L&R July 2017 Magazine

My Dear Master,
Hurt is a difficult emotion for me to process, the easiest thing for me is to want to run,
to find a space to sort through the internal mess and chaos, to Start crying and
mumbling. This is what I usually FEEL like doing, when confronted with a situation I
can't immediately process.
Anger usually makes me feel very 'put upon' and having one more person ask me for
one more thing is more than likely going to push me
right over the edge. Usually, if it's not the dominant
causing the anger, I rarely feel the need to explode all
over a Dominant I usually retreat to avoid saying or
doing the wrong thing…I shut down and I can't
articulate.
So, having said all that, what's truly healthy?
Talking. Communicating. It is not an easy path for me
when chaos reigns, trying to piece together the sense
of things, and it is rarely an issue with the
administration or the dynamic but a reflection of my
inability to speak without emotion In a measured
submissive way.
If i do not feel up to communicating in the manner in
which our relationship demands, then I should have
asked for a time out until i do feel ready, it was a
mistake on my part for not doing that and I apologise,
you have given me permission to ask, my loss of
control seemed to have other ideas.
Cleansing breaths and trying to explain myself without hysterics was beyond me,
coming off a post coital high even worse.
I should have given you the opportunity to understand and I am sorry I did not do that
either.
D/s relationships should be built on honest communication and trust and I know that is
the basis of ours. If you can't trust your dominant enough to be able to share your
anger and frustration with him, maybe you're in the wrong relationship in the first place,
I knew that before, I know better now, I just need to adjust to the new administration.
Looking at the other side of this - when I am angry, and it's my dominant that I am
angry with. I am not sure I was angry with you, more at the impotency I feel around
that whole situation.
First of all, it's okay and I am learning that you allow my feelings all of them, good, bad
and ugly.