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1<br />

. A man is known by<br />

the company he thinks<br />

nobody knows he’s keeping.<br />

2. I can read my wife like a<br />

book, but unfortunately some of the best chapters are missing.<br />

3. The ten best years in a woman’s life are between 28 and 30.<br />

4. A woman’s word is never done.<br />

5. When women’s skirts look shorter, men look longer.<br />

6. Joe: “Before you eat a banana, you’re supposed to take off<br />

the peeling.” Bill: “Why? I know what’s inside!”<br />

7. Never slap your kid in the face. There’s a place for<br />

everything!<br />

8. Old man in a nursing home proclaimed: “I’m growing old<br />

by myself. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in years!<br />

9. Marriage is like a long banquet with the dessert served<br />

first.<br />

10. A man walked into a men’s clothing store and said to the<br />

salesman, “I’d like to see something cheap in a man’s suit.”<br />

The salesman replied, “The mirror is to your right.”<br />

Bonus: Marty’s Words of Wisdom: Never trust your dog to<br />

watch your food.<br />

8<br />

September 20<strong>17</strong><br />

Marty’s Top Ten<br />

By: Marty Allen / Hello Dere<br />

For over the past decade, Marty Allen has performed with his on<br />

and off stage singing partner Karon Kate Blackwell.<br />

You Gotta Laugh<br />

By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs<br />

Just Driving: A police officer sees a man<br />

driving with a pickup truck full of penguins.<br />

He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t<br />

drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo<br />

immediately.” The guy says OK, and drives away.<br />

The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with<br />

that truck full of penguins, and this time, they’re all wearing<br />

sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I<br />

told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?” The guy<br />

replies: “I did. Today I’m taking them to the beach!”<br />

Forever Young: Joe recently had to choose a new primary<br />

care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, and at 75+<br />

years old, the doctor told Joe he was doing “fairly well for his<br />

age.”<br />

A little concerned about that comment, Joe couldn't resist<br />

asking him: “Do you think I'll live to be 80?” The doctor replied:<br />

“Do you smoke tobacco, drink beer, wine or hard liquor?” “Oh<br />

no.” Joe replied. “I'm not doing drugs, either!”<br />

The doctor then asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and<br />

barbecued ribs?” Joe replied, “Not much. My former doctor<br />

said that all red meat is very unhealthy!” The doctor further<br />

inquired, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”<br />

“No” Joe said.<br />

The physician got very quiet and then looked at Joe and said,<br />

“Then, why do you even give a damn?”<br />

Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The <strong>Vegas</strong> <strong>Voice</strong> and<br />

has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny<br />

submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.

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