Vegas Voice 9-17 web
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1<br />
. A man is known by<br />
the company he thinks<br />
nobody knows he’s keeping.<br />
2. I can read my wife like a<br />
book, but unfortunately some of the best chapters are missing.<br />
3. The ten best years in a woman’s life are between 28 and 30.<br />
4. A woman’s word is never done.<br />
5. When women’s skirts look shorter, men look longer.<br />
6. Joe: “Before you eat a banana, you’re supposed to take off<br />
the peeling.” Bill: “Why? I know what’s inside!”<br />
7. Never slap your kid in the face. There’s a place for<br />
everything!<br />
8. Old man in a nursing home proclaimed: “I’m growing old<br />
by myself. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in years!<br />
9. Marriage is like a long banquet with the dessert served<br />
first.<br />
10. A man walked into a men’s clothing store and said to the<br />
salesman, “I’d like to see something cheap in a man’s suit.”<br />
The salesman replied, “The mirror is to your right.”<br />
Bonus: Marty’s Words of Wisdom: Never trust your dog to<br />
watch your food.<br />
8<br />
September 20<strong>17</strong><br />
Marty’s Top Ten<br />
By: Marty Allen / Hello Dere<br />
For over the past decade, Marty Allen has performed with his on<br />
and off stage singing partner Karon Kate Blackwell.<br />
You Gotta Laugh<br />
By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs<br />
Just Driving: A police officer sees a man<br />
driving with a pickup truck full of penguins.<br />
He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t<br />
drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo<br />
immediately.” The guy says OK, and drives away.<br />
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with<br />
that truck full of penguins, and this time, they’re all wearing<br />
sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I<br />
told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?” The guy<br />
replies: “I did. Today I’m taking them to the beach!”<br />
Forever Young: Joe recently had to choose a new primary<br />
care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, and at 75+<br />
years old, the doctor told Joe he was doing “fairly well for his<br />
age.”<br />
A little concerned about that comment, Joe couldn't resist<br />
asking him: “Do you think I'll live to be 80?” The doctor replied:<br />
“Do you smoke tobacco, drink beer, wine or hard liquor?” “Oh<br />
no.” Joe replied. “I'm not doing drugs, either!”<br />
The doctor then asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and<br />
barbecued ribs?” Joe replied, “Not much. My former doctor<br />
said that all red meat is very unhealthy!” The doctor further<br />
inquired, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”<br />
“No” Joe said.<br />
The physician got very quiet and then looked at Joe and said,<br />
“Then, why do you even give a damn?”<br />
Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The <strong>Vegas</strong> <strong>Voice</strong> and<br />
has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny<br />
submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.