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SNEEZE OFTEN<br />

Hygiene is no longer a priority. Sneeze<br />

with reckless abandon. Cough in the face<br />

of danger. It is a well-documented fact<br />

that aliens do not have immune systems<br />

capable of resisting human bacteria. As<br />

the invaders may have already taken<br />

over the bodies of your friends and<br />

family members, it is your duty to the<br />

human race to get your disgusting germs<br />

all over everyone you see.<br />

NOTE: This is not acceptable<br />

behavior in non-invasion scenarios.<br />

Get a tissue and hide your mucus<br />

like the wet shame it is.<br />

The alien invasion force may, at first,<br />

appear benevolent. Envoys of your<br />

extraterrestrial attackers may even<br />

present you with ambiguously titled<br />

books about serving mankind. In all<br />

likelihood, these are cookbooks and the<br />

invaders plan to eat you. For your own<br />

safety, treat all books as hostile.<br />

SCRUTINIZE ALL<br />

LITERATURE<br />

TRASH<br />

Alien invaders will first strike at our<br />

major cities and landmarks. They seem<br />

to be particularly fond of any buildings<br />

and/or monuments that appear on<br />

currency. Scientists speculate that this<br />

may be a commentary on money as a<br />

controlling force in our lives. Regardless,<br />

you are strongly advised to avoid anything<br />

that resembles: the White House, the<br />

Washington Monument, Mount Rushmore,<br />

the Empire State Building, the Statue of<br />

Liberty, all eagles.<br />

AVOID<br />

MONUMENTS<br />

NOTE: The Grand Canyon is secure as it<br />

already looks destroyed.<br />

5<br />

LOOT CRATE MAGAZINE

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