Loot+Crate+Magazine+January+2016
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SNEEZE OFTEN<br />
Hygiene is no longer a priority. Sneeze<br />
with reckless abandon. Cough in the face<br />
of danger. It is a well-documented fact<br />
that aliens do not have immune systems<br />
capable of resisting human bacteria. As<br />
the invaders may have already taken<br />
over the bodies of your friends and<br />
family members, it is your duty to the<br />
human race to get your disgusting germs<br />
all over everyone you see.<br />
NOTE: This is not acceptable<br />
behavior in non-invasion scenarios.<br />
Get a tissue and hide your mucus<br />
like the wet shame it is.<br />
The alien invasion force may, at first,<br />
appear benevolent. Envoys of your<br />
extraterrestrial attackers may even<br />
present you with ambiguously titled<br />
books about serving mankind. In all<br />
likelihood, these are cookbooks and the<br />
invaders plan to eat you. For your own<br />
safety, treat all books as hostile.<br />
SCRUTINIZE ALL<br />
LITERATURE<br />
TRASH<br />
Alien invaders will first strike at our<br />
major cities and landmarks. They seem<br />
to be particularly fond of any buildings<br />
and/or monuments that appear on<br />
currency. Scientists speculate that this<br />
may be a commentary on money as a<br />
controlling force in our lives. Regardless,<br />
you are strongly advised to avoid anything<br />
that resembles: the White House, the<br />
Washington Monument, Mount Rushmore,<br />
the Empire State Building, the Statue of<br />
Liberty, all eagles.<br />
AVOID<br />
MONUMENTS<br />
NOTE: The Grand Canyon is secure as it<br />
already looks destroyed.<br />
5<br />
LOOT CRATE MAGAZINE