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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
NOVEMBER<br />
<strong>2017</strong><br />
EST. 1996<br />
Richard Moylan<br />
(207) 777-0050<br />
791 Kittyhawk Ave.<br />
Unit 5, Auburn<br />
richardmoylan@allstate.com<br />
207-782-7113<br />
Get Your FREE<br />
Quote Today!<br />
Insurance and coverages subject to terms. qualifications and availability. Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance<br />
Company, Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandautobody.com<br />
Live Music Every week!<br />
Join us Thursday Nights 7–9pm<br />
Ladies Night Every<br />
Thursday!<br />
LA’s One & Only True<br />
Habachi Experience!<br />
Book your<br />
Holiday Party at<br />
Sea40!<br />
Daddy’s Girl 11/2<br />
Matt Fournier 11/9<br />
Double Entendre 11/16<br />
Thanksgiving Night<br />
no music<br />
Donnie Hebert 11/30<br />
40 East Ave., Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1
MAC’S<br />
Gift Cards make<br />
the perfect Holiday<br />
Gift!<br />
We cater events<br />
of any size, onsite or<br />
at your location. Full bar<br />
available!<br />
“<br />
<strong>November</strong> 11th<br />
VETERANS<br />
Appreciation Day!<br />
FREE Burgers for ALL Veterans!<br />
(*Eat-In Only - Must Show ID)<br />
EVERY MONDAY<br />
20% OFF All Burgers<br />
30% OFF All Drafts<br />
HOLIDAY CATERING<br />
Small or Large platters<br />
Pick-up or Delivery<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
2<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Starting<br />
Black Friday<br />
Buy $ 50 Gift card &<br />
get $ 10 Bonus card<br />
FREE!<br />
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
“When I trace a turkey, it comes out looking exactly like my hand.” – Conan O’ Brien<br />
MODERN WOODMEN<br />
OF AMERICA<br />
NOVEMBER <strong>2017</strong><br />
Saturday, <strong>November</strong> 4th<br />
Knights of Columbus<br />
Bean Supper 4:30 - 6pm<br />
Max-Gill Hall, Sabattus<br />
Members & Guest: $8.00<br />
Sunday, <strong>November</strong> 5th<br />
American Legion Breakfast<br />
7:30 - 10am<br />
Island Rd. Sabattus<br />
Mem: $5 Guest: $6<br />
Wednesday, <strong>November</strong> 8th<br />
Schmengees 4 - 7pm<br />
551 Lincoln St. Lewiston<br />
Mem: $9 Guest: $10<br />
Tuesday <strong>November</strong> 14th<br />
Luiggi’s 4 - 7pm<br />
63 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />
Mem: $4.50 Guest: $5.50<br />
Tuesday <strong>November</strong> 21st<br />
Roy’s Breakfast 7 - 10am<br />
5 Washington Ave. Auburn<br />
Mem: $4 Guest: $5<br />
Tuesday <strong>November</strong> 21st<br />
Fielder’s Choice 4 - 7pm<br />
680 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />
Members & Guest: $2.00<br />
<strong>November</strong> 18-25<br />
FEZtival of Trees 10am - 8pm<br />
11 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />
Members & Guest: $1.00<br />
Wednesday <strong>November</strong> 29th<br />
Gridiron Restaurant<br />
4:00 - 7:00pm<br />
1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston<br />
Mem: $8.00 Guest: $9.00<br />
Thursday <strong>November</strong> 30th<br />
Mandarin 11am - 1pm<br />
750 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />
Mem: $5.50 Guest: $6.50<br />
Aero Park Passes<br />
Mem: $6.00 Guest: $8.00<br />
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-<br />
TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED<br />
Prices, Dates and Menu are subject<br />
to change. If additional info is needed,<br />
please call our office, please do<br />
not call restaurants. All activities can<br />
only be attended at the times listed.<br />
*************************<br />
Tickets need to be purchased at the<br />
Modern Woodmen District Office,<br />
184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all<br />
activities and can only be picked up the<br />
week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am<br />
- 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon; (excluding<br />
Holidays). Call 782-1833.<br />
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by Maine<br />
Mountain Ocean Group, Inc.<br />
with offices at 9 Grove Street,<br />
Auburn, Maine, USA.<br />
Published and distributed since<br />
1996 throughout Central Maine<br />
and mailed to subscribers all over<br />
the Free World. Subscriptions<br />
are $30/year.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com<br />
Office: 207-783-7039<br />
Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing in fluffy and when you’re done<br />
eating you’ll be nice and stuffy.<br />
smile again dentures<br />
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While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> tries very hard to<br />
ensure the accuracy of the information in our<br />
client’s advertisements and our publication in<br />
general, we are not responsible for vendor<br />
availability, typographical errors, technical<br />
inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or<br />
omissions.<br />
Te<br />
pr<br />
M<br />
fo<br />
in<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
4<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years. Getting over the hill was a workout!<br />
UAD Proof May, Aug, Nov <strong>2017</strong> Page 4
If you are going to start cross-country skiing, start with a very small country.<br />
Out ‘n About with<br />
the Fontaine Family<br />
Team<br />
Sponsoring the 1400th<br />
wish for Aubrey through<br />
Make-A-Wish Maine.<br />
Happy Wish<br />
Day!<br />
Wish Kid, Aubrey<br />
& Family<br />
Off to<br />
see Mickey &<br />
Minnie!<br />
Turkey has more protein than chicken or beef.<br />
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“Thanksgiving: When the people who are the most thankful are the ones who<br />
didn’t have to cook.” – Melanie White<br />
Claude Fontaine,<br />
Pat Long-Cressey,<br />
& Marie Beaulieu<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5
Out ‘n About with<br />
the Fontaine Family<br />
Team<br />
Sponsoring the 1400th<br />
wish for Aubrey through<br />
Make-A-Wish Maine.<br />
Make-<br />
A-Wish is very<br />
special to us!<br />
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” – Irv Kupcinet<br />
The Fortin Group<br />
Proudly serving the communities of Lewiston and Auburn<br />
for over one hundred years.<br />
<strong>November</strong> is Hospice Appreciation Month:<br />
We’d like to thank our hospice partners for their<br />
kindness, compassion, and service to families in<br />
our communities.<br />
Find us on Facebook @TheFortinGroupFuneralHome .<br />
Crystal Bergeron &<br />
Angie LaRochelle<br />
217 Turner Street<br />
Auburn<br />
207-783-8545<br />
70 Horton Street<br />
Lewiston<br />
207-784-4584<br />
Three men walked in to a bar. You’d think one of them would have seen it!<br />
Melissa Field<br />
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• Staging<br />
• Redesign<br />
• Color Consultation<br />
• Window Treatments<br />
• Boat Furnishings<br />
• Interior Decorating<br />
M<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
6<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
The ancient Romans only gathered once a week, because that was enough forum.
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app, more people will start using it.<br />
The Tiff<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Walking into the pub,<br />
Patrick said to the<br />
bartender, “Pour me<br />
a tall one, Sean. I just<br />
had another tiff with<br />
the wife.”<br />
“Oh yeah,” said Sean.<br />
“And how did this one<br />
end?”<br />
“Well I’ll tell ya now<br />
when it was over,” Patrick<br />
replied, “she came<br />
to me on her hands<br />
and knees.”<br />
Out ‘n About at the JT Reids Gun Show<br />
“You don’t say? Now<br />
that’s a switch! What<br />
did she say?”<br />
She said, “Come<br />
out from under that<br />
bed, you wuss!”<br />
Missing You<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Dave went on a business<br />
trip for a few days.<br />
Reid Team: Kelsey Morin, Madison Morin & Alliyah Pelletier<br />
CLEARANCE SALE!<br />
Inventory Liquidation<br />
All used Orchestra & Refurbished<br />
Band Instruments Must Go!<br />
Main St. Music Lessons<br />
& Instrument Repair<br />
Authorized<br />
Service<br />
Center<br />
376-3376<br />
134 Main St., Auburn<br />
www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />
Want to really freak someone out? Add 2 extra turkey legs to the turkey when<br />
it’s in the oven.<br />
When he returned, his<br />
wife reported that the<br />
dog really missed him.<br />
“She spent every<br />
night at the front door,<br />
awaiting your return,”<br />
she said.<br />
“What an example of<br />
true love,” Dave replied.<br />
“I wonder if you’d<br />
be that concerned<br />
about me?”<br />
“Honey,” she answered,<br />
“if you were<br />
gone overnight, and I<br />
didn’t know where you<br />
were, you can be sure<br />
I’d be waiting for you at<br />
the front door.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 7
Out ‘n About with<br />
the Fontaine Family<br />
Team<br />
Sponsoring the 1400th<br />
wish for Aubrey through<br />
Make-A-Wish Maine.<br />
First Class!<br />
Love it!<br />
Charmaine Raby<br />
& Diane Brule<br />
“We’re having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey,<br />
we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” – George Carlin<br />
International Paper is Now Hiring<br />
Manufacturing Jobs in Auburn<br />
Production starting @ $ 16.53/hr<br />
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Also Hiring<br />
Class A Drivers!<br />
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Applications accepted online: www.ipaper.com • Careers, search open positions, location: Maine<br />
© <strong>2017</strong> International Paper Company. All rights reserved. International Paper is an Equal Opportunity Employer - Minorities/Females/Individuals with Disabilities/Veterans.<br />
c<br />
O<br />
For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going<br />
through a stage.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
8<br />
Jamie Crain &<br />
Dawn Marston<br />
Pilgram’s<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Grandma was showing<br />
the children a painting<br />
of the Pilgrim Family<br />
on a Thanksgiving<br />
Day card that they had<br />
received and she commented,<br />
“The Pilgrim<br />
children enjoyed going<br />
to church with their<br />
mothers and fathers<br />
and praying to God.”<br />
Her youngest grandson<br />
looked at her<br />
doubtfully and asked,<br />
“Then why is their Dad<br />
carrying that rifle?”<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”<br />
– Oscar Wilde<br />
Ag
convenience store<br />
&<br />
catering division<br />
NOVEMBER<br />
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Expires 11.30.17<br />
Over 200 menu items to choose from!<br />
You can now enjoy beer & wine with<br />
your food in our sit down area!<br />
99¢<br />
Green Mountain Coffee<br />
EVERYDAY!<br />
FREE Coffee every<br />
Friday with purchase of<br />
breakfast sandwich<br />
Agency Liquor Store • Lottery<br />
Eat In Dining or Take-Out<br />
345-5551<br />
DadsPlace.info<br />
OPEN<br />
Thanksgiving<br />
7a - 9p<br />
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Your Catering Needs!<br />
Professional service at an affordable price!<br />
• Now Booking Christmas Parties<br />
• Company Gatherings<br />
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Call Today for<br />
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quickly. Call today<br />
to book yours!<br />
”<br />
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 9
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
10<br />
Faster Dad<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Three boys are in the<br />
schoolyard bragging of<br />
how great their fathers<br />
are.<br />
The first one says:<br />
“Well, my father runs<br />
the fastest. He can<br />
fire an arrow, and start<br />
to run, I tell you, he<br />
gets there before the<br />
arrow.”<br />
The second one says:<br />
“Ha! You think that’s<br />
fast! My father is a<br />
hunter. He can shoot<br />
his gun and be there<br />
before the bullet.”<br />
The third one listens<br />
to the other two and<br />
shakes his head. He<br />
then says: “You two<br />
know nothing about<br />
fast. My father is in<br />
sales. He stops working<br />
at 4:30 and he is<br />
home by 3:45!”<br />
Blind Date<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
Once there was a<br />
girl who wanted a<br />
boyfriend. Her mom<br />
wanted to help her, so<br />
she set up a blind date<br />
for her daughter.<br />
When the girl got back<br />
from the date she said<br />
“That was the worst<br />
night of my life!”<br />
“Why is that?” her<br />
mom asked.<br />
“He owns a 1922 Rolls<br />
Royce!”<br />
“Isn’t that a good<br />
thing?”<br />
“He’s the original owner<br />
mom!”<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
The perfect way to get back at a man for forgetting Valentine’s Day is to forget to cook<br />
Thanksgiving dinner.<br />
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& Cumberland<br />
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www.atworkpersonnel.com<br />
“Why fit in, when you were born to stand out?” — Dr. Seuss<br />
Confucius Says: “Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.”<br />
T<br />
20<br />
G<br />
Co<br />
E
k<br />
“Do your job and demand your compensation, but in that order.” – Cary Grant<br />
Closed<br />
Thanksgiving<br />
Day<br />
Where Good Times Happen<br />
1472 Lisbon St. Lewiston<br />
207-376-3870 • chickadeelewiston.com<br />
Gotta Love the Chick!<br />
Coming Soon! New digital sign outside!<br />
WHAT’S HAPPENING AT THE<br />
CHICK-A-DEE OF LEWISTON<br />
•CATERING - in full swing with many options to<br />
choose from. We can supply just the food or everything<br />
associated with your function.<br />
•NEW LOUNGE - is a BIG hit! We now have 12<br />
Beers on Tap!<br />
Thanksgiving Dinner<br />
'To Go'<br />
Pick Up The Day Before<br />
Everything included Only $ 12.95<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
Rogers Insurance,<br />
Lisbon<br />
part of the Champoux<br />
Insurance family of agencies.<br />
No<br />
offense Son, but if<br />
I could’ve had grandchildren<br />
first, I would<br />
have!<br />
!<br />
Dick Albert<br />
None taken,<br />
Dad!<br />
“I don’t eat pumpkin pie. It’s made from the guts of jack-o-lanterns,<br />
and that’s just spooky.” — Melanie White<br />
Investing in you at the helm of your life,<br />
personally & professionally<br />
Austin Albert<br />
Call today for a<br />
complimentary session!<br />
Tracy Corey, Board Certified Coach<br />
207.576.0788 • www.helmcc.com<br />
Every Thanksgiving I think about how much Pilgrims had to sacrifice just so we could<br />
have a day off from work.<br />
Heather Cronin<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 11
Out of This<br />
World<br />
Submitted by Mark Vaillancourt<br />
Steve, Jimbo and Tim<br />
were trying out for a<br />
new NASA experiment<br />
on sending civilians to<br />
different planets.<br />
First, they called Steve<br />
in and asked him a few<br />
questions.<br />
“If you could go to any<br />
planet, which planet<br />
would you want to<br />
go to and why?” the<br />
interviewer asked him<br />
as the interview drew<br />
to a close.<br />
After pondering the<br />
question, Steve answered,<br />
“I would like to<br />
go to Mars, because<br />
it seems so interesting<br />
with all the recent<br />
news about possible<br />
extraterrestrial life on<br />
the planet.”<br />
“Very good, thank<br />
you,” the man said,<br />
and told him that they<br />
would get back to him.<br />
Next, Jimbo entered<br />
the room and the interviewer<br />
asked him the<br />
same question.<br />
In reply, Jimbo said,<br />
“I would like to go to<br />
Saturn to see all of its<br />
rings.”<br />
He thanked Jimbo and<br />
told him they would get<br />
back to him.<br />
“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my<br />
own family.” – Damien Fahey<br />
I have heard, you should treat your wife every night like it is your first date.<br />
So tonight after the movie, I’m dropping her off at her parents house.<br />
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O<br />
JO<br />
A<br />
Finally, Tim entered<br />
the room and he asked<br />
him the same<br />
question.<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
Jon Mercier<br />
Principal Broker<br />
Bill Turner<br />
Broker<br />
Mark Turner<br />
Project Manager<br />
Brandon Caruso<br />
Sales Agent<br />
Rod Charest<br />
Sales Agent<br />
5<br />
w<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
12<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
On <strong>November</strong> 27, 1924: The first Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is held in<br />
New York City.
On <strong>November</strong> 25, 1973: Little Tommy Hill of <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> was born weighing a<br />
whopping 2 pounds, 3 ounces.<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
Rogers Insurance,<br />
Lisbon<br />
part of the Champoux<br />
Insurance family of agencies.<br />
207-777-8000<br />
Hours: Tues. - Thurs. 11a-8p • Fri. & Sat. 11a-9p • Sun. 11a-8p<br />
Stop by and say<br />
“Hi” to Nancy!<br />
Who’s this<br />
Rucker guy?<br />
JOIN US FOR FOOTBALL SUNDAYS • Open 11a-8p • DRINK & APPETIZER SPECIALS<br />
Mondays<br />
Available for<br />
Private<br />
Parties &<br />
Events<br />
Pu Pu Platter<br />
for 2<br />
Rice Noodles<br />
Out ‘n About at the Dempsey Challenge<br />
Tina Turnell<br />
I don’t know,<br />
but he talks a good<br />
game.<br />
Students from Colby College with Patrick Dempsey<br />
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We accept<br />
“Every Thanksgiving I’m thankful I decided to wait until New Years to start my diet.”<br />
– Melanie White<br />
Sandy Craig<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
Tim thought for a<br />
while, then replied, “I<br />
would like to go to the<br />
sun.”<br />
“Why, don’t you know<br />
that if you went to the<br />
sun you would burn<br />
to death?” the NASA<br />
interviewer asked.<br />
Tim smirked and put<br />
his hands on his hips.<br />
“Are you guys dumb?<br />
I’d go at night!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13
Genie<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
“I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost<br />
my mind.” – Steve Allen<br />
Once Lori was walking<br />
along the beach thinking<br />
of the worst state<br />
of her life cycle. Her<br />
husband, Steve, asked<br />
her for divorce. As<br />
she was walking, she<br />
tripped over something<br />
in the sand. The woman<br />
picked the object up<br />
revealing a lamp.<br />
Lori rubbed the lamp<br />
and a genie appeared<br />
before her. “I will grant<br />
you three wishes,”<br />
the genie said “but<br />
whatever you wish for<br />
your husband will get<br />
double.”<br />
Lori thought and<br />
thought, then made her<br />
first wish, “I wish for 10<br />
million dollars.” POOF!<br />
The wish for ten million<br />
appears at the woman<br />
feet, some distance<br />
away 20 million dollars<br />
appears at Steve’s feet.<br />
Lori thinks again and<br />
makes her second<br />
wish, “I wish for a pile<br />
of diamonds three feet<br />
high!” POOF! A pile of<br />
diamonds appear at her<br />
feet, a pile of diamonds<br />
six feet high appears at<br />
her husband’s feet.<br />
Now, Lori thinks and<br />
thinks, ponders and<br />
ponders; finally she<br />
says to the genie “Now,<br />
whatever I wish for, my<br />
husband gets double?”<br />
The genie replies, “That<br />
is correct.”<br />
She makes her third<br />
wish, “I wish for you to<br />
scare me half to death.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
14<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Out ‘n About with the Fontaine Family Team and Make-A-Wish Maine<br />
Make-A-Wish Staff: Sam Elliott, Mackenzie Perry, Rebekah Roy,<br />
Whitney Miller, Meredith Plaud & Kate Vickery<br />
754-0310<br />
FREE ESTIMATES<br />
Custom Painting<br />
Work Guaranteed<br />
WE’VE<br />
MOVED!<br />
1511 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />
located at Lifestyles Auto Sales<br />
Marc R. Beaulieu<br />
beau363@aol.com<br />
LIGHT MECHANICAL • AUTO BODY • DETAILING<br />
One day, I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.<br />
•<br />
•<br />
•<br />
•<br />
•<br />
Th<br />
Tim<br />
M<br />
N
“Thanksgiving is the home version of an “all-you-can-eat” buffet.” – Melanie White<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
Rogers Insurance,<br />
Lisbon<br />
part of the Champoux<br />
Insurance family of agencies.<br />
We have a great<br />
crew, see our ad on<br />
page 37.<br />
• Prizes & Giveaways<br />
• Free Samples<br />
• Cornhole Tournament<br />
• Face Painting<br />
• Z105.5FM Live Remote 10a-12p<br />
Thank You to all of our Amazing Customers!<br />
Enter to win our Grand Prize,<br />
Free Lunch Every Month for a Year (restrictions may apply)<br />
Nov. 1 through Nov. 11 we will be drawing names every day for great prizes!<br />
Brenda Rogers<br />
Tim Rucker, could you take a couple steps back? I have a nut allergy. — Vickie Rucker<br />
Linda Brooks<br />
Terry Ridley<br />
Tina Ames<br />
My girlfriend isn’t talking to me because I ruined her birthday party! I have no idea what<br />
she is talking about, because I wasn’t even at the party.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 15
The difference between a cute little rascal and a potential juvenile delinquent is whether<br />
he is your child or your neighbors.<br />
Congratulations,<br />
Jessica Morrill,<br />
RockStar Award<br />
Recipient!<br />
Lisbon Credit Union is<br />
pleased to announce the<br />
latest ROCKSTAR Award<br />
Winner for the 4th quarter<br />
of <strong>2017</strong> – Jessica Morrill.<br />
Jessica was rewarded<br />
with a trophy, $50, and a<br />
paid day off.<br />
Jess started with the<br />
Credit Union on 20 years<br />
ago and is a Loan Officer<br />
at the Lisbon office.<br />
• HVAC Repair & Diagnostics<br />
• 4 Wheel Alignments<br />
• Chassis & Suspension Repair<br />
• Tune-Ups<br />
• Transmission<br />
• Competitive Tire Pricing<br />
• Electrical Diagnostics Specialists<br />
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183 Lisbon St, Lisbon • 207-353-9862<br />
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Comments in nominations<br />
of Jess include her being<br />
very approachable with<br />
questions, always helping<br />
out when she can and<br />
always being polite to our<br />
Members!<br />
She lives in Lewiston with<br />
her husband, Daryl, and<br />
their 2 cats. In her spare<br />
time, Jess likes to read<br />
and do crafts and loves<br />
listening to 80’s music.<br />
She supports her favorite<br />
sports team, The New<br />
York Giants, even if it isn’t<br />
always popular with the<br />
local Patriots supporters!<br />
The Credit Union’s Employee<br />
Recognition Program<br />
was created at the<br />
end of 2014. The program<br />
allows staff members<br />
to nominate each other<br />
on outstanding Member<br />
service and various other<br />
factors. One winner is<br />
chosen every quarter.<br />
See Lisbon Community FCU<br />
ad on pg. 49<br />
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I got my<br />
free hearing<br />
exam done. You<br />
should, too!<br />
Authorized Resound Dealer<br />
Tim Rucker,<br />
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137 Spring St., Auburn<br />
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
16<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Just because I once lived in a gated community, doesn’t mean I served jail time.
On <strong>November</strong> 11, 1940: The Jeep made its debut.<br />
NOW HIRING!<br />
names<br />
Rose Wallace<br />
Delivery Person of the Month<br />
Contact<br />
Rosemary Camire Knight<br />
207-783-0961<br />
Home for Senior Women<br />
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn<br />
www.chapmanhouse.org<br />
rn<br />
On the road with Flyod Beatty<br />
m<br />
Rose has been delivering <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
for 3 years she enjoys going to Beal’s<br />
laundromat and specifically seeing Matt.<br />
She enjoys having a conversation with<br />
him every time she delivers. Thank you<br />
Rose, we enjoy having you part of our<br />
team!<br />
Huge fan of <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> — Floyd Beatty,<br />
traveled the USA for 143 days and searched for<br />
something like UAD and he came up empty-handed.<br />
So back to Auburn, Maine he comes to the <strong>Uncle</strong><br />
Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> World Headquarters to get caught up<br />
on what he missed while being on the road.<br />
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” – Kevin James<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17
T<br />
Bachelor: A man who has taken many a girl out, but has never been taken in.<br />
NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR:<br />
RN, LPN, CNA, Med Tech, CRMA;<br />
Housekeeping / Laundry Aide;<br />
Cook & Dietary Aide<br />
Stop by or call. We’re here to help!<br />
Lewiston Paint & Wallpaper<br />
516 Sabattus St, Lewiston<br />
207-784-1993<br />
www.lewistonpaint.com<br />
©<strong>2017</strong> Benjamin Moore & Co. ben, Benjamin Moore, Paint like no other, and the triangle “M” symbol are registered trademarks licensed to Benjamin Moore & Co.<br />
• Wellness Incentives • Career Advancement •<br />
Caring for Veterans • Discounts at local businesses<br />
• Recruitment Referral Program & MORE! •<br />
Contact Human Resources FMI<br />
or stop in to fill out an application<br />
Lisa M. Legendre, PHR • Human Resource Manager<br />
477 High St. South Paris<br />
393-3533 • hrsp@mainevets.org<br />
mainevets.org/employment<br />
When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars.<br />
Mens & Boys<br />
CUTS for<br />
$<br />
12<br />
All day – Every day!<br />
Walk-ins welcome.<br />
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks -<br />
Mens & Boys Regular Cuts - Waxing<br />
Marcel’s<br />
54 Mill St., New Auburn • 783-3444<br />
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;<br />
Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />
Boy, there’s a lot<br />
more here to work with<br />
than the last 2 guys!<br />
Tina Croteau,<br />
owner<br />
Steve<br />
& Tim, what can<br />
I say? Third time is<br />
a charm.<br />
Jimbo Marston,<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Quotable<br />
Quote<br />
“While you’re going<br />
through this process of<br />
trying to find the satisfaction<br />
in your work,<br />
pretend you feel satisfied.<br />
Tell yourself you<br />
had a good day. Walk<br />
through the corridors<br />
with a smile rather than<br />
a scowl. Your positive<br />
energy will radiate. If<br />
you act like you’re having<br />
fun, you’ll find you<br />
are having fun.”<br />
– Jean Chatzky<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
18<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
My wife said she wanted more freedom, so I extended the kitchen.
Do most twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?<br />
Try us once, you’ll be a regular!<br />
OPEN 7 Days<br />
6am - 8pm<br />
Daily Specials:<br />
Monday: Ham Italian ...................sm. $1.59 lg. $2.59<br />
Tuesday: 10” 1-topping Pizza ............................$3.99<br />
Wednesday: Chicken Salad ..........................sm. $1.99<br />
........................................................................lg. $3.49<br />
Thursday: Bowl of Chili......................................$3.99<br />
BLT .............................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49<br />
Friday: Tuna Italian ......................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49<br />
Saturday: Baked Beans ................qt. $3.59 pt. $2.59<br />
Sunday: .................................$2.00 off any large pizza<br />
SABATTUS<br />
MAIN STREET MARKET<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus<br />
375-8502<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Dempsey Challenge<br />
“Out ‘n About” with<br />
Shelby Rucker.<br />
:<br />
BUY 1 LARGE<br />
PIZZA GET 1<br />
HALF OFF*<br />
* equal or lesser value UAD Expires 11.30.17<br />
All of us turkeys here<br />
want to wish you all a<br />
Happy Thanksgiving!<br />
Jonathan LaBonte<br />
& Shelby Rucker<br />
Amazing<br />
community<br />
event!<br />
es<br />
The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”.<br />
er<br />
Out ‘n About with the Fontaine Family Team and Make-A-Wish Maine<br />
Carmella Petitt &<br />
Danielle Campbell<br />
photo credit: Michelle Gosselin<br />
f<br />
How am<br />
I doing,<br />
Dad?<br />
n<br />
-<br />
ky<br />
Wish kid Aubrey & her family headed to Disney World<br />
Schooner or later sailors engage in rudder nonsense.<br />
Shelby Rucker<br />
UAD Photographer<br />
in training<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19
Thanksgiving<br />
Submitted by Tom Hill<br />
“Here I am 5 o’clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt.”<br />
– Roseanne Barr<br />
‘Twas the night of<br />
Thanksgiving,<br />
but I just couldn’t sleep,<br />
I tried counting<br />
backwards,<br />
I tried counting sheep.<br />
The leftovers beckoned...the<br />
dark meat<br />
and white,<br />
but I fought the temptation<br />
with all of my<br />
might.<br />
Tossing and turning<br />
with anticipation,<br />
the thought of a snack<br />
became infatuation.<br />
So, I raced to the kitchen,<br />
flung open the door<br />
and gazed at the fridge,<br />
full of goodies galore.<br />
9 PLATFORMS<br />
7 Radio Stations & 2 Streaming - Plus Backup of Social Media<br />
I gobbled up turkey and<br />
buttered potatoes,<br />
stuffing with gravy,<br />
green beans and<br />
tomatoes.<br />
I felt myself swelling so<br />
plump and so round,<br />
till all of a sudden, I<br />
rose off the ground.<br />
I crashed through the<br />
ceiling, floating into the<br />
sky<br />
with a mouthful of<br />
pudding and a handful<br />
of pie<br />
But, I managed to yell<br />
as I soared past the<br />
trees...<br />
• Maine’s Big Z: 105.5, 92.7, 1240<br />
• The OX: 96.9, 100.7, 1450 and SportsTime780<br />
• Streaming at MainesBigZ.com & SportsTime780.com<br />
• Contests on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & Websites<br />
Gleason Media Services<br />
3 locations<br />
Happy eating to all --<br />
pass the cranberries,<br />
please.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
20<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
I told my wife I thought our kids were spoiled. She said, “All kids smell that way.”
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve used algebra in my adult life, I’d have “n” dollars.<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Dempsey Challenge<br />
Hi Vickie<br />
Rucker, we miss<br />
you!<br />
Mark & Michelle<br />
Aube<br />
On <strong>November</strong> 8, 1960: John F. Kennedy is elected as the youngest<br />
U.S. President in history.<br />
Shelby Rucker &<br />
Patrick Dempsey<br />
SUNDAY<br />
Baked Ziti<br />
$<br />
6.00<br />
Since 1953<br />
Open Daily 9am - 10pm<br />
MONDAY<br />
The Fergy<br />
sm $<br />
2.99<br />
lg $<br />
5.75<br />
LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Meatball Subs<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Spaghetti Dinners<br />
1 meatball, salad,<br />
sm $<br />
3.35 w/ch $ 3.99<br />
garlic bread, drink<br />
lg $<br />
6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $<br />
5.99<br />
Robin & Brian<br />
Robbins<br />
Jeremy raised<br />
almost $6,000!<br />
Wow!<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Mini Pizza<br />
1 topping $<br />
2.99<br />
2 toppings $<br />
3.99<br />
FRIDAY<br />
$1.00 OFF<br />
Any Large Pizza<br />
SATURDAY<br />
2 Ham or Salami<br />
Italians<br />
$<br />
7.99<br />
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.99<br />
The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire<br />
trucks ruined it.<br />
Jeremy Caron &<br />
Tim Rucker<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21
Tickle Your Punny Bone<br />
with Ron Hood<br />
Out ‘n About with the City of Auburn<br />
Ron Hood is the Director of Owner<br />
Services for Owner Media Group.<br />
He has a joke/pun of the day on his<br />
Facebook page (facebook.com/<br />
pezcollector) and a daily video<br />
pun on Snap Chat (Username: ron.<br />
hood). Feel free to add Ron as your<br />
friend. You can reach out to Ron<br />
with a punny note at OTDweather@gmail.com<br />
I’ve heard it said that parties are all fun and games until<br />
someone calls the police. Then it is a new game; hide and<br />
seek. It made me wonder about all the different parties<br />
and how we celebrate. Whenever construction workers<br />
party, they always raise the roof. Did you ever notice how<br />
people always shuffle into a card party? If you invite an<br />
insomniac to your pajama party, you know they will be up<br />
for it. It is interesting that artillery men do not go to parties<br />
at all, they go to cannon-balls. Bottom line, we all know<br />
the feeling of partying Saturday and Sunday and feeling<br />
weakened.<br />
With Halloween having just passed a few days ago, I<br />
have heard some great stories about all the costumes<br />
people wore. This single guy dressed up as a skeleton,<br />
but was upset that he had no body to dance with. There<br />
was a man and woman who dressed up as barcodes and<br />
we later learned they were an item. Then there was the<br />
guy who dressed up as a knife and boy, did he look sharp.<br />
The funniest story of all was when a policeman accidentally<br />
arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a<br />
costume party. That cop learned never to book a judge by<br />
his cover.<br />
Farmer Tim and his lovely wife, Karen, of Mollyockett<br />
Farm love to party on the farm. “This year’s Halloween<br />
bash was wild and full of games,” Farmer Tim said.<br />
“Yeah, wild and full of game,” Karen added laughing,<br />
“because I stir-fried your game because you liked to wok<br />
on the wild side!” “We had one cow that dressed up as a<br />
knight,” Farmer Tim joked, “So we referred to him as ‘Sir<br />
Loin.’” Karen shared that another cow dressed up in pajamas,<br />
faked sleep, and then jumped up, uddering loudly,<br />
“I am a Bull-Dozer!” A few pigs dressed up as chefs and<br />
squealed that they were good at bacon, while another<br />
dressed up as a dinosaur and was Jurassic Pork. One of<br />
the chickens dressed up as a teacher and eggsplained<br />
that she was a Eggonomics Professor. It’s one yolk after<br />
the other with Farmer Tim and Karen!<br />
Gravestone Corrected and Rededicated<br />
Company F of the 19th Maine Volunteer Infantry Regiment, Cpl.<br />
Moses C. Hanscom from Danville (Auburn), captured the colors<br />
of the 26th North Carolina regiment of the Union lines during the<br />
Battle of Bristoe Station in Virginia on October 14, 1863 during<br />
the Civil War.<br />
His dedication and efforts earned him the Medal of Honor and<br />
was presented to him by Abraham Lincoln, January 1, 1864.<br />
Hanscom’s Gravestone located at Oak Hill Cemetery in Auburn,<br />
read he was a Medal of Honor recipient but his name was misspelled<br />
as Hansom.<br />
The City of Auburn, rededicated a new Gravestone with the correct<br />
spelling on the 154th Anniversary of his Heroic act. Dozens<br />
of people attended the Ceremony with Hanscom’s descendants.<br />
Descendants: Sharon Gray of<br />
Turner, her Cousin Jean Millett<br />
of Norway & Carol May of CA<br />
American Legion Post 153: Carol St.Pierre,<br />
Dan St.Pierre, Claire Poirier, Hugh Brown<br />
Jr., Steve Peterson, Donald Peck, David<br />
Jacobs-Pratt, Paul L’Heureux, & Jason Hall<br />
(Gray Post)<br />
Well, I guess I need to shut down<br />
all this party talk. Besides, I am<br />
on my way to the grand opening<br />
of the local bee farm. They are<br />
having a house swarming party,<br />
and I am hoping to get some free<br />
bees, so I gotta buzz off now.<br />
See you next month!<br />
Members of the LHS/ELHS Airforce ROTC Honor Guard: Lindsey Crawford,<br />
Nick Fess, Olivia Morin, Patrick Meyers, Jason Almquist & Alec Treadwell<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
22<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
“Life is like a hot bath: It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay, the more<br />
wrinkled you get.” – Garfield
.<br />
e<br />
,<br />
-<br />
.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23
Ou<br />
O<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
JT Reids Gun Show<br />
If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.<br />
Watch this!<br />
Alliyah Pelletier<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
24<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I know the rules. We just blow the<br />
leaves at each other’s houses, right?<br />
“Yo
Blackie’s Farm<br />
Fresh Produce<br />
Open Year Round<br />
966 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
207-786-0005<br />
6am - 8pm<br />
Poisson & Sons Auto Care Inc.<br />
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144<br />
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION<br />
YES! We still pump Gasoline for Our Customers!<br />
NOVEMBER INSPECTIONS<br />
ARE DUE!<br />
Auto Repairs, Maintenance , Inspections, K1, Alignments,<br />
Computer Diagnostics, State Inspections<br />
“Where you’re treated like family.”<br />
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />
1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn<br />
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />
AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />
visit<br />
Paid for and authorized by the committee to elect Pape for House. Chip Palmer, Treasurer<br />
Out ‘n About with the Fontaine Family Team and Make-A-Wish Maine celebrating 1400 Wishes Granted<br />
Out ‘n About at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli<br />
Congratulations<br />
Beckie Davis<br />
General Manager of<br />
Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli,<br />
celebrating their 10th<br />
Anniversary and Beckie<br />
is an original hire!<br />
Come on in and see her!<br />
See Heidi’s ad on pg. 15<br />
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”<br />
– Jay Leno<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25
Out ‘n About at<br />
The Cage<br />
for the Poland Spring Golf<br />
Course Men’s League banquet<br />
Denis Webber &<br />
Don Mercier<br />
My golf<br />
ball lands in the<br />
cart path... What do<br />
I do?<br />
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread,<br />
and pumpkin pie.” – Jim Davis<br />
Vote Online NOW!<br />
<strong>2017</strong> “Best of the Best!”<br />
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MarketSurveysOfAmerica.com<br />
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Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 23rd Annual Best Businesses for <strong>2017</strong><br />
will be announced right here in <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> later this year!<br />
Market Surveys of America<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
26<br />
I thought I<br />
knew, but I hear<br />
Vic (on pg. 39) is the<br />
league rules<br />
expert.<br />
Tom Giberti &<br />
John Bourgault<br />
Walking<br />
Economy<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
This guy is walking with<br />
his friend, who happens<br />
to be a psychologist. He<br />
says to this friend, “I’m<br />
a walking economy.”<br />
The friend asks, “How<br />
so?”<br />
“My hair line is in<br />
recession, my stomach<br />
is a victim of inflation,<br />
and both of these<br />
together are putting<br />
me into a deep<br />
depression!”<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
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760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500<br />
www.GreatFallsfcu.com<br />
On <strong>November</strong> 3, 1913: An income tax is first introduced in the USA.<br />
N
“You can’t hurry love or pizza. Especially pizza.” – Snoopy<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Dempsey Challenge<br />
Hey! Take<br />
my picture<br />
please!<br />
Let us help you save time and money by<br />
determining potential assets before<br />
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Call Today!<br />
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Michelle Gosselin<br />
& Tim Ervin<br />
“You know you’re a bad cook when your family wants leftover pizza for Thanksgiving.” – Melanie White<br />
HOMES WANTED<br />
With many buyers unable to find a home,<br />
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Call me today and find out why now is a great time<br />
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david@fontaineteam.com • 207-329-5079<br />
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My dad would swear and then say “Excuse my French.” My teacher asked if anyone knew a<br />
different language, I raised my hand.<br />
Download<br />
our APP<br />
Hero’s Subs<br />
Gratitude<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
In the week before<br />
Thanksgiving Mary-Jo<br />
asked her class of 9<br />
year-olds to write a<br />
paragraph titled:<br />
‘What I am most thankful<br />
for on Thanksgiving<br />
Day’.<br />
$<br />
25 minimum for delivery<br />
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<strong>November</strong> 30, <strong>2017</strong><br />
Coupon good through<br />
<strong>November</strong> 30, <strong>2017</strong><br />
Coupon good through<br />
<strong>November</strong> 30, <strong>2017</strong><br />
Coupon good through<br />
<strong>November</strong> 30, <strong>2017</strong><br />
All Joey could write<br />
was: ‘I am thankful<br />
that I’m not a turkey at<br />
Thanksgiving.’<br />
Turkeys will have 3,500 feathers at maturity.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27
Fr<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
JT Reids Gun Show<br />
Did you<br />
know the first<br />
recorded use of a<br />
firearm was in<br />
1364?<br />
Dream more often than you sleep.<br />
8<br />
Jamie Pelletier<br />
What came<br />
first, the gun or<br />
the ammo?<br />
1<br />
•<br />
•<br />
John Chandler<br />
Duh!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
28<br />
Matt Mason<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Deja Poo: The feeling you’ve heard this crap before.
I’m wearing the smile you gave me.<br />
Blessing<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
86 Court St., Auburn<br />
777-3579<br />
HUGE SALE on Fire Arms &<br />
Accessories!<br />
www.jtreidsgunshop.com<br />
We Offer Hand Gun<br />
Safety Courses!<br />
Call for more information<br />
Once a woman invited<br />
some people to dinner.<br />
At the table, she turned<br />
to their six-year-old<br />
daughter and said,<br />
“Would you like to say<br />
the blessing?”<br />
“I wouldn’t know what<br />
to say,” the girl replied.<br />
“Just say what you<br />
hear mommy say,” the<br />
woman answered.<br />
19 tables of local Crafters & Vendors<br />
• Scentsy • Christmas Ornaments<br />
• Knitted Items • Hand-painted gifts<br />
& MORE!<br />
Free Photo with Santa on<br />
Saturday 11am - 1pm<br />
Lunch Menu throughout the<br />
day including Lobster Rolls!<br />
We can’t change the wind, but we can adjust the sails.<br />
• Raffle Baskets<br />
• 50/50<br />
• Bake Sale<br />
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!<br />
64 Lewiston Road, Gray<br />
657-4714 • ColeFarms.com<br />
• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily<br />
• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar<br />
• Daily Specials<br />
• Wednesdays Open Mic<br />
The daughter bowed<br />
her head and said,<br />
“Lord, why on earth did<br />
I invite all these people<br />
to dinner?”<br />
First Time<br />
Turkey<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
It was the first time<br />
Pam was eating<br />
Thanksgiving dinner<br />
without her family.<br />
Trying to re-enact the<br />
tradition, she prepared<br />
a dinner for herself<br />
alone. The next day,<br />
her mother called to<br />
see how everything<br />
went.<br />
“Oh, mother, I made<br />
myself a lovely dinner,<br />
but I had so much<br />
trouble trying to eat<br />
the turkey!” said the<br />
daughter.<br />
“Did it not taste good?”<br />
her mother asked.<br />
“I don’t know,” Pam<br />
said. “It wouldn’t sit<br />
still!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 29
Black<br />
<strong>November</strong><br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.<br />
When I was a young<br />
turkey, new to the<br />
coop, my big brother<br />
Mike took me out on<br />
the stoop.<br />
He sat me down, and<br />
spoke real slow, as<br />
he told me there was<br />
something that I had to<br />
know;<br />
His look and his tone I<br />
will always remember,<br />
when he told me of<br />
the horrors of Black<br />
<strong>November</strong>;<br />
“Come about August,<br />
now listen to me, each<br />
day you’ll be thick,<br />
where once you were<br />
thin, and you’ll grow a<br />
big rubbery thing under<br />
your chin.<br />
S<br />
And then one morning,<br />
when you’re warm in<br />
your bed, in’ll burst the<br />
farmer’s wife, and hack<br />
off your head;<br />
Then she’ll pluck out<br />
all your feathers so<br />
you’re bald’n pink,<br />
and scoop out all your<br />
insides and leave ya<br />
lyin’ in the sink,<br />
And then comes the<br />
worst part” he said not<br />
bluffing, “She’ll spread<br />
your cheeks and pack<br />
your rear with stuffing.”<br />
Well, the rest of his<br />
words were too grim<br />
to repeat, I sat on the<br />
stoop like a winged<br />
piece of meat.<br />
I decided on the spot<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
*Ex<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
30<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
In my next life I’m going to have more memory installed.
Seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer.<br />
Federal Firearms License<br />
Gun Background Checks/Transfers<br />
Fire Arms Transfers $25 per transfer<br />
Only 25 Minutes from Auburn & Gray<br />
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Uniforms for Winter Sports<br />
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205 Washington Street South, Auburn • 207-784-4184 • coastaltshirts.com<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
that to avoid being<br />
cooked, I’d have to lay<br />
low and remain<br />
overlooked;<br />
I began a new diet<br />
of nuts and granola.<br />
High-roughage salads,<br />
juice, and diet cola.<br />
As they ate pastries,<br />
chocolates and crepes,<br />
I stayed in my room<br />
doing Jane Fonda<br />
tapes.<br />
I maintained my weight<br />
of two pounds and a<br />
half, and tried not to<br />
notice when the bigger<br />
birds laughed;<br />
But ‘twas I who was<br />
laughing, under<br />
my breath, As they<br />
chomped and they<br />
chewed, ever closer to<br />
death;<br />
Sure enough when<br />
Black <strong>November</strong> rolled<br />
around, I was the last<br />
turkey left in the entire<br />
compound;<br />
So now I’m a pet in the<br />
farmer’s wife’s lap;<br />
I haven’t a worry, so I<br />
eat and I nap,<br />
Mention this ad in the store and get:<br />
Sales - Service - Installation<br />
(207)786-4256<br />
1057 Sabattus Street, Lewiston<br />
www.ricksswimmingpools.com<br />
Follow Us For More<br />
Information!<br />
She held me today,<br />
while sewing and humming,<br />
smiled at me<br />
and said “Christmas is<br />
coming........”<br />
*Exclusions apply. See store for details.<br />
In a world where you can be anything... Be Kind.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 31
CALL THE PROS<br />
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Plumber 2 years<br />
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RAY HURILLA PLUMBING & HEATING CO.<br />
207-485-7357<br />
RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com<br />
6<br />
on all 5¢ returns<br />
¢ with this coupon.<br />
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />
Bottle Drives<br />
Welcome!<br />
REDEMPTION CENTER<br />
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 11.30.17<br />
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since 1989<br />
IS YOUR VEHICLE READY FOR OLD MAN WINTER?<br />
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Nut, Bolts, fastners... We make keys!<br />
O<br />
Re<br />
Co<br />
Cl<br />
Ro<br />
Th<br />
9<br />
I<br />
W<br />
s<br />
L<br />
Central Maine’s choice for<br />
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155 Center Street, Auburn<br />
782-9500 • bglcpa@aol.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
32<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
The Wampanoag Indians were the people who taught the Pilgrims how to<br />
cultivate the land.
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Join us for some AFFORDABLE FUN!<br />
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FROM CLASSIC CARS<br />
TO MODERN CARS<br />
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Senior Citizens Welcome<br />
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26 Nickerson Ave, Auburn<br />
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Sweedish • Deep Tissue<br />
Reiki • Offsite Chair<br />
Pre & Post Natal<br />
185 Webster St. Lewiston • 207-240-6415<br />
If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33
•<br />
•<br />
S<br />
CALL THE PROS<br />
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• Water Damage<br />
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• Hard Surface Floors<br />
• Tile and Grout<br />
• Post Construction Cleaning<br />
•<br />
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29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn<br />
207-539-4452<br />
smfireandwater.com • smcarpetcleaning.com<br />
Jeff<br />
Congratulations to former Yankee player,<br />
Larry Gowell, Auburn local, has a new release<br />
Topps baseball card.<br />
Halloween<br />
is my favorite, but<br />
Thanksgiving is a close<br />
2nd.<br />
New Advertisers get 30% OFF<br />
Call Tim TODAY!<br />
Saving the<br />
world one<br />
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at a time!<br />
Tim Rucker 207-576-8049<br />
Connelly Jarman<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
34<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
I’ve just bought a mirror clock, it may be time for reflection.
Aspire to inspire before we expire.<br />
LAVA<br />
FONDUE RESTAURANT &<br />
SHOW LOUNGE<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
JT Reids Gun Show<br />
It’s a dog<br />
eat dog world out<br />
there...<br />
Breakfast, Brunch & Bloody’s<br />
• FULL BREAKFAST/LUNCH MENU<br />
8A-2P WED-SUN.<br />
• FREE BACON HAPPY HOUR<br />
4-6P WED. - SAT.<br />
• COMEDY SHOWS<br />
EVERY FRI. & SAT. @ 8P<br />
For tix text<br />
200-8057 or<br />
message us on FB<br />
PAINT NIGHT EVERY THURSDAY<br />
seating @ 6:45; Paint @ 8<br />
For tix text 200-8057 or message us on FB<br />
LAVAFONDUESHOWLOUNGE.COM<br />
34 Court St. Auburn • HOURS: Wed. & Thurs. 8a-7p, Fri. & Sat. 8a-10p, Sun. 8a-2p<br />
and this dog<br />
wants to eat!<br />
12 Bates St. Lewiston - 795-6710<br />
PO Box 1319 Lewiston 04243-1319<br />
www.commonties.org<br />
Since<br />
1954<br />
OUR SERVICES:<br />
• Case Management<br />
• Housing Resources<br />
Rollodrome<br />
SK8 SCHEDULE<br />
Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm<br />
Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00<br />
Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm<br />
Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm<br />
Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 9:30pm<br />
Book your<br />
Holiday Party<br />
with us!<br />
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940<br />
www.rollodrome.com<br />
It’s nice when toxic people stop talking to you. It’s like the trash took itself out.<br />
John Reid &<br />
Benjamin<br />
Rucker,<br />
I’m going to pile<br />
drive you!<br />
Shannan Ward<br />
Reid<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 35
Out ‘n About with<br />
Maine Veterans’<br />
Homes<br />
for their Longevity Celebration<br />
at Maurice Restaurant<br />
Laurie Wilson &<br />
Lisa Legendre<br />
Angela &<br />
Bradford Peck<br />
John & Penny<br />
Kittredge<br />
Those moments when you hope your child’s sass will help them lead a company,<br />
not a gang in prison<br />
Mon-Thurs. 11a-9p<br />
Fri. 11a-11p; Sat. 10a-11p • Sun. 10a-9p<br />
www.aeroairpark.com<br />
#aeroairpark<br />
207-783-3888<br />
40 East Ave. Lewiston<br />
Next to Sea40<br />
Thursday tumble<br />
4 - 6pm<br />
Toddler Tumble<br />
Open for little ones<br />
under 46”<br />
$<br />
8/child for 2hr<br />
free for Mom & dads<br />
Toddler Tuesday<br />
11am - 2pm<br />
Open only for Little<br />
ones 46” & under.<br />
have a picnic in our<br />
party room.<br />
$<br />
10 for 3hr<br />
free for Mom & dads<br />
Teen Nights<br />
Friday & Saturday<br />
8 - 11pm<br />
Turn on the party<br />
lights and Jump!<br />
NEW - Glow Dodgeball<br />
$<br />
18 for 2hr<br />
NEW!<br />
Aero Air Park<br />
Weekly Specials<br />
Every Tuesday<br />
& Thursday<br />
2 for 1<br />
$<br />
13/pp for 2 hours<br />
7 - 9pm<br />
Manic Monday<br />
3 - 9pm<br />
Jump during these<br />
hours for 1 price!<br />
$<br />
13 big aero<br />
$<br />
10 little aero<br />
Hump day jump day<br />
Wed. Family Night<br />
5 - 9pm<br />
1hr jump pass, 1 bottle<br />
water &1 locker<br />
$<br />
40/ 4 people<br />
$<br />
10 each addtl.<br />
Ho<br />
Fri<br />
Sa<br />
Su<br />
s<br />
Jacob Paar<br />
Volunteer<br />
NOTICE:<br />
• Aero Air Park has the right to change the dates or cancel the events<br />
without notice due to extreme weather conditions or unforeseen situations.<br />
• Notifications will always be listed on the Aero Air Par Facebook Page<br />
• Not valid on school breaks, holidays or summer<br />
Buy 1 Jump<br />
Get 1half off!<br />
expires 11/30/17<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
36<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that wasn’t there before.
Hours: Nov. thru Dec.23rd<br />
Friday: 5:30 pm - 8:30 pm<br />
Saturday: 9:00 am – 5:00 pm<br />
Sunday:9:00 am – 5:00 pm<br />
Stop in for<br />
some great Holiday<br />
gift ideas!<br />
I don’t know where I’m going but I’m on my way.<br />
w<br />
Vintage<br />
Farmhouse<br />
COUNTRY PRIMITIVE GIFT SHOP<br />
135 Main Street, Sabattus • 207.576.5443<br />
Pumpkin Pie<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Jolene was only eight<br />
years old and lived<br />
way out in the country<br />
with her parents who<br />
rarely entertained<br />
any visitors. One day<br />
Jolene’s mother said<br />
that her father was<br />
bringing two guests<br />
home for Thanksgiving<br />
supper.<br />
After they had enjoyed<br />
the turkey, Jolene went<br />
to the kitchen to help<br />
her mother. She proudly<br />
brought out the first<br />
piece of pumpkin pie<br />
and gave it to her father,<br />
who then passed<br />
the plate to a guest.<br />
When Jolene came<br />
out with the second<br />
piece and gave it to<br />
her father, he again<br />
gave it to a guest. This<br />
was too much for the<br />
little girl. “It’s no use,<br />
Daddy,” she cried.<br />
“The pieces are all the<br />
same size.”<br />
Discovery<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
!<br />
Locally Owned & Operated<br />
ROGERS INSURANCE AGENCY<br />
Auto • Business • Home • Life<br />
38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls<br />
353-6834<br />
In the US, about 280 million turkeys are sold for the Thanksgiving celebrations.<br />
Most folks believe that<br />
Ben Franklin discovered<br />
electricity with<br />
his famous kite<br />
experiment.<br />
Actually, a women<br />
made that discovery<br />
possible. The real<br />
story was that Ben<br />
Franklin was laying in<br />
bed with his wife one<br />
night, leaned over and<br />
whispered something<br />
in her ear.<br />
She told him to go fly a<br />
kite. The rest is history.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 37
<strong>November</strong> Birthdays<br />
photos courtesy of Heidi Sawyer<br />
Happy 1st Birthday Jacob!<br />
Love, Papa & Nana<br />
Happy Birthday Steve Simard!<br />
From everyone at the UAD office<br />
Happy Birthday to my beautiful<br />
wife, Rebekah Leonard!<br />
Love, Matt<br />
Happy Birthday to our AMAZING<br />
husband, father & Jack of all trades!<br />
We love you! Tarsha, Sadie, Rudy, & Imani<br />
Ron Hood, you did a grape job<br />
raisin us, you’re the best pearent.<br />
We love you berry much!<br />
Happy Birthday! – A+J<br />
When you see PAM! Out ‘n About<br />
wish her a happy birthday!<br />
Love you, Grant<br />
11<br />
December<br />
Birthdays!<br />
O<br />
Happy Birthday Brenda Eastman!<br />
Love, your husband, Walt<br />
Happy Birthday Thomas Hill!<br />
From everyone at the UAD office<br />
Call or email us to wish your<br />
friend or family member a<br />
Happy Birthday right here in<br />
the <strong>Digest</strong>! Only $35<br />
Know someone that has a birthday coming up? Purchase a spot on our birthday page to wish them the very best!<br />
Call 783-7039 or email design@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com for more information.<br />
Presidential Pardon of a Turkey<br />
The official “pardoning” of White House turkeys is an interesting White House<br />
tradition that has captured the imagination of the public in recent<br />
years. It is often stated that President Lincoln’s 1863 clemency to<br />
a turkey recorded in an 1865 dispatch by White House reporter<br />
Noah Brooks was the origin for the pardoning ceremony.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
38<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Surround yourself with people who are more excited about celebrating<br />
your birthday than you are.
yer<br />
TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
The Cage<br />
for the Poland Spring Golf<br />
Course Men’s League banquet<br />
Michelle &<br />
Rodney Green<br />
1175 Minot Ave, Auburn • 207-783-8548 • morrisontruck.net<br />
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries<br />
are getting weak?<br />
Don Lebrun &<br />
Paul Carpentier<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
Wallingford’s<br />
My daddy is<br />
Super Hero!<br />
Debbie Arneault<br />
RULES<br />
GUY<br />
City of Auburn Police officer, Andy Jarman and his daughter Connelly<br />
I have neither the time or the crayons to explain this to you.<br />
Pat Henry &<br />
Vic Gaudreau<br />
League Champs<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 39
Out ‘n About at<br />
The Cage<br />
for the Poland Spring Golf<br />
Course Men’s League banquet<br />
Tom Malia<br />
GOLF. Because<br />
all the other four<br />
letter words were<br />
taken.<br />
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.<br />
The<br />
Heart<br />
of<br />
Hope<br />
Charitable Fund For Breast Cancer<br />
presents<br />
&<br />
Tim Malia<br />
Gary Rogers<br />
Riddle<br />
Submitted by Don Robitaille<br />
What is the most<br />
amount of coins<br />
(American) that you<br />
can have, yet not have<br />
change for a dollar?<br />
Answer: $1.19<br />
3 quarters, 4 dimes &<br />
4 pennies<br />
sponsored by:<br />
Saturday, <strong>November</strong> 25th<br />
at the Franco Center, Lewiston • 7-9pm<br />
AudioBody lets their habit of one-upping each other steer a<br />
spectacle of kaleidoscopic strobes, LED lights, juggling, music,<br />
contortion & hilarity. They create & build wacky musical<br />
inventions that creates moments of thrilling visuals as well<br />
as comedic technological mishaps & spectacular disasters.<br />
AudioBody’s multifaceted training and over 23 years of experience<br />
in the performing arts has brought them all over the US<br />
and abroad. Some highlights include Disney Cruise Ships, the<br />
Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas, the Golden Phoenix Casino,<br />
and even The White House in Washington DC three times!<br />
Bring the Family!<br />
Tickets available at<br />
HeartofHopeCharity.com<br />
Adults: $10 • Children 12 & under: $6<br />
At the Door: Adults: $12 • Children under 12 $8<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
40<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Seen it all. Done it all. Can’t remember most of it.<br />
Yo
The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest!<br />
Testimonial for UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST<br />
MAINELY<br />
Junk Removal<br />
& Delivery Services, LLC<br />
Last Rites<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
A Catholic man is<br />
struck by a bus in a<br />
busy street. He was<br />
lying near death on the<br />
sidewalk as a crowd<br />
gathered.<br />
“A priest…... Somebody<br />
please get me<br />
a priest!” the man<br />
gasped. Long seconds<br />
dragged on but no<br />
one stepped out of the<br />
crowd.<br />
A policeman checked<br />
the crowd and finally<br />
yelled, “A PRIEST,<br />
PLEASE! Isn’t<br />
there a priest in this<br />
crowd to give this man<br />
his last rites?” Finally<br />
out of the crowd<br />
stepped a little old man<br />
in his mid 80’s.<br />
-<br />
l<br />
ll<br />
s.<br />
I have received great feedback in a short amount of time<br />
from my ad in <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>. With my picture in the ad,<br />
customers have felt more comfortable in hiring me for a job. I<br />
am very happy with the reception I’ve received around town and<br />
by family and friends. If you are thinking of<br />
advertising locally, the <strong>Digest</strong> is a great choice!<br />
Ben Cunningham<br />
Owner/Operator<br />
See my ad on pg. 32<br />
You haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.<br />
“Mr. Policeman,” said<br />
the man, “I’m not a<br />
priest, I’m not even a<br />
Christian. But for 50<br />
years now, I’ve lived<br />
behind the Catholic<br />
Church on Dunn Avenue,<br />
and every night<br />
I hear their services.<br />
I can recall a lot of it,<br />
and maybe I can be of<br />
some comfort to this<br />
poor man.”<br />
The policeman agreed,<br />
and cleared the crowd<br />
so the man could get<br />
through to where the<br />
injured man lay. The<br />
old man knelt down,<br />
leaned over the man<br />
and said in a solemn<br />
voice:<br />
B-5 .... I-19 ... N-38 ...<br />
G-54 ..... O-72<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 41
C<br />
A<br />
Applicants<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Murphy applied for an<br />
engineering position at<br />
a firm based in Ohio.<br />
John applied for the<br />
same job and both<br />
applicants having the<br />
same qualifications<br />
were asked to take a<br />
test by the Department<br />
manager.<br />
Upon completion of<br />
the test both men only<br />
missed one of the<br />
questions.<br />
The manager went<br />
to Murphy and said,<br />
“Thank you for your<br />
interest, but we’ve<br />
decided to give John<br />
the job”<br />
Murphy: “Why would<br />
you be doing that? We<br />
both got 9 questions<br />
correct.”<br />
Manager: “We have<br />
made our decision<br />
not on the correct<br />
answers, but on the<br />
question you both<br />
missed.”<br />
Murphy: “And just how<br />
would one incorrect<br />
answer be better than<br />
the other?”<br />
Manager: “Simple,<br />
John put down on<br />
question # 5, “I don’t<br />
know”. You put down<br />
“Neither do I”.<br />
Proudly Presents our Annual<br />
Lewiston Police Athletic League All Stars<br />
VS.<br />
Former “Bruins Greats”<br />
Holiday Hockey Extravaganza<br />
Friday, December 15<br />
7:00PM game<br />
Doors Open at 6PM<br />
of Maine<br />
Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.<br />
Autographs<br />
& photos with<br />
your favorite<br />
Bruins!<br />
TOYS FOR TOTS<br />
Bring a new, unopened toy to donate to Toys for Tots<br />
and help a family this Holiday Season!<br />
Mon<br />
Thu<br />
H<br />
Ca<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
42<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Life is short. Smile, while you still have teeth.
Fisheye lenses make the world go round.<br />
The American Legion<br />
FAMILY<br />
JOIN US FOR NFL<br />
SUNDAY’S<br />
OPEN<br />
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 1pm - close<br />
Thursday, Friday, Saturday noon to close<br />
Sunday noon to close<br />
Hall Rentals Available<br />
Call for more information<br />
207-782-1118<br />
William J. Rogers Post 153<br />
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118 • Activities • Members & Guests Welcome<br />
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE W/ JEAN LOUIS<br />
Fri. & Sat. evenings 7-11pm in <strong>November</strong><br />
VETERAN’S DAY CHILI COOK-OFF<br />
SAT. NOV. 11 TH 11:30-1:00pm<br />
Excellent Dishes & Lots of Fun!<br />
BREAKFAST BUFFET SUN. NOV. 19 TH 8-10am<br />
$<br />
7/adult $ 4/child under 10<br />
MONTHLY MEETING<br />
WED. NOV. 15 TH<br />
50/50 Raffle & Attending members have a chance to win $100, $50 or $25<br />
DO YOU HAVE AN EVENT, FUNCTION OR GATHERING COMING UP?<br />
Give us a call and ask us about our “Beverage Service”<br />
Innocence<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
A little boy got lost at<br />
the YMCA and found<br />
himself in the women’s<br />
locker room.<br />
When he was spotted,<br />
the room burst into<br />
shrieks, with ladies<br />
grabbing towels and<br />
running for cover.<br />
The little boy watched<br />
in amazement and<br />
then asked, “What’s<br />
the matter, haven’t you<br />
ever seen a little boy<br />
before?”<br />
Just once it’d be nice to hear the word “sir,” without it immediately being followed by, “you’re making a scene.”<br />
HIGHEST QUALITY<br />
SEAMLESS GUTTERS<br />
10 Years<br />
Experience<br />
fully insured<br />
Free Estimates<br />
Corey Binette<br />
owner<br />
207-240-4048<br />
corey@gutterbrothersmaine.com<br />
Cell:<br />
207<br />
212.6923<br />
Shop:<br />
1160 Rt 202, Greene<br />
207<br />
946.6176<br />
Sales • Service • Restorations<br />
All makes & models, also motorcycles, snowmobiles & RV’s<br />
• Oil Changes<br />
• Brakes<br />
• Water Pumps<br />
• Tune-Ups<br />
• Motors<br />
• Shocks & Struts<br />
I dated a TV weather girl once just so I could be with a woman who wasn’t right all the time.<br />
A Memento<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Caring Family Dentists & Specialists!<br />
488 Sabattus St., Lewiston<br />
207-783-8800<br />
AndroscogginDentalGroup.com<br />
“Affordable Dental Excellence”<br />
I’m determined to count backwards from one million: I’ll stop at nothing!<br />
Seeing her friend Sally<br />
wearing a new locket,<br />
Meg asks if there is a<br />
memento of some sort<br />
inside.<br />
“Yes,” says Sally, “a<br />
lock of my husband’s<br />
hair.”<br />
“But Larry’s still alive.”<br />
“I know, but his hair is<br />
gone.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 43
Stock Market<br />
Review<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
It’s been a rocky week<br />
for the Stock Market.<br />
Here’s a summary:<br />
Helium was up, feathers<br />
were down. Paper<br />
was stationary. Ticonderoga<br />
Pencils lost<br />
a few points. Though<br />
Elevators rose, escalators<br />
continued their<br />
slow decline.<br />
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.<br />
Fall Loan<br />
Promotions<br />
Weights were up in<br />
heavy trading. Light<br />
switches were off.<br />
Mining equipment<br />
hit rock bottom. The<br />
market for raisins dried<br />
up. Pampers remained<br />
unchanged.<br />
Caterpillar stock<br />
inched up a bit. Sun<br />
peaked at midday.<br />
Birds Eye Peas Split.<br />
Stanley Tools filed for<br />
Chapter 11 and Scott<br />
Tissues touched a new<br />
bottom.<br />
Vet Visit<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
Fuel Loan<br />
Up to $ 3,000 for 12 months<br />
AT 3.40% APR*<br />
9/01/17 to 12/31/17<br />
Secured Loan Promotion<br />
90 Days. No Payments<br />
Rates as low as 2.60% APR*<br />
9/01/17 to 12/31/17<br />
Ho-Ho Holiday Loan<br />
Up to $ 2,000 for 12 months<br />
AT 2.50% APR*<br />
10/01/17 to 12/25/17<br />
Skip-a-Pay<br />
Skip a payment in<br />
Nov. Dec. or Jan.<br />
10/01/17 to 01/31/18<br />
O<br />
Steve took his German<br />
Shepherd to the vet.<br />
“Doctor,” he said sadly,<br />
“I’m afraid I’m going to<br />
have to ask you to cut<br />
off my dog’s tail.”<br />
The vet stepped back,<br />
“Steve, why should<br />
I do such a terrible<br />
thing?”<br />
“Because my motherin-law’s<br />
arriving tomorrow,<br />
and I don’t want<br />
anything to make her<br />
think she’s welcome.”<br />
• H<br />
• H<br />
• D<br />
• C<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
44<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Californians are the largest consumers of turkey in the United States.
The heaviest turkey ever raised was 86 pounds, about the size of a large dog.<br />
OPEN THANKSGIVING DAY!<br />
11A - 6P<br />
RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED<br />
Gift cards<br />
make a great gift!<br />
Out ‘n About with<br />
Maine Veterans’<br />
Homes<br />
for their Longevity Celebration<br />
at Maurice Restaurant<br />
Best Seafood Restaurant<br />
Ten years in a row.<br />
Award Winning Chowder<br />
Family Owned<br />
for 3 Generations<br />
HOURS:<br />
Sun. Tues. Wed.<br />
11am - 8pm<br />
Thurs. Fri. Sat.<br />
11am - 9pm<br />
Closed Mon.<br />
Bethany Wing-Cook<br />
15 years<br />
165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796<br />
Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com<br />
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.<br />
DMR Sealcoating<br />
DRIVEWAY MAINTENANCE & REPAIR<br />
Bonnie Marshall<br />
10 years<br />
Marjorie Stickney<br />
10 years<br />
• Hot Asphalt Patching<br />
• Hot Rubberized Crack Filler<br />
• Driveway/Walkway Edging<br />
• COMMERCIAL &<br />
RESIDENTIAL<br />
13 YEARS EXPERIENCE!<br />
Call us for your<br />
plowing & snow<br />
removal needs!<br />
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.<br />
FREE ESTIMATES<br />
207-740-7655<br />
DMRSealcoating.com<br />
We Accept Cash, Check,<br />
and All Major Credit Cards<br />
Valerie Hamel<br />
10 years<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 45
The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who<br />
got there first.<br />
Sabattus Regional Credit<br />
Union was ranked #5 in the<br />
Small Business Category,<br />
as one of the <strong>2017</strong> Best<br />
Places to Work in Maine.<br />
f<br />
Recipients were recognized<br />
for their placement<br />
on October 10th at the<br />
Augusta Civic Center.<br />
This statewide survey and<br />
awards program was designed<br />
to identify, recognize<br />
and honor the best places<br />
of employment in Maine,<br />
benefiting the state’s<br />
economy, its workforce and<br />
businesses.<br />
Companies from across<br />
the state entered the twopart<br />
process to determine<br />
the Best Places to Work<br />
in Maine. The first part<br />
consisted of evaluating<br />
each nominated company’s<br />
workplace policies, practices,<br />
and demographics.<br />
This part of the process<br />
was worth approximately<br />
25% of the total evaluation.<br />
The second part consisted<br />
of an employee survey to<br />
measure the employee<br />
experience. This part of the<br />
process was worth approximately<br />
75% of the total<br />
evaluation. The combined<br />
scores determined the top<br />
companies and the final<br />
rankings. Best Companies<br />
Group managed the overall<br />
registration and survey process<br />
in Maine and also analyzed<br />
the data and used<br />
their expertise to determine<br />
the final rankings.<br />
Out ‘n About at The Cage for Poland Spring Golf Course Men’s League Banquet<br />
Dan Lebrun, Vic Gaudreau, Larry Roy, Don Mercier & Jimbo Marston<br />
For more information on<br />
the Best Places to Work in<br />
Maine program, visit www.<br />
BestPlacestoWorkME.com<br />
or contact Jackie Miller at<br />
717-323-5237.<br />
See Sabattus CU ad on pg. 21<br />
M<br />
S<br />
E<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
46<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
My wallet is like an onion, when I open it, it makes me cry.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.<br />
Holiday Decorating<br />
for Your Home or Business<br />
Out ‘n About with<br />
Maine Veterans’<br />
Homes<br />
for their Longevity Celebration<br />
at Maurice Restaurant<br />
Poinsettias<br />
(4.5” up to 12”)<br />
as low as $ 5 .50 as low as $ 5 .50<br />
Penny Kittredge<br />
5 years<br />
t<br />
Cyclamen<br />
(4.5” up to 12”)<br />
Sandra Fowler<br />
5 years<br />
n<br />
Maine Wreaths, Trees, Garland<br />
& Kissing Balls $ 12 and up<br />
Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5:30pm<br />
Sat. & Sun. 9am - 4:30pm<br />
876 Summer St, Auburn<br />
207-777-5129<br />
Email: kim.finnerty@jfmh.org<br />
Whiting Farm, a division of John F. Murphy Homes is a working<br />
four season farm that is dedicated to community enrichment,<br />
education, and the support of people with disabilities. We offer<br />
flower and vegetable seedlings in the spring, fresh-picked<br />
vegetables all summer, mums and decorative items in the fall,<br />
and everything for your holiday decorating needs.<br />
COUPON<br />
Save 5% when you bring in this coupon<br />
at the time of purchase or use the code<br />
“UA<strong>2017</strong>” for phone or email orders.<br />
Ann Quackenbush<br />
10 years<br />
Jennifer White<br />
10 years<br />
I told my doctor, I broke my leg in two places. She told me to stay away<br />
from those places.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 47
Home for<br />
Dinner<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
The beggar pleaded<br />
to the wealthy man to<br />
give him a dollar to buy<br />
something to eat.<br />
“You poor fellow,”<br />
said the wealthy man.<br />
“Come with me and I’ll<br />
buy you a drink.”<br />
“Actually, I don’t drink.<br />
But I would like something<br />
to eat.”<br />
“Here, my friend. Take<br />
one of my Cuban cigars,”<br />
the wealthy man<br />
said.<br />
“Sorry, sir,” said the<br />
bum. “I don’t smoke.”<br />
“Very well, then come<br />
with me to Atlantic<br />
City! I’ll stake you in<br />
the casino and perhaps<br />
you’ll win enough<br />
to get your life back on<br />
track.”<br />
“I don’t gamble either,<br />
sir. But I would still<br />
very much like a bite<br />
to eat.”<br />
“You want to eat?,”<br />
asked the wealthy<br />
man. “Alright, come<br />
home with me and<br />
have dinner with my<br />
family.”<br />
“That’s very kind of<br />
you, sir. Thank you!”<br />
“Not at all,” replied the<br />
wealthy man. “I just<br />
want my wife to see<br />
what happens to a<br />
man that doesn’t drink,<br />
smoke, or gamble.”<br />
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!<br />
Co<br />
C<br />
C<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
48<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping... snacks and dessert.
A 15 pound turkey usually has about 70% white meat and 30% dark meat.<br />
Come & Enjoy Our Everyday Specials!<br />
MONDAY<br />
75¢ Wings<br />
Cheeseburger Special<br />
$<br />
5.99<br />
Cincinnati Spaghetti<br />
25oz domestic<br />
drafts $ 3.50<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Mexican Day<br />
3 Beef Tacos $ 4.99<br />
Thatcher’s Burrito $ 6.99<br />
$<br />
5 Well Margaritas<br />
$<br />
3 Coronas<br />
FRIDAY<br />
Fish & Chips<br />
$<br />
9.99<br />
Fried Scallops<br />
$<br />
13.99<br />
$<br />
7.99<br />
SUNDAY<br />
12” cheese pizza $ 5.99<br />
TUESDAY<br />
75¢ Wings<br />
Thatcher’s Burger<br />
BBQ sauce, cheddar, caramelized onions<br />
$<br />
7.99<br />
25oz domestic drafts $ 3.50<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Stuffed Peppers $ 6.99<br />
Buffalo Chicken Salad $ 8.99<br />
$<br />
4.00 microbrews<br />
SATURDAY<br />
Teriyaki tips $ 11.99<br />
2 Hotdogs w/fries $ 4.99<br />
$<br />
2.50 Miller Lite<br />
bottles<br />
$<br />
5 Well Bloody Mary’s • $ 2 Bud Drafts<br />
with Mashed<br />
Homemade Soups & Chowders<br />
Popcorn Shrimp, Scallops, Clam<br />
Strips, Haddock, & Whole Belly<br />
Clams available<br />
every day!<br />
“A place where<br />
family & friends<br />
gather for good food<br />
& cheer at great<br />
prices!”<br />
Auburn Mall<br />
207-782-2135<br />
Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm; Sun. 11am - 5pm<br />
Out ‘n About with<br />
Maine Veterans’<br />
Homes<br />
for their Longevity Celebration<br />
at Maurice Restaurant<br />
Mary Hagan<br />
5 years<br />
There are many paths on the journey through life. I think I might have<br />
chosen the psychopath.<br />
Laurie Wilson<br />
5 years<br />
Nancy Morgan<br />
5 years<br />
Jessica Scribner<br />
5 years<br />
“OMG, I gave thanks for everything yesterday, but it was the WRONG DAY.”<br />
– Steve Martin<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 49
W<br />
Ber<br />
Bla<br />
Clo<br />
Gru<br />
Wo<br />
Fre<br />
Ne<br />
Me<br />
Sea<br />
Vin<br />
Innovation<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
When NASA first<br />
started sending up<br />
astronauts, they quickly<br />
discovered that ballpoint<br />
pens would not<br />
work in zero gravity.<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
Breakfast & Lunch<br />
Specials Daily<br />
To combat the problem,<br />
NASA scientists<br />
spent a decade and<br />
$12 billion to develop a<br />
pen that writes in zero<br />
gravity, upside down,<br />
underwater, on almost<br />
any surface including<br />
glass and at temperatures<br />
ranging from<br />
below freezing to 300<br />
degrees Celsius.<br />
The Russians used a<br />
pencil.<br />
Let me<br />
cook you<br />
breakfast!<br />
Chef Wendi Arnold<br />
• Unusual Omelettes<br />
• Crepes<br />
• Breakfast All Day<br />
• Extensive Menu<br />
87 Mill St.<br />
New Auburn<br />
753-0171<br />
(for take-out)<br />
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />
Sunday 7 am – noon<br />
Out ‘n About at Maine Veterans’ Homes<br />
Be<br />
Co<br />
Sam<br />
Shi<br />
Pab<br />
Bax<br />
He<br />
Mil<br />
Blu<br />
Sie<br />
Ha<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
50<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039<br />
Sharyll Fellows & Patricia Paar<br />
Celebrating 20 years of service at Maine Veterans’ Home<br />
I got all my looks from my father. Mostly just the look of disappointment.<br />
W<br />
6
Celebrating<br />
25 Years!<br />
1992 - <strong>2017</strong><br />
RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE<br />
BACARDI<br />
1750ml $ 19.99<br />
Save $6<br />
BIRDDOG WHISKEY<br />
750ml<br />
$<br />
13.99<br />
Save $4<br />
DEWARS WHITE<br />
1750ml $ 39.99<br />
Save $5<br />
Beer Specials<br />
Coors Light 12oz 18pk................. $13.99<br />
Sam Adams 12pk ......................... $13.99<br />
Shipyard 12pk.............................. $13.99<br />
Pabst Blue Ribbon 30pk.............. $15.99<br />
Baxter Variety 12pk...................... $14.99<br />
Heineken 12pk............................. $13.99<br />
Miller Lite 12oz 12pk...................... $9.99<br />
Blue Moon 12pk........................... $14.99<br />
Sierra Nevada 12pk...................... $14.99<br />
Harpoon 12pk............................... $13.99<br />
Wine Specials<br />
Beringer 1.5L.................................. $8.99<br />
Black Box 3L................................ $17.99<br />
Clos Du Bois 750ml...................... $10.99<br />
Gruet 750ml.................................. $15.99<br />
Woodbridge 1.5L.......................... $10.99<br />
Freixenet 750ml.............................. $9.99<br />
Newman’s 750ml............................ $9.99<br />
Menage a Trois 750ml (except Prosecco)...$9.99<br />
Seaglass 750ml.............................. $9.99<br />
Vin Vault 3L................................... $16.99<br />
JOSE CUERVO<br />
1750ml $ 31.99<br />
Save $5<br />
KAHLUA<br />
1750ml<br />
$<br />
39.99<br />
Save $5<br />
JAGERMEISTER<br />
750ml<br />
$<br />
16.99 Save $5<br />
DISARONNO<br />
1750ml $ 24.99<br />
Save $4<br />
NEW AMSTERDAM<br />
1750ml<br />
$<br />
18.99<br />
Save $6<br />
JOHNNIE<br />
WALKER<br />
BLUE<br />
750ml<br />
$<br />
184.99<br />
Save $40<br />
SKYY VODKA 1750ml<br />
$<br />
21.99 Save $6<br />
e<br />
With SIX convenient locations, Roopers has all your beverage needs!<br />
694 Main St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
782-1482<br />
794 Sabattus St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
783-6353<br />
1420 Lisbon St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
333-3095<br />
545 Minot Ave.<br />
Auburn<br />
783-2047<br />
303-311 Main <strong>Uncle</strong> St. Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> Rte. 26<br />
Auburn<br />
Oxford<br />
783-9098 Nov. <strong>2017</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 539-6072 51<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo
Bookkeeping • QuickBooks Hosting & Consulting<br />
Billing • MaineCare Billing • Budgeting<br />
Accounts Receivable Management • Financial Reporting<br />
Tel: 207-795-0663<br />
kbrunelle@RCCmaine.com<br />
www.RCCmaine.com<br />
Celebrating 20 Years<br />
1997 - <strong>2017</strong><br />
Kevin Michael Brunelle<br />
Certified Public Accountant<br />
219 Mount Auburn Ave., Auburn<br />
“We are dedicated to providing<br />
personalized, professional treatment<br />
to our patients in a caring and<br />
comfortable environment.”<br />
1-844-DOC-CHEN<br />
730 Center St. Auburn<br />
(Big Lots) Plaza<br />
(207)783-1351<br />
auburnfamilydental.me<br />
On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the<br />
same moment... halftime.<br />
There’s something about<br />
warm food on a Snowy Day!<br />
Fresh Donuts • UFO’s • Pizza • Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner<br />
GEORGIO’S<br />
783-2981<br />
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />
www.mygeorgios.com<br />
Healthy Choices too! Soups, Salads & more!<br />
Coffee and<br />
a donut!<br />
Serving Greater LA since the 1950s.<br />
Eat-In or Take-Out<br />
Breakfast<br />
sandwich<br />
Can’t wait to<br />
get my UFO!<br />
Time to<br />
EAT!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Locally owned & operated<br />
open daily 5am-9pm<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com<br />
52 <strong>November</strong> <strong>2017</strong> 783-7039
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