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Reflections - cover2

Selected Writings & Artwork by Harriett Copeland Lillard

68 Spilt Milk

68 Spilt Milk 3

Spilt Milk A long time ago there was a little girl who felt unlovely and unloved, who carried within her a pervasive, lonely sadness. The concept of original sin must have been thought up especially for her because she could not remember when she did not feel unworthy and guilt of some unknown sin. The need for perpetual gratitude and constant, self-effacing humility were fed to her along with her oatmeal and scrambled eggs. Somewhere out there was a nebulous ideal of goodness and right that she knew she must strive for yet never achieve, so inadequacy joined the pantheon of her feelings. Her mother came to represent to her the unbendable, inflexible quality of rightness, yet her father's loving tenderness, which her mother characterized as weakness in a man, seemed more in line with what she instinctively felt to be truly good in humanity. But being loving, gentle, compassionate and feeling carried with it the inevitable possibility of making a mistake, of confusing black and white with some deadly shade of gray. So confusion joined the ranks. Eventually the little girl grew into a woman. She still felt the eternal sadness, the guilt and unworthiness, the need to be grateful and humble, the inadequacy and confusion. But somewhere within her was a quiet strength, a sense of herself and the rightness of her humanity with all its shades of gray. She daily fought the lusty winds of resentment, anger and revenge; she learned to acknowledge and accept them without being conquered by them. Sometimes she won, sometimes she lost, but at all times she grew. Here is one small victory. ˜ The milk did not splash and splatter its way across the table. It left her father’s glass as if solidified into an irregular white mass and hit her mother full in the face. It shattered into a million pieces, splashing on the wall and the precious piano behind her mother’s chair, lubricating the piano keys as it went. The girl froze in her chair, a forkful of mashed potato and green peas in mid air between plate and mouth. Her mother rose from her chair, a cornered lioness’ scream escaping her, and reaching across the table, she hit her husband full in the face with her fist. Grabbing her arm, he locked them together in some primeval contest. The girl dropped her fork and began to cry, begging them to stop. They did not hear her pleas. The fan continued its slow and deliberate oscillation from its position on the floor, oblivious to the disintegration it witnessed. To the girl, it represented a clear and present danger, so accustomed was she to being warned of its menace. Its whirring blades were barely covered with a decorative black wire cage of sorts, but it offered no protection. The two bodies staggering around the room in mortal combat could easily fall into it. She did the only thing she could do to protect them; she jumped up and yanked the plug out of the wall. She had been told not to ever touch the fan. Somehow she found herself on the back porch steps. The August evening was close and oppressively hot. She covered her ears but the sounds from inside the house would not be so easily shut out. There were yells and thuds, recriminations and curses, as the two people who composed the 4

  • Page 1: Reflections Selected Writings & Art
  • Page 4 and 5: This book is dedicated to the memor
  • Page 6 and 7: Introduction Before launching headf
  • Page 8 and 9: Collected Writings 1
  • Page 12 and 13: Spilt Milk little girl’s world th
  • Page 14 and 15: A Journey not Measured in Miles 7
  • Page 16 and 17: Part I 1949 9
  • Page 18 and 19: 11
  • Page 20 and 21: A Journey not Measured in Miles - 1
  • Page 22 and 23: Part II Rash 15
  • Page 24 and 25: 17
  • Page 26 and 27: A Journey not Measured in Miles - R
  • Page 28 and 29: 21
  • Page 30 and 31: A Journey not Measured in Miles - R
  • Page 32 and 33: 25
  • Page 34 and 35: A Journey not Measured in Miles - R
  • Page 36 and 37: 29
  • Page 38 and 39: 31
  • Page 40 and 41: A Journey not Measured in Miles - R
  • Page 42 and 43: 35
  • Page 44 and 45: A Journey not Measured in Miles - R
  • Page 46 and 47: A Journey not Measured in Miles - R
  • Page 48 and 49: Epilogue Isolation 41
  • Page 50 and 51: A Journey not Measured in Miles - E
  • Page 52 and 53: Rocks in my Laundry Basket Chapters
  • Page 54 and 55: Rocks in my Laundry Basket - By Way
  • Page 56 and 57: Rocks in my Laundry Basket - Nestin
  • Page 58 and 59: Rocks in my Laundry Basket - Nestin
  • Page 60 and 61:

    Rocks in my Laundry Basket - Birthi

  • Page 62 and 63:

    Rocks in my Laundry Basket - Birthi

  • Page 64 and 65:

    Diary entries 1978 - 1981 57

  • Page 66 and 67:

    Diary 1978-1981 dead. There’s not

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    Diary 1978-1981 The Big Blues Febru

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    63

  • Page 72 and 73:

    Mexico Mexico is a trip in more way

  • Page 74 and 75:

    Football Fever 67

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    Observation Post She sat at the tab

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    Observation Post She noted with ple

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    Reflections 73

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    Reflections pleasures. The reflecte

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    Renaissance The minute examination

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    The Funeral 79

  • Page 88 and 89:

    Me and Virginia Woolf 81

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    Me and Virginia Woolf for all of us

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    Thoughts on being a Lady At a time

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    Thoughts on being a Lady we’re ho

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    Thoughts on being a Lady Looking ba

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    Fourteen Women 91

  • Page 100 and 101:

    Rosie 93

  • Page 102 and 103:

    Chloé 95

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    Purple Thistle 97

  • Page 106 and 107:

    Letter to my Free Spirit November 1

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    Letter to Carol December 1988 101

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    Color palette no. 1 1980-85 103

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    151 Landscapes ˜ Watercolor, acryl

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    Winter mountains Montana 1965 107

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    Storms brewing in the mountains Mon

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    111 Winter trees Montana 1965

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    113 Fall trees no. 2 Texas 1984

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    Native American series - Tepee Vill

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    117 Village life Mexico 1967

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    Village abstract Mexico 1967 Opposi

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    Bell peppers no. 1 1984-86 121

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    Fruits and vegetables no. 2 1984-86

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    Fruits and vegetables no. 4 1984-86

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    127 Flower arrangement no. 2 1984-8

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    129 Flower arrangement no. 4 1984-8

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    131 Petunias 1984-86

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    133 Iris 1984-86

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    135 Bone study no. 1 1984-85

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    Shell study no. 1 1984-85 137

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    Glass vases 1984-85 Opposite, Femal

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    Female lying down no. 2 1984-85 141

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    Female lying down no. 4 1984-85 143

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    145 Female sitting no. 2 1984-85

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    147 Female standing 1984-85

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    149 Male sitting no. 2 1984-85

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    151 Male standing no. 1 1984-85

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    153 Couple no. 1 1984-85

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    155 Leg study 1984-85

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    Foot study no. 2 1984-85 157

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    Arm 1984-85 159

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    Hand study no. 2 1984-85 161

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    Girl in profile 1980-85 163

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    165 Little girl no. 1, pencil 1980-

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    167 Self portrait in profile Date u

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    169 Girl no. 2 watercolor 1985

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    171 Girl no. 4 watercolor 1985

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    Girls no. 2 watercolor 1985 Opposit

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    Day to evening styles - bright colo

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    Casual day styles - mixed colors no

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    Evening wear 1984-86 179

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    Knee length patterned dress styles

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    Pastel dresses no. 1 1984-86 183

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    Dancers 1984-86 185

  • Page 194 and 195:

    Day to evening dress styles 1984-86

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    Sage green and patterned beige busi

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    Plaid dresses 1984-86 191

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    Wedding dresses 1984-86 193

  • Page 202 and 203:

    Blue business and day styles 1984-8

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    197 Purple dress no.1 1980-86

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    Harriett's designs on the runway 19

  • Page 208 and 209:

    Abstracts ˜ pen, watercolor & mixe

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    203 Purple geometric abstract no. 1

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    Purple geometric abstract no. 3 198

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    207 Block color abstract 1967

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    Contemporary watercolor 1984-85 209

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    Newspaper collage 1984-85 Opposite,

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    213 Color palette no. 3 1984-86

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    Color palette no. 5 1980-85 215

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    Native American series - preparator

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    Summer trees (Texas) - preparatory

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    Image Credits p. 3 Credit NPR p. 6

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    Epilogue In August 2016, I spent a

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    HARRIETT GWYNETHE COPELAND LILLARD