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<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong><br />

Better Understanding<br />

Around Coercive Control<br />

November 2017<br />

The East Anglia Edition<br />


Revolutionary Safeguarding<br />

From A Husband and Wife Team<br />




Frontline Training To Break The Myths<br />

For: Police-GP's-Nurses,-Midwives,-Teachers,-Safeguarding<br />

Leads, Social-Workers.-Lawyers-Counsellors, Paramedics<br />

Looking at various responses to Coercive<br />

Control in Suffolk,Cambridgeshire, Norfolk

Contents<br />

Editor's Notes<br />

5 It's been an intersting month.<br />

Find out why.<br />

Operation Encompass<br />

6 A husband and wife team get<br />

serious about safeguarding.<br />

Lisa Aronson-Fontes, PhD<br />

9 Lisa explains how abusers<br />

brainwash using 'Perspecticide'.<br />

When Courts Get It Wrong<br />

14 Sophia Cooke on why she wrote her<br />

blog.<br />

High-FunctioningSurviving<br />

18 Nancy's story<br />

Jessica Eaton<br />

22 Jessica on why showing CSE films to<br />

children is unethical<br />

Emma Bond<br />

31 Associate Professor of UCS<br />

and Director of iSEED<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Contents<br />

Hollie GazzardTrust<br />

33 Nick Gazzard trains employers on<br />

abuse and on their obligations.<br />

Graham Goulden<br />

39 Interview with Director of<br />

Cultivating Minds UK<br />

40th Norwich Beer Festival<br />

46 The festival charity of the year<br />

is Leeway. Wey Hey!!<br />

Charity Focus<br />

47 We interview Mandy Procter,<br />

CEO of Leeway.<br />

Elder Abuse<br />

51 Rachel's story about elder abuse<br />

and dementia.<br />

When Courts Get It Wrong<br />

54 Kelly's Story<br />

Mobbing<br />

56 Trolling with an agenda.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Contents<br />

Mobbing<br />

56 Some screenshots of the<br />

interactions in mobbing.<br />

Gwen Owen<br />

68 We find out more about the civil<br />

and commercial mediator.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />

70 Coming to East Anglia in 2018<br />

Abuse Talk<br />

71 Jennifer Gilmour gives us an<br />

update on the recent chat.<br />

Online Book Club<br />

72 A book club with a difference<br />

Gallery Highwaymans<br />

73 A look at a Suffolk getaway and<br />

conference centre.<br />

Elizabeth Hodder<br />

75 When there is no legal aid, look for<br />

no-nonsense straight talking<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Editor's Notes<br />

About The<br />

Editor<br />

Min Grob started<br />

Conference on Coercive<br />

Control in June 2015,<br />

following a relationship that<br />

was coercive and<br />

controlling.<br />

Since then, there have been<br />

three national conferences,<br />

various speaker<br />

engagements and a<br />

newsletter which has now<br />

developed into an online<br />

magazine.<br />

2018 will see the start of<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Groups<br />

starting in East Anglia<br />

before rolling out<br />

nationwide with the next<br />

Conference on Coercive<br />

Control planned for the 1st<br />

week in June at the<br />

University of<br />

Gloucestershire.<br />

Min is particularly<br />

interested in looking at<br />

perpetrator tactics and how<br />

they can be identified and<br />

has spoken on how to<br />

differentiate between<br />

strident discourse and<br />

deliberate baiting and<br />

goading using examples<br />

from social media to<br />

illustrate the various tactics<br />

aimed at provoking a<br />

response and how it is<br />

concealed. Min hopes to<br />

enable a better<br />

understanding of abuse that<br />

resides below the radar to<br />

be able to identify nearer<br />

inception.<br />

To get in touch:<br />

contact@<br />

coercivcecontrol.co.uk<br />

Let's Start The<br />

Conversation!<br />

Welcome to the 3rd (and biggest!) edition of<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong><br />

(all almost 80 pages of it)<br />

Its been a busy month. Not least because the numbers of people getting in<br />

touch are rapidly rising and time seems to be passing by faster. I daren't<br />

blink in case I miss 6 months!<br />

The biggest topic of interest for readers seems to be the subject of so-called<br />

advocates ( SCAs) . I have had numerous disclosures ranging from bad<br />

practice and non-victim-centric thinking, to reports of harassment and<br />

intimidation and subverting information.<br />

Many of you will have noticed the late publication of <strong>CCChat</strong>. This was due<br />

to the need to seek legal clarification and advice from the ICO - The<br />

Information Commissioner's Office- on a vexatious complaint. This is explored<br />

more fully in the article on 'Mobbing'.<br />

I was pleased to be able to volunteer for Leeway at CAMRA's 40th Norwich<br />

Beer Festival. Leeway was appointed the Beer Festival's charity of the year<br />

money raised during the 6 day event was a whopping £7,070. Amongst<br />

other events I have attended, there was a presentation by DAHA to<br />

Cambridgeshire Domestic Violence Forum, and a discussion group on parental<br />

alienation at Westminster by the Family Law Panel.<br />

Whilst in Cambridge I met with PhD researcher Sophia Cooke who had<br />

recently left an abusive relationship to find the courts could not identify the<br />

abuse.<br />

Next month, is the Christmas edition where incidents of abuse will rise as a<br />

result of family tension and alcohol, among other factors. CChat will be<br />

looking at housing with an interview with Shelter CEO Polly Neate as well<br />

as looking at the easy way accusations of stalking, harasment and coercive<br />

control are made. We will be interviwing and talking about the research Dr<br />

Emma Bond. as well as delving into topics that are invisible in plain sight.<br />

Christmas may still be some time away but <strong>CCChat</strong> is more than just tinsel!!<br />

See you next month.<br />

Min<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible




Operation Encompass is an<br />

initiative created by husband<br />

and wife team, headteacher<br />

Elisabeth Carney-Haworth and<br />

retired police sargeant , David<br />

Carney-Haworth .<br />

Operation Encompass was<br />

launched in Plymouth in 2011<br />

to address and identify<br />

shortcoming in how<br />

information was being shared<br />

with schools regarding<br />

children living with domestic<br />

abuse.<br />

The concept of Operation<br />

Encompass was both simple<br />

yet revolutionary: If a domestic<br />

incident occurred on the<br />

previous evening with a child<br />

was in the house, the police<br />

would contact the nominated<br />

Key Adult at the child's school<br />

prior to the start of the school<br />

day.<br />

Appropriate support would be<br />

in place for that child. This<br />

support could be overt or<br />

silent dependent upon the<br />

circumstances.<br />

It was such a simple concept<br />

but it had a huge impact.<br />

Having the knowledge that a<br />

child had experienced<br />

domestic abuse, allows the<br />

school to put support for the<br />

child in place.<br />

The Operation Encompass<br />

website contains support<br />

materials and anecdotal<br />

evidence of the success of<br />

Operation Encompass.<br />

O<br />

peration<br />

Encompass is a Police and<br />

Education early intervention safeguarding<br />

partnership that ensures that when the<br />

police have attended at a home where a<br />

child or young person is exposed to<br />

domestic abuse.<br />

A nominated Key Adult will be notified of an incident prior to<br />

the start of the next school day.<br />

So far Operation Encompass has been embraced in 21 police<br />

forces with the force wide rollout in Devon and Cornwall in<br />

December 2017.<br />

In May 2016, Dame Vera Baird QC, Northumbria Police Crime<br />

Commissioner reported on live television that her force had<br />

supported over 1500 children in a 6-month period.<br />

In Norfolk, police implemented Operation Encompass in<br />

January 2017 as a direct result of the recommendations of a<br />

Serious Case Review.<br />

Domestic abuse is identified as an ACE ( Adverse Childhood<br />

Experience) and for children an 86% predictor of having four or<br />

more ACE’s.<br />

Research shows that the more ACEs you have the greater the<br />

negative impact upon physical, emotional and mental health<br />

and the more likely to take part in risk taking behaviours which<br />

people into contact with the police.<br />

With 4+ ACEs you are:<br />

2x more likely to binge drink<br />

5x more likely to have had sex whilst under 16<br />

5x use of illicit drugs<br />

7 x more likely to have been involved in violence in last year<br />

7x addicted to alcohol<br />

11x more likely to have used crack/ heroin or been incarcerated<br />

12x more likely to have attempted suicide<br />

“ It’s so important that we give vulnerable young<br />

people across South Tyneside a voice and Operation<br />

Encompass is about doing just that, offering early<br />

intervention and support when children need it most.”<br />

Dame Vera Baird<br />

http://www.operationencompass.org<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

In the HMIC report ‘Increasingly<br />

everyone’s business, a progress report on<br />

Domestic Violence’: ‘It was described by<br />

partners in education as the best thing<br />

the police have given to education’<br />

In September 2017 the South West<br />

Director for HMI Ofsted, Bradley<br />

Simmons, said on a live BBC programme;<br />

“One of the things that we found is there<br />

isn’t really a focus on the needs of<br />

children who do witness such violence<br />

and they can arrive at school traumatised.<br />

They often present as quite difficult<br />

young people because of what's going on<br />

at home but actually Operation<br />

Encompass is doing exactly the right<br />

thing. There’s joint agency working so the<br />

school knows at once when a child has<br />

witnessed domestic abuse and is able to<br />

make provisions.’<br />

Photo: Elizabeth Carney-Haworth<br />

A review of Operation Encompass in<br />

Knowsley found that ‘Overwhelmingly,<br />

the majority of both the incidents and<br />

the children and young people<br />

involved were defined as Bronze or<br />

Silver cases.<br />

This is an interesting point given that<br />

prior to the implementation of<br />

Operation Encompass, schools would<br />

not have been made aware of these<br />

cases at all. Gold cases would have<br />

been reported to schools as part of the<br />

MARAC arrangements.’<br />

In December 2016 the College of<br />

Policing wrote: ‘The college is acutely<br />

aware of Operation Encompass and<br />

has circulated details widely as good<br />

practice as part of our response to the<br />

recommendations in HMIC reviews<br />

into force responses to Domestic<br />

Abuse’<br />

A case before Operation Encompass<br />

A Year Six child was predicted to achieve<br />

Level 4 in her Standard Assessment Tests<br />

(SATs) the average attainment for an 11yr<br />

old.<br />

The child only achieved Level 2 and 3<br />

(Level 2 equates to the attainment of an<br />

average 7yrs old and Level 3 equates to<br />

the attainment of an average 9yrs old).<br />

The school could see no reason why the<br />

child had performed so badly. In July of<br />

that year, some two months later the<br />

school received details that showed that<br />

the weekend prior the SATs there had<br />

been a domestic abuse incident in the<br />

child’s household.<br />

The school felt that this incident of<br />

domestic abuse had had a detrimental<br />

impact on the child’s emotional health<br />

and wellbeing and her therefore upon her<br />

ability to succeed in the SATs.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

A Case After Operation Encompass<br />

In a case where Operation Encompass was<br />

operating (Shown on live BBC television) a<br />

mother suffering domestic abuse stated that<br />

her 5 year old son had begun to imitate her<br />

partner’s violent behaviour, the child began<br />

spitting, swearing and hitting her.<br />

Once the child’s school became aware of the<br />

domestic abuse incidents through Operation<br />

Encompass immediate support was given<br />

and the child’s behaviour changed. This<br />

change was credited directly to Operation<br />

Encompass by the mother.<br />

What do we want from the<br />

government?<br />

That children and young people exposed to<br />

Domestic Abuse are recognised as victims in<br />

their own right.<br />

That the principles of Operation Encompass<br />

i.e. the timely sharing of information with<br />

schools prior to the start of the next school<br />

day when a child has been exposed to<br />

Domestic Abuse, becomes a statutory<br />

requirement for all police forces.<br />

That all police forces have a statutory<br />

requirement to record the numbers of<br />

children exposed to Domestic Abuse.<br />

That the police are given powers to protect<br />

the victims of Domestic Abuse as Domestic<br />

Abuse is currently not an offence in itself and<br />

any officer’s powers are limited to trying to<br />

find some other offence for example; assault,<br />

criminal damage or public order.<br />

That all schools undertake mandatory<br />

training to develop knowledge and<br />

understanding of the impact of Domestic<br />

Abuse of children and young people and how<br />

best to support these children.<br />

Photo:Sergeant David Carney-Haworth<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Lisa Aronson-Fontes,PhD<br />

is a psychology researcher at the<br />

University of Massachusetts<br />

Amherst and author of "Invisible<br />

Chains: Overcoming Coercive<br />

Control in Your Intimate<br />

Relationship,"<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Perspecticide<br />

“Manipulative people brainwash their partners using<br />

something called 'perspecticide' : Lisa Aronson-Fontes PhD<br />

What is Perspecticide?<br />

It occurs when an abusive<br />

partner has made somone believe<br />

things that aren't true.<br />

Eventually, they no longer know<br />

what is real.<br />

Living with an abusive and controlling<br />

partner can feel like living in a<br />

cult—except lonelier. Victims' own<br />

viewpoints, desires, and opinions may<br />

fade as they are overwhelmed by the<br />

abusers.<br />

Over time, they may lose a sense that<br />

they even have a right to their own<br />

perspectives. This is called<br />

perspecticide—the abuse-related<br />

incapacity to know what you know<br />

(Stark, 2007).<br />

Perspecticide is often part of a strategy<br />

of coercive control that may include<br />

manipulation, stalking, and physical<br />

abuse.<br />

Abusers make their partners<br />

narrow their worlds. Once<br />

isolated, it is easy to lose one's<br />

sense of self.<br />

Doug insisted that Val watch him play<br />

video games rather than doing what<br />

she wanted. He demanded that he be<br />

the centre of her attention at all times.<br />

Gradually she accepted this as an<br />

obligation.<br />

Corey’s husband only “allowed” her to<br />

socialize along with him, with other<br />

couples. He did not permit her to leave<br />

the house without him, even to shop<br />

for food.<br />

Whenever TeyShawn tried speaking on<br />

the phone or seeing friends or family,<br />

his boyfriend, Angelo, grew angry with<br />

him.<br />

After a while TeyShawn severely<br />

curtailed his social life; It just wasn’t<br />

worth the hassle.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Abusers insist on controlling minute<br />

aspects of their partners' lives.<br />

Over time, victims internalize the rules and<br />

forget what life was like when they were freer<br />

to make their own choices.<br />

Herman drew up an extensive chores chart<br />

and insisted that Marta keep a detailed log of<br />

her activities.<br />

Ken gave his partner, Steve, a list of<br />

expectations for his diet, workout routine,<br />

and grooming, and implied that their<br />

relationship would be over if he did not<br />

comply.<br />

Darnell expected Sara to dress modestly<br />

when outside the home but insisted that she<br />

dress sexily when they were alone together.<br />

He told her to stop speaking to the cat,<br />

reading magazines, or sleeping on her back.<br />

He chose her makeup, dictated her bedtime,<br />

and weighed her daily. He meticulously<br />

controlled the way their house was<br />

organized, down to how towels were folded<br />

and food stored on the shelves. To avoid<br />

explosive conflict, Sara followed Darnell's<br />

demands and began to see them as "normal."<br />

Abusers make their partners feel badly<br />

about themselves.<br />

Because they are isolated, people victimized<br />

by perspecticide begin to believe the negative<br />

descriptions of themselves and lose selfesteem.<br />

Imani’s husband told her repeatedly<br />

that she was a gloomy, depressed person by<br />

nature. He told her that she was selfish to ask<br />

for changes in their marriage since she would<br />

never be happy anyway. Over time, she<br />

stopped asking.<br />

Lori’s boyfriend told her she was oversexed<br />

and that he needed to keep an eye on her or<br />

she’d be out of control. He had sex with her<br />

at least once on most days, which was more<br />

than she wanted, but he told her it was what<br />

he needed to do to keep her “honest.” Over<br />

time, she stopped protesting the way he<br />

monitored and forced himself on her. She<br />

accepted the idea that the sex was “for her<br />

own good.”<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Abusive partners create the expectations. The<br />

abuser demands certain acts as proof of love<br />

and over time, the person being victimized<br />

gives in.<br />

Kelly’s husband insisted that they share a<br />

toothbrush and that they use the same water<br />

or wine glass at all meals.<br />

He couldn’t seem to tolerate her having<br />

anything that was hers alone. Kelly dreamed<br />

of being able to close the door when she<br />

showered but her husband wanted to be able<br />

to see her at all times.<br />

Clarice’s husband, Dre, did not have a job<br />

for the first decade of their marriage.<br />

Clarice worked long days and when she<br />

returned home he berated her for<br />

“choosing work over family.”<br />

In front of the children, he defined her as<br />

cold, unloving, and nonmaternal.<br />

Lily pushed her boyfriend to share all his<br />

social media and email passwords and when<br />

he refused, she secretly installed a keystroke<br />

logger so she could access them against his<br />

will. When he found out and confronted her,<br />

she replied, “Loving couples keep no secrets.”<br />

He gave up on the idea of Internet privacy.<br />

Karen told Carmen that she should never say<br />

“no” to her; pleasing her should be her<br />

Number One and only priority. Carmen tried<br />

hard to follow this rule, and grew ashamed<br />

when she had longings of her own.<br />

"In an abusive or controlling relationship, over time the<br />

dominating partner changes how the victim thinks,"<br />

Lisa Aronson-Fontes, PhD<br />

Clarice constantly felt obliged to prove<br />

that she was a good mother.<br />

The children joined their father in<br />

blaming Clarice for “not being around<br />

much,” as if she was making a deliberate<br />

choice to be out of the home for long<br />

stretches.<br />

In the evening, sometimes Dre would take<br />

away Clarice’s phone, saying, “Now you’re<br />

going to have to pay attention to us.”<br />

People subjected to perspecticide often blame<br />

themselves, as they feel despairing and<br />

disoriented.<br />

It can be hard for them to figure out exactly what’s<br />

wrong. Controlling partners serve as a filter for<br />

the outside world, gradually forcing their victims<br />

to lose the support of family, friends, and<br />

coworkers.<br />

Isolated and controlled in this way, victims lose<br />

self-esteem and have trouble remembering what<br />

they once thought, felt, and believed.<br />

For more on Lisa Aronson -Fontes, PhD,<br />

visit her website at www.lisafontes.com<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

WHEN THE<br />


WRONG<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible


Sophia's story<br />

I<br />

was<br />

referred to Sophia Cooke, by a professional in the domestic<br />

abuse sector, a few weeks ago. I had been told that a young woman<br />

had recently come out of a very emotionally abusive relationship<br />

and he had sold his story to the papers. I was asked if I could<br />

support.<br />

'it is beyond unspeakably evil,<br />

what it actually is'.<br />

I took some time getting to know Sophia, getting to hear her story. It was clearly apparent<br />

that she had been through an extremely distressing time and I was sadly all too aware of<br />

how her version of events would not come across as credible as his. He had made her<br />

believe she was to blame. How can you explain something, when you are still trying to<br />

make sense of it yourself? This is something I come across q frequently. A victim is<br />

disorientated, confused, perplexed as they come to terms with the reality of their<br />

relationship. Many do not see themselves as the victim, so conditioned are they to believe<br />

they are the perpetrator and they have to relive the whole relationship , looking at it<br />

through different eyes.When we met, I listened to an audio recording of the couple.Sophia<br />

had recorded it, to evidence the abuse. It made my blood run cold, with the insidious way<br />

he manipulated her , blaming all of his abuse on her.<br />

I asked if I could use the recording as a training resource as I felt it was an extremely<br />

powerful aid looking at the insidiousness of emotional and psychological abuse. But there<br />

were silent gaps, bits of the conversation which I felt would detract from the learning<br />

opportunity and mention of his name. I asked Sophia if she could edit the recording. What<br />

then followed was a change of heart. Emboldened by my response and that of others in the<br />

abuse sector, combined with a desire to create better awareness and help others to not end<br />

up in the situation Sophia had recently been in, led to the recording being released on<br />

Twitter. This was shortly accompanied the release of Sophia's blog - a cathartic outlet for<br />

her -to give the recording context.<br />

Unsurprisingly, he was quick to contact the papers who quoted him as saying: 'it is beyond<br />

unspeakably evil, what it actually is' Sophia was understandably nervous of the reaction to<br />

her blog, so, over the weekend, I interviewed her about why she had felt compelled to<br />

release it.<br />

The interview follows this article but, before you read it, it makes sense to listen to the<br />

recording first, which is Post 7 on the blog.<br />

Sophia's blog can be found at: https://victimscanbestrong.com<br />

Please cut and paste the link into your browser.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

The Interview<br />

Sophia Cooke<br />

survivor<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

What made you write the blog?<br />

I began writing about the relationship on the<br />

advice of a counsellor I started seeing after<br />

my former partner was arrested. Up until<br />

this point I had been struggling to<br />

understand everything that had happened<br />

and blaming myself for things going wrong.<br />

However, as I wrote, things began to make<br />

more sense. I began to see the patterns in<br />

both his and my behaviour and come to<br />

terms with the idea that I had not been to<br />

blame for his violence.<br />

The more I wrote, the more I understood. As<br />

a result, I started to feel my sense of who I<br />

was return, the cloud of confusion lift, and<br />

little by little I was able to recognise that I<br />

had not deserved any of it. I then launched<br />

my blog.<br />

I wanted to put the topic of domestic abuse<br />

more prominently on the map and to educate<br />

people on how it developed and what the<br />

warning signs were.<br />

If I had been able to recognise what my<br />

former partner was doing early on, perhaps<br />

none of this would have happened to me.<br />

After the trial and subsequent media<br />

coverage, I felt an even greater need to speak<br />

out. After taking some time to build my<br />

strength back up again, I finalised the writing<br />

I had already done and launched my blog.<br />

I decided to release the voice recording along<br />

with it because it so clearly demonstrates the<br />

emotional abuse I am trying to raise<br />

awareness of. I also played it to a few people<br />

in the domestic abuse sector who thought it<br />

would be an important educational tool.<br />

“The more I wrote, the more I understood.”<br />

I decided to release the voice recording along<br />

with it because it so clearly demonstrates the<br />

emotional abuse I am trying to raise<br />

awareness of. I also played it to a few people<br />

in the domestic abuse sector who thought it<br />

would be an important educational tool.<br />

Why did you decide to release the blog<br />

and the voice recording?<br />

As what had happened to me became more<br />

widely known, a large number of people<br />

started to confide in me that they had also<br />

gone through abusive relationships. I<br />

discovered it to be far more common than I<br />

had thought, yet it seemed to be hardly<br />

talked about in the public sphere.<br />

It really struck me how limited the<br />

understanding of domestic abuse of most<br />

people who had not been through it was. I<br />

therefore decided that I wanted to speak out<br />

about my experiences once the court case<br />

was over.<br />

What has the reaction been to the<br />

blog and the recording?<br />

The reaction has been overwhelmingly<br />

positive. I have had a huge number of<br />

messages from others who have suffered<br />

domestic abuse to say that reading my<br />

blog has really helped them. They have<br />

said it has enabled them to understand<br />

better what they went through and to let<br />

go of any feelings of self-blame.<br />

A few have even told me that reading the<br />

blog has given them the strength to cut<br />

their abusive ex-partners completely from<br />

their lives which is fantastic.<br />

In addition I have had enormous support<br />

from many who have not suffered abuse,<br />

but feel they now understand much more<br />

about it.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Responses to the recording have been<br />

mainly of shock and several people have<br />

said it reduced them to tears.<br />

A number of domestic abuse experts have<br />

said that the emotional manipulation<br />

shown by my former partner, is<br />

absolutely textbook and, sadly, a large<br />

number of other victims have commented<br />

on how much it reminds them of the way<br />

they have been treated previously.<br />

I do feel embarrassed knowing that so<br />

many people are listening to it as I was<br />

clearly at my lowest ebb at the time, but I<br />

am very glad it is helping to educate<br />

others.<br />

And what next?<br />

Having finally been able to speak about<br />

what I have been going through in the last<br />

two years,<br />

I feel better able to move forward with my<br />

life and my PhD.<br />

I am still working to get the PTSD<br />

symptoms under control but I am doing<br />

much better than I was.<br />

I am in a happy, healthy relationship now<br />

which has been further helping me to<br />

rebuild my confidence.<br />

I still feel strongly about continuing to<br />

raise awareness of domestic abuse and I<br />

have already been asked to give speak at<br />

several events.<br />

Sophia's blog can be found at:<br />

https://victimscanbestrong.com<br />

Please cut and paste the link into<br />

your browser. ks at different<br />

institutions.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

I am a Survivor<br />

I am also High Funtioning<br />

Nancy's story<br />

I<br />

t’s<br />

challenging being a highly functioning survivor. Over decades<br />

we’ve had to self learn our own coping strategies in order to<br />

function in public, within family dynamics, with our children and<br />

most importantly the workplace, for fear of arousing judgement<br />

and discrimination.<br />

“ DVA survivor professionals have also honed their own individual<br />

detachment techniques, specifically in learning not to be triggered<br />

and most importantly in not trigger others”<br />

Highly functioning survivors and DVA survivor professionals have also honed their own individual<br />

detachment techniques, specifically in learning not to be triggered and most importantly in not<br />

trigger others<br />

The skills in maintaining a mask in order to function highly, is paramount to a professional<br />

survivor’s job or career, because sometimes it’s the job or career that’s needed in order to thrive.<br />

Some of us manage to balance the status of single working mother/survivor successfully, until our<br />

children leave home.<br />

Some of us who have experienced childhood and repeat domestic sexual violence and abuse may<br />

struggle with a myriad of mental health issues, tried and tested and failed coping mechanisms and<br />

the ramifications of having to fight a misdiagnosis, whilst repeatedly disclosing their issues together<br />

with their experiences to too many agencies, and not always with positive outcomes.<br />

Some survivors also struggle with the lack of post DSVA specialist family support and individualised<br />

therapeutic services, due to lack of Government cuts and sustainable funding. So, life after domestic<br />

abuse should be good for at least the highly functioning survivor, yes?<br />

Well no. You see, as a survivor who has had a career in domestic abuse from bottom to top approach,<br />

I had taken time out of work after repeat domestic abuse, sexual violence, stalking and harassment<br />

experiences. After the first occasion, I needed to take two years out of my life and my career to heal.<br />

t was at this point - some decades earlier - that I became acutely aware of the discrimination<br />

experienced by survivors of VAW, with the media taking the helm in victim blaming and the<br />

normalisation of abuse of women at home, socially or in the workplace. Now, over two decades later,<br />

I’m seeing a return to work after nine years.<br />

Being in this situation for any survivor of low-to-no financial means, - after moving from Refuge to<br />

several self-funded moves and a change in vehicle, etc - means an existence on welfare and the<br />

growing realisation of the fact that as a survivor, like those before me, we are faced with necessary<br />

and constant battles with Statutory, Health and Welfare Services and as post DSVA survivors, we<br />

face these systems alone.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Over the decades, the economic loss to<br />

myself, whilst raising my family has been<br />

crippling. Yet my ex husband, the father of<br />

my child contributed just fifteen pounds in<br />

eighteen years of his son’s life, due to failures<br />

in the Child Support Agency in the handling<br />

of my case. Essentially, this is the reality and<br />

cost of decades of repeat Police failures in<br />

bringing the perpetrators to justice.<br />

However, having adopted a mask of<br />

resilience, I knew that when I was ready I<br />

would offer my expertise, once again, in a<br />

voluntary capacity. After all, I had financially<br />

just about kept up-to speed by self funding<br />

my Continued Professional Development,<br />

attending poignant seminars, conferences<br />

and launches.<br />

I was focused on obtaining a masters in the<br />

dynamics of domestic violence and abuse.<br />

During my time out I had maintained a<br />

hands-on approach by actively engaging in<br />

awareness raising on Domestic Abuse and<br />

Stalking on Social Media, providing<br />

signposting for victims and survivors, and<br />

updating professionals and activists on key<br />

training needs and national campaigns from<br />

key national players.<br />

I also offer pro bono case work in the<br />

community for senior vulnerable adults,<br />

some with learning difficulties and<br />

disabilities, which have all led to positive<br />

outcomes for a variety of welfare, housing<br />

and health issues.<br />

I felt that my previous experiences in the<br />

domestic abuse sector would be of credit,<br />

especially since the countywide project I had<br />

set-up had gained Statutory, Home Office<br />

and European funding.<br />

“I felt that my previous experiences in the domestic abuse<br />

sector would be of credit,<br />

”<br />

It was at this point - some decades earlier - that I<br />

became acutely aware of the discrimination<br />

experienced by survivors of VAW, with the media<br />

taking the helm in victim blaming and the<br />

normalisation of abuse of women at home,<br />

socially or in the workplace.<br />

Now, over two decades later, I’m seeing a return<br />

to work after nine years. Being in this situation for<br />

any survivor of low-to-no financial means, - after<br />

moving from Refuge to several self-funded moves<br />

and a change in vehicle, etc - means an existence<br />

on welfare and the growing realisation of the fact<br />

that as a survivor, like those before me, we are<br />

faced with necessary and constant battles with<br />

Statutory, Health and Welfare Services and as<br />

post DSVA survivors, we face these systems alone.<br />

This meant going without luxuries such as winter<br />

heating and the pre requisite three meals a day.<br />

But such was my determination and passion in<br />

regaining my career within the DV Sector, I felt it<br />

was a small sacrifice to make. However, due to the<br />

bedroom tax, after two years, I could no longer<br />

afford to continue.<br />

Further, that the success of my work was<br />

undertaken with the mental health issues that I<br />

currently have.<br />

Ironically, in a work environment, it is my mental<br />

health that I have to attribute to my drive and<br />

resilience and the success of that project. I needed<br />

to get back to work in the DSVA Sector - it literally<br />

compounds issues for me in not doing so. So when<br />

the time came I felt quietly confident, but<br />

apprehensive. I applied for a voluntary frontline<br />

worker position for a sexual assault centre. I was<br />

advised to dumb down the application and apply.<br />

I was delighted to receive by return an<br />

opportunity to attend an open day event, so that<br />

the organisation could discuss their role and that<br />

of the position, enabling candidates to make an<br />

informed decision as to whether the job was<br />

suitable for them.<br />

Delighted by the service and the job spec, I<br />

returned their application form and received an<br />

interview immediately. To my surprise the<br />

interviewed was conducted solely by the Volunteer<br />

Co-ordinator.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

In disbelief and feeling insult to injury,<br />

I pulled random skills out of my bag<br />

and asked if I could be taken on as a<br />

volunteer to undertake administration<br />

or to assist with office admin, bid<br />

writing and fund raising.<br />

The response came back the same. I<br />

asked if she would like to see my CV,<br />

but curtly she stated ‘it would<br />

discriminate against the other<br />

candidates’.<br />

But, I felt that I was the one who was<br />

just discriminated against and judged<br />

without any meaningful discussion on<br />

the ‘spectrum’ of my issue.<br />

I found the VC to be professionally<br />

detached in her approach and remarkably<br />

the questions too limiting given the<br />

responsibility of the role. I felt I had<br />

answered the questions well, without over<br />

emphasising my personal or professional<br />

experiences.<br />

I felt happier than I had felt in decades,<br />

until she said, ‘I understand from one of<br />

your tweets on Social Media, that you<br />

suffer from ‘Post Traumatic Stress<br />

Disorder’.<br />

I knew that this was not true and that she<br />

had googled my name and had come<br />

across two articles dating back to 2014, in<br />

which I appeared discussing domestic<br />

abuse and the various Government cuts<br />

having a direct impact on survivors lives<br />

and that of their children, their health<br />

and wellbeing.<br />

She then told me that I wouldn’t be able<br />

to work for the organisation for at least a<br />

year. I asked her if we could discuss my<br />

mental health as she had raised the issue,<br />

but I was met by her reiterating and<br />

hiding behind a rigid and inflexible<br />

organisational policy.<br />

I felt that she was not in a position to<br />

have made that decision alone,<br />

especially since she had not displayed<br />

an understanding of mental health let<br />

alone PTSD and therefore I felt she<br />

alone was not qualified to have made<br />

that decision.<br />

If she had asked, I would have<br />

explained that PTSD like any other<br />

MH issues is on a spectrum, and that I<br />

have situational PTSD, which is exactly<br />

that - situational - and as I had already<br />

moved for the second time, my MH<br />

should not be an issue.<br />

I would have told her that ‘yes, I’m a<br />

highly functioning survivor and DV<br />

professional. I do not trigger, I do not<br />

trigger others and therefore, my being<br />

in post is not a safeguarding issue.<br />

I screamed inwardly and silently to<br />

myself ‘do you really think my<br />

professional integrity - the only thing I<br />

have left - would allow me to apply for<br />

a position, that I knowingly was not<br />

ready for, to put others lives in danger?<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Utterly floored, I fell silent. I thanked her<br />

for her time and left.<br />

This is my reality and I’m sure it’s a<br />

similar situation for most survivors<br />

returning to the workplace after long<br />

term unemployment, and worse still for<br />

vulnerable women leaving prison system.<br />

It’s a constant struggle maintaining<br />

resilience against constant<br />

discrimination, victim blaming,<br />

revictimising and re traumatising attitude<br />

When it’s the very professionals and<br />

organisations that are there to empower<br />

women that we repeatedly experience this<br />

from?<br />

If the Government doesn’t address the<br />

need for sustainable funding for<br />

specialist victim and survivor Mental<br />

Health services training, the cycle of<br />

victim blaming, re victimising and re<br />

traumatising will continue,<br />

compounding the survivors ability to<br />

emotionally, physically, and financially<br />

thrive.<br />

Government cuts to VAW Services is<br />

clearly unsound economic practice, for<br />

survivors and the UK economy.<br />

“ I’m a highly functioning survivor and DV professional. I<br />

do not trigger, I do not trigger others and therefore, my<br />

being in post is not a safeguarding issue.”<br />

Without sustainable funding how can<br />

we dispel the systemic fear around<br />

mental health?<br />

How can we address the training needs<br />

of all Domestic Sexual Violence and<br />

Abuse workers on the spectrums of<br />

Mental Health and trauma to an<br />

accredited level?<br />

How can we address the training needs<br />

of Health and Welfare professionals in<br />

the dynamics of domestic violence and<br />

abuse, the impact and trauma to an<br />

accredited level?<br />

Discrimination against mental health is<br />

covered in the disabilities act, yet as<br />

recenty as this September, research in<br />

Independent, highlighted that disabled<br />

people have to apply for 60% more jobs<br />

than non-disabled people before finding<br />

one.<br />

There is a serious need for the UK to<br />

adopt the Council of Europe’s Disability<br />

Strategy on Human Rights which<br />

addresses discrimination.<br />

A reality for all, which aims to achieve<br />

equality, dignity and equal opportunities<br />

for people with mental health, disabilities<br />

and difficulties.<br />

Link: http://www.independent.co.uk/<br />

news/uk/home-news/disabled-people-j<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible



<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Jessica Eaton<br />



I<br />

am<br />

interviewing Jessica Eaton, a doctoral researcher,<br />

writer and national speaker on sexual violence and victim<br />

blaming who has been campaigning against the use of<br />

CSE films for children. Jessica is also the founder of the<br />

Eaton Foundation, a registered charity specialising in<br />

holistic, longitudinal support for men.<br />

Many of us aren't familiar with the resources being used to address<br />

Child Sexual Exploitation. You have been very vocal on the harms some<br />

of these can cause. Could you explain some more?<br />

From what I understand, employees of MESMAC are not huge fans of my blog and<br />

my opinions about the way the field of CSE has employed techniques and<br />

approaches with no evidence base and this was used as an excuse for cyberstalking<br />

for a period of over 8 weeks.<br />

I don’t know any of them and they don’t know me. I do not follow the work of<br />

MESMAC, Blast or Basis but it became apparent that one employee of MESMAC<br />

was using four accounts to stalk me, watch my posts and to comment on things I did<br />

and said in real-time. Generally, the posts were trying to discredit my work and my<br />

writing – especially where I was arguing against the use of CSE resources with<br />

children who have been abused and exploited.<br />

My core argument had nothing to do with those organisations – I was arguing that<br />

films containing sexual violence against children, drugs, abuse and grooming should<br />

not be shown to victims of abuse because they will retraumatise them. Pretty basic<br />

really.The blogs were read thousands of times and I received hundreds of emails<br />

and phone calls from professionals who felt the same way. However, the employee<br />

of MESMAC had already at this point used lines from my blog and my own social<br />

media to attempt to discredit me and argue that I didn’t know what I was talking<br />

about.<br />

The issue here is that everyone is free to disagree with me and to provide evidence<br />

to the contrary but no one should use that disagreement to target a professional<br />

online. After three weeks of the behaviour, I blocked him on all four accounts over<br />

two platforms – two of those accounts were owned and should have been managed<br />

properly by MESMAC but they failed to do so, leaving him able to use them to stalk<br />

me and put up passive aggressive comments about my work for 8 weeks before<br />

anyone noticed. Two of the accounts were his professional accounts. Two were on<br />

Facebook and two were on Twitter.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

He simultaneously used all of them to<br />

post about my work and my thoughts –<br />

and to watch everything I was saying<br />

in real time.<br />

After 8 weeks, I submitted a cease and<br />

desist letter which was responded to<br />

with arrogance and a complete denial<br />

of any wrong doing. The reply even<br />

argued that they would not be looking<br />

into it because I had no evidence.<br />

However, I had 22 pages of evidence<br />

and had logged over 280 posts in 8<br />

weeks from the four accounts so I<br />

decided to log a formal complaint<br />

against the employee.<br />

I submitted the 22 pages of evidence<br />

and eventually got a phone call from<br />

the person ‘investigating’ the employee<br />

to say that the employee had admitted<br />

watching me and posting about me,<br />

that he was angry about what was<br />

being talked about (CSE films being<br />

unethical).<br />

He also told his employer that other<br />

employees and professionals were<br />

involve and he didn’t act alone.<br />

Once I had blocked his accounts, he<br />

enlisted others to help him. He also<br />

told his employer that he used my<br />

twitter feed on my website to watch me<br />

after he realised he was blocked.<br />

“I had 22 pages of evidence and had logged<br />

over 280 posts in 8 weeks.”<br />

The complaint was eventually accepted<br />

but only after a number of difficult<br />

conversations with MESMAC staff.<br />

The CEO refusing to investigate<br />

himself because he was compromised<br />

in the first email which said I had no<br />

evidence and copied him in.<br />

I was repeatedly told that I couldn’t<br />

prove the employee was watching me,<br />

even before they had seen the<br />

evidence.<br />

During this process, I was sent the<br />

workers conduct policy which<br />

contained the clauses allowing sex,<br />

personal relationships and exchange of<br />

personal details with clients.<br />

I sent it to a group of experts in the<br />

field and asked for their advice.<br />

I sent it to the LSCB and reported the<br />

policy as unethical – especially in the<br />

light of their behaviour I was<br />

experiencing from the employees.<br />

It was clear to me that the organisation<br />

were preparing to protect the<br />

employee right from the beginning.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Why do you think they have reacted<br />

in the way they have?<br />

Well they were already not a big fan of me<br />

so this won’t have helped much. However,<br />

I have been surprised by the shifting of<br />

blame to the whistleblower.<br />

It strikes me as quite telling that a charity<br />

that has not only got a policy of having<br />

sex with clients, but also with a culture<br />

that allowed employees to monitor and<br />

berate an academic online would also<br />

then berate someone who whistle blew on<br />

the organisation and instead makes<br />

comments that this is malicious or mud<br />

slinging.<br />

Why should I keep quiet about this?<br />

What damages our sector is dangerous<br />

and unethical policies like this – not<br />

the people who speak out.<br />

This field is so contradictory.<br />

It wants people to speak up and speak<br />

out about bad practice and cover ups<br />

but when they do they are vilified.<br />

And then people sit back and ask why<br />

professionals don’t report bad<br />

practice?<br />

I didn’t write the policy.<br />

“ What damages our sector is dangerous and unethical<br />

policies like this – not the people who speak out. ”<br />

Safeguarding is apparently at the heart of<br />

what they do in their jobs, except for<br />

when one of their own is on the wrong<br />

side of it and then, of course, it is<br />

someone else's fault.<br />

I have noticed on Twitter that there<br />

are some claiming that this<br />

amounts to airing of dirty laundry<br />

and damages the charity sector.<br />

How would you respond to that?<br />

This is really the most disappointing<br />

response out of all of them. This is how<br />

victims and whistleblowers in the field of<br />

child abuse get silenced again and again.<br />

Why should the professional reputation<br />

of the charity come above the safety of the<br />

clients?<br />

It’s a good job I value the rights and<br />

wellbeing of clients above my own<br />

professional reputation otherwise this<br />

never would have been discussed.<br />

In your opinion, how should they<br />

have reacted?<br />

They should have agreed that the<br />

policy is unethical.<br />

There is no other opposing POV unless<br />

they want to out themselves as<br />

professionals who want sex with<br />

clients .<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

'You showed me a CSE film<br />

when I was 13 years old…<br />

this is how it affected me’<br />

M<br />

y<br />

name is Kate, and I recently turned 22 years old.<br />

When I was 13 years old I was shown CSE videos like<br />

the ones detailed in Jessica Eaton’s letter, and I<br />

would like you to know how that did and still does<br />

affect me.<br />

Up until 12 years old I was a very happy child. Then one evening I was walking<br />

home down a quiet side alley when some older boys I recognised stopped me and<br />

offered me money in exchange for sex. They started grabbing at me, and I only<br />

remember flashes of what happened next. After that I would often ‘zone out’ and<br />

lose chunks of time, which is when my school began to notice something wasn’t<br />

right.<br />

It took a lot for me to talk to them but ultimately, nothing happened. Shortly after, I<br />

started getting harassed by other boys at my school. They would follow me, wait<br />

outside my house, throw things at me and touch me in ways I knew they shouldn’t.<br />

At first I reported them to my school, and in some cases they were dealt with, but<br />

over time I stopped. One teacher had called me annoying, and another had asked<br />

out right if I had been raped by ‘a man’, as I was over reacting for it to be anything<br />

else. I felt like I had become ‘a problem’.<br />

I always thought it was a coincidence that I was shown the CSE resources, but<br />

having read about the same thing happening to so many other children I now think<br />

perhaps it wasn’t. Can I tell you what it feels like to sit in a class full of children and<br />

be shown videos depicting the most traumatic experience of your life? It feels like<br />

your heart is going to thump out of your chest and that you will tremble until you<br />

cease to exist.<br />

It feels like the world could collapse in on you and that you could explode all at the<br />

same time. You’re panicking, and you want to scream and cry but you can’t because<br />

then everyone would know what you are. What happened to you. Afterwards you<br />

made me stand up and read a poem to the class about how I could stop it happening<br />

to me, when I knew it already had.<br />

At 13 years old I stood up and recited from your videos how I could have stopped my<br />

own assaults, if only I had thought. Or not walked alone. Or not been so god damn<br />

inviting with my female body. I was so sure everyone in that room would see the<br />

guilt written on my skin. I felt utterly humiliated.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Everyone in the class read their poems, and it<br />

felt like a chorus amplifying my wrongness.<br />

It was a competition. I didn’t win.<br />

Your videos taught me that the thoughts<br />

inside my head were true. That somehow I’d<br />

invited it because of the way I looked or acted<br />

or was.<br />

That the people around me, my friends, my<br />

family and my mum, would be disgusted by<br />

and disappointed in me. That they’d whisper<br />

and point and think about all the ways I<br />

could have prevented it.<br />

If only I had known. If only I had told<br />

someone sooner. All I had to do was realise<br />

what was happening and tell someone.<br />

Sometimes I would lie powerless on my<br />

bed, overwhelmed by the gnawing feeling<br />

that I was worthless because I let it<br />

happen to me.<br />

Sometimes I still do.<br />

Every time I wanted to tell someone<br />

memories of those videos convinced me<br />

otherwise.<br />

It took me 9 years to tell someone after<br />

you. Please stop showing children those<br />

videos.<br />

They hurt more than you can know, and<br />

they stop us asking for the help that we so<br />

desperately need.<br />

“Your videos taught me that the thoughts inside my head were<br />

true. That somehow I’d invited it because of the way I looked or<br />

acted or was. ”<br />

But you see I had realised, and I had told<br />

someone. And those videos were what I got. I<br />

went into that class feeling dirty and<br />

ashamed and left convinced I was right to.<br />

Those videos didn’t make me aware that<br />

what happened to me was wrong. I already<br />

knew that.<br />

Those videos didn’t make the harassment<br />

and assaults stop. If anything, they helped<br />

them continue. So you see, there is no logic<br />

in your CSE videos. And I guess I’ll never<br />

know why you showed me those films.<br />

Maybe you didn’t know what else to do.<br />

Maybe you thought I would find a way to<br />

make sure it didn’t happen again.<br />

If you wanted to shut me up, it worked.<br />

Instead of talking I scratched at my skin,<br />

trying to stop the aching, bursting feeling<br />

inside my chest.<br />

It was your job to make it stop, that<br />

responsibility never should have sat with<br />

me. I needed you to tell me that it wasn’t<br />

my fault, to give me the space to be angry<br />

and in pain but still be safe and protected.<br />

Please stop using those CSE videos.<br />

You’re better than that.<br />

I know you are.<br />

Kate – 12/11/2017<br />

Please share this letter, use it in<br />

training, read it out at conferences,<br />

read it to other professionals, use it<br />

in university modules. We ARE<br />

getting this wrong. We ARE doing<br />

harm. We ARE using untested,<br />

unethical resources with children.<br />

We ARE teaching children to blame<br />

themselves and change their<br />

behaviours after abuse. This has to<br />

end, NOW.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Tips on how to make an<br />

ethical CSE resource<br />

Jessica Eaton<br />

#nomorecsefilms<br />

I have had hundreds of emails from<br />

people who are willing to work<br />

together to support this campaign. The<br />

emails come from regulatory bodies,<br />

government, directors, researchers,<br />

psychologists of all disciplines, trainee<br />

psychologists, lawyers,<br />

psychotherapists and even<br />

professional parents.<br />

One email caught my eye. A<br />

professional contacted me to say that<br />

their organisation makes CSE<br />

resources and had read my letter and<br />

blogs.<br />

She wrote to me for advice about what<br />

they could do to make ethical and<br />

effective CSE resources for children. I<br />

wrote back – and thought that I should<br />

probably share these tips with<br />

everyone.<br />

As it stands, I do not currently support<br />

the use of ANY CSE films in current<br />

circulation. This is because not one single<br />

organisation has put their film and<br />

resource through empirical testing,<br />

psychological oversight, ethical review –<br />

and none can prove that their film works<br />

as an intervention, prevention or support<br />

mechanism.<br />

In fact, when I have challenged those<br />

organisations, I have been told I am being<br />

‘too academic’ and ‘evidence is not<br />

needed’ before using these films with<br />

children. So, this email from the<br />

professional who makes these films was a<br />

brilliant step forward, and I am happy to<br />

share my advice to her:<br />

Do not show sexually violent, graphic or<br />

violent materials to children – ever.<br />

Do not ask children what they could<br />

have done differently (where the answers<br />

are a modification of the child’s behaviour<br />

or actions that would have ‘led’ to not<br />

being abused, which has no evidence base<br />

and is a form of victim blaming)<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Do not show any CSE films to children<br />

who have been abused or traumatised –<br />

or are currently ‘at risk’ or being groomed<br />

for CSE/A .<br />

Any teaching or resources should be<br />

focussed on the actions, decisions or<br />

issues of the sex offender – not the child.<br />

Teach children that people who harm<br />

them do so because they want to, not<br />

because there is anything wrong with<br />

them.<br />

Steer clear of depicting ‘vulnerable’<br />

children – many resources show a child<br />

who is having some sort of ‘problem’<br />

which makes them ‘vulnerable’ to a sex<br />

offender.<br />

Not only this, but we are teaching<br />

children and professionals that the<br />

‘harm’ of abuse comes at the ‘end’ of a<br />

linear grooming process, instead of<br />

teaching them that the entire process<br />

is harmful and manipulative.<br />

Don’t show just one type of sex<br />

offender using one type of method –<br />

think outside of the box. Maybe the<br />

perp could be a woman who is<br />

recruiting girls to a fake modelling<br />

agency?<br />

Maybe she’s super glam and is sexually<br />

attracted to girls? Focus on her<br />

behaviour and actions – her words and<br />

her demeanour.<br />

“Any teaching or resources should be focussed on the actions,<br />

decisions or issues of the sex offender – not the child.”<br />

There is no evidence at present that<br />

vulnerabilities lead to being sexually<br />

exploited – and vulnerabilities are not<br />

a pre-requisite to being sexually<br />

abused.<br />

Also, steer clear of depicting<br />

stereotypical rape victims (white,<br />

female, teenage, socially confident,<br />

parties, hotels, boyfriends, taxis etc) –<br />

it does nothing for our cause and<br />

alienates children who don’t see<br />

themselves in the resource.<br />

Don’t show a linear grooming process<br />

where the perp is nice to them and<br />

makes them think they are in a<br />

relationship and then eventually<br />

harms them – grooming rarely works<br />

like that in real life and we are giving<br />

children a romanticised version of<br />

abuse.<br />

You don’t need to show harm to<br />

children to get your point across.<br />

Maybe the perp is an old disabled man<br />

who tricks children into ‘helping’ him?<br />

(I have based this idea on a real case<br />

from Elliott, 1995).<br />

Maybe the perp is a young, talented<br />

sportsman who uses his fame or talent<br />

to abuse girls around him?<br />

Maybe the perp is a respected English<br />

teacher who abuses boys in her<br />

primary school class?<br />

Try to show the diversity of abusers<br />

and the techniques.<br />

Some sex offenders are just violent and<br />

threaten children.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Some offenders will be very careful and<br />

charming and nice. Some mix it up. Some<br />

have completely different approaches.<br />

We are guilty of only ever showing one<br />

type of sex offender in CSE films and<br />

resources and it’s totally unrealistic.<br />

Don’t show online abuse as some fat old<br />

ugly bloke posing as a teenager online to<br />

groom kids, the research does not support<br />

this at all – and it is causing a narrative in<br />

professionals all over the UK who think<br />

that online abuse is a sex offender who<br />

poses as children and then ‘tricks’ them<br />

into meeting them.<br />

There is way too much ‘consultancy’ going<br />

on around these CSE films and resources<br />

where professionals are telling the<br />

developers that the resource is unethical<br />

or incorrect and then the organisation<br />

ploughs ahead and releases it anyway.<br />

I know of at least two resources in the<br />

public domain that were opposed by<br />

experts but were released anyway by the<br />

organisation.<br />

What is the point of holding consultations<br />

if you ignore the experts you invited?<br />

Accept that you might not get the answer<br />

you hoped for.<br />

“Don’t show online abuse as some fat old ugly bloke posing<br />

as a teenager online to groom kids, the research does<br />

not support this at all.”<br />

Avoid a misleading title full of buzzwords<br />

and sensation. Personally, I think that<br />

‘Kayleigh’s Love Story’ is an insult to her<br />

and should have been boycotted the<br />

second it crept out of someone’s mouth.<br />

It’s not catchy or clever to call a video<br />

about a sexual homicide of a child a ‘love<br />

story’.<br />

Do not sell, roll out or deliver a resource<br />

or film that has not been tested<br />

empirically and independently.<br />

In fact, only make a resource or film if<br />

you have sought an expert panel which<br />

includes child, clinical or forensic<br />

psychologists at a bare minimum.<br />

Go to your local universities and ask for a<br />

reviewing panel. Ask for ethical review.<br />

Go and get experts to be your critical<br />

friends and listen to them.<br />

What is the effect of your resource? How<br />

does it work? How do you know? Does it<br />

work the same for all children? Does it<br />

work better for some over others? Why?<br />

Do children benefit from this? How? How<br />

long for? How do you know? Is there any<br />

difference between the children who have<br />

never seen your film/resource and the<br />

children you used it with? How do you<br />

know? How will you test this?<br />

Evaluation is vital. There are so many<br />

CSE films and resources that make<br />

massive claims to reduce abuse, increase<br />

knowledge, protect children, enable them<br />

to spot the signs of abuse, escape abuse,<br />

realise what is happening to them – but<br />

no evidence and no empirical testing.<br />

This is an edited version.<br />

The full blog can be found on:<br />

victimfocus.wordpress.com<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Dr Emma Bond<br />

is a Professor in the Faculty of<br />

Arts, Business<br />

and Applied Social Science<br />

at University of Suffolk<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Professor Emma Bond is a<br />

Professor in the Faculty of Arts,<br />

Business and Applied Social<br />

Science at University of Suffolk<br />

and has over 15 years teaching<br />

experience on social science<br />

undergraduate and post-graduate<br />

courses.<br />

Emma also has extensive research<br />

experience and is a Senior Fellow<br />

of the Higher Education Academy<br />

and a visiting Senior Fellow at the<br />

London School of Economics.<br />

Emma is a member of the British<br />

Sociological Association and the<br />

Society for Research in Higher<br />

Education.<br />

Her research on virtual<br />

environments, mobile<br />

technologies and risk has<br />

attracted much national and<br />

international acclaim and she has<br />

been interviewed for BBC<br />

Breakfast; The Today Programme<br />

on Radio 4; Woman's Hour on<br />

Radio 4; Channel 4s Sex<br />

education Show and for various<br />

national media channels in the<br />

UK, America and Canada.<br />


<strong>CCChat</strong> will be interviewing<br />

Professor Bond as well as hear<br />

about her current research.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

In 2014, 20 year old Hollie Gazzard was viciously murdered by her<br />

ex-boyfriend. Since then, her family have tirelessly raised<br />

awareness of domestic violence whilst keeping the memory of their<br />

beloved Hollie alive.<br />

Following on from Hollie Guard, an app that turns a smartphone<br />

into a personal safety device by shaking the phone or tapping the<br />

screen to generate an alert. Nick Gazzard, Hollie's father aims to<br />

educate employers on domestic abuse and their obligations to their<br />

employees.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Graham Goulden Dad,<br />

husband, 1986 World Pipe<br />

Band Champion Drummer,<br />

International Leadership and<br />

Violence Prevention Trainer<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible


Graham Goulden<br />

H<br />

i<br />

Graham, thank you so much for agreeing to this<br />

interview. I am really pleased to be interviewing you<br />

especially as I know you are currently away in the<br />

States, working but before we get on to that, let’s start<br />

off gently..<br />

Are you a shower or a bath person?<br />

Wow, what a start to an interview. What the hell in for a penny in for a pound.<br />

A bath gets my vote all of the time. But then again, I’m getting bathrooms<br />

upgraded soon with a new shower. Can I get back to you on that one?<br />

Are you an early bird or a night owl?<br />

Early bird for me. Always keen to get the day started. Always something to<br />

learn. Coffee makes everything better.<br />

For the benefit of those who don’t know, what do you do?<br />

I spent 30 years as a Scottish Police Officer, the last 8 years spent as a Chief<br />

Inspector with the Scottish Violence Reduction Unit (VRU) developing<br />

leadership/bystander programmes in Schools, Universities, with dentists,<br />

hairdressers, the fire service, sports and in the work place. This work focused<br />

a lot on leadership to prevent incidences of bullying, domestic violence and<br />

sexual violence.<br />

Having now retired from the police I’ve set up my own training consultancy<br />

‘Cultivating Minds UK’. I enjoy talking leadership when it comes to<br />

prevention of bullying, domestic abuse and sexual violence. I’m lucky enough<br />

to work from time to time in the United States. This has in past centred on<br />

schools, university campuses and pro-sports. I worked last year with pro<br />

baseball teams supporting prevention work around domestic and sexual<br />

violence. I can always say that I worked with the Chicago Cubs during their<br />

World Series winning season (Go Cubs). I see a real opportunity for sports in<br />

the UK to be engaged in this work I’m also about to speak at an event on<br />

‘heroism’ in Michigan. I know bystanders see friends being abused or being<br />

abusive. We need to help them be the friends and hero’s I know they can be.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

What made you go into this line<br />

of work?<br />

I got into law enforcement as a 19 year<br />

old. It’s something I had always<br />

wanted to do. My last role within the<br />

VRU really turned my world on its<br />

head. I just started to see a world<br />

where my two daughters faced real<br />

issues and challenges. I met some<br />

really interesting people including my<br />

now friend Jackson Katz. Jackson<br />

forced me to self-inspect my attitudes<br />

and behaviours. I have to say it was<br />

like getting hit by a 40-tonne lorry.<br />

Now that I see it I will never be able to<br />

un-see it. For me I just want to engage<br />

others in conversations that allow<br />

them to see the issues at play.<br />

Prevention for me needs to involve a<br />

dripping tap approach. Not one<br />

response will provide the solution. It<br />

will take many small steps and actions<br />

that together will make the difference<br />

we need.<br />

What, in your opinion is the most<br />

misunderstood, the biggest myth<br />

in the understanding of violence<br />

prevention?<br />

For me there are many challenges. The<br />

biggest for me is in how society defines<br />

the term violence itself. Most people<br />

will define violence as the physical<br />

stuff.<br />

“the work I was doing brought me into some conflict with other<br />

colleagues who simply thought that to tackle violence we<br />

needed to come down hard on the criminal. ”<br />

How do people react when you tell<br />

them what you do?<br />

In the last years of my service, the work I was<br />

doing brought me into some conflict with<br />

other colleagues who simply thought that to<br />

tackle violence we needed to come down<br />

hard on the criminal.<br />

I look at violence now through the lens of<br />

public health. This has allowed me to ask lots<br />

of questions about behaviour but at all times<br />

still hold people accountable. What we see<br />

playing out in our communities: the antisocial<br />

behaviour, the violence and the<br />

addictions are often rooted in early years<br />

experiences.<br />

We ignore these at our peril. This for me is<br />

why our collective response to domestic<br />

violence is so important. We will never have<br />

peace on our streets, and in our world until<br />

we have peace in the home. That’s fact. I’ve<br />

persevered and just kept pegging away, so<br />

much so that many colleagues and even<br />

family members now see the issues at play.<br />

The punch, the kick, the slap. A question I<br />

always ask of people is “If we simply<br />

define violence as the end result, how do<br />

we expect to prevent it?” That’s the first<br />

challenge. We need to think differently<br />

and widen our lens when it comes to<br />

violence. There are many other challenges<br />

including how we blame victims, media<br />

consumption, notions of masculinity.<br />

These may have to wait for another time.<br />

Which question makes you cringe?<br />

Not so much a question but a<br />

statement.<br />

As I say above I do a lot of work to<br />

prevent domestic violence and sexual<br />

violence. It’s clear that girls and women<br />

are most at risk and that men are the<br />

main perpetrators.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

I often get men and women reminding<br />

me that men can be victims of<br />

woman’s abuse.<br />

I understand where they are coming<br />

from and of course this form of abuse<br />

is wrong however I sometimes just<br />

want individuals to be able to talk<br />

about men’s violence without having to<br />

focus on woman’s violence. For me it’s<br />

important we separate it.<br />

First thing is not to panic. This is more<br />

about being a friend than having to be<br />

a crime fighter. It’s not your job to<br />

solve this, your role is to be there and<br />

ask the question.<br />

Statements such as “Is everything ok?<br />

I’ve noticed (behaviour/injury). It<br />

looks like something has happened.<br />

You didn’t deserve this.”<br />

Being a bystander to any difficult<br />

situation is going to be difficult<br />

therefor it’s important we think about<br />

our actions if it happened for real. Ask<br />

yourself what’s the alternative if you<br />

do nothing?<br />

“I sometimes just want individuals to be able to talk about men’s<br />

violence without having to focus on woman’s violence.”<br />

If you suspected a friend of yours<br />

of being a victim of violence, how<br />

would you broach the subject, if<br />

at all?<br />

It’s so important that we all start to see<br />

a role in the prevention of violence.<br />

Violence has the potential to be deeply<br />

personal to each and everyone of us.<br />

Victims of violence need our support.<br />

They need to know that they have done<br />

nothing wrong and didn’t deserve their<br />

victimisation.<br />

When it comes to incidences of<br />

domestic and sexual violence this is<br />

vital. These crimes involve power and<br />

control being taken away from victims.<br />

It’s vital we know that we all have the<br />

ability to give some of this power back.<br />

I previously wrote this blog on when a<br />

friend discloses sexual violence. It’s still<br />

very relevant -<br />

https://ggoulden.wordpress.com/2016/<br />

12/05/so-you-want-to-help-heres-how/<br />

( cut and paste into browser)<br />

And what if you thought the friend<br />

was the abuser?<br />

I’m so glad you asked this question. The<br />

ongoing Harvey Weinstein case suggests<br />

that many people around Weinstein knew<br />

what was happening but did nothing.<br />

What does this say to Weinstein?<br />

It gives a form of consent to his actions<br />

and adds to his power. I do however<br />

accept that it can be difficult to challenge<br />

a friend and see a need for us to talk more<br />

about this and provide individuals with<br />

options and ways that this can be done<br />

safely.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Conflict is difficult. We might lose a<br />

friend, we might get hurt. But again,<br />

ask yourself “What’s the alternative?”<br />

I’m not a believer in simply coming at<br />

this head on with a friend. We need to<br />

come more at this from many different<br />

angles. Saying something like “I’ve<br />

noticed your behaviour with ….. I’m a<br />

bit concerned about this. Is everything<br />

ok?<br />

As a man, for me there is a need for<br />

more men to challenge other men on<br />

their abusive behaviour. Let’s not wait<br />

for it to become physical. We need<br />

men to help send out the message that<br />

any form of abuse isn’t tolerated<br />

The conversations will also help us<br />

challenge the thinking of the some. Lastly<br />

we need to provide young people with<br />

safe options that they can use to help,<br />

even challenge their friends. So whilst<br />

education is needed and can happen. For<br />

me its how we engage the young people<br />

that’s critical. I often feel this initial<br />

engagement is missing.<br />

There are some who think the mindset of<br />

a perpetrator cannot be changed and that<br />

change is only possible with a new<br />

generation brought up with different<br />

values. How would you respond to that?<br />

There will be some perpetrators of abuse<br />

that will never change.<br />

“As a man, for me there is a need for more men to<br />

challenge other men on their abusive behaviour.”<br />

How do we educate children in this?<br />

Education is important but for me there is<br />

a step we need to take before education.<br />

There is a real need to open dialog up that<br />

creates a conversations that raise<br />

awareness on these issues. These<br />

conversations allow us to start to provide<br />

the reassurance I feel is needed.<br />

The majority of young people in our<br />

schools possess healthy attitudes that are<br />

being challenged by our culture and<br />

climate. Young people are growing up in a<br />

sexually toxic environment. Yes, we<br />

should be shocked when we read<br />

headlines about increases in sexual<br />

violence in our schools but we shouldn’t<br />

necessarily be surprised.<br />

The reassurance we need to provide will<br />

support young people live their healthy<br />

values.<br />

Criminal justice is the response. I’m doing<br />

work in prisons just now that clearly show<br />

that for some a lack of knowledge around<br />

healthy relationships plays out in the<br />

offences we see. .<br />

I’m not excusing abuse, I just want us to<br />

help some people better understand their<br />

behaviour. In many way’s my approach<br />

forces self-inspection whilst not directly<br />

pointing fingers. A lot of those who<br />

perpetrate abuse have known nothing<br />

else. Behaviours are often taught and<br />

without an opposite they will continue to<br />

play out with harmful consequences.<br />

Again, I’m not excusing abuse. I’m<br />

suggesting that we need to consider the<br />

impact of early adverse childhood<br />

experiences (ACES). The work I’m doing<br />

in prison just now focuses on fatherhood.<br />

Clearly the next generation are at risk of<br />

we don’t look at ways to affect change in<br />

behaviours<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Who inspires you?<br />

For me it’s my daughters Alice and<br />

Jenni. We all need a purpose in our<br />

lives. I know both my girls have<br />

experienced sexism and forms of abuse<br />

in their lives. It angers me and has<br />

forced me to self-inspect my own<br />

behaviours when growing up. This in<br />

many ways have been very helpful. My<br />

girls experiences inspire me to make<br />

the invisible, visible, especially when<br />

working with boys and men. I show a<br />

picture of them at most trainings and<br />

presentations I deliver. They are my<br />

Why.<br />

What is a typical day ?<br />

Retirement from the police hasn’t<br />

meant that I have slowed down. In<br />

fact, I’m as busy as ever. I’m a bit of a<br />

social media addict using it to extend<br />

my learning and connect with likeminded<br />

people. My day often starts<br />

with some web surfing. Preparation is<br />

important for me. I like to ensure my<br />

content is bespoke and current. A lot of<br />

my time is spent developing my<br />

content to ensure those attending<br />

trainings get the most from it.<br />

How do you switch off from<br />

work?<br />

I sometimes find it hard to totally<br />

switch off. There is so much going on<br />

in the world that both upsets and<br />

angers me.<br />

I just want to develop conversations to<br />

help others see the issues at play.<br />

Walking the dog, running, skiing and<br />

enjoying time with my wonderful wife<br />

all excite me.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

“My girls experiences inspire me to make the invisible,<br />

visible, especially when working with boys and men.”<br />

You’re stranded on a desert<br />

island. Which 3 things could you<br />

not live without? You are not<br />

allowed to say people or pets!<br />

My phone with unlimited data so I can<br />

speak with my wife and family as well<br />

as accessing my Spotify account. Love<br />

music.<br />

Graham, Ive really enjoyed this<br />

interview and it's good to know<br />

more about the man behind the<br />

mission. Thank you so much for<br />

giving <strong>CCChat</strong> this opportunity.<br />

That will do me. Hopefully my wife will<br />

send out the rescue party after I call<br />

her. By the way I’m assuming there<br />

would be a signal.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

2017<br />

Norwich Beer Festival<br />

Leeway - Norwich Beer Fesival's Charity of the Year<br />

As a volunteer for Leeway Domestic Abuse, I helped man the stand at the 40th Norwich Beer Festival in<br />

October. The 6 day festival showcased over 250 different beers and the event overall amount raised for<br />

domestic abuse was in excess of £7,000- a phenomenal amount. Thank you CAMRA and real ale drinkers!<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Charity Focus<br />

Interview with<br />

Mandy Procter<br />

CEO, Leeway<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Mandy Procter<br />

CEO, Leeway<br />

Hi Mandy, thank you so much for<br />

agreeing to this interview. I am<br />

thrilled to be interviewing you.<br />

Leeway is a fantastic local charity<br />

and it was a real pleasure to talk<br />

at your recent conference in July.<br />

So, just starting off gently:<br />

Are you a shower or a bath person?<br />

Bath Are you an early bird or a night<br />

owl? Neither! I hate early morning and<br />

don’t like to be too late going to bed<br />

For the benefit of those who don’t<br />

know, could you tell us what you do? I<br />

am Chief Executive Officer of Leeway<br />

Domestic Violence and Abuse Services<br />

who supports adults, children & young<br />

people experiencing domestic abuse.<br />

What made you go into this line<br />

of work?<br />

I started as a volunteer with the charity<br />

in 1989 & because I was passionate<br />

about wanting to support women and<br />

children who were suffering from<br />

domestic abuse.<br />

How do people react when you<br />

tell them what you do? Outside of<br />

the DV sector that is! “<br />

Oh that must be rewarding” is a<br />

popular response.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

What do you consider to be the<br />

most important qualities in<br />

someone working with victims?<br />

Empathy, understanding, nonjudgemental,<br />

supportive, the ability to<br />

advocate on behalf of others.<br />

Knowledge of safeguarding & safety<br />

planning. Awareness of other agencies<br />

both statutory and voluntary that can<br />

also offer additional support.<br />

Ability to confidence build & empower<br />

victims to make positive life choices.<br />

What advice would you give to<br />

someone who didn’t want to report?<br />

If someone is at risk of immediate harm<br />

or in danger the advice I would always<br />

encourage them to report to the police.<br />

The police powers and responses have<br />

drastically improved over time and the<br />

service is there to offer the emergency<br />

response to emergency situations.<br />

For ongoing harassment, stalking and<br />

other abusive behaviours I again<br />

encourage reporting, the abuser can then<br />

hopefully be brought to account for their<br />

behaviour/s through the criminal or civil<br />

justice processes.<br />

“We currently have six refuges across the Norfolk offering 47<br />

emergency bed spaces for women and children fleeing an<br />

abusive situation. ”<br />

How would you respond to someone<br />

who feels that getting funding for<br />

support services is easy?<br />

I would explain that there are many<br />

competitive processes and hoops to jump<br />

through to obtain funds from a whole variety<br />

of funders & that you would need to not have<br />

all your eggs in one basket so to speak.<br />

Who do you admire?<br />

Professor Liz Kelly<br />

Editor's note:<br />

Professor Liz Kelly was one of a group<br />

of women who set up Leeway in<br />

Norwich, in the 1970's.<br />

What is a typical day for you?<br />

Leadership & decision making,<br />

problem-solving, various meetings, bid<br />

reading, governance support for the<br />

board of trustees, liaising with the<br />

media etc etc.<br />

What positive changes in terms<br />

of victim support have you seen<br />

in your time at Leeway and what<br />

still needs to be done?<br />

Leeway have expanded and developed<br />

our services over the last 44 years. We<br />

currently have six refuges across the<br />

Norfolk offering 47 emergency bed<br />

spaces for women and children fleeing<br />

an abusive situation.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Leeway Community services cover<br />

Norfolk and Waveney meeting people<br />

who are living with or fleeing abusive<br />

relationships this includes our helpline<br />

for women and men, as well as<br />

caseworkers, outreach workers and a<br />

children’s team.<br />

We also have an advocacy service for high<br />

risk service users. We have seen many<br />

changes in attitudes and legislation over<br />

this time and partnership working is a big<br />

move forward in reaching and supporting<br />

people experiencing domestic abuse.<br />

We work closely with Norfolk<br />

Constabulary regarding Claire’s Law and<br />

Coercive Control.<br />

What do you do to relax?<br />

Go to the football, spend time with my<br />

family, go on holidays, visit the<br />

seaside. If you were given 3<br />

wishes, what would they be?<br />

Secure long-term funding for domestic<br />

abuse services, Government legislation<br />

to safeguard victims from further<br />

abuse Norwich City Football Club to<br />

win the Premier League<br />

Finally, you’re stranded on a<br />

desert island. Which 3 things<br />

could you not live without?<br />

Chocolate or cake, glass of wine,<br />

water.<br />

“We have seen many changes in attitudes and<br />

legislation over this time ”<br />

We are also involved in many<br />

consultations, both nationally and<br />

locally, and campaign on various<br />

issues alongside Women’s Aid over<br />

many years to improve the lives and<br />

services for women and children.<br />

Many things still need be done like<br />

having a national stalking register and<br />

also for the government to ensure long<br />

term, secure, funding for refuges, as<br />

well as introducing a Commissioner to<br />

ensure good practice is being carried<br />

out by the police and legal system.<br />

Making sure children and teenagers’,<br />

experiencing DA, voices are heard and<br />

that they have adequate support from<br />

DA services.<br />

Mandy,<br />

Thank you so much for giving<br />

your time to this interview. It is<br />

great to know a little bit more<br />

about the CEO of the charity I<br />

volunteer for.<br />

The sponsored headshave did not<br />

reach the target I had hoped for<br />

but am looking at organising<br />

another fundraising event to<br />

support Leeway.<br />

It will be some form of sponsored<br />

karaoke<br />

but let's get Christmas out of the<br />

way first!<br />

Min<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible


we need to talk<br />

about this<br />

and we need to talk<br />

NOW<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible



Rachel's story<br />

“I am told that dementia is a complex illness. It<br />

isnt. Coercive control is complex behaviour”<br />

Rachel has been trying to get help for<br />

her mother for many years.<br />

She believes her mother is being failed and<br />

there is nothing she can do to make those<br />

who are in a position to help her, see.<br />

She has tried and tried and tried but, instead,<br />

she has come away with the awareness that<br />

SHE is being seen as the problem.<br />

Not the abuser, the emotionally bereft<br />

emotional abuser who has isolated Rachel's<br />

mum, but, instead, the daughter who<br />

desperately wants her mother to be safe.<br />

I have talked to Rachel on numerous<br />

occasions. We have been in contact nearly 2<br />

years. Throughout that time she has told me<br />

what has happened, filling me in on the<br />

background, updating me on the present.<br />

I have literally wanted to bang my head in<br />

frustration at the blind ignorance, the<br />

failings to recognise areas that should flag up<br />

a serious safeguarding concern.<br />

For some reason ,those concerns remain<br />

unflagged. Or, to be more accurate, the case<br />

has been looked into but nothing has ever<br />

been found.<br />

He appears devoted to his wife, so devoted he<br />

spends all his time with her. He claims it is to<br />

reassure her. He claims she only wants him to<br />

look after her.<br />

Rachel's mum has dementia and no capacity. She<br />

tells me of some horrifying examples of lack of<br />

understanding, negligent care and poor practice.<br />

There was the time social care refused to see she<br />

was at risk. She looked well presented so they<br />

surmised she was well cared for- because she was<br />

wearing clean clothes and he had brushed her hai,<br />

she was safe..<br />

There was the time the perpetrator managed to<br />

get a copy of highly confidential meeting notes<br />

discussing the potential risk he posed to Rachel's<br />

mother.<br />

There was the time he admitted giving her his<br />

medication. Highly addictive sleeping pills. He<br />

said he had been told he could do that, if Rachel's<br />

mum became unmanageable and he couldn't cope.<br />

That it did not alert them to possible risk,<br />

especially when he refused social care, saying he<br />

wanted to do it all himself. Even though he<br />

admitted medicating her when he plainly couldn't.<br />

There was the time he insisted on no outside help,<br />

saying he could manage, saying he wanted to be<br />

the one looking after his wife. He was in in<br />

eighties.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Many a time, Rachel has worried that he<br />

might go to the police to make a compaint of<br />

harassment. This would inevitably result in<br />

her not being able to visit her mum,<br />

increasing the already significant isolation<br />

and incresing the risk of harm of Rachel's<br />

mum.<br />

Rachel is exhausted. She has been trying to<br />

have her mum moved to a safer environment<br />

for several years. it has taken a toll on her<br />

health, her relationship with her family and<br />

also on their finances.<br />

She tells me she has not had a holiday<br />

abroad, with her husband, for several years.<br />

She insists on one of them being in the<br />

country in case something happens to her<br />

mum.<br />

There was the time he accused Rachel of<br />

lying and only wanting to get her hands on<br />

the inheritance.<br />

This, even though Rachel wanted her mum<br />

transferred to a care home which would have<br />

eaten up the inheritance she was trying to grasp.<br />

Noone saw the contradiction. It was easier to<br />

scapegoat Rachel as the one with the problem, the<br />

one who was a risk to her mother.<br />

This is no way to live, there is no way this is<br />

sustainable. Rachel spends her life in a<br />

hypervigilant state fretting over what her<br />

mum may be subjected to.<br />

What Rachel can't understand is that others<br />

can see the concerns and yet the<br />

professionals who are supposed to safeguard<br />

her are oblivious to 'red flags'.<br />

“I still expect to be lied to,<br />

stonewalled, by adult social care.”<br />

He had Power of Attorney but even so, Rachel was<br />

unable to find a single domestic abuse support<br />

agency that would look at the case. Why? Because<br />

she lacked mental capacity.<br />

Visits were made as difficult as possible. He<br />

insisted on staying in the room. If Rachel's mum<br />

became confused, he told her that she and Rachel<br />

had had a row and she had told him she wanted<br />

Rachel to go.<br />

Or that she had fallen and needed to stay in bed to<br />

rest and get better, that she is was the one asking<br />

to go to bed, to be left in bed - sometimes all day.<br />

If Rachel said anything, he accused her of<br />

defamation, of lying, of being the bully.<br />

She really struggles with this seemingly<br />

unbelievable cognitive dissonance and<br />

can't help but wonder if she really IS the<br />

problem - as all the professionals have<br />

come to see her.<br />

There have been many times when Rachel<br />

has been tempted to throw in the towel<br />

but a small voice always stops her:<br />

"We all become old eventually."<br />

It is this thought which spurs her on.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible


Kelly's Story<br />

T<br />

T<br />

here is one day now ingrained on my mind. This was<br />

the day that my non molestation order was due to<br />

expire.<br />

As it got nearer this date, my anxiety levels<br />

accelerated and I felt constantly on edge.<br />

I was granted a non molestation order after the CPS dropped my case. The<br />

police advised me to urgently make an application for a non molestation<br />

order after all bail conditions were dropped<br />

The order was finally granted after several weeks of my ex partner continuing<br />

his abuse of me but through the court system. He evaded the application<br />

which had to be served and requested that he would only accept the<br />

paperwork electronically which therefore meant another court appearance at a<br />

further cost.<br />

On the final appearance at court he had stated that he would not contest the<br />

order, however I felt sure that he would on the day. True to form, he<br />

contacted my solicitor stating that he was running late and was stuck in traffic<br />

but was looking forward to seeing her in court, she said he was lovely on the<br />

phone! As my solicitor said she hated dealing with his un- predictable<br />

behaviour.<br />

He arrived at Family Court late; I was petrified, I had requested special<br />

measures due the nature of the case -he had previously threatened to kill me if<br />

I went to the police- but here were none. We were in the same room. My<br />

Barrister informed him of the process,as he was self representing, he would<br />

have been able to cross examine me, if I'd had no legal representation.<br />

True to form he then said he would be contesting the order. My Barrister<br />

informed me that he had re-written the order and informed him that this<br />

would mean a further court appearance and that we would be requesting his<br />

criminal history.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

At this point a member of staff<br />

intervened and we were called in to the<br />

court room.<br />

The Judge immediately said to my Ex<br />

partner it is my understanding that<br />

you were not going to contest this<br />

order however you have now changed<br />

your mind.<br />

I had a good judge that put my ex<br />

partner firmly in his place, he was told<br />

given the seriousness of the allegations<br />

and the fact that you state that you<br />

never want to see this woman again! I<br />

ask why you feel the need to contest<br />

it?<br />

I was utterly relieved that the order<br />

was granted and that I had some sort<br />

of protection and peace of mind.<br />

My ex is calculating and I am all too<br />

aware that whilst there is an order in<br />

place that states that he is not allowed<br />

any contact with myself both directly<br />

or indirectly and not allowed to<br />

instruct a third party to threaten or<br />

intimate me , that I am safe.<br />

All professionals have stated that he is<br />

dangerous and I am a high risk victim<br />

I know.<br />

All professionals have stated that he is dangerous and I<br />

am a high risk victim<br />

At this point he lost his cool and the<br />

judge was able to see exactly the types<br />

of behaviours that had bought us to<br />

this. He swore at me, calling me a liar<br />

and every expletive under the sun, it<br />

was at this point that the judge told<br />

him that he needed to accept the order,<br />

he reluctantly agreed and asked<br />

whether his employer would need to<br />

be informed of this he then stormed<br />

out of court.<br />

I am lucky to have left the relationship<br />

and still be alive, two years on.<br />

However, I was all too aware that I<br />

would need to either move from my<br />

home town when the order expired or<br />

re apply for an extension. The latter is<br />

what I did.<br />

This is a man who says he is a changed<br />

person; he has previous for kidnap,<br />

armed robbery and drug charges.<br />

However he now works for a major<br />

corporation so prides himself on this.<br />

My ex showed his real self at this stage,<br />

completely losing his cool screaming<br />

and shouting at myself and my<br />

barrister in the court waiting room.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Mobbing<br />



D<br />

D<br />

on't feed the trolls. I hear that a lot. If you follow me<br />

on Twitter, you'll understand why. It's not because I<br />

have an insatiable appetite to respond. To be perfectly<br />

honest, dismissing them would be a relatively easy<br />

thing to do. I choose not to.<br />

Having been in a relationship that was coercive and controlling but where, for the<br />

longest time, I did not recognise that I was the victim ( so carefully had he spun the<br />

web of lies to say it was all me), the BIGGEST question I had was How?<br />

How did I not see it?<br />

How did I not get out?<br />

How did I react in the way that I did?<br />

How was I able to hide it from everyone, especially myself?<br />

These questions, and many more, would lead me down the path of identifying 'red<br />

flags'. Those little signs at the beginning of a relationship that niggle away.You can't<br />

quite put a finger on it, it is uncomfortable, it is there.<br />

It is also a mystery.<br />

It's easy to overlook those subtle 'red flags'.<br />

People are, essentially, nice most of us believe in the goodness on mankind. Many of<br />

us are blessed with humanity. Where it can become an issue is when we overlook<br />

certain signals because we want to give people the benefit of the doubt, we don't<br />

want to judge, we don't want to readily condemn.<br />

Manipulative abusers know this and play on it. They use words like overacting,<br />

paranoid, too sensitive. These words feed into our insecurities. We all want to be<br />

liked.<br />

This brings me onto a subject that conflicts me greatly.<br />

How to deal with the troll?<br />

Don't feed them, ignore, block them.<br />

I hear these comments all the time. There is a bit of a running joke within the<br />

Twitter community that knows me. " She's off again" is fairly common as is, "Are<br />

you ok?"<br />

Those who know me well know that this is what I have to do. I engage to pin point,<br />

to highlight, to document what is THE essence of invisible in plain sight.<br />

The motivations and patterns of abusive mobbing.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Let's be clear, this is not trolling. It's<br />

not some contemptible twit bashing<br />

out his or her inadequacies on a<br />

keyboard. It's not some delinquent<br />

getting his or her jollies. It's not the<br />

cacophony of inflamed anti feminists<br />

screeching loud and proud about<br />

THEIR equality, THEIR<br />

egalitarianism, THEIR inclusiveness.<br />

By ostacising.<br />

Funny that.<br />

When I refer to mobbing, I am<br />

referring to the smear campaigns, the<br />

shouting down, the silencing, the gang<br />

baiting ego driven, hate filled enraged<br />

polemic that operates in tandem.<br />

And, most of all, I refer to the shrill<br />

screeching of the mock outraged who<br />

claim to highlight the injustice of false<br />

allegations.<br />

By making up their own false<br />

allegations.<br />

I refer to the ability of some who goad,<br />

incite, mock, attack, demean, degrade,<br />

humiliate, harangue, defame a target<br />

into responding.<br />

So THEY can claim they are the victim<br />

Or they can say it is 'tit for tat'<br />

Or reciprocal<br />

“Part of recognising what is invisble in plain sight is<br />

acknowledging what is in plain sight.”<br />

I refer to the so called advocates<br />

(SCAs) who trawl the internet for the<br />

prey they seek to validate and verify<br />

their bloated yet empty claims.<br />

I refer to the disaffected who lash out<br />

at all who disagree because THEY have<br />

been hurt, THEY have been violated,<br />

THEY have suffered.<br />

And, somehow, they feel it justifies<br />

their behaviour.<br />

I refer to the axes that are ground by<br />

spreading rumour and innuendo and<br />

fantasy as fact.<br />

When it is ANYTHING BUT.<br />

Part of recognising what is invisble in<br />

plain sight is acknowledging what is in<br />

plain sight.<br />

You can give a blind person a book but<br />

you can't make them see.<br />

If we want stalking, harassment, cyber<br />

bullying, any king of bullying, coercive<br />

control to be taken seriously, we need<br />

to take our heads OUT of the sand and<br />

not only recognise but FLAG UP what<br />

is there.<br />

Right under your nose.<br />

Invisible in plain sight.<br />

Min Grob<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Just some of the examples of 'Mobbing'<br />

Mobbing is not trolling. It is coordinated silencing.<br />

It is a carefully orchestrated and choreographed mass attack on<br />

a common 'foe'.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Just some of the examples of 'Mobbing'<br />

Abusers attach to others to intimidate and denigrate en masse.<br />

It won't be long before the person trying to discredit you starts<br />

engaging with others who disagree with you. to form an alliance.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible


Mediator and Panel Member<br />

of <strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />

I<br />

am interviewing Gwen Owen, a commercial and civil<br />

mediator with offices in the medieval grid of Suffolk<br />

market-town, Bury St Edmunds.<br />

Starting next year, the first <strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />

will start, in Bury St Edmunds, with Gwen as one of<br />

the panel members.<br />

Hi Gwen, thank you so much for agreeing to this interview and thank<br />

you also for letting me use your offices for the upcoming <strong>CCChat</strong><br />

Discussion Group. I wanted to find out a little more about what you do<br />

so, for the first question: Are you a shower or a bath person?<br />

A bit of both really. Shower in the morning but I love a bath at night. Are you an<br />

early bird or a night owl?<br />

More of a night owl but I can get up in the morning and can hit the floor running, if<br />

I need to.<br />

Your offices are based in the centre of Bury St Edmunds. What is the<br />

best thing about being in Bury St Edmunds?<br />

Oh where do I start! I love the feel of the town:- Abbey Gardens , all the cafés,<br />

independent shops, the Wednesday and Saturday Market, the friendly people, the<br />

Cathedral, the surrounding villages and the community spirit of our Facebook page:<br />


As you know, I raise awareness of coercive control. What do you think<br />

needs to be done to improve understanding?<br />

Generally there is no hiding the fact there is physical abuse in many relationships;<br />

we can see the evidence of this when someone has been affected. Mental cruelty and<br />

coercive control, can be hidden by the perpetrator and the victim, therefore if more<br />

people have an understanding of how damaging and dangerous coercive control can<br />

be, there will be more opportunities for victims to be heard and understood.<br />

Hopefully this will result in less situations sliding under the radar.<br />

There is an enormous need to educate potential victims by providing support and<br />

general awareness. The need for self worth, self belief together with the knowledge<br />

they will be listened to, will provide strength to the potential victim. This means the<br />

perpetrator who is attempting coercive control will not have the level of power<br />

required to succeed.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

I know you are a mediator, but<br />

that’s all I know. Could you tell me a<br />

little more about it?<br />

Mediation can be an effective solution<br />

when an argument / disagreement cannot<br />

be rectified with the personnel involved.<br />

It is less costly than resorting to courts<br />

and can often provide a more acceptable<br />

outcome because both parties are given<br />

equal input.<br />

My training in Commercial & Civil<br />

Mediation has been further enhanced by<br />

my training and knowledge in group<br />

counselling.<br />

I fit a gym workout in when I can but<br />

have been lax over the past months due to<br />

spending a number of nights away<br />

looking after my Mother.<br />

I do generally enjoy exercise so I want to<br />

get back into a healthy routine. My day is<br />

then taken up with meeting clients or<br />

potential clients, answering emails and<br />

preparing mail outs.<br />

My hobbies are Dramatics and as a<br />

member of Bury Theatre Workshop, I’m<br />

either rehearsing for a play or helping<br />

with the set-up of the next play, twice a<br />

week.<br />

This provides me with a wonderful outlet<br />

and tremendous fun.<br />

“I believe you need to have an open mind, be non<br />

judgemental and to know you’re not there<br />

to solve their problem.”<br />

Mediation can be effective in many areas<br />

of conflict such as neighbour disputes ,<br />

business agreements • Business<br />

Partnership Disputes , doctor / patient<br />

disputes • family disputes around wills .<br />

My role as a Mediator is to facilitate the<br />

discussions, not to advise or suggest<br />

solutions. I listen to the options each<br />

person wishes to offer and go back and<br />

forth to each person until there is an<br />

agreed acceptable outcome.<br />

What would be a typical day for<br />

you?<br />

I get up around 7 to 7:30 am, check<br />

emails and after showering, arrive in my<br />

office any time from 9 to 10:30 am,<br />

depending on whether I have an evening<br />

group counselling session.<br />

In your opinion, what are the qualities<br />

to look out for in a good mediator?<br />

I believe you need to have an open mind, be<br />

non judgemental and to know you’re not<br />

there to solve their problem. Encourage<br />

people to believe they have the answers and<br />

provide them with the space and belief they<br />

can come up with an acceptable solution.<br />

To contact Gwen:<br />

Email: thewestsuffolkhub@gmail.com<br />

Mobile: 07979 151509<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

New for 2018<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong><br />

Discussion Groups<br />

First East Anglia, then nationwide<br />

Making The Invisible Visible<br />

Cambridge<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />

Starting 2018<br />

Bury St Edmunds<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />

Starting 2018<br />

Norwich<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />

Starting 2018<br />

Ipswich<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> Discussion Group<br />

Starting 2018<br />


On the 1st Nov our discussion point was<br />

‘financial abuse’ and there was a lot to be<br />

said by many. It created many conversations<br />

and I have selected a few tweets so you can<br />

see what real people are saying about the<br />

topic. Anyone can get involved, all you have<br />

to do is sign into Twitter on the dedicated<br />

time and tweet with the #AbuseTalk.<br />

The account @AbuseChat will retweet and be<br />

involved in the conversation. If you have any<br />

articles, blog posts, thoughts, feelings on<br />

domestic abuse then this is a space were you<br />

can express it<br />

Don’t know what a Twitter Chat is?<br />

“A Twitter chat is a public Twitter<br />

conversation around one unique hashtag.<br />

This hashtag allows you to follow the<br />

discussion and participate in it. Twitter chats<br />

are usually recurring and on specific topics to<br />

regularly connect people with these<br />

interests.”<br />

www.JenniferGilmour.com<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

NEW: Online Book Club<br />

more than books, books with messages<br />

J<br />

ennifer<br />

Gilmour has launched a book club with a difference.<br />

Read books that relate to domestic abuse. There will be<br />

interviews, reviews, a chance to share your thoughts as talking<br />

points and win exclusive signed copies of some of the books<br />

featured. Any questions or want to get involved?<br />

Email: JLJarratt@hotmail.com<br />

Book for November 2017<br />

Autumn Sky by Helen Pryke ????? on Amazon UK. FREE short story on Amazon:<br />

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Autumn-Sky-Helen-Pryke-ebook/dp/B01N4G80LN<br />

The day Julia’s best friend Becky gives her a magazine article to read, her whole world falls apart.<br />

After years of emotional and psychological abuse, is Julia ready to face the truth about her perfect<br />

marriage to Simon or will she continue to hide her head in the sand? Autumn Sky is a short story of<br />

7,000 words. It includes an excerpt of Walls of Silence, Helen Pryke’s debut novel. My own thoughts<br />

on Autumn Sky: “What a powerful short story that makes an impact. Helen has done a fantastic job<br />

on portraying the anxiety of a victim and I have to say I particularly valued how she has brought<br />

some of the facts of domestic abuse through a magazine article in the book.<br />

It is a challenging job to educate through fiction when you are using it as a piece of entertainment<br />

and Helen has done this exceptionally well. I wanted to read more and find out what happened<br />

further, I was kept intrigued and I related to the victim. Thank you Helen for this short piece which I<br />

am sure will help those who are in abusive relationships realise they are worth more and that it’s<br />

unacceptable behaviour. A must read”<br />

I had the opportunity to ask Helen a couple of questions:<br />

What would you like readers to gain from your short story?<br />

I hope that my short story will reach readers from all walks of life, both male and female, and help<br />

them understand what psychological abuse is like and why the victim can’t leave in most cases. I<br />

hope that people who have never been in an abusive situation will come away from my story with a<br />

deeper understanding and compassion for those who go through these things every day. Most of all, I<br />

hope that someone who is experiencing this type of abuse will read Autumn Sky and it will give them<br />

the courage, and the hope, to take the first step towards asking for help.<br />

Is domestic abuse at the core of all your writing or do you write about anything else?<br />

My books do have abuse at their core, but they are also about strong women who overcome terrible<br />

situations, despite the odds. I’ve written a full-length novel, Walls of Silence, that deals with all kinds<br />

of abuse – sexual, domestic, psychological, emotional. I wrote it just after having left an abusive<br />

relationship, and it was a way to get rid of the anger and hurt inside me. My latest novel, The Healer’s<br />

Secret, is also about abuse, and the effects it has on a family, but there are other elements interwoven<br />

into the story. Sometimes I need to take a break from writing about such traumatic subjects, and I<br />

have recently published a middle grade children’s book under a pen name, with another one due out<br />

next year.<br />

Thank you Helen for giving your time to answer those questions. Do you have thoughts on<br />

Autumn Sky? Email me by the end of November at jljarratt@hotmail.com.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

The Gallery Highwaymans<br />

Risby, Nr Bury St Edmunds<br />

01284 810283;<br />

www.thegalleryhighwaymans.co.uk<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

The Gallery Highwaymans is situated<br />

just outside Bury St Edmunds.<br />

If you're planning an event in Bury St<br />

Edmunds, this venue has facilities<br />

measuring 30 square feet (3 square<br />

meters), including a meeting room.<br />

Free self parking.<br />

Make yourself at home in one of the 8<br />

guestrooms. Complimentary wireless<br />

Internet access is available to keep you<br />

connected. Conveniences including<br />

desks, and both irons/ironing boards<br />

and cribs/infant beds (surcharge) are<br />

available on request.<br />

An ideal venue for a gallery opening, a<br />

conference, a retreat or just an escape<br />

to the country.<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Elizabeth Hodder<br />

Gross & Co Solicitors<br />

If you need to see a solicitor but don't qualify for legal aid,<br />

then pared down straight talking is what you need<br />

Elizabeth Hodder is a Solicitor,<br />

Collaborative Lawyer, Partner and<br />

Head of the Family Law<br />

Department at Gross & Co in Bury<br />

St Edmunds, Suffolk.<br />

She sees clients from all walks of life<br />

including:- Doctors, Dentists, Vets,<br />

Solicitors, Bankers, Accountants,<br />

Teachers, Farmers, Police Officers, Prison<br />

Officers, Grandparents.<br />

As well as members (serving and retired)<br />

of HM Forces, Financial Advisors, Small<br />

Business Owners and<br />

throughout England and abroad.<br />

Elizabeth also acts for a large number of<br />

expatriates whose domicile may or may<br />

not be in the UK, but who have issues<br />

which need to be resolved in the English<br />

Courts.<br />

About Elizabeth:<br />

Elizabeth has practised as a Solicitor in<br />

Bury St. Edmunds since qualifying in<br />

1984 and has been actively involved in<br />

the local community over the years in<br />

may roles including : Trustee of the<br />

Bury St Edmunds Citizens Advice<br />

Bureau Trustee of Relate (formerly<br />

West Suffolk Marriage Guidance)<br />

Director of Women’s Aid. Trustee of<br />

Meningioma UK (a registered charity<br />

providing support and information for<br />

people with a rare form of brain<br />

tumour)<br />

In her spare time, which she admits is<br />

scant, she enjoys many sports and<br />

activities including going to the gym;<br />

pilates; tennis; cycling; walking;<br />

looking after my allotment.<br />

Elizabeth Hodder<br />

Gross & Co<br />

83-84 Guildhall St, Bury Saint<br />

Edmunds IP33 1LN<br />

Tel: 01284 763333<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

Specialisations:<br />

Financial settlements, Living Together<br />

Agreements Contact/Residence of children<br />

Cases involving a foreign or international<br />

element with assets in the UK or abroad<br />

www.gross.co.uk<br />

Editor's note:<br />

Elizabeth was my divorce lawyer. I had<br />

a strong need to get out of the<br />

marriage as soon as possible and<br />

chose to divorce without looking at<br />

child arrangements and financial<br />

matters. As a result of that I was<br />

divorced within 4 months and acted as<br />

a litigant in person for children and<br />

financial.<br />

This isn't a step for everyone but I<br />

needed to free myself from the control<br />

as soon as I could as I felt suffocated.<br />

Elizabeth made it happen.<br />

MG<br />

<strong>CCChat</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> - Making the Invisible Visible

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