First three chapters of the book.

First three chapters of the book.


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Oliver Shiflish

Less Fear

More Happiness








I was born in Subotica – Szabadka in the former Yugoslavia,

a multinational, multicultural and multi-religion city. In

the war of 1991, I lost my country; but after a couple of

months of despair, I realized that I had gained the whole

world… and not only realized it but embraced it in full! I

finished my studies in economics and later made a decent

success in the film distribution and film production field

with my company, Best Hollywood… I now have twentyfive

Berlinale and Cannes Film Festivals behind me.

My dear readers… I am a person who expresses his

feelings freely and that’s the way I have written this book…

I know that there may be readers who find some parts of

the book too harsh, but isn’t life itself, from time to time,

harsh with us as well? I was writing it as my inner voice

told me and it might be hurtful – because we see and

perceive many things differently. But please understand

that, by no means, is it my intention to offend anyone;

and if I have or do, please accept my apologies.


My belief is that there exists only one Universal Truth…

Universal Love…Universal Faith…Universal Power, and

it cannot be cut into pieces…It is referred to by way of

different names and explained in different ways but it is

still One. Many of us use different words to describe a sky

but regardless of those different points of view it is still

the same sky… Or, it is like the different images and faces

reflected in a mirror. The mirror is still a mirror and it is

not influenced by all those different reflections. A human

can be called by different names but it is still the same

person. Our Mother is the same person even if we call

her Mom, someone calls her sister, daughter, aunty... So,

please look for the essence of this book. I am sure that

you will enjoy reading it if you do.


Author and publisher: Oliver Shiflish

Tharlam Guest House, Kathmandu, Nepal

Szendro utca 18a Budapest, 1123 Hungary

Tel, viber, whatsApp: +36 30 6631663

email: fiucskam@gmail.com

Copyright © 2016. All rights reserved with the author.

ISBN: 978-615-80683-2-1

ISBN: 978-615-80683-3-8 epub

Library of Congress Control Number: 20164010202

Typography, artwork and cover:

Pál Schilling


Cover for the Norwegian version painted by

Pushpa Magar, Boudhanath, Kathmandu, Nepal.

Printed and bound by:

cmyk Press Kft.

Kastély utca 12. Inárcs, 2365 Hungary


+36 70 316 69 98



1. WHY DID I WRITE THIS BOOK? ................... 1







FOR POSITIVE CHANGE? ....................... 33

7. WHAT TO DO? HOW TO PROCEED? .............. 41



THE PATH & PERSONAL STORIES ............... 59


BEFORE I FINISH ............................. 91

11. CONCLUSION. ............................... 95

BIBLIOGRAPHY ................................. 99

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. ......................... 103






were just a few of the myriad of questions that were flying

around in my mind as I prematurely left my first meeting

with Oliver.

Please allow me to give a little background information

at this point. I am an Englishman having 62 years of life

experience. I have lived and worked in Hungary for more

than 20 years as an English teacher, proof-reader and

business skills trainer. Furthermore I have been gifted

with a wonderful Hungarian wife and three beautiful

young children. I have a 12 year old son and 9 year old

twins, one son and one daughter.

One day, about 5 months ago, my wife asked me to take

my daughter to a birthday party, to which she had been

invited by one of her classmates. The venue was a ’wallclimbing’

club here in Budapest. I reluctantly agreed to

do it, as the thought of spending 3 hours with a group of

9 year old girls and their mothers was not my idea of an

ideal programme for a Saturday afternoon.

When we arrived my worst fears were realised, indeed the

children had been accompanied by their mothers, apart

from one, the father of the girl hosting the party had also

attended. Please do not get me wrong, my reluctance was

not due to my dislike of females or children, rather to my

inability to communicate in the Hungarian language. As

it turned out both the hosting girl’s mother and father


were Croatian diplomats working in their embassy in

Budapest and thus their English was at quite a high level.

The party got underway and quite soon the father and

I found ourselves left alone. He asked me if I could play

”Csocso”(table football) and having responded in the

affirmative we spent the next hour playing and chatting

about everything and nothing, Later the children joined in

and it turned out to be a very enjoyable experience.

Now back to the issue at hand. A few days later my wife

recieved an e-mail from the girl’s mother asking if I would

be prepared to help a friend of hers by proofreading a

book that he was going to publish. I agreed and so the

’die was cast’.

Oliver and I arranged to meet, for 2 hours, in the coffee

shop of the office building in which I work every morning.

An office building which, although it is occupied my

several multi-national companies, I find a tranquil oasis

amid the hustle and bustle usually found in any capital

city in the world. So, after my usual very pleasant lesson

with my student, I opened the door to the coffee shop at

the appointed time 9:30.

Due to the fact that it was during peak office hours it

was virtually empty. There was one person sitting there

who I felt sure could not be the person I had come to

meet. However this ’bear’ of a man stood up with arms

outstretched and said ”John!” greeting me like a long lost

friend. I started to feel a little uncomfortable because of

my ’englishness’. He suggested that we sit next to each

other so as we could both see what was displayed on


his beaten up notebook and the ’scribblings’ on various

pieces of paper. Was this really an author of a book? He

was enthusiastic about the few suggestions that I made,

however I was not sure what his mission was. I very politely

drank my cappucino and made my excuses, falsely to my

shame, as to why I had to leave after only 30 minutes of

our scheduled 2 hour meeting. He totally accepted the

situation and we agreed that he would send a few pages

of his manuscript for me to peruse the following day.

As I walked away shell-shocked and bemused from this

emotional and enthusiastic ’tsunami’ of a man I thought,

apart from the questions that I stated at the beginning,

”That was a lucky escape”.

On my way home I had the opportunity to reflect on what

had happened and a small light was turned on!

The following day, as promised, the pages arrived and I

started to ’do my job’. As I read, the realisation of what

this was all about hit me like a ton of bricks! Here was a

man who was pouring out his heart and soul for all to see.

Over the following weeks Oliver and I met several times

to discuss my changes to his manuscript and, surprisingly

for me, sometimes just to meet either in my local or his

home and enjoy each others company. Initially I had ’fear’

of this man because he was different and challenged my

sensebilities, however since I have got to know him he

has become a friend.

As he himself says, you can treat this book in several

ways. I myself would say that whilst I do not agree with all


the reasons he gives for us having the underlying fears,

probably because I have never experienced them, I whole

heartedly agree that we should embrace them and see

the love within them.

So to answer the questions I was asking myself at the


”WHAT CAN I SAY?”……I can say that now I am starting to

get the message.

”WHAT JUST HAPPENED?”……I probably just met one of

the most honest, caring, loving and understanding people

that I have ever met in my life.


and willing to accept the possibiliy that something new

does not have to be feared.

In conclusion I would say that when you pick up this book

and start to read, please finish it, whether it takes a few

hours, weeks or months, before you pass judgement. As I

said before I do not agree with everything that Oliver says

but I believe in his underlying message.

Make of this book, as I also did with Oliver, what you will.

John P. Child




If you wish to embark on a wonderful personal journey

towards Enlightenment you are holding the right book

my friend. Whether you are a novice to the path of

Enlightenment, or you have already started your journey,

this book will offer you guidance and hopefully the

right decisions as to how to face your fears which will

undoubtedly hinder your progress towards fulfillment.

So, please be ready to be open minded when reading

this book as that is the very first step in helping you to

unblock the fear of embarking on your path towards


My journey started on the day I met Oliver. At the

time I needed some outside help dealing with an issue

surrounding my former business partner. Without

knowing much about me, Oliver immediately offered his

full support to help deal with my problem. We gradually

became friends. That is when Oliver started to open up

more about his path while at the same time he made

every effort to pass on the teachings and wisdom of his


Like our friendship, Oliver’s teachings have gradually

grown on me and my views on life in general have

widened tremendously. His Master’s teachings have

certainly helped me to embrace my new path and at

the same time deal with my day to day issues whether

personal or business related. For the past eight years our

friendship has endured and further strengthened, though

sometimes the road has been a bit rocky (no doubt due


to some clashing of egos).Given that we are both part of

the cinema community, on many occasions I have had

the opportunity to accompany Oliver on business trips

throughout Europe where the never-ending teachings

continued and I wasn’t always the only recipient. Oliver’s

relentless resilience cannot rest, and thus he continues

to reach out to any willing listeners no matter what the

current location and situation is. Of course, these journeys

are just as beneficial to him as they are to us,listeners/

learners. While we gain new knowledge, wisdom and help

Oliver gains new friendships and the comforting thought

that his contributions to the world help to bring humanity

one step closer to Enlightenment.

Zoltan Furedi, filmmaker






My dear readers! I am always asking myself: why did I

decide to write this book?

Well...there are a couple of reasons.

The first is that one day I was sitting in my office in

Budapest, typing a complicated e-mail in Hungarian

concerning some dispute over DVD sales. Suddenly

something stopped me and made me grab a piece of

paper from the desk. I started to write in English about

fear; actually “contemplating on fear“. Those were the

first words I wrote on that piece of paper, and I wrote

another four and a half pages in total. It was the core of

this book.

Please, don’t misunderstand me! Of course this moment

didn’t spring from nothing. Let me explain with an

example... It is like when you see a young shoot of let’s

say corn, pop out of the ground. It didn’t come from

nothing. It might have been there, under the ground, for

a long time in a form of a seed but with the help of the

sun, water, and minerals, it finally manifested as a plant.

It is the same case with my four and a half pages... The

Seed of Knowledge was planted into me by my Root

Master, Tanpai lama Rinpoche in 2008. Actually, the seed

of knowledge was a technique to access the Universal

Knowledge. We often don’t know how to access it – like

the radio waves, we are surrounded by them but need a

radio in order to tune in to their frequency.


At this time Master introduced me to the technique of

finding the frequency for Universal Knowledge… This

process is still ongoing today and has been nourished

by His selfless, devoted teachings and kept warm by

His enormous and endless loving compassion. Yes,

the Knowledge from my Root Master, the knowledge I

received from my Sangha 1 , the Knowledge from other

Masters, the knowledge from my friends, the knowledge

from ordinary people, the knowledge nature gave me,

knowledge from the insects, the teaching I received from

animals, from poor people, from the rich, from scholars,

from unlettered ones – The Universal Knowledge helped

this book to its manifestation and thus to be in your

hands right now.

The second reason is that in my life, I guess just like all

of you, I have witnessed the sufferings of many people.

As a result of those sufferings, people lived unhappy

lives and died prematurely, their minds, souls and

bodies overtaken by fear. I have seen that fear emerges

wherever ignorance (in other words – lack of knowledge,

or insufficient knowledge) is present. I realized that the

only tool, the only antidote that we have at our disposal

for ignorance is Knowledge.

By elevating our level of realization we reduce the level

of fear, and happiness emerges more and more. It is like

learning a foreign language; you have less conflict as you

1 Sangha is a word in Pali and Sanskrit meaning “association”,

“assembly,” “company” or “community” and most commonly refers

in Buddhism to the monastic community of ordained Buddhist

monks or nuns. (Wikipedia)


start to enjoy your visit to another country that uses it.

Nowadays, the whole world is learning to speak a new

language, and they relax when they are better able to

communicate in that language.

Here is another example. As you advance in your driving,

skiing or even cooking skills, you enjoy doing it more and


So, I want all of you to be able to ski like Ingemar Stenmark

or Bode Miller (or any of the best skiers in the world at the

moment you read this book…), drive like Louis Hamilton

or Dale Earnhardt, play tennis like Jimmy Connors or

Roger Federer, cook like Jamie Oliver or my Mom...and to

enjoy it to the full!





Yes, as I am quite sure as you already know, we

inherit traces of our fear from our mother, father, our

grandparents, from all of our ancestors. But our first

major fear is in fact created when, after spending nine

months undisturbed in the womb, we are squeezed out

through a narrow tunnel.

After those nine months of tranquility and safety, we are

shocked by the hours of struggle between life and death.

We absorb the enormous fear our mother has for our

life... and what a relief, what a great happiness it is when

we finally exit the tunnel. We are so relieved that we start

to cry!

Happiness from survival in this moment has a lasting

effect. Later, sub-consciously, we don’t want to remember

the fear and trembling we went through. So, we decide

to leave the fear of death behind us and celebrate

the “escape”. In so doing, we fall into the biggest trap

of all: turning away from death, not accepting it, not

acknowledging the inevitable... It means we carry an

invisible ball and chain throughout our lives; it is always

with us.

On very rare occasions we may feel that there is something

wrong.... an extra burden of some sort, though we don’t

know exactly what it is, and this burden affects every

aspect of our lives.


We are not aware that the root of all our negative actions

is a strong, subconscious reaction to the fear of death,

and we are trying to

escape, to get loose from it, but it is not letting go; so the

more we worry, the unhappier we are, the more we try to

run away, the stronger its grip becomes.

Here is one example: Can you imagine a father sending his

newly born son, his first child, to live the first seven years

of his life with the boy’s grandparents, in a faraway city? He

himself spends those seven years living in the family house

with an adopted son whom he doesn’t like at all. Well, that

adopted son was me.

I know it all started with my mother’s fear of living alone after

she divorced my father... Subconsciously she was compelled

to “hunt” for a new husband. Nothing else mattered. All the

women from my mother’s neighborhood made a vow: don’t

you worry, we will find you a husband!

Now, at that time I was eleven and my mother acted almost

like I didn’t exist. I was given food and shelter and that was

it. Hunting down a husband was her top priority. Finally, they

found Lazar: a tall and very handsome guy, whom women

adored, and who had never wanted to get married in his life.

But my mother was “smarter”, and she tricked him by getting

pregnant. And that’s how my beautiful brother was born –

an adorable baby, I was so happy to have him in my life.

There was a thirteen year difference between us, so he was

almost like a son to me... But we were together for only a

couple of months before he was sent to a faraway city to his


grandparents. Just imagine the suffering my brother went

through in those seven years, seeing his parents and his

brother only on rare weekends, and then, farewell.

Later, when he was telling me about those days, he said

that as we left in the car on Sunday afternoons he would

run after it, really believing that he could catch up with an

accelerating vehicle.

Seven years went by and my brother started elementary

school; finally he was reunited with his mother and

father. In the meantime I got into a fight with my

stepfather and left home, so it was just the three of

them. Years passed and my brother grew up and became

a famous gynecologist-laparoscopic surgeon, but was

never happy… always full of tension and a look of lacking

something written over his face. He got married, had two

sons. Then suddenly, in his thirty-seventh year... Cancer...

One operation... then another one... a total of six over

a period of two years. There came a moment, two or

three weeks after his second operation when he felt able

to open up for the first time, and began to speak about

the seven years with his grandparents; then later, about

his years at elementary school. He said his father never

praised him, never congratulated him, never patted his

shoulder in acknowledgement.

Today, for me, the explanation of this is easy. My brother’s

father never wanted to have a child, so he refused to

accept him. He refused to accept something that was

forced on him. My brother lived his whole life expecting

to get some gesture of recognition, a word to save him, a


hug to comfort him. But it never came. Furthermore that

made him ill, so ill that eventually he died, prematurely,

never having had real enjoyment from life.

I say that my brother was determined to die young even

before he was born. It was THE FEAR of our mother, the

fear of remaining helpless in solitude, ultimately the fear

of death that produced all his suffering. She wanted only

to “save” herself, not caring about anything else. Actually,

what she wanted was a simple thing. She wanted to

remarry after a divorce. It seems the most natural thing

to do, and yes it is natural, but in this case my mother let

her fear possess her... fear took over the command, and

love along with loving compassion were pushed away. It

was the cause of all the suffering of my brother, and also

others in our family – my brother’s two sons, my nephews,

who witnessed the early death of their father. And so the

trail of fear continues.

By going back in time I realized that the initial fear for my

mother started much earlier. In the Second World War,

at the age of 10, our mother was sent to be a housemaid,

hundreds of kilometers away from home. Her father got

rid of both her and her two brothers, because he couldn’t

feed all seven children during the war. When my mother

spoke of those days, she remembered being forced to

work so hard that she asked for death to come so that

she could eventually rest.

Fortunately, her physical will to live was stronger and she

survived the war. But the fear was deeply embedded in

her mind from this point – fear of being alone at age 10


made her desperate to hunt for a new husband later on.

This is how far I can trace the root of fear that was the cause

of my brother’s unhappy life and premature death. You are

right to think – somebody has to stop this trail of suffering!

Yes! I agree. The only question is: who must do it? And


But before I explain that, please acknowledge that

I am not blaming my mother or my stepfather for any

wrongdoing... Not at all! They were doing the best that

they could at the time. But fear and ignorance were

blocking their clear, natural view.

So never blame our parents, we have to give them all the

respect we can, because we wouldn’t be here if we hadn’t

had them. However, we can and should condemn their


So, we love and respect our parents, and we will do

until our last breath, but we condemn their negative

actions and omissions.

Yes! The next step in stopping the trail of suffering is

to identify who should take charge and how? Who is

responsible? Actually, the answer is simple...It is ourselves

and nobody else! If we rely on somebody else to help us,

they can only distract us for a short period of time before

the fear comes back again. It is embedded in our minds

and we are the only ones who can yield control over our

minds. Yes, we can receive instructions, seek the recipe or

the right technique from an outside source – but we are


the ones who have to execute it. It is left for us to come to

a realization, an understanding, and then work on it.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no

one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”


And now I will tell you how to do it.

We have to start by observing and analyzing ourselves in

order to find the source of fear; to find who or what is giving

existence to it, and then gradually work on dissolving it.

We condemn the misbehaviors and negative actions of our

parents and ancestors, but at the same time we accept them

because we understand that at that moment they thought

they were doing the best they could. Unfortunately in their

ignorance 2 (“Ignorance” may be offensive, so I will use another

expression – “lack of knowledge”), our parents let fear direct

and steer them. Become aware of that, and realize that you

still carry their negative actions. Recognize that you are the

only one who has a chance to stop the trail of negativity! Make

a decision, and become an observer of your mind, thoughts,

speech and actions and do it with full awareness. Surround

yourself with mirrors, watch yourself with cameras from every

angle and become a “hunter” for negative thoughts.

Be aware that our negative thoughts are the result of

our own self-protection against fear.

We have to develop the ability to foresee what

2 ignorance: the state or fact of being ignorant: lack of knowledge,

education, or awareness ( Merriam-Webster )


consequences our actions would have. We have to act

cautiously, alert ourselves whenever we see a potential

hazard, and correct ourselves.

Here I will give you an example how I corrected myself.

Still a long way to go but there are concrete results

already. When I was younger, being a Gemini in astrology,

I believed that I was able to help every person whom I

met (thanks to God, I retain this belief!). So, I promised my

unconditional help to everybody who asked, and many

times I even offered it to those who didn’t ask.

But, I didn’t take one thing into account! That the day

consists of only 24 hours, and the time needed to fulfill all

my promises required at least 36. And what happened? I

left many, many people – including my close friends and

family – waiting for the help that I had promised. This

caused suffering to them for reasons which I was not

aware of at that time and this ignorance continued for

tens of years while I made more and more people suffer,

blinded by my “optimism”. I didn’t notice how serious the

consequences were. Only a couple of years ago, I started

observing myself with full awareness and it was then that

I realized the effect of my omissions, of my failures to

act. Observation with full awareness, before we do or say

something, bears us its fruits. In almost all religions you

hear this warning: you can cause happiness or suffering

– joy or pain – with your thoughts, with your words, with

your actions and with your omissions.


So, we can cause happiness or suffering to ourselves

and to others with:

1. our thoughts

2. our words

3. our actions

4. our omissions (failures to act)

Before we say or do something there is a thought.

Therefore the most important thing is to focus on our


Forget about words, actions and omissions and

concentrate on observing your thoughts. In fact, become

a hunter for the negative ones. As soon as you see one

emerge just push it back and replace it with a positive

one and only then utter a word or do something. Every

time you succeed in replacing a negative thought with

a positive one, collect a white pebble. Every time you

don’t, collect a black one. You will see as the days pass by,

the daily pile of white pebbles will be bigger and bigger,

and the daily pile of the black ones smaller and smaller.

After a while, even just a couple of days, you will feel the

connection between a bigger pile of white pebbles and

increased happiness.



All negative actions – like anger, worry, doubt, despair,

anxiety, jealousy, grasping, craving, and hatred – have

their root in fear, and ultimately in the fear of death.

Imagine a tree, where all the branches represent different

kinds of fears: one is a fear of losing a job, another is

losing a partner, losing a parent, fear of running out of

money, fear of becoming sick, fear of losing a home, fear

of being crippled in an accident, fear of being the victim of

an assault, fear of being robbed, or even the simple fear

of what will happen tomorrow.

All these branches gain their nourishment from the trunk

which extends all the way to the root of the tree. And at

the deepest root of this tree, we find the main source of

all our fears: the fear of death.

So, what’s there to be done? Should we cut off the

branches? If we do, new ones will grow, just like weeds

coming back again and again. It will only temporarily

solve the problem.

No, we have to get to the root of all problems, to the

root of all weeds, to the root of all fears – to remove, to

eradicate the root of our tree of fears. No matter what

tool you use – a spade, a shovel, an axe – it is only when

we have approached the tree, and are close to it, that we

can see that there is a thick, solid, stable wall around the

tree trunk, and this would prove to be unbreakable.


In fact, the tree is surrounded by a wall of ignorance.

And it is this that we must break through, by finding the

right method, the right antidote. Just as in using the right

antibiotic we may swiftly overcome the infection. Or by

using the appropriate stain remover we may get rid of a

stain. Or by using a proper wrench we are able to loosen

a seized screw. We must find the right tool to pull down

this wall of ignorance.

I feel that you already know the answer… Yes! The right

and the only antidote is THE KNOWLEDGE.

We learned early in our life that by pressing a switch on

the wall, there would be light in the room; or by striking a

match against a matchbox, there would be a flame; or by

turning the pedals, our bicycle would move. By learning

and accumulating knowledge, we see that wall of ignorance

slowly diminish, and we are able to start cutting, uprooting

the tree, the root of all our sufferings. In so doing we

witness our happiness as more stable than ever before.

Here is another example from my life with wider

implications than the previous one (much wider).

I am a film-producer and distributor of films in Hungary

and in the last twenty years I have presented over 300 films

in cinemas. At one Cannes Film Festival, I bought the right

to distribute a film called “Intervention Divine” made by a

Palestinian director. While I was preparing to distribute the

film in cinemas, I received a phone call from my friend who

was the head of another film distribution house. He asked

me if I was not afraid to distribute the film in Hungary.


I was surprised to hear this because we had similar taste

in films – we often bid for the same ones. I replied that I

didn’t see any reason not to distribute it, and carried on

with necessary preparations for a release.

A couple of days later came another call, this time from a

man involved in film circuits but with much more “weight”

with respect to religious commentary. He was the brother

of the main Rabbi (at that time) of Budapest. Over the

phone, he emphasized to me the same concerns as my


Instead of answering straight away, I asked him if I could

come over and we would talk about it face to face. He gladly

accepted and I printed out a list of all the territories in the

world where Intervention Divine was being released. If I

remember correctly, it was 65 countries, including Israel.

I went over to his apartment. I showed him the list.

After a pause, he told me with deep sadness that most

of the second generation Jews after the Holocaust, react

strongly to anything that might be interpreted as being

against Jewish people. I was glad that he was able to

speak so frankly, but at the same time sad....sad because

attitudes like this initiate division between those who

feel the right to be afraid and possible attackers. Most

people are blinded by fear and thus they don’t see that

their reactions create division... They don’t realize that

this division brings suspicion... suspicion brings hatred...

hatred brings anger.... anger brings incidents... incidents

lead to conflicts.... and there is no end to it.


There is no end to the building up of negative energies.

They result in forced, premature death... constant

suffering... disaster... catastrophe... war.

On the other side, purging the negative energies that fear

evokes has a definite end, which is PEACE... FREEDOM...


So, how to get rid of negative energies? By building up our

positive energies? Well, not quite. Why is this?

Positive energy is our nature. It is our essence. We

should call it by its real name: LOVE. The only thing

we need to do is get rid of fear, and our nature will

start to shine automatically. Just clean off the mud

that has adhered to our “golden hearts “and it will

shine again.

As babies we were born with golden hearts, but with age

negative influence from our surroundings clings to us.

Mud layers accumulate around our hearts, concealing it

in such a way that we forget that we have a golden heart,

that we have a heart full of love, made of love.

But in removing the mud our heart will shine as it did in

our childhood… it will shine and bring happiness to us

and to others.

Here is an example from my life to support this thought.


The other day a young man asked me how he would know

which path was best for him. I said: you can choose from

two possibilities... so imagine yourself in two different

situations. One is a comfortable, pleasant situation, full of

love, where you feel good...(you can do the same as you are

reading this). The other is a situation where you are arguing

or even fighting with somebody... So, one is calm, full of

ease, and the other is pressurized with negative tensions.

Do you have both situations in your mind? If you have

them, examine what led to the pleasant situation and

what led to the unpleasant one. Of course you will come

up with the answer: “I felt happy when I was able to put

away all my worries, anxieties all my negative emotions,

open my heart and act naturally, without fear... Happiness

emerged... Maybe it didn’t last long but it showed up and

we enjoyed it”.

So, of you, of the young man, I ask… what is the conclusion?

Whenever you are tense, evoke your happy moments

and remember what made you and your loved ones feel

relaxed, calm... Yes, the key for choosing the right path

is putting the fear away, so practice it all the time.For a

start, remember this advice when you “catch“yourself

feeling tense, or constrained (or even better, just before

you fall into a negative state). In the beginning you may

succeed only once in ten or twenty times, but eventually

you will have more and more success turning negative

situations into a positive ones. Later on in this book I will

explain in detail how to effect this transformation from

negative to positive.


These days, many people ask me for help. I spoke to my

unhappy neighbor a couple of times and since then his

life has moved in a positive direction. He then asked me to

help his older sister because she is seeing a psychiatrist.

I went to the city of Pécs and met Nicoletta, an elegant

lady in her late thirties but full of tension. Three years

ago she inherited approximately 200,000 Euros and still

has it in her account (that’s a lot of money in Hungary! Or

anywhere!). She is a personal assistant to one of the best

doctors in the region. She has a big apartment, but no

peace of mind, no inner harmony.

We spoke for just an hour and a half and she told me that

since she lost her father three years ago she has never

been sure of making the right decision in anything. She

said: I never know whether my father would approve

of what I do. I told her, well what do you think that your

father would say if he saw you like this... broken down...

indecisive... would he like that? She replied that no, he

would be unhappy to see her in such a state.

I asked her to imagine that she was standing on a bus,

holding a pole. The pole allowed her to stand still despite

the breakings and turns made by the vehicle. If someone

took away that pole, the way her father was taken from

her, you wouldn’t know what to do. The pole was your

savior from fear, and now it’s not there anymore. You

tumble, you clutch at the air, you are thrown all around.

But you don’t realize that you just have to stop searching

for that pole. Take the empty seat in front of you or see

another pole that is in front of your nose. You don’t


know to do this, because nobody thought to give you

instruction… your parents didn’t teach you to make your

own decisions... I say it again: they are not to blame!

It is their lack of knowledge that caused your lack of


Nature is the best teacher. Just watch the mother hen...

when the chicks are small she always opens up her wings

to cover and protect them... but when they grow bigger,

if they run towards her for shelter, she just knocks them

back with her beak. She is teaching them to make their

own decisions. She is teaching them to be independent

and fend for themselves. I told this story to Nikoletta and

asked her to call me back the following week.

Well, next week came and went and she didn’t call, but

I heard from her younger brother that she was fine and

taking no more pills. It may be construed as a gift that

she was able to make this decision on her own, without

feeling the need to tell anyone. Thanks God that she did

it, however if she had been brave enough to express

gratitude, it would have enabled her to reach higher

levels of happiness. At the end of this book I shall share

my reflections on this subject again.






So, fear resides in us for many reasons. But let’s put it in

some simple sentences.

Fear is in us, it dwells in us, because we didn’t receive

proper teaching. It will haunt us until we receive the

correct teaching: understand it, accept it and start

acting according to what we understand.

Simple as that!

So, let’s talk about some reasons why fear takes hold:

In the western world, the most common reason is

that our parents divorced as we were growing up.

They perhaps had misunderstandings, quarrels and

maybe even fights. They were more concerned with

their own relationship and, as such, didn’t have time

to give proper preparation and instruction for the

road called LIFE to us in our formative years.

In other words, they did not have the time, energy, and

concentration to teach us how to catch a fish. In the

teaching of Jesus Christ, if you give somebody a fish you

will feed him for one meal and he will be hungry again

tomorrow; but if you teach him how to catch a fish he will

never be hungry again.

There is a nice word in Hungarian which is fitting for the

right instructions for life. It is ÚTRAVALÓ... útravalo are


the food and drink given to us in our childhood, in most

cases by our parents, when we are going on a long trip.

In most cases our mother puts it in our backpack or in

our bag. It loosely translates as provisions, but especially

from parents. In the case of having divorced parents we

receive our daily meals, but nobody gives us provisions

for the road called LIFE.

Though divorce is a prevalent reason for fear to take hold

in the western world, it takes place in other parts of the

world as well. In Nepal I have seen many cases where a

couple did not officially divorce, but the husband found

a so called “second wife “(this is a socially acceptable

institution in Nepal). So the children of the official wife

are left behind. Whether it’s an official or an unofficial

divorce, a child often does not get the proper “útravalo”.

– The other reason for fear to be embedded is if we lost

one or both of our parents during childhood... or we

might have been born without one or even both parents.

These are two reasons that are clear and easy to

recognize. But in my life I have met people who suffered

due to other, more opaque, reasons that prevented their

parents from giving instructions for life.


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