CCChat-Magazine_5

CCChat 

what is the 

Custard Effect? 

The Magazine on Coercive Control 

January 2018 

Issue 5 

Introducing a new discussion column 

CCCourt Report 

in this issue: Dr Laura Monk Lisa Aronson-Fontes,PhD 

frank mullane yenni kwok sophia cooke polly neate 

Dr Jane monckton Smith 

Who is WHo in 2018? 

An A-Z of Who to Follow 

CONFERENCE ON COERCIVE CONTROL 

2018, Gloucester 

making The invisible Visible

Contents 

Editor's Notes 

4 A new Year with lots to do 

Lisa Aronson-Fontes, phD 

6 Recovery after a controlling 

relationship 

CCChat news 

12 If you enjoy ccchat and would like 

to be part of Its growth, 

Dr Jane Monckton Smith 

16 ccchat talks to jane in the 

run up to an exciting launch. 

CCCourt Report 

18 a new discussion group with a 

difference 

who's who 

20 an a-z of who to 

follow in 2018 

losing the plot and custard? 

30 continuing the theme of making the 

invisible visible 

2018 is the Year For Making The Invisible Visible

Contents 

Dr laura monk 

20 we talk to laura on what she is 

working on and her thoughts on 

coercive control. 

polly neate 

38 a few questions with the chief 

executive of shelter 

abuse talk/online book club 

40 we catch up with author and host 

jennifer gilmore on the latest. 

frank mullane 

46 we talk to the ceo of aafda in the 

run up to the next conference 

yenni kwok 

51 the hong king based journalist 

on women's rights in asia 

sophia cooke 

54 catching up with what happened 

after sophia released her blog 

DART reference tool 

46 for further info: 

www.janems.blog or App store. 


Editor's Notes 

ABOUT THE EDITOR: 

Min Grob started Conference 

on Coercive Control in June 

2015 following a relationship 

that was coercive and 

controlling. 

Since then, there have been 

three national conferences, 

various speaking 

engagements and a monthly 

online publication- CCChat 

Magazine. 

2018 will see the start of 

CCChat Live Discussion 

Groups as well as details of 

the next Conference on 

Coercive Control which will 

be a dual venue event to be 

held in Bristol and 

Gloucester. 

Min is particularly 

interested in how 

perpetrator tactics can be 

identified and has spoken on 

the challenging subject of 

differentiating between 

strident discourse and 

deliberate baiting. 

With the use of examples 

from social media, various 

covert tactics aimed at 

provoking a response can be 

identified with the aim of 

creating greater awareness 

of how abuse manifests when 

it is invisible in plain sight. 

Min also talks on coercive 

control both her personal 

experiences and more 

generally. 

Let's grow the 

conversation! 

Editor contact details: 

contact@coercivecontrol.co. 

uk 

Photo by Alex Kilbee of 

https://www.museportraits.co 

.uk/ 

First things first 

happy new year!! 

A New Year 

and Lots To Do 

This year, much like the start of any year, sees me on a 

detox. new year, new body. it's not all about appearances 

though, it is about performing at optimum level, reducing 

stress and functioning better even as the big Five- o has 

been and gone and the body no longer defies gravity, there's 

no excuse to ignore self care, after all, how can i possibly 

age disgracefully if it all goes to pot too soon? 

This is the year of getting closer to the truth by taking a 

step back. it has become apparent that when emotions run 

high and feelings are strong, it can be difficult to see the 

wood for the trees so, creating some distance and looking at 

something with fresh eyes, should help in gaining better 

understanding and greater insight. 

last year, as many of you following me on social media will 

have discovered, was about raising awareness of coercive 

control by bringing various red flags to the attention of the 

public. red flags there were a-plenty. this year we will be 

looking deeper into identifying the various ways in which 

perpetrators manage to turn the tables by creating a lot of 

noise to distract from what it is they are actually doing. Am 

sure the sparks will be flying from the dissenters' corner. 

it is the year of Making The invisible Visible and i, for one, am 

really excited so sit tight, fasten your seatbelts because 

2018 is going to be phenomenal! 

wishing you all the best for 2018!! 

Min 

Making The Invisible Visible 2018

Lisa Aronson-Fontes, 

PhD, has a doctorate 

in counseling 

psychology and has 

worked in the areas of 

child abuse, violence 

against women, 

challenging family 

issues, and crosscultural 

research for 

over 25 years. 

Recovery After a Controlling 

Relationship 

From fear and despair towards "happy" after a 

coercive control relationship 

Lisa Aronson-Fontes, PhD 

I 

t 

takes a long time to recover from an 

abusive and controlling relationship. Being 

monitored, isolated, stalked and abused 

leave their mark. 

Below are suggestions for people who have 

left a relationship of Coercive Control. 

People who are still in such a relationship should seek help 

from a domestic violence advocate, even if there is no 

physical violence. But beyond the break-up—before they can 

feel completely well again—victims/survivors need to focus 

on recovering. 

A professor, 

researcher, and 

popular conference 

speaker, she teaches at 

the University of 

Massachusetts 

Amherst. 

Dr. Fontes is the 

author of Invisible 

Chains: 

Overcoming 

Coercive Control in 

Your Intimate 

Relationship as well 

as the professional 

resources Child 

Abuse and Culture 

and Interviewing 

across Cultures 

More info: 

www.lisafontes.com. 

I’ve organized these suggested activities under the 

acronym RECOVERY: 

Reclaiming activities that had been blocked by the abuser. 

For instance, Sharon’s partner did not want her to go on walks 

alone. After separating, she felt a wave of liberation every 

time she laced up her walking shoes. 

Embodying. Being kind to one's body by becoming physically 

active and eating well helps a person feel better all around. In 

a controlling relationship, many people become alienated 

from their physical selves. For instance, Pat had no choice 

about when to engage in sex nor about what food to prepare 

for the family. Walking, yoga, dancing, lifting weights, 

stretching, bopping to the radio—all these can help survivors 

feel their vitality again. 

Connecting with family, friends, and supportive 

professionals. Abusers deliberately separate their victims 

from others. Reconnecting with their social circle helps 

survivors regain support and a sense of themselves. Abby's 

husband made it diicult for her to visit her parents and 

complained every time she was on the phone with friends. 

Over time, she grew more and more dependent on him for all 

her social contact and her self-esteem plummeted. After their 

separation, Abby discovered that her loved ones were eager 

to spend time with her again. Psychotherapists also provide 

important support for survivors and help them face the 

challenges ahead. To be efective with survivors, therapists 

must understand the concept of coercive control—which is 

still a new idea to many. 


Organizing time and physical space can 

help a person feel less overwhelmed. After 

Katrina moved out with her children, all the 

possessions she had been able to grab were 

in plastic bags and she despaired of ever 

feeling "normal" again. Arranging her 

belongings into labeled boxes in her shelter 

room helped her feel more settled. She 

noticed that her children responded 

positively to a more orderly living space, 

too. A daily routine also helps organize 

one's emotional life. 

Verbalizing. Sharing the true story of the 

relationship—in ways that feel right—can 

be empowering. Some survivors start by 

keeping a diary where they can be honest 

with themselves. Then they speak with 

selected friends and family who they know 

will be supportive. Telling one's true story 

helps survivors cope with their feelings and 

may also have positive practical efects. For 

instance, when Carla explained her home 

situation, her boss became much irmer 

about denying her ex access to the 

workplace and not giving him any 

information over the phone regarding 

Carla's whereabouts. 

Expressing oneself creatively. Dancing. 

Drawing. Gardening. Singing. Many victims 

shut down creatively during the Coercive 

Control relationship, busily attending to 

their partner’s every demand. Releasing 

one's creative side can be a step on the 

path to recovery. When her abusive 

relationship ended, Chris began drawing 

cartoons and then repainted her apartment 

with vibrant colors. She loved choosing the 

paint herself and—room by room—as she 

wielded the roller she felt as if she was 

covering over bad memories and reclaiming 

the space as "hers" in a new way. 

Remembering. Some survivors compile a 

list of the controlling incidents that they 

experienced. The list helps them appreciate 

what they’ve been through and realize their 

own strength. They can take pride in the 

courage they showed, and look forward to 

a full life as a free person. Greg kept a list 

on his computer. He added to it as he 

remembered abusive incidents. 


After a few months he printed and read the 

list and began to appreciate how 

completely he had been subject to his 

partner's control. Reviewing the list 

fortiied his gratitude for being free and his 

determination not to allow himself to fall 

back into the relationship again. 

You. Survivors need to learn to put 

themselves at the center of their lives. 

After structuring their time around the 

abusers' demands, it can be diicult for 

survivors even to remember their own 

opinions and wishes. Abusers convince their 

victims that their opinions are stupid and 

wrong, leading victims to change the way 

they view themselves and the world. Stark 

(2007) has referred to this elimination of a 

victim's perspective in a coercive control 

relationship as "perspecticide." 

It is usually best for survivors to separate 

themselves as much as possible from the 

controlling person and his contacts, so they 

cannot be controlled or monitored through 

someone else. (Of course, this will take a 

diferent kind of planning if they share 

young children). 

Survivors can look forward to a fulilling life 

after ending a Coercive Control 

relationship. Recovery does not happen 

overnight but with time--it does happen. 

“Survivors often hear the abuser's critical voice in their 

heads. It is important to learn to replace that voice 

with a kind one.” 

Survivors often hear the abuser's critical 

voice in their heads. It is important to learn 

to replace that voice with a kind one. 

When Maria inally persuaded her boyfriend 

to move out, at irst she felt lost without 

him. She felt as if she wasn't herself and 

couldn't remember how she had once lived 

without her boyfriend's constant demands 

and preence. 

Over time, she rediscovered her own 

opinions and began to re-engage in hobbies 

that she had once loved. She began to 

enjoy spending time by herself and with 

friends and family, without having to check 

constantly for her boyfriend's approval. 

It is natural for survivors to feel fear and 

regret from time to time. Looking ahead 

will give them hope. 

For more information about 

Coercive Control: 

Fontes, L. A. (2015). Invisible Chains: 

Overcoming Coercive Control in Your 

Intimate Relationship 

Stark, E. (2007). Coercive Control: 

How Men Entrap Women in Personal 

Life. 


CCChat talks to: 

Lisa Aronson-Fontes,PhD 

L 

isa 

Aronson-Fontes, PhD is a Senior Lecturer at the University of 

Massachusetts Amherst, author of numerous publications including: 

Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate 

Relationship, Interviewing Clients Across Cultures, and Child Abuse & 

Culture: Working with Diverse Families and a keynote speaker. 

“We still need massive education for popular audiences and professionals. A 

lot of women are calling their abusive partners "narcissists" rather than 

abusers, and then try to work around the abusive behavior.” 

Lisa Aronson- Fontes, PhD 

Q: In your time, looking at and educating on coercive control , what would 

you say has been the most profound change you have seen in the underlying 

of it? 

The passage of laws criminalizing Coercive and Controlling Behaviors in the UK is a 

thrill. While the implementation is imperfect, it does serve as a model for the rest of 

the world and we can only hope our own countries will follow the lead of the UK. 

Undoubtedly, the exact wording of these laws and the training of police, judges, 

advocates, psychotherapists and others will improve over time. Perhaps as a result 

of the laws in the UK and all the publicity surrounding them in popular media, finally 

the concept of coercive control is becoming better known in other countries, too. 

In the U.S., women's magazines and newspapers have begun to use the term 

"coercive control," mostly in regard to a few high profile cases such as Dirty John 

Q: What do you think still needs to be done and how might that be achieved? 

We still need massive education for popular audiences and professionals. A lot of 

women are calling their abusive partners "narcissists" rather than abusers, and then 

try to work around the abusive behavior. I think the concept of "coercive control' 

would be extremely liberating to them. It would help them understand their partner's 

actions as part of a deliberate pattern of control. And, of course, many victims still 

blame themselves for the state of their relationships.The gaslighting and 

perspecticide have caused them to think they are the problem and they continue to 

try to fix their relationships by doing everything in their power to avoid angering their 

abusive partners; this is exhausting and does not work. 


Because they do not understand coercive 

control, many police officers, lawyers, 

judges, advocates and therapists roll their 

eyes and blame abused women rather than 

offering them concrete help and protection. 

Professional training programs should 

include material on coercive control as a 

required part of their coursework. And we 

need to educate children and teens about 

healthy relationships that involve the joining 

of two free people. 

Teaching them about breakups is important, 

too. "Yes, some day you will probably be in a 

relationship where your heart will feel like it is 

breaking and you will survive." 

Some shelters and domestic violence 

agencies have begun buying it by the case-- 

it is quite inexpensive and readable 

compared to other books. I want to do 

whatever I can to get the word out about CC, 

and I so appreciate the work of CCChat 

Magazine in this regard! 

Q: Is there a message you’d like to share 

for 2018? 

With the power of the #MeToo movement, 

maybe this will be the year when significant 

changes occur in terms of women's status in 

the working world and the home. I hope we 

will make progress in terms of sexual 

violence. 

So my message is: "Stay strong, speak up, 

and reach out to someone who is isolated by 

their partner." 

“My message is: "Stay strong, speak up, and reach out to 

someone who is isolated by their partner." ” 

Lisa Aronson-Fontes, PhD 

Perhaps this could help stave off the oftenfatal 

violence that some abusers inflict when 

they fear the end of a relationship will be 

unbearable. 

Q: Is there going to be a follow up book to 

Invisible Chains? 

Invisible Chains was just published in 

Japanese. I am translating it into Spanish 

and looking for a Spanish language 

publisher. 

I am working on articles on coercive control 

in Urdu and Farsi. I would love to see 

information about coercive control reach the 

four corners of the earth because although 

there are variations across cultures, I have 

yet to see a culture where a certain number 

of women (and some men) were not being 

abusively controlled by their partners. 

I am open to doing another book on coercive 

control--I have some ideas. But first, I'd like 

to see Invisible Chains get into the hands of 

more readers. 

Further information: 

www.lisafontes.com 

More information on: 

Dirty John 

http://www.latimes.com/local/california/ 

la-me-ln-coercivecontrol-20171011-story.html 

"The Vegan Fugitive" 

https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2017/ 

03/sarma-melngailis-vegan-fugitivedefense 

Please copy and paste the above links 

into your browser. 


CCChat Magazine is now on Patreon 

If you have enjoyed reading the magazine and would like to be 

a part of developing and improving it, please consider 

becoming a patron and help create a bigger platform for 

MAKING THE INVISIBLE VISIBLE 

Please cut and paste the following into your browser to take 

you directly to the page. 

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=5609243 


New for 2018 

CCChat 

Goes Live! 

T 

he 

first set of Coercive Control Discussion Groups will be 

based in East Anglia - namely, Norwich, Ipswich, 

Cambridge and Bury St Edmunds with a national roll out 

expected later in the year. 

Making The Invisible Visible 

This discussion group will meet periodically ( frequency dependant on 

participants wishes and availability) and is open to frontline professions and 

any one working with people who may be affected by coercive control. 

The group will look at the recognition of coercive control, how it is being 

viewed and is an ideal opportunity for practioners to share experiences in 

order to gain greater understanding. 

The group is suitable for: 

Police Officers 

Lawyers 

Court Staff 

Social Workers 

Cafcass 

Teachers 

Safeguarding 

Paramedics 

Emergency Room Staff 

Probation Officers 

Victim Support 

It is not a DV forum, it is a group for interested individuals to learn and share. 

Anyone wishing to apply to the group will need to apply by email to 

contact@coercivecontrol.co.uk 

Further details coming soon. 


CCChat Talks To: 


D 

r 

Jane Mockton-Smith is a Forensic Criminologist and Senior Lecturer at the 

University of Gloucestershire specialising in homicide, coercive control and stalking 

and Director of the Centre for Learning and Innovation in Public Protection at the 

University, Chairs Domestic Homicide Reviews,, trains professionals in homicide 

threat and risk, and works with a number of . She has published a number of books 

focused on homicide, and is developer of the DART Reference Tool. 

The system is old and clunky, and cannot cope with sexual offending, 

domestic violence or cyber crime in the way it needs to in the 21st Century 


Q: In your time working in domestic violence and homicide, what would you say has been the 

most profound change? 

I think there have been many changes, the most important of which, to me, were the introduction of 

Domestic Homicide Reviews and the criminalisation of coercive and controlling behaviours. These 

changes have not had an overnight positive impact and we couldn’t really expect that, given the 

more fundamental changes needed within the criminal justice system, necessary to let these 

innovations change things. However, what I am seeing with these changes is a growing realisation 

that what we thought we knew about domestic abuse and Homicide is not quite so simple or true. 


We have still got so much to do. If I just focus on the criminal justice system for a minute. It needs 

updating and a serious overhaul. First, victims have no real voice in the system as there are only two 

parties in a trial - the State and the defendant. The Victim has no representation in the way the 

defendant does. The State is held to a different set of standards and cannot be the victim’s warrior. 

Second, the courts are designed not for victims, but for the professionals using them. Judges get far 

more protection and privacy in those buildings than victims do. And third (keeping it short!) the 

system is not coping with prosecuting offences which involve human relations or patterns of 

behaviour. The system is old and clunky, and cannot cope with sexual offending, domestic violence 

or cyber crime in the way it needs to in the 21st Century. Tradition needs to make way for 

sophistication and innovation. 

Q: Is there a message you’d like to share for 2018? 

2018 started with high profile support for ending interpersonal abuses, and abuse of power. We 

simultaneously see what appears to be a rise in anonymous online abuse and increasing intolerance 

for the voices of women in public life, and minority and ethnic groups. But for the first time voices 

against the abuse of power are louder. This could be the start of something big! 


For 2018 

WELCOME TO THE NEW 

SECTION OF CCCHAT 

CCCourtReport 


This is a new addition to CCChat Magazine. For a while, 

I have been reading Judgments and Sentencing 

Reports and have been surprised at some of the 

comments made which did not appear to recognise 

coercive control. 

This section will look at cases that have been through 

the CJS and look at instances where abuse was not 

identified and possible reasons why, including common 

misconceptions, as well as how unconscious and, in 

some cases, implicit bias may have played a part in the 

decision making. This section is by no means an attack 

on the judiciary but aims to highlight areas where a 

possible lack of understanding around the nature of 

course of conduct offences such as harassment, 

stalking and coercive control, and the ways in which 

the behaviour of both perpetrator and victims can be 

misinterpreted. 

Next month's CCChat will give details of the upcoming 

online discussion on this Judgment. 

The first case we will look at is a Court of Appeal case 

Meachan v R 

Neutral Citation N0: [2009]EWCA Crim 1701 

http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWCA/Crim/2009/ 

1701.html 

The appellant is appealing his conviction on the grounds of 

having new evidence. On 2nd Aug 2002, X met appellant with 

both eventually taking a taxi to X's house .where X had no 

recollection of the events that followed. The next morning X 

woke up to a lot of pain and considerable blood loss. A 

subsequent examination revealed extensive bruising of the 

peri-anal area and acute splitting of the anal canal extending 

into the rectum. The injury was so severe, it was deemed 

necessary to fit X with a colostomy bag. The appellant 

maintained that they had both drunk half a cup of GHB , a 

date rape drug, which he had obtained. The appellant said X 

was a willing participant. The Appeal looked at further 

evidence on pain perception. 

It is a distressing case. I had originally wanted to look at the 

Andrew Luster trial and the reaction of his mother. This is the 

great grandson of Max Factor who originally received a 

sentence of 124 years for drugging and raping three women 

as it was not a UK case, decided against. 

It is still worth reading the appeal for the position taken by 

the mother who refuses to accept her son's guilt. 

https://cases.justia.com/california/court-of-appeal-2ndappellate-district/B228748.PDF?ts=1396114239 

If there is a case of interest which can be looked at, in 

order to widen understanding of the dynamics of abuse, 

please get in touch on: 

contact@coercivecontrol.co.uk 

Please note that only judgements published and available 

in the public domain will be featured . 


Who To Follow in 2018 

A-Z of Who's Who in 

the Domestic Abuse 

Sector 

B Sam Billingham 

Sam founded SODA in 2009. Her own 

experiences of domestic abuse, led her to 

create a secret community where men and 

women who experienced and survived domestic 

abuse could support and guide one another as 

they escaped their abusive relationships and 

embraced their new lives. 

Today, SODA operates a variety of projects and 

services to raise awareness of domestic abuse 

and offer vital services for the partners of 

perpetrators. 

Award Winner Inspirational Woman UK 2017 

A is for Alison Boydell 

Alison Boydell works as an Independent Sexual 

Violence Advocate (ISVA) for a Rape Crisis 

centre. She is involved in End Online Misogyny, 

which highlights online violence against women 

and also co-founded JURIES (Jurors 

Understanding Rape is Essential Standard) with 

the late Jill Saward. 

JURIES campaigns for juries in sexual offences 

trials to be briefed about the realities of rape to 

counter widely held rape myths and 

stereotypes. 



A-Z of Who's Who in the 

Domestic Abuse Sector 

E is Maggie Evans, PhD 

A Research Fellow in domestic violence and abuse 

at the University of Bristol, specialising in 

qualitative narrative studies ( the EOS study). 

http://www.bris.ac.uk/social-communitymedicine/people/maggie-a-evans/overview.html 

C is Christine Ashton 

Christine is an IDVA, ISVA YPVA, author,trainer 

and consultant for the Freedom Programme 

and other domestic violence and abuse 

services and provides bespoke domestic abuse 

training throughout the UK and Ireland. 

D is Deborah Simpson 

Deborah Simpson is the Chair of the Medway 

Domestic Abuse Forum . 

More on Deborah soon. 

F is for Frank Mullane 

Frank Mullane is the CEO of AAFDA, Home 

Oice appointed reader of Domestic Homicide 

Reviews and member of national panel quality 

assuring these reviews. 

https://aafda.org.uk 



I is for IWMM 

IWMM ( I Want My Mummy) is a not for profit 

organisation whose goal is to ensure that 

survivors of abuse transition through each stage 

with clarity and support, filling a gap between 

services already provided for by established 

agencies. 

Founded by Zoe Dronfield 

G is Graham Goulden 

www.iwmm.net 

Graham Goulden is a former police officer and is 

a Director at Cultivating Minds UK. 

Find him at @Graham_vru 

More on Graham soon. 

H is Chris Hemmings 

Chris is a freelance journalist and author of 'Be 

A Man' which is available on Amazon both as a 

paperback and as an ebook. 

He is on Twitter as @Hemmch 

More on Chris soon. 



L is Lisa Aronson-Fontes, PhD 

Lisa is the author of: 

Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive 

Control in Your Intimate Relationship. 

More about Lisa in this issue of CCChat 

or look at her website: 

J is Dr Jane Monckton Smith 

www.lisafontes.com 

A Forensic Criminologist and Senior Lecturer in 

Criminology at the University of Gloucestershire 

specialising in homicide, coercive control and 

stalking as well as Director of the Centre for 

Learning and Innovation in Public Protection at 

the University, Jane chairs Domestic Homicide 

Reviews, trains professionals in homicide threat 

and risk, and works with a number of stalking, 

domestic abuse and homicide charities. She has 

published a number of books focused on 

homicide, and is developer of the DART project, 

available as an APP. 

K is Simon Kerss 

Simon is a lecturer in Criminology at 

Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge. 

He was previously the DSAV 

partnership manager for 

Cambridgeshire County Council. 

More on Simon soon 



O is Only Dads/ Only Mums 

Only Mums is Rebecca Giraud and Only 

Dads is Bob Greig. Together they are The 

Family Law Panel - a national network of 

experts dedicated to supporting families 

by empowering them to make the best 

choices in the legal process. 

M is Clare Murphy, PhD 

www.thefamilylawpanel.org 

www.onlymums.org 

www.onlydads.org 

Clare Murphy, PhD set up 

www.speakaloud.net. in 2009 to support 

victims of coercive control and 

psychological abuse. Clare is also a 

specialist counsellor and trains and 

educates on psychological abuse and 

coercive control. Clare resides in Brisbane, 

Queensland, Australia. 

N is for Nazir Afzal, OBE 

Nazir Afzal is the former Chief 

Prosecutor, newly appointed national 

advisor for violence against women, 

gender based violence, domestic abuse 

and sexual violence for Wales and Chief 

Executive of the Association of Police 

and Crime Commissioners. 



R is for Rachel Williams 

A survivor of 18 yrs of abuse, Rachel 

was shot by her estranged husband and 

weeks later, her 16yr old son took his 

life. Rachel is an Ambassador for Welsh 

WA, Threshold_Das & Pioneer for 

Safelives. 

P is for Polly Neate 

More on Rachel soon. 

Polly Neate is chief executive of Shelter. 

She started out as a journalist in the 

late1980s before moving on to Action For 

Children as their director of public affairs 

and communications. 

In 2013, Polly left the children's charity to 

become chief executive of Women's Aid 

and in 2017, she became the chief 

executive at Shelter 

Felicity Gerry QC 

Felicity Gerry QC is an international QC with 

chambers in London, Leeds and Australia. and 

has been recognised in the Legal 500 as “well 

respected for national and international 

appellate issues” and “Fearless and 

independent minded” and in Chambers and 

Partners as “a vastly experienced advocate 

noted for her experience in serious sexual 

cases, homicides and frauds”. 

She was Legal Personality of the Year for 2016 



U is for A Call To Men UK 

A Call to Men UK is committed to ending 

male violence against women and girls. 

http://acalltomenuk.org.uk/ 

S is Professor Evan Stark 

Professor Evan Stark is a forensic social worker, 

author of Coercive Control (Oxford, 2007) and a 

lecturer who has taught at Yale and Rutgers 

University and held appointments at the 

University of Essex, Bristol University and the 

University of Edinburgh. Professor Stark's 

award-winning book was the original source of 

the coercive control model when the Home 

Office widened the definition of domestic 

violence and he played a major role in the 

consultation that led to the drafting of the new 

offence. 

T is for Tracey McMahon 

Tracey McMahon is the founder of the SHE Project 

-an enterprise dedicated to providing holistic 

support and practical advice for men and women 

who are, or have been, engaged in the criminal 

justice system.Tracey is also an active voice in 

ofender habilitation, as she likes to call it, having 

served a suspended sentence & a short-lived period 

of homelessness, 

Tracey has researched and highlighted how 

habilitation is lacking in society.She is a contributor 

to Criminal Law & Justice Weekly, World Medical 

Times and is the author of “View From an Ofender” 

series at UK Criminal Law Blog. 



X is for TenderUK 

To EDUCATE young people about violence 

and abuse perpetrated in relationships 

To EXPOSE attitudes that condone and 

conceal domestic and sexual violence 

V is Dame Vera Baird 

To ENABLE young people to seek support 

and access services if they, or someone 

they know, is experiencing abuse 

http://tender.org.uk 

Dame Vera Baird DBE QC is a British 

politician, barrister, and academic. 

She is currently the Northumbria Police and 

Crime Commissioner while serving as a 

Visiting Professor of Legal Practice at 

Newcastle. 

W is Katy Jon Went 

Katy is a bibliophile, logophile, xenoglossophile, 

cibophile, oenophile, porphyrophile, asexual 

erotophile obviously also a philhellene philophile! 

Katy also raises awareness of domestic abuse in 

LGBTQ relationships. 

www.katyjon.com 

Editor's note: Katy, I hope non of those are rude. I 

didn't have the energy to look them all up. 


Y is Yenni Kwok 

Yenni is a Hong Kong-based journalist 

whose works have been published in 

various media outlets such as Time 

Magazine, the New York Times, the 

Guardian and CNN. 

She is personally interested in writing 

about women’s rights and 

empowerment. 

Z is Zoe Dronield 

Zoe Dronield was the victim of a 

horriic attack by her ex-partner. It later 

came to light that she was his 14th 

victim, but she had no idea of his violent 

past when she met him. Zoe now 

campaigns for greater protection for all 

from domestic abuse and stalking, 

including the setting up of a national 

stalker register. Zoe is the founder of 

IWMM. 


THOSE WHO PLOT 

SO OTHERS LOSE THE PLOT 

“He engineered my reactions. It was only at 

the end that I realised how much .” 

Making the invisible visible consists of looking at 

how an abuser works, how they think and how 

they devise their tactics to scheme with 

maleficence. 

The obvious example is, of course, the downright 

lie or the indirect omission. Then there are 

spreading rumours, gaslighting, denial, crazy 

making, deflecting, stonewalling and a whole host 

of subtle yet corrosive ways of undermining that 

involve learning a large array of new vocabulary. 

Many of the tactics rely on the victim reacting in a 

negative way to *prove* to onlookers that there is 

something to hide or something wrong, to put a 

victim on the defensive and then put them on the 

spot. 

Telling an embarrassing story. 

This may be a true story or it may be a downright 

lie. The intention is to make the audience believe 

it is real and to create maximum embarrasment. 

Any objection will be dismissed as the victim 

overreacting, lacking a sense of humour etc. 

This tactic is also used to silence ( If you don't be 

quiet, I'll embarass you further) or to provoke an 

angry response ( See? I told you she was mad, 

has an anger problem,is irrational etc) 

Example 1: " We were at a dinner party and he 

told everyone this story about how we were 

thrown out of a club because I gave him a blow 

job. It wasn't true but he carried on with his fake 

story so that everyone laughed. I was completely 

humiliated." 

Example 2: " I was having a bath and he came 

into the bathroom to argue about money. I didn't 

agree with what he said so he opened the 

bathroom window and shouted out, ' No, you don't 

ned sex every day.' The neighbour was in the 

garden and would have heard every word. I didn't 

say another word after that." 

Engineering a row before going out. 

Example 1: " We were invited out to a evening 

recital. A lot of his friends were going to be there 

and, for some reason, he had never introduced 

me to them, even though we had been married 3 

years. He started criticising me in the morning 

and, by the afternoon, we had reached the fullblown 

rowing stage. I decided I wasn't going to go 

but an hour before we were supposed to leave, he 

pleaded with me to accompany him and, 

reluctantly, I went. When we got there he acted as 

though nothing had happened and put on this 

show of being attentive and loving and kept trying 

to kiss me in front of everyone. I became really 

angry. I was pissed off that he had spent a whole 

day decimating me and could just forget about it 

whereas I was still shaking and swollen from all 

the crying." 

Controllers who seek to isolate want others to 

believe that their partner is mentally ill, irrational, 

erratic etc, and will often create a situation where 

the victim comes off badly. If a victim comes 

across as hostile or sullen or unreasonable, the 

sympathy will shift to the abuser. This is often 

employed by abusers to get sympathy from family 

members. 


Example 3: "A friend of his had died and a few of 

his ex conquests were going to be at the funeral. 

On the drive there, he talked non stop about these 

flings, what they did together and he wondered 

what they were doing now, telling me how much 

fun he used to have when he was with them. The 

implication was that he did not have fun with me. I 

became insecure and needy and it turned into a 

row. 

He stopped the car and asked me to get out, 

telling me that his friend had just died and I was 

behaving like a jealous bitch, when HE was 

feeling distraught. I felt guilty so put his behaviour 

down to grief. At the funeral he took on this 

completely different persona, he was loud and 

boisterous and kept disappearing off to hug 

women or he would call someone over, referring 

to them as 'my love' but not me. It took a while to 

realise he was deliberately making me jealous as 

he wanted his female friends to think I felt 

threatened by them." 

Example 4: I had just given birth and he was 

working at an exhibition. I was exhausted and in 

pain with mastitis but he insisted I bring the baby 

to the exhibition. When I got there, he took the 

baby out of my arms and walked off. After an hour 

he came back, kissed me on the forehead and 

said "thank you for letting me introduce my baby 

to everyone." If I hadn't been so exhausted, his 

behaviour would have started an argument. 

They find certain trigger words. 

They will repeat certain words when demeaning 

so the words start to have a negative association. 

They then drop the word in public just to get a 

reaction. 

They will deliberately attribute a wrong 

memory. Often it will be an intimate memory. 

Example 5: 'You always used to ask me to get you 

a poached egg sandwich after sex.' 

That was someone else. 

'No, it was you, when you lived in that basement 

flat in Maida Vale.' 

No, still not me. 

They tell other people 

This is often seen with online mobbing gangs and 

with cliques in schools or in the workplace. The 

abusive person bullies by encouraging other 

people to join in the teasing. It does not take long 

for the teasing to get out of hand and turn into a 

vicious roasting. 


They deliberately keep doing things they know 

cause upset. 

This may be something irritating like deliberately 

leaving dirty clothes in front of the laundry basket, 

or it might be something more. 

Example: "I work from home so clients come to 

the house and they can use the downstairs 

cloakroom. Whenever a client was due to arrive, 

he would disappear for a bowel movement and 

then *forget* to flush. It was a grotesque act of 

marking his territoty." 

Example: " We always had more powercuts when 

he was home. When that happened, the alarm 

would not go off and I would end up taking the 

children to school late and turn up to work even 

later." 

Back handed compliments: 

They talk constantly about their friends but 

you have never met them. 

They will disappear off to meet friends you have 

never met yet they know all your friends. often 

they will take great pains to make out that their 

friendship with your friends is deeper and more 

meaningful than the one you have with them. 

They may tell you that your friends have been bad 

mouthing you. That way, you distance yourself 

from your friends so he has isolated you. 

Just to keep you on your toes, there will be back 

handed compliments. If you react to them, you will 

be overreacting, making a mountain out of a 

molehill or have no sense of humour. Even if you 

don't react, it will plant a seed of doubt. 

Example 1: " She has the most perfect bum but I 

prefer yours" 

Example 2: " Your friend looks exactly like [ add 

name of super stunning person]. I could never see 

why anyone would think Supermodel X is 

goodlooking." 

They will accidentally on purpose forget 

They forget on purpose 

They will accidentally on purpose forget to walk 

the dog, change the nappy, pick up the dry 

cleaning, take the souffle out of the oven. Little 

acts of deliberate sabotage which can be pased of 

as accidents but are really intended to undermine 

and infuriate. They will also often resort to 

gaslighting to claim you never asked them to do 

the thing you asked of them. 

Example: " He did not want me to go out in the 

evening, but I had to go out for work. It was very 

dark and foggy and normally the gate is always 

kept open. On this occasion, he had closed and 

locked the gates so that when I reversed out into 

the lane, I would drive straight into the gates. I 

ended up not going out, just like he wanted. 

Example 3: " I like your face, it looks lived in. I 

don't mean that as an insult but as a 

compliment." 

MORE NEXT MONTH 


Envisaging a vicious 

Custardy battle? 

Time to think of 

The Custard Efect. 

What is the custard efect? 

Many readers will remember the Brainiac 

experiment where Jon Tickle ran across a 

swimming pool full of custard. 

How was this explained? In simple terms, custard 

is a non newtonian luid (doesn't behave like 

water) and when a force is applied, there is 

resistance so, if you place your hand on the 

custard, your hand will sink, if you slap the 

custard (now theres a sentence I never thought 

I'd write!), your hand will push back. 

Resistance is met with resistance 

Without getting all sciencey, how does this 

relate to family court proceedings? 

When emotions are running high especially 

when people feel hurt, angry, betrayed,let 

down, things can quickly escalate until they get 

out of hand. Often, the breakdown of the 

relationship is a time when couples no longer 

think of the other person, their feelings and how 

the manner in which they speak, react can create 

a negative response. 

The following is an actual situation but one that 

is being replayed over and over. There is no 

history of domestic abuse, just a marriage that 

became stale over time and a spiral into a rapidly 

worsening situation. 

Him: " I fell in love with someone else and 

wanted us both to move on with our lives. I was 

worried that she might start being difficult so I 

made sure communication was brief and to the 

point. I was right, she did become awkward. She 

made excuses over contact, she started creating 

barriers between the children and my new 

partner. I could see she was trying to alienate the 

children." 

Her: " He suddenly announced he had fallen in 

love with someone else and wanted a divorce. I 

knew we hadn't been getting on but I thought it 

was just a phase - we had been together since we 

were 16. He had always been my best friend and I 

couldn't understand why he suddebly became so 

rude and distant. It really upset me. 

It was obvious he had no more feelings for me and 

he wanted to move on. I started to worry that he 

was looking to replace me as the children's 

mother. I knew from mutual friends they were in 

love and a good fit and I was terrified I would end 

up being erased from my children's life. 

Instead of talking to me, he resorted to emailing 

me curt and really quite rude emails. He no longer 

asked, he started demanding and the more he 

demanded, the more I resisted. It was going from 

bad to worse and I didn't know how to stop it. He 

really hated me." 

"The more he demanded, the more I 

resisted. " 

There we have it..... 

The Custard Effect. 



Dr Laura Monk 

Humanistic, Existential, Relational 

Counselling & Psychotherapy 

“Individuals' coercive control of women relects cultural practices 

(societal, organisational, family, etc.) that do not apply to men. ” 

Dr Laura Monk 

Q: In your time working in domestic abuse 

and maternal alienation , what would you 

say has been the most profound change? 

Without a doubt, the introduction of the 

new coercive control law in 2015 is the 

most profound change related to domestic 

abuse, which feminists since the 1980s have 

understood as a pattern of coercive control, 

and which Anne Morris, who coined 

maternal alienation, recognised as such. 

With the new legislation we now have a 

way of addressing maternal alienation and 

CPS guidelines already recognise that the 

family courts can be a platform for coercive 

control. 

Q: What are you currently working on? 

I am currently working on a paper that 

identiies the use of children in coercive 

control by perpetrators to harm children's 

mothers, especially through the intentional 

separation of mothers and their children. 

This is a form of domestic abuse that is 

speciically aimed at women as mothers, 

which capitalises on mother-blaming 

practices and structures. 

Q: What do you think still needs to be 

done and how might that be achieved? 

The application of gender neutrality to 

coercive control is unhelpful and awareness 

of the problems caused by gender neutral 

deinitions and language needs to be 

raised. 

In his seminal book on coercive control, 

Professor Evan Stark explains how the 

problem is gendered because abusive men 

exploit women's vulnerability as women, as 

mothers, and as the second sex in an 

unequal society. Individuals' coercive 

control of women relects cultural practices 

(societal, organisational, family, etc.) that 

do not apply to men. 

Speaking at conferences, Evan nearly 

always explains that stats on physical 

assaults in relationships are roughly equal - 

physical incidents between men and 

women are perpetrated at about the same 

rate - but that domestic abuse isn't about 

isolated physical incidents. It's about a 

pattern of coercive control and the 

domination of one partner over another in 

order to control, abuse, harm, intimidate 

and terrorise, which is almost exclusively 

perpetrated by men and related to the 

wider global problem of men's violence 

against women (and children). 


Q: Is there a message you’d like to share 

for 2018? 

The continued awareness-raising eforts of 

all those involved in helping the public to 

understand coercive control has been 

phenomenal. 

More and more people understand what 

coercive control means in ways that were 

just not understood before. Let's continue 

in 2018 to raise awareness and work to 

reach those individuals who are trapped in 

a web of coercive control with no idea how 

to escape their emotional and psychological 

prisons. 

There is much to be done. 

For more information: 

Dr Laura Monk MBACP ( accred) 

Humanistic, Existential, Relational 

Counselling & Psychotherapy 

Twitter: @drlauramonk 

Website: www.drlauramonk.com 



Polly Neate 

P 

olly 

Neate became Chief Executive of Shelter in 2017. 

She started out as a journalist in the late 1980s before 

becoming Director of Public Affairs and Communications 

at Action for Children. In 2013, she left the children's 

charity to become chief executive of Women's Aid. 

Q: With your experience of working in the domestic abuse sector and now, 

housing, what would you say is the most urgent issue that needs to be 

addressed ? 

The lack of housing that people on low incomes can afford to rent, the ever-widening gap 

between benefits and rents, and the destitution that results - which people are then 

stigmatised for. 

Q: How do you think that might be achieved? 

Short term, unfreeze Housing Benefit immediately. Long term, build more homes that 

people with low incomes can afford, including a renaissance in public housing. 

Q: How is Shelter planning to raise awareness of poor housing or 

homelessness in 2018? 

That would be telling! But rest assured we will be determined to do it. 

Q: I know you’re a keen cyclist. How else do you unwind after a hectic day? 

To be honest, I’m quite a relaxed person. Nothing keeps me awake other than my arthritis. 

But cycling helps with both. I like chatting to family and friends too. 

Q: Hot chocolate or green smoothie? 

Diet Coke. 


Let’s not be afraid of social justice. Short-term, lives are at risk and that demands action. 

Longer-term, we would all benefit. 


Abuse Chat /Book Club 

Jennifer Gilmore ills us in 

J 

ennifer 

Gilmore is an author, mum and the host of 

Abuse Chat a weekly Twitter chat which focuses on 

domestic abuse and also hosts an online book club with 

a diference - all the books are on domestic abuse. 

I came across ‘In Sheep’s Clothing’ when I was reading an article online, my cousin had 

shared it and it interested me. I instantly had to buy the book, not only because of the 

content but also because there was a fox on the cover. If you don’t know my love for foxes 

already and what they mean then find out via ‘The Fox Stories’ blog series which is free to 

read. 

I knew I was meant to read this book because of the subject on ‘Understanding and 

Dealing with Manipulative People’. It is written by George K. Simon Ph.D. and was 

released in 2010, it has been updated since then. 

A bit about the book: Dr. George Simon knows how people push your buttons. Your 

children–especially teens–are expert at it, as is your mate. A co-worker may quietly 

undermine your efforts while professing to be helpful, or your boss may prey on your 

weaknesses. 

Manipulative people have two goals: to win and to look good doing it. Often those they 

abuse are only vaguely aware of what is happening to them. 

In this eye-opening book, you’ll also discover… 

- 4 reasons why victims have a hard time leaving abusive relationships 

- Power tactics manipulators use to push their own agendas and justify their behavior 

- Ways to redefine the rules of engagement between you and an abuser 

- How to spot potential weaknesses in your character that can set you up for manipulation. 

- 12 tools for personal empowerment to help you maintain greater strength in all 

relationships 


I started reading In Sheep’s Clothing on 

Kindle. I found I had to be in the right 

mindset to read this book because of my 

previous experiences of domestic abuse. I am 

happy to say it did help me but it was also 

challenging and upsetting as it made me 

recognise the behaviour just as the book 

promised. I had accepted I was a victim and 

had been abused years ago now but it still 

opened me up to the realisation of certain 

behaviour traits of my abuser, I hadn’t seen 

just how much work they put in to 

manipulating to get what they want. 

It was interesting because many people have 

often and still ask ‘how did you end up in this 

situation?’, ‘but you’re not thick’, ‘how could 

this happen to you?’ and ‘you’re an 

intelligent woman- didn’t you see it 

coming?’. 

This book shows just how much padding 

work it takes to be that abusive manipulative 

person. I knew when the relationship had 

ended that I had to unknit the world he had 

created for me. It has taken years to build my 

confidence and self esteem back up, taught 

myself how to ignore his covert threats and 

manipulation. 

In Sheep’s Clothing happens to come into my 

life at the right time and has been essential to 

me recognising that I am again not the only 

one subjected to this behaviour but also that 

I have the power to not be subjected to it and 

believe in myself, my thoughts and my own 

decisions. I recommend the read to anyone 

who is still struggling with their abuser even 

after an abusive relationship has ended, 

something we shouldn’t have to be subjected 

to. 

It will help you focus and not be miss 

directed to think that you are what they label 

you because it is completely wrong and all 

about the power they want to hold over you. 

If you check out the reviews its amazing how 

its helped so many put the situation into 

perspective and not only help with a current 

situation but recognising those people in 

general. 

‘In Sheep’s Clothing’ 

is available on Amazon in paperback or 

Kindle. 


Happy New Year from #AbuseTalk!!! 

Over at @AbuseChat we had a festive break for 

2 weeks. This is the only time we will be taking 

of in the year. Back up and running so do come 

over and get involved, every Wednesday 8-9pm 

GMT on Twitter. 

The irst night back it only felt right to talk 

about the New Year, our own goals, our 

experiences of New Year (perhaps in an abusive 

relationship and if we could change one thing in 

the domestic abuse sector in 2018 what you 

would change. It was an interested and mixed 

discussion on the 10th January, it was also 

enlightening as well. 

Take a look at a few of the tweets on the image 

which gives you a taste of what we get up to. 

Anyone can get involved with the discussions, all 

you have to do is sign into Twitter on the 

dedicated time and tweet with the #AbuseTalk. 

The account @AbuseChat will retweet and be 

involved in the conversation. If you have any 

articles, blog posts, thoughts, feelings on 

domestic abuse then this is a space were you can 

express it. 

Don’t know what a Twitter Chat is? 

“A Twitter chat is a public Twitter 

conversation around one unique 

hashtag. This hashtag allows you to 

follow the discussion and participate 

in it. Twitter chats are usually 

recurring and on speciic topics to 

regularly connect people with these 

interests.” 

https://www.socialmediaexaminer.co 

m/twitter-chat- 


In Sheep's Clothing 

‘Understanding and Dealing with 

Manipulative People’. 

by George K. Simon Ph.D. 


Frank Mullane is the CEO of Advocacy After Fatal Domestic Abuse 

(AAFDA) 

He helped ensure Domestic Homicide Reviews (DHRs) became law and 

continues to work closely with the Home Oice to enhance the 

methodology. Frank is a Home Oice appointed reader (provides 

assessments of DHRs to the panel) as well as a Home Oice accredited 

Chair for DHRs and trains others to undertake them. 

He co-authored a book “Domestic Abuse, Homicide and Gender: strategies 

for policy and practice”and has contributed to other books. 

He is an Honorary Fellow of the University of Gloucestershire (outstanding 

work on domestic violence and homicide). 

Frank’s sister Julia and nephew William Pemberton were murdered in 

2003. 



Frank Mullane 

CEO, AAFDA 

“What needs to happen is that the status of victims and the 

families left behind after homicide needs to be raised” 

Frank Mullane 

Q: In your time working with families 

bereaved through homicide, what would 

you say has been the most profound 

change? 

The introduction of victim impact 

statements was useful. We have also seen 

the appointment of a chief coroner, 

statutory domestic homicide reviews, the 

Crown Prosecution Service engaging with 

victim’s families, and the appointment of a 

victims’ commissioner nationally and for 

London. Of these, the most profound has 

been domestic homicide reviews although 

they have a long way to go before looking 

like the reviews I want them to be. But the 

most profound feeling is that there hasn’t 

been enough change! In cases of domestic 

homicide, victim’s families sufer a similar 

lack of status and power to the victims 

themselves, and institutions often consider 

their perspective and agenda to be superior 

or more well-informed than the victim’s. So 

despite signiicant improvements in the last 

few years to the way victims’ families are 

treated after homicide, and the sensitive 

and caring attitude of many professionals 

who treat them with the respect and 

inclusiveness they deserve, their needs are 

still not intrinsically a part of many criminal 

justice and other state processes. 

And the outcome for many victims and 

families is a status gap between them and 

those employed to carry out these 

processes. As Professor Armour said 

“violent death is considered a public issue 

where the need for justice takes 

precedence over the needs of homicide 

families.” (Armour 2002) 

Q: What do you think still needs to be 

done and how might that be achieved? 

Not all agencies commissioning services 

understand what families’ needs are after 

domestic homicide. Families consistently 

say that they need to know facts of the 

case and to witness and/or be a part of 

change. They need proper advocacy for this 

but this is rarely recognised. This does not 

have to be a lawyer. Lay advocates who are 

expert and specialist can do this. This is 

what we do in AAFDA and we have walked 

in similar shoes to the people we are 

helping. What needs to happen is that the 

status of victims and the families left 

behind after homicide needs to be raised. 

They need to be treated as important and 

key stakeholders and to be treated as such. 

But the reality is that they are often not 

treated this way. Without specialist and 

expert advocacy the families will not get 

appropriate status. For example, in 

domestic homicide reviews, families are 


Q: Is there a message you’d like to 

share for 2018? 

Let’s create a victims’ justice system 

to replace the criminal justice system. 

Let’s agree principles and attributes 

that must inform every part of the 

victim justice system process and 

then change those parts of the 

process which do not embody these 

principles and attributes. In short, 

let’s seriously raise the status of 

victims. 

For more information: 

Advocacy After Fatal Domestic 

Abuse 

www.aafda.org.uk 

Twitter: @FMullaneAAFDA 


AAFDA Annual 

Conference 2018 

Illuminate the past to make the future safer. 

Raising the status both of victims of domestic abuse 

and their families 

Date: 22 March 2018 

Location: DoubleTree by Hilton 

Swindon, Lydiard Fields, Great Western 

Way, Swindon, Wilts SN5 8UZ, 

Times: Registration / Coffee 8.45 to 

9.30. Conference starts 9.30 and ends at 

4.30 

Cost: £175. Early bird price of £145 if 

booking by 20 January 2018. 

Refreshments and lunch included. 

Free parking 

The hotel will offer a conference 

room rate at £79 for single 

occupancy. 

The code to obtain this rate is GAAFDA. 

DoubleTree by Hilton Swindon, Lydiard 

Fields, Great Western Way, Swindon, 

Wilts SN5 8UZ, Phone: 01793 410928 

To take advantage of the Early Bird 

rate paste the link into browser: 

https://aafda_conference_2018.eventbrit 

e.co.uk 

Keynote speaker: 

Professor Neil Websdale 

Speakers: 

Dr. Jane Monckton Smith 

Professor Gene Feder 

Catherine Hinwood 

Christian Papaleontiou 

Frank Mullane 

Other speakers including 

from the Ministry of Justice 

to be confirmed 


KEYNOTE SPEAKER 

Professor Neil Websdale 

A world authority on reviews after 

domestic homicide and a key driver of 

the death review movement around the 

world including in England. 

Neil is the Director of the Family 

Violence Institute at Northern Arizona 

University and Director of the National 

Domestic Violence Fatality Review 

Initiative (NDVFRI). 

He has published work on domestic 

violence, the history of crime, policing, 

social change, and public policy. A 

number of families bereaved by 

domestic homicide. 

Christian Papaleontiou 

Head of Public Protection Unit, Home 

Oice and Chair of Domestic 

Homicide Review Quality Assurance 

Panel 

Frank Mullane 

CEO of AAFDA, Home Oice 

appointed reader of Domestic 

Homicide Reviews and member of 

national panel quality assuring these 

reviews. 

AAFDA Annual Conference 22nd March 2018 

List of Speakers & Bios 

Dr. Jane Monckton Smith 

Forensic Criminologist. “Impeccable” 

was how Evan Stark called her 

scholarship. 

Professor Gene Feder 

Professor of primary health care, 

NIHR School for Primary Care 

Research, University of Bristol. 

Architect of IRIS and practising GP, 

discussing domestic abuse and the 

role of Health. 

Catherine Hinwood 

Deputy Director, Victim and Witness 

Policy, Family and Criminal Justice 

Other speakers including from the 

Ministry of Justice to be conirmed 

To take advantage of the Early Bird 

rate, please copy and paste thie 

linkhttps://aafda_conference_2018.even 

tbrite.co.uk We look forward to 

seeing you there! Bio and Foto 3 MB 

DownloadOpen in Pages 

Hotel discount 

The hotel will ofer a conference 

room rate at £79 for single 

occupancy. The code to obtain this 

rate is GAAFDA. DoubleTree by Hilton 

Swindon, Lydiard Fields, Great 

Western Way, Swindon, Wilts SN5 

8UZ, 

Phone: 01793 410928 



Yenni Kwok 

Y 

enni 

Kwok is a Hong Kong-based journalist whose works have been 

published in various media outlets such as Time Magazine, the New York 

Times, the Guardian and CNN. She was born and raised in Indonesia, and is 

personally interested in writing about women’s rights and 

empowerment.She is the author of The Silence Breakers, the Women 

Warriors of Asia. 

“I learn a lot about feminism, domestic violence, abuse and 

coercive control from my interaction on social media. ” 

Yenni Kwok 

Q: In your time working as a journalist, what would you say has been the most 

profound change you’ve seen? 

The social media has been the most profound change. It is a double-edged sword, that it 

can be used to bully and silence women, but it can also amplify women's voices, including 

survivors of gender-based violence and their advocates. Before #MeToo, there were other 

online movements that provoked discussions on violence against women, such as 

#WhyIStayed and #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou. I learn a lot about feminism, domestic 

violence, abuse and coercive control from my interaction on social media. 


Whenever there is a push toward gender equality and to make a world more just to victims 

of gender-based violence and abuse, like #MeToo, we will see a pushback, and we've seen it 

in the new year. Instead of men attacking #MeToo, it's women - privileged white women 

especially, such as Catherine Deneuve and Margaret Atwood, who threatened the few little 

steps forward. 

Q: What would you like to see happen in 2018? 

Countries around the world will take a more serious step to tackle gender inequality as well 

as violence and abuse against women and children. 


Believe victims and survivors, end victim-blaming. Having courage to speak up about 

abuse unfortunately makes these women vulnerable to certain stigmas - they are seen as 

being scheming, manipulative, untrustworthy - and this creates secondary trauma, which 

according to many survivors, feels worse than the primary abuse and violence they 

suffered. 


The Silence Breakers, the 

Women Warriors of Asia 

Yenni Kwok 

A 

s 

2017 comes to a close, #MeToo has become the most defining movement of 

the year. Following the shocking revelation of sexual harassment accusations 

against powerful male predators that began in Hollywood in October, more 

and more survivors have come forward, exposing gender abuse in various 

industries – the media, academia, culinary world – and countries such as the 

UK and France. 

“When #MeToo irst went viral in mid-October, Japanese 

women were among the irst that embraced it.” 

In December, TIME Magazine chose the Silence Breakers – the majority of whom were 

women – who spoke out against sexual harassment and assault, as Person of the Year. In 

Asia, we can witness the impact of the #MeToo as well. In late November, star hurdler 

Vera Lui became the first public figure in Hong Kong who came forward with a #MeToo 

story. She wrote a Facebook post on her birthday to tell how she was sexually assaulted by 

her school’s sports coach when she was just 13 or 14. “Speaking the truth is cathartic, and is 

a transition on my part from being a victim to a survivor,” Lui wrote. “This is my birthday 

present to myself.” Her courage inspired others. 

Days later, in early December, Louisa Mak, a former Miss Hong Kong, also revealed that 

she was sexually abused when she was 17 or 18 during a delegation visit to mainland China. 

Also in December, Chinese-Taiwanese actress Sable Yu and six unnamed women accused 

Harvey Weinstein’s former Asia associate, Bey Logan, of sexual harassment. Yu, who was 

the lead actress in Logan’s unfinished movie, told online media HK01 how the Hong Kongbased 

movie executive subjected her to one humiliating misogynist treatment after 

another. 

Across the border, journalist Sophia Huang Xueqin ran a survey that revealed the sexual 

harassment problem in the Chinese media industry. In May, Japanese journalist Shiori Ito 

took a courageous step to publicly accuse a senior journalist and close friend of Prime 

Minister Shinzo Abe of raping her. While the prosecutor refused to pursue the case, Ito’s 

determination helped raise awareness. When #MeToo first went viral in mid-October, 

Japanese women were among the first that embraced it – in the first two months, there 

were around 60,000 tweets on the topic in Japan, the eighth largest reaction in the world. 

On December 17, popular Japanese blogger Ha-chun wrote a Facebook post and a 

BuzzFeed Japan article on her sexual harassment experience, kick-starting a slew of tweets 

by other survivors. In just two days, on December 17 and 18, there were an additional 

10,000 #MeToo tweets, placing Japan at No. 3 worldwide. 


While recent #MeToo headlines worldwide 

have been dominated by white female 

celebrities, it’s important to remember that 

women of color have long played a crucial 

role in campaigns against gender-based 

violence. 

The #MeToo campaign was started by black 

activist Tarana Burke a decade ago, and 

more than 15 years ago, Anita Hill testiied 

in front of all-male Senate committee that 

she was sexually harassed by Supreme 

Court Justice nominee Clarence Thomas. 

Xu’s story was a classic example of how 

survivors of sexual assault and harassment 

in mainland China encounter various 

systemic barriers to seeking justice, from 

police indiference, crackdown on activism 

to victim-blaming. 

The Facebook page, “The Power of One: 

Every Story Counts”, which ran during the 

16 Days of Activism to End Gender-Based 

Violence, from 25 November to 10 

December, shows similar systemic barriers 

also exist in Hong Kong. 

In Indonesia, victims and survivors have not 

gone to social media to expose their 

perpetrators because they can be 

prosecuted under the country’s broad and 

draconian Internet law. In addition, its antipornography 

law could land victims of 

revenge porn, not perpetrators, in jail. 

“it’s important to remember that women of color have long played 

a crucial role in campaigns against gender-based violence. ” 

Asian women have been in the forefront of 

exposing sexual misconduct in the tech 

industry, from Ellen Pao who sued Kleiner 

Perkins for sexual discrimination and 

harassment in 2012; tech entrepreneurs 

Niniane Wang, Susan Ho and Leiti Hsu who 

went public in June with sexual harassment 

allegations against venture capitalist Justin 

Caldbeck; to Malaysian tech executive 

Cheryl Yeoh who revealed in July she had 

been sexually assaulted by venture 

capitalist Dave McClure. 

As more women speak up and assert their 

rights, we can expect more backlash. In Hong 

Kong, Lui’s and Mak’s stories are greeted 

with mockery from the male-dominated 

media pundits. Chinese netizen Xu Yalu’s 

#MeToo post on messaging platform WeChat 

was viewed more than 1 million times, got 

over 17,000 likes and nearly 9,000 

comments before censors deleted it. 

In the world where survivors and victims are 

stigmatized and branded as being 

“untrustworthy”, “manipulative”, 

“revengeful” and more, it takes a lot of 

courage for them to come forward. 

Some say they do it as part of a healing 

process, some say they want to help 

protect other women. “The idioms for 

revenge are ‘report a crime’ and ‘report to 

ive families’,” writes Maxine Hong 

Kingston in her novel “The Woman 

Warrior”. 

Telling stories is an act of heroism, and in 

the new year, let’s make a resolution to 

support these heroic warriors. 

#BelieveWomen, reform the broken 

system, and change our everyday sexist, 

victim-blaming mindset. 


Sophia Cooke 

"Overall, I think things are on the up, 

which I used to believe would never be possible." 

PhD student 

Sophia Cooke 

featured in the 

November edition 

of CCChat 

magazine. she had 

recently come out 

of a very abusive 

relationship and 

her ex partner had 

subsequently sold 

his account of their 

relationship to the 

papers. 

The account I 

heard from Sophia 

was markedly 

different, 

alarmingly so. She 

released a blog 

and a voice 

recording of her 

experience of the 

relationship. 

Here Sophia writes 

about the 

aftermath to 

releasing the blog . 

R 

eleasing 

my blog was one of the scariest 

things I have ever done. I had no idea how it 

would be received and, having had the 

experience of the trial and being in the 

papers, I was not particularly hopeful. 

However, having been silenced and unfairly judged, I had to speak, 

regardless of the consequences. I wanted people to understand how 

abuse worked and what I had been through. Fortunately the reaction 

was better than I could have ever imagined and I cannot express my 

gratitude enough for the support I received. 

I have had a huge number of emails from other women who have 

suffered similar experiences, saying how much reading my blog 

helped them to understand what they had gone through, and emails 

from friends of abuse sufferers, telling me reading it helped them to 

provide better support. 

This gave me a lot more confidence and helped me to feel that at least 

something good had come out of it all. However, the feeling of being so 

let down and badly treated - by the justice system, the media, my 

institution and by individuals who didn’t understand abuse or the effect 

their judgement of me had - has continued to haunt me. 

I have felt throughout that I wanted to try and improve support for 

those who suffer domestic abuse and to work for change in the 

system. In fact, some days that was all that got me through - I needed 

to feel there was a point to everything I had gone through. 

This led me to apply to become the Graduate Women’s Officer at my 

new college at Cambridge, which I moved to in October. Unfortunately 

some aspects of the way in which my former college handled the 

situation made it much harder for me to cope with it, partly because 

they had no system in place to deal with something like this. I therefore 

decided to work on establishing a policy at my new college to support 

students who suffer domestic abuse. 

I set up a group of staff, students and external experts to look at this 

and so far it is going very well. I have also been asked to speak at 

several domestic abuse conferences around the country as well as 

training events for police and support staff which I am very excited 

about. Overall, I think things are on the up, which I used to believe 

would never be possible. 


“I still feel a lot of anger and hurt over all that happened to me, and all I am 

seeing happen to so many other women who reach out to me, but channelling 

that anger into helping and educating others does help” 

I feel certain that releasing the blog was the right 

thing to do and speaking out has helped me to 

come to terms with it all, as well as helping 

others. 

I am improving with regards to my mental health 

and beginning to get on with my work again.I used 

to be unable to be in crowded or noisy places and 

would often be reduced to hiding in various 

corners of my house with crippling anxiety. 

I still feel a lot of anger and hurt over all that 

happened to me, and all I am seeing happen to so 

many other women who reach out to me, but 

channelling that anger into helping and educating 

others does help. 

However last week I managed to go on a trip to 

New York and navigate all the crowds without a 

problem! I am still suffering flashbacks and 

nightmares but I am hoping these also settle with 

time. 

I know there are still, and will always be, people 

who don’t believe me, which is hard, but I am 

learning to be less affected by them and to focus 

on moving forward. 

To read Sophia Cooke's blog, please copy and 

paste the following link into your browser. 

https://victimscanbestrong.com

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