So I went out into the big bad world of Philadelphia still sick as a dog, feeling pain trying to sneak out, knowing full well God would do His thing with me and there was very little I could do to stop it from happening. One minute he’d help me fly higher than a kite. The next He’d throw me down like a little paper rag doll. Up and down I’d go, round and round I’d go, in a spin not understanding the world I’m in, not able to stop the merry-go-round I’m on to get off. Sure I’d tried to tell God to stop fucking around with me. I sent Him a certified, over-night letter with return signature required. “Dear God, please make my world stop spinning around? Make me a normal person!” Do you think He bothered to read it? Absolutely not! He just sent it back with a stamped, “Return to Sender” that He didn’t even bother to stamp. I guess he expected me to go with the flow and do the best I can. So I did. Manicism stops you in your tracks from feeling regret. Screw the world permeates everything you do. Fast-forward is your brave new world. Whatever happened in the past is now completely inconsequential and no longer of interest. When you’re a nutcase, nobody wants to know you. They just write you off from their list of friends and never look back to make amends or start over again when sanity returns. Once you’re branded with an X on your forehead with the words, “There’s a nutcase inside. Avoid at all costs!” Your friends become strangers and never look back. That’s probably the way it will always be until the end of time. Mental illness doesn’t get a second chance and probably never will. Don’t bother to rekindle the friends that you’ve lost. It’s just a waste of your time. I should know. I’ve been there and back.
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