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134 EVERGREEN Autumn 8.

134 EVERGREEN Autumn 8. Michael Faraday 9. Sir Henry Irving 10. George Bernard Shaw Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.” There was a person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Victorians Revealed How did you get on with those disguised 19th-century luminaries over the page? Here are their identities: 1. Queen Victoria 2. Prince Albert 3. Benjamin Disraeli 4. Alexander Graham Bell 5. Charlotte Brontë 6. Charles Darwin 7. David Livingstone (continued) A pack of Colin Carr Notelets will be sent to those readers whose contributions are published in this feature. Please send your snippets & cuttings to: “Scrapbook”, Evergreen, The Lypiatts, Lansdown Road, Cheltenham, Glos., GL50 2JA. Wooden Wisdom Autumn is a season of arboreal splendour with its leafy canopies of coppery hues. But once the leaves have fallen, when the nights draw in and the days get colder, we start to think of the other more practical use for trees, notably as firewood! This rhyme advises which wood makes the best fuel: Beech wood fires are bright and clear, If the logs are kept a year. Chestnut’s only good they say, If for long it’s laid away. Birch and fir logs burn too fast, Blaze up bright and do not last. Elm wood burns like a churchyard mould, Even the very flames are cold. Poplar makes a bitter smoke, Fills your eyes and makes you choke. Apple wood will scent your room With an incense like perfume. Oak and maple, if dry and old, Keep away the winter cold. But ash wood wet and ash wood dry, A king shall warm his slippers by. She’s Setting Sail Ella Bateman, who lives at Tettenhall, Staffordshire, wrote to us commenting on the fact that the esteemed maritime publication Lloyd’s List, is no longer going to refer to ships in the traditional way as “she”, but “it”. However, the Royal Navy has said that it will continue the time-honoured tradition.

2017 EVERGREEN 135 A replica of James Cook’s ship Endeavour off the coast of Whitby, Yorkshire. But why are ships referred to as “she”? See below. TOM RICHARDSON Ella tells us that this practice reminded her of the following cheeky verse: Why is a ship called she? A ship is called “she”because there is always a great deal of bustle around her; there is usually a gang of men about; she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her goodlooking; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly; without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her top sides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. Mother Knows Best Regular Scrapbook contributor Sue Gerrard, from St. Helens, Lancashire, has turned her thoughts to maternal wisdom. My mother taught me about irony when she said: “When you fall off your bike and break your leg don’t come running to me.” My mother taught me about genetics when she said: “You get your brains from my side of the family.” My mother taught me about herself when she said: “I wasn’t born yesterday.” My mother taught me about nature when she said: “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” My mother taught me about the universe when she said: “The world doesn’t revolve around you.” My mother taught me about cleanliness when she said: “Wipe that smile off your face.”

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