8 months ago

HAYWIRE Issue 10 Fall 2017


HAYWIRE Issue 10 Fall 2017 Road-Movies by Eli Goodman, 11a When I got onto the train today, two girls were ahead of me, who looked at the available seats and then just decided to stand. There was a section of four seats only occupied by one ruggedly dressed man in need of a shave. I decided to sit down, because I had a book I wanted to read. It’s strange because you can’t see smells. I didn’t really smell him for a while, because my hair hangs in my face a lot, so usually all I smell is myself. But at some point I got my hair out of my face a little bit, and then I smelled him. Before I had selected my seat he didn’t look too bad, just looked like a man, but to be honest those girls who decided not to sit by him had good reason. I mean, it’s kinda fucked up that women everywhere don’t trust men instinctively on sight, but that doesn’t mean the solution is forcing them to act like they’re not scared. Anyway, my penis-having body just sat there debating his smell. It wasn’t quite cigarettes and it wasn’t quite just generic poverty, but it was definitely an interesting smell that kept half of my mind occupied, the half that wasn’t already occupied by the book. I was reading some Vonnegut, and that always helps me think in a way that satisfies my mind. Well Vonnegut didn’t really introduce me to that feeling though, it was the Hitchhiker’s Guide To the Galaxy that helped me start to think like this, I forget who wrote that. My mind feels at ease when I can think of the whole universe at 6

HAYWIRE Issue 10 Fall 2017 Photos by Finnegan Wagner, 11d once. When instead of having to see earth as the most important, I can just see it all, it’s like climbing up a mental mountain and looking at the scenery below. At this point I’ve probably set up a tent on that mountain. That’s usually where I sit when I’m sitting on trains, or sitting in chairs waiting. They’re both the same though aren’t they? Trains and chairs. A train is just a device that gets you from point A to point B, and while that happens your mind can wander. And when you sit down and wait you’re getting from time A to time B and letting your mind wander while that happens. Every moment that you spend not thinking about something specific you’re in a liminal space. That’s the road-movie of life, you just travel on the open road from second to second, always starting at birth and getting to the end: death. All the shit you do on the way is what the road-movie’s gonna be about, but a road-movie where you forget to sit down and let the road take you to the next destination isn’t a road-movie at all, that’s just too much action. Road-movies are about freedom though, or at least that was the symbolism behind them originally, you go on an adventure to get to the destination which finally unlocks freedom. That’s what death is, that’s why death is at the end, because we all die, it doesn’t matter if you spend your life on trains traveling through space and/or time, it doesn’t matter if your whole life is spent on the road, it doesn’t matter if you spend your whole life not on any sort of mental road, we all get to the destination. We all die. Five minutes before you die would you care about anything? What about the day before that? What about right now? We’re all heading there, we’re all free to get there how we want. He made my train ride better, and it was nice to have him there. What more could I ask of him. The smelly man really helped me out, for the whole train ride I was able to read without anyone ever wanting to join us. I wonder what his road-movie would look like, I guess a lot of it would be sitting on trains and street corners, just cruising through life. Maybe he hasn’t achieved anything important in his whole life. 7

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