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Women Who Rock with Success- March

Women Who Rock with Success features CEO & Education Instructior Marquita Blades as our cover feature. Women Who Rock with Success is a networking-digital media platform for professional and entrepreneurial women.

So, w i th al l of th at

So, w i th al l of th at ou t of th e w ay, I ?m goi n g to sp ar e y ou a h y p er -d ef en si ve r an t abou t h ow I d on ?t n eed a m an or w an t on e. I l ove m en ! I n eed an d w an t on e. Ju st n ot i n a n eed y w ay an d bei n g i n m y 40 s h el p ed to br i n g m e to th at p l ace of p eace w h er e I can see m y sel f n eed i n g a m an w i th ou t an y of th e n eed y beh avi or s th at on ce cam e w i th i t. B el ow ar e th e l esson s I l ear n ed al on g th e d ecad es abou t l ove an d r el ati on sh i p s an d u l ti m ately w h y I am ok ay w i th w ai ti n g f or th e l ove I d eser ve: W h en y ou ?r e i n y ou r 20 s, y ou w an t som eon e w h o i s cu te. 42 T h i s d oesn ?t ap p ly to al l 20 -som eth i n gs, bu t i t w as m y (an d m y f r i en d s at th e ti m e) p er son al ex p er i en ce th at d u r i n g th at d ecad e, y ou ?r e sti l l tr y i n g to f i gu r e ou t w h o th e h eck y ou ar e. Som eti m es, u n f or tu n ately, y ou ?l l al l ow oth er s---w h eth er i t?s u n h eal th y f r i en d s, bad boy f r i en d s, or th e m ed i a---tel l y ou w h o y ou ar e. A n d i f y ou bel i eve th e ly i n g h y p e an d y ou d on ?t th i n k y ou ?r e p r etty en ou gh , sm ar t en ou gh , w or th y en ou gh , w h oever tel l s y ou th at y ou ar e, y ou ?r e so th an k f u l f or th ei r val i d ati on th at y ou settl e. O r , y ou d on ?t th i n k y ou ?r e attr acti ve, so y ou go on a m i ssi on to f i n d som eon e w h o com es i n a p r etty p ack age to p r ove th at y ou ?r e n ot as u gly as y ou th i n k y ou ar e. 20 -som eth i n gs r ead i n g th i s, l i sten : I d ated a l ot of cu ti e p i es. T h ey abou t took m y u ter u s ou t. A i m h i gh er . [T w eet "I d ated a l ot of cu ti e p i es. T h ey abou t took m y u ter u s ou t. A i m h i gh er ."] ?W h en y ou ?r e i n y ou r 30 s, y ou w an t a r el ati on sh i p .? H on estly, for m e, m y 30 s was about h ealin g f r om m y 20 s! N o joke. An d when you?r e in th e process of gettin g your ow n self (back) togeth er, it?s an act of love to do it in solitude. T h e ?br oken you? ten ds to see life ver y dif fer en tly th an th e whole you. T h at m ean s you ten d to be attr acted to dif fer en t kin ds of people too. M y last boy f r ien d was ar oun d 31. W e stopped h avin g sex when I was 32. I liked th e com for t of bein g in a r elation sh ip, but it always felt like som eth in g was m issin g. An d th er e was. I n y ou r ear ly 30 s, y ou r eal i ze y ou w an t a r el ati on sh i p . I n y ou r l ate 30 s, y ou r eal i ze y ou w an t an aw esom e r el ati on sh i p ---or n ot on e at al l . A t l east th ose of u s w h o?ve l ear n ed f r om ou r p ast com e to th i s con cl u si on . [T w eet "T h e br ok en y ou ten d s to see l i f e ver y d i f f er en tly th an th e w h ol e y ou ."] W h en y ou ?r e i n y ou r 40 s, y ou w an t som eon e w h o can f i x y ou r car . It?s f un ny but tr ue. Alth ough I ?m in m y ear ly 40 s an d I ?m sur e I ?ll h ave som e r evelation s at 50 about th is statem en t, for n ow I kn ow th is: I n your 40 s, you?ve been th er e/ don e th at m or e th an you?d like to adm it. You?ve seen th e r om an tic ch ick f licks an d h ad your f air sh ar e of tr y in g to im itate th em in r eal life. N ow you?r e m or e pr actical.

43 You sti l l w an t l ove. You sti l l d esi r e p assi on . Sh oot, I ?ve been n ot getti n g an y f or too l on g n ow to n ot ex p ect som e m i n d -bl ow i n g sex ! Bu t y ou w an t som eon e w h o com p l em en ts y ou r l i f e, w h o y ou can be h on est w i th abou t y ou r d r eam s, an d w h o w i l l r u b y ou r f eet w h en y ou ?ve been gr i n d i n g th e p ay m en t al l d ay. Som eon e w h o y ou w on ?t h ave to w or r y abou t cal l i n g A A A abou t r egar d i n g y ou r car becau se h e?s got th e sol u ti on , w h o y ou can p i l l ow tal k w i th , p r ay w i th , con qu er th e w or l d better togeth er th an ap ar t w i th . L ook s ar e a bon u s. Ch ar acter m ean s m or e. Ch ar m i n g i s n ot a p r i or i ty. B ei n g sp i r i tu al ly sol i d i s. M atu r e, p r oacti ve, i n ten ti on al . T h ese ar e th e w or d s y ou f i n d y ou r sel f u si n g w h en d escr i bi n g w h at y ou ?r e l ook i n g f or . M y 40 s h ave br ou gh t m e to th i s p l ace ? a p l ace of n ot w an ti n g th e f ai r y tal e, a p l ace of w an ti n g to be a w h ol e w om an w i th a w h ol e m ai n ar eal l ove. M y bein g 42 an d n ot m ar r ied is n ot som e r ed f lag. It?s a badge of h on or. Real talk. I w r ote a book about m y over 10 an d un der 15 sex par tn er s, an d four abor tion s in m y f ir st book I n side of M e: L esson s of L ust, L ove an d Redem ption . Alth ough I 've m ade som e m istakes, I ?ve been abstin en t for goin g on a decade n ow. To get som eth in g you?ve n ever h ad, do som eth in g you?ve n ever don e, r igh t? T h ese four decades taugh t m e som e th in gs, th at h ave m ade m e, m e. M y bein g 42 an d n ot m ar r ied is a blessin g. For m y presen t self an d m y f utur e beloved. Sam e goes for any oth er wom an who can feel m e. 42