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07042018 - Investigate your ministers

Vanguard Newspaper 07 April 2018

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30—SATURDAY Vanguard, APRIL 7, 2018<br />

‘MISCARRIAGES: O, God<br />

please not again!’<br />

Angela was 36 when she married Tony in June<br />

2009, and ready to start a family. At 48, Tony<br />

was much older but that didn’t matter because they<br />

were in love. He was loving and caring and made<br />

her feel very special. Tony was a widower. His first<br />

wife died about eight years earlier, ironically, during<br />

childbirth.<br />

Angela recounted their infertility story during a<br />

recent encounter, recalling how they had plans<br />

and looked forward to raising a big, happy family.<br />

They even chose names for their yet-to-be born<br />

children and the likely months they were to be born.<br />

If it was a boy, he would be called Anthony, while a<br />

girl would be Angelina. Read on:<br />

“I clearly remember it was in October 2009 when<br />

I thought I had become pregnant. We set to work<br />

with our baby making home work; unfortunately,<br />

things didn’t go as planned. A few weeks after we<br />

had begun our plans, I got my period, and we were<br />

a bit disappointed, but kept on going, then kept on<br />

trying the next and the next and the following<br />

months without success.<br />

After three more months of trying, I went to see<br />

my gynaecologist for some tests and all came back<br />

normal, except that I had high levels of prolactin.<br />

He put me on a drug called bromocriptine which I<br />

took religiously. Another three months went by, yet<br />

I did not get pregnant and there was no baby.<br />

In June of 2010, I remember I<br />

missed my period. It had been<br />

quite a while since that happened,<br />

and excitedly, I took a home<br />

pregnancy test. Lo and behold, it<br />

returned a positive result. I was<br />

pregnant! I was ecstatic. Tony was<br />

beyond happy! Over the next few<br />

days, he didn’t allow me to lift a<br />

finger. I wasn’t allowed to do<br />

anything. Tony did everything for<br />

me, washing, cooking and<br />

cleaning. I was treated like a baby,<br />

carried, fed and even bathed. All<br />

I did was eat and sleep.<br />

Sadly, the pregnancy wasn’t<br />

viable because I was spotting from<br />

the first day. I went back to my<br />

gynaecologist, who put me on<br />

permanent bed rest, but that<br />

pregnancy was doomed, and<br />

despite all efforts, I ended up<br />

having a miscarriage after around<br />

five weeks of pregnancy.<br />

We were devastated but<br />

encouraged each other to get over<br />

it and continued with our monthly<br />

baby making ritual. Five months<br />

later, I missed my period again and<br />

another pregnancy test turned out<br />

positive. But again, just like the<br />

last time, I began spotting from<br />

day one.<br />

O, God please, not again! I was<br />

horrified. The sad experience with<br />

the first pregnancy was still fresh<br />

in my memory and I knew right<br />

away this was not a good sign at<br />

all. To be honest, that experience<br />

had robbed me of much optimism<br />

and all of a sudden, I really wasn’t<br />

so enthusiastic about this second<br />

pregnancy. Nevertheless, I carried<br />

that pregnancy all the way to the<br />

12th week. I was permanently on<br />

bed rest, walked on eggshells and<br />

was very, very careful not to get<br />

upset.<br />

Despite my efforts, I had<br />

a second miscarriage. Once<br />

again my heart was filled<br />

with unhappiness. It was<br />

really bad. I withdrew into<br />

a shell and cried my eyes<br />

out.<br />

My third pregnancy<br />

occurred in May 2011. Like<br />

previous occasions, I<br />

missed my period after<br />

several months to trying<br />

and a quick test confirmed<br />

I was pregnant. I later got<br />

to know that this third<br />

pregnancy was what<br />

doctors call a chemical<br />

(false) pregnancy.<br />

Sure enough, two days<br />

later I got my period (the<br />

day I was supposed to get<br />

it) and it was just normal,<br />

like every month. We<br />

started trying again and<br />

exactly three months later,<br />

I found out I was pregnant<br />

again. My hope returned<br />

but we remained cautious.<br />

I was placed on 24-hour,<br />

bed rest. Alas! around the<br />

10th day, I started having<br />

some light brown spotting.<br />

In the pit of my stomach I<br />

was concerned something<br />

was wrong again.<br />

In a healthy pregnancy,<br />

the HCG levels double<br />

every 48-72 hours. Mine<br />

didn’t double fast enough.<br />

The doctor was certain I<br />

was going to lose the<br />

pregnancy. And I did. Four<br />

miscarriages in just over<br />

one year! I was utterly<br />

defeated.<br />

I started to think, for the<br />

first time, that maybe there<br />

was something wrong with<br />

me. Maybe this was more<br />

than just “bad luck.” The<br />

last miscarriage itself<br />

physically wasn’t difficult,<br />

just like a heavy period.<br />

But the emotional turmoil<br />

was devastating. It hurt so<br />

much to know that I lost<br />

my baby, yet again, but<br />

strangely, I didn’t cry. I<br />

just sat like a robot for<br />

days, not talking, eating<br />

or sleeping.<br />

There was a heavy<br />

weight bearing down in<br />

my heart and a deep,<br />

hollow feeling in the pit<br />

of my stomach. All<br />

through this period, Tony<br />

was fantastic, cuddling<br />

and comforting me. I tried<br />

to be responsive, but the<br />

burden in my heart was<br />

too heavy.<br />

The storm broke one<br />

evening about a week<br />

later. We were at home<br />

watching TV. It was a<br />

comedy feature and quite<br />

arresting. I was so<br />

engrossed I didn’t know<br />

when I burst out<br />

laughing. Tony was<br />

startled; he looked at me<br />

in concern, but<br />

immediately, began<br />

laughing too. He laughed<br />

so hard he fell off the sofa<br />

and that made me to laugh<br />

even more.<br />

Tony pulled me down on<br />

top of him and we rolled<br />

on the floor as we<br />

continued laughing. I was<br />

laughing so hard there<br />

were tears in my eyes and<br />

‘O, God<br />

preserve<br />

our baby!’<br />

Tony held me close and<br />

laughed in my face. It was<br />

a magical moment. It had<br />

been a long time since we<br />

shared such closeness. But<br />

quite unexpectedly, the<br />

laughter choked in my<br />

throat and for a moment or<br />

two I could not breathe.<br />

I felt an overwhelming<br />

sadness and despair. One<br />

moment I was laughing,<br />

the next I was weeping<br />

uncontrollably.<br />

I cannot remember how<br />

long I cried, but I slept off<br />

and woke up much later still<br />

lying on the living room<br />

floor with Tony beside me.<br />

I had a throbbing<br />

headache, but at that point<br />

I later got to<br />

know that<br />

this third<br />

pregnancy<br />

was what<br />

doctors call<br />

a chemical<br />

(false)<br />

pregnancy<br />

in time, I felt an uncontrollably<br />

strong urge to make love. The<br />

doctor had advised us to wait<br />

until after I had my next period<br />

to try again, but I couldn’t wait<br />

to get pregnant again. My wish<br />

did not come true until about two<br />

months later, I knew without a<br />

doubt that the journey to my next<br />

conception began that night.<br />

This fifth pregnancy felt<br />

completely different right from<br />

the start. It felt strong. I had<br />

very strong symptoms shortly<br />

after ovulation. The HCG levels<br />

were encouraging. It went from<br />

79 to 250 in just two days—more<br />

than triple. This pregnancy was<br />

a strong one and I went on to<br />

have a healthy baby boy in<br />

August 2012.<br />

When my son was a little over<br />

a year old, we decided to start<br />

trying again for a second child.<br />

The doctor said we could start<br />

trying to get pregnant right away,<br />

so we did. We went to the village<br />

on a vacation, which<br />

coincidentally was right around<br />

ovulation time. The last day of<br />

our vacation I felt very nauseous<br />

and threw up. This was very<br />

similar to my last pregnancy, so<br />

I excitedly told my husband.<br />

A week later, a pregnancy test<br />

confirmed my suspicions; I was<br />

pregnant again…first try! I was<br />

excited, but I couldn’t really<br />

believe it had happened so fast.<br />

I went in to get my HCG levels<br />

drawn and my first number was<br />

112, which seemed okay.<br />

However, my second number<br />

came back and it had dropped<br />

to 76. I was losing another one.<br />

I was very sad, but mostly just<br />

shocked. I hadn’t really expected<br />

to get pregnant so fast and it was<br />

gone before I even had a chance<br />

to get used to the idea.<br />

We tried again and,<br />

immediately I became pregnant<br />

again. This one also felt good. I<br />

went in the morning I got a<br />

positive test but the HCG<br />

numbers were low and quickly<br />

droppedto 7; another failure.<br />

We tried to get pregnant again<br />

and succeeded. My first HCG<br />

number was 54, the next draw<br />

was 72, doubling time 79 hours.<br />

At this point I knew it wasn’t<br />

going to work.<br />

My third draw came back—94.<br />

Not even close. It was over again,<br />

even though I had done<br />

everything right, eaten well, no<br />

stress took all the medications,<br />

exercised right, rested well,<br />

prayed fervently, I did it all, and<br />

I still lost it. It was one<br />

miscarriage too many.<br />

At this point I was just<br />

confused and angry. My body<br />

let me down again. I am not<br />

“infertile” because I have a son<br />

and I get pregnant every time I<br />

try. My problem is recurrent early<br />

trimester miscarriage. I’m<br />

grateful for the miracle of my<br />

son, but how many times do I<br />

have to go through this? How<br />

many times can I withstand the<br />

trauma? Is there really is<br />

something wrong with me? Is it<br />

fixable? My story continues.

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