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ISSUE6-NERDS

The Rise Of The Sex

The Rise Of The Sex Robots The 5 minute trial Brothels specialising in sex robots are opening up all over europe with Spain and Germany at the forefront. Experts claim they are now as good as the real thing. We thought that this was a bold claim that needed to be put to the test. And who better to dive into this particular rabbit hole than our very own, Joey Robero… Finding someone who would let Joey fuck a doll was not easy. It would have been much easier for him to find a real life lady to fuck so we weren’t off to a good start. Buying one, a decent one at least, was also not an option as prices start from £1500 and our budget was pretty much what we had in our pockets. We’re writing for Public House here, not Playboy. Although £1500 may get you a doll, this is nowhere new the top end of the ‘robot’ market. There is no top price but £30,000 would get you something special, or so we’re told. One that will smile and blink as well as numerous other facial movements. Some will even hold a conversation, have a laugh with you, tell jokes and have a hard drive installed to remember birthdays and other things you may wish them to remember. And all the advertisers love to get this bit out; they will have sex whenever and however you want. We tried a few places but no one was willing to loan us a doll even when we told them it was for journalistic purposes. We had all but given up but then we found a ‘try before you buy’ option located up North, not far from Newcastle. £50 a go - no pressure to buy. The one found was the lower end of the market at a few grand but it was clearly the best offer we were going to get. The prospect of a ten hour road trip was almost enough to put me off but Joey talked me round. When I picked him up at five in the morning, I think he wished he hadn’t. Obviously still wired from the night before with little to no sleep, Joey racked up a few lines of his favourite habit and I wondered if he was taking this seriously. But too late now, so with an ashtray full of pre-rolls we set off straight up the M11. Of course our conversation quickly turned to sex robots and we both seemed to agree that even at the low end of the market, a few grand is still a lot of money to spend on fucking an inanimate object. Let alone the top end of £30,000+ which is stupid expensive. I mean, if you’re lonely or horny, that type of cash is a great aphrodisiac for the ladies. It's also the equivalent to a shit load of prostitutes. Despite these reservations, we agreed to approach the situation with an open mind and give it a fair go. The Sat-Nav led us into an industrial site where forklifts were darting all over the place. I checked the address a few times and there was no doubt that we were at the right place. 30

PublicHouse It was the type of weather that you wouldn’t put the bins out in so I was reluctant to get out of the car, despite being stuck in the thing for the last five fucking hours. But we had come all this way so… After a sprint through the rain, we found ourselves in an old industrial unit with some high-viz wearing, hairy-arsed bloke talking us through ‘the wonders of the modern world - sex robots’, and how this is just the start. When he spurted out that we would ‘one day get to a place where we would no longer need women’ I switched off. The place was more seedy than an Eastern European whore house and I doubted there was a woman within a three mile radius. Joey chatted away, face red, nose dripping, he seemed jittery. I was not sure if it was nerves, excitement or just the nose candy. After the initial pleasantries we were taken to the back area of the unit where we were led through a door into an even seedier room that consisted of one mattress with red lace curtains wrapped over a wooden frame made from old shipping pallets. We both laughed and I tapped Joey on the back, wished him luck and got the hell out of that fucking room. facebook.com/prohibe1 031

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