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8 months ago

ISSUE6-NERDS

PublicHouse " One

PublicHouse " One question remains unanswered... ...who fucking cleans them out!?" 032 lovedoll.co.uk

Joey’s post-bang breakdown Prior to the door shutting, I hadn’t considered how I was going to approach this bizarre act. The meter was running so I decided my best plan of attack would be to enter my own little bubble, detaching myself from my surroundings and treat the whole experience as a glorified wank - a little trick I learnt whilst entertaining fat birds. Soon as I assumed the position I knew this was no substitute for a woman. Although the skin has a bit of sponge to it, you know full well you’re groping a mannequin, a bit like caressing the mat of a boxing ring. Having fucked a traditional ‘blow-up doll’ previously, I can get over the plastic feel for the sake of satisfaction. My second hurdle was maneuverability. A benefit advertised by many of the companies is the luxury of moulding this synthetic slapper into every position an experienced swordsman like myself desires. Only problem with this is, when spontaneity takes hold, ‘switching-stances’ requires a passion-killing time-out whilst performing ‘forced yoga’ on something that looks like a rigor-mortis version of Jean-Claude Van Damme. The final flaw is the eyes, popped fresh out the sockets like Steve Buscemi, added to the body of Stretch Armstrong - it’s all a bit much to forgive. To summarize, if you’ve got some dark fetish about chucking ya nuts up an inanimate object or playing ‘hide the sausage’ with a fresh dead chick then this is undoubtedly your bag. For me personally it’s two thumbs down…. However, one question remains unanswered…… Who fucking cleans them out!? Back in the car After Joey’s departure from the seedy little room we were gone. No formal goodbyes, no pressure to buy. I wondered if they even sell them or if it’s just a cover for a whore house of plastic. Not that it matters either way other than in legal terms, which may well be the point of the try before you buy set up? There was definitely an air of shame floating around the car on the way home. And it’s a long fucking journey. The shame was not in screwing a piece of plastic, rubber and electronic clobber, nor was it the seedy nature of it. The shame was the fact that we had just wasted so much time and money on something we should have been old enough and ugly enough to know would’ve been shit. As a man, God gave us the perfect tool with a hand. Masturbation, to a certain degree, should be treated like a medical procedure: need to spunk, have a wank - done. Obviously with a woman it’s different, it’s the journey not the destination. Giving them pleasure, knowing they are getting off as much as you - it’s one of the biggest turn ons. When you hit those right spots and they’re grabbing that arse, smacking your chest, screwing up the covers, the screams, the pants, the scratch of the back, until you can’t take any more and you both burst together - that’s one of the greatest feelings on earth. One that can’t be replicated by a robot. Duke Cassady and Joey Robero 33

Animation World Magazine - Nerd Corps Entertainment