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ISSUE6-NERDS

PublicHouse threatening

PublicHouse threatening man bulges. Be polite and show interest in what she says, but do not demonstrate any warm feelings or signs of attraction. Doing so is extremely threatening to women and may cause discomfort, especially if you’re in any way more successful than her in your career. Step Three: Any Act of Chivalry is an Act of Misogyny The times have changed. This isn’t 2016 anymore. Do not choose the wine or order a woman’s food. This will likely get you castrated on social media. Also, don’t hold the door for her, as she will interpret this as a sign you find her weak. Furthermore, do not compliment her outfit as this can be interpreted as slimy and demonstrate you’re aware she has a body. Most importantly, make absolutely no physical contact with said woman. If she initiates contact, such as placing her hand on your hand, you may reciprocate, but do not advance the contact in any way. All Illustrations for The Dating NERDS by Francesco Torotella 38 francescotortorella.com 38

PublicHouse Step Four: Maintain Course and Keep a Steady Sail Continue to meet with the woman, letting her pay for exactly 50% of all meals and drinks. After the fourth or fifth date, you may drop subtle hints that you find her attractive. If all goes well, she will eventually ask you why you haven’t made a move. At that point, you should smile sheepishly, look abashed, and say you just wanted to take things slow. She will smile back and tell you she understands. From here on out you have the green light for first base. Step Five: The Rule of 5's Well done my friend, you’ve made it further than most! But you now find yourself in extremely dangerous territory. Things can take a turn very quickly in these treacherous waters. You may be getting a blowy one second and wake the next morning to a bunch of hairy-bushed softball players wielding pitchforks and torches in your backyard. Next thing you know you’re nothing but a hashtag without a job or any future. So, make sure to follow this simple rule: The Rule of 5's While engaging in sexual activities, you should confirm consent in a decreasing timeframe correlative with the degree of activity. Here’s a chart: First Base: Confirm consent every 10 minutes Second Base: Confirm consent every 5 minutes Third Base: Confirm consent every 60 seconds During Sex: Before engaging in sexual congress, provide said woman with a whistle that she should hold at all times. Inform her that she should blow the whistle, if, at any point, she begins to feel that a lifetime of trauma and regret may follow another moment of you being inside her. Step Six: Cleaning Up the Mess. Congratulations Old Sport! You made sweet sweet love! You were kind, gentle, didn’t do anything too weird, and she didn’t even cry! But nevertheless, things could still go wrong for you. Sure, she gave consent and seemed into it the whole time, but you may have failed to read her nonverbal cues. To extinguish any simmering regrets that may be festering inside of her, make sure to ask her about her feelings, thank her for all she’s done, and apologize for being such a filthy animal with disgusting urges. Jack Gasper medium.com/@jackgasper 39

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