6 months ago


should do? Student: Take

should do? Student: Take his temperature? (She feels the patient's forehead.) Doctor: No. Student: Feel his pulse? (She feels the patient's pulse) (on his good arm). Doctor: No. Student: Tell him to say 'Aah'? Doctor: Pardon? Student: Say 'Aah'. Doctor: 'Aah!' Student: No - him. Doctor: 'Himmm!' Student: No! Tell him to say 'Aah'. Doctor: Ah! Him! (To the patient) Say 'Aah'. Patient: Pardon? Doctor: Say 'Aah'. Patient: Good! Patient: Actually, doctor, the problem is my arm - Doctor: Now we can ask the patient some questions. Student: Questions? Doctor: Doctor: Yes - and here they are. (The doctor gives the student doctor a list of questions.) Go on - you can ask him the questions. Student: Oh. Right. Doctor: (To the patient) now listen very carefully, because we have some very important questions for you. Patient: But doctor, the problem is - Doctor: (To the student-doctor) Read the first question. Student: Are you Mrs. Elisabeth Robinson of 45 Shakespeare Avenue? Patient: No. Doctor: Correct. Student: Is this your first baby? Patient: What? Doctor: Try the next one. Student: What is the capital of Uruguay? Patient: Montevideo. Doctor: Correct. Well, there's nothing wrong with his South American geography. Patient: But doctor - Doctor: You're fine. You can go now. Student: Doctor! Doctor: Yes? Student: I really think you should examine the patient. Doctor: Good idea. (The doctor places his stethoscope on the patient's chest.) Doctor: Cough. (The patient coughs.) Doctor: Cough.(The patient coughs.) Doctor: Cough.(The patient coughs.) Doctor: Cough (The patient coughs.) Doctor: Cough (The patient coughs.) Doctor: I know what's wrong with him, Student: What' Doctor: He's got a cough Student: He's got a cough?! Doctor: Yes and I, Doctor Watson, have got the answer. (The doctor produces a bottle of medicine from his pocket.) Doctor: (Pointing at the bottle) 'Doctor Watson's Universal Cough Remedy.' Student: 'Doctor Watson's Universal Cough Remedy? Doctor: Yes Student: But what about his arm? Doctor: Er.. (Pointing at the bottle again) 'Doctor Watson's Universal Cough and Arm Remedy,' Student: 'Universal Cough and Arm Remedy'? Doctor: Yes - and this is how it works. He can drink it (He makes the patient drink some of the medicine.) Patient: Aaargh! Doctor: But it tastes horrible. Or he can rub it on his back - (He rubs some of the medicine on the patient's back.) Doctor: But he must mix it with water first. Patient:! Doctor: As you can see, he's feeling much better now. All he needs is six months in hospital. Let's take him away. Student: Where? To the hospital? Doctor: No, to the bus stop. Come on! (The doctor and the student-doctor help the patient to his feet, and they all leave.) • SKETCHES 83

Gussett and Rose Scene: Characters: A street Two Englishmen: Albert Gussett and Harold Rose The two men pass in the street. Rose: Goodness me! Gussett: Well I never! Rose: Herbert Bishop! Gussett: Arthur Trigwell! Rose: No...Actually my name's Harold Rose. Gussett: I'm Albert Gussett, as a matter of fact. Rose: Albert Gussett, Of course Gussett: And you're Harold Rose. Of course you are, Rose: Well I never! Gussett: Goodness me! (They hesitate for a moment.) Rose: Well, how are you, then? Gussett: Fine, fine, How's Alice? Rose: Alice? Gussett: Yes, Alice, Your wife's name's Alice, isn't it? Rose: No, no...Gloria, actually, Gussett: Oh, yes. Gloria Trigwell Rose: Er… Rose. Gussett: Rose Trigwell? Rose: No, Gloria Rose, Gussett: Gloria Rose, Of course. How is she? Rose: She's very well. How's,. ,er... Gussett: Doris? Rose: Yes, Doris, your wife. How is she? Gussett: Oh, she's very well. Rose: Good, good. Gussett: - but she isn't my wife. Rose: No? Gussett: I'm not married. Rose: Oh. Gussett: Doris is my sister. Rose: Oh, yes (They hesitate again for a moment.) Rose: Well, it is a small world, isn't it, Herbert? Gussett: Albert. Rose: Albert, yes. It seems like yesterday. Gussett: Yes, it certainly does... Rose: When we were at that awful school together. Gussett: School? Rose: Yes. Doesn't time fly? Gussett: We weren't at school together. Rose: Do you remember that awful English teacher with black teeth? Gussett: We weren't at school together. Rose: Weren't we? Gussett: No, we were in the Army together. Rose: We weren't, Gussett: Weren't we? Rose: I was in the Navy. Gussett: Oh (They hesitate again for a moment.) Rose: Er... Albert, I mean Herbert - Gussett: No, no, Albert's my name. Rose: Er, yes...Albert, how do we know each other? Gussett: I was just wondering about that myself, er... Rose: Harold. Gussett: Yes, Harold. Er...Are you an architect? Rose: Yes! Are you an architect? Gussett: No, I'm a taxi-driver. Rose: Oh. (They hesitate again.) Gussett: Are you interested in boxing? Rose: No, not at all. Gussett: Ah Rose: Do you go to the theatre? Gussett: I went once about twenty years ago. Rose: I see. Gussett: Do you take your holidays in Brighton? Rose: No, never. Gussett: Mmm. Rose: Do you play golf? Gussett: No, I don't. Rose: Well, that's not it then. (They hesitate again.) Rose: Do you know. Albert. I don't think we've met before. Gussett: No, you're right. We haven't. Rose: Well, er...l'm Harold Rose, Gussett : And I'm Albert Gussett. Rose: How do you do? Gussett: How do you do? (They shake hands.) • 84 SKETCHES