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The shoe stall<br />

Scene:<br />

Characters:<br />

A shoe stall in a street market<br />

in Britain<br />

Honest Harry, the stallholder, a<br />

customer<br />

The stallholder is standing at his stall; he has<br />

a small card in his hat, saying 'Honest Harry'.<br />

The customer comes to the stall, carrying a<br />

shoe-box.<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Good morning, madam. Can I<br />

help you?<br />

Are you Honest Harry?<br />

E... maybe. Why?<br />

I want to make a complaint to<br />

Honest Harry.<br />

A complaint?<br />

Yes<br />

In that case, I'm not Honest<br />

Harry.<br />

What?<br />

Honest Harry's on holiday.<br />

Oh, (Noticing the card in his<br />

hat) Wait a minute - your hat<br />

says 'Honest Harry'.<br />

Oh, yes this is Honest Harry's<br />

hat. I'm wearing it while he's<br />

on holiday.<br />

What?!<br />

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give<br />

you Harry's telephone number,<br />

in Argentina.<br />

Now listen to me.<br />

All right, all right, all right. I<br />

am Honest Harry. What's the<br />

problem?<br />

(The customer puts the shoebox<br />

on the stall.)<br />

Well, my husband came here<br />

yesterday,<br />

Oh, really?<br />

Yes. And he bought these<br />

shoes.<br />

(The customer takes two<br />

shoes from the box (one is<br />

red, the other is green) and<br />

closes it.)<br />

Yes?<br />

Well, my husband can't wear<br />

these.<br />

Why not? Are they too big?<br />

No.<br />

Harry: Too small?<br />

Customer: No.<br />

Harry: So what's the problem?<br />

Customer: They're not the same colour.<br />

Harry: Not the same colour?<br />

Customer: That's right.<br />

Harry: Not the same colour as what?<br />

Customer: They're not the same colour as<br />

each other! One of them's red<br />

and the other one's green.<br />

Harry: Oh, yes! One of them's red<br />

and the other one's green,<br />

Customer: Yes!<br />

Harry: I see! So which one are you<br />

complaining about?<br />

Customer: Pardon?<br />

Harry: Which one don't you like?<br />

Customer: Look, there's nothing wrong<br />

with the shoes -<br />

Harry: Good.<br />

Customer: but they're not a pair,<br />

Harry: No, you're right, madam.<br />

They're not a pear. This is a<br />

pear.<br />

(Harry produces a pear and<br />

bites it.)<br />

Harry: Mmm, delicious!<br />

Customer: I don't think you're taking this<br />

very seriously.<br />

Harry: Sorry, madam. Let's start at<br />

the beginning. Your husband<br />

bought these shoes.<br />

Customer: Yes.<br />

Harry: From me.<br />

Customer: Yes.<br />

Harry: And you're not satisfied with<br />

them.<br />

Customer: That's right. I'm not satisfied<br />

at all.<br />

Harry: What do you mean, exactly?<br />

Customer: What do you mean: 'What do I<br />

mean'?<br />

Harry: What do I mean what do you<br />

mean?<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Harry:<br />

Customer:<br />

Yes.<br />

What I mean is this; Are you:<br />

(A) 'Unhappy', (B) 'Annoyed',<br />

(C) 'Angry', or (D) 'Suicidal'?<br />

Well, I'm unhappy<br />

You're unhappy.<br />

Yes.<br />

You're not annoyed.<br />

No, well, yes, I am.<br />

So you're annoyed.<br />

Yes.<br />

94 SKETCHES

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