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The shoe stall<br />
Scene:<br />
Characters:<br />
A shoe stall in a street market<br />
in Britain<br />
Honest Harry, the stallholder, a<br />
customer<br />
The stallholder is standing at his stall; he has<br />
a small card in his hat, saying 'Honest Harry'.<br />
The customer comes to the stall, carrying a<br />
shoe-box.<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Good morning, madam. Can I<br />
help you?<br />
Are you Honest Harry?<br />
E... maybe. Why?<br />
I want to make a complaint to<br />
Honest Harry.<br />
A complaint?<br />
Yes<br />
In that case, I'm not Honest<br />
Harry.<br />
What?<br />
Honest Harry's on holiday.<br />
Oh, (Noticing the card in his<br />
hat) Wait a minute - your hat<br />
says 'Honest Harry'.<br />
Oh, yes this is Honest Harry's<br />
hat. I'm wearing it while he's<br />
on holiday.<br />
What?!<br />
I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give<br />
you Harry's telephone number,<br />
in Argentina.<br />
Now listen to me.<br />
All right, all right, all right. I<br />
am Honest Harry. What's the<br />
problem?<br />
(The customer puts the shoebox<br />
on the stall.)<br />
Well, my husband came here<br />
yesterday,<br />
Oh, really?<br />
Yes. And he bought these<br />
shoes.<br />
(The customer takes two<br />
shoes from the box (one is<br />
red, the other is green) and<br />
closes it.)<br />
Yes?<br />
Well, my husband can't wear<br />
these.<br />
Why not? Are they too big?<br />
No.<br />
Harry: Too small?<br />
Customer: No.<br />
Harry: So what's the problem?<br />
Customer: They're not the same colour.<br />
Harry: Not the same colour?<br />
Customer: That's right.<br />
Harry: Not the same colour as what?<br />
Customer: They're not the same colour as<br />
each other! One of them's red<br />
and the other one's green.<br />
Harry: Oh, yes! One of them's red<br />
and the other one's green,<br />
Customer: Yes!<br />
Harry: I see! So which one are you<br />
complaining about?<br />
Customer: Pardon?<br />
Harry: Which one don't you like?<br />
Customer: Look, there's nothing wrong<br />
with the shoes -<br />
Harry: Good.<br />
Customer: but they're not a pair,<br />
Harry: No, you're right, madam.<br />
They're not a pear. This is a<br />
pear.<br />
(Harry produces a pear and<br />
bites it.)<br />
Harry: Mmm, delicious!<br />
Customer: I don't think you're taking this<br />
very seriously.<br />
Harry: Sorry, madam. Let's start at<br />
the beginning. Your husband<br />
bought these shoes.<br />
Customer: Yes.<br />
Harry: From me.<br />
Customer: Yes.<br />
Harry: And you're not satisfied with<br />
them.<br />
Customer: That's right. I'm not satisfied<br />
at all.<br />
Harry: What do you mean, exactly?<br />
Customer: What do you mean: 'What do I<br />
mean'?<br />
Harry: What do I mean what do you<br />
mean?<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Harry:<br />
Customer:<br />
Yes.<br />
What I mean is this; Are you:<br />
(A) 'Unhappy', (B) 'Annoyed',<br />
(C) 'Angry', or (D) 'Suicidal'?<br />
Well, I'm unhappy<br />
You're unhappy.<br />
Yes.<br />
You're not annoyed.<br />
No, well, yes, I am.<br />
So you're annoyed.<br />
Yes.<br />
94 SKETCHES