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4 months ago

11042018 - Buhari’s ‘one term’ offer in 2011 no longer applies

30 — VANGU ANGUARD,

30 — VANGU ANGUARD, ARD, WEDNESDAY, , APRIL 11, 2018 Hubby’s indifference annoys me Should I tell her husband? DearBunmi, My husband of 24 years wasn’t as responsible as he ought when I discovered he was having yet another ‘meaningful affair.’ In the end, I left the marriage with our four children and started divorce proceedings. I don’t know if he’s still with his latest catch, but I do know that this woman’s husband has no idea of what went on between Dad married late mum’s best friend Dear Bunmi, After mum died eight years ago, my dad became close to one of her best friends and in time, he married her. I’ve tried to accept their marriage, but my stepmother seems intent on driving a wedge between our dad and the rest of the family. She never smiles or asks me any questions about my siblings and treats dad like a child. Whenever we went to visit, she would disappear into her room, saying the noise is giving her a headache. She won’t come to us as it is “too far to drive” even though we are a few kilometres away. Yet, she refuses to let dad visit without her. How can I fix things before they become a permanent rift? Christie, by e-mail his wife and my husband. I feel he should be made aware of what’s going on as she’s taking him for a fool. Besides, why should mine be the only marriage to suffer? Lola, by e-mail. Dear Lola, The big question here is: What are you going to achieve by meddling in someone else’s relationship? Her husband may have a right to know, but if you were to be honest with yourself, that wouldn’t be the reason you want to let the cat out of the bag. All you want really is revenge and that wouldn’t solve anything. Cut your losses and concentrate on how both of you could raise the children with little or no acrimony. They’re the innocent ones here and they deserve the best. It is quite natural to feel resentful but your son’s interest in his dad is natural and you should be pleased that he now has a sort of rapport with his father. The man has obviously seen the errors of his ways and your revenge really is that you made a man of your son with no help at all from him. My son sees his dad behind my back Dear Bunmi, A long time ago, I fell in love with a man who moaned that all his wife gave him were female children. He already had three and was desperate for a son, it was a poor excuse for getting involved with him but I loved him. In time, I got pregnant and had the son he desperately wanted and he was over the moon. Then his wife found out about me and he dropped me like a hot potato. I was only a clerk then and found it difficult to make ends meet. Luckily, my company encouraged staff to take Dear Christie, It's about time you rose above your stepmother’s childish behaviour. Don’t give her the satisfaction of coming between your dad and the rest of his family. Smile, hug her, treat her as professional examinations and I did very well and got a better position in the office. I got married and I had two other boys. My first son is now in the university and has been seeing his dad behind my back. He knew the agony and humiliation I went through when he rejected us both, but now he says his father wants to be relevant in his life and has agreed to refund all the money I spent on him! The coward that he is, why isn’t he telling me to my face what he now intends to do? My son is the only male child he has as his wife gave him two more girls! Amaka by e-mail. you would a person you love. Don’t react to her nonsense - kill it with kindness and she’ll soon get tired of it. Your dad is not blind and if she went too far, he might cotton up to her selfishness. Good luck! Dear Amaka, The disappointment you had with the father of your first son took place a long time ago. You have moved on and have been successful enough to take full care of him and your other children. Although your son has a step father, he’s entitled to a relationship with his biological father. It is quite natural to feel resentful but your son’s interest in his dad is natural and you should be pleased that he now has a sort of rapport with his father. The man has obviously seen the errors of his ways and your revenge really is that you made a man of your son with no help at all from him. Dear Bunmi, I’m a 32-year-old mother of three children. I work part time in a law firm, while two of our kids are at school. The youngest stays with my mum. As stressed out as I am, my husband has never been great around the house and now the kids are growing, I’ve got so much on my plate, juggling homework, cooking and cleaning. House helps are thin on the ground right now and the few I’ve had in the past were downright lazy. I’ve told my husband he needs to do a bit more around the house, but he says he works hard all week so he deserves a rest when he gets home. I’m getting to the stage where I just want to wack him on the head with the frying pan! Am I being unfair, or should he pull his weight? Dear Bunmi, My husband of 18 years and I have finally agreed we would be better off apart. He is a very virile man but I don’t really enjoy sex and I would rather move on with my life. We have two lovely teenage children and for family stability, my husband has decided to move into another apartment of ours. Naturally, he would have a love life but that’s the least of my problems. We both worship our kids and would love to know how to let them know their parents are getting divorced. Sunbo, by e-mail. Dear Sunbo, All kids react to the news that their parents are divorcing in different ways. Some retreat into themselves, others might misbehave or rebel. While there isn’t a magic wand you can wave to make their pain go away, there are things you can do to make the process easier. Since the break-up is Favour, by e-mail. Dear Favour, Your husband has to realise you work hard too and that if you don’t get the occasional break, you’ll bum out. It’s not as if you’re swanning around all day at home, while he’s slogging away at work. Bringing up your kids is tough enough without househelps and with you working. A marriage should be a partnership, but yours sounds very one-sided to me. After all, it’s not for nothing Lagos State has agreed to paternity leave for husbands! Start by letting him take care All kids react to the news that their parents are divorcing in different ways. Some retreat into themselves, others might misbehave or rebel. ...there are things you can do to make the process easier. of his own clothes. See how he likes wearing wrinkled shirts to work! Your husband is old-fashioned, but give him a bit of sympathy too - in the current economic climate, his job may be more stressful than usual. Any easy way to tell our children we’re divorcing? amicable, there is no danger of either of you badmouthing each other in front of the children. That’s why you and your husband should tell the kids togetherpresenting a united front is very important. Let them know how much you both love them and stress that this isn’t about you and them. Explain the basics of what is going to happen and encourage them to ask questions. After you’ve broken the news, try to spend a few minutes a day alone with each child. This will give them the opportunity to talk if they want to. Also, it might help if you could give each child a small notebook in case there is anything they want to talk about but found it difficult to say aloud. They could then write in the notebooks and leave them where any of the parents could see them. This might encourage the kids to open up. Good luck. Share your problems and release your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi, Vanguard Newspapers, P.M.B 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk

Vanguard, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11, 2018 —31 Intimations of a failing state: has life ever been this cheap in Nigeria? THE signs that this would be a ghastly year were quite clear from the beginning of the year. Starting with the mindless and totally meaningless New Year’s eve/day killings masterminded by a cultist that would himself be killed weeks later in Rivers State, it should have been clear that Nigerians would have a hard time of this year. The mass killings of the worshippers returning from church on that first day of the year would be followed a few days later by more gory tales of mass murder, namely, the massacre of nearly 80 Nigerians, specifically, 73 villagers in Benue State. There have been reports that have so far remained unchallenged that there have been mass killings on a scale that exceeded the 12 January, 2018 killings in Oguma in the same Benue-Plateau region. Since the beginning of the year, there has been no week without reports of some villages sacked, towns turned upside down even as civil authorities cry for help that is hardly forthcoming from both police and military personnel that are now mostly seen as biased and therefore part of the problems they are expected to resolve. Most of these killings were perpetrated by cattle herders that operate by their own codes of self-made laws. It was amid all of this that Boko Haram operatives invaded Dapchi right under the nose of the military personnel drafted there and carted away like mere cattle, school girls whose actual number are yet a matter of conjectures. The military, according to villagers and others in the know, had been alerted about the presence of Boko Haram insurgents but there was neither any acknowledgement of the villagers’ SOS nor was there any response from the military after the attack. Even as the rampaging cattle herders are yet to call a truce and Boko Haram carries on in the sideline, both the pen robbers in government and their armed kin on the loose, have kept the country on tenterhooks. In their latest outrage, the armed bandits, close kin of the pen and business bandits that have been trading insults as to who has looted the treasury more than the other and is therefore deserving of an ignominious place on a socalled looters list - in their latest rebuke of constituted authorities, the armed bandits invaded Offa in Kwara State and most violently looted at least five banks. At least, 50 Nigerians, including scores of police officers Where government can no longer guarantee the security of the people, what is left to do? were reportedly mowed down in cold blood as their stations came under unprovoked attacks before the armed terrorists made for the banks that were their primary points of call. Unlike our compatriots in civilian garbs, these killers made no pretence about who or what they arekillers. They were excited by the sight of blood and went straight to their grim business, taking lives at random, allegedly targeting the head of their victims. And that’s another dimension of the type of strange killings that have blighted our land - they are as macabre as they could possibly be. The cattle herders never kill their victims except they had taken out their intestines and removed the fetuses in the womb of women. Baddo killers in Ikorodu would only kill with grinding stones and pestle – bludgeoning their victims out of existence. Yet, we are supposed to be human beings. Which animals go after their kinds in this manner? It’s incredible that in the Offa killings, as were others before, so many lives would be taken, not as if at a border flashpoint between Nigeria and a country with which we are at war. That so many would meet their untimely end in the course of their legitimate business is beyond comprehension. It is worse than an indictment of legitimate authorities. In other places, the people and their leaders would by now be going around with heads shaven, sitting on ashes, wearing mourning clothes or flying their national flag at half mast. Only on account of two people that were attacked with nerve gas have Britain and scores of her allies including the United States, been on the warpath with Russia, the alleged offender. Yet, the victims, an ex-spy and his daughter, are not even British citizens. But it took President Muhammadu Buhari months to visit the victims of the mass slaughters in Benue and Taraba states, and this on the red carpet with school pupils called out to line the route of the presidential visitor, celebrating the death of their kind? Where government can no longer guarantee the security of the people what is left to do? Security is collective, we are told, but then some people are saddled with the responsibility of ensuring we can sleep with our eyes closed. They have the means of making this possible. But the Buhari govermment is failing Nigerians, it is tasking the patience of our people as are the time servers called legislators at the National Assembly. Just a couple of weeks ago, Bill Gates called attention to the scant attention being paid to human capital development in this country. Our leaders like to point to the number of houses, road networks and power stations they have built as if these infrastructure are their own ends. They pay no attention to the human component for who these capital assets are put in place. Citizens themselves harp on about the type of material rewards they expect to be provided. Granted these things are important, but how well can they replace the human component? Humanity is losing its relevance in Nigeria even when we do not have anything, not even robots that some in other places could lay claim to, to serve in the place of human beings. The young do not appear to have a future to look forward to. What future is there where young women can be herded into captivity when they are not being married out prematurely? What future exists where we cannot feed ourselves, where our young men and women become migrants dying in their thousands in strange places? What future can there be where education is underfunded and our hospitals and other health facilities have either become abattoirs where medical procedures are conducted with candle light and university campuses are without electricity and workers are constantly on strike? The only power the cowards who go around on killing sprees have over their victims is their possession of weapons of violence. Where the state can no longer protect the people, where police officers are now reserved for those who can afford their service, what should the people do? Should they take up arms for their own protection or look on until they are killed one by one as Theophilus Danjuma has warned? Shall we resort to self help? As Theresa May meets Buhari By Osa Amadi SOME 400 years ago, Europeans claimed to have discovered Africa, and sat down among themselves at the Berlin Conference of 1885, to share like a mammoth animal killed in a hunting expedition, what they described as “the dark continent”. The British was handed the head part of that game - what later became Nigeria, “an amalgam of people welded together in the interests and for the benefit of a European Power.” First, European travellers and explorers had returned to Europe with tales which brought Portuguese slavetraders from 1450 and later the French, Dutch, Danes, Swedes, Germans, Spaniards and lastly the British who came and occupied. To the British, Nigeria was a British property and he raped and colonised her for 60 years before nationalists such as Herbert Macaulay, Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe and Chief Obafemi Awolowo wrenched the country from the grip of the vicious British. Before they shamefully left, mostly under the cover of night, the British colonists set a bobby trap for the country they had raped for 60 years. Sir James Robertson was imported from Sudan as the new governor general for the purpose of using an English junior civil servant, Harold Smith, to rig Nigeria’s first election “so that its compliant friends in Northern Nigeria would win power, dominate the country, and serve British interests after independence.” “It is to the credit of British intellectuals and institutions that the documents showcasing this electoral swindle are now available,” wrote Chinua Achebe. “Series A, Volume 4 of the British Documents on the End of Empire Project, BDEEP, published by the Institute of Commonwealth Studies, University of London, provides a bounty of startling revelations. “As long as the Federal Government (of Nigeria) remains dependent, our strategic requirements are constitutionally secure....In the Westminster model, Parliament is the matrix of the Executive. When this model is exported to dependent territories, we are forced in the transitional stages to modify it in the interests of strong and stable government. This we do by rigging the parliament through official majorities, a restricted franchise and so forth,” the British Documents on the End of Empire Project reveal. Having sown that seed of corruption in Nigeria, election rigging became a culture in the country. When the Civil War broke out between Nigeria and Biafra, instead of playing a mediatory role as a peacemaker and a father whose two children were fighting, Britain under Harold Wilson as Prime Minister, covetously eyeing the oil deposits in Eastern region, chose to supply arms to the Nigerian side, arms used to carry out genocide against Igbos. Based on these evidences, one can safely conclude that Theresa May’s forebears were largely responsible for the decadence and corruption which this former British colony One can safely conclude that Theresa May’s forebears were largely responsible for the decadence and corruption which this former British colony is now imprisoned is now imprisoned. As Chinua Achebe puts it: “What has consistently escaped most Nigerians in this entire travesty is the fact that mediocrity destroys the very fabric of a country as surely as a war - ushering in all sorts of banality, ineptitude, corruption, and debauchery. Nations enshrine mediocrity as their modus operandi, and create the fertile ground for the rise of tyrants and other base elements of the society, by silently assenting to the dismantling of systems of excellence because they do not immediately benefit one specific ethnic, racial, political, or special-interest group. That, in my humble opinion, is precisely where Nigeria finds itself today!” Theresa May and the British populace, no doubt, must have heard the serious accusations leveled against the Army and Police of aiding and abating the herdsmen in their killing orgies across Nigeria. The British Prime Minister must have also heard the strident voice of the National Christian Elders Forum, peopled by retired army generals, consistently crying over what it calls the arrival of Why I do not use British spellings Stealth Jihad in Nigeria spearheaded by Boko Haram, herdsmen and those who arm them. Given that Nigerians and the National Assembly have been so much cowed into complacency that they cannot constitute a commission of inquiry into these grave matters in a world where presidents like Donald Trump is being grilled over Russia’s suspected meddling into the last U.S election and for sleeping with a prostitute before he became president, Theresa May may need to ask questions about whether indeed the Federal Government of Nigeria, the Army and the Police are doing enough to contain the Boko Haram and herdsmen onslaught against the people of Nigeria. IHAVE often wondered how stupid we are to be fighting with the Microsoft Word, forcing it to accept British spellings when for instance, we type “organise” and the MS Word turns it to “organize”. After all, which is easier to spell – “labour” or “labor”? Is it not bad enough that the English Language displaced our indigenous languages as lingua franca in Nigeria and West Africa? Why should I be fighting with a computer and software developed in the USA over British spellings simply on the sentiment of loyalty to a colonial power that wrecked, raped and pillaged my land? Americans developed the MS Word software, and I think justice and equity demand that you render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar. Although one may argue that Americans originated from the British, Americans have evolved into a much loved people than the cunning British. So please, allow me and my computer to use the American spellings, if not for anything else, as a protest for all the evils they did to my people and my land. If could help it, I won’t even speak or write in English at all. •Amadi, a journalist, wrote from Lagos C M Y K