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Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

Taking Charge I lost my

Taking Charge I lost my mind. Faces roared in the paint. Their teeth gnarled and ground sounding like bones going to dust. Voices whispered plans and painted images. Gore covered everything. Ash and fire ruined my lungs. Black lines rose from the floor, edged with threats and promises. Mildew stains ran dark in the corners. Mold swayed in the toilet. The razor pulled blood through white fat. It dripped from my fingertips and ran in streaks and rivulets into the drain. I turned on the water and watched it go from red to pink. Suddenly I was lightheaded. I breathed through my nose. I wasn’t done yet. I wanted to cut through muscle to the veins; I wanted to see bone. But I couldn’t do it. The pain was starting now and little spots sprouted in my eyes. I let the razor bounce in the sink. I was finished. I started to lie down in the bathtub when the door opened. Tayla stood there, staring. Her mouth worked but nothing came out. After a second, she hit me and started cussing. “What the hell?” she said. “Jesus Christ,” she said. I closed my eyes. I didn’t know what else to do. All the noise, all the spinning and all the fear drained away for a moment. All the colors went white, then black. I floated. “Fuck,” Tayla said. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Gid reached into my head but found nothing to hold onto. His finger slipped and scrambled. “Why?” he asked. “I made you,” I said. “No.” “You made me,” I said. A shrill scream. Gid or Tayla. It didn’t matter. I was done.

Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and utterly absolute. I hung in the void. The edge where flesh met world blurred. I hung there and waited for the universe to explode into sound and motion. I hung there for an eternity and then it happened and when it happened I jerked. Everything jumped at once and then the sounds of the world flooded through. There were voices, no words but the hum of too many people talking at once. Machines tapped out rhythms. Wheeled carts clacked on hard floors. Colors unfolded in my eyes. I tried to turn but something held me down. Slowly, I opened my eyes and I knew where I was. I was in the emergency room. Acoustic tiles stretched from wall to wall. No windows, only florescent light. Leather cuffs held my wrists to my side, my ankles to the bed frame. Tayla’s voice rolled over me. “There you are,” she said, She leaned in over me. Lines ran out from the corners of her eyes. Her lips were thin and too pale. I turned away. Shame filled the hollow spots in my bones. It soured my stomach. “What do you remember?” Tayla asked. “I died.” “You didn’t die,” she said. “Okay.” “You know he’s not real,” she said. “Can I have my hands back?” I asked. A frown creased her mouth. She looked out at the hall. “I need to pee.” “Butter…” “Please.” She looked unsure for a moment before working on the buckles. Leather separated. I rose slowly and stumbled into the bathroom. It was all pale walls and porcelain. Metal knobs stuck up