Laps Walls the color of eggshells hemmed me in. Every room had a wooden door, thick, no locks. The only locks were on the nurses’ station and the door to the real world. In my room, a window took up most of a wall. It refused to open, but you could see the west hills, bristled with evergreens. Lights from too many houses glowed there at night. The only thing I could do was walk. Seventeen laps made a mile. I walked three, maybe four miles a day. My staff walked with me. Selma was a short, bulgy woman. Old. Curly white hair. She used a walker, but she never asked to sit down. She walked with me and we talked. “How’re things?” she asked. I shrugged. “You seem a little worried,” she said. Again, I shrugged. Selma knew things. She said things. She knew how to get into my head and ferret things out. Gid walked with us, an eggplant smear. He whispered things. His fingers stroked the knobs of my spine. Nausea and pain played tug of war. “She doesn’t believe,” Gid said. “You’re awfully pale,” Selma said. Gid put his hand in the center of my chest. My sternum iced over. I stopped. Selma wheezed to my side. “You okay?” she asked. Gid stood with us, blurred and gray. His fingers were hard and strong. I remembered the feel of his broad chest, his rigid thighs. “She knows nothing,” he said. “Don’t.” “Butter?” Selma asked. “Never mind.”
At the corner, I sat in a hard chair. “She can’t help,” Gid said. I shuddered and put my forehead against my knees and tried to breathe. I wanted to puke. I wanted a cigarette. Selma watched me. It was hard to breathe. My feet and fingers tingled. Out of nowhere, blood flowed from the walls and windows. People cried gory tears. Fire raced through the nerves and bones. Gid stroked my hair. I batted at him but he only laughed. “They know nothing about love,” he said. He kissed my chin and he kissed my nose. He kissed my forehead and my knuckles. “You’re so sweet,” he said. “Don’t,” I said. “You can’t be here.” “Because they can’t see me?” “You’re hurting me,” I said. “Pain cleans the soul.”
Comfortable Madness William L. Alto
Dedication For Lisa, who showed me
still the only teacher who let me g
I reached for his face, but it was
the curb. I smoked and paced, and I
med thing? Was this the start of an
Science and Spirit They made physic
Target I was neither the biggest ki
Crossing the Line In English, we ta
Episode Voices and faces bubbled ou
God Porn Four girls stood in front
Lunch Color drained away except for
Telling Secrets Miss Tris sat with
Water I danced and Tayla played. Ta
“We have to do something,” Miss
Insomnia Sun rise. Jays screamed in
Love and Madness Our bed was old. K
Someday Queertopia was the last tab
There were no words. There were no
Voices and Visions Night. Everythin
Answered Questions Tayla sat in the
A Thing Homecoming. I didn’t want
I backed away. People were really s
Tayla rolled over and looked at me.
Delusions I was too cold. White air
Room A creek ran on the edge of tow
Empty Promises It started. But then
Gifts Music lifted into the air, br
Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal
Black birds came from the corners.
This Body I dreamed of music, compl
Miracles I was late. I was never la
laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab
“You’re talking religion,” Co
Tayla’s drawn face tore at me.
This Is Love First, I saw his hands
Making Sure Posters of smiling wome
Something Hard and Sad Rain fell li
Looking Forward Dance team girls ga
Closet Water stains made dark masks
“You okay?” he asked. “Fine,
“The baby! Jesus, the baby!” So
“I love you,” Gid said. He went
“You’re not a guy,” he said.
Heavy Music and movement. I spun an
It felt as if my skin were going to
“They did nothing to you,” Gid
I smiled a fake smile. Tayla watche
“Really,” I said. “They can s
I closed my eyes. “Let’s go,”
“What’s up?” she asked. “Te
I smoked and waited. Tayla came and
Waiting I danced. I danced and hope
The Talk “What’s his name?” T
Almost a Victim I sat on the floor
pushing his fingers into my pie and
“She thinks I cheated,” I said.
“You know better.” Suddenly, I
“You know,” she said. “No one
“No,” I said. “Yes. And other
“I know.” Her fingers squeezed
That put an end to it.
“What happens,” I asked, “if
didn’t trust her because they ass
“Have you thought of adoption?”
“I have some newborn clothes here
Safe Dead folks filled the room wit
Consequences Mr. Skarey’s office
A Domestic Moment I lay on the bed
Birth It started with a rush of wat
When they handed me my son, I cried
He fought with me, but there was a
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