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Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

The Edge of Dreams No

The Edge of Dreams No sleep. Every night I walked to the edge of dreams, but I never jumped in. I lay in bed listening to the world. Dogs barked and whined. Cars growled on the street like angry cats. The oak outside the window sang a sad song in the wind. After an hour or two, I got up and went out for a cigarette. I stood on the patio and watched the sun come up over Mt. Hood and I nearly cried with fatigue. I stopped doing anything. Most of the time, I sat on the couch in a haze. Nothing got to me. I went to school and danced, and no one bothered me. Talking became too much work. Thinking became too hard. It was easier to just float through life as if it were nothing more than water. School ended and I went home and I lay on the couch in the living room. Before I knew it, I slept. I dreamed. The dream was weird, all lavender light and wind. I rose up out of myself and spun in the air. Music from nowhere seeped through everything. It pushed me higher and higher. Gid stood behind me. “There’s a better life for you,” he said. “I can give you everything.” “I don’t want anything,” I said. “You need to choose,” he said. “Here or not here.” “Stop,” I said. Gid laughed. “Just stop.” Gid’s hot hands crawled up through me. I twisted away but it was too late. He’d already taken hold of me. His dry lips slithered on my throat, against my ear. His tongue rested on the back of my neck. “I love you,” he said. I pushed him away. I hit him, and I screamed. “Leave!” I screamed. “Just go!”

He was a wall of bone and muscle. He was a well of arrogance. He sucked me in. I was disappearing. Darkness swallowed me. I couldn’t breathe. I woke, scared and sweaty. Tayla murmured in her sleep. “No,” she said. “Stop.” For once, she sounded scared. For once, she was on the bottom of things. “Not even she knows,” Gid whispered in my head. He had a hold on me. I couldn’t get free. I was meat, a fantasy, a dream. I was an object.