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4 months ago

Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

A Brittle Moment It came

A Brittle Moment It came all at once. It came out of nowhere. I was both eternal and finite. I was immortal, and death was imminent. My head swam. Fear fought with calm. “Butter,” Tayla said. “What’re you doing?” “What?” “Your hands are bleeding.” I held them up. Small pools of blood gathered in my palms. Now that I saw them, I felt the pain. The wounds were shallow, nothing more than deep scratches. Still, I couldn’t remember doing it. “What’re doing?” Tayla asked again. I shrugged. “Jesus,” she said. “Wash your hands.” In the bathroom, blood pinked the cold water. It stung. I had no sense of time. Even now, I was not in my body. I was off somewhere watching all of this happen. Tayla came to the bathroom door. “You’re hurting yourself again,” she said. There was an accusation there. “Sorry.” “What’s going on?” she asked. “I don’t know.” “You can’t keep doing this,” she said. “What do you want me to say?” She shook her head and walked away. I looked in the mirror. I hated mirrors. I hated the way my face stopped making sense when I saw it. This was not how I saw myself. “Tayla,” I called. “What?” She sounded bitter. “I didn’t do it on purpose,” I said.

She came back to the bathroom. “I know,” she said. “Why are you mad then?” I asked. She looked at the floor. She looked at the ceiling. “It’s not easy,” she said. “Tell me about it,” I said. She closed her eyes. “Can we just forget about it?” she asked. I nodded. I would love to forget about it. I would love to forget everything.