8 months ago

Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

the baby up for

the baby up for adoption. We talked about the meds I took, and she made notes. “If you’re going to keep the baby,” she said, “you’ll need to go off your meds.” Off my meds? I didn’t like the thought of that. Things got wild when I was off my meds. I couldn’t sleep. Visions and voices filled my world. But I couldn’t really think of killing the baby. I wasn’t much into spiritual things but the thought of cutting the baby out of my belly turned me sick. The doctor gave me vitamins and nausea meds. She said she could help me through the pregnancy. She asked if the father was part of my life. “I don’t know,” I said. “He doesn’t know.” “Sooner’s better than later,” she said. I thought about that. Maybe she was right, but what could I say? How was I going to convince Tayla I hadn’t turned on her?

Something Hard and Sad Rain fell like sand from a sky filled with clouds the color of raw wool. Rain cut through the petals of the blossoming cherry trees growing along the road. I stood in the Shack with Miss Tris smoking a cigarette. I felt like shit. My belly hurt. My tongue tasted of bile and ash. “We’re getting married,” Miss Tris said. “You and Tad?” “I’ll be eighteen in three months,” she said. “Tad’ll be eighteen in five. We’re thinking of doing it on his birthday.” “What about your folks?” I asked. Something hard and sad crossed her face. Shit. Miss Tris had an on again, off again thing with her folks. She was the youngest and when she was born, she was the only son of an only son. Her folks were good with the whole Trans thing, but her dad mourned the end of his line. Miss Tris would never have a son. There would be no Michael Hale the fourth. “Dad’s cool,” Miss Tris said. “Mom’s thrilled.” She stared up at the ceiling, through a crack there letting in dribbles of water. “I just wish,” she said, her voice distant, “you know, it would be easier if I were born right.” “At least you have Tad,” I said. Tayla and I sometimes talked about getting married, but Tayla wasn’t all for it. “Marriage,” she said, “is a het thing. I don’t do het things.” Something got sharp. Miss Tris looked at me. “You okay?” she asked. She was my best friend. But she was Tayla’s best friend too. What I said here would be said to Tayla. So, I just shrugged. “You know Tayla,” I said. “All rebellion and fight.”