Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

Waiting
I danced. I danced and hoped the dance would knock the
baby out of me. I danced and sweated and hoped it would bring
back something I lost.
Angie circled me like a cat. She arced and stretched. She
was all long lines and sex. Hard muscles in her back and belly felt
like smooth stone. The bones in her arms and legs were strong as
ancient oak. The music was gentle, too gentle. I needed something
to push at. Anger and frustration needed noise. They needed
screaming fiddles and groaning bass. I needed something hard to
pound against.
Angie came and together we flew. She was the feather. I
was the muscle. We danced until spots bloomed black in the
corners. Gid watched. I ignored him.
When the song ended, when the dance was over, Angie
watched me.
“I can take you home,” she said.
I nodded and gathered my things.
Angie’s car was a box of money made from sex. Her whole
life she sold sex without actually fucking anyone. She was perfect
in her yoga pants and sports bra. I hated her more than a little. It
wasn’t her fault but still.
“Are you still sick?” she asked.
“Sick?”
She didn’t look at me. She knew and I knew what she was
talking about. Part of me hated that she knew about the baby. This
was something between Tayla and me. Gid too. It was a wall
needing to be climbed. Only I didn’t know where to start. There
was nothing to take hold of.
Angie wasn’t judging. She was only asking a question.
“A little,” I said.
“Tayla’s a mess,” she said.
“I know.”