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4 months ago

Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

Disturbed Even the

Disturbed Even the echoes died in the halls. Servers and janitors rattled around, some of them whispering in Spanish as if they were afraid of getting in trouble for speaking their native tongue. The cafeteria was empty, and I sat by myself in Queertopia watching the light fall dusty through the windows. I had nowhere to go and nothing to do, so I sat and worried and wondered what the rest of my life was going to look like. Mr. Skarey found me all alone and tried to pry into my life. “You okay?” he asked. I shrugged. “What’s up?” he asked. I shook my head. “Where is everyone?” he asked. “Out.” Silence fell for a moment, but then he sat with me thoroughly convinced his presence was not only wanted but needed. He seemed to think he had the answers to whatever questions I had. But he didn’t. No one did. I mean, how was I supposed to go on living when the one girl I loved wouldn’t talk to me? How was I supposed to go home when I might find that Tayla had given up all hope and moved out? A baby was coming, and it was coming out of nowhere. I had no idea how I was going to raise a child and even less of an idea if I wanted to. “You seem disturbed,” Mr. Skarey said. “Aren’t we all?” I asked. “You know what I mean.” I thought for a moment of what I wanted to say to him to make him go away. I wanted to be alone. Even the voices in my head were respecting my need for silence, but here this guy was

pushing his fingers into my pie and I found myself wanting to tell him everything. “I’m pregnant,” I said, and I watched his face struggle to stay smooth, non-judgmental. “Aren’t you…” “Yes.” Confession stopped him up for a second. He swallowed, and he blinked too much too fast. Questions flickered over his face. “Is the father . . .?” he asked. “Do I know him?” I shook my head. “Is there something I should know?” he asked. “It’s just a guy,” I said. “He doesn’t go to school.” “Is there anything I can do?” he asked. “I mean, to help?” I shrugged. “I need it to be over,” I said. Silence slithered over us. He waited for me to say something more, but there was nothing more to say. When it was clear the conversation was over, he rose and leaned in close. “You know where to find me,” he said. “Absolutely.” “Good.” He stood there for a second before smiling like everything was going to be okay and walking away. I listened to his shoes slap the linoleum floor. It was time to go home. It was time to see what else could go wrong.