Far From Perfect Antiseptic walls rose from a tile floor. White cabinets hung pure and bland. Acoustic panels sucked the noise from the room. In the corner, the ultrasound machine waited for me. I lay on the exam table counting my breaths. Tayla held my hand. No voice. No faces. No Gid. The tech did her thing. My hands shook. I nearly puked. “It’s not going to hurt,” she said. Her hands were warm and strong when they lifted my shirt. It was hard to tell if my belly was bigger, rounder than yesterday or last week. I closed my eyes and waited. “I’m right here,” Tayla said. “That’s the heartbeat,” she said. A rapid flutter on the screen echoed the high pitched thunder from the speakers. “Jesus,” Tayla said. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see the heartbeat. I didn’t want to hear it. This wasn’t possible. “A miracle,” the tech said, smiling like she knew things. “You don’t know,” Tayla said, a little edgy. The tech frowned for a moment but said nothing. “There’s a hand,” she said. I turned away. “Are you okay?” the tech asked. Tears soaked into the paper under my shoulders. “She’s just emotional,” Tayla said. Doubt shaded the tech’s face. “Are you sure?” she asked. Tayla’s voice got all protective. “This isn’t easy,” she said. The tech said nothing for a while. “It’s okay,” Tayla said. “It’s real,” I said.
“I know.” Her fingers squeezed mine. “Look,” she said. When I opened my eyes, the tech stared at me, concerned, a little scared maybe. “Don’t ask,” I said. For a moment, I thought she was going to ignore me and ask anyway but then she nodded. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s okay.” She moved from hand to head, from head to spine. “Do you want know the sex?” she asked. “His name is Adam,” Gid said out of nowhere. “It’s a boy,” I said. She looked startled and the conviction in my voice. “How do you know?” Tayla asked. I looked at her, the answer in my eyes. “Oh,” she said. “Well,” the tech said, too cheerful. “Everything looks good.” “Really?” I asked. “Perfect,” she said. I shook my head. “I’m seventeen,” I said. “This is far from perfect.”
Comfortable Madness William L. Alto
Dedication For Lisa, who showed me
still the only teacher who let me g
I reached for his face, but it was
the curb. I smoked and paced, and I
med thing? Was this the start of an
Science and Spirit They made physic
Target I was neither the biggest ki
Crossing the Line In English, we ta
Episode Voices and faces bubbled ou
God Porn Four girls stood in front
Lunch Color drained away except for
Telling Secrets Miss Tris sat with
Water I danced and Tayla played. Ta
“We have to do something,” Miss
Insomnia Sun rise. Jays screamed in
Love and Madness Our bed was old. K
Someday Queertopia was the last tab
There were no words. There were no
Voices and Visions Night. Everythin
Answered Questions Tayla sat in the
A Thing Homecoming. I didn’t want
I backed away. People were really s
Tayla rolled over and looked at me.
Delusions I was too cold. White air
Room A creek ran on the edge of tow
Questions Water dribbled through a
Show Folks came through the door, t
gathered in his fists and face. I s
“I love you,” he said. Was this
Spells in the Corner The music was
Silence. We looked at Tad. He shrug
The Mormons stumbled and turned. Th
“I understand,” Tayla said. “
PE I watched the game without watch
He got off the couch and came to me
Tayla grunted in her sleep. I didn
I didn’t know that for sure. Gid
How do you explain what it was like
Air seemed to slice through me. Par
Glass The room was mine. The walls
“I love you,” she said. Sweet w
“Turn away from sin,” he shoute
down and grabbed my arm. He hauled
Secrets Sadness verged on depressio
Real Enough Orion hung in the south
Escape Tayla and Angie took me to t
We crouched behind a hedge. The cop
Shit Follows Voices told me to run.
“You’re dying,” he said. Spot
Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and
Friends Miss Tris and Tad came with
At the corner, I sat in a hard chai
Awkward Everyone stared at Angie an
The Dead On the edge of sleep, just
Real and Not Real Visiting hours st
I stared at the trees on the other
Home Part of me thought things woul
He was a wall of bone and muscle. H
She came back to the bathroom. “I
Tayla put on Duke Ellington. We hel
gulped down. That was it. This was
Worry Broken leg. Broken ribs. Disl
“She hates me,” I said, soundin
Soon I knew things. I knew someday
Open Communication Pain and oxy str
Tayla gave her the finger. I grinne
“You’ll make it,” Tad said. I
Love Oxy made everything okay. Not
Things Come Out “Sweet Jesus,”
Fight For days, we fought but we fo
“Really?” she asked. The word h
An old man stopped. He looked from
Faith There he was. Gid. In the win
The First Shot Queertopia. Tayla, r
Always and Forever I dreamed of lig
Temptation Last call. The stage emp
Empty Promises It started. But then
Gifts Music lifted into the air, br
Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal
Black birds came from the corners.
This Body I dreamed of music, compl
Miracles I was late. I was never la
laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab
“You’re talking religion,” Co
Change language