8 months ago

Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

Fair Warning Coy had

Fair Warning Coy had something to say and he couldn’t say it to me. His friends and my friends would have never understood that we had anything to say to each other. They would never understand that we had something in common. So Coy couldn’t talk to me at lunch or in class. He couldn’t even talk to me in the hallway. Because he had something to say to me, he wrote a note and the note read: You’ve decided to keep it. Good for you. Meet me in the gym after school. I tossed the note in the trash and waited for Tayla to come find me. She found me at my locker. I waited for her and she came, and she looked at my face. “Something up?” she asked. I shook my head. “Your face says you’re lying,” she said. “I have to meet Mr. Skarey after school,” I lied. Tayla looked at me and decided to believe me. I didn’t know what she would have thought if I had told her the truth. She was just getting over the whole baby’s father thing. She didn’t quite believe in Gid but she was willing to let it sit for the moment. I let her let me believe everything was okay. The rest of the day passed with the slow grind of knowing I was going to have to come up with a reason to send Tayla home without me without her knowing that I’d lied to her. Classes passed like sand over burned skin. I was brittle and nearly broken by the time the last bell rang. Tayla found me. “I can wait,” she said. “I’m okay.” “You shouldn’t have to walk all that way,” she said. “I need to get away,” I said. “Just for a moment.” She let me go and walked out to her car. I went to the gym. Echoes played along the cinder block walls. Coy waited for me in the bleachers. The room was empty of anyone but us.

“Have you thought of adoption?” he asked. “No.” I wasn’t happy about the baby, but I wasn’t doing anything to get rid of it either. I’d gotten used to the idea. It was my baby. “I told my mom,” he said. “She’s thinking about going to the school to make them kick you out until after the baby’s born. She’s going to try to get them to force you into giving it up.” “It’s my baby.” “Dykes have no right to children,” he said. “Fuck you.” I walked away. “You’re too young,” he said. “Old enough.” I was in the hall when Gid found me. “This is love,” he said with his paisley voice. “He knows nothing of love.” “Neither do you,” I said, raising a hand. Gid flinched. “Show me,” I said. He vanished. I smiled. Control, power over things were new. I liked it. I felt better knowing I could hurt him back.

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    Comfortable Madness William L. Alto

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    Dedication For Lisa, who showed me

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    still the only teacher who let me g

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    I reached for his face, but it was

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    the curb. I smoked and paced, and I

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    med thing? Was this the start of an

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    Science and Spirit They made physic

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    Target I was neither the biggest ki

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    Crossing the Line In English, we ta

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    Episode Voices and faces bubbled ou

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    God Porn Four girls stood in front

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    Lunch Color drained away except for

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    Telling Secrets Miss Tris sat with

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    Water I danced and Tayla played. Ta

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    “We have to do something,” Miss

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    Insomnia Sun rise. Jays screamed in

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    Love and Madness Our bed was old. K

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    Someday Queertopia was the last tab

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    There were no words. There were no

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    Voices and Visions Night. Everythin

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    Answered Questions Tayla sat in the

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    A Thing Homecoming. I didn’t want

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    I backed away. People were really s

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    Tayla rolled over and looked at me.

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    Delusions I was too cold. White air

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    Room A creek ran on the edge of tow

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    Questions Water dribbled through a

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    Show Folks came through the door, t

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    gathered in his fists and face. I s

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    “I love you,” he said. Was this

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    Spells in the Corner The music was

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    Silence. We looked at Tad. He shrug

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    The Mormons stumbled and turned. Th

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    “I understand,” Tayla said. “

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    PE I watched the game without watch

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    He got off the couch and came to me

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    Tayla grunted in her sleep. I didn

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    I didn’t know that for sure. Gid

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    How do you explain what it was like

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    Air seemed to slice through me. Par

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    Glass The room was mine. The walls

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    “I love you,” she said. Sweet w

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    “Turn away from sin,” he shoute

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    down and grabbed my arm. He hauled

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    Secrets Sadness verged on depressio

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    Real Enough Orion hung in the south

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    Escape Tayla and Angie took me to t

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    We crouched behind a hedge. The cop

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    Shit Follows Voices told me to run.

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    “You’re dying,” he said. Spot

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    Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and

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    Friends Miss Tris and Tad came with

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    At the corner, I sat in a hard chai

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    Awkward Everyone stared at Angie an

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    The Dead On the edge of sleep, just

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    Real and Not Real Visiting hours st

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    I stared at the trees on the other

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    Home Part of me thought things woul

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    He was a wall of bone and muscle. H

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    She came back to the bathroom. “I

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    Tayla put on Duke Ellington. We hel

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    gulped down. That was it. This was

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    Worry Broken leg. Broken ribs. Disl

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    “She hates me,” I said, soundin

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    Soon I knew things. I knew someday

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    Open Communication Pain and oxy str

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    Tayla gave her the finger. I grinne

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    “You’ll make it,” Tad said. I

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    Love Oxy made everything okay. Not

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    Things Come Out “Sweet Jesus,”

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    Fight For days, we fought but we fo

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    “Really?” she asked. The word h

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    An old man stopped. He looked from

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    Faith There he was. Gid. In the win

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    The First Shot Queertopia. Tayla, r

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    Always and Forever I dreamed of lig

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    Temptation Last call. The stage emp

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    Empty Promises It started. But then

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    Gifts Music lifted into the air, br

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    Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal

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    Black birds came from the corners.

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    This Body I dreamed of music, compl

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    Miracles I was late. I was never la

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    laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab

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    “You’re talking religion,” Co

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    Tayla’s drawn face tore at me.

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    This Is Love First, I saw his hands

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    Making Sure Posters of smiling wome

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    Something Hard and Sad Rain fell li

  • Page 181 and 182: Looking Forward Dance team girls ga
  • Page 183 and 184: Closet Water stains made dark masks
  • Page 185 and 186: “You okay?” he asked. “Fine,
  • Page 187 and 188: “The baby! Jesus, the baby!” So
  • Page 189 and 190: “I love you,” Gid said. He went
  • Page 191 and 192: “You’re not a guy,” he said.
  • Page 193 and 194: Heavy Music and movement. I spun an
  • Page 195 and 196: It felt as if my skin were going to
  • Page 197 and 198: “They did nothing to you,” Gid
  • Page 199 and 200: I smiled a fake smile. Tayla watche
  • Page 201 and 202: “Really,” I said. “They can s
  • Page 203 and 204: I closed my eyes. “Let’s go,”
  • Page 205 and 206: “What’s up?” she asked. “Te
  • Page 207 and 208: I smoked and waited. Tayla came and
  • Page 209 and 210: Waiting I danced. I danced and hope
  • Page 211 and 212: The Talk “What’s his name?” T
  • Page 213 and 214: Almost a Victim I sat on the floor
  • Page 215 and 216: pushing his fingers into my pie and
  • Page 217 and 218: “She thinks I cheated,” I said.
  • Page 219 and 220: “You know better.” Suddenly, I
  • Page 221 and 222: “You know,” she said. “No one
  • Page 223 and 224: “No,” I said. “Yes. And other
  • Page 225 and 226: “I know.” Her fingers squeezed
  • Page 227 and 228: That put an end to it.
  • Page 229 and 230: “What happens,” I asked, “if
  • Page 231: didn’t trust her because they ass
  • Page 235 and 236: “I have some newborn clothes here
  • Page 237 and 238: Safe Dead folks filled the room wit
  • Page 239 and 240: Consequences Mr. Skarey’s office
  • Page 241 and 242: A Domestic Moment I lay on the bed
  • Page 243 and 244: Birth It started with a rush of wat
  • Page 245 and 246: When they handed me my son, I cried
  • Page 247: He fought with me, but there was a