Dedication For Lisa, who showed me how to fight the worst demons.
Acknowledgements I have been writing since before I was even old enough to know the alphabet and my stories were just stick figure pictures of cats going on adventures. Now that this book is in your hands, my ultimate life goal has been achieved. I’ll have to start thinking of some new ones soon, I guess. Seeing Norway would be cool; I’ve got a little Viking blood. But before I do that, I need to make sure I get out my immeasurable, extreme, totally mushy gratitude to everyone who helped me along this journey. First, I want to thank Mike and Gail O’Connell for their endless patience, guidance, and general kindness. Without you, none of this would have been possible, and I am so, so insanely beyond words to thank you for recognizing me in that little coffee shop in Toms River years ago. You are both amazing, as are the rest of the staff at Hibernian Publishing who put their valuable time and effort into transforming this manuscript into a book. Thank you, also, to Lisa, for always encouraging me every step of the way and for being my biggest supporter every minute. Thank you for your hours and hours of listening to me vent and especially for reading this even though it scared you. You are amazing, and I am so blessed to have worked with you for the past decade. Thank you to my parents for letting me spend hours of time locked in my room and writing/drawing away when I should have been emptying the dishwasher or folding my laundry. Especially to my daddy, who passed on a lot of badass traits, but particularly a love of all things creepy and gory. I love you so much. Thank you to Mr. Neid, wherever you are, for letting me write creative stories far beyond the allowed word count and for reading them and cheering me on anyway. Also, for not yelling at me for reading Goosebumps under my desk. To this day, you are
Questions Water dribbled through a
Show Folks came through the door, t
gathered in his fists and face. I s
“I love you,” he said. Was this
Spells in the Corner The music was
Silence. We looked at Tad. He shrug
The Mormons stumbled and turned. Th
“I understand,” Tayla said. “
PE I watched the game without watch
He got off the couch and came to me
Tayla grunted in her sleep. I didn
I didn’t know that for sure. Gid
How do you explain what it was like
Air seemed to slice through me. Par
Glass The room was mine. The walls
“I love you,” she said. Sweet w
“Turn away from sin,” he shoute
down and grabbed my arm. He hauled
Secrets Sadness verged on depressio
Real Enough Orion hung in the south
Escape Tayla and Angie took me to t
We crouched behind a hedge. The cop
Shit Follows Voices told me to run.
“You’re dying,” he said. Spot
Emergency Darkness. Thick, vast and
Friends Miss Tris and Tad came with
At the corner, I sat in a hard chai
Awkward Everyone stared at Angie an
The Dead On the edge of sleep, just
Real and Not Real Visiting hours st
I stared at the trees on the other
Home Part of me thought things woul
He was a wall of bone and muscle. H
She came back to the bathroom. “I
Tayla put on Duke Ellington. We hel
gulped down. That was it. This was
Worry Broken leg. Broken ribs. Disl
“She hates me,” I said, soundin
Soon I knew things. I knew someday
Open Communication Pain and oxy str
Tayla gave her the finger. I grinne
“You’ll make it,” Tad said. I
Love Oxy made everything okay. Not
Things Come Out “Sweet Jesus,”
Fight For days, we fought but we fo
“Really?” she asked. The word h
An old man stopped. He looked from
Faith There he was. Gid. In the win
The First Shot Queertopia. Tayla, r
Always and Forever I dreamed of lig
Temptation Last call. The stage emp
Empty Promises It started. But then
Gifts Music lifted into the air, br
Object of Admiration Mr. Skarey cal
Black birds came from the corners.
This Body I dreamed of music, compl
Miracles I was late. I was never la
laughing. I had nothing to laugh ab
“You’re talking religion,” Co
Tayla’s drawn face tore at me.
This Is Love First, I saw his hands
Making Sure Posters of smiling wome
Something Hard and Sad Rain fell li
Looking Forward Dance team girls ga
Closet Water stains made dark masks
“You okay?” he asked. “Fine,
“The baby! Jesus, the baby!” So
“I love you,” Gid said. He went
“You’re not a guy,” he said.
Heavy Music and movement. I spun an
It felt as if my skin were going to
“They did nothing to you,” Gid
I smiled a fake smile. Tayla watche
“Really,” I said. “They can s
I closed my eyes. “Let’s go,”
“What’s up?” she asked. “Te
I smoked and waited. Tayla came and
Waiting I danced. I danced and hope
The Talk “What’s his name?” T
Almost a Victim I sat on the floor
pushing his fingers into my pie and
“She thinks I cheated,” I said.
“You know better.” Suddenly, I
“You know,” she said. “No one
“No,” I said. “Yes. And other
“I know.” Her fingers squeezed
That put an end to it.
“What happens,” I asked, “if
didn’t trust her because they ass
“Have you thought of adoption?”
“I have some newborn clothes here
Safe Dead folks filled the room wit
Consequences Mr. Skarey’s office
A Domestic Moment I lay on the bed
Birth It started with a rush of wat
When they handed me my son, I cried
He fought with me, but there was a