7 months ago

Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

Return I neither slept

Return I neither slept nor woke. It was not a dream, but it was. Tayla’s ass pressed hot against my hip. Mattress springs jabbed me in the kidneys. My lungs struggled. I couldn’t move. Something heavy pressed me into the earth. Bones turned to stone. Blood to water. Flesh to mud. I faded, but then Gid called my name. I rose, Lazarus-like. He walked with me. Heat rolled from him in bright waves like a lily opening. Everything rose in angles. Mountains ate at the horizon, purple and sharp as broken teeth. The sky arced over us, endless and smooth as marble. “This is beautiful,” I said. He reached out to me. My flesh crawled. “Don’t do that,” he said. He sounded almost sad. The edges of his body frayed a little. A strange sympathy stirred through me. But then his fingers pressed against my throat. White fire flared. I would’ve screamed had I been able. “I’m sorry,” he said. “This is needed.” Everything quivered. “Look,” he said. I opened my eyes. “This is what there is,” he said. The ground rose around me, grinding and crushing. Darkness. I was a stain, all tears and shit. All I had left was a skeletal hope that this would end somehow, that the sun would rise and rescue me.

Questions Water dribbled through a space in the Shack’s ceiling. The air was dim and smoky. Miss Tris sat in a lawn chair, stoned, staring at the wavering flags from our cigarettes. “Do you believe in God?” I asked. She looked at me with soft, fuzzy eyes. Today, orange light spiked around her. “What do you mean?” she asked. “Do you think God is real?” I asked. A smile spread in her gentle face. Her eyes blinked slowly while she thought. “Not sure,” she said. Her hands reached for something only she could see. “Why do you ask?” she asked. “I met a guy,” I said. That got her focused for a moment. “A guy?” I nodded. “A guy guy?” Another nod. “That complicates things.” A hint of disapproval echoed in her mouth. “It’s not love,” I said. “He comes when he comes.” “Physical though?” she asked. “Not sure,” I said. Confusion in her face. Slowly, the words tumbled into the room. They gathered in a huge pile of crazy. It was all so ridiculous and sad and real. It was solid and scary. “I think maybe he’s a god,” I said. She laughed. “What gave you that idea?” he said. “I don’t know,” I said.