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6 months ago

Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

She put her hand on my

She put her hand on my knee. “It’s just a thing,” she said. “It’ll pass.” I nodded. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this was what my life was now. Fear. Shame. Pain.

Show Folks came through the door, talking and shuffling around the seats with their programs and social skills. I watched them through a crack in the curtain. They mixed and talked. Voices turned to white noise. Nerves twanged through my chest. I felt sick. I felt high. I shivered and stretched in the wings. Angie rubbed the muscles along my spine. “We’re going to fly,” she said. I always got this way before a show. I wanted to run and I wanted to tear my own heart out. Sweat turned my palms slick. When the lights changed, Angie and I took to the stage. We stood and waited and music ramped up out of nothing. Hard rhythms rattled ribs and the floors. Movement. A moment of absolute terror before my body took over and made everything magic. The world dropped away. I was no longer the fat, manly girl. I was light and heat. Angie was a ball of lightning. But then, he was there. He stood in the wings, watching, wrapped in twilight. I nearly fell. I nearly froze, but I didn’t. I sucked in hot air and spun away. Time turned to water. Things got real simple. Move. Lift and spin. This was love. This was power. This was strength. This would save me from everything.