8 months ago

Comfortable Madness First PDF 4-13-18

“I’m sorry,” I

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Me too,” she said. We sat there a long time, waiting for the right moment to get up and pretend nothing happened.

Glass The room was mine. The walls were blank though. Still, somewhere, something rattled like glass in a wind storm. Naked and cold, I felt the music coming from the walls to rub against my skin like a large, unwanted dog. The light here was thick, the color of a winter storm, smooth as a marble floor. The bed was where the bed was supposed to be, and I lay on it staring out the window at Mt. Hood. Only Mt. Hood was too far away to see at night. The ceiling, too, was so far above me I couldn’t see the webs in the corners. Gid came. He came from somewhere behind me. I couldn’t see his face. I couldn’t see his hands. He said nothing. He came to the middle of the room and there was music. Miles Davis blasted the space between us. “Come,” he said. He reached out and took my hand. I didn’t remember reaching for him, but he lifted me to my feet and I lay my head on his chest. Music circled us. His warm hands wrapped themselves around my waist and held me tight. I knew what was coming. I hated the thought of it. More than anything, I wanted to wake and for it to be over. Anxiety and nausea flooded through me. I gagged and choked. “Hush,” he said. “You’re okay.” How could I be okay? How could this happen to me? Tears rolled from my eyes, little bits of disgust and fear. Gid touched them, one at a time, letting them soak into his fingertips. When he lifted me up, I twisted and fought a little. His hands squeezed me until I couldn’t breathe. “Hush,” he said. “This is going to hurt.” Things got too heavy. Gid kissed my spine, between the shoulder blades. He took me to the bed. When he pushed into me, I