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5 months ago

Covey - The 7 habits of highly effective people

Primary and Secondary

Primary and Secondary Greatness My experience with my son, my study of perception and my reading of the success literature coalesced to create one of those "Aha!" experiences in life when suddenly things click into place. I was suddenly able to see the powerful impact of the personality ethic and to clearly understand those subtle, often consciously unidentified discrepancies between what I knew to be true -- some things I had been taught many years ago as a child and things that were deep in my own inner sense of value -- and the quick fix philosophies that surrounded me every day. I understood at a deeper level why, as I had worked through the years with people from all walks of life, I had found that the things I was teaching and knew to be effective were often at variance with these popular voices. I am not suggesting that elements of the personality ethic -- personality growth, communication skill training, and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking -- are not beneficial, in fact sometimes essential for success. I believe they are. But these are secondary, not primary traits. Perhaps, in utilizing our human capacity to build on the foundation of generations before us, we have inadvertently become so focused on our own building that we have forgotten the foundation that holds it up; or in reaping for so long where we have not sown, perhaps we have forgotten the need to sow. If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other -- while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity and insincerity -- then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do -- even using so-called good human relations techniques -- will be perceived as manipulative. It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success. Only basic goodness gives life to technique. To focus on technique is like cramming your way through school. You sometimes get by, perhaps even get good grades, but if you don't pay the price day in and day out, you never achieve true mastery of the subjects you study or develop an educated mind. Did you ever consider how ridiculous it would be to try to cram on a farm -- to forget to plant in the spring, play all summer and then cram in the fall to bring in the harvest? The farm is a natural system. The price must be paid and the process followed. You always reap what you sow; there is no shortcut. This principle is also true, ultimately, in human behavior, in human relationships. They, too, are natural systems based on the The Law of the Harvest. In the short run, in an artificial social system such as school, you may be able to get by if you learn how to manipulate the man-made rules, to "play the game." In most one-shot or short-lived human interactions, you can use the personality ethic to get by and to make favorable impressions through charm and skill and pretending to be interested in other people's hobbies. You can pick up quick, easy techniques that may work in short-term situations. But secondary traits alone have no permanent worth in long-term relationships. Eventually, if there isn't deep integrity and fundamental character strength, the challenges of life will cause true motives to surface and human relationship failure will replace short-term success. Many people with secondary greatness -- that is, social recognition for their talents -- lack primary greatness or goodness in their character. Sooner or later, you'll see this in every 9

long-term relationship they have, whether it is with a business associate, a spouse, a friend, or a teenage child going through an identity crisis. It is character that communicates most eloquently. As Emerson once put it, "What you are shouts so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what you say." There are, of course, situations where people have character strength but they lack communication skills, and that undoubtedly affects the quality of relationships as well. But the effects are still secondary. In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do. We all know it. There are people we trust absolutely because we know their character. Whether they're eloquent or not, whether they have the human relations techniques or not, we trust them, and we work successfully with them. In the words of William George Jordan, "Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil -- the silent unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be." The Power of a Paradigm The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People embody many of the fundamental principles of human effectiveness. These habits are basic; they are primary. They represent the internalization of correct principles upon which enduring happiness and success are based. But before we can really understand these Seven Habits TM, we need to understand our own "paradigms" and how to make a "A Paradigm Shift TM." Both the The Character Ethic The Personality Ethic are examples of social paradigms. The word paradigm comes from the Greek. It was originally a scientific term, and is more commonly used today to mean a model, theory, perception, assumption, or frame of reference. In the more general sense, it's the way we "see" the world -- not in terms of our visual sense of sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, and interpreting. For our purposes, a simple way to understand paradigms is to see them as maps. We all know that "the map is not the territory." A map is simply an explanation of certain aspects of the territory. That's exactly what a paradigm is. It is a theory, an explanation, or model of something else. Suppose you wanted to arrive at a specific location in central Chicago. A street map of the city would be a great help to you in reaching your destination. But suppose you were given the wrong map. Through a printing error, the map labeled "Chicago" was actually a map of Detroit. Can you imagine the frustration, the ineffectiveness of trying to reach your destination? You might work on your behavior -- you could try harder, being more diligent, doubling your speed. But your efforts would only succeed in getting you to the wrong place faster. You might work on your attitude -- you could think more positively. You still wouldn't get to the right place, but perhaps you wouldn't care. Your attitude would be so positive, you'd be happy wherever you were. The point is, you'd still be lost. The fundamental problem has nothing to do with your behavior or your attitude. It has everything to do with having a wrong map. 10

  • Page 1 and 2: THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIV
  • Page 3 and 4: These principles, however, are like
  • Page 5 and 6: Stephen Covey adds great value to a
  • Page 7 and 8: I have a forceful personality. I kn
  • Page 9: This personality ethic, I began to
  • Page 13 and 14: The professor then asked one studen
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  • Page 17 and 18: Shortly after dark, the lookout on
  • Page 19 and 20: The more closely our maps or paradi
  • Page 21 and 22: So I first tried a simple request.
  • Page 23 and 24: There's so much to do. And there's
  • Page 25 and 26: But from my own experience -- both
  • Page 27 and 28: interdependent, that there is an ec
  • Page 29 and 30: Understanding the sequence will hel
  • Page 31 and 32: training, the communicating, the re
  • Page 33 and 34: trust, and lost the asset of custom
  • Page 35 and 36: disappear. Those you teach will see
  • Page 37 and 38: "You're never on time." "Why can't
  • Page 39 and 40: instincts and conditioning and cond
  • Page 41 and 42: such personal freedom and the effec
  • Page 43 and 44: you to act. If you wait to be acted
  • Page 45 and 46: "Think hard. What do you think woul
  • Page 47 and 48: Because of position, wealth, role,
  • Page 49 and 50: So these executives focused on find
  • Page 51 and 52: We can decide to be dishonest in ou
  • Page 53 and 54: Knowing that we are responsible --
  • Page 55 and 56: When I look upon the tombs of the g
  • Page 57 and 58: Whether we are aware of it or not,
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    Succeed at home first. Seek and mer

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    so-called mental and emotional illn

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    When we are dependent on the person

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    Innocent pleasures in moderation ca

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    Because the church is a formal orga

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    If you are Money Centered... SECURI

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    WISDOM You see the world through a

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    We can depend on them Principles do

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    POWER Your power is limited only by

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    Fourth, you can communicate to your

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    many different kinds of thought pro

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    We would try to get him in a very r

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    I inspire: I teach by example that

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    When we plan our family goals and a

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    "Everybody," he replied. "Everybody

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    Application Suggestions 1. Take the

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    Management, remember, is clearly di

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    with the bath water," reverting to

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    was to enforce the contract -- to c

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    There are many people who recognize

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    Coherence: Coherence suggests that

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    mission statement, you may want to

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    all day. Remember, frustration is a

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    it! -- Don't take it!" I was afraid

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    "You, Dad?" "No, not me. You're the

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    I bit my tongue and waited until af

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    Application Suggestions: 1. Identif

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    "Well, you'd like to take a screwdr

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    And this is in the most intimate, t

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    Our tendency is to project out of o

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    "I thought you meant that the quali

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    you are honest and open and kind wi

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    When we violate the primary laws of

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    deep personal affection which added

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    Habit 4: Think Win-Win TM -- Princi

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    "My parents don't love me as much a

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    I know of a divorce in which the hu

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    "In other words, you lost." "That's

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    worked to set up a Win-Win Agreemen

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    High courage and consideration are

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    communication process. You listen m

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    people be able to do when they fini

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    guidelines, and resources to make s

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    40. The spirit of win-win had signi

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    Roger Fisher and William Ury, two H

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    Habit 5: Seek First to Understand,

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    and influence, I don't feel safe en

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    You're listening to understand. You

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    Sandra described the symptoms and h

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    esults in communication. To many, s

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    "I know you've sacrificed, Dad. But

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    What a difference real understandin

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    I remember writing one time in a ro

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    trust of another person's communica

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    Habit 5 is something you can practi

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    Habit 6: Synergize TM Principles of

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    hit-or-miss, trial and error. And u

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    very open and authentic and simply

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    Synergy means that 1 + 1 may equal

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    arrange for some help at the first

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    "I know," he replied with a forced

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    He also developed charley horses fr

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    scheduled payments were met. It was

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    Application Suggestions 1. Think ab

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    "Sharpen the Saw" basically means e

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    If you haven't been exercising, you

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    This is why I believe a personal mi

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    centered on the principles of perso

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    diminishes us. It increases us beca

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    create negative force field resista

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    closer we align ourselves with corr

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    The children looked forward to the

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    Sandra and I were amazed at what we

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    Becoming a Transition Person Among

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    Again, T. S. Eliot expresses so bea

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    * * If your center is Pleasure... S

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    This is the way you may tend to per

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    Many third-generation time managers

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    Preparing the media budget. Regardi

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    produce interesting and creative wa

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