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4 months ago

Bourge-wise Cat

DOCTOR: Hey, they’re

DOCTOR: Hey, they’re my mascot. You can’t blame them for celebrating our President’s many huge victories. PATIENT: I’m not only seeing elephants, doc—I’m also seeing strange things on your wall . . . DOCTOR: What things? PATIENT: Gaudy diplomas . . . Are they all yours? What’s that red, white and blue one with a dollar sign for the S’s in USA! USA! USA! DOCTOR: Look, why don’t you lie back on the examining table and close your eyes . . . PATIENT (reluctantly complying): If I may ask, where did you do your residency? DOCTOR: My what? PATIENT: The hospital where you—Wait, let me back up: what medical school did you graduate from? DOCTOR: From the best! PATIENT: I’m . . . starting . . . to feel . . . groggy. DOCTOR: Ah, good. By the way, I’m putting you on notice. PATIENT (opening his eyes): What does that mean? DOCTOR: It means that your anxieties and your fake-news triggered D.T.’s soon will soon be like they never happened, take my word for it. (He removes his surgical cap, runs a hand through his mane of blond hair.) PATIENT: Oh no—give me another sedative, quick! Author bio: Fred White's humorous fiction and satires have appeared in Clockwise Cat #s 29 and 38; also in Praxis, Every Day Fiction, Satire and More, and Pidgeonholes. He lives near Sacramento, CA.

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