MSWA Bulletin Magazine Autumn 18

MY WIFE HAS MS
CARL MARCHE
“How much do you weigh?” I asked.
It was an innocent question, but after 22 years of marriage
I should have known better when the look of impending
damnation came, as my wife slowly raised her head from the
book she was reading.
“Okay, how about this then….” as I proceeded cautiously,
“are you close to 49kg?”
“Why?” she said, in a long-guarded tone that implied I could
have been after the secret code to the nukes.
“It’s just that I have been reading about the Wife Carrying
World Championships held annually in Finland, and the rules
state that the minimum weight of the wife to be carried in the
race is 49kg. It looks like fun and I thought we could give it go.”
Not surprisingly there was silence and a slight shaking of the
head as she turned the page and continued to read her novel.
It was Melbourne Cup Day in 2005. We both sat together in
the waiting room of Royal Perth Hospital, brought there by a
bout of Optic Neuritis, pondering the cause of this illness that
had rudely interrupted our busy lives.
We assumed that after powering through the birth of 4
children, my wife’s previous complaints of fatigue, imbalance
and limb numbness were simply caused by the demands of
parenting. Loss of eyesight in one eye however, told us there
was something very wrong and had us thinking the worst.
The lovely neurologist who presided over us soon provided
the diagnosis: multiple sclerosis.
Since that time, I have lost count of the number of times I have
said to people, “My wife has MS”.
At first, and now looking back, the way I said it was more
about me than her. I was coming to terms with it! Yes, I felt
bad for her having to go through this, but talking about it to
others was really about working through how it would affect
me, and the uncertainties I had. How will this impact the kids,
what if she couldn’t work, how would we pay the bills, what
if we couldn’t travel and continue with the perfect life we had
planned? I was just the stereotypical man who really viewed
things initially from my perspective.
But now, I say “My wife has MS” to anyone who will listen, and
it is said with a massive amount of pride. No, I would not wish
MS on anyone and its chaotic and random decline is horrible,
but what I have learned on this journey with her, is what an
incredibly strong and amazingly resilient human she is.
The inner beauty and peace that attracted me to her many
years ago has risen to outshine the physical limitations that
she endures daily and her appreciation of the simple beauties
of life around her, despite the daily obstacles, is awe-inspiring.
MS has brought us together, closer than I think we would ever
have achieved without it.
“It’s only 13,000kms from Perth to Finland,” I said, “and this
sport is made for us” as I continued to read out aloud the first
four rules set by the International Wife Carrying Competition.
May I say, they seemed so relevant for many people partnered
on an MS-related journey.
RULE 1. The wife to be carried may be your own, or the
neighbor’s, or you may have found her further afield. Well we
don’t know in life, at times of need, who may carry us or for
whom we may be the carrier.
RULE 2. The length of the official track is 253.5 meters and
has two dry obstacles and a water obstacle about one metre
deep. Obstacles – talk to someone with MS and they will tell
you about obstacles. That is one area in which they have an
intimate knowledge. Obstacles, we step right over you, albeit
very slowly and carefully.
RULE 3. Each contestant takes care of his/her safety and all
participants must enjoy themselves. The way we battle every
day, take responsibility for, and even choose to be happy in
the face of MS is our individual choice.
RULE 4. The minimum weight of the wife to be carried is
49kgs but any higher weight is acceptable. As the load gets
heavier, we have no choice but to get stronger.
“We have never been overseas together, so this could be our
first trip now that the kids are getting older,” I said.
Whether it was just to humour me, or if she had a genuine
interest I am yet to determine, but she eventually said, “54kg”.
“GREAT!” I exclaimed. “That means you only have to lose 5kg
to get to the minimum weight, and being over 40, we qualify
for the ‘Seniors’ class of the competition.”
“Why the look? What did I say this time?”
Note: At the time of publication the author is yet to have
gained permission to lift his wife on to his shoulders, but
the enthusiasm is ever-present.
MSWA BULLETIN AUTUMN 2018 | 13