Get Out! GAY Magazine – Issue 383 – September 5, 2018

THOMAS
TALKS
ABOUT: AGE
I’m 22 and recently
started dating someone
in his early 40s. My
friends have made a
few jokes about it, but
agree that he’s hot. I’m
starting to feel a little
bit self-conscious when
we go out, like people
are looking at us. Is
there anything wrong
with dating someone
this much older than
me? - Male, Gay, 22
I think when there is a
large age difference
between people, the
best way to gauge if
it’s an issue or not is by
examining if you’re both
in the same place in life
and if you want the same
things for the future. As
for your friends, unless
the guy is a jerk or treats
you poorly, they will
eventually get over it and
appreciate that you’re
happy, or at least one
would hope they would.
Yeah, people might be
looking in public; I can’t
guarantee that they
aren’t. But, why do you
care? You can’t control
if people will or won’t,
so if you’re going to
move forward with the
relationship, you might
as well practice ignoring
them.
I turned 47 last week,
and I’ve dated a lot
of guys off and on,
[but] very few serious
relationships. Part of
me just thinks that
maybe I’m done dating.
I love my life, and I’m
sincerely happy, but I
still feel pressure to try
and be in a relationship.
How can I get over
thinking I should be
dating someone? -
Male, Gay, 47
If you’re single and
happy, that’s a great
place to be. Contrary
to most depictions in
popular media, you
don’t have to be in
a relationship to be
happy or have a full
life. When you notice
yourself thinking “I
should be dating,”
remind yourself that this
“should” doesn’t really
exist. It’s not a law or
a rule. If anything, it’s
just something society
has said you “should”
want. “The other half”
is a fallacy, and you’re
a whole person with or
without a relationship—
which it sounds like you
already know.
For pretty much my
entire life I’ve dated
both men and women.
Last weekend my
mother told me that I
need to make up my
mind and date either
men or women. She
told me she keeps
hoping I’m going to
be straight when I
date men and then
has to “deal” with me
being gay when I date
women. Should I have
grown out of this? -
Female, Bi, 34
I don’t think we grow
out of what gender or
sex we fall in love with.
You could strategically
only date one if you
wanted, but I’m guessing
that’s not what you
want. In terms of mom,
you could potentially
talk to her about your
sexuality (again), or
stop introducing her to
people you’re dating
until things are more
serious. Depending on
the relationship you
have with her, you could
also have a more direct
conversation with her
about why it’s difficult for
her. But, date who you
want—it’s your choice,
not hers.
Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: ThomasTalksAbout@gmail.com
@ThomasWhitfield84

TOBACCO
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THIS
LIFE IS
NON-
TOXIC

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Jae Suh Park, star of Netflix’s “Friends
From College,” seems to have it all—
talent, smarts and beauty, a handsome
and talented husband, a beautiful
daughter and a hit show. Best of all,
she is funny, playful and does not take
herself too seriously.
Modesty aside, how would you
describe yourself?
Girl’s girl. Home creator. Plant whisperer.
Smart ass.
As a successful Korean-American
actress, do you see a shift in
Hollywood in diversity, specifically in
regards to Asian-American roles?
Most definitely. I don’t think you can
cast a project now without thinking
about diversity, and that’s great. But
now we have to think about making
those roles full-fleshed and threedimensional,
and that will take time.
Did you see the film “Crazy Rich
Asians”? If so, what did you think?
Never heard of it… Of course I saw
“Crazy Rich Asians”! Well, I love romcoms,
and it did not disappoint. It’s a
fun summer flick you can go see with a
date, your girlfriends and your mom. I
think what’s so special about the film is
that it’s a universal story brought alive by
Asian faces. We are relating to them as
full-fleshed, three-dimensional people,
and that does a lot for our society.
How does it feel to be on a hit
Netflix show like “Friends From
College”?
I feel super grateful. Not only am I
on a show, but I get to work with the
kindest, funniest, most talented cast and
crew. Apparently this is not always the
case, so it’s not too shabby that I get
to experience this as my first serious,
regular gig.
What advice do you have for young
Asian actresses who are navigating
lack of roles for people of color in
Hollywood?
Be true to who you are. Believe your
voice matters and that there’s only one
you. You may be Asian, or a person of
color, but you’re not all Asians or all
persons of color. Stay in your lane, and
do your best to stay sane!

What do you do on your days
off to decompress?
Well, when you have a child,
there’s really no “day off,” but
lately when I do get some time to
myself it usually involves a glass of
wine and “Queer Eye.”
Tell me about your fans when
they recognize you in public.
I hardly ever get recognized, and
when I do it’s more of, “Do I know
you from somewhere? You look
familiar.” Usually they think we
shop at the same Trader Joe’s.
What is your favorite charity or
cause?
I just recently became involved
with Best Buddies. It’s kind
of like a mash-up of Special
Olympics and Big Brother/Big
Sister. Its mission is to establish a
global volunteer movement that
creates opportunities for oneto-one
friendships, integrated
employment and leadership
development for people with
intellectual and developmental
disabilities (IDD). Especially in this
social climate, what a beautiful way
to celebrate inclusion and love.
What project(s) do you have
coming up?
At this point, I’m back pounding
the pavement again. We wrapped
season two a little bit ago. We
shoot in New York, so I spent a few
months going back and forth from
LA to NY. That was one hell of a
commute! I’m just recharging and
waiting to see what adventures will
come to be.
Tell me a secret—a good one!
Never! I’m great at keeping
secrets… just like my character.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
What is the most important information
I should know about BIKTARVY ® ?
BIKTARVY may cause serious
side effects:
} Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV)
infection. If you have both HIV-1 and
HBV and stop taking BIKTARVY, your
HBV may suddenly get worse. Do not
stop taking BIKTARVY without first
talking to your healthcare provider, as
they will need to monitor your health.
Who should not take BIKTARVY?
Do not take BIKTARVY if you take:
} dofetilide
} r i f a m p i n
} any other medicines to treat HIV-1
What are the other possible side
effects of BIKTARVY?
Serious side effects of BIKTARVY may
also include:
} Changes in your immune system. Your
immune system may get stronger
and begin to fight infections. Tell your
healthcare provider if you have any
new symptoms after you start
taking BIKTARVY.
} Kidney problems, including kidney
failure. Your healthcare provider should
do blood and urine tests to check your
kidneys. If you develop new or worse
kidney problems, they may tell you to
stop taking BIKTARVY.
} Too much lactic acid in your blood
(lactic acidosis), which is a serious but
rare medical emergency that can lead
to death. Tell your healthcare provider
right away if you get these symptoms:
weakness or being more tired than
usual, unusual muscle pain, being short
of breath or fast breathing, stomach
pain with nausea and vomiting, cold
or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy
or lightheaded, or a fast or
abnormal heartbeat.
} Severe liver problems, which in rare
cases can lead to death. Tell your
healthcare provider right away if you
get these symptoms: skin or the white
part of your eyes turns yellow, dark
“tea-colored” urine, light-colored
stools, loss of appetite for several
days or longer, nausea, or stomacharea
pain.
The most common side effects of
BIKTARVY in clinical studies were
diarrhea (6%), nausea (5%), and
headache (5%). Tell your healthcare
provider if you have any side effects
that bother you or don’t go away.
What should I tell my healthcare
provider before taking BIKTARVY?
} All your health problems. Be sure to tell
your healthcare provider if you have or
have had any kidney or liver problems,
including hepatitis virus infection.
} All the medicines you take, including
prescription and over-the-counter
medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins,
and herbal supplements. BIKTARVY
and other medicines may affect each
other. Keep a list of all your medicines
and show it to your healthcare provider
and pharmacist, and ask if it is safe
to take BIKTARVY with all of your
other medicines.
} If you are pregnant or plan to become
pregnant. It is not known if BIKTARVY
can harm your unborn baby. Tell your
healthcare provider if you become
pregnant while taking BIKTARVY.
} If you are breastfeeding (nursing) or
plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed.
HIV-1 can be passed to the baby in
breast milk.
You are encouraged to report negative
side effects of prescription drugs to
the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch,
or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Ask your healthcare provider if
BIKTARVY is right for you.
Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including
important warnings, on the following page.

KEEP
PUSHING.
Because HIV doesn’t change who you are.
What is BIKTARVY?
BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat
HIV-1 in adults. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1
medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines
and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements.
BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS.
BIKTARVY.COM

(bik-TAR-vee)
IMPORTANT FACTS
This is only a brief summary of
important information about BIKTARVY ®
and does not replace talking to
your healthcare provider about your
condition and your treatment.
MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT BIKTARVY
BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:
• Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. If you have both HIV-1 and
HBV, your HBV may suddenly get worse if you stop taking BIKTARVY. Do
not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider,
as they will need to check your health regularly for several months.
ABOUT BIKTARVY
BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used
to treat HIV-1 in adults. It can either be used in people who have never taken
HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1
medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain
requirements.
BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that
causes AIDS.
Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains:
• dofetilide
• rifampin
• any other medicines to treat HIV-1
BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY
Tell your healthcare provider all your medical conditions,
including if you:
• Have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis infection.
• Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant.
• Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed if you
have HIV-1 because of the risk of passing HIV-1 to your baby.
Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take:
• Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-the-counter medicines,
antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your
healthcare provider and pharmacist.
• Ask your healthcare provider or pharmacist about medicines that interact
with BIKTARVY.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF BIKTARVY
BIKTARVY can cause serious side effects, including:
• Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section.
• Changes in your immune system.
• New or worse kidney problems, including kidney failure.
• Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious
but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare
provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being
more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast
breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands
and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat.
• Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell
your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin
or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine,
light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea,
or stomach-area pain.
• The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were
diarrhea (6%), nausea (5%), and headache (5%).
These are not all the possible side effects of BIKTARVY. Tell your healthcare
provider right away if you have any new symptoms while taking BIKTARVY.
Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health
before and during treatment with BIKTARVY.
HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY
Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.
GET MORE INFORMATION
• This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY.
Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more.
• Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5.
• If you need help paying for your medicine, visit BIKTARVY.com for
program information.
BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, LOVE WHAT’S INSIDE, GILEAD,
and the GILEAD Logo are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or
its related companies.
Version date: February 2018
© 2018 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. BVYC0051 06/18

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BY IAN-MICHAEL BERGERON
@ianmichaelinwonderland
The other day, I got a
message from an old friend
wanting to catch up.
I hadn’t seen him in a long
time: to be honest, I’m not
sure we’d ever actually hung
out before, other than seeing
each other out and about
and asking the obligatory,
“How are you, What have
you been up to, How’s the
boyfriend?” All the same,
I didn’t find it odd that he
wanted to get together, and
I had a huge crush on him
when I was single, so we met
at Therapy for a happy hour
drink.
I didn’t know a ton about my
old friend, so I asked: “How
are you, What have you been
up to, How’s the boyfriend?”
He was doing well, mostly up
to work, and the boyfriend
was fantastic. “We’ve just
decided to open up our
relationship,” he said,
smiling. “So he’s been taking
full advantage.”
PHOTO: STEVE BRENNAN
WARDROBE: PHOTO BY STEVE NATHAN BRENNAN AYON
Three’s Company
I didn’t know him or his
boyfriend well enough to
know if he was being bitter,
so I just smiled awkwardly.
“That’s fun?”
“Oh, it is. I’ve been having
threesomes, only not with
him—it’s been interesting.”
“Mmhm.” I sipped my
margarita.
“How’s your boyfriend, by
the way?”
Mmhm. “J’s good, he’s been
doing some acting here and
there, and—“
“Are you guys open?” He
stared at me with his big,
bright blue eyes, still holding
his empty glass, eager.
“We’re both more the
monogamous type,” I
started, still
sipping. “Not
that I have
anything
against open
relationships,”
I said, honestly.
“I’m a jealous
person;
monogamy has
always been my
thing.”
“You two really
should try
it,” he went
on, ordering
another drink.
Mentally, I
checked out.
This old friend
of mine wasn’t
the first person
to ask for a
threesome
with my boyfriend and I: In
fact, he was the sixth. When I
started dating a 22 year old,
and started posting photos
with him, several boys
came out of the woodwork,
wondering, “How are you,
What have you been up to,
Can I fuck your boyfriend?”
Not that I don’t find it
flattering, on some level...
On another level, it’s
insulting that they’re coming
out now because they want
to fuck him. If they wanted
to fuck me, they would’ve
reached out in January, when
I was single.
On another hand, maybe
it’s not about fucking him,
or fucking me. Is the whole
allure wanting to be with a
couple?
I’ve only had one threesome,
with a friend and his bestie
visiting from Australia. I’ve
never been with a couple:
Could it be, once you go
couple, you don’t go back?
And back at Therapy, I
looked at my old friend and
wondered: Why is it that he
wants to be a couple’s third,
but doesn’t want a third for
his own couple? Is it more
fun being the third?
When I told him we don’t
have any kind of open
relationship, he asked for
the check and claimed he
had to go back to work for
an important meeting. I
assumed this was code for,
“Going to find someone
who is interested,” sat back,
and continued sipping my
margarita.