places where i have dissociated
a collection of art, photography, poetry, and prose about -- well, places where we have dissociated. with contributions from aífe kearns, a real ghost, constantin ciornei, crumbs, djordje matic, laramie danger, livali wyle, roan mackinnon runge, rowan morrison, rufus elliot, and waverly sm.
a collection of art, photography, poetry, and prose about -- well, places where we have dissociated. with contributions from aífe kearns, a real ghost, constantin ciornei, crumbs, djordje matic, laramie danger, livali wyle, roan mackinnon runge, rowan morrison, rufus elliot, and waverly sm.
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“VIII”<br />
I stroke your hair. You fall asleep.<br />
I lie awake and count my teeth.<br />
I run my tongue over and over<br />
the smooth broad wall of molar<br />
in the lower right side of my jaw.<br />
In the museum, we saw a skull that had two teeth. A person like you and me,<br />
but only the upper left side of their jaw. I compared their thigh bone to<br />
yours and declared they were not that tall.<br />
I've always known my blood lines.<br />
My teeth are my grandmother's.<br />
She doesn't <strong>have</strong> many left.<br />
Molars for grinding, for vegetable matter. Facts in my brain realign. My<br />
line goes so far back. Back beyond the potato eaters, beyond minor nobility<br />
on my father's father's side, beyond the paternal ambiguity my mother’s<br />
mother hides. Back over land bridges and ice ages. Back through the slow<br />
eternal march of ash and grit and time.<br />
I've spent the last five seasons terrified.<br />
Now I pause and look behind.<br />
A vision of a line. Mothers and mothers and mothers. So much deep and<br />
precious time. So much unimaginable time. Back to the cradle of humanity<br />
back to the first parts of art back to the first warm blooded creature with<br />
a quick, fearful heart. Back to the fish with five fin bones. Back to the<br />
ocean, black and thick -<br />
Beside me, you wheeze in your sleep.<br />
A flicker. Something I might get to keep.<br />
(I would spread your ash along my teeth)<br />
The soup of time feels soft and deep.<br />
I dream.<br />
Who of me was mostly me?<br />
From <strong>where</strong> do you get your wheeze?<br />
Who cared as much as I do now who first of all had the teeth?<br />
I can never know them, break my heart. I will never hear them speak.<br />
Their lives are lost to grit and time. To my knowledge, I'm unique.<br />
aífe kearns