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Page 8A THE BEACON February 2019
Communication is Key for Lifelong Happiness
By Merrill Hutchinson
You’ve all seen it and
maybe even participated in it.
A family is sitting at the dinner
table- several children and
parents intensely communicating
but not with each other.
Instead, they are all involved
in communicating with a
digital screen. You’ll see them
smiling, frowning, and staring
at their devices instead
of those with them around
the table. This behavior has
become so commonplace that
we don’t question it anymore.
For many, it has become a
cultural norm.
The tools for today’s digital
age are a given. However, we
must also focus on what we,
especially our children, know
about how to communicate.
Communication is a necessity
of life. The forms of communication
we use seem straightforward,
but are they?
The forms of communication
and their frequency are
continually changing. Faceto-face
communication where
you see someone’s face and
body is actually becoming
less frequent. The need for us
to meet someone in person to
perform a particular task has
greatly diminished. We don’t
have to visit a store to shop
or go to a school to be taught.
We don’t have to go to church
to hear the preacher’s message
or even attend a sporting
event to see the event. We
are now able to experience
these things in our house and
never even interact with a
single person face-to-face.
Let’s be honest. We love the
convenience and comfort that
technology provides us, but
what is the expense?
Over the years, researchers
have made claims that over
90% of communication is
nonverbal- facial expression,
body language, voice tone,
etc. While this seems extreme,
more recent research suggests
that the differences between
nonverbal and verbal communication
percentages are more
influenced by the situation.
Listening to a book on audio
is undoubtedly much more
verbally effective than nonverbally,
but having a faceto-face
disagreement can be
significantly more nonverbal.
With that being said, researchers
agree that nonverbal communication
is significant, and
often much more important
than the words we use.
So, how are you teaching
your children to communicate?
If the primary forms of communication
they use is looking
at a digital screen and reading
words, they are probably missing
a huge portion of the message.
The result is that messages
are frequently misinterpreted
or misunderstood. We have all
heard, “No, I didn’t mean that.
I was joking around.”
I encourage you to be intentional
about teaching your
children how to communicate.
When I teach lessons on communication
to young students,
the first thing I teach is to know
the audience. Yes, before a
word is said, you should know
to whom you are talking- age,
gender, energy level, mood,
interest level, etc. One of the
primary skills that I quickly
identify in a great teacher is
his or her ability to read the
audience before and during the
lesson. A great teacher does a
quick inventory of the audience
and looks for the general
mood, attention, interest, and
energy of the crowd. If the audience
is reflecting positive attention
and interest, the teacher
can quickly seize the opportunity
and teach with the same
energy. If the audience is filled
with tired or somber faces and
you ignore that message, the
teacher runs a high chance of
quickly losing the audience and
will be preaching to the wall.
Great teachers know their
material, but make rapid
adjustments to keep their
audience engaged. Reading
body language, voice tones,
and facial expressions, is
part skill and part intuition.
Some teachers just seem to be
naturals, while others need to
be trained and experienced in
these skills. The good news
is that these skills can be
learned, practiced, and significantly
improved.
How do you teach your
children to read their audience
and be effective communicators?
As mentioned earlier,
some of them will be naturals,
but all can benefit from
learning and practicing three
simple techniques.
• Audience Check. Teach
your child to observe and read
their teachers and others every
day. Each day when your child
walks into the classroom, one
of the first things they should
do is take notice of the people
they encounter, especially
their teacher. Does the teacher
appear to be happy, sad, tired,
irritated, etc.? If your child
walks into the classroom and
stares at the ground, they will
miss one of the most important
messages necessary to
start their day off right.
• Greet and Check. Teach
them to initiate the first greeting.
As soon as they walk in
the classroom and take notice
of the people, they follow up
with a simple greeting. “Hi
Mrs. Smith!,” or better yet,
“Hi Mrs. Smith, how are you
today?” Wow! Guess what is
about to happen? Because the
child took an interest in the
teacher, the teacher is going to
respond not just with a spoken
word, but a mood and energy
through her nonverbal clues.
More importantly, most of the
time the teacher will return
the interest. “I’m doing great
this morning! How are you
doing?” This interaction is so
important. Now, not only does
your child have basic information
about the teacher, but
the teacher now has gathered
information about the student.
If this is done on a daily basis,
the teacher and student will
soon have a greater depth of
understanding and interaction
with each other.
• Clarity Check. Teach
them the skill of seeking clarity
of the message. When they
hear, see, and recognize the
teacher’s message, test understanding.
For example:
Student: “Hi Mrs. Smith!
How are you?”
Mrs. Smith: In a low and
quiet voice - “I’m okay.”
Clarity Check-
Student: “Mrs. Smith, you
seem a little tired today. Is
everything okay?”
WOW! Now the student
is not only engaging but is
gaining a greater understanding
and taking an interest in
the teacher. The teacher will
typically feel a greater interest
and empathy for this student.
Practice these same skills on
a daily basis in your house.
Every day have your child
practice checking in with you
when they walk in the door.
Have them notice, greet, and
clarify understanding of the
people in the house, especially
their parents.
Effective communication
and interaction with others
are lifelong skills that your
child will use every day of
his or her life. These tools
are tremendously powerful in
teaching your child to invest
in the interest of others rather
than just themselves. The next
time you think about giving
your children a tablet when
they walk in the house, stop
and spend some time teaching
them to be Masters of Communication
not Disasters of
Communication!
Merrill and Linda Hutchinson
of Rock Solid Families are
dedicated to offering guidance
and practical tools for
marriage, family and personal
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