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20032019 -Petition: My case against Buhari, by Atiku

Vanguard Newspaper 20 March 2019

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26—Vanguard, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 20, 2019<br />

<strong>My</strong> wife is a lousy cook!<br />

Mum has stolen our inheritance<br />

Dear Bunmi,<br />

Our two remaining<br />

grandparents died last<br />

year within months of each<br />

other. It was heartbreaking<br />

at the time, but nothing<br />

compared to what had<br />

happened since then.<br />

With my mum being their<br />

only child, she inherited<br />

the entirety of their estate.<br />

<strong>My</strong> grand-dad wanted to<br />

leave each of his<br />

grandchildren —me and<br />

my siblings— a bit of<br />

money. We’re all aged<br />

between 19 and 32. But<br />

rather than put it in his<br />

Will, he told our mum in<br />

our presence to give it to<br />

us from her inheritance. Of<br />

course, she promised she<br />

would.<br />

Now that she’s got her<br />

hands on the money, she<br />

doesn’t want to give us our<br />

share. She says she needs<br />

it herself because she<br />

wants a house of her own<br />

instead of a rented<br />

apartment.<br />

She also wants to<br />

continue going on<br />

expensive holidays and<br />

drinking choice wine. I<br />

think she may also be an<br />

alcoholic. Our mum has<br />

spent her whole life living<br />

off her rich fancy men and<br />

now it seems she wants to<br />

live off her own children’s<br />

money.<br />

Am I overreacting to<br />

think what she’s doing is<br />

utterly despicable? Do you<br />

think we children should<br />

talk to her about it? I don’t<br />

want to upset her as her<br />

temper has a very short<br />

fuse.<br />

Gemima, <strong>by</strong> e-mail.<br />

Dear Gemima,<br />

On one hand, your mum<br />

has every right to keep all<br />

the money as stipulated in<br />

the Will and do with it as<br />

she sees fit. On the other<br />

hand, she’s going <strong>against</strong><br />

the express wishes of her<br />

own father in not sharing<br />

the inheritance with you<br />

and she will have to live<br />

with that.<br />

Seriously though, I<br />

wonder why your granddad<br />

didn’t leave specific<br />

How can I convince her dad I won’t<br />

beat her again?<br />

Dear Bunmi,<br />

I recently broke up with my<br />

girlfriend after I was violent<br />

towards her. After a while, we<br />

agreed there could be a way<br />

back to resurrecting the<br />

relationship and are willing to<br />

try.<br />

The problem is her dad. He<br />

was very furious that I was<br />

violent towards his daughter<br />

and now I don’t know how to<br />

repair the damage I have<br />

caused to her father who even<br />

now, I had a great respect for.<br />

How can I approach him, or<br />

have I lost any relationship we<br />

must have dad in the past for<br />

good?<br />

Paul, By e-mail.<br />

Dear Paul,<br />

You obviously are ashamed<br />

of your behaviour and want to<br />

make a fresh start.<br />

Unfortunately, you can’t<br />

regain someone’s trust in a<br />

moment. Think how you<br />

would feel if someone battered<br />

your daughter.<br />

It’ll take a lot of hard work<br />

to show you have changed.<br />

But at the moment it’s not<br />

about him. Convince his<br />

daughter you’ve changed and<br />

that it will not happen again.<br />

There’s a chance she could<br />

then have a word with her dad<br />

and he may come round. But<br />

have you sort counselling?<br />

instructions in his Will on<br />

who gets what, especially<br />

if he was aware of your<br />

mum’s erratic behaviour.<br />

In the meantime, you<br />

need to have a cool, calm<br />

conversation with her and<br />

let her know how you feel.<br />

If she’s adamant, then try<br />

to let it go for the sake of<br />

your relationship.<br />

Perhaps,<br />

more<br />

importantly, you need to<br />

speak to her about her<br />

lifestyle and how that<br />

worries you.<br />

Offer to cook a romantic<br />

dinner for him or even<br />

better, promise him a very<br />

early evening. Once he’s<br />

putty in your hands,<br />

murmur: ‘Wouldn’t it be<br />

lovely if we could do this<br />

more often?’<br />

If that doesn’t work,<br />

consider telling your<br />

boyfriend. It is afterall, your<br />

house too. You have every<br />

right to feel comfortable in it,<br />

just make sure you’re armed<br />

for battle!<br />

Why won’t he tell me why he<br />

dumped me?<br />

Dear Bunmi,<br />

How important is closure<br />

at the end of a<br />

relationship? <strong>My</strong> boyfriend<br />

broke up with me a couple<br />

of months ago and he’s<br />

failed to answer the<br />

questions that I really need<br />

answers to enable me have<br />

closure. Is it fair I now<br />

resent him for it?<br />

We were together for<br />

close to two years.<br />

Betty, <strong>by</strong> e-mail.<br />

Dear Betty,<br />

Closure is very important<br />

in a number of situations,<br />

not least the end of a<br />

relationship. It is not,<br />

however, always<br />

forthcoming. I’m assuming<br />

you’re the only one who<br />

needs answers, not him,<br />

and your feelings are<br />

perfectly natural.<br />

If he was emotionally<br />

mature, he would give you<br />

the answers you needed.<br />

Whether that would make<br />

you feel better or worse is<br />

a whole kettle of fish. What<br />

if he broke up with you to<br />

be with your best friend for<br />

instance?<br />

I think you’ll have to<br />

accept you may never know<br />

what went on in his head.<br />

Very little <strong>by</strong> the look of<br />

things!<br />

Dear Bunmi,<br />

<strong>My</strong> new wife is obviously<br />

not interested in creating a<br />

home for us. I have a good<br />

job, which means I am often<br />

away during the week, but<br />

she seems to resent doing<br />

any housework.<br />

She is supposed to be in her<br />

family's business, but she<br />

scarcely goes there. I<br />

assumed when we got<br />

married the deal would be<br />

that I’d earn the money while<br />

she kept our home ticking<br />

over.<br />

But I’ve never got a clean<br />

shirt or anything decent to<br />

eat — and the house is<br />

always in chaos. All she<br />

wants to do is see her<br />

friends. Her parents have<br />

agreed to help with domestic<br />

helps but for how long?<br />

She’s always been spoilt <strong>by</strong><br />

her parents but they had<br />

assured me she could cope<br />

with marriage. How do I<br />

make her understand that I<br />

can’t function like this? It’s<br />

a bit too early to be<br />

complaining to her parents.<br />

Paul, <strong>by</strong> e-mail.<br />

Dear Paul,<br />

If you two have never sat<br />

down to discuss how you’re<br />

going to live your new life,<br />

you can’t blame your wife for<br />

not knowing what the ‘deal’<br />

is supposed to be.<br />

The first thing you need to<br />

do is talk. If your wife<br />

doesn’t wish to run the<br />

home, what is her<br />

contribution to this marriage<br />

going to be?<br />

Your wife can’t take all the<br />

blame here. You knew she<br />

was a ‘silver-spoon kid’<br />

when you met and married<br />

her, and that’s all the life she<br />

knows.<br />

Her transition into a good<br />

house-wife is going to take<br />

a lot of efforts and patience<br />

from you. This is a new<br />

journey for both of you and<br />

compromises will be needed<br />

all along the line.<br />

But you can’t compromise<br />

unless you talk, so don’t<br />

waste another minute. She<br />

obviously wanted marriage<br />

or she wouldn’t agree to be<br />

led to the altar.<br />

I need to get rid of his best<br />

friend!<br />

Dear Bunmi,<br />

I currently live with my<br />

boyfriend and his best friend<br />

is a pest. He virtually lives<br />

in our house. I don’t feel I<br />

can say anything because<br />

they’ve known each other for<br />

years.<br />

But recently, his pal has<br />

started brushing past me in<br />

the kitchen and making<br />

suggestive remarks<br />

whenever my boyfriend is<br />

out of the room. He hasn’t<br />

made a pass at me but I’m<br />

sure it’s only a matter of<br />

time.<br />

Do you think I should tell<br />

my boyfriend?<br />

Remi, <strong>by</strong> e-mail.<br />

Dear Remi,<br />

You have two dilemmas<br />

here: how to reclaim your<br />

home for yourself and how<br />

to get rid of this pest of a best<br />

friend. I believe you can kill<br />

two birds with a stone<br />

without having to tell your<br />

boyfriend.<br />

I know he hasn’t made a<br />

pass but the body contact<br />

suggests he’s building up to<br />

something. You need to deal<br />

with this now, and the only<br />

way of doing that is to get<br />

him out of the house. You<br />

need to make him feel as<br />

uncomfortable and<br />

unwelcome as possible.<br />

Don’t offer him food or<br />

drink. Use the grinder when<br />

he’s slumped in front of the<br />

TV. Get your friends round<br />

for boozy sessions from time<br />

to time.<br />

On a more serious note,<br />

you shouldn’t let him get<br />

away with this sexual<br />

bullying. Nervous laughter<br />

will only encourage him.<br />

Instead, stop whatever<br />

you’re doing and turn to face<br />

him.<br />

Tell him: “How do you<br />

think your friend would feel<br />

if he saw that? Shall I get<br />

him in here and ask him?”<br />

You’ve got to work on your<br />

boyfriend too. Explain that<br />

you’d like some more time<br />

together as a couple without<br />

his friend ruining the<br />

atmosphere.<br />

Offer to cook a romantic<br />

dinner for him or even<br />

better, promise him a very<br />

early evening. Once he’s<br />

putty in your hands, murmur:<br />

‘Wouldn’t it be lovely if we<br />

could do this more often?’<br />

If that doesn’t work,<br />

consider telling your<br />

boyfriend. It is afterall, your<br />

house too. You have every<br />

right to feel comfortable in it.<br />

Just make sure you’re armed<br />

for battle!<br />

Share your problems and release your<br />

burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi,<br />

Vanguard Newspapers, P.M.B 1007,<br />

Apapa, Lagos, or bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk

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