6 Sloping Driveways By: Heather Latimer / Heather’s Self-Help Tips On your way to the mailbox, your letter slips out of your hand and without a second thought, you go to pick it up. Or some unwanted flyer or other piece of junk is lying there and needs to be removed. Watch out! Bending over on a sloping driveway can be extremely dangerous. You can fall on your face and break bones. Launa Ismail RN, Parish Nurse from the Mountain View Presbyterian Church, has worked with patients and issued a warning: “We all need to repeat this 100 times. Don’t bend over to pick something up when you’re facing downhill.” Reversing your body so you are facing up toward the top of the slope as you remove the missive might be safer. However if you somehow tumble and hit the rough concrete, you still could suffer scrapings and other injuries. Do so at your own risk. Better yet! Purchase a Trash Grabber with rubber tip, 32” long, from manufacturer Janilink (888/234-2255) or from Ace Hardware Store for $19.99. A handrail is also useful to grab. Artistic Iron Works (702/850-6360) installed mine from the garage area to the sidewalk beside the mailbox. In addition to the visible installation, concrete blocks must be buried below ground to provide a firm base so the price of $200 ensures reliable work. Most HOA’s will allow this handrail if you are affected with imbalance or other incapacity and you produce a doctor’s letter to that effect. Heather Latimer is a nationally recognized specialist in making difficult subjects easy and author of 17 books. May 2019 You Gotta Laugh By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs But they’re engaged: Phyllis visited her priest and he told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wanted to get into heaven. Phyllis said she would try her best. The priest visited Phyllis a week later to see how she was doing. “Not bad” said Phyllis. “I’ve given up smoking and drinking. However last week, I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend saw me. He couldn’t help himself and made love to me right then and there.” “They don’t like that in heaven” said the priest. Phyllis replied: “They don’t like it in Costco either.” Missing the Mrs.: Frank had a little too much to drink. He was driving home from the city one night and of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to Frank, “Where have you been?” “Why, I’ve been at the bar,” slurs Frank. “Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.” “I did all right,” Frank says with a smile. “Did you know,” the cop said, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?” “Oh, thank heavens,” stammers a relieved Frank. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.” And finally: I may look like I’m having deep thoughts, but 99% of the time, I’m thinking about what I’m going to eat for dinner. Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The VegasVoice and has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny submissions at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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