Vegas Voice 5-19

piratekingsays

6

Sloping Driveways

By: Heather Latimer / Heather’s Self-Help Tips

On your way to the mailbox, your letter slips

out of your hand and without a second

thought, you go to pick it up. Or some unwanted

flyer or other piece of junk is lying there and

needs to be removed.

Watch out! Bending over on a sloping driveway can be extremely

dangerous. You can fall on your face and break bones.

Launa Ismail RN, Parish Nurse from the Mountain View Presbyterian

Church, has worked with patients and issued a warning: “We all need

to repeat this 100 times. Don’t bend over to pick something up when

you’re facing downhill.”

Reversing your body so you are facing up toward the top of the slope

as you remove the missive might be safer. However if you somehow

tumble and hit the rough concrete, you still could suffer scrapings and

other injuries. Do so at your own risk.

Better yet! Purchase a Trash Grabber with rubber tip, 32” long, from

manufacturer Janilink (888/234-2255) or from Ace Hardware Store for

$19.99.

A handrail is also useful to grab. Artistic Iron Works (702/850-6360)

installed mine from the garage area to the sidewalk beside the mailbox.

In addition to the visible installation, concrete blocks must be buried

below ground to provide a firm base so the price of $200 ensures

reliable work. Most HOA’s will allow this handrail if you are affected

with imbalance or other incapacity and you produce a doctor’s letter

to that effect.

Heather Latimer is a nationally recognized specialist in making

difficult subjects easy and author of 17 books.

May 2019

You Gotta Laugh

By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs

But they’re engaged: Phyllis visited her

priest and he told her she must give up

smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she

wanted to get into heaven. Phyllis said she would

try her best.

The priest visited Phyllis a week later to see

how she was doing. “Not bad” said Phyllis. “I’ve given up smoking and

drinking. However last week, I bent over to get some stuff out of the

freezer and my boyfriend saw me. He couldn’t help himself and made

love to me right then and there.”

“They don’t like that in heaven” said the priest. Phyllis replied: “They

don’t like it in Costco either.”

Missing the Mrs.: Frank had a little too much to drink. He was

driving home from the city one night and of course, his car is weaving

violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to Frank, “Where have you been?” “Why, I’ve been

at the bar,” slurs Frank.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this

evening.” “I did all right,” Frank says with a smile.

“Did you know,” the cop said, standing straight and folding his arms

across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your

car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” stammers a relieved Frank. “For a minute

there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

And finally: I may look like I’m having deep thoughts, but 99% of

the time, I’m thinking about what I’m going to eat for dinner.

Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The Vegas Voice and

has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny

submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.

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