The Point: Spring 2019

Spring 2019 Vol. 14 Issue 2
THE POINT

mjpr.biola.edu/simon
PR Scholarship
“
Be
encouraged,
my friends;
the Good Lord
is faithful!
”
In Honor of
William (Bill) Simon
In memory of Professor Bill Simon, the faculty in the Department of Media, Journalism and
Public Relations have established a scholarship in his name. It was one of Prof. Simon’s dreams
to assist students with the heavy burden of debt that they carry to attend Biola University. He
continued to look for creative ways to attend to this need. Now his legacy will live one.
Students of Public Relations will have opportunity to apply for the scholarship and receive
financial support. Simon’s legacy will live on. Visit mjpr.biola.edu/simon for more information.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Dear friend,
re· new // to make like new: restore to freshness, vigor, or perfection //
to restore to existence
I wish renewal was a process I could wrap up with a pretty bow and hand to you. A present for you to
experience rather than endure. I would hand it to you and sit and listen as you spoke of the ways it changed
your life. But the present would steal the process from you.
I could tell you of the smallest joy: a cup of tea handed in care. I could tell you of grace unexpectedly
received. Each of these would be a story, a part of a powerful testimony, but it would become much more if
you experienced it, too. It would form into a part of your story—a story constantly in beginning and middle
stages.
So, today I invite you to grow. To leave the familiar and “brave the dangers” of the desert wandering. To
have the Holy Spirit and the joy of salvation through Jesus. To know “if something goes a little wrong—and
it will—that the Lord will strengthen you to rise again.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Psalm 51:10
As an expression of learning about renewal, professors, faculty, staff and students in various departments
were emailed the questions, “How do you experience renewal?” and, “How have you seen God renew parts
of your life?” From 15 responses, I saw the process of renewal in relationships, prayer, creation, Sabbathing,
exercising, writing and suffering. Each of these became a way of highlighting a person’s story on social
media. And we remain excited to hear more!
Rebecca Mitchell
What is your story of renewal?

STAFF
Editor-in-Chief: Rebecca Mitchell
Managing Editor: Kendall Jarboe
Visual Director: Eliana Park
Photo Editor: Thecla Li
Design Editor: Cassidy Eldridge
Copy Editor: Amanda Frese
Web Editor: Jana Eller
Business Manager: Jenna Robertson
Social Media Manager: Katie Bean
Faculty Adviser: Tamara Welter
Story Editors:
Kendall Jarboe
Megan Josep
Jehn Kubiak
Writers:
Jasmyne Bell
Emily Bontrager
Rachel Gaugler
Kyle Kohner
Thecla Li
Logan Lusk
Photographers:
Emily Inaba
Alyssa Jupiter
Kyle Kohner
Thecla Li
Jasmine Rodriguez
Designers:
Amy Bucher
Macie Cummings
Lindsey Hayden
Nichole Landon
Rose Nickols
Spring 2019 Vol. 14 Issue 2
We are a student publication of Biola University. Contact us at pointmag@biola.edu.
https://thepointmagazine.org
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California College Media Association: 1st Place General Excellence 2008, 2010
California College Media Association: 3rd Place Best Magazine 2019
California College Media Association: 3rd Place Best Magazine Cover Design 2019
California College Media Association: 1st Place Best Magazine Photo
California College Media Association: 3rd Place Best Magazine Photo 2019
California College Media Association: Honorable Mention Best Magazine Story 2019
California College Media Association: 3rd Place Best Inside Page/Spread Design 2018
California College Media Association: 1st Place Best Inside Page/Spread Design 2019
Columbia Scholastic Press Association: Gold Medalist 2009
Associated Collegiate Press: Magazine Pacemaker 2008
Associated Collegiate Press: Magazine Pacemaker Finalist 2013, 2017, 2018
Associated Collegiate Press: Design Of The Year 2017
Evangelical Press Association: 1st Place Cover Design 2019

5
9
15
21
Defining Me 27

CHECK ALL THAT APPLY
Growing up Multiracial in a Racialized Society
Writer: Rachel Gaugler
Story Editor: Megan Josep
Photographer: Jasmine Rodriguez
Designer: Lindsey Hayden
You’re exotic.
You don’t look Asian.
You can’t be Latina, you don’t speak
Spanish.
You’re light skinned; you’re not one of
us.
You are not authentic enough.
What are you?
Check one: Spanish, Hispanic or Latino.
Native American, Alaska Native. Asian.
Black, African-American, African. Native
Hawaiian, Pacific Islander. White or
Caucasian.
2000 was the first year the United States
Census gave the option to check all
applicable boxes, meaning that every year
leading up to the 21st century, multiracial
individuals were forced to choose one
race over another. Today, individuals are
still told to make the choice in social
circles, family gatherings, classrooms,
professional settings and on the street.
Where do multiracial individuals find
their place in a racially charged society?
Individuals of multiethnic backgrounds
spend years trying to come to terms with
their light skin that should be dark, their
dark skin that is supposed to be light,
their freckles that do not match their race
and their chocolate-colored eyes that
seem too normal. They wrestle with the
famous question, “What are you?” when
the real question—and more respectful
one—is, “Who are you?”
5

Multiracial individuals have a unique
perspective on racial discrimination
because they are each distinctly discriminated
against. When society is bent on
fitting people into racial categories, multiethnic
people confuse the fixed system.
The study, “The Social Construction of
Race: Biracial Identity and Vulnerability
to Stereotypes,” found that multiracial
individuals face unique discrimination
because of this inability to be placed
into preexisting racial categories.
“Because multiracial individuals cannot
be easily classified in either the monoracial
majority or monoracial minority
groups, they face rejection from both
majority groups and minority groups in
society,” said researcher Margaret Shih.
Freshman communication sciences and
disorders major Mathias Davis experiences
this discrimination as he navigates
between being both black and Mexican.
“Not having the foundation of knowing
who I am made me very insecure. My
friends would tell me I’m not black so
I shouldn’t act like I am,” Davis said.
“Being multiethnic means being rejected
by both sides. I’ve been rejected by the
Mexican community and the black
community. ‘You’re not really one of
us. You’re a lightskin. You don’t know
what it’s like.’ That’s something that I’ve
gotten a lot and still do get.”
As multiracial individuals attempt to
navigate through a racially charged
society, this lack of belonging often negatively
impacts self-esteem. Due to the
presence of racial categories, these individuals
frequently feel the need to choose
one race over another, often resulting in
psychological conflict.
“I had such a bad identity crisis junior
year [of high school] because I felt
neglected by Asian culture,” said Becca
Jackson, freshman cinema and media
arts major, whose Japanese and white
background somehow makes her less
‘authentically Asian.’ “One of my friends
who is white was learning Japanese
and kept saying things like, ‘You don’t
watch anime and you don’t speak your
language, you’re not even Japanese.’ It
was discouraging. I just wished I was one
or the other. I wished I was full Japanese
or full white.”
It did not make sense to Jackson why
people would tell her she was not Asian
simply because she did not speak Japanese—as
if linguistic ability determines
ethnicity. Many multiethnic people face
this confusion as they seek to figure
out who they are when their own racial
groups reject them.
Like Jackson, senior graphic design
major Kayleigh Rodgers felt neglected
by her Asian culture as she grew up.
Rodgers found it difficult to fit in with
her Filipino friends, seeing as her father’s
white heritage apparently invalidated her
mother’s Filipino heritage.
Rodgers explained that she would
chameleon between both her white and
Filipino social circles, playing into what
others expected of her though she was
not sure what she expected of herself.
But, how long can an individual wear a
malleable mask?
“I just couldn’t be a chameleon forever. It
was exhausting,” Rodgers said.
Exhaustion from chameleoning between
groups heightens when the multiracial individual
is faced with constantly explaining
their racially ambiguous background.
While several students commented that
they find it fun to talk about their mixed
racial background with friends and
Other students share Davis’ experience.
Sophomore cinema and media arts major
Holly Chang grew up with a Chinese
father and half-Mexican, half-white
mother. She identifies as fully Chinese
and Mexican and desires to belong in
both cultures.
“It’s easy to assume that we can just
identify with one thing, but that’s not
the case for multiethnic people. It’s
really hard to have a sense of belonging
because we don’t belong to just one
thing. We’re kind of being pulled all over
the place and we don’t really know what
that means,” Chang said.
I just
couldn’t be a
chameleon
forever.
It was
exhausting.
6

strangers, others recalled instances when
the comments came across as ignorant
and insensitive.
“Sometimes it can be offensive when
someone asks, ‘What are you?’ I remember
this one lady was like, ‘Wow, you’re
so exotic!’ And I was just like, ‘I’m not
a smoothie! I’m just a person,’” Jackson
said.
The term “exotic” is not a compliment.
Instead, it plays into the racial ambiguity
often attached to mixed identities
and attributes to further self-doubt and
frustration.
Freshman cinema and media arts major
Olivia Tan explained that stereotypical
comments about her heritage played a
huge role in the insensitivity of peers
and strangers. She described that while
growing up with a Chinese father from
the Philippines and a Caucasian mother
from Belgium has influenced her positively,
she has experienced some measure of
discrimination.
“Sometimes people make stereotypical
comments about Asians because they are
almost comfortable making them in front
of me since I’m half-white,” Tan said.
Multiracial individuals are often exposed
to comments that are ‘not meant for their
ears’ simply because their physical appearance
does not match the stereotype.
At this point, the situation seems dreary:
rejection from their own cultures, the
pressure of choosing sides, the ignorance
of peers. So then, how, in a world where
racial categories are cemented, can a
multiracial individual come to terms
with their unique cultural identity?
One conclusion seems to be acceptance
of mixed culture. If the racialized society
can not fit those who are multiethnic
in their exclusive boxes, then let them
create their own unified culture of mixed
heritage.
Tan has seen her identity as hapa–a term
for an individual of Asian and white
background–as positive because she has
been able to connect with other racially
mixed people.
“Recently, the hapa culture has been really
awesome for me because meeting other
people who are hapa wasn’t something I
had growing up,” Tan said.
The beauty of blended culture flourishes
among these individuals and their
settings when they get to know others of
mixed backgrounds.
“There are a lot of Asians in Biola and
around the area. And a lot of mixed
students here too, compared to Chicago.
When I first came out here, I thought,
‘Woah this is crazy,’ I’m not used to this
many people that look like me or look
7

like my mom,” said Sam Vance, sophomore
music major, who identifies as
Korean and Caucasian.
Embracing mixed identity does not
ignore the pain from rejection or the hurt
from stereotyping, but it builds community
between those who are told they
are not authentic enough and embraces
the distinctive aspects of mixed culture
such as the many holidays, traditions and
food. For example, senior accounting
major Austin Bishop saw his multiethnic
identity as Japanese and white as positive
because he loved being able to eat Japanese
food growing up. Chang similarly
grew up with three different Christmases,
enjoying turkey and ham, enchiladas and
Spanish rice and beef chow fun every
year.
The unique aspects of the multiracial
community are not only to be celebrated,
but validated by the biblical truth that
everyone is made uniquely and purposefully.
“When I was saved my sophomore year
[of high school], I realized that my identity
is first in Christ and then through my
ethnicity,” Davis said.
He explains that his foundation in Christ
allows him to see his true value, regardless
of how others perceive his racial
background. Now, Davis can confidently
say that he is proud of who he is.
“I used to hate my curly hair because it
didn’t do what I wanted. I didn’t like my
brown eyes because they were normal.
But eventually I came to love these features
about myself. I love the color of my
skin and how golden it is,” Davis said.
Race is a social construct, as many
multiethnic individuals have come to
understand, but the ability to check off
so many boxes is also an avenue for
empathy.
“It has taught me how to embrace
other people,” Chang said. “Not to say
that people who are monoracial can’t
embrace others, but there’s this type of
mentality that people who are multiethnic
have because we are so used to
being tugged at and thrown into different
situations. My multiracial experience has
taught me to love people better.”
After living a life yearning for appreciation,
show that appreciation to others.
A multiracial identity is not all there
is to a person but learning to love and
appreciate different cultures has benefits
innumerable.
“We are the people that can bridge between
cultures because we don’t belong
to just one,” Chang said.
We are the
people that can
bridge between
cultures because
we don’t belong
to just one.
8

Too
For My
FAMILY
Learning the beauty in every body.
Writer: Thecla Li
Story Editor: Megan Josep
Photographer: Thecla Li
Designer: Nichole Landon
Over the last decade it has
become an unspoken understanding
that maintaining a body
positive outlook in life takes a lot
of work, time and tears. However,
today’s controversial body debates
can become more difficult for older
generations, such as our parents and
grandparents. Though unhealthy
body images have existed over multiple
decades, the positive influences
teaching us how to combat them
have not. The current generation was
born in the age of self-love. However,
their parents’ parents grew up with a
culture that taught them to perceive
themselves differently. Those perceptions
sometimes rub off on how they
interact with their children, which can
lead to fat-shaming jokes and negative
body remarks. With years of normalizing
toxic body image, many parents
and older relatives’ minds are cut off
from fathoming the idea that curvy
bodies, thin bodies and every body in
between are beautiful.
Our parents’ tortured ideas of beauty
and self-image stem from what their
parents and society taught them.
While accepting that our parents’
demons are their own is one obstacle
to tackle, another is figuring out how
near us we will allow those demons to
get.
Biola alumna Emily Vivanco genetically
inherited her Mexican father’s body
type, a frame in complete contrast to
her American mother’s smaller stature.
She recalled her own struggle with her
and her family’s conflicting definitions
of beauty.
9

10

11

My mom has
stressed the
importance of
keeping a thin
frame for the
last decade of my
life. From that
stemmed a daily
struggle.
“My mom has stressed the importance
of keeping a thin frame for the last
decade of my life. From that stemmed
a daily struggle. There isn’t a day that
goes by where I do not think of myself
as overweight or fat,” Vivanco said.
Vivanco was led to take on her mom’s
belief that she was deviant from
normal due to their contrasting body
types. Unfortunately, Vivanco could
not find comfort with her father, who
took on his wife’s Western beliefs as
higher than his own. With no one to
turn to, Vivanco’s sense of a healthy
self-identity was challenged.
“I feel like I had to be a different
person to make my mom proud,”
Vivanco said. “It hurt my confidence
and self-esteem which eventually led to
large amounts of extra stress on top of
the pressure I already had.”
The stress that Vivanco mentioned can
sometimes be the tipping factor of an
eating disorder, which can later lead to
negative effects towards an individual
on biological, psychological and sociological
planes. According to Kendall
Robins, Postdoctoral Fellow at the Biola
Counseling Center, a severe eating
disorder has the ability to physically
harm the brain, upset spinal fluid and
increase anxiety in relationships.
“Most research so far reflects that
eating disorders can result in the loss of
hormonal control and brain chemistry,”
Robins said. “Eating disorders
have the highest rate of mortality out
of all of psychological disorders.”
In an electronic survey of 204 Biola
students, 80 percent of students have
experienced being fat-shamed by their
family members. Of those students, 21
percent frequently received comments
and 12 percent received them very
frequently. Sixty-five percent of the
survey takers admitted to eating less
or dieting as a result of their families’
remarks. Ninety-nine percent of survey
takers believe it is possible to fall into
an eating disorder as a result of family
members negative treatment towards
their body.
These beliefs should not be overlooked.
Though a direct causation has not been
proven, parents’ actions do heavily
impact children’s lives in critical ways.
“Parents sometimes don’t realize the
impact they might have. In a relationship
with a stable foundation, a good
place to start would be to acknowledge
that they are coming from a place of
care and then to help them realize that
their words hurt you,” Robins said. “I
encourage you to step into your parents’
shoes and realize that what they
are doing is likely because they care.”
One of the ways to rewire years of
internalized cultural norms is by intentionally
helping older generations experience
the norms of today instead. Not
partaking in the body shaming talk but
debating the internalized beliefs. For
some, being supportive includes opposing
the, “I look so fat in this,” with a,
“No, you don’t.”
12

“Sometimes parents make choices
about how to engage with their child
based on their own needs or what they
did or did not receive in their own
childhood,” said Dr. Aundrea Paxton,
Psychology Adjunct Professor. “Nevertheless,
just because one parents in
this fashion does not mean that they
do not love their child or is trying to
hurt them. Often choices that we make
in parenting and other relationships
in our lives are unconscious and we
can sincerely believe that we’re doing
what’s in the best interest of the child.”
One of the most important steps in
caring for those who suffer from the
symptoms of an eating disorder is to
remind them that they are not alone.
Various campus departments ranging
from the BCC to Resident Life offer
their support to affected students.
Dean of Student Wellness Lisa Igram
expressed Biola’s eagerness to help any
students who come to them.
“Biola cares deeply for students who
struggle with disordered eating and
eating disorders. Support and care for
those with eating disorders requires
an interdisciplinary approach, which
at Biola may include Student Care, the
Health Center, the Biola Counseling
Center, and referrals to off-campus resources,
depending on what the student
most needs,” Igram said in an email.
“We are ready and waiting to support
you!”
No disorder is too small to ask for
help. The smallest of thoughts could
be the start of a future demon. One
of the potentially dangerous factors
that contributes to any form of an
eating disorder is an individual telling
themselves that their rejection of their
own body is too minor for them to ask
for help.
On their own, eating disorders are
huge monsters to tackle. However, the
methods of self-punishment created by
fat-shaming are not limited to eating
disorders alone. Over time, a seemingly
small comment is capable of sending
an individual into spaces of of hurt
and self-harm that can take years of
rehabilitation to heal.
“Sometimes people feel trapped with
their emotions within their own bodies.
Self-harming is a way of releasing
extreme feelings of shame, guilt and
self-hatred when they do not have the
skills sufficient for addressing their
pain,” Robins said.
For Elena*, the emotional pain was
coupled with physical pain. She shared
about her experiences of coping with
her hurt through cutting.
“For me, cutting was a form of
self-punishment that gave me an
immediate release from the guilt that
I received from my parents if I ate too
much,” she said.
Those who are faced with less than
pleasant criticism of their body can
find hope in a solution. In some cases,
painful comments made toward us by
our families often have more to do
with their love for us than any harmful
intent. By humanizing our families,
we can look past the toxicity and into
their personal struggle with self-love.
Outweighing the thoughtless words by
remembering that in a healthy family
no one, including ourselves, loves us
more than our parents.
*Elena’s name was changed in order to
protect her identity.
By humanizing our
families, we can
look past the
toxicity and into
their personal
struggle with
self-love.
13

14

FAME
CULTURE
Photo Story By: Emily Inaba
Designer: Amy Bucher
15

To be an
influencer is to
advocate that
your life is
perfect, fun and
what “it should
be.” As we
constantly post
what we are
eating,
wearing and
doing, we
glamorize life
through
a filter.
16

17
This, however,
detracts us from
the whole picture.
We miss out on the
life around us and
shroud the
entirety of our
being for
glamor. While we
share about our
aesthetic, we fail to
be who we
really are.

18

19

LIKE ME
LIKE ME
LIKE ME
20

21
The abuse of theology can often debilitate discussions regarding
mental illness and be blinding for Christians in need of practical
and proactive means of help outside of prayer.

PROZAC & THE PULPIT
Writer: Kyle Kohner
Story Editor: Kendall Jarboe
Photographer: Kyle Kohner
Designer: Rose Nickols
My name is Kyle Kohner. Two
years ago I was diagnosed with
and began treatment for severe depression
and anxiety. Though my diagnosis
came only recently, this struggle has
overwhelmed my entire being for as
long as I can remember. During my four
years as a student at Biola University,
the symptoms heightened, however, I
remained reserved regarding mental
state. Unfortunately, when sharing
this obstacle with other Christians, I
was often met with archaic theological
justifications for my illness—condemnation
and shame. These theological
justifications are in contrast to God’s
grace. Christians, like non-Christians,
are just as susceptible to the detrimental
symptoms of mental illness.
The Christian faith assures, “This isn’t
the end,” says Dr. Melanie Taylor,
Director of the Biola Counseling Center.
It is a faith that makes a difference in
times of despair, pain and sadness—one
that pushes us to keep working, trusting
and striving. But this doesn’t mean
that Christians do not struggle exactly
like non-Christians, “because they do,
absolutely,” Taylor says.
For Assistant Professor of Old Testament
Jeffrey Volkmer, he began battling
with severe anxiety in the year 2000.
“I became a Christian later in my life,
but it wasn’t long after that I began my
descent into my struggle with mental
illness,” Volkmer said.
After beginning seminary school in
Dallas, Texas, Volkmer endured a
series of panic attacks and took many
trips to the hospital thinking they were
cardiac-related issues. Volkmer came
to face the reality of these issues and
learned to deal with them through an
eclectic means of coping, including
prayer. However, as a theology professor,
he also realizes the need for holistic
self-care.
“You can’t just Bible study, pray and
meditate your way out of mental
illness,” Volkmer said. “You can love
the Lord, but it’s OK to say, ‘I’m really
sick.’”
Though he has learned to manage his
mental illness to a certain degree, Volkmer’s
battle persists.
“You learn to hide it. A lot of times, my
students don’t know what’s going on
inside me when I’m up front trying to
be cheery and happy,” Volkmer said.
While Volkmer is able to hide what
mental health feels like—in this case
anxiety—Volkmer likens it to “dark
matter, a low-level energy that permeates
the universe. It’s mysterious, it’s this
low hum going on in the background of
everything. You have to be conscious of
it and if you aren’t, it’ll eat you alive.”
Speaking from experience, Volkmer’s
words ring true to how this on-going
battle feels. For many who struggle with
any and all forms of mental illness—in
particular, depression—life seems like
a slow battle through mere existence, a
struggle that parallels the Greek tragedy
of Sisyphus, the King of Corinth.
Sisyphus was condemned for eternity
to roll a massive boulder to the top of
a steep hill and whenever he neared
the top, the giant rock would roll right
back down again.Discouraged, Sisyphus
was forced to start his laborious task all
over again. This is what depression feels
like, and to an extreme, the battle with
suicide. When living begins to feel the
slightest enjoyable, the smallest failure
and detour in life can derail it all, thus
You have
to be
conscious
of it & if
you aren’t,
it’ll eat you
alive.
beginning the grueling accent up that
steep hill all over again. Soon, the
monotonous climb weighs too heavily,
bogging down any will to live.
Ever since the suicide deaths of two
influential and beloved individuals:
cross-cultural journalist Anthony Bourdain
and fashion-designer Kate Spade,
the discussion of mental health has taken
on a whole new level of seriousness
and put into question the perpetuating
factors contributing to this epidemic—namely
religion. In reaction to their
deaths, The Conversation published a
piece in June 2018 discussing the ethics
of suicide and the implications of mental
illness in relation to the world’s religions—most
notably Christianity. As
the author points out, the prohibition
against suicide originates in Genesis 9:5,
which says, “And for your lifeblood, I
will require a reckoning,” which means
humans are held responsible to God for
their decisions. Accordingly, every life
belongs to God rather than for a human
to take. While the preservation of life
22

It really sucks knowing
Christians are sometimes
the last people you want to
talk to… one emotion-filled
church service doesn’t fix
everything.
- Tony Rangel
is important in this discussion, brash biblical legalism
provides little comfort to those who contemplate taking
their own life or simply ponder the thought of not
wanting to exist.
“There’s a mode of operating in shame that is so ingrained
in some older forms of Christian fundamentalism.
There’s this mentality that if you’re not doing well,
then something’s wrong—and so you just have to put
on your best face or pretend like things are great,” said
Associate Professor of Photography Kurt Simonson in
light of the suicide death of his friend and former Biola
art department chair Loren Baker a little over five years
ago.
Not to negate the power of prayer,
but many people think that if that
doesn’t work then, ‘Maybe you just
want to be sad.’
- Whitney Barnard
Similar to other issues like sexual assault and racial
reconciliation, the church has consistently trailed behind
in the discussion of mental illness. With this unspoken
reality, Christians are only recently beginning to
actually have the conversation. While the church is
actively progressing, the question of seeking the Lord in
joy and in sadness remain. Unfortunately, as a collective
body in Christ, we have strayed from compassion and
understanding of those who suffer, specifically toward
individuals battling depression and its extreme extension—suicidal
ideation.
23

Even though mental illness and suicide
plague all groups of people of all faiths
or no faith, Judeo-Christian history
may be guilty for its brash response
and theological discernment—or lack
thereof—regarding the topic and to
those who go through it. For example,
when looking back as far as the fourth
century, the Catholic Church forbade
anyone who committed suicide from
being buried in consecrated land, for
suicide was deemed the unconfessed
and unforgivable sin—according to
the Catochism of the Catholic Church.
As someone who was born and raised
Roman Catholic, Volkmer shares how
the idea of forgiveness through a priest
impacts the church’s beliefs about
suicide.
“We were taught that you need to
confess to a priest in order to have your
sins forgiven, which plays into the belief
that killing oneself would not allow for
that final confession nor one’s salvation.
I think that thought process sort
of flows into some Christian theology,
unfortunately,” Volkmer said.
That being said, in analyzing the most
extreme manifestation of depression
once again, philosopher and theologian
Thomas Aquinas was adamantly harsh
regarding the act of suicide: “To bring
death upon oneself in order to escape
the other afflictions of this life is to
adopt a greater evil in order to avoid a
lesser.” Aquinas also comes to the conclusion
that God alone should decide
when a person will live or die. Early
Christian theologian, philosopher and
key figure in the development of Western
Christianity St. Augustine—whom
many Christian ethicists point to
when maneuvering through the teeth
of depression—valiantly persevered
through his own battles, though God
drew him out of his pain. Augustine,
like Aquinas, demonized the mere
thought of the act. As discussed in
The Conversation, traditional rhetoric
purports suicide as a rejection of God’s
‘gift of life,’ further suggesting that any
pondering of fate or severe emotional
distress as a path toward this deliberation
is rejecting the gift of God. But
is it?
In Lamentations 3:31-35, it says,“For
no one is cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show
compassion, so great is his unfailing
love. For he does not willingly bring
affliction or grief to anyone.”
Most of the time, it is hard to argue
against either Aquinas or Augustine,
but modern Christians have taken their
thoughts for face-value and weaponized
the power of their views without consideration
or further reflection on the
ultimate grace of God. In reality, there
is no explicit prohibition of suicide or
demonizing of mental illness anywhere
in the canonical texts of Christianity.
However, the Bible does make clear the
very real issues and problems people
face in life. With all its teachings on joy
and hope, the Bible presents characters
and stories that reflect life submerged
in the darkest of valleys. If you simply
look at biblical figures like Job and
Samson, the most faithful people of
God experienced despair, depression
and even contemplated suicide.
Unfortunately, pondering whether or
not a bout with mental illness is the
result of something done wrong in the
eyes of God has become normalized
within the Christian community.
“[Students at Biola] really grapple with
these theological questions, especially
suicidal ideation. Some students are
very open and deeply thoughtful about
how God would respond if I made that
choice, asking, ‘What does that mean
for my eternal destiny?’ And they do
often question if they did something
wrong,” said Deann Decker, Student
Care Coordinator.
Every time I pray,
I have a doubting
voice in the back of
my head whispering,
‘Am I really saved, is
he just gonna ignore
me again?’
- Anonymous
24

In answering that question, Volkmer
believes suicide does not have bearing
on one’s salvation.
“While I wouldn’t say God is all stoked
about suicide, it doesn’t have bearing
on one’s salvation,” Volkmer said.
“Suicide is evidence or manifestation
of sin, just as much as it is with cancer.
Someone with cancer is not sinning, but
cancer is a perversion of God’s ideal for
human prosperity.”
Though you will hardly hear of individuals
of faith telling others that their
holiness is tainted by their depressed
thoughts or their salvation is in jeopardy
for thinking about suicide, Christians
do harmfully, albeit, ignorantly
‘console’ their brothers and sisters
through their struggle. As harmless as it
may sound, the mere utterance, “Pray
about it. Give it to God,” is ironically
disheartening. It is a default platitude
that suggests there is nothing to be
done other than to pray to God. There
is nothing wrong with praying for
recovery from a mental health condition,
but loving proactiveness is also
necessary. People cannot simply ‘pray
away’ a mental health condition for it
is an issue not limited to the soul, nor
should it ever be a question of one’s
faithfulness to God.
“It’s not a sin to be sick,” said David
Mandani, founder of Saving Face Saving
Grace, the Mental Health Ministry
of Saddleback Church. “An illness is
not your identity. Again, your illness is
not your identity, and neither is your
chemistry.”
Mandani, who currently battles with
schizophrenia and once contemplated
suicide, believes Christians lack
compassion or empathy regarding
mental illness. According to Mandani,
The darker the night,
the brighter the stars.
The deeper the grief,
the closer is God!
theological debates should be left to
other forums and out of this particular
epidemic.
“I don’t think people, when [they] want
to take [their] life because [they’re] so
depressed, want to hear your theological
position,” Mandani said. “I think
what they want to hear is the compassion
of Jesus Christ and that he cares.”
When it comes to empathizing with individuals
with mental illness, Mandani
recalls and reasserts James 1:19, “Be
quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to
anger and weep with those who weep.”
Keeping this verse in mind, it is vital to
remember—as cliché as it may sound—
God did not promise an easy life.
Though not a Christian, French philosopher
Albert Camus—who first drew a
parallel between Sisyphus’ struggle to
that of depression—reflects upon this
sentiment in his book “The Myth of Sisyphus.”
He says, “If one could say just
once: ‘this is clear,’ all would be saved.”
Mental illness is not a punishment or
test, it is instead, part of a reality that
all humans suffer in some capacity. And
yet, there is beauty in suffering.
When discussing the state of suffering,
Fedor Dostoyevsky, Russian philosopher,
essayist and author as well as a
believer in Christ, was an authoritative
voice. From a young age until his death,
Dostoyevsky struggled with chronic seizures
and would eventually serve four
years in a Serbian labor camp amidst
horrific living conditions. However,
he wrote this in his novel “Crime and
Punishment” about suffering.
“The darker the night, the brighter the
stars. The deeper the grief, the closer is
God!” Dostoyevsky said in his book.
Throughout his work, Dostoyevsky
consistently explored the struggle in
reconciling the suffering evident in
the world and the notion of a loving
God. Nevertheless, Dostoyevsky was a
proponent of the idea that, “Pain and
suffering are always inevitable for a
large intelligence and a deep heart. The
really great men must, I think, have
great sadness on earth.”
Dostoyevsky’s words speak volumes to
the reality of those struggling with suicidal
thoughts and/or living with mental
illness, including depression. God holds
us near and dear in our darkest and
most unbearable moments regardless of
the situation.
“I think God is nearer, more present,
or at least you are more aware of your
need for him in your darkest times,”
Simonson said. “You know, I don’t even
think that’s a hard stretch to say that’s
just true for most people. I think if you
are alert enough and not spinning inside
of your own head and at least talking to
25

God during times of depression, suicidal
ideation, etc, I think God holds you
closer.”
In God’s eyes, mental illness is a manifestation
of suffering, therefore, an
avenue toward his grace. Though the
Christian community is slowly but surely
progressing in this dire discussion, it
is time to become radical thinkers and
remove the stigma and shame that has
pervaded the realities of mental illness
for centuries.
“If you could see that there’s pain and
there’s someone else who has a different
theological view than you, you could
both agree that there is suffering regardless
of what your views are,” Mandani
said. “And I would start any conversation
moving forward with the idea that
there needs to be compassion of Christ
present in how you engage others who
have been impacted by mental illness.”
Not every church has remained quiet.
Concerning itself deeply with the mental
health epidemic, Saddleback Church
is leading the progression. After senior
pastor Rick Warren’s son died from a
self-inflicted gunshot wound in 2013,
Saddleback took action and launched a
mental health ministry. Headed by Mandani,
the sole purpose of this initiative is
to bring awareness to the issue and deeply
love those who struggle. For example,
Saddleback holds “survivors of suicide”
days every November in partnership
with the American Foundation for
Suicide Prevention to celebrate as well as
grieve the loss of loved ones.
“Being able to reach people impacted
by mental illness as Christians is very
radical,” Mandani said. “The common
consensus of people who come into the
church feel they don’t have a voice because
churches have not recognized their
struggle through mental illness. Instead
of a culture of fear, we need a culture of
love. When you look through this lens,
compassion can come and there’s freedom.
Then there will be equality, there
will be parody, and we want to change
that in this church and other churches.”
As we go through life, enduring its onslaught
of pain, suffering and heartbreak,
that proverbial and contemplative walk
up the hill will likely come with grief and
much affliction. But that same climb can
take place in joy and comfort knowing
that God remembers us, for there is a
metaphysical honor in enduring the
world’s tragedies and how they defeat us.
The mental illness that I have sojourned
through, like many others, is enough to
fill our hearts—not to separate us from
our father.
26

DEFINING ME
Gaining permission to be ourselves through the Enneagram.
Writer: Logan Lusk
Story Editor: Jehn Kubiak
Photographer: Thecla Li
Designer: Macie Cummings
27
7

2
In the first chapter of “The Enneagram
Made Easy,” authors Elizabeth Baron
and Renee Wagele mention that though
nobody knows the exact origin of the
Enneagram, it is believed to have existed
in ancient Sufi oral tradition. Others
say its original use dates thousands of
years back to Pythagorean mathematics,
Neoplatonic thought and early enigmatic
Christianity. However, the Enneagram
was introduced to Europe in the
1920s by Russian mystical teacher G.I.
Gurdjieff. By the 1960s, it had arrived
in the United States. Since then, the
Enneagram has continued to dominate
cultural conversations. Recently, college
students and young adults have been
most fascinated by it.
Most people who take the Enneagram
want to learn more about themselves,
how they confront the world and how
they relate to others. Those who take
the test receive a number—one through
nine—signifying which personality
‘type’ they are. Among other traits, the
results include the subject’s supposed
dominant strengths, weaknesses, likely
coping mechanisms and overall emotional
outlook on life.
28

5When something claims to have the
the
ability to inform us about complex and
intimate categories such as our own
personalities, oftentimes our initial
response is doubtfulness. Which is
why, for many of us, it is easy to be
skeptical of assessments such as the
Enneagram. Department Chair and
Associate Professor of Psychology
Dr. John Williams, discussed possible
reasons why college students may be
so deeply interested in things like the
Enneagram test.
“Maybe it’s kind of a nice way that
seems sort of scientific to help [students]
get an idea of where they should
go, or who they should be, or something
to that effect,” Williams said.
Williams proposed that perhaps people—especially
college students—are
searching for clarity on who they are
and in which direction they ought to
go. Williams also shared his reluctance
towards the high importance students
tend to place on themselves. Notwithstanding
the confirmation bias that
goes into interpreting given results, he
worries about students succumbing to
self-fulfilling prophecies.
“When we receive results of our own
weaknesses from something like the
Enneagram, it’s possible we might use
them as an excuse... It’s possible we
will feel comfortable becoming the
[negative] thing we are told we are,”
Williams said.
Williams sees the Enneagram as more
fun than informative, but he also
believes that it can teach us something
new about ourselves. Unsurprisingly,
the Enneagram has nevertheless
continued as a popular phenomenon
in the past few years. The seemingly
pseudo-scientific personality measuring
mechanism has also wiggled its way
into Christian college-age cultural
circles and has totally saturated certain
areas of Biola’s community. So, why
are students so obsessed with personality
assessments—and what is it about
the Enneagram in particular?
The Enneagram appeals to students
because it offers them something they
desperately seek: it seems to validate
young people—both for all that they
are and for all they are not. It creates
an inventory of their most obvious
strengths, weaknesses and idiosyncrasies.
It reminds them of the comforting
fact that they are not as odd or out of
place as they may all too often consider
themselves to be.
As college students and young adults
learn about themselves and who they
hope to become, the Enneagram has
become an impactful tool. But there
are two individuals in particular
who have incredible knowledge on
all things Enneagram through their
respective lines of work. Both possess
a keen awareness of the way the
Enneagram has touched people’s lives.
Singer-songwriter Ryan O’Neal is
mind behind the Chicago-based
musical project “Sleeping at Last,” and
producer of nine songs for each of the
Enneagram types.
Beginning in 2014, O’Neal released
“Atlas: Year I,” the first stage of a
three-part musical venture: the Atlas
series. He is currently in the process of
releasing music for “Year II.” According
to his website, “Atlas: Year I”
speaks on the origins of the universe,
and includes themes such as darkness,
light, space, land and oceans. “Year
II” speaks on the human experience
and involuntary human development,
and incorporates the following themes:
life, senses, emotion, intelligence and
Enneagram.
O’Neal’s efforts to help individuals feel
a little less alone in the world represent
what intrigues people most about the
Enneagram itself. The sense of belonging
it provides is exactly what draws
O’Neal to the Enneagram.
“Belonging has such a tie into pretty
much everything we do as people. I feel
like when you learn about yourself and
you recognize that you’re a part of a
specific type of people that have these
[patterns] in your life, you feel solidarity.
You feel understood,” O’Neal said.
O’ Neal first heard about the Enneagram
from his friend, Chris Heutrez—
Enneagram expert and author of the
book “The Sacred Enneagram.” At
29

1
30

8
What motivated O’Neal to include
the Enneagram numbers in his music,
to express the journey of human
development enough to write a song
about each type? The answer to that
has to do with the projected concept
of “Atlas: Year III,” which, according
to O’Neal, will be voluntary human
development. Whereas “Year II” has to
do with the aspects we are born with,
“Year III” will discuss how we choose
to cope with the cards we are dealt.
“I believe that we are born with certain
wiring [which] life emphasizes it as
we get older. So, I kind of felt like
that was the perfect transition to end
involuntary human development with
the Enneagram. Which leads to voluntary
human development” O’Neal
said. “Basically, I believe… that God
hardwired [personality] into us. But
our health greatly depends on what we
choose to do with it.”
For O’Neal, like many others, the Enneagram
has become a way to gain a
better awareness of ourselves and how
we relate to those around us. It gives
people a way to make sense of one of
the most confusing things there are:
human personality.
first, O’Neal was skeptical because it
seemed limiting.
“In general, I have not been a fan of
personality typing whatsoever, because
it feels like it gives you permission to
not be a better person,” O’Neal said.
“But once [Chris] taught my wife and
I the general gist of the nine types, I
couldn’t help but see it everywhere.”
Additionally, Sarahjane Case is the administrator
of the Instagram account,
@enneagramandcoffee. Case’s page
features information that each individual
Enneagram ‘type’ may find helpful
for going about their day-to-day lives.
Since December 2018, she has amassed
almost 271,000 followers. When asked
how she would explain the Enneagram
to a stranger, Case shared about forming
a relationship with oneself.
“I would say that the Enneagram
is a really incredible tool for you to
create a more in-depth relationship
31

with yourself, to know yourself well,
to understand your motivations, to
understand your coping mechanisms
and to create an engaged and active
relationship to being who you want to
be in the world,” Case said.
Case’s Instagram account reflects her
philosophy on what the Enneagram
is by bringing the assessment to life in
unique ways to her audience. Her posts
include various tips, tricks and encouragements
tailored to each of the types.
Case believes that her account has
grown so quickly because people can
look at her content and feel known.
“The Enneagram gives us a language
to describe ourselves,” Case said.
It may be said that the Enneagram test
fails to measure up to the conventional
standards of an accurate scientific or
psychological test. Does this mean that
as people, we place too much emphasis
on our results? Maybe not. Perhaps the
Enneagram is not something we can
prove as an absolutely conclusive, endall-be-all
assessment for sorting out all
of life’s problems. But those familiar
with the test, such as Case and O’Neal,
argue that that was never its job in the
first place.
6
This truth is not exclusive to college
students, but extends to people in general.
We like to be told that our quirks,
flaws and oddities are not so strange
after all. Receiving validation and
belonging in a way such as this can
be comforting as people begin to feel
more comfortable in their own skin
and less alone in an often lonely world.
And, in many cases, that is enough.
Instead, the Enneagram acts as a
helpful guide on the perplexing path
of human development. It can equip
those who take it with effective ways
to navigate and cope with the world
around them. The assessment is useful
to transform us out of our own most
unfamiliar strangers into the person we
know best.
As people, we find solace in things that
make us feel seen and identified. We
like to be told that we fit into a group
with others who share our strengths.
32

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mentor
disciple
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Dr. Justin Heth
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