Happiful October 2019
You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles
YUMPU automatically turns print PDFs into web optimized ePapers that Google loves.
“How much do you divulge?<br />
And there’s the potential risk<br />
of intensifying those feelings<br />
of shame… I’ve learnt that I’m<br />
not quite as unique as I thought.<br />
Speaking with others who share<br />
my kinks, and seeing the growing<br />
awareness of the kink community,<br />
has been reassuring.”<br />
What are kinks and fetishes?<br />
Kinks or fetishes are terms often used for<br />
non-mainstream sexual desires or preferences,<br />
such as impact play, role-play, bondage, lingerie,<br />
sensory deprivation, and orgasm control.<br />
OPENING UP<br />
CONVERSATIONS<br />
Single mother Ruth was in her<br />
late 30s when she first discovered<br />
her kinky side. Under her writing<br />
persona, Ruby Kiddell, she went<br />
on to give erotic writers and<br />
bloggers a way to hone their craft<br />
with the launch of Eroticon.<br />
“I found my kink through the<br />
process of writing and talking<br />
with other people, discovering<br />
which ideas turned me on, and<br />
which I wanted to play with.<br />
The whole process was about<br />
discovering who I was sexually<br />
– not something I’d spent any<br />
particular time thinking about<br />
when I was single in my 20s. So<br />
not only was it about discovering<br />
kink, it was about discovering<br />
who I was.<br />
“My community has always been<br />
via social media, and then once I<br />
started organising Eroticon, it was<br />
through the people I met there.<br />
What I’ve actually built over the<br />
past 10 years is a community of<br />
friends who just happen to be<br />
kinky as well .<br />
“The acceptance in the erotic<br />
reading and writing community<br />
of people’s kinks and desires<br />
was really freeing. There’s no<br />
judgement around what you<br />
personally do, just how hot your<br />
writing is, and it opens up a lot<br />
of conversations around sex,<br />
desire, and kink.<br />
The whole<br />
process was about<br />
discovering who<br />
I was sexually.<br />
Not only was it<br />
about discovering<br />
kink, it was about<br />
discovering me<br />
“When I started planning the<br />
first Eroticon, I made a conscious<br />
decision to be open about my<br />
writing and the conference; one<br />
of my goals was to increase the<br />
conversation around sex. If we can<br />
talk about sex and relationships<br />
more easily, we’ll have better<br />
sex and relationships, so it felt<br />
important that I was open about<br />
my work.<br />
“Being open and living my selfacceptance<br />
has been incredibly<br />
important to me. In a small way, it<br />
48 • happiful.com • <strong>October</strong> <strong>2019</strong>
Change language