F E AT U R E Frightful feasts JACK REGAN, A CREATIVE AT TITAN. THE ADVERTISING AGENCY IN BIRMINGHAM, TACKLES A FOODIE CHALLENGE WITH A SERIOUS STING IN THE TAIL JACK REGAN TACKLES A SNACK WITH A STING IN ITS TAIL Okay, so I’m in Thailand here. The chaotic, kaleidoscopic, mean streets of Bangkok, to be precise and I’m just about to sink my fangs into a scorpion. No kidding, look at the daft picture. As if I’d lie to you. Vicious looking little swine, isn’t he? Given half a chance he wouldn’t think twice about lancing you with that nasty long stinger tail of his either, ensuring you have a very, very bad day indeed. And it’s presumably been that way for most of the 430 million years that scorpions have been scuttling about this Earth, proving themselves to be venomous, vicious little swines to many species, long, long before humanity ever showed up to righteously crunch them under heel and smear them deep into the pavement. Now, hang on a sec though, steady on and calm the jets. Just in case we get any weepy, fretful, hand wringing calls from concerned citizens at the RSPCA, I feel obliged to state that neither your humanitarian and eternally compassionate columnist, nor any of the staff at J’AIME magazine will be responsible for this fierce creature’s death. No way, no how, there’s no chance of that, rest assured. It was, in fact, a wee Thai lady who cheerfully chucked the nasty little spider into a crackling, bubbling cauldron of boiling oil, just a minute or two before we appeared here at her street vending stall. So, any issues, please get in touch with her. Editorial staff happy to supply direction and description specifics. Now I’m staring at this beast and, y’know, I don’t imagine it died nobly or with any sense of decorum or ceremony. Probably scared the bejesus out of the wee fella when they lobbed him into the boiling oil. Mind you, I bet he’s seen his own expression of abject terror before, but on the faces of some poor, unsuspecting humans he’d crept up on, just for a laugh. For a chuckle. Imagine sitting on the toilet when one of these horrors descends suddenly upon you?! Anyways he doesn’t seem to be chuckling too terribly much now, bless him. I have to devour this fella now PLUS a selection of other miniature b-movie monstrosities ranging from glasshoppas to locusts to mealworms to silkworms, yum-yum and I have a wee crowd around me now too - plump German tourists, Chinese gamblers and the 36
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