Happiful November 2019

How to support a friend with
borderline
personality disorder
BPD can be a tricky illness for friends and loved ones to understand, but there
are lots of ways that you can be supportive without becoming
overwhelmed by the condition’s symptoms
Writing | Harriet Williamson
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Borderline personality
disorder (BPD), also
known as emotionally
unstable personality
disorder, is a broad
diagnosis characterised by
difficulties with mood and
interaction with others. It means
that sufferers often think – and
perceive the world – differently
from the average person, and
they may form very intense
relationships that end up being
short-lived.
Unfortunately, personality
disorders like BPD still carry a
great deal of stigma, due in part to
outdated ideas about the condition,
and labels such as ‘toxic’ that still
get unfairly attached to people
with BPD. Despite their
difficulties forming
and maintaining
stable relationships, BPD sufferers
can be the warmest, most
empathetic and loving people, and
offer truly rewarding connections.
Although the condition can be
hard to manage – not just for the
sufferer, but for those around them
– there are practical things that
you can do to make sure that your
relationship with someone who
has this mental health condition is
positive and solid.
1 DO YOUR RESEARCH
Ensuring that you know what BPD
entails will make life easier for
both yourself and your friend. A
quick read of the NHS or Mind
websites will offer plenty of insight
into the illness, and will mean
that you can approach difficult
situations with more awareness
and compassion.
2 BE SENSITIVE WITHOUT
‘WALKING ON EGGSHELLS’
The hypersensitivity that
comes with BPD means that
those close to sufferers
may feel as
though they are
‘walking on
eggshells’ at times. But, this doesn’t
have to be the case. Open and clear
communication is key, as is a basic
sensitivity towards things going on
in the other person’s life.
For example, if someone with
BPD feels unhappy or unsupported
at work, dismissing these concerns
with words such as ‘You won’t find
a better job elsewhere’ is definitely
not the right approach. For a BPD
sufferer, this sounds like ‘I don’t
care about you’ and ‘You don’t
deserve to work in an environment
where you feel comfortable’. Being
sensitive doesn’t mean treating the
other person like they’re made of
glass, but it does mean having an
awareness of the impact of your
words and actions.
3 OFFER CONSISTENCY
BPD is often accompanied by
intense fears of abandonment,
heightened by the transient
nature of many relationships in
the sufferer’s life. If you’ve had
a string of broken or incredibly
short friendships, you might be
very wary of others, and
terrified of being left
or let down.