Parenta Magazine February 2020

How to deal
with rude
people
Don’t you just hate rude people? You know
the ones – always pushing in front in the
queue or talking over you; and they never
listen to anyone but themselves. And boy,
do they think they’re right all the time.
Going on and on about how terrible you are
and how they would do things differently.
It’s enough to turn the milk sour! They’re
the ignorant ones, right? They’re the
ones who need to grow up. They’re just
pathetic!!!
OK, OK, we’ll stop now.
It’s interesting though isn’t it
- how many of us start off on
a seemingly ‘innocent’ rant
like this, and before long,
we’re being as rude or as
disrespectful as the people
we’re originally complaining
about? Often, we’re worse.
And yet we know deep
down that this is not our
preferred way of speaking
or responding. We know
it only escalates matters
but at times, (especially
when confronted by the
very same, ‘rude people’),
we often forget how to
respond appropriately,
and everything goes pearshaped!!
In a nursery setting, it
could be whilst speaking
to a parent, a child or a
colleague. So how do you
deal with rude people? Here
are some tips to help you
out.
How to deal with rude
people
1
Recognise that we
can all be rude at
some time
Most of us, if we are honest,
will admit that we have
been rude to someone at
some point. Usually it’s
when we’re annoyed or
frustrated by something
and we allow our emotions
to get the better of us and
speak without thinking, so
it’s important to recognise
our own part in rudeness,
as it affects us all. Even the
most mild-mannered person
can, at times, express their
emotions in a way that is
not wholly appropriate, so
try not to judge people too
harshly, lest you become
the hypocrite.
2
Take a deep breath
and stay calm
This is the key to a lot of
emotional control – giving
yourself space to offer a
considered response to
something, rather than a
‘knee-jerk’ reaction. Even a
slow count to 10 and some
deep breathing can give
you the time to think more
clearly about what your
response will be. The next
question is then, “Is it worth
getting upset about, or can
you let it go?” Try to set a
good example with your own
emotional regulation so that
you avoid escalating things
and turning the problem into
a slanging match.
We are not saying it is
wrong to have emotions
– they are incredibly
important – but there are
always ways of expressing
emotions which are more
considered, and potentially
less-damaging to anyone
on the receiving end. The
goal of an emotionally
intelligent person would be
to express emotions in ways
that people take notice of,
but don’t consider rude. So,
if you are confronted with
someone you consider to
be rude, think about how
emotionally intelligent you
can be in return.
3
Empathise and
understand
Most people are not rude
intentionally; this is usually
the action of only a few
people. Another good
response to perceived
rudeness might be to
empathise and offer to
help. For example, if
someone cuts in front of
you in the shopping queue,
by accident or genuinely
they didn’t see you there
(we’ve all done it), perhaps
all you need to say gently
is “I’m not sure if you
were aware, but there’s a
queue here”, to which their
response will most likely
be: “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t
see that”.
4
Look carefully at the
problem – do YOU
need to apologise?
One thing to ask yourself
too, is whether there is
a genuine complaint,
regardless of how badly it
might be being expressed.
And if so, do YOU need to
apologise first? Life often
holds up a mirror for us, to
show us our own foibles
and faults, so if you have
done something that you
feel you need to apologise
for, don’t hesitate to do it.
5
Use your best batting
to deflect or duck
Sometimes, humour can
be a great way to diffuse
or deflect rudeness, but
you need to be careful that
you don’t come across
as flippant or dismissive
of a genuine problem as
that would escalate things
further. Humour is often
a good way to deal with
rudeness in children who
might not realise that what
they have done or said,
is rude. Depending on
the situation, if you make
light of the matter and
laugh, you can highlight
the inappropriateness of
their behaviour in a lighthearted
way that doesn’t
lead to more conflict. You
have to be discerning here
though and use humour
appropriately.
6
Reframe it – don’t
give them the power
to upset you
Reframing something is a
term derived from neurolinguistic
programming
(NLP) whereby you look
at the situation from a
different point of view or
perspective – like putting
a different frame around
the situation. For example,
if you feel someone is
being rude and ignoring
you deliberately, you might
start to feel worthless or
develop a lack of confidence
in yourself. Reframing this
would mean considering
whether the person is really
ignoring you, or whether
they might be in awe of you
instead, and find it hard
to speak to you directly;
or they may, in fact, have
difficulty with social skills
themselves, so they are
not really being rude at all,
but have a problem that
they are struggling with
themselves.
7
Call them out – but
nicely
Finally, you can challenge
the person on their
rudeness, but do it in a kind
way. One example might
be to use a phrase like: “I
can see that you are upset
by this, and I’m sure you’re
not meaning to be rude, but
when you say X ,I feel Y.”
It acknowledges the other
person’s emotions, without
being confrontational and
also lets them know the
impact that their behaviour
is having on you – without
accusing them directly.
Most cases of rudeness
stem from a lack of
communication or a
miscommunication, which
can easily be resolved by
taking a metaphorical step
back from the high emotion
of the situation, talking
things through calmly, and
clarifying the issues without
accusations or insults. If you
do that, you’ll find that you
can deal effectively with
whatever comes your way.
22 February 2020 | parenta.com
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