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DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH<br />

LOVE ON<br />

THE LINE<br />

Expert insight to build<br />

lasting connections<br />

HAPPIFUL.COM | FEB <strong>2020</strong> £4.00<br />

Meghan<br />

TraInor<br />

Her mind. Her soul.<br />

Her voice.<br />

Break-up with<br />

bad habits<br />

Slay your smoking<br />

addiction – you've<br />

got this!<br />

Fight the fear<br />

Overcome first<br />

day anxiety<br />

Like a boss!<br />

IGNITE YOUR<br />

PASSION<br />

It's time to rekindle your<br />

creative spark<br />

PLUS<br />

Tess Daly<br />

Tom Kerridge<br />

Dr Rangan Chatterjee<br />

9 772514 373000<br />

02<br />

HAPPIFUL.COM


Photography | Jennifer Bedoya<br />

“<br />

Loving ourselves works<br />

miracles in our lives<br />

– LOUISE L HAY


Heart to heart<br />

As the incredible RuPaul often<br />

says: “If you can’t love yourself,<br />

how in the hell are you gonna love<br />

somebody else?”<br />

This issue really captures the spirit<br />

of that sentiment. So often we can<br />

look outwards at all the things we<br />

want in life, and worry about how<br />

we’re going to get there – whether<br />

that’s with our relationships, careers,<br />

personal lives, or goals. But so often,<br />

by nurturing your truest self, all the<br />

rest will fall into place.<br />

her to redefine the industry, and<br />

represent disabilities in mainstream<br />

society.<br />

We never know what that focus<br />

on ourselves can achieve. You<br />

may find the things that once<br />

seemed so important, actually<br />

fall by the wayside, and new<br />

dreams take root.<br />

Our <strong>February</strong> cover star Meghan<br />

Trainor knows this all too well. After<br />

fearing she'd never sing again<br />

following two operations on her<br />

vocal cords, and living with panic<br />

attacks and anxiety, she's learnt<br />

how vital it is to work on loving<br />

herself every day – and seen that<br />

positivity then spread throughout<br />

her life.<br />

We also hear from the brilliant Dr<br />

Rangan Chatterjee on how just<br />

five minutes can make a world of<br />

difference to our wellbeing, and<br />

Tess Daly, the beauty blogger<br />

whose passion is now helping<br />

It’s about allowing yourself the time<br />

and space to understand yourself,<br />

your needs, and values – and to<br />

cherish that person. It’s not always<br />

a linear journey, and there’ll be<br />

days when your confidence feels<br />

rattled, but day by day, that inner<br />

love can and will build.<br />

Let’s vow to start<br />

sowing the seeds<br />

today.<br />

REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR<br />

| happiful.com<br />

| happifulhq<br />

| @happifulhq<br />

| @happiful_magazine


24<br />

The Uplift<br />

8 In the news<br />

13 The wellbeing wrap<br />

14 What's 'white coat syndrome'?<br />

Sweaty palms and raised blood pressure?<br />

These could be signs of a fear of the doc<br />

82 Engineering dreams<br />

Meet the volunteer engineers creating<br />

custom-built items to transform disabled<br />

people's lives<br />

Features<br />

16 Meghan Trainor<br />

The singer-songwriter opens up about her<br />

severe anxiety and panic attacks, and how<br />

she discovered self-love<br />

74<br />

31 Dr Chatterjee<br />

The UK's favourite GP shares the secrets<br />

to feeling better in just five minutes<br />

34 Financial fears<br />

Cash in on these tips for taking back<br />

control of your money<br />

51 Head to toe<br />

Our mental health can easily be affected<br />

by physical health, but how can what's<br />

going on our mind affect our bodies?<br />

70<br />

Life Stories<br />

39 Kerry: Starting over again<br />

Years of set-backs and pretending that<br />

everything was 'fine' left Kerry in the<br />

pits of depression. But just when she<br />

thought everything was lost, she found<br />

the strength to take back control<br />

57 Dan: A blessing in disguise<br />

A breakdown while he was in Italy took<br />

Dan down paths he could never have<br />

predicted. Eventually, after recovery, he<br />

found a new purpose and now spreads<br />

his message as a mental health activist<br />

87 Nicola: From the other side<br />

Nicola was living her life to its fullest<br />

until she experienced her first panic<br />

attack, and everything changed. In hard<br />

times, she found solace in therapy,<br />

and today gives back as a qualified<br />

counsellor herself<br />

Food & Drink<br />

64 Smoothies for days<br />

Kick off your mornings with these<br />

vitamin-boosting smoothies<br />

66 Tom Kerridge<br />

The Michelin-starred chef on cooking<br />

up a storm and finding balance<br />

Lifestyle and<br />

Relationships<br />

27 Self-dating ideas<br />

28 Treating trauma<br />

Grace Victory pens a personal piece on<br />

living with PTSD<br />

47 Stub out smoking<br />

Follow these tips from a hynotherapist on<br />

kicking the habit for good<br />

70 Tess Daly<br />

The beauty blogger on using her platform<br />

to be a role model for disabled people


66<br />

16<br />

Culture<br />

42 Things to do in <strong>February</strong><br />

54 Getting real with Reiki<br />

What really happens in the therapy room?<br />

63 Embrace mindfulness<br />

A quick and easy guide to welcoming<br />

mindfulness into your day<br />

74 Ask the experts: counselling<br />

Thinking about counselling? Here's what<br />

you can expect from a session<br />

80 Creative minds<br />

In her latest book, Sheila Chandra turns<br />

creative chaos into a thriving career<br />

90 Quickfire: MH matters<br />

READER OFFER<br />

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For 12 print issues!<br />

Pay for 10 months, get 2 free<br />

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UK post and packaging included<br />

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ENTER CODE:<br />

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Completely free online<br />

Same great content as in print<br />

Exclusive offers<br />

Competitions!<br />

82<br />

<strong>Happiful</strong> Hacks<br />

24 Build a healthy relationship<br />

44 Carve out time for creativity<br />

60 Shelve shopping addiction<br />

76 Overcome first day anxiety<br />

OUR PLEDGE<br />

For every tree we use to<br />

print this magazine, we will<br />

ensure two are planted<br />

or grown.<br />

Prices and benefits are correct at the<br />

time of printing. Offer expires 19 March <strong>2020</strong>.<br />

For full terms and conditions,<br />

please visit happiful.com<br />

Visit happiful.com


EXPERT PANEL<br />

Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver<br />

information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue<br />

ANNABEL GILES<br />

Dip Couns Reg BACP<br />

Annabel is a humanisticintegrative<br />

counsellor and<br />

TV presenter.<br />

LINDSAY GEORGE<br />

MA Dip RGN MBACP (Accred)<br />

Lindsay is an integrative<br />

counsellor and psychotherapist,<br />

as well as a trained nurse.<br />

JOHN KENNY<br />

NLP MBACP<br />

John is a transformational<br />

relationship coach helping<br />

couples and individuals.<br />

PAULA COLES<br />

BA MEd (Psych) PGCE BACP Reg<br />

Paula is a psychotherapist<br />

and clinical supervisor<br />

with 25 years' experience.<br />

OUR TEAM<br />

EDITORIAL<br />

Rebecca Thair | Editor<br />

Kathryn Wheeler | Staff Writer<br />

Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant<br />

Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor<br />

Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor<br />

Grace Victory | Columnist<br />

Ellen Hoggard | Web Editor<br />

Bonnie Evie Gifford | Contributing Writer<br />

Kat Nicholls | Contributing Writer<br />

Becky Wright | Contributing Writer<br />

ART & DESIGN<br />

Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director<br />

Charlotte Reynell | Graphic Designer<br />

Rosan Magar | Illustrator<br />

RACHEL COFFEY<br />

BA MA NLP Mstr<br />

Rachel is a life coach<br />

encouraging confidence<br />

and motivation.<br />

RAV SEKHON<br />

GRAEME ORR<br />

MBACP (Accred) BACP Reg Ind<br />

Graeme is a counsellor<br />

working with both<br />

individuals and couples.<br />

WENDY GREGORY<br />

CONTRIBUTORS<br />

Gemma Calvert, Lindsay George, John Kenny,<br />

Fiona Thomas, Katie Conibear, Wendy Gregory,<br />

Annabel Giles, Suzanne Baum, Caroline Butterwick,<br />

Kerry Lyons, Dan Keeley, Nicola Vanlint<br />

SPECIAL THANKS<br />

Paul Buller, Krishan Parmar, Charley McEwan, Karin<br />

Darnell, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Paula Coles,<br />

Andrew Major, Josephine Robinson<br />

BA MA MBACP (Accred)<br />

Rav is a counsellor and<br />

psychotherapist with more<br />

than 10 years' experience.<br />

MSc BSc (hons)<br />

Wendy is a counselling<br />

psychologist helping<br />

people live fulfilled lives.<br />

COMMUNICATIONS<br />

Lucy Donoughue<br />

Content and Communications<br />

lucy.donoughue@happiful.com<br />

FURTHER INFO<br />

ANDREW MAJOR<br />

HPD DSFH<br />

Andrew is a solutionfocused<br />

clinical<br />

hypnotherapist.<br />

JOSEPHINE ROBINSON<br />

DipCNM ANP<br />

Josephine is a nutritional<br />

therapist, and yoga and<br />

meditiation teacher.<br />

Alice Greedus<br />

PR Officer<br />

alice.greedus@happiful.com<br />

MANAGEMENT<br />

Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder<br />

Emma White | Director & Co-Founder<br />

Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder<br />

<strong>Happiful</strong><br />

c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way<br />

Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL<br />

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parts. Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC®<br />

certified sources. The FSC® label guarantees that<br />

the trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to<br />

regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an<br />

additional tree is planted for each one used, by<br />

making a suitable donation to a forestry charity.<br />

<strong>Happiful</strong> is a brand of Memiah Limited. The<br />

opinions, views and values expressed in <strong>Happiful</strong><br />

are those of the authors of that content and do<br />

not necessarily represent our opinions, views or<br />

values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice<br />

on which you should rely. It is provided for general<br />

information purposes only. We work hard to achieve<br />

the highest possible editorial standards, however<br />

if you would like to pass on your feedback or have<br />

a complaint about <strong>Happiful</strong>, please email us at<br />

feedback@happiful.com. We do not accept liability<br />

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Contact Us<br />

hello@happiful.com<br />

For feedback or complaints please<br />

email us at feedback@happiful.com


FIND HELP<br />

CRISIS SUPPORT<br />

If you are in crisis and are concerned for your<br />

own safety, call 999 or go to A&E<br />

Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email<br />

them on jo@samaritans.org<br />

Head to<br />

happiful.com<br />

for more services<br />

and support<br />

GENERAL LISTENING LINES<br />

SANEline<br />

SANEline offers support and information from 4.30pm–10.30pm:<br />

0300 304 7000<br />

Mind<br />

Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank<br />

holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk<br />

Switchboard<br />

Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm:<br />

0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt<br />

IN THIS ISSUE<br />

p16<br />

INFORMATION AND ADVICE FOR PANIC DISORDERS<br />

Discover a range of services for those with panic disorders –<br />

including one-to-one and group sessions, a befriending service,<br />

and free information – at nopanic.org.uk<br />

p28<br />

LEARN ABOUT PTSD<br />

Read others' stories about their experiences with PTSD, and find<br />

advice for friends and family members, at ptsduk.org<br />

p39<br />

SUPPORT GROUPS FOR DEPRESSION<br />

Find online groups, pen friend schemes, and tools to connect with<br />

others living with depression by visiting depressionuk.org<br />

p54<br />

FIND A COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIST NEAR YOU<br />

Learn more about complementary therapy and search for<br />

therapists in your area by visiting therapy-directory.org.uk<br />

p66<br />

SUPPORT FOR ALCOHOL ADDICTION<br />

Connect with online advisors, commit to drink-free days, and learn<br />

about tackling alcohol abuse at drinkaware.co.uk<br />

p76<br />

ADVICE ON LIVING WITH ANXIETY<br />

Find information on a range of anxiety disorders, tips and<br />

information on living with symptoms, and advice on accessing<br />

support at anxietyuk.org.uk or call their infoline on 03444 775 774


The Uplift<br />

COMMUNITY<br />

Hampshire<br />

firefighters’<br />

wellbeing blooms<br />

In a bid to improve the mental<br />

health of its firefighters, Hampshire<br />

Fire and Rescue Service (HFRS) has<br />

created two, on-site, holistic garden<br />

spaces to support staff dealing with<br />

traumatic incidents.<br />

And this innovative plan is<br />

desperately needed. In England last<br />

year, 837 firefighters took time off<br />

work due to mental health problems.<br />

But being in tranquil outdoor<br />

spaces can have an incredibly<br />

positive effect on our mental health,<br />

and so – with the support of local<br />

company Apollo Fire Detectors<br />

Ltd– the HFRS created the outdoor<br />

spaces, which feature natural<br />

landscaping and garden furniture,<br />

for staff to use to take quiet<br />

moments for themselves.<br />

The gardens, at stations in<br />

Redbridge and Havant, the latest in<br />

several moves by HFRS to support<br />

the mental health of staff, including<br />

the Trauma Risk Management<br />

scheme, which aims to support<br />

firefighters following harrowing<br />

events, and training in mental<br />

health first aid.<br />

“I am hugely proud of the strides<br />

our organisation has made in terms<br />

of raising awareness of mental<br />

health issues and supporting our<br />

colleagues,” Deputy Chief Fire<br />

Officer Steve Apter said. “These<br />

tranquil spaces show the wellbeing<br />

of our staff really is at the heart of<br />

everything we do.”<br />

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler


SEX<br />

New pill could spice up your sex life<br />

Fenugreek is a herb used to flavour curries, but research<br />

suggests it could add zest in the bedroom, too<br />

A libido-boosting pill containing<br />

fenugreek has been tested on 29<br />

post-menopausal women, with<br />

results showing an increased<br />

blood flow to the genitals, and<br />

raised testosterone levels.<br />

Researchers from the Palacios’<br />

Institute of Women’s Health, in<br />

Spain, revealed that when one<br />

aspect of the participant’s sex<br />

lives improved, others followed<br />

in a ‘domino effect’.<br />

The findings could be a gamechanger<br />

for sexual wellbeing.<br />

Using a questionnaire-based<br />

Female Sexual Function Index<br />

(FSFI), which is a scale from 0 to<br />

36, anyone scoring below 26 is<br />

considered to be at risk of sexual<br />

dysfunction. Before the trial, the<br />

participants had an average score<br />

of 20 and after the trial, their score<br />

increased to 25.<br />

Dr Santiago Palacios, who led the<br />

research, said: “The administration<br />

of this product is associated with<br />

a significant increase not only<br />

in desire and arousal, but also in<br />

vaginal lubrication and orgasm.”<br />

Sounds like a great way to heat<br />

things up in the bedroom!<br />

Writing | Kat Nicholls<br />

LGBTQ+<br />

Liverpool<br />

FC supports<br />

Rainbow Laces<br />

campaign<br />

In a widely welcomed move,<br />

Liverpool FC recently joined the<br />

campaign asking sports players<br />

to wear rainbow laces to support<br />

LGBTQ+ players, and the wider<br />

community. Players in two games<br />

– one with the men’s team and<br />

another with the women’s – got<br />

involved.<br />

In addition to players wearing<br />

the laces, both team captains wore<br />

rainbow armbands to lead the show<br />

of support.<br />

But the work didn’t stop there.<br />

Laces were available for fans to<br />

buy, and the LFC Foundation – the<br />

club’s official charity – also held<br />

workshops with pupils from 16 local<br />

schools, which looked at breaking<br />

down misconceptions surrounding<br />

equality and inclusion, as well as<br />

LGBTQ+ history.<br />

The diversity and inclusion senior<br />

manager at LFC, Simon Thornton,<br />

sees this move as a positive sign of<br />

things to come.<br />

“The promotion of diversity and<br />

inclusion is something we are<br />

committed to and passionate about.<br />

From being the first Premier League<br />

club to march at a Pride parade<br />

eight years ago, to the first club<br />

to achieve the Premier League’s<br />

Advanced Equality Standard, we<br />

are continually striving to do more,<br />

work with leaders in the field to<br />

improve, and be the best we can be.”<br />

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 9


“<br />

However rare true love may be, it<br />

is less so than true friendship<br />

- FRANCOIS DE LA ROCHEFOUCAULD


FRIENDSHIP<br />

IRL connections<br />

with friends are<br />

key to happiness<br />

So many of us rely on texting,<br />

WhatsApp, and social media to stay<br />

in touch with friends – and while this<br />

is great, it doesn’t beat meeting up<br />

in real life. Speaking to Well+Good<br />

website, social-personality<br />

psychologist Dr William Chopik<br />

explained how spending time with<br />

friends in person is one of the best<br />

ways to boost overall happiness.<br />

“Friendships are really important<br />

for people’s happiness. In general,<br />

[they offer] improvements on<br />

metrics like depression and anxiety,”<br />

he said.<br />

The benefits of meeting in real<br />

life, rather than digitally, include<br />

being able to see facial expressions<br />

and picking up on their emotions.<br />

“You don’t always get that through a<br />

phone call,” Dr Chopik explains.<br />

A study from Harvard University<br />

looked into the benefits of strong<br />

relationships and agreed that time<br />

with friends can improve happiness<br />

– and even longevity. Results from<br />

the study found that meeting with<br />

friends is as beneficial to long-term<br />

health as not smoking, eating well,<br />

and getting adequate sleep.<br />

So next time you reach for your<br />

phone to message a friend, use it<br />

to set a date for an IRL catch-up<br />

instead. Writing | Kat Nicholls<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 11


Take 5<br />

Take a mindful moment to yourself with our challenging Sudoku this month.<br />

Then try a classic riddle with your friends and family – a perfect after-dinner<br />

conundrum. Get your thinking caps on!<br />

Sudoku<br />

Fill the grid with digits so that each column, each row, and each of the nine<br />

3×3 subgrids that compose the grid contain all of the digits from 1 to 9.<br />

3 7 9 5<br />

5 4 3 9<br />

7 5 4<br />

1 2 8<br />

7 3 9 8<br />

9 4 5 2 7<br />

7 1 5 4 2<br />

8 6 1 4 9 3<br />

5 7 1<br />

Riddle<br />

What eight-letter word can you remove a letter from, and it still<br />

makes a word? And then as you continue to remove one letter<br />

at a time, it can still form a full word, even when you have one<br />

letter left. What is that word? Hint: When you begin, you’ve got it<br />

How did<br />

you do? Search<br />

‘freebies' at<br />

shop.happiful.com<br />

to find the answers,<br />

and more!


Going up<br />

Dance fever<br />

According to a<br />

Japanese study,<br />

chimps have it!<br />

Flying high<br />

World’s first<br />

commericial<br />

electric plane<br />

has a successful<br />

flight<br />

Write on time!<br />

Handwriting<br />

thank you notes<br />

can boost<br />

your MH<br />

Seven hours a<br />

year – the time<br />

men apparently<br />

spend hiding<br />

from chores in<br />

bathrooms<br />

Zzz<br />

Research shows<br />

sleeping next to<br />

a snorer impacts<br />

your health<br />

Going down<br />

The<br />

wellbeing<br />

wrap<br />

Make ‘em laugh<br />

A study from Arizona<br />

State University found<br />

99% of science students<br />

appreciate a teacher<br />

with humour. Students<br />

reported that jokes reduce<br />

stress, and help improve<br />

their memory of<br />

lessons. Sounds like the<br />

formula for success.<br />

LOVE IS IN THE AIR<br />

Raising a dog together could be a great boost to<br />

couples, according to research from rover.com,<br />

where 60% of survey respondents said their romantic<br />

relationships grew ‘stronger and happier’ after<br />

getting their furry friend. The survey also revealed<br />

that 88% of people agreed that teamwork was a key<br />

factor in taking care of their new pet, and almost<br />

50% said their pooch gave them a great excuse to<br />

spend more time together. So it seems raising a pet<br />

together could be the best way to say “I ruff you”...<br />

DID YOU KNOW<br />

SEAWEED COULD<br />

SAVE THE PLANET?<br />

BY FEEDING A<br />

SPECIFIC STRAIN<br />

– ASPARAGOPSIS<br />

TAXIFORMIS – TO<br />

COWS, WE CAN<br />

DRAMATICALLY<br />

REDUCE THE METHANE<br />

PRODUCED BY THEIR<br />

FARTS AND BURPS!<br />

Climate change activism is<br />

boosting the wellbeing of<br />

youngsters, according to<br />

psychologists. While ecoanxiety<br />

may have become<br />

rife in recent years, taking a<br />

stand is helping overcome a<br />

sense of powerlessness,<br />

and in doing so,<br />

benefits people’s<br />

mental health!<br />

INNOVATION EXCELS<br />

The University Hospitals of Derby and Burton<br />

NHS Trust have become the first to introduce<br />

disposable headscarfs. Created by junior doctor<br />

Farah Roslan, the disposable hijabs allow Muslim<br />

staff to respect their faith, while avoiding passing<br />

on germs to patients. A brilliant idea, that’s just<br />

what the doctor ordered.<br />

KINDNESS<br />

OVERLOAD<br />

A six-year-old from Georgia,<br />

USA, might just have won the<br />

most heartwarming moment<br />

of the year already. Blake’s<br />

mum shared a snap of him<br />

wearing a homemade shirt<br />

saying ‘I’ll be your friend’,<br />

and revealed he requested<br />

the top to show all the kids<br />

who need friends that<br />

they’re not alone.<br />

#Give a Ruck<br />

A new campaign,<br />

by Tessa Beecroft from<br />

Holt Rugby Club, is tackling<br />

mental health stigma in rugby.<br />

Signposting support, and<br />

looking to secure a mental<br />

health first aider for every<br />

club, it’s a campaign<br />

well worth a try!<br />

Love don’t<br />

cost a thing<br />

It turns out JLo might have got<br />

that wrong, as a study reveals<br />

relationships cost people an<br />

average of £3,600 a year. New<br />

research from Lloyds Bank<br />

suggests singletons (though not<br />

single households) typically spend<br />

£300 less a month on living costs.<br />

But single or coupled up, being<br />

happy is priceless.<br />

Hot to trot<br />

You may be familiar<br />

with therapy dogs, but<br />

another four-legged<br />

friend has been<br />

supporting people’s<br />

wellbeing in Scotland.<br />

Elaine and John Sangster are<br />

the couple travelling around<br />

the country, taking their eight<br />

miniature Shetland ponies<br />

to care homes, hospitals,<br />

and hospices, to help people<br />

with dementia, brain injuries,<br />

disabilities, or special needs.<br />

And the reactions they’ve seen<br />

are truly moving, as people<br />

who’ve not spoken a word in<br />

years interact with the ponies.<br />

Animal therapy has been<br />

found to reduce anxiety and<br />

stress in people, so the guests<br />

are supporting the mental<br />

health needs of some of the<br />

most vulnerable people. What<br />

a heartwarming tail...


For many of us, going to the doctor can feel daunting<br />

and fill us with anxiety – but it doesn't have to be so<br />

overwhelming. Here are some tips to help overcome your<br />

fears, make you calmer, and lower your blood pressure<br />

?<br />

What is<br />

white coat syndrome<br />

Writing | Lindsay George<br />

Illustrating | Rosan Magar<br />

Does the mere thought of<br />

visiting your doctor fill<br />

you with dread? Despite<br />

telling yourself that<br />

you’ll be in safe hands<br />

and there’s absolutely nothing to<br />

worry about, you just can’t help<br />

feeling anxious?<br />

Well the good news is, you’re not<br />

alone! A recent study revealed that<br />

between 15% and 30% of people in<br />

the UK experience this.<br />

This phenomenon, known as<br />

white coat syndrome, white coat<br />

hypertension, or the white coat<br />

effect, occurs when an individual<br />

experiences higher than normal<br />

blood pressure when they are in a<br />

clinical setting.<br />

It’s believed to be a symptom of<br />

the fear of the unknown, and/or a<br />

negative association with hospitals<br />

and clinics. The problem here is<br />

that, for many people, taking that<br />

first step towards seeking help<br />

for their health is hard enough<br />

emotionally already, so addressing<br />

white coat syndrome is essential to<br />

make sure people aren’t deterred.<br />

Despite white coat syndrome<br />

causing a spike in the blood<br />

pressure of individuals who are<br />

normally deemed within the<br />

healthy range group, some doctors<br />

believe it might reveal people who<br />

may develop actual hypertension,<br />

therefore a thorough assessment is<br />

essential.<br />

Diagnosing someone with white<br />

coat syndrome can be challenging,<br />

as it’s often difficult to gain a<br />

precise reading. In real terms, this<br />

may mean your doctor comparing<br />

readings taken in the clinic with<br />

those at home. Talk to your doctor<br />

about this if you have any concerns.<br />

Meanwhile, there are several<br />

things you can do to help yourself<br />

overcome your fears.<br />

TRY RELAXATION TECHNIQUES<br />

Relaxation techniques, such as<br />

breath exercises and meditation,<br />

can be incredibly useful in teaching<br />

you how to calm down. They’re<br />

popular, easy to do, and the medical<br />

benefits are well-proven.<br />

14 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


DISTRACTION THERAPY<br />

Try focusing on something other<br />

than the blood pressure test itself.<br />

For example, try counting things<br />

in the room (three things you can<br />

see, two you can hear, one you can<br />

touch), or even wiggling your toes<br />

– the important thing is to take<br />

your mind off the task in hand.<br />

REDUCE THE CHAT<br />

Talking while getting your<br />

blood pressure taken can<br />

actually raise it a little, so<br />

maybe hold the chat until after<br />

the reading is done.<br />

TRY SOME DEEP<br />

BREATHING EXERCISES<br />

Simply breathe in through<br />

your nose for three seconds, hold<br />

your breath for five seconds,<br />

exhale through your mouth<br />

for seven seconds, and repeat<br />

that cycle four times. Not only<br />

will your mind be focused<br />

on something else, but<br />

you are also actively<br />

suppressing your<br />

body’s fight-or-flight<br />

response to stress.<br />

Try to complete this<br />

cycle before your<br />

blood pressure is<br />

taken, not during.<br />

TAKE A BRISK<br />

15–20 MINUTE WALK<br />

A short walk is enough to help you<br />

start rhythmic breathing, which<br />

actually decreases blood pressure by<br />

calming the body’s stress response.<br />

REQUEST A QUIET ROOM<br />

When you make an appointment,<br />

ask for a quieter examination room<br />

that’s out of the way of all of the<br />

hustle-and-bustle of the main area.<br />

DRINK A GLASS OF WATER<br />

Another simple tip is to drink a<br />

glass of water. Water has a calming<br />

effect on the nervous system, and<br />

it flushes out sodium, too (a risk<br />

factor in hypertension).<br />

Try counting things<br />

in the room, or even<br />

wiggling your toes – the<br />

important thing is to<br />

take your mind off the<br />

task in hand<br />

WATCH WHAT YOU EAT BEFORE<br />

YOUR DOCTOR’S VISIT<br />

You can’t undo a lifetime of diet<br />

choices in one afternoon, but you<br />

can try avoiding meals that are high<br />

in fat and sodium, ideally at least<br />

two days before your appointment. If<br />

you’re a smoker, try to refrain from<br />

smoking for at least one hour prior to<br />

your appointment.<br />

EAT A BANANA<br />

Did you know that potassium-rich<br />

foods could help control blood flow<br />

and heartbeat? You can take<br />

potassium supplements, but<br />

those can take weeks to have any<br />

significant effect, whereas eating<br />

a banana, a sweet potato, or<br />

some cooked spinach or broccoli,<br />

can show a positive effect in just<br />

one or two hours.<br />

MAKE YOUR APPOINTMENT<br />

FOR LATER IN THE DAY<br />

Blood pressure is likely<br />

to be higher in the<br />

morning. By scheduling<br />

an appointment in the<br />

afternoon, you may<br />

experience lower blood<br />

pressure without having to do<br />

anything else.<br />

COUNSELLING AND<br />

STRESS MANAGEMENT<br />

Stress and anxiety play a significant<br />

role in raising blood pressure.<br />

Therefore, it is essential to try to<br />

find better coping skills. Counselling<br />

provides a safe space for you to talk<br />

about issues that may be creating<br />

additional stress in your life. In<br />

addition, being able to offload<br />

bottled up emotions not only allows<br />

you to feel more relaxed, it promotes<br />

a healthier approach to dealing<br />

with life.<br />

Lindsay George is an integrative<br />

counsellor and trained nurse.<br />

She specialises in areas including<br />

depression, eating disorders, and<br />

relationships. Visit lindsaygeorge.co.uk<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 15


Voice of a<br />

generation<br />

Rising to fame in 2014 as a global<br />

sensation empowering people to love<br />

their bodies, Meghan Trainor isn’t just a<br />

new judge on The Voice UK, but has a<br />

strong voice of her own, and<br />

she isn’t afraid to use it.<br />

Speaking out now about the crippling<br />

panic attacks and anxiety that<br />

overwhelmed her following two<br />

operations on her vocal cords, Meghan<br />

is shining an authentic and endearing<br />

light on how mental illness can affect<br />

anyone, no matter their situation...<br />

Interview | Gemma Calvert<br />

Photography | Paul Buller<br />

It’s a weekday afternoon in<br />

December, in the corner of a lowlit<br />

bar at London’s Langham Hotel,<br />

and against a background hubbub<br />

of festive celebrations, Meghan<br />

Trainor is pouring hot water on to a<br />

bag of herbal tea, while revealing that<br />

her new husband might just be the<br />

world’s most perfect man.<br />

“I am way too lucky. I got the best<br />

guy in the world and more,” she says,<br />

an ear-to-ear grin spreading across<br />

her face. >>>


“I didn’t know men could be so<br />

emotionally intelligent, and know<br />

how you’re feeling at all times.”<br />

Today, actor Daryl Sabara, known<br />

best for his role in the Spy Kids film<br />

series, has come up trumps. He’s<br />

accompanied Massachusetts-born<br />

singer Meghan on a three-day trip to<br />

London from Los Angeles to promote<br />

her new album, Treat Myself, and The<br />

Voice UK, her new TV gig alongside<br />

fellow mentors Olly Murs, will.i.am,<br />

and Sir Tom Jones. While he’s not here<br />

during our chat, he’s arranged for<br />

Throat Coat tea bags to be delivered<br />

to our table. It’s sweet, thoughtful<br />

and, from the look of Meghan, who<br />

is huddled up in an oversized coat,<br />

exactly what she needs.<br />

“I’m so tired, my body’s kind of<br />

crashing because of jet lag and<br />

exhaustion,” she confirms, leaning<br />

forward to inhale the fragrant steam<br />

from the tea, a blend favoured by<br />

singers for vocal TLC. “He knows I<br />

need to drink this.”<br />

I offer that being so cared for,<br />

especially in the midst of a relentless<br />

work schedule – today Meghan’s<br />

completed a photoshoot, another<br />

interview, is dashing to Radio 1 after<br />

we wrap before finishing the day in<br />

the <strong>Happiful</strong> studio – must make her<br />

feel safe.<br />

“I feel safe, protected, and loved<br />

super hard,” says Meghan of the<br />

man she wed in December 2018, on<br />

her 25th birthday, one year after he<br />

proposed. The couple met in July<br />

2016 on a blind date set up by their<br />

mutual friend, actress Chloë Grace<br />

Moretz, and are, Meghan insists,<br />

“soulmates”. Is there a secret to the<br />

strength of their bond?<br />

“There is something that Daryl<br />

and I do that I’ve never done with<br />

other people, and that’s complete<br />

100% honesty – talking to each<br />

other, communication – and that<br />

transparency is everything. We really<br />

care about each other as humans,”<br />

says Meghan, who has previously<br />

revealed she “never really felt sexy<br />

with guys before” meeting Daryl,<br />

who is “obsessed” with “every inch”<br />

of her body. And every day her new<br />

husband persuades her to feel her<br />

best.<br />

“He makes me go to the mirror and<br />

say, ‘My name’s Meghan Trainor and<br />

I’m beautiful, and I deserve to be<br />

loved’,” says Meghan, stifling a giggle.<br />

“He’ll catch me when I’m running out<br />

the door and be like ‘Hey! Look in the<br />

mirror!’ But it helps because I’m like:<br />

‘That’s right, I’m awesome! Let’s go!’”<br />

From the moment Meghan burst<br />

into public consciousness five<br />

years ago with ‘All About That Bass’,<br />

encouraging women to shake their<br />

butts and feel good while doing it,<br />

she became a global poster girl for<br />

body confidence and acceptance.<br />

The track shot to number one<br />

in 58 countries, and challenged<br />

stereotypes by celebrating men and<br />

women with fuller figures.<br />

Since then, she has left nothing of<br />

herself in the wings with her soulbaring<br />

lyrics, which commonly<br />

promote healthy self-confidence in<br />

her fans. So it’s intriguing to discover,<br />

from this mirror mantra story, that<br />

her self-esteem is still a work in<br />

progress.<br />

“That’s who I want to be,” she says.<br />

“I write my songs very much to<br />

myself. I hope I’m helping strangers<br />

too, but they’re to remind myself to<br />

take care of myself, to love myself,<br />

and to be kind to myself. Sometimes<br />

I’m feeling really hot, sometimes<br />

– once a month – I’m not. When I<br />

play those songs, I’m like ‘For these<br />

three minutes, I am a queen’, and I’m<br />

loving myself and it’s awesome.”<br />

I thought, ‘It’s over,<br />

I’m not going to<br />

sing ever again.’ I<br />

went full dive into<br />

the dark zone of<br />

deep thoughts<br />

The songs she references are<br />

from Treat Myself, which dropped in<br />

January <strong>2020</strong>, almost four years after<br />

the release of her last album, and<br />

it’s some of her best work – raw and<br />

honest, yet still trademark Trainor<br />

fun. During the three-year writing<br />

process she “adopted two dogs, got<br />

married [and] had time for myself”,<br />

the latter being shorthand for a<br />

deeply personal journey of recovery<br />

after a second emergency vocal cord<br />

operation in December 2016, 10<br />

months after she won a Grammy for<br />

Best New Artist, left her so anxious<br />

about the future of her music career<br />

she sought therapy.<br />

“I thought, ‘It’s over, I’m not going to<br />

sing ever again,’” explains Meghan.<br />

“I went full dive into the dark zone of<br />

deep thoughts.”<br />

Shortly before the second<br />

procedure – 17 months after the<br />

first – she endured her first anxiety<br />

attack, backstage at America’s CBS<br />

This Morning show before appearing<br />

live to announce the 2017 Grammy<br />

nominations.<br />

“I was so tired and had vocal<br />

issues. I looked at my schedule and<br />

thought, ‘I’m not going to make it,<br />

I’m going to lose my voice.’ I started<br />

hyperventilating, crying hard,<br />

and shaking. I kept saying: ‘What’s<br />

happening?’ It rocked me,” she recalls.<br />

18 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Red Blazer Dress | House of CB, Ring | Thomas Sabo, Earrings | Sif Jakobs<br />

A friend in Meghan’s dressing<br />

room, familiar with panic attacks,<br />

encouraged her to focus on<br />

surrounding objects and name them<br />

one-by-one. “It calmed me down,”<br />

she recalls. “When it finally settled<br />

after 20 minutes, I was like ‘So that’s<br />

what it is?’”<br />

Initially, Meghan struggled to deal<br />

with her reality. Even researching<br />

“anxiety attack” on the internet had<br />

the power to trigger an episode.<br />

“One night I looked up ‘explain<br />

what an anxiety attack is’ on TED<br />

Talks, and within four seconds I fell<br />

over and was like, ‘Oh God, shut it<br />

off!’ I couldn’t hear about it for a<br />

long time.”<br />

Meghan became a prisoner of her<br />

own thoughts, a problem worsened<br />

by weeks of enforced silence –<br />

firstly to heal her haemorrhaging<br />

vocal cords to avoid permanent<br />

damage and proceed with surgery,<br />

then for weeks during recovery. The<br />

isolation was crippling.<br />

“Imagine not being able to speak,<br />

or hum, or cough, or laugh – it<br />

numbs you,” explains Meghan. “You<br />

can’t get excited, you can’t get mad,<br />

and you can’t tell your favourite<br />

person in the world that you love<br />

them. [During] arguments or if I<br />

was frustrated, I’d just shake. A lot<br />

of time spent in your own head is<br />

such a terrible place to be.”<br />

Between operations one and two<br />

Meghan employed a therapist to<br />

help calm her “stress”. She also<br />

sought the help of a hypnotherapist<br />

to cure her of repeatedly picking the<br />

skin on her fingers.<br />

“I’ll pick them, then get really<br />

insecure if I have to do red carpet<br />

and have a bloody finger. It’s still an<br />

issue I’m working on,” she explains.<br />

It wasn’t until Carson Daly, host of<br />

America’s The Voice, spoke publicly >>><br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 19


about his lifelong battle with<br />

generalised anxiety disorder that<br />

Meghan was able to articulate her<br />

own mental health experience.<br />

“He explained physically what<br />

[anxiety] does to you, and I was like<br />

‘That’s exactly it.’ I’ve never heard<br />

anyone explain it so well.”<br />

After finally opening up to<br />

Daryl and her family, Meghan<br />

retreated from the spotlight and<br />

overhauled her lifestyle. She began<br />

transcendental meditation, which<br />

Daryl does every day “religiously”,<br />

and noticed a “huge difference” by<br />

eating more healthily and upping<br />

her weekly quota of exercise.<br />

I’m starting to believe<br />

it. I’ve found beauty<br />

in my body<br />

“My brain is happier,” she<br />

smiles, adding that less frequent<br />

use of Instagram, which she says<br />

triggered problems when she<br />

compared herself to others, is<br />

helping too. She satisfies her phone<br />

“addiction” by watching YouTube<br />

videos, and using new video<br />

sharing app TikTok – her “saviour”.<br />

“Rather than only show how<br />

awesome your life is, TikTok is<br />

[about] ‘look how goofy I am’. I don’t<br />

have to have the perfect pose and<br />

the best makeup, this is how I am.”<br />

Choosing not to speak to herself<br />

negatively is another feel-good<br />

trick up Meghan’s sleeve.<br />

“I got this from my mother; she<br />

says all the time: ‘I look horrible<br />

and I’m so frumpy today’ and I’m<br />

like, ‘Ma! Shh! You’re training your<br />

brain to hate yourself.’ That’s what<br />

I grew up listening to, so I did that<br />

too. The more you say [negative<br />

comments] the more your brain<br />

believes it. Your brain is a sponge.”<br />

And so what’s her inner dialogue<br />

like now?<br />

“I look at pictures of myself and<br />

think ‘Isn’t she cute?’ Or I’ll give<br />

myself compliments out loud and it<br />

totally works, I’m starting to believe<br />

it. I’ve found beauty in my body.”<br />

Prescription medication, she<br />

admits, is also helping. Meghan,<br />

who initially tried beta blockers to<br />

calm pre-performance palpitations,<br />

now takes citalopram – a type of<br />

antidepressant sometimes used to<br />

treat panic attacks.<br />

“I need it. It saved my life in so<br />

many ways,” she says, though she<br />

does plan to come off it eventually.<br />

“It’s the lowest milligrammes. It’s<br />

probably placebo at this point, but<br />

[my doctor] says ‘if you’re happy, I<br />

wouldn’t mess with it, especially if<br />

you’re about to go into a lot of work.’”<br />

Right now Meghan’s schedule is<br />

hectic, but there are no complaints.<br />

Hard work is ingrained in Meghan,<br />

who started out as a songwriter<br />

signed to a country music label, not<br />

believing she had the ‘pop star look’<br />

to make it as an artist. She resigned<br />

herself to writing music for others,<br />

but within two years penned ‘All<br />

About That Bass’ and laid down her<br />

vocals, which caught the attention<br />

of producer LA Reid, who instructed<br />

his team to “just sign her”. She’s<br />

evidently still grateful for that break.<br />

There’s also a renewed appreciation<br />

for her career since surgery<br />

threatened to derail it.<br />

“I show up to things and I’m like<br />

‘Thank you for letting me be here,’”<br />

says Meghan, who boasts 10.5<br />

million followers on Instagram<br />

alone, yet endearingly, struggles to<br />

comprehend the magnitude of her<br />

stardom. >>><br />

>>><br />

20 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Top | Topshop, Earrings | Sif Jakobs


I feel accepted<br />

for who I am.<br />

That’s why I love<br />

doing TV because<br />

I don’t have<br />

to go up there<br />

and pretend I’m<br />

someone else<br />

Jumper | Sézane, Hair & Skincare | Rosalique and Paul Mitchell<br />

Styling | Krishan Parmar<br />

Hair | Charley McEwen<br />

Makeup | Karin Darnell


“Doing The Voice, I was like, ‘What<br />

if they don’t know me and my<br />

music?’ I told Olly Murs and he<br />

said ‘I know exactly how you feel.<br />

I felt the same way, but you’ll be<br />

surprised, everyone will know who<br />

you are.’ He was so good to me.”<br />

Becoming a mentor on ITV’s<br />

music talent show was a “bucketlist<br />

moment” for Meghan, who says<br />

the format – not being about “what<br />

you look like, what you’ve been<br />

through and who you are” but “the<br />

pure talent” – attracted her. She<br />

instantly felt part of the “family”<br />

and describes Olly as her “new best<br />

friend”, presenter Emma Willis like<br />

someone she has “known my whole<br />

life”, and will.i.am as childlike as<br />

she is. “He’ll be tapping a beat on<br />

his table and I’ll start writing a song<br />

with it, then we’ll be like ‘That’s<br />

a smash!’” says Meghan. “It’s fun<br />

moments like that where you don’t<br />

feel like you’re at work.”<br />

Meghan hasn’t had a panic attack<br />

for “probably more than a year”.<br />

Does she feel more resilient since<br />

finding light after darkness?<br />

“I feel like I conquered it,” she<br />

says. “It sucks in the moment when<br />

it’s happening, you think ‘this will<br />

never end and I’ll live with this for<br />

the rest of my life’, but you don’t<br />

have to. You ask for help, and I<br />

can say I’m so much better. I know<br />

what triggers me now. If I don’t get<br />

sleep, and my body’s exhausted, it<br />

confuses my brain with panic. I can<br />

listen to my body more now.”<br />

Meghan no longer has counselling,<br />

but is intent on finding an industry<br />

mentor, someone who’s “been<br />

through” what she has, to guide and<br />

advise. Someone like?<br />

“Kelly Clarkson,” replies Meghan.<br />

“Every time I see her she’s the<br />

nicest human I’ve ever met. I’m<br />

like ‘Ah man, I want to be a Kelly<br />

Clarkson!’”<br />

As for other plans for the future,<br />

motherhood is calling. Loudly.<br />

During a recent shopping trip, the<br />

elevator doors opened to reveal<br />

a floor-to-ceiling display of baby<br />

products. It sparked a surge of<br />

broodiness in Meghan.<br />

“I always say my ovaries are crying<br />

because they just want babies.<br />

My body is so ready for it. I’m not<br />

trying, but I’m learning new tips<br />

from my mum every day. I go on<br />

YouTube and I’ve been studying like<br />

I’m going to school. It’s so weird!”<br />

Family means everything to<br />

Meghan. Every song on her new<br />

album features appearances from<br />

the Trainor clan and Daryl, who<br />

pulled out all the stops for the<br />

couple’s first wedding anniversary<br />

before Christmas, a celebration<br />

at their home in Los Angeles –<br />

Meghan’s “happy place”.<br />

As my time with Meghan draws<br />

to a close, I question whether she’s<br />

finally found love for the person<br />

she’s struggled to value most over<br />

the years – herself. Meghan smiles.<br />

“I’m very proud of myself and,<br />

yes, I love myself,” she says. “I feel<br />

accepted for who I am. That’s why I<br />

love doing TV, because I don’t have<br />

to go up there and act, to pretend<br />

I’m someone else.”<br />

With a speciality in never taking<br />

her talent for granted, Meghan<br />

Trainor should buckle up. She’s<br />

destined for the long-haul.<br />

Meghan’s album ‘Treat Myself’ is out<br />

31 January. Follow her on Instagram<br />

@meghan_trainor, and watch her as<br />

a judge on ITV’s ‘The Voice’.<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 23


How to build a<br />

healthy<br />

relationship<br />

We all seek friendship, love, and happiness with others, but it’s important<br />

to keep nourishing those relationships over time. Here are some expert<br />

pointers to help you create strong and lasting personal connections<br />

Writing | John Kenny Illustrating | Rosan Magar<br />

Every relationship needs a bit<br />

of work, no matter how long<br />

it’s lasted. One of the most<br />

common things that can<br />

affect a relationship in a negative<br />

way is what we learn to expect.<br />

We expect that they should know<br />

us, know how we feel, what we are<br />

thinking, and constantly be on our<br />

wavelength. We assume that we<br />

know them, what makes them tick,<br />

what kind of mood they are in, and<br />

how to make them feel better. But,<br />

the long and short of it is that, well,<br />

maybe we don’t.<br />

Here are four things that people<br />

in healthy relationships do:<br />

THEY KNOW THEMSELVES<br />

The first and, in my opinion, the<br />

most important thing you need<br />

to do is to understand you. The<br />

relationship that you have with<br />

yourself will reflect all others that<br />

you have.<br />

Whatever you bring to a<br />

relationship will determine how<br />

you are in a relationship, and<br />

how the other person is towards<br />

you. Knowing yourself, and what<br />

truly makes you happy, will help<br />

you to live in a positive space,<br />

and positively affect all of your<br />

relationships.


Be self-aware – get to know<br />

yourself and how you ‘tick’. By<br />

gaining this understanding, and<br />

knowing your triggers, means<br />

you can try to control them, and<br />

address what sets them off in your<br />

relationships.<br />

Understand your wants and<br />

needs – most people will be able<br />

to tell you what they don’t want,<br />

but hardly ever what they do want.<br />

Without this knowledge, or why<br />

you have specific needs, then you<br />

may struggle to feel fulfilled.<br />

Learn what your values and<br />

principles are. We have a tendency<br />

to live by the values we learn<br />

from others, and sometimes<br />

life can feel incongruent<br />

because of this. Living by<br />

your own values will enable<br />

you to live authentically, and<br />

align with people who live<br />

the same way.<br />

THEY DO IT BECAUSE<br />

THEY WANT TO<br />

When I first started working with<br />

clients, we spoke a lot about the<br />

importance of compromise. How<br />

we all need to give something for<br />

the relationship to be a success.<br />

However, this had a tendency to<br />

lead to animosity and a ‘you give, I<br />

give’ mentality in some people.<br />

Compromise has a negative<br />

connotation: ‘I am giving<br />

something up!’ Nobody really<br />

wants to think they are sacrificing<br />

in this way, as what they are giving<br />

is not being given freely. So now,<br />

nobody compromises.<br />

This will play out differently,<br />

depending on the type of<br />

relationship, but remind yourself<br />

what the best thing for you to do is.<br />

An example is when you really<br />

care about someone, you do<br />

something for them just because<br />

you care. Giving something<br />

because you want to is a great way<br />

to ensure a happy and healthy<br />

relationship. It needs to feel<br />

authentic to make it a ‘want to’ or a<br />

‘could do’, rather than a ‘should’.<br />

In a healthy relationship, this will<br />

be reciprocated.<br />

THEY’RE ALWAYS LEARNING<br />

ABOUT EACH OTHER<br />

When we embark on a<br />

relationship, we get to know one<br />

another, and then start to assume<br />

that we really know each other.<br />

What’s common, however, is that<br />

we get to know them from our own<br />

perspective, from what we need,<br />

and what makes us feel good.<br />

In his book The 5 Love Languages,<br />

author Gary Chapman says that<br />

“your emotional love language…<br />

may be as different as speaking<br />

Chinese and English”.<br />

What he means is if you feel<br />

loved by someone telling you they<br />

love you… and they feel loved by<br />

receiving affection, you can tell<br />

them you love them until the end<br />

of the earth, and they won’t feel it.<br />

And if they constantly cuddle you,<br />

then you won’t feel it, either.<br />

Take the time to understand what<br />

the other person really needs to<br />

feel cared for, and don’t forget to<br />

tell people what you need, too!<br />

THEY TALK ABOUT THE GOOD<br />

AND THE BAD<br />

How often, and how well, do<br />

we actually communicate with<br />

others? And how often, and how<br />

well, do we think we communicate<br />

with others? We have a tendency<br />

to communicate something<br />

when we ‘need’ to and when<br />

we ‘need’ to, it’s generally<br />

something negative.<br />

Take some time,<br />

on a regular basis, to<br />

communicate something<br />

positive to someone. And<br />

when you have something<br />

negative to say, remember to set<br />

up a time to discuss things when<br />

everyone is in the right frame of<br />

mind to talk.<br />

Relationships can be<br />

complicated, as we are all<br />

individuals with our own ways of<br />

doing and seeing things.<br />

For yours to be healthy, you need<br />

to take the time to understand<br />

yourself, reflect on what other<br />

people need, and then live the best<br />

relationships possible.<br />

John Kenny is the founder of<br />

Interpersonal Relationship Coaching<br />

(IRC), and author of ‘The P.E.O.P.L.E<br />

Programme’. Visit<br />

johnkennycoaching.com<br />

for more.


Photography | Thai An<br />

“<br />

Self-compassion is simply giving<br />

the same kindness to ourselves<br />

that we would give to others<br />

– CHRISTOPHER GERMER


Spend some quality time…<br />

with yourself<br />

As Carrie Bradshaw said in<br />

Sex and The City, the most<br />

significant relationship in our<br />

lives is the one we have with<br />

ourselves. So why not spend<br />

some essential you-time<br />

with your truest soulmate?<br />

Writing | Kat Nicholls<br />

1 Head to a museum or art gallery<br />

Feed your curiosity with a trip to a<br />

museum or gallery. Visit somewhere<br />

you’ve never been to before, and go<br />

all out – use the audio tour, enjoy<br />

lunch in the cafe, pop into the gift<br />

shop before you leave. Soak up every<br />

piece of information, and follow<br />

whatever piques your interest.<br />

Need some museum inspo? Head<br />

to tripadvisor.co.uk. According to<br />

reviewers, the top museums in the<br />

UK include the National Railway<br />

Museum in York, the National<br />

Gallery in London, and the Roman<br />

Baths in Bath.<br />

2 Go for a coffee and reading date<br />

When you’re craving some quiet<br />

time, or even a little escapism, grab<br />

a book and take yourself off to your<br />

favourite cafe. Order a drink and<br />

settle into a comfy seat.<br />

Enjoy the bustling hum of the<br />

cafe in the background, or put your<br />

headphones on and listen to some<br />

soothing music. Get lost in the<br />

pages, and let everything else fall<br />

away for an hour or two.<br />

3 See something at the cinema<br />

How often have you missed a film<br />

you were excited about because no<br />

one else wanted to see it? Next time,<br />

We’d love to hear<br />

about your solo<br />

adventures! Tag<br />

@happiful_<br />

magazine on<br />

Instagram<br />

head to the cinema solo. You won’t<br />

have to worry about sharing your<br />

popcorn (or deal with that friend<br />

who loves talking through the<br />

trailers), and you can go whenever<br />

suits you.<br />

4 Learn something new<br />

Developing a new skill can be<br />

incredibly fulfilling, and helps to<br />

keep our brains healthy. According<br />

to research, learning a second<br />

language can increase your grey<br />

matter and slow down brain ageing.<br />

Why not try a class in your local<br />

area? You could take a pasta-making<br />

course (and enjoy the finished<br />

product at home with a glass of<br />

wine), an art class, or grow your<br />

brain by learning a language.<br />

5 Go street combing<br />

A creativity technique devised<br />

by Dutch innovation consultant<br />

Richard Stomp, street combing<br />

involves walking up and down<br />

a street and taking pictures of<br />

anything and everything that<br />

interests you. It sounds simple,<br />

but it’s an amazing way to get<br />

your creative juices flowing while<br />

getting you out in the fresh air –<br />

and helping you see familiar streets<br />

with fresh eyes.


Tackling trauma…<br />

with Grace<br />

As a trainee counsellor, and having experienced trauma first-hand,<br />

Grace Victory opens up about what it’s really like to live with PTSD<br />

There are so many<br />

topics I want to<br />

confront and discuss<br />

concerning wellbeing<br />

and trauma – the list<br />

is literally endless. I have such a<br />

huge passion for dissecting these<br />

topics because, in the midst of<br />

life, everything always feels a bit<br />

better when you realise you’re<br />

not alone.<br />

I remember the very first time<br />

I spoke openly about depression<br />

and my eating disorder. It was<br />

way back in 2011, in a YouTube<br />

video, and it felt revolutionary,<br />

like something had been lifted<br />

and my eyes had been opened. I<br />

remember thinking “Wow... when<br />

you talk about your feelings, other<br />

people talk about theirs, too.”<br />

It was powerful. While talking<br />

may not be the only way to heal<br />

and recognise the difficult things<br />

within us, it really can be a good<br />

place to start.<br />

As a child, I always knew<br />

something was a bit off with me,<br />

but I could never pinpoint what<br />

it was exactly. I rarely felt angry,<br />

I always felt sad, and I never felt<br />

safe. Maybe some of you can<br />

relate? I felt like the black sheep<br />

who was shunned by others, so I<br />

isolated myself.<br />

My basic needs were met, but<br />

many other needs were not, which<br />

is still something I’m coming to<br />

terms with. For a long time, I didn’t<br />

realise I hadn’t experienced what<br />

other people would call a ‘normal’<br />

childhood, but I guess it was normal<br />

for me.<br />

I remember the first time I sat<br />

down with a therapist and told<br />

them what my childhood was like. I<br />

reeled off things I’d heard, seen, and<br />

had happen to me. I was so used to<br />

trauma that I minimised it in my<br />

head. If it was small and locked in<br />

a cage then I didn’t have to feel or<br />

deal with it. I detached so much<br />

from myself that telling my story<br />

became matter-of-fact, as if it wasn’t<br />

my own story that I was telling.<br />

It wasn’t until I was 26 that I began<br />

to realise the effects that trauma<br />

had had on me, and in the summer<br />

of 2016 I received a diagnosis of<br />

post-traumatic stress disorder<br />

(PTSD). My initial reaction was<br />

“Well WTF is that? It sounds like<br />

some sort of weird disease that I<br />

definitely do not want.” I was that<br />

person. I had (still have) so much<br />

shame inside of me about my<br />

victimhood that I hated the fact I<br />

had ‘something’.<br />

For those of you who are unsure<br />

what PTSD is exactly, allow me to<br />

I am learning that<br />

being a victim<br />

doesn’t make me<br />

weak, feeling pain<br />

doesn’t make me<br />

a burden, and<br />

that what other<br />

people did, has<br />

never been my<br />

fault<br />

Photography | Paul Buller<br />

28 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


@GRACEFVICTORY<br />

First steps<br />

for support...<br />

If you feel ready to reach out<br />

for help, the best thing to do<br />

initially is speak to your GP.<br />

They can advise you on<br />

treatment options, and<br />

remember, you don’t have<br />

to go alone. A friend or<br />

family member can be<br />

there beside you.<br />

break it down for you. PTSD is a<br />

mental health condition triggered<br />

by an event, or a series of events,<br />

that the individual experiences as<br />

terrifying. This can be something<br />

happening to them, or watching it<br />

happen. PTSD causes your brain<br />

to remain in the danger zone due<br />

to increased stress levels. PTSD<br />

can then manifest as flashbacks,<br />

anxiety, and depression, when<br />

triggered by anything from scents<br />

to loud noises. Some catalysts for<br />

PTSD include war, rape, domestic<br />

violence, and severe sickness.<br />

My diagnosis meant that I<br />

needed to confront my issues head<br />

on, and I felt overwhelmed with<br />

dread. However, somewhere deep<br />

inside of me, I also felt relief. Like<br />

my inner child was saying: “Thank<br />

God I’m not making all of this up<br />

in my head.”<br />

It’s been three years since my<br />

diagnosis and honestly, most<br />

days I am surprised by how much<br />

trauma has affected my life. I<br />

don’t tend to talk about it much<br />

online because everything is<br />

pretty painful still. Isn’t it weird<br />

how much pain a person can feel,<br />

and still smile? I smile every day,<br />

but every day I feel confused and<br />

lost, and like everything I once<br />

knew was a lie. I am learning that<br />

being a victim doesn’t make<br />

me weak, feeling pain doesn’t<br />

make me a burden, and that<br />

what other people did, has<br />

never been my fault.<br />

PTSD keeps you in an almost<br />

constant state of “fight or<br />

flight” – like a ticking time<br />

bomb that’s about to explode<br />

into rage or erupt into tears.<br />

And for some people this could<br />

be disappearing (physically or<br />

emotionally) and not feeling<br />

anything at all.<br />

Now that I am working on my<br />

subconscious programming,<br />

and learning how to re-parent<br />

myself, I am so aware of my<br />

triggers and internal thoughts,<br />

so life is so much easier. Now I<br />

know why I’m angry, or why I’m<br />

sad, and I have the tools to sit<br />

with those feelings, or release<br />

them safely. Some days are<br />

battles that I lose, some days are<br />

battles I win, and some days no<br />

battles exist, and I am learning<br />

to be OK with all three.<br />

Love<br />

Grace<br />

x<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 29


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30 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong><br />

Helping you find the help you need.


The heart<br />

of health<br />

A regular face on our TV screens,<br />

Dr Rangan Chatterjee knows better<br />

than most what good health looks<br />

like. But in a time when the secrets<br />

to wellbeing seem more convoluted<br />

than ever, Dr Chatterjee is stripping<br />

things back. Here, we talk about<br />

the key to keeping up New Year’s<br />

resolutions, the importance of making<br />

connections, and his revolutionary<br />

new book: Feel Better in 5<br />

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler<br />

Hi Rangan! <strong>2020</strong> has just begun<br />

– what are your thoughts on New<br />

Year’s health trends?<br />

Now, here’s a thing that I’ve<br />

noticed in my practice: a lot of<br />

people are trying to cut back on<br />

sugar or alcohol, and for a week<br />

or two, they can do it. But then<br />

normally, by week two, week<br />

three, they’re starting to slip back<br />

into their existing behaviours.<br />

The reason why this is<br />

happening, in a lot of cases, is<br />

because that alcohol and sugar<br />

was serving a role. It was helping<br />

someone soothe the stress in<br />

their life. Maybe their work was<br />

too stressful, or they were lonely.<br />

Whatever the stressor, they were<br />

using sugar and/or alcohol to help<br />

them. So, they won’t reduce sugar<br />

or alcohol in the long term, unless<br />

you address the root cause of why<br />

they were using it in the first place.<br />

Does that make sense?<br />

It does, and that’s very much the<br />

theme of your new book?<br />

Absolutely. That’s why I couldn’t<br />

write a book just on food. In Feel<br />

Better in 5, I’ve made health super<br />

simple. Everything in the book<br />

takes five minutes, maximum. >>><br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 31


If you look at all the behavioural<br />

science, you don’t create a new<br />

behaviour by making it difficult<br />

What do you mean by ‘heart’?<br />

When it comes to health, heart<br />

is something that doesn’t get<br />

spoken enough about – it’s our<br />

connection. Our connection with<br />

our self, our connection with our<br />

friends or our partners. When<br />

you miss one of these areas, it’s<br />

very hard to make changes stick<br />

because they all feed into one<br />

another.<br />

It sounds like a gimmick, but it’s<br />

really not, because if you look at<br />

all the behavioural science, this<br />

is the way that you create a new<br />

behaviour – you don’t create a new<br />

behaviour by making it difficult,<br />

you create a new behaviour by<br />

making it easy.<br />

How does Feel Better in 5 work?<br />

You have to choose one fiveminute<br />

intervention from mind,<br />

one for body, one for heart – and<br />

do them every day, five days a<br />

week. So, literally 15 minutes a<br />

day, five days a week, is all you<br />

have to do. By doing this, you’re<br />

covering the three important<br />

areas.<br />

You’re working on your mental<br />

health, which is the mind piece,<br />

body is actually a series of fiveminute<br />

workouts, whether it’s<br />

strength, HIIT, or yoga – none of it<br />

requires any equipment. The third<br />

section is heart.<br />

You often speak about loneliness<br />

and its effect on our physical<br />

health. How are they connected?<br />

Research suggests that the feeling<br />

of being lonely is as harmful as<br />

smoking 15 cigarettes a day… Just<br />

think about that for a moment.<br />

That is a staggering statistic. So,<br />

why could that be?<br />

Well, our stress response<br />

evolved a couple of million years<br />

ago. Two million years ago, we<br />

would have been in tightly knit,<br />

hunter-gatherer tribes that were<br />

communities, which kept us safe.<br />

If you don’t have your tribe around<br />

you, you might be attacked by a<br />

lion, by a predator. So, your very<br />

clever body prepares you for that.<br />

It ramps up your stress response.<br />

It ramps up your immune system.<br />

It makes your body inflamed.<br />

Why? Because that means that if<br />

you do get attacked, you will have<br />

your best chance of survival.<br />

So, if we think about what’s going<br />

on, if we’re feeling lonely, if all<br />

32 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


we’re having is that electronic<br />

communication or interaction<br />

with other human beings, we’re<br />

missing out on that real human<br />

connection. Our body thinks that<br />

we’re vulnerable to attack, so it<br />

prepares us for our attack; we<br />

become inflamed, we become<br />

stressed, our immune system<br />

goes on high alert. This is what is<br />

happening for many of us in <strong>2020</strong>.<br />

Another study found 2.5 million<br />

men have no close friends, or<br />

believe they have none. Is that<br />

surprising?<br />

In a way. I’m very lucky that I’ve<br />

got a very tight group of friends.<br />

Now, I say I’m lucky, but none of<br />

them live near me. I don’t have<br />

It takes the<br />

pressure off that<br />

I know for the rest<br />

of the day, I’ve<br />

done something<br />

for myself<br />

any good friends who live near me.<br />

This appears to be a problem that<br />

affects men quite a lot. As I’ve got<br />

busier with work, marriage, kids, a<br />

mortgage, I don’t really find that I<br />

have time to make new friends.<br />

But maybe it’s not good enough<br />

anymore to say you’re too busy,<br />

you haven’t got time. There are<br />

things that I could do and I’m<br />

going to work on them. But<br />

I’m very lucky that I do have a<br />

very tight group of mates from<br />

university, who I meet up with<br />

two or three times a year for a<br />

weekend, and literally it nourishes<br />

me on a deep level.<br />

So, for someone who’s struggling,<br />

I’d say, well, what do you like? Do<br />

you like going to the gym? Maybe<br />

go to a class. Do you like reading?<br />

Maybe there’s a local book club.<br />

Find something nearby where<br />

people share similar interests, and<br />

that’s how you’re going to start<br />

creating these new friendships.<br />

From your perspective, how do<br />

you see the increase in mental<br />

health awareness playing out<br />

in your practice?<br />

Things are shifting in a really<br />

positive way, but we’re currently<br />

not where we need to be. We need<br />

to do much more because let’s<br />

not forget that actually, the male<br />

suicide rate in the age group of<br />

30 to 45 is really shocking, really<br />

worrying, and it seems to be<br />

climbing.<br />

The fact that more and more<br />

people are talking about this<br />

openly on social media, these<br />

things are really helping bring<br />

these topics into the public<br />

domain.<br />

I’m seeing patients coming in<br />

now, particularly men, who may<br />

not have had the courage to talk<br />

about their problems a few years<br />

ago, are now openly coming in and<br />

saying, “Hey, I heard this podcast,”<br />

or, “I saw this thing online and I<br />

thought that might be affecting<br />

me. I just want to talk to you about<br />

‘Feel Better in 5: Your Daily Plan<br />

to Feel Great for Life’ by Dr<br />

Rangan Chatterjee (Penguin<br />

Life, £16.99) is out now.<br />

it.” So, I think things are changing<br />

in a very positive way, because<br />

the first thing we have to do is be<br />

aware of the problem.<br />

What steps do you take to<br />

support your own wellbeing?<br />

As soon as I get up, before I do<br />

anything else, I’ll do five minutes<br />

of deep breathing or meditation.<br />

Just five minutes. Then, I do five<br />

minutes of movement. So, it’ll be<br />

one of the workouts in the book.<br />

Either a strength workout, or a<br />

yoga workout, or some stretches.<br />

Then, I do five minutes for my<br />

heart. I’ll write down things that<br />

I’m grateful for and the positive<br />

things in my life.<br />

It takes the pressure off that<br />

I know for the rest of the day,<br />

I’ve done something for myself.<br />

I prioritised myself, and I give<br />

myself that self-respect every<br />

morning, to do something for me.<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 33


How to<br />

take care<br />

of your<br />

financial<br />

wellbeing<br />

The link between money worries and mental health problems<br />

is clear, but fortunately there are some simple steps you can<br />

follow to keep your cash concerns under control<br />

Writing | Fiona Thomas<br />

A<br />

single bead of sweat drips down my<br />

clammy back, even though it’s the<br />

middle of winter. My face is flushed,<br />

and I feel lightheaded as my thumb<br />

rests on the fingerprint button of my phone.<br />

I log in and wait an agonising few seconds<br />

for the figure to appear on the screen. The<br />

number that will dictate the tone of my day,<br />

the amount of cash I have to my name. As the<br />

figure appears in black and white, I breathe a<br />

gentle sigh of relief. Phew. My bank balance<br />

isn’t (currently) in the danger zone, so I can<br />

afford to get some groceries on the way home<br />

this evening. >>><br />

34 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Social media<br />

creates a warped<br />

reality that<br />

pressures people<br />

into spending<br />

money on the<br />

wrong things<br />

This is a process I go through<br />

almost every day. Habitually<br />

checking and rechecking my bank<br />

balance to make sure that I can<br />

afford to buy the things I need in<br />

life. Food, bills, travel costs, and<br />

of course the little extras that<br />

privilege provides, like a new<br />

lipstick or a fancy bottle of gin.<br />

Worrying about cash flow is a<br />

horrible, sinking feeling. But it’s<br />

one that constantly bubbles away<br />

under the surface for many of us.<br />

Two-thirds of those aged between<br />

22 and 38 say that money worries<br />

keep them up at night, with debt,<br />

bills, and mortgage payments<br />

ranking highly on the list. Another<br />

survey found that one in four Brits<br />

admitted they would struggle if<br />

faced with a long period of unpaid<br />

sick leave, and 23% would not be<br />

able to cope with the expense of a<br />

broken boiler.<br />

The link between money and<br />

mental wellbeing is clear, and it’s<br />

one that we can work to strengthen<br />

in a positive way. Money coach<br />

and mentor Emma Maslin says:<br />

“At its heart, financial wellbeing is<br />

about acknowledging our emotions<br />

around money, feeling in control of<br />

our finances, being able to withstand<br />

financial unpredictability and<br />

unexpected expenses.”<br />

With a quarter of people in the<br />

UK believing that poor financial<br />

wellbeing is a significant cause<br />

of stress within their workplace,<br />

it’s clear that many of us need<br />

to address our relationship with<br />

money.<br />

ROOTED IN CHILDHOOD<br />

The emotions we feel towards<br />

money are closely linked to the<br />

beliefs that have been instilled<br />

in us from a young age. For<br />

example, if you were brought up<br />

being repeatedly told you that<br />

you shouldn’t talk about money,<br />

then you may exhibit avoidance<br />

behaviours as an adult. If you were<br />

taught to be vigilant with money,<br />

then you may find it difficult to<br />

spend money as an adult, even if<br />

you are financially stable.<br />

To make things worse, social<br />

media creates a warped reality<br />

that pressures people into<br />

spending money on the wrong<br />

things. A poll commissioned by<br />

BBC Radio 5 recently found that<br />

more than a third of 20 to 29-yearolds<br />

agreed that social media posts<br />

by influencers made them spend<br />

money they otherwise would not<br />

have wanted to spend.<br />

I spoke to psychotherapist and<br />

Counselling Directory member<br />

Paula Coles, who has observed<br />

young people distracting<br />

themselves with small purchases<br />

as a way to self-medicate. “People<br />

might compulsively shop, or try<br />

to buy ‘the appearance ideal’,”<br />

says Paula. “Others may find<br />

themselves prioritising things<br />

such as escapist holidays over<br />

establishing an everyday home life<br />

that they enjoy.” This inevitably<br />

impacts future wellbeing, with<br />

36 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


FINANCIAL WELLBEING<br />

IMPROVEMENT CHECKLIST<br />

• Every month, record your<br />

expenses and income, then<br />

reflect on how you can make<br />

small changes.<br />

• Tackle any high-interest debt<br />

by finding lower interest ways<br />

to pay. Visit stepchange.org<br />

for free debt advice.<br />

• Open a savings account, and<br />

put a little aside each month –<br />

and look to increase this<br />

over time.<br />

• Set up a direct debit, so<br />

that savings come out<br />

automatically.<br />

• Contribute as much as<br />

you can to your workplace<br />

pension.<br />

• Set short- and long-term<br />

financial goals.<br />

• To learn the basics on a wide<br />

range of topics, including<br />

benefits, Brexit, redundancy,<br />

and insurance, visit<br />

moneyadviceservice.org.uk<br />

16 million people in the UK<br />

having less than £100 in savings,<br />

according to a Money Advice<br />

Service survey.<br />

DAZED AND CONFUSED<br />

Alongside unnecessary spending,<br />

debt worries, and mental blocks,<br />

perhaps the most frustrating threat<br />

to our financial wellbeing is a lack<br />

Creating a savings<br />

pot can help you<br />

control your spending<br />

by encouraging you<br />

to work towards a<br />

specific goal<br />

of understanding. With terms such<br />

as ‘effective annual rate’, ‘loan-tovalue’<br />

and ‘compound interest’ it’s<br />

no wonder that 77% of UK adults<br />

are confused by financial jargon.<br />

Six million Brits have racked up<br />

late fees due to misunderstanding<br />

language, and others have seen<br />

a negative impact on their credit<br />

scores.<br />

This can lead to further<br />

difficulties, and general avoidance<br />

behaviour, because people don’t<br />

know how to make changes for the<br />

better. Paula says that education<br />

and awareness around financial<br />

matters can be hugely powerful<br />

for our wellbeing.<br />

“In psychotherapy, we talk about<br />

individuals flourishing when<br />

they have a positive internal<br />

locus of control, meaning that an<br />

individual feels they have personal<br />

power in their life and therefore<br />

they make positive choices,” she<br />

says. “By increasing awareness<br />

of complicated topics, such as<br />

pensions and taxes, a person<br />

might develop a stronger internal<br />

locus of control, be less avoidant,<br />

and more able to make informed<br />

choices about how to manage their<br />

finances.”<br />

So, here are some expert tips<br />

on how to improve your financial<br />

wellbeing…<br />

GET PRACTICAL<br />

“The best way I learned to manage<br />

my finances was to write down<br />

absolutely everything. I write down<br />

every penny I earn and spend. I use<br />

Google Docs to make spreadsheets<br />

to easily keep track of my income,<br />

outgoings, spending, and savings.<br />

You can also find plenty of free<br />

printable templates online. Writing<br />

everything down has made a huge<br />

difference to my spending habits<br />

and my financial wellbeing. I don’t<br />

tend to overspend so much and I<br />

have managed to keep my savings<br />

goals.” – Claire Roach, money<br />

saving blogger at Daily Deals UK.<br />

PLAN<br />

“Look at the long-term as well as<br />

the short-term – try to look ahead<br />

with your finances. Where do you<br />

want to be in five to 10 years? Are<br />

you thinking about your future<br />

with a pension, or spending on<br />

unnecessary things that are only<br />

bringing you temporary joy rather<br />

than long-term stability?” – Chloe<br />

Rowlands from TIC Finance.<br />

SET A GOAL<br />

“Creating a savings pot can help<br />

you control your spending by<br />

encouraging you to work towards<br />

a specific goal; this could be<br />

anything from a house deposit,<br />

to a holiday. By putting away<br />

a dedicated amount of money<br />

every month, you’ll become more<br />

mindful with your purchases,<br />

knowing that this self-control will<br />

be rewarded.” – John Ellmore from<br />

knowyourmoney.co.uk<br />

Fiona Thomas is a freelance writer<br />

and author, whose book, ‘Depression<br />

in a Digital Age’, is out now. Visit<br />

fionalikestoblog.com for more.<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 37


Photography | Anna Baker<br />

“<br />

Growth begins when we start<br />

to accept our own weakness<br />

– JEAN VANIER


TRUE LIFE<br />

I tore up the<br />

script of my life<br />

On the surface Kerry was living the dream, yet<br />

underneath she was empty, sad, and desperate.<br />

Personal setbacks threatened to be the final<br />

straw – but instead they gave her just the jolt<br />

she needed to change everything<br />

Writing | Kerry Lyons<br />

I’m Kerry Lyons.<br />

The creator of<br />

The Imperfect<br />

Life website and<br />

planner. And<br />

I live with depression,<br />

with pride.<br />

You see, day-to-day, my<br />

time is now filled with<br />

coaching women through<br />

the adventure of turning<br />

their daydreams into their<br />

day jobs; helping them<br />

create the businesses<br />

they were made for, and<br />

designing products that<br />

support them on their<br />

journeys. I can say, handon-heart,<br />

that I love what<br />

I do. But man, it wasn’t<br />

always this way.<br />

Let me take you back to<br />

2006. Justin Timberlake<br />

was bringing ‘SexyBack’.<br />

Gnarls Barkley was ‘Crazy’.<br />

And I didn’t have a clue<br />

whose life I was living.<br />

I was 25, and ripe for<br />

what I’d later learn was a<br />

quarter-life crisis.<br />

I’d always been a hyper,<br />

happy-go-lucky girl, and<br />

my life until that point had<br />

been filled by an almost<br />

manic pursuit to achieve<br />

big fat checks through the<br />

societal tick-boxes of life.<br />

Long-term relationship?<br />

Tick. High grade GCSEs,<br />

A-levels and degree? Tick.<br />

Dream career as a graphic<br />

designer straight out of<br />

uni? Tick. Owning my<br />

dream car three months<br />

into my first proper job?<br />

Tick. Owning my dream<br />

home? Tick. Regular, sunsoaked<br />

holidays? Tick.<br />

So why did I feel the most<br />

empty, the most sad, and<br />

the most confused that I’d<br />

ever felt?<br />

Well, I’d people-pleased<br />

myself into oblivion. On<br />

reflection, I can see now<br />

that I’d been a sponge;<br />

absorbing and responding<br />

to outer expectations, and<br />

finding myself in a life<br />

that society informed me<br />

I should have, without<br />

stopping for a minute to<br />

listen to what I actually<br />

wanted.<br />

But that wasn’t even the<br />

toughest bit. You see, I<br />

felt all this. I was aware<br />

of all this. But I wasn’t<br />

ready to face any of it. The<br />

truth hurt. And the idea<br />

of changing, outwardly<br />

‘failing’ or disappointing<br />

people, was so unbelievably<br />

crippling that it kept me<br />

exactly where I was.<br />

For two whole years.<br />

I remember my decisionmaking<br />

process at the time<br />

was to just ‘pretend I was<br />

fine’. If I just ignored this<br />

pull, this sadness, this<br />

emptiness, if I just painted<br />

on a smile and tried to<br />

be like everybody else, it<br />

would eventually – poof –<br />

go away.<br />

But, of course, it didn’t<br />

go away. In fact, it got<br />

way, way worse. Because,<br />

as it turns out, when you<br />

overrule and ignore your<br />

feelings, intuition, and<br />

instincts, your mind, body,<br />

and even the universe, will<br />

gather forces to find a way<br />

to get you to listen up. And<br />

boy, did they.<br />

Towards the close of<br />

2007, I sank into the<br />

darkest depression of<br />

my life. I could barely<br />

get myself out of bed.<br />

Washing and drying<br />

my hair physically hurt >>><br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 39


every single follicle on<br />

my head. Getting dressed<br />

was a mammoth task. My<br />

favourite foods tasted of<br />

nothing, and everything I<br />

used to love doing just felt<br />

hollow. It was like I’d lost<br />

the ability to feel anything<br />

but pain. And worst of all,<br />

I felt like such a burden<br />

to those closest to me<br />

because I couldn’t explain<br />

what I was experiencing.<br />

The bleakest moment<br />

came when I was<br />

attempting to dry my hair<br />

Kerry in her element, coaching<br />

daydreamers to be action-takers<br />

Slowly, with each big<br />

decision I made, for myself,<br />

my life-cloak of solid-black<br />

darkness began to get shafts<br />

of light punching through<br />

one evening. I already felt<br />

defeated knowing I had<br />

to somehow get myself<br />

up and out to work in<br />

the morning, with tears<br />

streaming down my face<br />

as they so regularly did.<br />

And a voice inside me<br />

poked: ‘What are you<br />

doing Kerry? This isn’t<br />

living. Why are you even<br />

here?’ And my response<br />

to that was absolute<br />

agreement; there wasn’t<br />

any point in living the<br />

way I was. Things would<br />

be better for everyone if I<br />

wasn’t here.<br />

The thought of this being<br />

‘the end’ shocked me. And<br />

as horrific a headspace<br />

as that was to be in, I’m<br />

genuinely grateful that<br />

things got that dark.<br />

Because this is what<br />

brought the fighter out<br />

in me; my inner coach,<br />

who had been there all<br />

along, rooting for me.<br />

This is what jolted me into<br />

fighting for my life.<br />

And that’s when things<br />

started changing, slowly<br />

and painfully, but<br />

changing all the same.<br />

I realised that I couldn’t<br />

get better by myself<br />

anymore, so I finally<br />

started working with a<br />

psychotherapist who<br />

helped me pull out and<br />

work through so much<br />

‘life gumpf’ that I’d<br />

unknowingly buried.<br />

But as helpful and<br />

groundbreaking as that<br />

was, I was still filled with<br />

so much resistance to<br />

change.<br />

So, as ever, the universe<br />

swooped in and got me<br />

to pay attention in the<br />

most heartbreaking of<br />

ways. I lost my pet after 14<br />

gorgeous years together,<br />

my dad got unexpectedly<br />

40 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Photography | Amy-Rose Photography<br />

sick and was rushed to<br />

hospital, my nan passed<br />

away, and I lost one of my<br />

closest friends to breast<br />

cancer at just 26 – all<br />

within the space of a few<br />

months.<br />

The trauma and acute<br />

awareness of my mortality<br />

jolted me into action like<br />

nothing before. Within<br />

weeks, I handed in my<br />

notice at my ‘dream’ job.<br />

I’d sold my ‘dream’ home.<br />

I’d ended my 12-year<br />

relationship. And I’d<br />

moved into my dad’s spare<br />

bedroom shortly before<br />

running away to the west<br />

coast of America and<br />

emigrating to Dublin soon<br />

afterwards!<br />

It was life-changing<br />

action. I tore up the script<br />

of my life. And slowly,<br />

with each big decision<br />

I made, for myself, my<br />

life-cloak of solid-black<br />

darkness began to get<br />

shafts of light punching<br />

through.<br />

Fast-forward 13-plus<br />

years and I’m out the<br />

other side, living the<br />

most insanely imperfectbut-gorgeous<br />

life with<br />

my husband David,<br />

and our daughter Lola,<br />

while building the most<br />

fulfilling business I ever<br />

could have dreamed of.<br />

I’ve spoken at big events,<br />

I’ve launched an online<br />

training academy, and I’ve<br />

single-handedly raised<br />

more than £21,000 on<br />

Kickstarter to bring the<br />

flagship edition of The<br />

Imperfect Life Planner<br />

to life.<br />

And this is why I live<br />

with depression with<br />

pride; not only because<br />

it was the catalyst that<br />

helped me step into the<br />

life I now have, but also<br />

because it continues<br />

to challenge me, help<br />

me grow, and help me<br />

deeply connect with my<br />

clients. I’m by no means<br />

‘fixed’, and life is far from<br />

perfect. But I now know I<br />

don’t want perfect. I just<br />

want a life that’s mine.<br />

If you’re reading<br />

this, feeling that you<br />

can relate and you’re<br />

wondering how you can<br />

begin to create change,<br />

too, please listen to<br />

yourself. Learning and<br />

seeking what you want<br />

and need is not selfish,<br />

nor is it self-serving. It’s<br />

self-love. And there’s no<br />

better gift you can give<br />

to those who care about<br />

you than a you that loves<br />

herself, and the life that<br />

she’s in.<br />

Kerry is running another<br />

crowdfunding campaign<br />

in early <strong>2020</strong> for the third<br />

edition of ‘The Imperfect<br />

Life Planner’, with<br />

some incredible rewards<br />

available for her loyal<br />

backers. Connect with<br />

Kerry on Instagram<br />

@kerrylyonsco, and visit<br />

theimperfectlife.co<br />

I’m by no means ‘fixed’, and<br />

life is far from perfect. But I<br />

now know I don’t want perfect.<br />

I just want a life that’s mine<br />

Who Kerry does it all for: her husband, David, and daughter, Lola<br />

OUR EXPERT SAYS<br />

Kerry’s story shows us that<br />

true happiness doesn’t<br />

come from the way<br />

others perceive us – or<br />

even the way we think<br />

others perceive us – it’s<br />

what is going on inside<br />

that really matters. We<br />

can have all the things<br />

we are ‘supposed’ to have<br />

on the ‘checklist of life’,<br />

but if there’s that nagging<br />

feeling that things aren’t<br />

right, we can’t brush those<br />

feelings aside and hope<br />

they go away – we need to<br />

step up and do something<br />

about it.<br />

Kerry sought professional<br />

help and that began her<br />

journey to finding a way<br />

out, and discovering who<br />

she really was inside. As<br />

Kerry says, if this message<br />

resonates with<br />

you, it could be<br />

time to create<br />

some positive<br />

changes for<br />

yourself, too!<br />

Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr<br />

Life coach<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 41


HAPPIFUL TOP 10<br />

<strong>February</strong><br />

Make the month of romance about loving yourself, every day. Create an outside space<br />

you can enjoy, find the courage to open up about mental health by listening to others,<br />

and check-in with yourself on the app that helps you to take five<br />

1PAGE-TURNERS<br />

RHS Your Wellbeing Garden:<br />

How to Make Your Garden<br />

Good for You – Science, Design,<br />

Practice<br />

Are you curious about how the<br />

great outdoors can enhance<br />

your wellbeing? RHS Your<br />

Wellbeing Garden explores the<br />

secrets of design, plants, and<br />

gardening itself, to help you<br />

get the most out of your green<br />

space.<br />

(Out 6 <strong>February</strong>, DK, £16.99)<br />

OUT AND ABOUT<br />

Nottingham Festival of Science<br />

and Curiosity<br />

3<br />

PUT ON A SHOW<br />

4<br />

The National Wedding<br />

Show, London<br />

Are you planning the wedding<br />

of your dreams? Start your<br />

day with a glass of bubbly<br />

before you walk around with<br />

your wedding party to find<br />

everything you need for your<br />

special day. The show will also<br />

be held in Birmingham and<br />

Manchester in March,<br />

so don’t worry if you have<br />

other engagements.<br />

(15–16 <strong>February</strong>. Visit<br />

nationalweddingshow.co.uk<br />

to find out more)<br />

2<br />

A week-long festival that takes<br />

science out of the lab and into<br />

our everyday lives. This festival is a celebration of knowledge and<br />

curiosity, giving visitors a chance to ask questions as well as share<br />

what they know. Interactive, fun and free events will take place across<br />

Nottingham, with opportunities for people of all ages to get involved.<br />

(12–19 <strong>February</strong>, for more information head to nottsfosac.co.uk)<br />

PLUGGED-IN<br />

Norbert the dog<br />

Meet Norbert, the<br />

very small therapy<br />

dog with a very<br />

big heart. A quick<br />

glance at Norbert’s Instagram<br />

profile is enough to put a smile on<br />

anyone’s face, but our furry friend is<br />

also a registered therapy dog who<br />

volunteers at Children’s Hospital<br />

Los Angeles.<br />

(Follow<br />

@norbertthedog<br />

on Instagram)<br />

5<br />

TECH TIP-OFFS<br />

Stop, Breathe & Think<br />

How often do you take the<br />

time to check in on yourself?<br />

Stop, Breathe & Think helps<br />

you to do just that. Pause<br />

for 10 seconds of breathing<br />

before selecting how you’re<br />

feeling, on a scale of great<br />

to rough. You can also add<br />

in your emotions, and receive<br />

recommended breathing<br />

and meditation exercises based<br />

on how you’re feeling.<br />

(Download from the App Store<br />

and Google Play, find out more at<br />

stopbreathethink.com)


Images | Dolittle: Universal Pictures, Nottingham Festival: nottsfosac.co.uk, Nortbert the dog: Intagram @norbertthedog<br />

6 9<br />

LEND US YOUR EARS<br />

‘Open Mind with Frankie<br />

Bridge’<br />

In her ‘Open Mind’<br />

podcast, Frankie Bridge talks about<br />

the mental health challenges she<br />

has faced, and invites guests such<br />

as Giovanna Fletcher and Andrea<br />

McLean to share their experiences.<br />

Frankie’s new book Open is also out<br />

in <strong>February</strong>, where she shares her<br />

journey with mental health.<br />

(Listen to the podcast on iTunes<br />

and Spotify)<br />

7<br />

SQUARE EYES<br />

A reboot of the family<br />

favourite Doctor Dolittle will be<br />

coming to our screens in <strong>February</strong>!<br />

Featuring a star-studded cast,<br />

including Robert Downey Jr, Tom<br />

Holland, and Emma Thompson,<br />

the animal antics are set to have<br />

you smiling from ear to ear.<br />

Dolittle<br />

(In cinemas 7 <strong>February</strong>)<br />

THE CONVERSATION<br />

Time to Talk Day<br />

We can all help to change the way people think<br />

and act about mental health problems. Time<br />

to Talk Day encourages everyone to be more open about<br />

mental health, and this year it’s using the game ‘Would<br />

You Rather?’ to help<br />

break the ice and<br />

get the conversation<br />

flowing.<br />

(6 <strong>February</strong>, get<br />

involved at time-tochange.org.uk)<br />

8There’s nothing like a batch of warm home-made cookies…<br />

or so we thought! Doughlicious ready-to-bake cookie dough<br />

comes in a range of flavours, from classic chocolate chip to tasty<br />

peanut butter, along with vegan and gluten-free options. Enjoy the<br />

taste of freshly baked cookies without making a mess in the kitchen.<br />

TREAT YOURSELF<br />

Doughlicious<br />

(£3.99, visit doughlicious.co.uk for more)<br />

9<br />

10<br />

GET GOING<br />

Run Your Paws Off – Love Your Dog<br />

Run Your Paws Off are champions of<br />

‘canicross’ – it’s all about being outside<br />

and enjoying running with your dog.<br />

Their ‘Love Your Dog’ event includes a<br />

5K or 10K off-road course, so whether<br />

you’re a keen runner, or looking for a<br />

new way for you and your pet to get<br />

fit, this is pawfect for you!<br />

(16 <strong>February</strong>, find out more at<br />

runyourpawsoff.com)<br />

WIN!<br />

For your chance to win a selection of cookie dough from Doughlicious,<br />

simply send us a message (competitions@happiful.com) with your<br />

answer to the following question:<br />

What year were chocolate chip cookies invented?<br />

a)1938 b)1952 c)1966<br />

UK mainland only. Competition closes on 20 <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>, good luck!


How to rekindle your creativity<br />

and get into creative writing<br />

We’ve all heard about the benefits of writing for pleasure, or as a<br />

therapeutic practice, yet getting started can feel daunting. We share five<br />

ways you can get into creative writing right now<br />

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford<br />

It’s an old adage, yet it’s one that<br />

many of us secretly harbour:<br />

we’ve all got a book inside of<br />

us. “If only I had more time.”<br />

“Work’s too stressful to think about<br />

starting a personal project.” “I’m<br />

just waiting for inspiration to<br />

strike.” Before you know it, weeks,<br />

months, years have passed, all with<br />

nothing to show but that untapped<br />

feeling of “I could be creating<br />

something, if only…”<br />

Whether you’re new to creative<br />

writing, or have just fallen out<br />

of practice, we share five simple<br />

tips to help spark your creativity,<br />

prioritise your passions, and<br />

start writing.<br />

1 EMBRACE COMMUNITY<br />

Writing communities are among<br />

some of the most welcoming and<br />

passionate places – you can make<br />

new friends, gain advice and<br />

guidance. Local writing groups<br />

often offer weekly, bi-weekly, or<br />

monthly sessions where you can<br />

write together, share your work,<br />

gain feedback, and even discover<br />

competitions worth entering.<br />

Some may even offer writing<br />

retreats or regular write-a-thons,<br />

where everyone can get together<br />

and write with no distractions – just<br />

a supportive environment filled with<br />

encouragement.<br />

If you don’t have a group near you,<br />

or your confidence is holding you<br />

back, there are plenty of online<br />

communities for writers of all<br />

genres, styles, and experience levels.<br />

Facebook has many writing groups<br />

(both private and public), as do sites<br />

such as Tumblr and Reddit. Signing<br />

up is free and easy. There’s no need<br />

to feel pressured to share your work<br />

before you’re ready, but you can<br />

still pick up great tips from reading<br />

others’ creative works-in-progress.<br />

2 TAKE UP A 30-DAY CHALLENGE<br />

You may not have heard of it, but<br />

each year thousands of writers<br />

around the world take on the<br />

National Novel Writing Month<br />

(NaNoWriMo) challenge. Based<br />

around the idea of writing 50,000<br />

words in just 30 days, the goal is to<br />

focus on getting a first draft done<br />

without getting caught up in editing,<br />

polishing, and restarting the bits that<br />

aren’t quite there yet, or that you’re<br />

struggling with.<br />

While the official NaNoWriMo<br />

takes place every November, many<br />

online writing groups and websites<br />

offer 30-day prompts to help<br />

get you started. A great way of<br />

challenging you to write outside<br />

of your comfort zone, a prompt<br />

may include writing in a different<br />

genre, including a set theme, item,<br />

or setting. Books such as The Five-<br />

Minute Writer or The Write Stuff are<br />

filled with prompts, exercises, and<br />

inspirations to get you writing now,<br />

rather than waiting for that elusive<br />

‘perfect idea’.<br />

3 REDISCOVER YOUR<br />

LOVE OF READING<br />

If you’re ever stuck for inspiration,<br />

going back and reading your<br />

favourite book can help you<br />

remember why you love writing.<br />

‘You can’t be a good writer without<br />

being a reader’ is something drilled<br />

into writing students throughout<br />

their time at uni, and it really holds<br />

true. How can you know what’s<br />

already been overdone within<br />

your preferred genre, if you don’t<br />

read? How can you keep pushing<br />

yourself to do your best, if you<br />

don’t have benchmarks to aim for?<br />

Reading can be an important part<br />

of the process – just make sure<br />

you don’t allow it to consume all of<br />

your precious time for creativity.<br />

44 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


‘If your confidence is holding you<br />

back, try online writing communities’<br />

Try online book recommendation<br />

sites like GoodReads to find<br />

out what’s popular within your<br />

genre, or to discover entirely new<br />

subgenres of fiction you didn’t<br />

know were out there.<br />

4 CREATE A SCHEDULE<br />

Neil Gaiman once said: “To be a<br />

good writer… read a lot and write<br />

every day.” An ethos shared by<br />

many successful writers, the idea<br />

is that writing every day creates<br />

a positive habit that can help<br />

avoid common excuses that hold<br />

us back. Writer’s block may feel<br />

very real for us, but by creating<br />

writing habits that work with<br />

your schedule – even if that’s just<br />

sitting down for 15 minutes with<br />

your morning coffee and a blank<br />

notebook – you can train yourself<br />

to push through the parts of the<br />

creative process that you struggle<br />

with. With time and practice, you<br />

will start to find it easier to write.<br />

5 LET GO OF PERFECTION<br />

We’d all like to think that we could<br />

be the next JK Rowling or Stephen<br />

King, but the truth is, almost<br />

no authors get it right the first<br />

time. A first draft is meant to be<br />

just that – a draft. When we get<br />

overwhelmed with our need to<br />

create something that is perfect,<br />

we allow our worries and fears<br />

to rule. Soon the creative process<br />

can slow or even grind to a halt.<br />

Instead of aiming for perfection,<br />

challenge yourself to just get<br />

something done. It could be a<br />

set chapter or number of words,<br />

or even just a paragraph. Set<br />

yourself a goal, and start writing<br />

without re-reading or editing as<br />

you go. You may be surprised at<br />

just how freeing it can feel.<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 45


“<br />

Who looks outside, dreams;<br />

who looks inside, awakes<br />

– CARL JUNG<br />

Photography | Gerardo Rojas<br />

46 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


In it to<br />

QUIT it<br />

A smoking addiction can easily take over your life. But it doesn’t have to be<br />

that way. We speak with clinical hypnotherapy expert Andrew Major to get<br />

some tips for stubbing out this bad habit, for good<br />

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler<br />

According to the pressures,” Andrew explains.<br />

Office for National “So, making the decision to stop<br />

Statistics, 58.4% of smoking for good can seem like a<br />

people who smoke daunting task, as it involves letting<br />

cigarettes say that go of a crutch that smokers may<br />

they want to quit. believe helps them cope.”<br />

And yet 7.2 million people in the It’s true that smoking, on the<br />

UK are still smoking.<br />

surface, can feel like it’s benefiting<br />

So what’s the hold-up?<br />

our mental health – calming<br />

When it comes to addiction, the anxious minds and relaxing our<br />

answer is never straightforward. A bodies. Despite this, Andrew<br />

plethora of reasons, from genetics points to studies which suggest<br />

to the environment we live in, can that smoking can actually lead to<br />

affect the ways that we respond poor mental health in the long<br />

to stimulants, meaning that the term, as the cigarettes temporarily<br />

journey to giving up the habit increase the feel-good hormone<br />

can vary hugely from person to dopamine, encouraging the brain<br />

person.<br />

to switch off its own dopamine<br />

But, as Andrew Major – a clinical production.<br />

hypnotherapist – points out,<br />

“A lot of my clients say that they<br />

making the decision to quit in the smoke to help them deal with<br />

first place can be a big challenge stressful situations,” says Andrew.<br />

in itself.<br />

“But in fact, turning to chemical<br />

“Many people believe that<br />

substitutes to relieve stress when<br />

smoking helps them relax, relieves you’re having a bad day actually<br />

stress, and gives them time out increases the risks of depression<br />

away from daily work or family and anxiety, because smoking >>><br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 47


CONTROL CRAVINGS<br />

According to the NHS, on<br />

average cravings last five<br />

minutes. If a craving hits,<br />

try one of these five-minute<br />

activities:<br />

• Go for a walk around<br />

the block<br />

• Play a mobile game<br />

• Tidy up your space<br />

• Listen to music<br />

• Do a quick workout<br />

• Make a round of tea or<br />

coffee<br />

• Suck on a hard sweet<br />

• Do a puzzle<br />

• Prepare some food<br />

• Read a book<br />

affects the hypothalamic-pituitaryadrenal<br />

axis (the system that<br />

controls our response to stress).<br />

This leads to the production of<br />

an overload of hormones like<br />

cortisol, which affects the way<br />

we regulate reactions to difficult<br />

situations and experiences.”<br />

Of course, as well as the mental<br />

health side-effects, smoking comes<br />

with serious physical health risks.<br />

According to the NHS, smoking is<br />

the cause of 70% of lung cancers,<br />

and can also cause cancer in other<br />

parts of the body including the<br />

mouth, throat, liver, stomach, and<br />

bowel. In addition, smoking can<br />

lead to heart and lung disease, and<br />

reduce fertility in both men and<br />

women.<br />

So, when you’re ready to stop<br />

smoking, what are the options? For<br />

some, switching to alternatives,<br />

It isn’t magic,<br />

but it does help you<br />

to use your mind in<br />

a fundamentally<br />

different way<br />

such as nicotine patches and gum<br />

can be a good way to gently move<br />

away from cigarettes. For others,<br />

going ‘cold turkey’ and cutting<br />

them out immediately, spending<br />

more time with non-smokers, or<br />

attending support groups, can help.<br />

In Andrew’s practice, he uses<br />

solution-focused hypnotherapy<br />

and neuro-linguistic programming<br />

(NLP) techniques to help his<br />

clients fundamentally understand<br />

why the addiction has formed, and<br />

ultimately kick the habit for good.<br />

“In a single two-hour session,<br />

we begin by talking to you about<br />

why and how you smoke,” Andrew<br />

explains. “Critically, we also talk<br />

about how the mind works in<br />

relation to smoking. This helps<br />

you develop a different mindset<br />

in relation to smoking, such as an<br />

understanding of how the internal<br />

conflict develops in your mind,<br />

so you can overcome the fear of<br />

stopping.”<br />

Another important part of the<br />

process, Andrew says, is reflecting<br />

on the impact that smoking is<br />

having on you. Are you having to<br />

keep to a tight budget to pay for<br />

cigarettes? Do you suffer from<br />

nasty colds in the winter? Are you<br />

losing out on time spent with your<br />

friends and family?<br />

A key ingredient for hypnotherapy<br />

is a positive, willing mindset.<br />

And so for Andrew, ensuring that<br />

clients are committed to the idea of<br />

quitting is essential.<br />

“We then consolidate the<br />

discussion with the use of<br />

hypnosis to reprogram your<br />

subconscious mind, remove any<br />

conflict and fears that have held<br />

you back,” Andrew continues. “It<br />

isn’t magic, but it does help you to<br />

use your mind in a fundamentally<br />

different way, taking away your<br />

desire to smoke so you will no<br />

longer see smoking as something<br />

48 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Making the<br />

decision to stop<br />

smoking for good can<br />

seem like a daunting<br />

task, as it involves<br />

letting go of a crutch<br />

THREE TIPS TO TRY<br />

FROM DAY ONE<br />

Andrew says:<br />

• Understand how smoking<br />

affects your overall health<br />

Take the time to research the<br />

damage smoking causes,<br />

to boost your inner strength<br />

and determination.<br />

• Visualise the benefits<br />

How will your life be better<br />

once you have quit? Write<br />

down a list.<br />

• Practise positivity<br />

When we make a conscious<br />

effort to recognise the<br />

positive things in life, we<br />

build new, helpful thought<br />

patterns which help us move<br />

forward with a more positive<br />

mindset.<br />

you like – you will see it for the<br />

danger it really is.”<br />

Brighter things are on the<br />

horizon. Within just 20 minutes<br />

of quitting smoking, your heart<br />

rate and blood pressure drop<br />

back to normal. After 12 weeks,<br />

circulation and lung function<br />

increases. A year in, the risk of<br />

coronary heart disease drops by<br />

50%, 15 years down the line and it<br />

returns to that of a non-smoker.<br />

Breaking any kind of addiction is<br />

never an easy feat. And yet, with<br />

good support, and with the right<br />

goals in mind, you can take back<br />

control and kick the habit for good.<br />

Andrew Major is a solutionfocused<br />

clinical hypnotherapist<br />

who combines psychotherapy and<br />

clinical hypnotherapy techniques,<br />

based on the latest research from<br />

neuroscience. Find out more at<br />

andrewmajorhypnotherapy.co.uk<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 49


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HAPPILOVE<br />

AT THE CHECKOUT<br />

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using code HAPPILOVE at shop.happiful.com<br />

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50 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> HAPPILOVE, <strong>2020</strong> which expires on 19 March <strong>2020</strong>. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com


LET’S GET<br />

PHYSICAL<br />

We all know that our mental health can be impacted by<br />

physical illness, but have you ever thought about how that<br />

connection goes both ways?<br />

Writing | Katie Conibear<br />

A<br />

few years ago, I was notice a pattern, and that these poor mental health on physical<br />

ill with a bout of<br />

inner ear infections were somehow illnesses costs the NHS at least £8<br />

depression. I felt linked to my mental ill-health... billion a year.<br />

incredibly low, was<br />

But the best way to understand<br />

hardly sleeping, and HOW DOES MENTAL HEALTH the connection is on a personal<br />

felt a crushing lack of self-worth.<br />

I remember being at work when<br />

all of a sudden I felt incredibly<br />

dizzy and shaky. I was suffering<br />

with intense migraines and felt<br />

exhausted.<br />

My doctor diagnosed me<br />

with labyrinthitis, an inner ear<br />

infection, and I was signed off sick<br />

for three weeks. The only thing<br />

that made me feel remotely better<br />

was to lie in bed in the dark. I<br />

spent days in bed, unable to look<br />

at screens, or eat properly. All I<br />

could do was sleep.<br />

This kept happening to me.<br />

Every few months I would develop<br />

another ear infection.<br />

I live with bipolar disorder and<br />

have mania, which fills me with<br />

energy. I’m often ‘on the go’ for<br />

months on end, then when this<br />

feeling goes away, I crash and<br />

become depressed. I began to<br />

AFFECT US PHYSICALLY?<br />

Have you ever really thought about<br />

all the various physical symptoms<br />

we get with mental illness? Your<br />

stomach twisting in knots when<br />

anxious, migraines when stressed,<br />

insomnia, a racing heart, catching<br />

more colds and the flu… The list<br />

goes on and on.<br />

While the impact of physical<br />

illnesses on our mental health<br />

is more understood, the way<br />

our mental health can impact us<br />

physically seems less discussed –<br />

and yet research suggests they are<br />

intrinsically linked.<br />

On a societal scale, understanding<br />

this connection is important, as<br />

when mental health problems<br />

exacerbate physical illness, they<br />

can affect outcomes and the cost<br />

of treatment. In fact, The King’s<br />

Fund and Centre for Mental<br />

Health estimates that the effect of<br />

level. Take Liz, who lives with<br />

borderline personality disorder,<br />

mixed anxiety and depressive<br />

disorder. She believes her mental<br />

ill-health led her to develop<br />

irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).<br />

“It plays up when I go into crisis,”<br />

Liz says. “When my mental health<br />

is suffering, I also tend to get an<br />

extreme illness – or at least that’s<br />

how it feels. I generally feel aches<br />

and pains throughout my body.”<br />

Olivia, who has bipolar disorder,<br />

noticed an impact of her condition<br />

on her physical self as well.<br />

“When I experience depression, I<br />

feel it in my bones. I feel unstable<br />

when walking. My entire body<br />

feels cold and detached. When I<br />

experience hypomania, my heart<br />

races, my head spins. When I<br />

experience anxiety, my stomach<br />

literally knots, and it triggers IBS<br />

episodes. >>><br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 51


to be associated with an increased<br />

risk of coronary heart disease.<br />

Hayden, who lives with anxiety<br />

and panic attacks, recalls being<br />

taken to hospital with chest pains.<br />

“It’s happened to me a fair few<br />

times. I now suffer with sleep<br />

anxiety, where I’m awake for three<br />

days straight at times, because<br />

I’m terrified to sleep in case<br />

something happens.”<br />

This lack of rest caused by her<br />

anxiety, as you can imagine, is<br />

affecting her physical health.<br />

“The only way I can explain it is<br />

the way some people have fear of<br />

food, I have a fear of sleep – which<br />

can mess up blood pressure and<br />

general health. Now I’m finding<br />

my hair is falling out, even walking<br />

can be difficult.”<br />

When I experience depression, I<br />

feel it in my bones. I feel unstable<br />

when walking. My entire body<br />

feels cold and detached. When I<br />

experience hypomania, my heart<br />

races, my head spins<br />

“Because of my psychosis, I take<br />

anti-psychotics that are known<br />

to cause weight gain and heart<br />

conditions. I’m constantly tested<br />

through ECG, blood tests, scans…<br />

It’s a difficult balance to maintain,”<br />

Olivia adds. “Mental illness has not<br />

just affected me psychologically,<br />

but I live with several physical<br />

health issues. It’s like your whole<br />

body is either completely shutting<br />

down or revved up.”<br />

WHAT’S THE EVIDENCE?<br />

While even short-term anxiety can<br />

show physical symptoms, such as<br />

headaches, increased heart rate,<br />

and difficulty breathing, it’s the<br />

long-term mental illnesses and<br />

their impact on our overall health<br />

that are the greatest concern.<br />

A study from the British<br />

Medical Journal reports that poor<br />

mental health can actually lead<br />

to an increased risk of some<br />

conditions. In a study examining<br />

mortality rates in cancer patients,<br />

researchers reported that people<br />

with the highest levels of self-rated<br />

distress (compared to lowest rates)<br />

were 32% more likely to have died.<br />

Depression has also been found<br />

Dr Natasha Bijlani, consultant<br />

psychiatrist at the Priory<br />

Hospital Roehampton, explains<br />

that optimal health involves<br />

maintaining a reasonable balance<br />

of many factors.<br />

“Mental and physical health are<br />

inextricably linked. When people<br />

become mentally unwell, they are<br />

also likely to experience various<br />

physical symptoms. Those with<br />

poor mental health are less likely<br />

to receive the physical health<br />

care they’re entitled to, partly<br />

because they are less likely to<br />

seek treatment for these issues,<br />

52 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Top tips to support your mental<br />

and physical health:<br />

• Consistency is key, so try to<br />

develop and stick to routines<br />

that support your health,<br />

such as a set bedtime, eating<br />

healthily, and exercising<br />

regularly.<br />

• Keep a diary or record of your<br />

emotional state, alongside<br />

sickness. If you notice a pattern,<br />

you can start to think about<br />

how to address the issue.<br />

• Take time out to recharge when<br />

you spot early symptoms – the<br />

sooner you address things the<br />

better in the long-run.<br />

• Ask for help when you need it –<br />

whether from friends, family, or<br />

your workplace.<br />

but also because professionals<br />

tend to focus on alleviating their<br />

emotional distress, rather than<br />

screening for or treating physical<br />

symptoms that might also be<br />

present.”<br />

SO WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?<br />

Knowing we often feel run down<br />

when our mental health is not in<br />

a good place, it’s important to look<br />

after our overall health. Having<br />

a sleep routine, eating healthily,<br />

taking regular exercise, and any<br />

prescribed medications will<br />

benefit general health.<br />

“Lifestyle factors are known to<br />

play a strong role in maintaining<br />

all-round health,” Dr Bijlani<br />

explains. “Those who become<br />

mentally unwell can sometimes<br />

either neglect such factors, or<br />

their symptoms prevent them<br />

from maintaining healthy habits.<br />

These can include disturbances<br />

in sleep and appetite, which can<br />

affect their energy levels and<br />

performance, as well as nutritional<br />

status. Oversleeping, or inability<br />

to get enough sleep, affects<br />

bodily functions, including blood<br />

pressure, risk of stroke, heart<br />

attacks, diabetes, forgetfulness,<br />

impaired judgement, and can lead<br />

to increased risk of accidents.”<br />

With mental illnesses, it’s<br />

important to understand why we<br />

become unwell in the first place.<br />

Looking out for warning signs, the<br />

early symptoms and triggers of<br />

mental illnesses, help us to seek<br />

help and make lifestyle changes.<br />

We can ask for support, or confide<br />

in friends and family how we’re<br />

feeling. The more we educate<br />

ourselves about mental health, the<br />

more we can look after our health<br />

overall.<br />

Katie Conibear is a freelance writer,<br />

focusing on mental health. She blogs<br />

at stumblingmind.com and has a<br />

podcast, ‘A Life Lived Vividly’, with<br />

a focus on hearing voices.<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 53


Good<br />

vibrations<br />

A practice founded on the belief in a ‘life force energy’ that runs<br />

through us all, Reiki is a complementary therapy that’s thought<br />

to aid ailments from depression to chronic pain. So what can<br />

you expect from a session? <strong>Happiful</strong>’s Kathryn Wheeler finds<br />

out what makes this ancient technique relevant in <strong>2020</strong>, and<br />

what really goes on behind the therapy room doors<br />

54 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


On a mid-week<br />

afternoon, the low<br />

winter sun was<br />

catching on the<br />

leaves of a long,<br />

tree-lined avenue leading to the<br />

Surrey and Hampshire Wellbeing<br />

Clinic, where I had come to try<br />

Reiki for the first time.<br />

Reiki is a holistic therapeutic<br />

practice that is centred on the<br />

belief in a ‘life force energy’. This<br />

‘energy’ is thought to flow through<br />

all of us, and the world around us,<br />

and followers of Reiki believe that<br />

the energies can be rebalanced by<br />

practitioners – the results being a<br />

calm, soothed, body and mind.<br />

I arrived at the centre and was<br />

led into a low-lit treatment room<br />

by Reiki master Jenny Douglas.<br />

Sitting on deep, comfortable<br />

chairs, each holding a mug of<br />

herbal tea, I admitted that I didn’t<br />

have a clue what to expect from<br />

the session. Although, in part,<br />

this was a deliberate choice – I<br />

didn’t want to obsess over other<br />

people’s experiences to the point<br />

where I created a mental checklist<br />

for my own.<br />

But what I did know before<br />

the session was that this was an<br />

unintrusive therapy, meaning<br />

that you remain fully clothed<br />

throughout, with little-to-no<br />

physical contact, depending on<br />

the therapist. And that over the<br />

course of the hour session, the<br />

therapist would move their hands<br />

over your body to rebalance and<br />

manipulate your energies.<br />

In the centre of the room was<br />

a massage table. I lay down on<br />

a soft pillow and was covered<br />

with a heavy wool blanket. As I<br />

closed my eyes and settled down,<br />

low ambient music played in the<br />

background, and I instantly started<br />

to feel relaxed.<br />

Jenny’s role in the Reiki session is<br />

to act as a mirror for my ‘energies’,<br />

able to pick up on the areas of<br />

my body where the energy is<br />

strongest, and where it needs to be<br />

rebalanced. Using her hands, she<br />

began by lightly touching my head.<br />

What happened next was<br />

unexpected.<br />

I felt as though my head was<br />

expanding, or perhaps more<br />

accurately, I suddenly couldn’t tell<br />

where my head stopped and Jenny’s<br />

hands began. It was unlike anything<br />

I had experienced before, and yet<br />

at no point did it feel alarming or<br />

uncomfortable. It was a kind of<br />

tingling, mixed with a sensation of<br />

heat, but all of it pleasant.<br />

Throughout the<br />

session, I was<br />

able to tune in<br />

to my body in an<br />

entirely new way<br />

Jenny moved down to my ears and<br />

neck, and then my chest, before<br />

holding her hands over my legs<br />

and feet. At points, the sensations<br />

felt more intense than others –<br />

especially around my ears, and<br />

later my ankles. And throughout<br />

the process, I felt as though I had<br />

slipped into the state of mind<br />

similar to when you are on the edge<br />

of falling asleep, where you feel<br />

warm, relaxed, and slow.<br />

As time went on, I was able to<br />

tune in to my body in an entirely<br />

new way. Feeling the sensations,<br />

TRY THIS AT HOME<br />

At the core of it, Reiki is about<br />

tuning in to ourselves and<br />

the world around us. Is there<br />

a place you’ve visited that<br />

feels special to you? Perhaps<br />

a historical site, or a natural<br />

spot that you feel especially<br />

drawn to? Make a solo trip<br />

and take a quiet moment to<br />

tune in to how that space<br />

makes you feel. Let whatever<br />

you are feeling wash over you,<br />

and allow your mind to be<br />

free to explore.<br />

whatever they may have been,<br />

moving down my body gave me<br />

the opportunity to check in with<br />

each part and realise where I was<br />

holding on to the most tension.<br />

When the session finished,<br />

Jenny gently touched me on the<br />

shoulder. I opened my eyes, and<br />

stood up feeling soothed and slow,<br />

as if I had just woken up from a<br />

long, nourishing sleep.<br />

Leaving the clinic, I went about<br />

the rest of my day. But I felt<br />

different. I felt lighter, as if my<br />

worries had melted away. I was<br />

refreshed and rejuvenated.<br />

For those already some way into<br />

their own spiritual journey, Reiki<br />

is said to tune in to everything,<br />

from stress and anxiety, through<br />

to bodily pain. But for people<br />

like me, for whom this is a whole<br />

new world, it’s an opportunity to<br />

understand how your body holds<br />

on to tension. And at the end of<br />

the day, however you choose to<br />

do it, we all stand to benefit from<br />

taking time to slow down, catch<br />

a quiet moment, and listen to our<br />

bodies.<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 55


“<br />

Strength lies in diff erences,<br />

not in similarities<br />

– STEPHEN R COVEY<br />

Photography | Joseph Greve


TRUE LIFE<br />

How being<br />

bipolar was a<br />

blessing for me<br />

After a dramatic breakdown in Italy, Dan stripped<br />

his life back to the basics. For six months he may<br />

have lost his sense of self, but gradually he found<br />

a new purpose – as a motivational speaker and<br />

mental health activist<br />

Writing | Dan Keeley<br />

Seven years ago,<br />

I was diagnosed<br />

with bipolar<br />

disorder. Now I<br />

consider it my blessing.<br />

Let’s be 100% clear,<br />

bipolar disorder can be a<br />

b*tch. On any given day it<br />

can wear you down, pump<br />

you up, play tricks on you,<br />

be all-consuming. It will<br />

take you down paths you<br />

could never imagine (some<br />

good, some bad), and it<br />

will make you ask yourself<br />

the biggest questions in<br />

life. And for that last part,<br />

I am truly grateful.<br />

Through the first half of<br />

2012, my mind took me<br />

on such a journey that I<br />

ended up preaching from<br />

the middle lane of a major<br />

motorway in northern<br />

Italy at rush hour – not to<br />

be recommended!<br />

After six months of<br />

escalating moods, and<br />

ignoring all the warning<br />

signs – the fast talking,<br />

the racing thoughts, the<br />

sleepless nights, the poor<br />

nutrition, the excessive<br />

spending – my mind took<br />

me from believing I was<br />

the next Steve Jobs, to<br />

believing in my core that I<br />

was The Chosen One.<br />

I was ‘the one’ who<br />

was put on this planet to<br />

show people how to ‘slow<br />

down and follow your<br />

heart’, which at the time I<br />

believed was the answer to<br />

all the world’s suffering.<br />

But there were two<br />

main issues as I stood on<br />

that motorway: firstly,<br />

my mind was going at<br />

200mph; and secondly, I<br />

wasn’t showing anyone<br />

how to slow down and<br />

follow their heart, I was<br />

trying to force them to.<br />

Combined, this was never<br />

going to end well.<br />

Soon I was being fasttracked<br />

to the closest<br />

psychiatric ward and being<br />

pumped full of drugs to<br />

make me slow down. Soon<br />

I was repatriated back to<br />

the UK, with two nurses<br />

who had to fly out to bring<br />

me home. I was in the<br />

Maudsley Hospital in south<br />

London in a crippling state<br />

of confusion, given that<br />

five minutes ago I thought<br />

we’d be setting up our new<br />

world headquarters at the<br />

Colosseum in Rome. Soon<br />

came the diagnoses. Then,<br />

now home, the worst six<br />

months of my life kicked<br />

in. Six months where, quite<br />

simply, I wanted to take my<br />

own life.<br />

If we go that high, we’re<br />

going to crash down<br />

with the biggest bang<br />

imaginable, right? This<br />

was it. And if I had to<br />

choose just two words to<br />

sum up this whole chapter,<br />

they would be… to endure.<br />

My mind had made me<br />

believe I was ‘the one’,<br />

100% convinced by my<br />

ideas, my thoughts, and<br />

every word that was<br />

leaving my lips. Now, here<br />

I was, completely numb,<br />

in limbo, emotionless,<br />

barely living, barely<br />

breathing, overwhelmed,<br />

crippled, debilitated,<br />

broken, bed-bound…<br />

done. Or was I? Not quite.<br />

With an incredible<br />

amount of love, patience,<br />

kindness, and warmth<br />

from those closest to me,<br />

plus my professional >>><br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 57


Dan raised more than<br />

£15,000 for CALM with<br />

his Rome to Home project<br />

Whatever you may be going<br />

through right now, just<br />

remember this – that when<br />

suffering finds meaning, it<br />

ceases to be suffering<br />

counsellors who guided<br />

me through the rocky<br />

waters, I stripped it all<br />

back and started again.<br />

I mean I really stripped<br />

it all back! We’re talking<br />

ridding myself of physical<br />

possessions and clutter,<br />

the apps on my phone,<br />

email subscriptions,<br />

unimportant<br />

responsibilities, negative<br />

relationships… anything<br />

that was getting in the<br />

way of the five things that<br />

truly mattered most: my<br />

health (both mental and<br />

physical), relationships,<br />

passions, growth, and<br />

being in service to other<br />

people.<br />

See, this is the part where<br />

I was forced to ask myself<br />

the biggest questions in<br />

life, namely what truly<br />

matters most. And it really<br />

started working.<br />

Clearing away life’s<br />

excess, so I could<br />

concentrate as much of my<br />

time, energy, and focus on<br />

these five light bulb areas,<br />

really started to work<br />

for me. So much so that,<br />

by 2013, I was going out<br />

in public again, back in<br />

employment, socialising,<br />

and being open about my<br />

experiences to others, and<br />

I was being asked to share<br />

my story.<br />

And three incredible<br />

things started to happen.<br />

I felt lighter every time I<br />

shared my story. I started<br />

building an even greater<br />

support network around<br />

me. And on pretty much<br />

every occasion, sharing<br />

my story gave permission<br />

for others to share theirs.<br />

This was truly gamechanging.<br />

And I knew I<br />

had to do something more<br />

with this.<br />

So, what better way<br />

to give permission to<br />

hundreds of others to<br />

speak up about their<br />

experiences with their<br />

mental health than by<br />

creating a huge project<br />

and platform to do so?<br />

What if – five years on<br />

from the motorway<br />

incident – I were to take<br />

on a big running challenge<br />

to share my story on a<br />

national scale? What if I<br />

returned to Italy, but this<br />

time, instead of losing<br />

my sh*t, I were to run –<br />

solo and self-supported<br />

– 1,250 miles from the<br />

Colosseum in Rome back<br />

to the London Eye? In that<br />

58 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Find out more about Dan at<br />

dankeeley.co, and follow him<br />

on Twitter @iamdankeeley<br />

I felt lighter every<br />

time I shared<br />

my story. And<br />

on pretty much<br />

every occasion,<br />

sharing my story<br />

gave permission<br />

for others to<br />

share theirs<br />

moment, my Rome To<br />

Home project was born!<br />

And we smashed it!<br />

‘We’ as in everyone who<br />

supported me on this<br />

mental adventure over the<br />

years, who were with me<br />

in spirit every step of the<br />

way – and without whom I<br />

could not have done it.<br />

This was majestic. This<br />

was an oil painting I was<br />

lucky enough to live in for<br />

65 days, waking up every<br />

day with an overwhelming<br />

sense of gratitude to be<br />

out there, five years on,<br />

having responded to those<br />

big questions I asked<br />

myself when I was pinned<br />

to my bed for six months.<br />

Having given myself the<br />

time to get my mental<br />

health in the best shape to<br />

take on this adventure.<br />

And this time, without<br />

knowing it (until someone<br />

whispered this in my ear<br />

when I finally arrived at<br />

the London Eye), I was<br />

now truly showing the<br />

world how we can slow<br />

down and follow our<br />

hearts, on a massive scale.<br />

Each step of the<br />

adventure lit up my five<br />

light bulbs: my health (I<br />

was in the best shape of<br />

my life), my relationships<br />

(imagine the people I met,<br />

and the support online),<br />

my passions (obviously),<br />

my growth (beyond<br />

words), and being in<br />

service to other people (I<br />

raised more than £15,000<br />

for the Campaign Against<br />

Living Miserably, who<br />

were absolute rock stars<br />

behind the scenes). This<br />

was life-affirming.<br />

I’ll say it again, bipolar<br />

disorder can be a<br />

b*tch. But without the<br />

experiences of 2012, would<br />

I have taken on such an<br />

adventure, one which<br />

kick-started my career as a<br />

professional speaker and<br />

mental health activist, one<br />

where I get to wake up<br />

every day and empower<br />

everyone across the UK<br />

to speak up when we’re<br />

suffering? No chance.<br />

What advice would I give<br />

to anyone going through<br />

a similar struggle? To<br />

hold on, to know that<br />

we’re all in this together,<br />

to know that every single<br />

one of us is suffering<br />

with something and that<br />

together – by speaking up<br />

– we truly can show future<br />

generations how it’s done.<br />

So, I’m telling you that<br />

whatever you may be<br />

going through right now,<br />

just remember this – that<br />

when suffering finds<br />

meaning, it ceases to be<br />

suffering.<br />

We’ve got this.<br />

OUR EXPERT SAYS<br />

Dan’s bipolar hit a<br />

crisis with his extreme<br />

changing moods, which<br />

took him from euphoric<br />

to despairing. With the<br />

support of professionals<br />

and his friends, he started<br />

his journey to recovery,<br />

slowly finding out what he<br />

needed, and focusing on<br />

what was core to him as a<br />

person. Through setting<br />

himself the challenge<br />

of running home from<br />

Rome, he revisited his<br />

recovery in an emotional<br />

way, which helped him<br />

to have purpose. So often<br />

finding meaning<br />

in our lives<br />

can help us to<br />

cope better with<br />

suffering.<br />

Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP<br />

Reg Ind counsellor<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 59


How to<br />

conquer your<br />

shopping<br />

£<br />

addiction<br />

£<br />

Compulsive spending can lead to psychological problems, relationship<br />

difficulties, and serious debt. If you find it hard to resist temptation, here are<br />

some strategies to help control your urge to splurge<br />

Writing | Wendy Gregory Illustrating | Rosan Magar<br />

Addiction is defined<br />

as a compulsive<br />

engagement in<br />

rewarding behaviour,<br />

despite adverse consequences.<br />

A bit of retail therapy might not<br />

be the first thing that springs to<br />

mind when you hear this, but<br />

thanks to apps, instant pay, and<br />

targeted advertising, shopping<br />

is easier than ever, and most of<br />

us occasionally make impulse<br />

buys – especially during the<br />

sales. Often, we regret it when<br />

we get home, realising we’ve<br />

wasted money on something we<br />

don’t need. But for an addict,<br />

shopping can be used to avoid<br />

feelings of depression, anxiety,<br />

low self-esteem, or boredom.<br />

The act of buying something,<br />

in a shop or online, produces<br />

a surge of adrenaline and<br />

dopamine, making it feel<br />

exciting and pleasurable. It can<br />

also relieve anxiety and stress,<br />

but only temporarily. Soon after,<br />

the shopping addict is likely to<br />

experience guilt and shame,<br />

leading to further low mood and<br />

anxiety. As with all addictions,<br />

it’s usually a secretive activity.<br />

There will be a progressive loss of<br />

control, and increasing compulsive<br />

buying, even though the addict<br />

knows it is causing them problems.


The adverse consequences are<br />

not limited to psychological and<br />

emotional difficulty, but can lead to<br />

relationship problems, and serious<br />

debt, as the addict continues to<br />

buy things that they don’t need,<br />

on credit. Because of the instant<br />

gratification it brings, making<br />

impulse purchases masks the true<br />

cause of the anxiety, and may<br />

prevent the addict from seeking<br />

more long-term solutions or<br />

treatment for their anxiety.<br />

Because so few people with a<br />

compulsive overspending problem<br />

report it or seek help, it’s very hard<br />

to know exactly how many people<br />

experience this. Some studies,<br />

however, estimate that between<br />

30% and 50% of Europeans suffer<br />

from at least mild to moderate lack<br />

of control when spending.<br />

Whether you feel you have a<br />

serious problem with shopping<br />

addiction, or whether you would<br />

just like to resist occasional impulse<br />

purchases, there are strategies to<br />

help you break that pattern.<br />

OUT AND ABOUT<br />

Give yourself time<br />

If you’re tempted to make an<br />

impulse purchase, tell yourself that<br />

you’ll wait a couple of days and if<br />

you still really want it and can afford<br />

it, then you’ll go back to get it.<br />

Make a list<br />

Even going to the supermarket for<br />

the weekly food shop can lead to<br />

overspending, so do the<br />

old-fashioned thing<br />

and make a shopping<br />

list before you go – and<br />

stick to it. There is<br />

also something<br />

quite satisfying<br />

about getting to<br />

cross things out<br />

on your list!<br />

Just take cash<br />

To avoid temptation when you are<br />

out shopping, just take the amount<br />

of cash you need. Leave cards at<br />

home. That way you can’t make an<br />

impulse buy.<br />

ONLINE SHOPPING<br />

It’s so easy to scroll through<br />

eBay or ASOS every evening, and<br />

many people find it extremely<br />

hard to break the pattern, in<br />

spite of escalating debts. Online<br />

sites exacerbate the problem<br />

by constantly coming up with<br />

suggestions for items you might<br />

also like, and it’s all too easy to<br />

click on them. So how can you get<br />

out of such addictive routines?<br />

Cold turkey<br />

The fastest way to treat any<br />

addiction is to go cold turkey,<br />

which means abruptly stopping<br />

completely. To do this you would<br />

need to delete those sites from<br />

your devices, and seek other ways<br />

to control the anxiety.<br />

Gradual withdrawal<br />

If that’s too difficult, it can be done<br />

more gradually. You could limit<br />

the time you spend browsing. For<br />

example, stick to 30 minutes at a<br />

set time every day, then browse<br />

every alternate day, gradually<br />

reducing it each week. Do<br />

something constructive with the<br />

time you’d normally spend online<br />

(exercise, cooking, writing, etc).<br />

Distraction<br />

If you can’t resist, then before you<br />

hit buy, get up and do something<br />

that distracts you for 10 minutes.<br />

Most cravings subside in that time.<br />

Or put it in your basket and resolve<br />

not to check out until the next day.<br />

You will probably find that your<br />

urge to splurge goes.<br />

Have a positive plan<br />

Add up the amount you’ve spent<br />

shopping online over the past<br />

month. Work out what this<br />

amounts to in a year and make a<br />

goal to save the money instead, to<br />

put it towards something you really<br />

want (a new car, dancing lessons, a<br />

deposit for a house, a holiday).<br />

Help and support<br />

If you’ve tried all of this and still<br />

feel you have a problem, contact<br />

Citizens Advice for support with<br />

debt management. Cognitive<br />

behavioural therapy (CBT) can<br />

really help to find alternative, more<br />

positive ways of managing anxiety<br />

and low self-esteem as well.<br />

Wendy Gregory is a counselling<br />

psychologist and writer, as well as a<br />

regular guest psychologist on<br />

BBC Talk Radio.<br />

0000 0000 0000 0000


62 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Make it<br />

mindful<br />

Embrace the magic of mindfulness with these four easy exercises, utilising<br />

daily activities to blend seamlessly into your day<br />

EATING<br />

Something we do every day, but when<br />

was the last time you really savoured<br />

the moment while you ate? Drop the<br />

multitasking and step away from<br />

screens. Focus on the texture of your<br />

food – how does it feel in your mouth?<br />

What flavours can you dissect in each<br />

bite? How do you feel?<br />

CREATIVITY<br />

Whatever your craft – drawing,<br />

painting, writing, crochet – take<br />

the time to really be present in the<br />

creation, with less focus on the<br />

outcome. Listen to your needles brush<br />

against each other, or the pencil on<br />

paper. What are you feeling? Where do<br />

your thoughts go?<br />

EXERCISE<br />

Whether you’re going for a highintensity<br />

sweat-sesh, or a walk<br />

around the block, connect with your<br />

body and the sensations as you move.<br />

Can you feel your pulse quicken, or<br />

the breeze on your skin?<br />

REST<br />

A quiet moment to reconnect with<br />

your body. Simply sit, or lie, and focus<br />

on your breathing. What can you see,<br />

hear, feel, smell? A gentle hum of the<br />

heating, birds outside, a tap dripping?<br />

Let go of all the distractions and let<br />

your senses explore the moment.<br />

TOP TIPS<br />

Awareness: focus on the<br />

moment, acknowledging all<br />

your senses, and taking in the<br />

detail in everyday activities.<br />

Free your mind: allow your<br />

mind to roam – go with it!<br />

Return to the moment: bring<br />

yourself back by returning<br />

your attention to what’s<br />

happening, either through<br />

something you feel, your<br />

breathing, a sound…<br />

Embrace your emotions: open<br />

yourself up to your feelings,<br />

and become really aware of<br />

them. Allow them to be, with<br />

no judgement or expectations.


Smooth<br />

operator<br />

Three vitamin-boosting drinks to help you<br />

fight off the <strong>February</strong> flu<br />

Writing | Ellen Hoggard<br />

While the sight of<br />

a bright green<br />

smoothie can set<br />

your stomach<br />

churning, many of them do,<br />

in fact, taste very nice. The<br />

trick is to find flavours you like.<br />

Some people love the fresh<br />

taste of celery or cucumber,<br />

others may prefer to hide their<br />

greens among the overpowering<br />

flavours of pineapple or mango.<br />

Whatever works for you.<br />

Smoothies and juices are a good<br />

way to get some additional fruit<br />

and veg into your diet, and after<br />

trying a few different recipes,<br />

you can easily make your own.<br />

Experiment with fruits and<br />

vegetables, push yourself and<br />

test your bravery. Avocado in a<br />

smoothie may sound strange, but<br />

it’s actually delicious.<br />

It’s important to acknowledge<br />

that shop-bought smoothies<br />

often contain a lot of sugar,<br />

and can be quite expensive.<br />

Making your own at home can<br />

help to reduce sugar intake and<br />

are much more cost effective,<br />

especially if preparing in bulk.<br />

They are refreshing, quick to<br />

make and can be just what you<br />

need to kick-start your energy<br />

levels this <strong>February</strong>.<br />

Orange & Carrot Smoothie<br />

Serves 2<br />

Ingredients<br />

• 1 orange<br />

• 1 large carrot<br />

• 2 small sticks of celery<br />

• 50g mango<br />

• 200ml water<br />

• Handful of ice<br />

Method<br />

Peel the fruit. Roughly chop the<br />

orange, carrot and celery. Slice the<br />

mango. In a blender, add the fruit,<br />

veg and ice. Top up with water and<br />

blend until smooth.<br />

Berry Breakfast Smoothie<br />

Serves 2<br />

Ingredients<br />

• 225g frozen berries<br />

• 225g Greek yoghurt (or dairy-free<br />

alternative)<br />

• 50ml milk of choice<br />

• 2 tbsp porridge oats<br />

• 1 tsp honey or agave syrup<br />

Method<br />

Blend the berries, yoghurt and<br />

milk until smooth. Add the oats<br />

and pour into glasses. Taste. For<br />

extra sweetness, add a drizzle of<br />

honey or agave syrup. Enjoy.


OUR EXPERT SAYS…<br />

Orange & Carrot Smoothie<br />

This smoothie packs a ‘vitamin-C<br />

punch’ that will give your immune<br />

system a much-needed boost. The<br />

stand-out star is the beta-carotene,<br />

obtained from the bright orange<br />

of the mango, carrot, and orange.<br />

Beta-carotene is the precursor<br />

to vitamin A production, which<br />

is essential for skin, eye, and<br />

reproductive health. Adding celery<br />

will prevent it being too sweet,<br />

while boosting the fibre content.<br />

Berry Breakfast Smoothie<br />

Berries provide a high dose of<br />

numerous antioxidants, oats add<br />

a good source of soluble fibre,<br />

promoting bowel health and<br />

balanced blood sugar levels.<br />

Adding honey is a lovely<br />

sweetening agent – if possible,<br />

treat yourself to a raw and<br />

unprocessed brand that will<br />

contain both antimicrobial and<br />

antifungal properties.<br />

Find a nutritionist near you at<br />

nutritionist-resource.org.uk<br />

Zesty Green Smoothie<br />

Serves 2<br />

Ingredients<br />

• Half an avocado, sliced<br />

• Juice of half a lime<br />

• Large handful of frozen pineapple<br />

• 2 handfuls of kale<br />

• Fresh ginger<br />

• 1 tbsp cashew nuts<br />

Optional: 1 small banana<br />

Method<br />

Add all the ingredients into a<br />

blender. Add a handful of ice and<br />

blend. Add a splash of water and<br />

blend until smooth. Serve.<br />

Zesty Green Smoothie<br />

Avocados are not only a great<br />

source of healthy fats, but also<br />

provide more potassium than<br />

bananas. Potassium supports<br />

healthy blood sugar levels, while<br />

the lime, kale, and pineapple have<br />

immune-boosting properties. It<br />

also features an enzyme called<br />

bromelain, present in pineapple,<br />

that improves digestion. There’s a<br />

great balance of fruit to veg, while<br />

cashew nuts add a protein hit for a<br />

very satiating smoothie.<br />

Josephine (Beanie) Robinson<br />

is a nutritional therapist,<br />

yoga and meditation teacher,<br />

and co-founder of The Health<br />

Space. Find out more at<br />

thehealth-space.com


A menu<br />

for change<br />

Celebrity chef Tom Kerridge was nearing 40 when he noticed his weight had<br />

crept up too, and realised he had been using food and alcohol to escape the<br />

stresses of running his businesses. Now, six years later and fitter than ever, he has<br />

transformed his life, and wants to encourage others to do the same<br />

Writing | Gemma Calvert<br />

Tom Kerridge is full of<br />

apologies. He’s running 20<br />

minutes behind schedule<br />

after a morning in<br />

London marking the first birthday<br />

of Kerridge’s Bar and Grill, his<br />

Michelin-starred restaurant at the<br />

city’s Corinthia Hotel.<br />

“I’ve been all over the place,”<br />

says the TV chef, his cheerful West<br />

Country accent diluting any hint<br />

of lateness-fuelled panic. By the<br />

time we speak, he’s back in leafy<br />

Marlow, Buckinghamshire. Home.<br />

It’s also where Tom runs his pub,<br />

The Hand and Flowers – the only<br />

pub to ever win a pair of Michelin<br />

stars, and a place so popular,<br />

customers apparently wait up to<br />

six months for a table.<br />

For Marlow residents too<br />

ravenous for patience, there’s<br />

fortunately another Tom-owned<br />

boozer nearby, The Coach, which<br />

also boasts a Michelin star. In this<br />

pocket of South-east England, pub<br />

grub has never tasted so good.<br />

Lately, however, Tom has become<br />

better known for making healthy<br />

food taste extra good. Following<br />

his 2010 foray into television on<br />

BBC2’s Great British Menu, and<br />

landing his own telly series Tom<br />

Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food, in<br />

2012, he realised his lifestyle was<br />

putting his health at risk.<br />

Four months before turning 40,<br />

and weighing almost 30 stone,<br />

Tom realised he had been eating<br />

and drinking too much, to help<br />

him cope with the pressure of<br />

building the reputation of The<br />

Hand and Flowers. Overnight, he<br />

made drastic changes. Healthy<br />

protein-rich foods replaced<br />

high-fat, carb-heavy options, and<br />

exercise – swimming and bike<br />

riding – became a non-negotiable<br />

part of his routine.<br />

What’s been the greatest reward<br />

since transforming his health?<br />

“The ability to move, to feel that<br />

I’m quite active, to keep up with<br />

a four-year-old!” answers Tom,<br />

referring to his son, Acey.<br />

“In general life, feeling fitter is<br />

wonderful. I can now run a 5K,<br />

and as a 46-year-old that feels<br />

nice, because I never used to be<br />

able to.”<br />

Tom considers himself very lucky<br />

for not having experienced selfesteem<br />

issues or anxiety.<br />

“I’ve always been very<br />

comfortable in my own skin [and]<br />

communicating and talking to<br />

people on a professional basis.<br />

Even when I was at my biggest, and<br />

drinking and eating, professionally<br />

the business was succeeding.”<br />

Yet at the helm of a growing,<br />

thriving business where he<br />

felt huge pressure, Tom began<br />

playing as hard as he worked, in a<br />

misguided attempt to find balance.<br />

After last orders, he’d sink up to<br />

eight pints with his staff, before<br />

heading home in the wee hours to<br />

eat chilli sauce-topped cheese on<br />

toast. Just four hours of sleep later,<br />

he’d wake up, do a full day’s work<br />

and hit repeat. Alcohol, he admits<br />

now, was his ‘escape’ button.<br />

“I recognise that for some people,<br />

when they have low self-esteem,<br />

the comforting thing is to eat a<br />

packet of biscuits – and that is a<br />

66 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


For some people,<br />

when they have low<br />

self-esteem, the<br />

comforting thing is<br />

to eat a packet of<br />

biscuits – and that is<br />

a mental health issue.<br />

It’s the same with me<br />

and alcohol<br />

mental health issue. It’s the same<br />

with me and alcohol,” he says.<br />

“It was an escape and a release<br />

from reality. My escape from the<br />

pressure of running multiple<br />

businesses.”<br />

Tom has now been tee-total for<br />

six years.<br />

“I have an issue with it, and I<br />

wouldn’t be able to have just one,<br />

that doesn’t exist,” he says matterof-factly,<br />

adding that although he’s<br />

‘100%’ happier since knocking<br />

alcohol on the head, he has no<br />

regrets about the part drinking<br />

played in his life and career.<br />

“I wouldn’t go back and do<br />

something different, because<br />

without being that person, without<br />

that drive, I wouldn’t have achieved<br />

two Michelin stars,” he says. “You<br />

should never regret something that<br />

you’ve done. They’re all learning<br />

curves. Every negative can be a<br />

positive experience.”<br />

Did he ever have counselling to<br />

help him on his journey?<br />

“No, I just did it all on my own.<br />

I worked it out for myself,” says<br />

Tom, who wrote his new book,<br />

Lose Weight & Get Fit, to encourage<br />

others to be more active while<br />

eating more healthily. It’s packed<br />

with nutritious, home-cooked<br />

recipes that are both filling and<br />

flavour-packed.<br />

“For me, it wasn’t about reaching<br />

a target weight, but more about<br />

getting fitter and healthier. Setting<br />

fitness goals alongside weight-loss<br />

goals is a win-win formula for<br />

lasting success,” says Tom, adding<br />

that planning healthy meals helps<br />

him to feel more emotionally in<br />

control, especially when work is<br />

so busy and “things aren’t quite<br />

balanced enough”. >>><br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 67


TUNA<br />

COBB<br />

SALAD<br />

BOWL<br />

This is a good example of the<br />

kind of salad that you can throw<br />

together using ingredients that<br />

might already be in the cupboard<br />

and fridge. Feel free to swap<br />

things around depending on<br />

what you have. The one thing I’d<br />

say you need to keep is the baby<br />

capers – they may be tiny but<br />

they add so much flavour.<br />

SERVES 4<br />

Tom’s<br />

recipe<br />

Extract taken from Lose Weight and Get Fit by Tom Kerridge / Photography © Cristian Barnett<br />

• 4 large free-range eggs<br />

• 400g tinned tuna in spring<br />

water (drained weight)<br />

• Juice of ½ lemon, plus an extra<br />

squeeze for the avocado<br />

• 1 tbsp baby capers, rinsed<br />

• 50ml light mayonnaise<br />

• 350g Iceberg lettuce, shredded<br />

• 150g carrots, grated<br />

• 8 cherry tomatoes, halved<br />

• ½ cucumber, halved lengthways<br />

and thickly sliced<br />

• 200g drained tinned sweetcorn<br />

• 8 radishes, quartered<br />

• 1 ripe avocado, peeled,<br />

quartered and stoned<br />

• Sea salt and freshly ground<br />

black pepper<br />

For the dressing<br />

• 3 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil<br />

• 1½ tbsp red wine vinegar<br />

• 1 tsp Dijon mustard<br />

• Place a small saucepan of water<br />

over a high heat and bring to<br />

the boil. Carefully add the eggs<br />

and cook for 7 minutes. Remove<br />

the eggs and immerse them<br />

in a bowl of cold water to cool<br />

quickly.<br />

• Flake the tuna and place in<br />

a bowl with the lemon juice,<br />

capers and mayonnaise. Season<br />

with salt and pepper to taste<br />

and mix well.<br />

• Lay out 4 containers and cover<br />

the base of each one with<br />

shredded lettuce and grated<br />

carrot. Top with the tuna mayo,<br />

cherry tomatoes, cucumber,<br />

sweetcorn and radishes.<br />

Squeeze some lemon juice over<br />

the avocado slices and add<br />

these to the containers.<br />

• For the dressing, whisk the<br />

ingredients together in a small<br />

bowl and season with salt and<br />

pepper to taste. Spoon over the<br />

salads.<br />

• Peel the cooled boiled eggs,<br />

then halve and season with a<br />

little salt and pepper. Add the<br />

eggs to your containers. Serve<br />

straight away or seal and keep<br />

in the fridge. Eat within 2 days.<br />

68 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


“My life is like other people’s – I<br />

have a young son, I have a job,<br />

some evenings I manage to get<br />

home on time, but not very many.<br />

I know how it feels to get through<br />

the door at 7pm. The last thing<br />

you want is to then spend three<br />

hours cooking dinner. It’s about<br />

organised structure, and getting<br />

your head in the right space,” he<br />

explains.<br />

So many parents worry about<br />

the quality of their children’s diet<br />

and, naturally, Tom is often asked<br />

by mums and dads for the secret<br />

to getting youngsters to consume<br />

more fruit and vegetables.<br />

“I’m not overly stressed about it,<br />

and I don’t think parents should<br />

be either. But parents should be<br />

making an effort for themselves to<br />

be eating the right stuff so they’re<br />

leading by example,” he says,<br />

pragmatically.<br />

“That’s the right way to do it. If<br />

[Acey] wants fish fingers and oven<br />

chips one day, that’s fine – but<br />

we aren’t going to sit there and<br />

eat fish fingers and oven chips<br />

with him. We’re going to have a<br />

lovely salad so it gets to be in his<br />

consciousness that he’s having<br />

something different.”<br />

What about making sure we’re<br />

always prepared in the kitchen to<br />

achieve maximum flavour with our<br />

cooking, to avoid getting stuck in<br />

a rut and feeling uninspired to eat<br />

healthily – is there one ingredient<br />

every kitchen should stock?<br />

“Honestly, it’s only one – smoked<br />

paprika!” laughs Tom. “That<br />

goes on everything and makes<br />

it taste amazing! Most people<br />

have their home repertoire of<br />

recipes that they cook for friends<br />

and family. You can get into<br />

routines. But you should restock<br />

your spice cupboard so your<br />

cooking repertoire becomes super<br />

exciting.”<br />

He’s wealthier than most of us<br />

dare to dream possible, but Tom’s<br />

relatability is rooted in his appeal<br />

as an average Joe, and the fact he<br />

doesn’t pretend to be perfect. And<br />

despite getting healthier in the<br />

glare of the public spotlight, Tom<br />

denies feeling under pressure from<br />

anyone but himself to continue<br />

making progress.<br />

“I do it for me. I did it for me in<br />

the first place,” he says. “I’m not<br />

doing it because it’s on television<br />

or it’s for commercial gain. I did<br />

it because it’s the right thing to be<br />

doing as a 46-year-old bloke who<br />

wants to try to be a bit fitter.”<br />

Before Tom departs, we talk<br />

about how he’s welcomed the<br />

public into his kitchen, but also<br />

his private life, by being so honest<br />

about his reasons for transforming<br />

his lifestyle and his subsequent<br />

journey towards better health. Has<br />

he always felt comfortable with<br />

that level of exposure?<br />

“From the moment I was asked to<br />

do TV, I promised myself I wasn’t<br />

going to be a caricature of me.<br />

That if I was going to do it, I was<br />

going to be honest,” replies Tom.<br />

“The biggest reward is helping<br />

people. One of the nicest things<br />

that happens is when I bump into<br />

people on a weekly basis, who I’ve<br />

never met in my life, and they say,<br />

‘thank you ever so much’.<br />

“It’s hard work putting a book<br />

together, but my life is about food<br />

so it’s enjoyable, and if it helps<br />

someone else out there, then that’s<br />

brilliant.”<br />

‘Lose Weight & Get Fit’ by<br />

Tom Kerridge (Bloomsbury<br />

Absolute, hardback £22)<br />

WIN!<br />

For your chance to win one of two<br />

signed copies of Tom Kerridge's<br />

new book, simply send your<br />

answer to the following question<br />

to competitions@happiful.com:<br />

In what year did Tom open his<br />

pub, The Hand and Flowers?<br />

a) 2000 b) 2005 c) 2009<br />

UK mainland only. Competition closes on<br />

20 <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> – good luck!<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 69


Blending in<br />

Confined to a wheelchair, Tess Daly often felt self-conscious about her<br />

disability as she grew up. Now, the 31-year-old is proud to stand out, having<br />

made a name for herself as one of the UK’s leading beauty bloggers<br />

Writing | Suzanne Baum<br />

pplying makeup<br />

takes confidence,<br />

patience, and a<br />

steady hand –<br />

traits Tess Daly is<br />

the first to admit she doesn’t have in<br />

abundance.<br />

In fact, it’s only through using<br />

a robotic arm that the disabled<br />

beauty blogger has been able to<br />

fine-tune her online makeup posts<br />

and tutorials that have seen her<br />

amass more than 200,000 Instagram<br />

followers.<br />

Tess was born with spinal<br />

muscular atrophy – a<br />

neuromuscular disorder that<br />

means she has never been able to<br />

walk. Despite being in a wheelchair<br />

since the age of two, she grew up<br />

refusing to let her disability get in<br />

the way, having from an early age<br />

a determination to one day work in<br />

the creative world.<br />

“I was always interested in fashion<br />

and beauty,” Tess tells me as we<br />

chat in her Sheffield home, where<br />

she relies upon a team of carers to<br />

help her with everyday tasks. “I had<br />

my heart set on becoming a fashion<br />

designer. I studied art in school, With the use of what she<br />

and spent every spare minute nicknamed ‘the bionic arm’,<br />

drawing clothing and shoe designs. Tess was able to teach herself<br />

“Unfortunately, during my GCSEs, to do certain things again,<br />

I rather inexplicably lost the use including her own makeup.<br />

of my right hand, which meant “I found ways to make things<br />

I was unable to do lots of things, work, and I have always<br />

including my own makeup.”<br />

preferred to talk about the<br />

In a bid to feel as normal as<br />

things I can do, rather than<br />

possible, Tess began paying<br />

stuff I can’t do, as there’s no<br />

makeup artists to do her face for point thinking of negatives.”<br />

a night out almost every weekend When I suggest that Tess is an<br />

throughout her early 20s. “It was ‘influencer’, she’s quick to point<br />

an expensive affair, trust me! But out she’s not. “I’d much rather<br />

I always prided myself on looking be known as a ‘role-model’ –<br />

good on the outside to make myself standing up for people with<br />

feel better inwardly.”<br />

disabilities, who don’t often see<br />

However, things changed a few themselves represented in the<br />

years ago when a friend – who beauty industry.”<br />

also has spinal muscular atrophy Having perfected the use of<br />

– shared a video of her applying the bionic arm, Tess – who<br />

eyeliner with the help of a piece of never used social media much<br />

equipment called the ‘neater eater’. – began posting pictures of her<br />

It’s attached to the wheelchair progress on Instagram, tagging<br />

and functions as a bionic arm to the makeup brands she was<br />

manipulate the limb; although using. After a few months, she<br />

designed for helping to feed<br />

gained more than 10,000 new<br />

yourself, Tess found it worked just followers after her work was<br />

as well when applying makeup – shared by makeup guru to the<br />

and it changed her life. stars, Anastasia Beverly Hills. >>><br />

70 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Reading the comments<br />

made me realise how<br />

under-represented<br />

disabled people are<br />

within the beauty<br />

industry, and also how<br />

eager people were to<br />

see that change<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 71


Tess (centre) as part of the<br />

Isle of Paradise’s Get Body<br />

Posi campaign<br />

72 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Images | Isle of Paradise<br />

“The response that it got was<br />

nothing short of phenomenal,”<br />

Tess says.<br />

“Reading the comments<br />

made me realise how underrepresented<br />

disabled people are<br />

within the beauty industry, and<br />

also how eager people were to<br />

see that change. Up until this<br />

point, posting pictures of my<br />

makeup had just been a hobby.<br />

Seeing this reaction, however,<br />

really pushed me to try to fill the<br />

gap in the industry. Growing up,<br />

I had never seen anybody like<br />

myself within either the beauty<br />

or fashion industry, and I wanted<br />

to help change this.<br />

“I genuinely had no idea that<br />

my platform would escalate into<br />

what it is today. I never thought<br />

I would have the confidence to<br />

post photos, let alone videos.<br />

The way I think about myself<br />

has changed so drastically from<br />

when I first started, it’s strange to<br />

me now that I had such negative<br />

feelings in the beginning.”<br />

Despite her sudden fame on<br />

social media – which has led to<br />

Tess being the face of numerous<br />

skin and makeup campaigns –<br />

she remains down to earth.<br />

“I’m still blown away every<br />

single day by how kind and<br />

supportive my followers are. I<br />

have a community around me<br />

that motivates and encourages<br />

me to tackle my insecurities<br />

head on. It is down to my<br />

followers that I have not only<br />

posted videos of me applying my<br />

makeup, but I have posted bikini<br />

pictures.<br />

“Every time I overcome one<br />

of these insecurity obstacles,<br />

I’m met by such love and<br />

kindness from my followers<br />

that any negativity pales into<br />

insignificance.”<br />

By this, she means the online<br />

trolls who regularly post nasty<br />

comments about her appearance.<br />

“As somebody who has been<br />

heavily trolled, my advice<br />

would be to completely rise<br />

above it. It is easier said than<br />

done, but the saying ‘don’t feed<br />

the troll’ exists for a reason.<br />

Unfortunately, people like this<br />

live to get a rise from the people<br />

they are attacking. Ignoring<br />

them is single-handedly the<br />

most annoying thing you could<br />

possibly do to them.”<br />

When it comes to posting<br />

her makeup looks, it’s a long,<br />

incredibly tiring process, that<br />

can take up to four hours.<br />

But Tess says: “The effort is<br />

worth it as, to me, makeup is<br />

freedom. There isn’t much I<br />

can do ‘independently’, but my<br />

makeup is something I can call<br />

my own and feel proud of.”<br />

Unfortunately, Tess feels<br />

that there is still some stigma<br />

affecting disabled people within<br />

the beauty industry.<br />

“There are still so many<br />

stereotypes that surround us,<br />

all of which are simply not<br />

true. It is still heavily believed<br />

that we don’t take pride in our<br />

appearance, therefore why<br />

should beauty products be aimed<br />

at a disabled audience?<br />

“Fortunately, I am seeing a<br />

shift in how not only the wider<br />

community perceives disabled<br />

people but also how brands<br />

represent us. I was recently<br />

lucky enough to be selected to<br />

feature in Isle of Paradise’s selftan<br />

campaign, and the response<br />

was phenomenal. Having a huge<br />

Tess is currently fronting a body<br />

acceptance campaign for the<br />

Isle of Paradise’s launch of Get<br />

Body Posi – a free download<br />

written by Jules Von Hep, which is<br />

a global commitment to making<br />

body acceptance top of the<br />

beauty agenda. The campaign<br />

includes all shapes, sizes, skin<br />

tones, and abilities, and is the<br />

first tanning brand to do so.<br />

Follow Tess on<br />

Instagram @tess.daly<br />

brand feature me alongside so<br />

many other beautifully diverse<br />

models helps to normalise<br />

disabled people within the<br />

industry, which really does have<br />

a ripple effect on the rest of the<br />

world.”<br />

As for future projects, Tess<br />

is working with other brand<br />

campaigns in a bid to raise<br />

awareness of body positivity –<br />

something she believes strongly<br />

in, now more than ever.<br />

“I used to be stared at a lot, and<br />

feel so unconfident – but I’m<br />

in a wheelchair, that’s nothing<br />

new really, is it? And yep, I got<br />

comments, I still do, all over<br />

good old Instagram! But the<br />

difference is, now I don’t care.<br />

I’ve got one life and I intend to<br />

live it how I want, no matter<br />

what anybody else says, or how<br />

society thinks I should live it!”<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 73


Ask the experts<br />

Counsellor Annabel Giles answers your questions on<br />

therapy and what to expert from professional support<br />

Read more about Annabel on counselling-directory.org.uk<br />

QI’m interested in counselling, but<br />

I’m nervous. What can I expect?<br />

When I first see a client,<br />

A I explain that we’re<br />

here to see if we want to<br />

work together, and that it’s<br />

OK to say no. I take a few<br />

details, such as date of birth<br />

and an emergency contact,<br />

and then we talk about<br />

what made them come to<br />

My family are struggling. Things have been<br />

said, and nobody can talk without arguing<br />

Q or getting upset. Can counselling help us?<br />

A<br />

Definitely. Often a family<br />

has become entrenched<br />

in relating to each other in<br />

a particular way, and as<br />

nothing stays the same for<br />

very long, relationships can<br />

change very quickly. The<br />

more people in the group,<br />

the more changeable the<br />

dynamic! Everyone has to be<br />

counselling. Most people<br />

have something they are<br />

very keen to talk about, but<br />

not always. At the end of the<br />

session (we use the full 50<br />

mins) we know if we’re going<br />

to get on, and (usually!)<br />

make an appointment for<br />

the following week.<br />

willing to do this, however.<br />

If not, sometimes it helps<br />

to see key individuals (e.g.<br />

sisters) as a couple, to work<br />

out what’s going wrong.<br />

Sometimes it’s just one<br />

person who needs to talk<br />

safely and privately. A good<br />

therapist will help you find<br />

the best approach.<br />

Q<br />

Can anyone<br />

benefit from<br />

counselling,<br />

even if you’re not<br />

in crisis?<br />

Yes! And yes again!<br />

A I believe it should<br />

be compulsory for<br />

everyone to sit and look<br />

at themselves and their<br />

behaviour on a weekly<br />

basis. This would bring<br />

clarity, understanding,<br />

and helps so much with<br />

decision-making. It makes<br />

sense to untangle stuff as<br />

you go along, rather than<br />

wait for a crisis. Where<br />

else can you talk about<br />

yourself and your life, in<br />

total confidentiality, without<br />

worrying about what the<br />

other person thinks, or<br />

having to listen to them?<br />

I’ve been in therapy for the<br />

past 32 years, and still find<br />

it really useful, even during<br />

the good times.


Counselling<br />

Q<br />

I don’t know<br />

who I am<br />

anymore. I’ve<br />

recently come out of<br />

a relationship and I’m<br />

unhappy in my job, but<br />

have no one to speak<br />

to. Will counselling<br />

help me?<br />

AIn many ways, this is<br />

exactly what counselling<br />

is for. People are so busy<br />

these days, it seems we’re<br />

just firefighting life as it<br />

happens, rather than taking<br />

considered decisions. I see<br />

many clients who feel they’ve<br />

lost their way and need<br />

to get back on track, but<br />

have no idea which path to<br />

choose. Together we look at<br />

how they got here, where<br />

they’d prefer to be, and the<br />

journey in between. I always<br />

say we’re walking through<br />

the woods together – I’m just<br />

holding the torch!<br />

Counselling Directory is part of the <strong>Happiful</strong> Family | Helping you find the help you need


How to<br />

cope with<br />

first day<br />

anxiety<br />

B R E W<br />

So, you’re feeling apprehensive about a new job? Don’t let nervousness hold<br />

you back – here are some ways to help conquer those workplace worries<br />

Writing | Caroline Butterwick Illustrating | Rosan Magar<br />

Starting a new job<br />

can be exciting.<br />

It may be a<br />

wonderful chance<br />

to do something you<br />

enjoy, make new<br />

friends, develop your skills, and, at<br />

the very least, earn a living.<br />

But, for many of us, the build<br />

up to our first day can also come<br />

with increased anxiety. A new job<br />

means learning new routines, new<br />

places, new systems, and meeting<br />

new people. We may be nervous<br />

about this big change. But there are<br />

things we can do to ease that first<br />

day anxiety.<br />

PREPARE<br />

Make the first morning of your<br />

new job as stress-free as possible<br />

by preparing as much as you can<br />

in the days before. Little things,<br />

like choosing your outfit and<br />

deciding what you’ll have for<br />

breakfast, means these aren’t<br />

decisions you’ll have to worry<br />

about on the day.<br />

Most importantly, decide what<br />

time you’ll need to leave by<br />

planning your journey in advance,<br />

giving yourself extra time to suss<br />

out the route. As I use public<br />

transport to get to work, on my<br />

first day in my current job I got<br />

a train earlier than I technically<br />

needed to, so I wouldn’t be<br />

anxious about being late. When<br />

I arrived early, I went and got a<br />

coffee in a nearby café and read a<br />

book for half an hour – a calming<br />

start to the day.<br />

76 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


READ THE JOB DESCRIPTION<br />

One of the main anxieties I<br />

have before starting a new job<br />

is worrying what the day-to-day<br />

routine will be like. Have a read<br />

through the job description from<br />

when you first applied for the<br />

role to jog your memory about<br />

the specifics of the job. It can also<br />

be worth having a look online,<br />

and reading blogs and articles by<br />

people who work in similar roles,<br />

to get more of an insight, especially<br />

if you’re new to this area of work.<br />

It’s likely that on your first day<br />

you’ll meet your new line<br />

manager, so have a think<br />

in advance about any<br />

questions you might have<br />

for them about the role<br />

and the workplace.<br />

REALISE YOUR SKILLS<br />

Imposter syndrome is<br />

the feeling that you are a<br />

fraud in your success, and<br />

can crop up at times when<br />

we’re growing, like taking a<br />

step up the career ladder.<br />

Remember, though, that<br />

you went through a recruitment<br />

process to get here. Your new<br />

employer will have seen your<br />

potential to flourish in this job.<br />

Think of evidence that<br />

demonstrates to you that you’re<br />

capable – like past achievements<br />

and positive feedback you’ve<br />

received. If this job is stretching<br />

your skills, try turning your anxiety<br />

into excitement: this is a chance to<br />

grow professionally. Accept there<br />

will be things you need to learn in<br />

your new job, and know that it’s<br />

perfectly fine – and expected – that<br />

you will need to ask questions as<br />

you settle in.<br />

Make the first<br />

morning as<br />

stress-free as<br />

possible by<br />

preparing as much<br />

as you can in the<br />

days before<br />

MIXING WITH COLLEAGUES<br />

Most of us have been there, being<br />

paraded around the office as<br />

you’re introduced to a whole host<br />

of people while you try, and fail,<br />

to remember everyone’s names.<br />

Come prepared to be friendly and<br />

open, and accept that you will<br />

forget your new colleagues’ names<br />

and roles – don’t worry about<br />

asking for a reminder!<br />

It can take time to work out<br />

the office culture, so go with the<br />

flow a bit on your first day. Get to<br />

know people, asking about the<br />

workplace and their role. This<br />

will not only help you understand<br />

your new surroundings, it’ll help<br />

you get conversations started.<br />

If the opportunity for a team<br />

lunch or after-work drinks comes<br />

up, take it – it’ll be a perfect<br />

opportunity to get to know<br />

everyone better.<br />

DISCLOSING A MENTAL<br />

HEALTH CONDITION<br />

According to the charity Mind,<br />

one in six UK workers experience<br />

poor mental health. If you<br />

have a diagnosed mental<br />

health problem, starting<br />

a new job comes with<br />

additional worries about<br />

whether you should tell<br />

your employer. Most<br />

people with a longterm<br />

mental illness<br />

are protected under<br />

the Equality Act. This<br />

means your employer has<br />

a duty to make reasonable<br />

adjustments for you, which<br />

could include regular breaks,<br />

time off for medical appointments,<br />

or flexible working.<br />

I tend to bring up my mental<br />

health condition in an initial<br />

meeting with my line manager:<br />

“Just to make you aware, I have<br />

anxiety and depression.” This<br />

almost always prompts them to<br />

ask what will help me.<br />

In the run up to your first day,<br />

think about whether you want<br />

to disclose, and what support<br />

may help. We’re at work for so<br />

much of our time, it’s worth doing<br />

whatever we can to make it as<br />

comfortable and enjoyable as<br />

possible.<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 77


Media partner<br />

Live Well London<br />

In <strong>2020</strong>, our resolution at <strong>Happiful</strong> is to move beyond the pages of our<br />

magazine, and connect with our readers IRL. So, to start as we mean to go<br />

on, we’re partnering with the wonderful Live Well London Festival to get stuck<br />

in to discussions around authenticity in the industry, bust a move during disco<br />

yoga, and invest in intimate conversations with the best in wellbeing!<br />

Here, we chat to festival founder Sam Willoughby about the<br />

wellbeing weekend not to be missed…<br />

Hi Sam, what inspired you to<br />

start Live Well London? I’d been<br />

working in global events and<br />

exhibition companies for 19 years,<br />

starting my career in marketing<br />

and working my way up to event<br />

director. But as a mum of two, I<br />

was beginning to find the 50-hour<br />

weeks at a very corporate, top<br />

heavy organisation, a bit much.<br />

My motivation and passion for the<br />

job was waning, and I was starting<br />

to lose confidence in what I was<br />

doing. The work-life-balance,<br />

didn’t really exist!<br />

That sounds like quite a<br />

relatable scenario for many<br />

people… After seeing a personal<br />

coach, I realised that what I really<br />

love doing, and what I’m good at,<br />

is events, and building something<br />

up that culminated in a physical<br />

experience. So, I made the leap<br />

and left the company I’d worked<br />

at for 13 years to start my own<br />

events business – luckily with an<br />

investor. Given my own struggle<br />

for a work-life balance, combined<br />

with knowing how important<br />

it is to look after yourself both<br />

physically and mentally, Live Well<br />

Events was born.<br />

What do you love most about<br />

your work? Meeting some of the<br />

truly inspirational and genuinely<br />

lovely people in the wellbeing<br />

industry, who are so welcoming,<br />

so open with their advice,<br />

generous with their time, and<br />

genuine in their desire to spread<br />

the message of the importance of<br />

a balanced approach to wellbeing.<br />

What makes this festival so<br />

special? Live Well was founded<br />

on the ethos that a healthy mind<br />

is just as important as a healthy<br />

body, and focusing on emotional<br />

wellbeing as much as physical<br />

wellbeing is key. We believe that<br />

wellness is unique to each of us,<br />

and that’s why it’s important for<br />

people to be able to make their<br />

own informed wellbeing choices –<br />

based on trying out what works for<br />

them, and learning from credited<br />

experts and evidence-based<br />

brands.<br />

What makes the festival really<br />

special, is all the people who<br />

contribute – we’re passionate<br />

about a balanced approach<br />

to wellbeing, and have a<br />

special interest in creating a<br />

happy, welcoming, inclusive<br />

environment.<br />

‘Wellness’ can sometimes<br />

be seen as a privilege – how<br />

does Live Well London address<br />

that? We feel that wellbeing<br />

should be accessible to all, not<br />

a luxury. We’ve priced tickets


Event images | Live Well Events<br />

to be affordable, and there are<br />

no hidden costs or extras for<br />

booking on to classes. We have<br />

more than 130 classes across<br />

yoga, meditation, pilates, fitness,<br />

mindfulness, and the Boutique<br />

studio sessions, plus a packed<br />

programme of daily talks and<br />

workshops in the Knowledge Hub<br />

and Live Kitchen – all included in<br />

the ticket price.<br />

And you can absolutely come<br />

as you are! You don’t need to feel<br />

like you have all the latest kit, or<br />

be gym-ready and well-practised<br />

in the moves, to join us. If you’re<br />

not into classes, come along to<br />

the talks, have a mindful cocktail,<br />

relax and chill out in The Retreat,<br />

while trying something new like a<br />

Sound Gong Bath. There really is<br />

something for everyone.<br />

What has working on the festival<br />

taught you? Being so entrenched<br />

in this industry, you are constantly<br />

reading and hearing about new<br />

ways to look after yourself, both<br />

physically and mentally – but I<br />

think if I had to narrow it down<br />

to just one thing, it would be the<br />

importance of credibility in the<br />

wellness industry. There are so<br />

many new brands popping up,<br />

and new advice coming out, so it’s<br />

important to make sure you source<br />

your information from credible<br />

experts and brands.<br />

What principles will you be<br />

living well by in <strong>2020</strong>? It’s<br />

important when looking at<br />

starting a new year that any<br />

Founder<br />

Sam Willoughby<br />

We’re passionate<br />

about a balanced<br />

approach to<br />

wellbeing, and have<br />

a special interest in<br />

creating a happy,<br />

welcoming, inclusive<br />

environment<br />

principles or personal pledges<br />

must be sustainable, achievable,<br />

and something that can be<br />

continued across the year. It<br />

can be something small, like<br />

remembering to step back and<br />

take a breath every now and again,<br />

or trying to commit to taking a<br />

small amount of physical activity<br />

every day to support mental<br />

health.<br />

I’ll also be taking more time<br />

to be kind to others, as well as<br />

remembering to be kind to myself<br />

– especially as we head into the<br />

last few busy weeks before the<br />

festival!<br />

Live Well London takes place<br />

from 28 <strong>February</strong> to 1 March<br />

at Old Billingsgate, London,<br />

with speakers including<br />

psychologist Kimberley Wilson,<br />

sportsperson Jonny Wilkinson<br />

CBE, and the unstoppable<br />

Dame Kelly Holmes. Visit<br />

livewelllondon.com and use<br />

the code Happy15 for 15% off<br />

tickets (excluding VIP).


Book<br />

Review<br />

Craving a<br />

creative career?<br />

From messy workspaces to unique challenges faced by<br />

creatives, in her latest book, author Sheila Chandra takes<br />

readers by the hand and helps put them on the path to success<br />

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford<br />

As a creative<br />

person, I’d<br />

be the first<br />

to admit<br />

that I’m not<br />

exactly great when it<br />

comes to organisation.<br />

Planning? Sure, that I<br />

can do, no problem. But<br />

my haphazard home<br />

and office desk spaces<br />

alone are enough to<br />

hint at just how chaotic<br />

things get when I’m in<br />

the zone with a writing<br />

or research binge.<br />

Like many creatives,<br />

I want to focus on the<br />

thing I’m passionate<br />

about – which can leave<br />

some of the important<br />

details parked in that<br />

precarious ‘I’ll get to<br />

it later’ pile that never<br />

seems to get done.<br />

From the best-selling<br />

author of Banish Clutter<br />

Forever, Sheila Chandra’s<br />

latest book, Organizing<br />

Your Creative Career,<br />

looks to challenge the<br />

idea that creatives need<br />

to be messy in order to<br />

create. Tackling all of the<br />

big challenges around<br />

being a creative who is<br />

looking to channel their<br />

passion into a career –<br />

from disorganisation to<br />

how to actually monetise<br />

what you do, personal<br />

branding, creative<br />

wellbeing, and support<br />

systems – Chandra<br />

talks readers through<br />

everything they need to<br />

know about launching,<br />

maintaining, and<br />

elevating their creative<br />

career.<br />

OWNING YOUR<br />

CREATIVE SPACE<br />

Having a home office<br />

sounds great in theory,<br />

but in practice? Our<br />

personal creative<br />

spaces can tend to<br />

get a little out of<br />

hand. While Chandra<br />

focuses specifically on<br />

artistic creative spaces,<br />

her advice is widely<br />

applicable for those<br />

from any creative field<br />

who struggle to tame<br />

their administrative<br />

tasks and create some<br />

form of order.<br />

If you’re looking for<br />

a prescriptive how-to,<br />

Organizing Your Creative<br />

Career offers some solid<br />

foundations across the<br />

board to help you get<br />

started, and elevate<br />

your career to the<br />

next level. While the<br />

advice shared is solid,<br />

if you have had an<br />

introduction to other<br />

organising self-help<br />

books or life coaching<br />

sessions, it can feel<br />

a little basic. Firmly<br />

focusing on a particular<br />

type of creative (one<br />

that often relies on<br />

visual reminders), if<br />

you don’t fit within this<br />

mould, the advice may<br />

not feel as relevant.


In many areas, the<br />

advice feels more<br />

tailored for those with<br />

a freelance creative<br />

career, rather than<br />

those following a<br />

creative career path<br />

within a business.<br />

Blending together<br />

work and life advice on<br />

managing things like<br />

your master to-do list,<br />

while this can be helpful<br />

for some, it can err on<br />

the side of too much<br />

detail in some places.<br />

BALANCING<br />

CREATIVITY AND<br />

WELLBEING<br />

Looking at both<br />

personal and career<br />

wellbeing, nearly two<br />

thirds of the book is<br />

dedicated to focusing<br />

on your headspace, over<br />

your physical creative<br />

space. Perfect for those<br />

who feel like they have<br />

a handle on the physical<br />

side of organisation,<br />

Chandra dives into the<br />

complexities that can<br />

cause confusion, or feel<br />

like they are weighing<br />

you down.<br />

Some generalisations,<br />

such as separating<br />

what works efficiently<br />

for creative people<br />

compared to ‘everyone<br />

else’, can feel a little<br />

frustrating, however if<br />

you do fit within this<br />

general ‘creative’ mould,<br />

the advice is sound.<br />

Offering advice on<br />

productivity, efficiency,<br />

balance, organisation,<br />

strategising, and more,<br />

sections are broken<br />

up neatly and cleanly,<br />

making it easy for<br />

readers to skim and find<br />

the sections that will<br />

most likely help them.<br />

One particularly useful<br />

section focuses on the<br />

importance of saying<br />

no. Something many<br />

of us struggle with, no<br />

matter what our role,<br />

the author delves into<br />

the personal cost that<br />

can come from our<br />

inability to put ourselves<br />

first, highlight when<br />

our skillset may not be<br />

the best fit for a task,<br />

and the benefits we<br />

can reap when we do<br />

allow ourselves to better<br />

police our time.<br />

SHOULD I BUY IT?<br />

If you’re a creative<br />

person who struggles<br />

to balance your<br />

workload outside of<br />

the creative process<br />

itself, Organizing Your<br />

Creative Career offers a<br />

great starting point. If<br />

you aren’t considering<br />

a more freelance form<br />

of career progression,<br />

or if you’ve already read<br />

other career-related<br />

organisation books, it<br />

may be worth trying<br />

something a little more<br />

personalised and indepth,<br />

such as working<br />

with a creative or career<br />

coach.<br />

Organizing Your<br />

Creative Career: How<br />

to Channel Your<br />

Creativity into Career<br />

Success<br />

By Sheila Chandra<br />

(Watkins)<br />

If you liked this, you’ll love...<br />

I’m the Boss of Me<br />

By Jeanne<br />

Beliveau-Dunn<br />

The must-read guide to<br />

owning your career. Sharing<br />

career-building lessons,<br />

strategies and tactics, with<br />

stories of courage, resistance,<br />

and persistence.<br />

What Color is Your<br />

Parachute? <strong>2020</strong><br />

By Richard N Bolles<br />

A practical manual for<br />

those looking to make a<br />

career change. Filled with<br />

support, encouragement,<br />

and advice on job-hunting<br />

strategies that work.<br />

Must<br />

Reads<br />

So Good They<br />

Can’t Ignore You<br />

By Cal Newport<br />

Focusing on why skills trump<br />

passion in your quest for<br />

work you love, Cal helps<br />

readers discover how to<br />

channel what they naturally<br />

excel at into a career.<br />

Great for…<br />

• Disorganised<br />

creatives looking<br />

for direction<br />

• Anyone<br />

experiencing a<br />

career slump<br />

• Those looking to<br />

launch their own<br />

creative brand or<br />

career


Remap:<br />

lightening the load<br />

When you really think about it, after our basic needs are taken care of, it’s<br />

the little things in life that make all the difference to our wellbeing. From<br />

mobility solutions to quick-fixes, Remap is the charity that pairs volunteer<br />

engineers with disabled people, to create solutions to obstacles both big<br />

and small, so they can continue to live life to the fullest<br />

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler<br />

I<br />

often think of us more like a<br />

dating agency than anything<br />

else,” says David Martin, CEO<br />

of Remap.<br />

But this isn’t a ‘try your luck<br />

on a swipe-right’ kind of deal, the<br />

matchmaking that David is talking<br />

about is between highly-skilled<br />

volunteer engineers and the<br />

people who need their help.<br />

Founded in 1964 by Pat Johnson,<br />

an engineer whose first project<br />

was an electric hoist to give his<br />

sister more independence in her<br />

home, Remap (Rehabilitation<br />

Engineering Movement Advisory<br />

Panel) is about pairing up skilled<br />

engineers with people who have<br />

needs that cannot be solved by<br />

commercially available products.<br />

Today, Remap covers the<br />

whole of the UK, completing<br />

an astonishing 3,500 projects<br />

every year with the help of 900<br />

volunteers. Here, David, along<br />

with a Remap volunteer and<br />

beneficiary, gives us the low-down<br />

on the ins and outs of the charity.<br />

“<br />

THE BLUEPRINTS<br />

David continues. “The volunteer<br />

In practical terms, the way Remap gets the opportunity to meet the<br />

works is, firstly, people get in person who has this challenge,<br />

touch to explain what their need understand what they want, design<br />

is. The central office passes the something, take them a prototype,<br />

request on to local groups, that make it... They get to see the whole<br />

assign cases to volunteers whose cycle from designing something<br />

skills are best suited to the project. to seeing it used, and that’s hugely<br />

“Our only requirement is that satisfying for people.”<br />

you’ve checked to see if this is<br />

As David sees it, the process<br />

already out there,” David adds. is a partnership between the<br />

“Because we’re here to fill the volunteers and the beneficiary,<br />

gap where something isn’t<br />

often providing a place for<br />

commercially available.”<br />

collaboration where both can<br />

Beyond that, the projects Remap throw out ideas to solve problems<br />

takes on vary between mobility in innovative ways.<br />

solutions and electronics, to the<br />

simple things that enhance our AT YOUR SERVICE<br />

wellbeing in immeasurable ways. In his role as CEO, every week<br />

From wheelchair turntables in David sees what he describes as<br />

tight corridors, to customised endlessly interesting, challenging,<br />

stepladders and voice amplifiers, and remarkable stories.<br />

no job is too big, or too small.<br />

“As the challenges come in<br />

“What’s so nice about the process I’m left thinking, ‘I wonder how<br />

is that there are opportunities for they’re going to solve that one.’<br />

different people to use their skills And then you see the photos or<br />

in different ways – because we a video and think, ‘Oh, that’s a<br />

get asked about so many things,” cracking solution!’” he says. >>><br />

82 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Linda’s piano<br />

Linda is an accomplished singing and piano teacher but, following treatment<br />

for breast cancer, she found that she was unable to support her left arm<br />

enough to play. With the help of a Remap volunteer, Linda had a rail fitted to<br />

the front of her piano to allow a wrist support to slide silently up and down.<br />

Immediately, Linda was able to enjoy her hobby and continue teaching.<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 83


‘It in no way interferes<br />

in his enjoyment, but<br />

it gives them that<br />

reassurance’<br />

Tom’s trike<br />

“Tom’s a lad who has a three-wheeled trike which he uses for exercise,” says David.<br />

“His parents got him this trike so he could burn up all the energy he’s got. But the<br />

problem was that he just sped away and they couldn’t keep up with him. What they<br />

needed was something that meant they could keep going with him, and also have an<br />

emergency brake.<br />

“So our volunteer built a kind-of buggy board that goes on the back. Mum or dad<br />

rides behind him – he does all the work, but they can help and they have a brake. It in<br />

no way interferes with his enjoyment, but it gives them that reassurance.”<br />

James’ vocal cord paralysis<br />

means he can only speak<br />

quietly. With his voice<br />

amplifier, he can now be<br />

heard loud and clear!<br />

Margaux’s dwarfism comes with<br />

challenges. But her custom step<br />

gives her the same independence<br />

as other children<br />

84 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


Brian is one such beneficiary of<br />

the simple fixes Remap creates.<br />

Having played bass guitar since<br />

2000, Brian’s deteriorating<br />

condition meant that it became<br />

increasingly difficult for him to<br />

continue enjoying his instrument.<br />

In order to keep up his much-loved<br />

hobby, Brian needed something<br />

that would take the weight of the<br />

guitar off of his spine.<br />

Brian had heard about the work<br />

that Remap do, and so he reached<br />

out with his problem. This is where<br />

Paul came in.<br />

A Remap volunteer for two years,<br />

Paul first got involved with the<br />

charity to give something back<br />

to his community. When Brian’s<br />

dilemma was presented to Paul’s<br />

Remap group, he knew it was<br />

something he could help with.<br />

“I went over to Brian, had a<br />

look at the problem, took some<br />

measurements, and then came up<br />

with a design,” Paul explains. Over<br />

a fortnight, he crafted a custom-fit<br />

guitar stand, that would support<br />

Brian’s bass while he played.<br />

“I went back, it all fitted perfectly<br />

and it worked first time – which<br />

doesn’t normally happen!” Paul<br />

adds. “Brian takes the armrests off<br />

the wheelchair. There’s a socket<br />

where the chair arms go in, and the<br />

guitar rest has brackets that fix into<br />

that slot – it’s all fully adjustable.”<br />

Brian was delighted with the<br />

bracket, which he says renewed his<br />

love for the instrument.<br />

“On the feel-good factor, it’s<br />

quite an important thing for me<br />

to be able to participate in, and<br />

play, music,” Brian explains. “This<br />

bracket has taken all the weight<br />

off my shoulders and I’m playing<br />

the guitar again – I’d even say it’s<br />

improved my playing.”<br />

Brian can now<br />

enjoy his hobby<br />

without limits<br />

LAYING FOUNDATIONS<br />

Brian knows all too well the<br />

impact that being physically<br />

limited can have on your<br />

mental health.<br />

“You have this little zone which<br />

you know you can do things in,<br />

and if things in that zone become<br />

incredibly difficult it’s even<br />

worse, because you feel as though<br />

you’re becoming more and more<br />

restricted,” he explains.<br />

For Brian, taking back control<br />

of something that brought him so<br />

much joy has had a huge impact<br />

on his wellbeing, in a way that he<br />

believes can often be overlooked.<br />

“Clinically, the NHS has supplied<br />

me a chair and that’s the big<br />

picture. But once you’ve got the<br />

big picture solved, to really feel<br />

the benefit, it’s the small things<br />

that matter.”<br />

This is something David sees<br />

regularly through Remap’s work.<br />

“With the medical professionals,<br />

someone will ask: ‘Can you get<br />

yourself in and out of bed?’, ‘Can<br />

you make a cup of tea?’ It’s a list<br />

of things to tick off and then on to<br />

the next person,” David explains.<br />

“But what gets missed is: ‘What’s<br />

your passion in life? What do you<br />

love doing? And can you do that?’<br />

“For anybody, to not be able<br />

to do the thing that you’re in<br />

to is a big downer in your life.<br />

But if you already have a big<br />

restriction, it becomes even<br />

more important that you have<br />

some way to express yourself.”<br />

JOB DONE<br />

We all deserve to live in an<br />

accessible world where we<br />

can move and our enjoy our<br />

hobbies, unrestricted. There<br />

is so much joy to be found in<br />

the small things in life. From<br />

making music, like Brian, to<br />

the countless other remarkable<br />

fixes that engineers have<br />

created over the years – Remap<br />

is the charity that picks up on<br />

the things that can easily slip<br />

down the priority list, and<br />

bumps them to the top.<br />

Powered by the generosity and<br />

aptitude of volunteers, things<br />

that begin life as dreams are<br />

turned into reality, and so often<br />

it’s a life-enhancing process for<br />

all involved.<br />

To find out more and to donate,<br />

visit remap.org.uk<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 85


Photography | Naitian Tony Wang<br />

“<br />

When admiring other people's<br />

gardens, don't forget to tend to<br />

your own f lowers<br />

– SANOBER KHAN


TRUE LIFE<br />

From client<br />

to counsellor<br />

Creativity had always helped Nicola Vanlint to thrive,<br />

until panic attacks ground her world to a halt. But<br />

now she’s combining her experiences to live her best<br />

life, and support others on their journeys, too<br />

Writing | Nicola Vanlint<br />

I<br />

loved my career<br />

as a fashion<br />

stylist – being<br />

creative, meeting<br />

new people, and<br />

travelling the world – until<br />

one day I experienced<br />

the horror of a panic<br />

attack, and my whole life<br />

changed...<br />

Growing up, I enjoyed<br />

primary school as I<br />

had the freedom to be<br />

creative, but when things<br />

became more academic in<br />

secondary school, that all<br />

changed. At the time I was<br />

unaware of my dyslexia,<br />

and thought that I was just<br />

stupid. When I left school<br />

in 1990, I came away with<br />

no qualifications.<br />

I worked in retail and<br />

customer services for a<br />

few years, until I was made<br />

redundant. I didn’t know<br />

what to do next, until I<br />

saw a job advertised for a<br />

part-time window dresser.<br />

Even the interview was<br />

fun, as I got to go around<br />

the store and gather items<br />

for a window display. I was<br />

offered a full-time position<br />

in their flagship store in<br />

Marble Arch and was over<br />

the moon – I still look<br />

back at that job with fond<br />

memories.<br />

Through my colleagues<br />

in the press office and PR,<br />

I first heard about fashion<br />

styling. I was excited that<br />

you could have a career<br />

in dressing people rather<br />

than mannequins, so I<br />

contacted some fashion<br />

stylists and offered to<br />

be their assistant on<br />

weekends.<br />

From collecting and<br />

returning clothes to<br />

PR companies, I then<br />

began assisting on some<br />

photoshoots. On these<br />

shoots the photographers<br />

always had assistants,<br />

like myself, who wanted<br />

to build a portfolio of<br />

work – in those days<br />

a qualification wasn’t<br />

required but a portfolio<br />

was. I started to do ‘test<br />

shoots’ where assistant<br />

stylists, make-up artists,<br />

photographers and<br />

budding models got<br />

together to create images<br />

for their portfolios.<br />

There, in 1998, my career<br />

began; I thought I was set<br />

up for a dazzling life in<br />

fashion for the rest of my<br />

career. Until one day that<br />

all changed.<br />

I was shopping with my<br />

fiancé, which resulted in a<br />

minor disagreement about<br />

what to buy. Not only was<br />

my reaction to him totally<br />

disproportionate to the<br />

event, but suddenly I felt<br />

like I couldn’t breathe,<br />

the world was closing in<br />

on me, I was dizzy and<br />

couldn’t see properly – I<br />

was even foaming at the<br />

mouth. I managed to<br />

get back to the car and<br />

collapsed on the floor,<br />

completely terrified and<br />

confused. I knew I had<br />

to make an appointment<br />

with my doctor, who<br />

advised me to talk to<br />

someone at Mindline – a<br />

helpline in south east<br />

London.<br />

Like my initial<br />

unawareness of styling,<br />

counselling was a<br />

complete unknown to<br />

me. I didn’t know anyone<br />

who’d had counselling,<br />

and couldn’t understand<br />

how simply talking to<br />

someone was going to stop<br />

these horrendous attacks. >>><br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 87


Find out more about Nicola by<br />

visiting nicolavanlint.co.uk<br />

I felt like I couldn’t breathe,<br />

the world was closing in on<br />

me, I was dizzy and couldn’t<br />

see properly<br />

Unlike now on the NHS,<br />

where you might wait<br />

months, this was 2002 and<br />

I was lucky that I only had<br />

to wait a couple of weeks<br />

for an appointment –<br />

although they were some<br />

of the hardest weeks of<br />

my life. The panic attacks<br />

continued, I became quite<br />

depressed, and had to<br />

cancel work as I didn’t<br />

want to leave the house. I<br />

was unable to live my dayto-day<br />

life through fear.<br />

I attended counselling<br />

once a week, which,<br />

despite my apprehension,<br />

actually started to help.<br />

I was able to discuss my<br />

fears and thoughts openly,<br />

without being judged. I<br />

started speaking about my<br />

childhood and past. How<br />

my dad neglected me, my<br />

nan, who had been my<br />

main carer at the time due<br />

to my mum having to work<br />

all hours, died suddenly<br />

when I was eight years old.<br />

My early teenage years<br />

involved physical and<br />

emotional bullying, and<br />

during my late teens I was<br />

in a violent relationship.<br />

I now know that these<br />

experiences are classed<br />

in psychological terms as<br />

small ‘t’ traumas, and an<br />

accumulation of these,<br />

especially in childhood,<br />

can lead to post traumatic<br />

stress disorder (PTSD),<br />

which can manifest in later<br />

life through panic attacks.<br />

Small ‘t’ traumas are<br />

highly distressing events<br />

that affect us on a personal<br />

level, causing disruption<br />

in emotional functioning,<br />

which we may not even be<br />

aware of until later in life.<br />

These distressing events<br />

are not inherently life<br />

threatening, but can cause<br />

an overwhelming amount<br />

of stess that exceeds our<br />

ability to cope, or integrate<br />

the emotions involved with<br />

that experience.<br />

I started to build my<br />

confidence back up<br />

through journalling and<br />

therapy, but I was still<br />

unable to go on jobs abroad,<br />

or be in large crowds. I had<br />

to give up my career as a<br />

stylist because I couldn’t<br />

attend the shoots, and took a<br />

local admin job instead.<br />

My counsellor suggested<br />

I go on a self-awareness<br />

counselling course, and<br />

that is where my journey to<br />

become a counsellor began.<br />

I was intrigued as to how<br />

my suppressed emotions<br />

had manifested and erupted<br />

at a time when I felt most<br />

settled in my life.<br />

I’ve always been interested<br />

in how the mind works,<br />

but never pursued it due<br />

to my struggles at school<br />

88 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>


I was intrigued as to<br />

how my suppressed<br />

emotions had<br />

manifested and<br />

erupted at a time<br />

when I felt most<br />

settled in my life<br />

– it wasn’t until I actually<br />

attended college that my<br />

dyslexia was diagnosed,<br />

with help from a very<br />

supportive tutor. During<br />

the course I developed<br />

severe psoriasis all over<br />

my lower body and in<br />

my hair. The psoriasis,<br />

like the panic attacks,<br />

was a symptom of my<br />

suppressed emotions.<br />

To gain experience as<br />

a therapist, I returned<br />

to Mind as a volunteer. I<br />

went on to become a crisis<br />

counsellor with them,<br />

and then set up my own<br />

private practice in 2010.<br />

My personal experience<br />

has shaped my way of<br />

working as a therapist,<br />

and I still like to see my<br />

work as being creative –<br />

counselling is like fashion<br />

and one style of therapy<br />

may not suit all.<br />

Unknown to me at the<br />

time, my performance in<br />

my career was affected<br />

by the little ‘t’ traumas I<br />

experienced in childhood,<br />

and held on to in my<br />

body. I learnt that our<br />

mental health affects our<br />

performance in every<br />

aspect of our lives –<br />

including our career.<br />

In working this<br />

way, I came to notice<br />

that in addition to a<br />

client’s improvement<br />

in mental wellbeing,<br />

their performance and<br />

productivity at work<br />

increased. This has led<br />

me to offer performance<br />

therapy to sports people,<br />

and workshops within<br />

organisations on how<br />

to perform better in all<br />

aspects of life.<br />

Although counselling is a<br />

collaborative and creative<br />

process, I realised that<br />

when I stopped working<br />

as a stylist, that creative<br />

part of me had gone<br />

stagnant. I started to look<br />

at the psychology of the<br />

creative process, and how<br />

this affects our wellbeing,<br />

and found studies<br />

showing that artistic<br />

self-expression might<br />

contribute to maintenance<br />

or reconstruction of a<br />

positive identity.<br />

I have come to realise<br />

that for my own wellbeing<br />

I have needed, and still<br />

need, to be creative –<br />

whether it’s through<br />

changing my hair colour,<br />

my clothes, making<br />

greeting cards, taking<br />

photos, gardening or<br />

home interior projects.<br />

The latter creative<br />

activities also help my<br />

stress levels, as I am being<br />

mindful in the process.<br />

It’s been a journey to get<br />

to this point, and I will<br />

always be aware of how<br />

my past, the dyslexia,<br />

panic attacks, and<br />

counselling have formed<br />

my life to be what it is<br />

today. No matter what<br />

path my life takes in the<br />

future, I know that I need<br />

to continue to tap into<br />

my creativity, and selfexpression,<br />

for my mental<br />

health and wellbeing.<br />

OUR EXPERT SAYS<br />

Nicola’s inspiring journey<br />

highlights how our life<br />

experience is truly with<br />

us forever, and if we do<br />

not have opportunity to<br />

explore such difficulties<br />

that we have experienced,<br />

they can impact our lives<br />

negatively in the future –<br />

and in her case manifest<br />

as severe panic attacks.<br />

Nicola courageously<br />

explored what was<br />

happening for her, to<br />

understand and also<br />

grow, via the process of<br />

counselling. Thankfully,<br />

Nicola was able to navigate<br />

her way through her<br />

trauma to a place where<br />

she now draws upon<br />

her experience<br />

as a source<br />

of strength,<br />

determination<br />

and positive<br />

energy.<br />

Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)<br />

Counsellor and psychotherapist<br />

<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 89


Mental health<br />

matters<br />

Lucy Sheridan, the first and only comparison<br />

coach, knows what it’s like to feel to be crippled<br />

by self-doubt. Now, it’s her mission to help<br />

people all over the world to break free from the<br />

comparison trap. Here, she opens up about her<br />

own experience, and shares words of advice...<br />

Follow @lucysheridan<br />

on Instagram and Twitter<br />

Mental health matters to me<br />

because… it colours every part<br />

of my life. More and more,<br />

people are feeling safe to discuss<br />

their experiences, and realising<br />

that we don’t have to wait until<br />

things feel unbearable before<br />

recognising we need support.<br />

I’d like to see things progress<br />

to the point where we express<br />

our mental health as freely as we<br />

do with physical health, and are<br />

met with the same compassion,<br />

understanding, and empathy.<br />

When I need some self-care, I…<br />

take myself offline and retreat<br />

from the world for a few days.<br />

The best lesson I’ve learned in<br />

life is… the timing will always<br />

be perfect. Setting goals is great<br />

for our focus, but sometimes,<br />

no matter how committed we<br />

are, things don’t work out as<br />

planned. The tendency is to let<br />

self-doubt creep in, and yet often<br />

the progress we seek is unfolding<br />

as it needs to. Years ago, I was<br />

unhappy in my job, but expected<br />

that it might be a few years<br />

before I could leave. Suddenly big<br />

changes came in at the company,<br />

and I ended up leaving within<br />

a few months! Although I felt<br />

worried and unprepared, it was<br />

just the push I needed.<br />

Three things I would say to<br />

someone experiencing mental<br />

ill-health are… to share how<br />

you’re feeling with someone that<br />

you trust. It’s OK to seek therapy<br />

– we each deserve to heal. Take<br />

time out from the internet – the<br />

stimulus rarely helps when we<br />

are not feeling ourselves.<br />

The moment I felt most proud of<br />

myself was… a couple of months<br />

ago, when I created a new course<br />

– after too much time thinking<br />

about it – called The Good<br />

Gram, that taught social media<br />

confidence and strategy. Seeing<br />

it out in the world was a big<br />

moment that highlighted to me<br />

what I can do when I set my mind<br />

to it. It silenced the inner critic<br />

that had dominated my thoughts<br />

for too long.<br />

Being a comparison coach has<br />

taught me is... there is always<br />

more work to do, and I’ll continue<br />

to be a prime case study.<br />

‘The Comparison<br />

Cure’ by Lucy<br />

Sheridan is out<br />

now (Orion<br />

Spring, £14.99)<br />

The main thing I want people to<br />

know about the comparison trap<br />

is… it will take a while to free<br />

yourself, but if you stick at it you<br />

can and will. There isn’t a switch<br />

to flick, rather it’s a process we<br />

can tailor to our own needs. It’s<br />

so important to have an open<br />

mind and set new standards for<br />

yourself. I used to feel constantly<br />

in comparison, and it was like a<br />

dull ache that permeated my life.<br />

I still compare myself, but today<br />

those episodes are short-lived<br />

and spread out, which feels like<br />

great progress.<br />

When I’m lacking motivation I…<br />

check what day of my cycle I’m<br />

on... When I have PMT I know<br />

I need to listen to my body and<br />

rest rather than bully myself into<br />

being productive. At other times<br />

when I need a boost, I look at my<br />

vision board to remind myself<br />

what rewards are in store if I stay<br />

the course!


Photography | Christian Buehner<br />

“<br />

By being yourself, you put<br />

something wonderful in the<br />

world that was not there before<br />

– EDWIN ELLIOT<br />

December 2018 • happiful • 91


We’ve helped more than<br />

1 Million<br />

people connect with a therapist<br />

using Counselling Directory<br />

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