Happiful February 2020
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DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH<br />
LOVE ON<br />
THE LINE<br />
Expert insight to build<br />
lasting connections<br />
HAPPIFUL.COM | FEB <strong>2020</strong> £4.00<br />
Meghan<br />
TraInor<br />
Her mind. Her soul.<br />
Her voice.<br />
Break-up with<br />
bad habits<br />
Slay your smoking<br />
addiction – you've<br />
got this!<br />
Fight the fear<br />
Overcome first<br />
day anxiety<br />
Like a boss!<br />
IGNITE YOUR<br />
PASSION<br />
It's time to rekindle your<br />
creative spark<br />
PLUS<br />
Tess Daly<br />
Tom Kerridge<br />
Dr Rangan Chatterjee<br />
9 772514 373000<br />
02<br />
HAPPIFUL.COM
Photography | Jennifer Bedoya<br />
“<br />
Loving ourselves works<br />
miracles in our lives<br />
– LOUISE L HAY
Heart to heart<br />
As the incredible RuPaul often<br />
says: “If you can’t love yourself,<br />
how in the hell are you gonna love<br />
somebody else?”<br />
This issue really captures the spirit<br />
of that sentiment. So often we can<br />
look outwards at all the things we<br />
want in life, and worry about how<br />
we’re going to get there – whether<br />
that’s with our relationships, careers,<br />
personal lives, or goals. But so often,<br />
by nurturing your truest self, all the<br />
rest will fall into place.<br />
her to redefine the industry, and<br />
represent disabilities in mainstream<br />
society.<br />
We never know what that focus<br />
on ourselves can achieve. You<br />
may find the things that once<br />
seemed so important, actually<br />
fall by the wayside, and new<br />
dreams take root.<br />
Our <strong>February</strong> cover star Meghan<br />
Trainor knows this all too well. After<br />
fearing she'd never sing again<br />
following two operations on her<br />
vocal cords, and living with panic<br />
attacks and anxiety, she's learnt<br />
how vital it is to work on loving<br />
herself every day – and seen that<br />
positivity then spread throughout<br />
her life.<br />
We also hear from the brilliant Dr<br />
Rangan Chatterjee on how just<br />
five minutes can make a world of<br />
difference to our wellbeing, and<br />
Tess Daly, the beauty blogger<br />
whose passion is now helping<br />
It’s about allowing yourself the time<br />
and space to understand yourself,<br />
your needs, and values – and to<br />
cherish that person. It’s not always<br />
a linear journey, and there’ll be<br />
days when your confidence feels<br />
rattled, but day by day, that inner<br />
love can and will build.<br />
Let’s vow to start<br />
sowing the seeds<br />
today.<br />
REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR<br />
| happiful.com<br />
| happifulhq<br />
| @happifulhq<br />
| @happiful_magazine
24<br />
The Uplift<br />
8 In the news<br />
13 The wellbeing wrap<br />
14 What's 'white coat syndrome'?<br />
Sweaty palms and raised blood pressure?<br />
These could be signs of a fear of the doc<br />
82 Engineering dreams<br />
Meet the volunteer engineers creating<br />
custom-built items to transform disabled<br />
people's lives<br />
Features<br />
16 Meghan Trainor<br />
The singer-songwriter opens up about her<br />
severe anxiety and panic attacks, and how<br />
she discovered self-love<br />
74<br />
31 Dr Chatterjee<br />
The UK's favourite GP shares the secrets<br />
to feeling better in just five minutes<br />
34 Financial fears<br />
Cash in on these tips for taking back<br />
control of your money<br />
51 Head to toe<br />
Our mental health can easily be affected<br />
by physical health, but how can what's<br />
going on our mind affect our bodies?<br />
70<br />
Life Stories<br />
39 Kerry: Starting over again<br />
Years of set-backs and pretending that<br />
everything was 'fine' left Kerry in the<br />
pits of depression. But just when she<br />
thought everything was lost, she found<br />
the strength to take back control<br />
57 Dan: A blessing in disguise<br />
A breakdown while he was in Italy took<br />
Dan down paths he could never have<br />
predicted. Eventually, after recovery, he<br />
found a new purpose and now spreads<br />
his message as a mental health activist<br />
87 Nicola: From the other side<br />
Nicola was living her life to its fullest<br />
until she experienced her first panic<br />
attack, and everything changed. In hard<br />
times, she found solace in therapy,<br />
and today gives back as a qualified<br />
counsellor herself<br />
Food & Drink<br />
64 Smoothies for days<br />
Kick off your mornings with these<br />
vitamin-boosting smoothies<br />
66 Tom Kerridge<br />
The Michelin-starred chef on cooking<br />
up a storm and finding balance<br />
Lifestyle and<br />
Relationships<br />
27 Self-dating ideas<br />
28 Treating trauma<br />
Grace Victory pens a personal piece on<br />
living with PTSD<br />
47 Stub out smoking<br />
Follow these tips from a hynotherapist on<br />
kicking the habit for good<br />
70 Tess Daly<br />
The beauty blogger on using her platform<br />
to be a role model for disabled people
66<br />
16<br />
Culture<br />
42 Things to do in <strong>February</strong><br />
54 Getting real with Reiki<br />
What really happens in the therapy room?<br />
63 Embrace mindfulness<br />
A quick and easy guide to welcoming<br />
mindfulness into your day<br />
74 Ask the experts: counselling<br />
Thinking about counselling? Here's what<br />
you can expect from a session<br />
80 Creative minds<br />
In her latest book, Sheila Chandra turns<br />
creative chaos into a thriving career<br />
90 Quickfire: MH matters<br />
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82<br />
<strong>Happiful</strong> Hacks<br />
24 Build a healthy relationship<br />
44 Carve out time for creativity<br />
60 Shelve shopping addiction<br />
76 Overcome first day anxiety<br />
OUR PLEDGE<br />
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EXPERT PANEL<br />
Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver<br />
information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue<br />
ANNABEL GILES<br />
Dip Couns Reg BACP<br />
Annabel is a humanisticintegrative<br />
counsellor and<br />
TV presenter.<br />
LINDSAY GEORGE<br />
MA Dip RGN MBACP (Accred)<br />
Lindsay is an integrative<br />
counsellor and psychotherapist,<br />
as well as a trained nurse.<br />
JOHN KENNY<br />
NLP MBACP<br />
John is a transformational<br />
relationship coach helping<br />
couples and individuals.<br />
PAULA COLES<br />
BA MEd (Psych) PGCE BACP Reg<br />
Paula is a psychotherapist<br />
and clinical supervisor<br />
with 25 years' experience.<br />
OUR TEAM<br />
EDITORIAL<br />
Rebecca Thair | Editor<br />
Kathryn Wheeler | Staff Writer<br />
Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant<br />
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor<br />
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor<br />
Grace Victory | Columnist<br />
Ellen Hoggard | Web Editor<br />
Bonnie Evie Gifford | Contributing Writer<br />
Kat Nicholls | Contributing Writer<br />
Becky Wright | Contributing Writer<br />
ART & DESIGN<br />
Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director<br />
Charlotte Reynell | Graphic Designer<br />
Rosan Magar | Illustrator<br />
RACHEL COFFEY<br />
BA MA NLP Mstr<br />
Rachel is a life coach<br />
encouraging confidence<br />
and motivation.<br />
RAV SEKHON<br />
GRAEME ORR<br />
MBACP (Accred) BACP Reg Ind<br />
Graeme is a counsellor<br />
working with both<br />
individuals and couples.<br />
WENDY GREGORY<br />
CONTRIBUTORS<br />
Gemma Calvert, Lindsay George, John Kenny,<br />
Fiona Thomas, Katie Conibear, Wendy Gregory,<br />
Annabel Giles, Suzanne Baum, Caroline Butterwick,<br />
Kerry Lyons, Dan Keeley, Nicola Vanlint<br />
SPECIAL THANKS<br />
Paul Buller, Krishan Parmar, Charley McEwan, Karin<br />
Darnell, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Paula Coles,<br />
Andrew Major, Josephine Robinson<br />
BA MA MBACP (Accred)<br />
Rav is a counsellor and<br />
psychotherapist with more<br />
than 10 years' experience.<br />
MSc BSc (hons)<br />
Wendy is a counselling<br />
psychologist helping<br />
people live fulfilled lives.<br />
COMMUNICATIONS<br />
Lucy Donoughue<br />
Content and Communications<br />
lucy.donoughue@happiful.com<br />
FURTHER INFO<br />
ANDREW MAJOR<br />
HPD DSFH<br />
Andrew is a solutionfocused<br />
clinical<br />
hypnotherapist.<br />
JOSEPHINE ROBINSON<br />
DipCNM ANP<br />
Josephine is a nutritional<br />
therapist, and yoga and<br />
meditiation teacher.<br />
Alice Greedus<br />
PR Officer<br />
alice.greedus@happiful.com<br />
MANAGEMENT<br />
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder<br />
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder<br />
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder<br />
<strong>Happiful</strong><br />
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FIND HELP<br />
CRISIS SUPPORT<br />
If you are in crisis and are concerned for your<br />
own safety, call 999 or go to A&E<br />
Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email<br />
them on jo@samaritans.org<br />
Head to<br />
happiful.com<br />
for more services<br />
and support<br />
GENERAL LISTENING LINES<br />
SANEline<br />
SANEline offers support and information from 4.30pm–10.30pm:<br />
0300 304 7000<br />
Mind<br />
Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank<br />
holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk<br />
Switchboard<br />
Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm:<br />
0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt<br />
IN THIS ISSUE<br />
p16<br />
INFORMATION AND ADVICE FOR PANIC DISORDERS<br />
Discover a range of services for those with panic disorders –<br />
including one-to-one and group sessions, a befriending service,<br />
and free information – at nopanic.org.uk<br />
p28<br />
LEARN ABOUT PTSD<br />
Read others' stories about their experiences with PTSD, and find<br />
advice for friends and family members, at ptsduk.org<br />
p39<br />
SUPPORT GROUPS FOR DEPRESSION<br />
Find online groups, pen friend schemes, and tools to connect with<br />
others living with depression by visiting depressionuk.org<br />
p54<br />
FIND A COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIST NEAR YOU<br />
Learn more about complementary therapy and search for<br />
therapists in your area by visiting therapy-directory.org.uk<br />
p66<br />
SUPPORT FOR ALCOHOL ADDICTION<br />
Connect with online advisors, commit to drink-free days, and learn<br />
about tackling alcohol abuse at drinkaware.co.uk<br />
p76<br />
ADVICE ON LIVING WITH ANXIETY<br />
Find information on a range of anxiety disorders, tips and<br />
information on living with symptoms, and advice on accessing<br />
support at anxietyuk.org.uk or call their infoline on 03444 775 774
The Uplift<br />
COMMUNITY<br />
Hampshire<br />
firefighters’<br />
wellbeing blooms<br />
In a bid to improve the mental<br />
health of its firefighters, Hampshire<br />
Fire and Rescue Service (HFRS) has<br />
created two, on-site, holistic garden<br />
spaces to support staff dealing with<br />
traumatic incidents.<br />
And this innovative plan is<br />
desperately needed. In England last<br />
year, 837 firefighters took time off<br />
work due to mental health problems.<br />
But being in tranquil outdoor<br />
spaces can have an incredibly<br />
positive effect on our mental health,<br />
and so – with the support of local<br />
company Apollo Fire Detectors<br />
Ltd– the HFRS created the outdoor<br />
spaces, which feature natural<br />
landscaping and garden furniture,<br />
for staff to use to take quiet<br />
moments for themselves.<br />
The gardens, at stations in<br />
Redbridge and Havant, the latest in<br />
several moves by HFRS to support<br />
the mental health of staff, including<br />
the Trauma Risk Management<br />
scheme, which aims to support<br />
firefighters following harrowing<br />
events, and training in mental<br />
health first aid.<br />
“I am hugely proud of the strides<br />
our organisation has made in terms<br />
of raising awareness of mental<br />
health issues and supporting our<br />
colleagues,” Deputy Chief Fire<br />
Officer Steve Apter said. “These<br />
tranquil spaces show the wellbeing<br />
of our staff really is at the heart of<br />
everything we do.”<br />
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
SEX<br />
New pill could spice up your sex life<br />
Fenugreek is a herb used to flavour curries, but research<br />
suggests it could add zest in the bedroom, too<br />
A libido-boosting pill containing<br />
fenugreek has been tested on 29<br />
post-menopausal women, with<br />
results showing an increased<br />
blood flow to the genitals, and<br />
raised testosterone levels.<br />
Researchers from the Palacios’<br />
Institute of Women’s Health, in<br />
Spain, revealed that when one<br />
aspect of the participant’s sex<br />
lives improved, others followed<br />
in a ‘domino effect’.<br />
The findings could be a gamechanger<br />
for sexual wellbeing.<br />
Using a questionnaire-based<br />
Female Sexual Function Index<br />
(FSFI), which is a scale from 0 to<br />
36, anyone scoring below 26 is<br />
considered to be at risk of sexual<br />
dysfunction. Before the trial, the<br />
participants had an average score<br />
of 20 and after the trial, their score<br />
increased to 25.<br />
Dr Santiago Palacios, who led the<br />
research, said: “The administration<br />
of this product is associated with<br />
a significant increase not only<br />
in desire and arousal, but also in<br />
vaginal lubrication and orgasm.”<br />
Sounds like a great way to heat<br />
things up in the bedroom!<br />
Writing | Kat Nicholls<br />
LGBTQ+<br />
Liverpool<br />
FC supports<br />
Rainbow Laces<br />
campaign<br />
In a widely welcomed move,<br />
Liverpool FC recently joined the<br />
campaign asking sports players<br />
to wear rainbow laces to support<br />
LGBTQ+ players, and the wider<br />
community. Players in two games<br />
– one with the men’s team and<br />
another with the women’s – got<br />
involved.<br />
In addition to players wearing<br />
the laces, both team captains wore<br />
rainbow armbands to lead the show<br />
of support.<br />
But the work didn’t stop there.<br />
Laces were available for fans to<br />
buy, and the LFC Foundation – the<br />
club’s official charity – also held<br />
workshops with pupils from 16 local<br />
schools, which looked at breaking<br />
down misconceptions surrounding<br />
equality and inclusion, as well as<br />
LGBTQ+ history.<br />
The diversity and inclusion senior<br />
manager at LFC, Simon Thornton,<br />
sees this move as a positive sign of<br />
things to come.<br />
“The promotion of diversity and<br />
inclusion is something we are<br />
committed to and passionate about.<br />
From being the first Premier League<br />
club to march at a Pride parade<br />
eight years ago, to the first club<br />
to achieve the Premier League’s<br />
Advanced Equality Standard, we<br />
are continually striving to do more,<br />
work with leaders in the field to<br />
improve, and be the best we can be.”<br />
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 9
“<br />
However rare true love may be, it<br />
is less so than true friendship<br />
- FRANCOIS DE LA ROCHEFOUCAULD
FRIENDSHIP<br />
IRL connections<br />
with friends are<br />
key to happiness<br />
So many of us rely on texting,<br />
WhatsApp, and social media to stay<br />
in touch with friends – and while this<br />
is great, it doesn’t beat meeting up<br />
in real life. Speaking to Well+Good<br />
website, social-personality<br />
psychologist Dr William Chopik<br />
explained how spending time with<br />
friends in person is one of the best<br />
ways to boost overall happiness.<br />
“Friendships are really important<br />
for people’s happiness. In general,<br />
[they offer] improvements on<br />
metrics like depression and anxiety,”<br />
he said.<br />
The benefits of meeting in real<br />
life, rather than digitally, include<br />
being able to see facial expressions<br />
and picking up on their emotions.<br />
“You don’t always get that through a<br />
phone call,” Dr Chopik explains.<br />
A study from Harvard University<br />
looked into the benefits of strong<br />
relationships and agreed that time<br />
with friends can improve happiness<br />
– and even longevity. Results from<br />
the study found that meeting with<br />
friends is as beneficial to long-term<br />
health as not smoking, eating well,<br />
and getting adequate sleep.<br />
So next time you reach for your<br />
phone to message a friend, use it<br />
to set a date for an IRL catch-up<br />
instead. Writing | Kat Nicholls<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 11
Take 5<br />
Take a mindful moment to yourself with our challenging Sudoku this month.<br />
Then try a classic riddle with your friends and family – a perfect after-dinner<br />
conundrum. Get your thinking caps on!<br />
Sudoku<br />
Fill the grid with digits so that each column, each row, and each of the nine<br />
3×3 subgrids that compose the grid contain all of the digits from 1 to 9.<br />
3 7 9 5<br />
5 4 3 9<br />
7 5 4<br />
1 2 8<br />
7 3 9 8<br />
9 4 5 2 7<br />
7 1 5 4 2<br />
8 6 1 4 9 3<br />
5 7 1<br />
Riddle<br />
What eight-letter word can you remove a letter from, and it still<br />
makes a word? And then as you continue to remove one letter<br />
at a time, it can still form a full word, even when you have one<br />
letter left. What is that word? Hint: When you begin, you’ve got it<br />
How did<br />
you do? Search<br />
‘freebies' at<br />
shop.happiful.com<br />
to find the answers,<br />
and more!
Going up<br />
Dance fever<br />
According to a<br />
Japanese study,<br />
chimps have it!<br />
Flying high<br />
World’s first<br />
commericial<br />
electric plane<br />
has a successful<br />
flight<br />
Write on time!<br />
Handwriting<br />
thank you notes<br />
can boost<br />
your MH<br />
Seven hours a<br />
year – the time<br />
men apparently<br />
spend hiding<br />
from chores in<br />
bathrooms<br />
Zzz<br />
Research shows<br />
sleeping next to<br />
a snorer impacts<br />
your health<br />
Going down<br />
The<br />
wellbeing<br />
wrap<br />
Make ‘em laugh<br />
A study from Arizona<br />
State University found<br />
99% of science students<br />
appreciate a teacher<br />
with humour. Students<br />
reported that jokes reduce<br />
stress, and help improve<br />
their memory of<br />
lessons. Sounds like the<br />
formula for success.<br />
LOVE IS IN THE AIR<br />
Raising a dog together could be a great boost to<br />
couples, according to research from rover.com,<br />
where 60% of survey respondents said their romantic<br />
relationships grew ‘stronger and happier’ after<br />
getting their furry friend. The survey also revealed<br />
that 88% of people agreed that teamwork was a key<br />
factor in taking care of their new pet, and almost<br />
50% said their pooch gave them a great excuse to<br />
spend more time together. So it seems raising a pet<br />
together could be the best way to say “I ruff you”...<br />
DID YOU KNOW<br />
SEAWEED COULD<br />
SAVE THE PLANET?<br />
BY FEEDING A<br />
SPECIFIC STRAIN<br />
– ASPARAGOPSIS<br />
TAXIFORMIS – TO<br />
COWS, WE CAN<br />
DRAMATICALLY<br />
REDUCE THE METHANE<br />
PRODUCED BY THEIR<br />
FARTS AND BURPS!<br />
Climate change activism is<br />
boosting the wellbeing of<br />
youngsters, according to<br />
psychologists. While ecoanxiety<br />
may have become<br />
rife in recent years, taking a<br />
stand is helping overcome a<br />
sense of powerlessness,<br />
and in doing so,<br />
benefits people’s<br />
mental health!<br />
INNOVATION EXCELS<br />
The University Hospitals of Derby and Burton<br />
NHS Trust have become the first to introduce<br />
disposable headscarfs. Created by junior doctor<br />
Farah Roslan, the disposable hijabs allow Muslim<br />
staff to respect their faith, while avoiding passing<br />
on germs to patients. A brilliant idea, that’s just<br />
what the doctor ordered.<br />
KINDNESS<br />
OVERLOAD<br />
A six-year-old from Georgia,<br />
USA, might just have won the<br />
most heartwarming moment<br />
of the year already. Blake’s<br />
mum shared a snap of him<br />
wearing a homemade shirt<br />
saying ‘I’ll be your friend’,<br />
and revealed he requested<br />
the top to show all the kids<br />
who need friends that<br />
they’re not alone.<br />
#Give a Ruck<br />
A new campaign,<br />
by Tessa Beecroft from<br />
Holt Rugby Club, is tackling<br />
mental health stigma in rugby.<br />
Signposting support, and<br />
looking to secure a mental<br />
health first aider for every<br />
club, it’s a campaign<br />
well worth a try!<br />
Love don’t<br />
cost a thing<br />
It turns out JLo might have got<br />
that wrong, as a study reveals<br />
relationships cost people an<br />
average of £3,600 a year. New<br />
research from Lloyds Bank<br />
suggests singletons (though not<br />
single households) typically spend<br />
£300 less a month on living costs.<br />
But single or coupled up, being<br />
happy is priceless.<br />
Hot to trot<br />
You may be familiar<br />
with therapy dogs, but<br />
another four-legged<br />
friend has been<br />
supporting people’s<br />
wellbeing in Scotland.<br />
Elaine and John Sangster are<br />
the couple travelling around<br />
the country, taking their eight<br />
miniature Shetland ponies<br />
to care homes, hospitals,<br />
and hospices, to help people<br />
with dementia, brain injuries,<br />
disabilities, or special needs.<br />
And the reactions they’ve seen<br />
are truly moving, as people<br />
who’ve not spoken a word in<br />
years interact with the ponies.<br />
Animal therapy has been<br />
found to reduce anxiety and<br />
stress in people, so the guests<br />
are supporting the mental<br />
health needs of some of the<br />
most vulnerable people. What<br />
a heartwarming tail...
For many of us, going to the doctor can feel daunting<br />
and fill us with anxiety – but it doesn't have to be so<br />
overwhelming. Here are some tips to help overcome your<br />
fears, make you calmer, and lower your blood pressure<br />
?<br />
What is<br />
white coat syndrome<br />
Writing | Lindsay George<br />
Illustrating | Rosan Magar<br />
Does the mere thought of<br />
visiting your doctor fill<br />
you with dread? Despite<br />
telling yourself that<br />
you’ll be in safe hands<br />
and there’s absolutely nothing to<br />
worry about, you just can’t help<br />
feeling anxious?<br />
Well the good news is, you’re not<br />
alone! A recent study revealed that<br />
between 15% and 30% of people in<br />
the UK experience this.<br />
This phenomenon, known as<br />
white coat syndrome, white coat<br />
hypertension, or the white coat<br />
effect, occurs when an individual<br />
experiences higher than normal<br />
blood pressure when they are in a<br />
clinical setting.<br />
It’s believed to be a symptom of<br />
the fear of the unknown, and/or a<br />
negative association with hospitals<br />
and clinics. The problem here is<br />
that, for many people, taking that<br />
first step towards seeking help<br />
for their health is hard enough<br />
emotionally already, so addressing<br />
white coat syndrome is essential to<br />
make sure people aren’t deterred.<br />
Despite white coat syndrome<br />
causing a spike in the blood<br />
pressure of individuals who are<br />
normally deemed within the<br />
healthy range group, some doctors<br />
believe it might reveal people who<br />
may develop actual hypertension,<br />
therefore a thorough assessment is<br />
essential.<br />
Diagnosing someone with white<br />
coat syndrome can be challenging,<br />
as it’s often difficult to gain a<br />
precise reading. In real terms, this<br />
may mean your doctor comparing<br />
readings taken in the clinic with<br />
those at home. Talk to your doctor<br />
about this if you have any concerns.<br />
Meanwhile, there are several<br />
things you can do to help yourself<br />
overcome your fears.<br />
TRY RELAXATION TECHNIQUES<br />
Relaxation techniques, such as<br />
breath exercises and meditation,<br />
can be incredibly useful in teaching<br />
you how to calm down. They’re<br />
popular, easy to do, and the medical<br />
benefits are well-proven.<br />
14 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
DISTRACTION THERAPY<br />
Try focusing on something other<br />
than the blood pressure test itself.<br />
For example, try counting things<br />
in the room (three things you can<br />
see, two you can hear, one you can<br />
touch), or even wiggling your toes<br />
– the important thing is to take<br />
your mind off the task in hand.<br />
REDUCE THE CHAT<br />
Talking while getting your<br />
blood pressure taken can<br />
actually raise it a little, so<br />
maybe hold the chat until after<br />
the reading is done.<br />
TRY SOME DEEP<br />
BREATHING EXERCISES<br />
Simply breathe in through<br />
your nose for three seconds, hold<br />
your breath for five seconds,<br />
exhale through your mouth<br />
for seven seconds, and repeat<br />
that cycle four times. Not only<br />
will your mind be focused<br />
on something else, but<br />
you are also actively<br />
suppressing your<br />
body’s fight-or-flight<br />
response to stress.<br />
Try to complete this<br />
cycle before your<br />
blood pressure is<br />
taken, not during.<br />
TAKE A BRISK<br />
15–20 MINUTE WALK<br />
A short walk is enough to help you<br />
start rhythmic breathing, which<br />
actually decreases blood pressure by<br />
calming the body’s stress response.<br />
REQUEST A QUIET ROOM<br />
When you make an appointment,<br />
ask for a quieter examination room<br />
that’s out of the way of all of the<br />
hustle-and-bustle of the main area.<br />
DRINK A GLASS OF WATER<br />
Another simple tip is to drink a<br />
glass of water. Water has a calming<br />
effect on the nervous system, and<br />
it flushes out sodium, too (a risk<br />
factor in hypertension).<br />
Try counting things<br />
in the room, or even<br />
wiggling your toes – the<br />
important thing is to<br />
take your mind off the<br />
task in hand<br />
WATCH WHAT YOU EAT BEFORE<br />
YOUR DOCTOR’S VISIT<br />
You can’t undo a lifetime of diet<br />
choices in one afternoon, but you<br />
can try avoiding meals that are high<br />
in fat and sodium, ideally at least<br />
two days before your appointment. If<br />
you’re a smoker, try to refrain from<br />
smoking for at least one hour prior to<br />
your appointment.<br />
EAT A BANANA<br />
Did you know that potassium-rich<br />
foods could help control blood flow<br />
and heartbeat? You can take<br />
potassium supplements, but<br />
those can take weeks to have any<br />
significant effect, whereas eating<br />
a banana, a sweet potato, or<br />
some cooked spinach or broccoli,<br />
can show a positive effect in just<br />
one or two hours.<br />
MAKE YOUR APPOINTMENT<br />
FOR LATER IN THE DAY<br />
Blood pressure is likely<br />
to be higher in the<br />
morning. By scheduling<br />
an appointment in the<br />
afternoon, you may<br />
experience lower blood<br />
pressure without having to do<br />
anything else.<br />
COUNSELLING AND<br />
STRESS MANAGEMENT<br />
Stress and anxiety play a significant<br />
role in raising blood pressure.<br />
Therefore, it is essential to try to<br />
find better coping skills. Counselling<br />
provides a safe space for you to talk<br />
about issues that may be creating<br />
additional stress in your life. In<br />
addition, being able to offload<br />
bottled up emotions not only allows<br />
you to feel more relaxed, it promotes<br />
a healthier approach to dealing<br />
with life.<br />
Lindsay George is an integrative<br />
counsellor and trained nurse.<br />
She specialises in areas including<br />
depression, eating disorders, and<br />
relationships. Visit lindsaygeorge.co.uk<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 15
Voice of a<br />
generation<br />
Rising to fame in 2014 as a global<br />
sensation empowering people to love<br />
their bodies, Meghan Trainor isn’t just a<br />
new judge on The Voice UK, but has a<br />
strong voice of her own, and<br />
she isn’t afraid to use it.<br />
Speaking out now about the crippling<br />
panic attacks and anxiety that<br />
overwhelmed her following two<br />
operations on her vocal cords, Meghan<br />
is shining an authentic and endearing<br />
light on how mental illness can affect<br />
anyone, no matter their situation...<br />
Interview | Gemma Calvert<br />
Photography | Paul Buller<br />
It’s a weekday afternoon in<br />
December, in the corner of a lowlit<br />
bar at London’s Langham Hotel,<br />
and against a background hubbub<br />
of festive celebrations, Meghan<br />
Trainor is pouring hot water on to a<br />
bag of herbal tea, while revealing that<br />
her new husband might just be the<br />
world’s most perfect man.<br />
“I am way too lucky. I got the best<br />
guy in the world and more,” she says,<br />
an ear-to-ear grin spreading across<br />
her face. >>>
“I didn’t know men could be so<br />
emotionally intelligent, and know<br />
how you’re feeling at all times.”<br />
Today, actor Daryl Sabara, known<br />
best for his role in the Spy Kids film<br />
series, has come up trumps. He’s<br />
accompanied Massachusetts-born<br />
singer Meghan on a three-day trip to<br />
London from Los Angeles to promote<br />
her new album, Treat Myself, and The<br />
Voice UK, her new TV gig alongside<br />
fellow mentors Olly Murs, will.i.am,<br />
and Sir Tom Jones. While he’s not here<br />
during our chat, he’s arranged for<br />
Throat Coat tea bags to be delivered<br />
to our table. It’s sweet, thoughtful<br />
and, from the look of Meghan, who<br />
is huddled up in an oversized coat,<br />
exactly what she needs.<br />
“I’m so tired, my body’s kind of<br />
crashing because of jet lag and<br />
exhaustion,” she confirms, leaning<br />
forward to inhale the fragrant steam<br />
from the tea, a blend favoured by<br />
singers for vocal TLC. “He knows I<br />
need to drink this.”<br />
I offer that being so cared for,<br />
especially in the midst of a relentless<br />
work schedule – today Meghan’s<br />
completed a photoshoot, another<br />
interview, is dashing to Radio 1 after<br />
we wrap before finishing the day in<br />
the <strong>Happiful</strong> studio – must make her<br />
feel safe.<br />
“I feel safe, protected, and loved<br />
super hard,” says Meghan of the<br />
man she wed in December 2018, on<br />
her 25th birthday, one year after he<br />
proposed. The couple met in July<br />
2016 on a blind date set up by their<br />
mutual friend, actress Chloë Grace<br />
Moretz, and are, Meghan insists,<br />
“soulmates”. Is there a secret to the<br />
strength of their bond?<br />
“There is something that Daryl<br />
and I do that I’ve never done with<br />
other people, and that’s complete<br />
100% honesty – talking to each<br />
other, communication – and that<br />
transparency is everything. We really<br />
care about each other as humans,”<br />
says Meghan, who has previously<br />
revealed she “never really felt sexy<br />
with guys before” meeting Daryl,<br />
who is “obsessed” with “every inch”<br />
of her body. And every day her new<br />
husband persuades her to feel her<br />
best.<br />
“He makes me go to the mirror and<br />
say, ‘My name’s Meghan Trainor and<br />
I’m beautiful, and I deserve to be<br />
loved’,” says Meghan, stifling a giggle.<br />
“He’ll catch me when I’m running out<br />
the door and be like ‘Hey! Look in the<br />
mirror!’ But it helps because I’m like:<br />
‘That’s right, I’m awesome! Let’s go!’”<br />
From the moment Meghan burst<br />
into public consciousness five<br />
years ago with ‘All About That Bass’,<br />
encouraging women to shake their<br />
butts and feel good while doing it,<br />
she became a global poster girl for<br />
body confidence and acceptance.<br />
The track shot to number one<br />
in 58 countries, and challenged<br />
stereotypes by celebrating men and<br />
women with fuller figures.<br />
Since then, she has left nothing of<br />
herself in the wings with her soulbaring<br />
lyrics, which commonly<br />
promote healthy self-confidence in<br />
her fans. So it’s intriguing to discover,<br />
from this mirror mantra story, that<br />
her self-esteem is still a work in<br />
progress.<br />
“That’s who I want to be,” she says.<br />
“I write my songs very much to<br />
myself. I hope I’m helping strangers<br />
too, but they’re to remind myself to<br />
take care of myself, to love myself,<br />
and to be kind to myself. Sometimes<br />
I’m feeling really hot, sometimes<br />
– once a month – I’m not. When I<br />
play those songs, I’m like ‘For these<br />
three minutes, I am a queen’, and I’m<br />
loving myself and it’s awesome.”<br />
I thought, ‘It’s over,<br />
I’m not going to<br />
sing ever again.’ I<br />
went full dive into<br />
the dark zone of<br />
deep thoughts<br />
The songs she references are<br />
from Treat Myself, which dropped in<br />
January <strong>2020</strong>, almost four years after<br />
the release of her last album, and<br />
it’s some of her best work – raw and<br />
honest, yet still trademark Trainor<br />
fun. During the three-year writing<br />
process she “adopted two dogs, got<br />
married [and] had time for myself”,<br />
the latter being shorthand for a<br />
deeply personal journey of recovery<br />
after a second emergency vocal cord<br />
operation in December 2016, 10<br />
months after she won a Grammy for<br />
Best New Artist, left her so anxious<br />
about the future of her music career<br />
she sought therapy.<br />
“I thought, ‘It’s over, I’m not going to<br />
sing ever again,’” explains Meghan.<br />
“I went full dive into the dark zone of<br />
deep thoughts.”<br />
Shortly before the second<br />
procedure – 17 months after the<br />
first – she endured her first anxiety<br />
attack, backstage at America’s CBS<br />
This Morning show before appearing<br />
live to announce the 2017 Grammy<br />
nominations.<br />
“I was so tired and had vocal<br />
issues. I looked at my schedule and<br />
thought, ‘I’m not going to make it,<br />
I’m going to lose my voice.’ I started<br />
hyperventilating, crying hard,<br />
and shaking. I kept saying: ‘What’s<br />
happening?’ It rocked me,” she recalls.<br />
18 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Red Blazer Dress | House of CB, Ring | Thomas Sabo, Earrings | Sif Jakobs<br />
A friend in Meghan’s dressing<br />
room, familiar with panic attacks,<br />
encouraged her to focus on<br />
surrounding objects and name them<br />
one-by-one. “It calmed me down,”<br />
she recalls. “When it finally settled<br />
after 20 minutes, I was like ‘So that’s<br />
what it is?’”<br />
Initially, Meghan struggled to deal<br />
with her reality. Even researching<br />
“anxiety attack” on the internet had<br />
the power to trigger an episode.<br />
“One night I looked up ‘explain<br />
what an anxiety attack is’ on TED<br />
Talks, and within four seconds I fell<br />
over and was like, ‘Oh God, shut it<br />
off!’ I couldn’t hear about it for a<br />
long time.”<br />
Meghan became a prisoner of her<br />
own thoughts, a problem worsened<br />
by weeks of enforced silence –<br />
firstly to heal her haemorrhaging<br />
vocal cords to avoid permanent<br />
damage and proceed with surgery,<br />
then for weeks during recovery. The<br />
isolation was crippling.<br />
“Imagine not being able to speak,<br />
or hum, or cough, or laugh – it<br />
numbs you,” explains Meghan. “You<br />
can’t get excited, you can’t get mad,<br />
and you can’t tell your favourite<br />
person in the world that you love<br />
them. [During] arguments or if I<br />
was frustrated, I’d just shake. A lot<br />
of time spent in your own head is<br />
such a terrible place to be.”<br />
Between operations one and two<br />
Meghan employed a therapist to<br />
help calm her “stress”. She also<br />
sought the help of a hypnotherapist<br />
to cure her of repeatedly picking the<br />
skin on her fingers.<br />
“I’ll pick them, then get really<br />
insecure if I have to do red carpet<br />
and have a bloody finger. It’s still an<br />
issue I’m working on,” she explains.<br />
It wasn’t until Carson Daly, host of<br />
America’s The Voice, spoke publicly >>><br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 19
about his lifelong battle with<br />
generalised anxiety disorder that<br />
Meghan was able to articulate her<br />
own mental health experience.<br />
“He explained physically what<br />
[anxiety] does to you, and I was like<br />
‘That’s exactly it.’ I’ve never heard<br />
anyone explain it so well.”<br />
After finally opening up to<br />
Daryl and her family, Meghan<br />
retreated from the spotlight and<br />
overhauled her lifestyle. She began<br />
transcendental meditation, which<br />
Daryl does every day “religiously”,<br />
and noticed a “huge difference” by<br />
eating more healthily and upping<br />
her weekly quota of exercise.<br />
I’m starting to believe<br />
it. I’ve found beauty<br />
in my body<br />
“My brain is happier,” she<br />
smiles, adding that less frequent<br />
use of Instagram, which she says<br />
triggered problems when she<br />
compared herself to others, is<br />
helping too. She satisfies her phone<br />
“addiction” by watching YouTube<br />
videos, and using new video<br />
sharing app TikTok – her “saviour”.<br />
“Rather than only show how<br />
awesome your life is, TikTok is<br />
[about] ‘look how goofy I am’. I don’t<br />
have to have the perfect pose and<br />
the best makeup, this is how I am.”<br />
Choosing not to speak to herself<br />
negatively is another feel-good<br />
trick up Meghan’s sleeve.<br />
“I got this from my mother; she<br />
says all the time: ‘I look horrible<br />
and I’m so frumpy today’ and I’m<br />
like, ‘Ma! Shh! You’re training your<br />
brain to hate yourself.’ That’s what<br />
I grew up listening to, so I did that<br />
too. The more you say [negative<br />
comments] the more your brain<br />
believes it. Your brain is a sponge.”<br />
And so what’s her inner dialogue<br />
like now?<br />
“I look at pictures of myself and<br />
think ‘Isn’t she cute?’ Or I’ll give<br />
myself compliments out loud and it<br />
totally works, I’m starting to believe<br />
it. I’ve found beauty in my body.”<br />
Prescription medication, she<br />
admits, is also helping. Meghan,<br />
who initially tried beta blockers to<br />
calm pre-performance palpitations,<br />
now takes citalopram – a type of<br />
antidepressant sometimes used to<br />
treat panic attacks.<br />
“I need it. It saved my life in so<br />
many ways,” she says, though she<br />
does plan to come off it eventually.<br />
“It’s the lowest milligrammes. It’s<br />
probably placebo at this point, but<br />
[my doctor] says ‘if you’re happy, I<br />
wouldn’t mess with it, especially if<br />
you’re about to go into a lot of work.’”<br />
Right now Meghan’s schedule is<br />
hectic, but there are no complaints.<br />
Hard work is ingrained in Meghan,<br />
who started out as a songwriter<br />
signed to a country music label, not<br />
believing she had the ‘pop star look’<br />
to make it as an artist. She resigned<br />
herself to writing music for others,<br />
but within two years penned ‘All<br />
About That Bass’ and laid down her<br />
vocals, which caught the attention<br />
of producer LA Reid, who instructed<br />
his team to “just sign her”. She’s<br />
evidently still grateful for that break.<br />
There’s also a renewed appreciation<br />
for her career since surgery<br />
threatened to derail it.<br />
“I show up to things and I’m like<br />
‘Thank you for letting me be here,’”<br />
says Meghan, who boasts 10.5<br />
million followers on Instagram<br />
alone, yet endearingly, struggles to<br />
comprehend the magnitude of her<br />
stardom. >>><br />
>>><br />
20 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Top | Topshop, Earrings | Sif Jakobs
I feel accepted<br />
for who I am.<br />
That’s why I love<br />
doing TV because<br />
I don’t have<br />
to go up there<br />
and pretend I’m<br />
someone else<br />
Jumper | Sézane, Hair & Skincare | Rosalique and Paul Mitchell<br />
Styling | Krishan Parmar<br />
Hair | Charley McEwen<br />
Makeup | Karin Darnell
“Doing The Voice, I was like, ‘What<br />
if they don’t know me and my<br />
music?’ I told Olly Murs and he<br />
said ‘I know exactly how you feel.<br />
I felt the same way, but you’ll be<br />
surprised, everyone will know who<br />
you are.’ He was so good to me.”<br />
Becoming a mentor on ITV’s<br />
music talent show was a “bucketlist<br />
moment” for Meghan, who says<br />
the format – not being about “what<br />
you look like, what you’ve been<br />
through and who you are” but “the<br />
pure talent” – attracted her. She<br />
instantly felt part of the “family”<br />
and describes Olly as her “new best<br />
friend”, presenter Emma Willis like<br />
someone she has “known my whole<br />
life”, and will.i.am as childlike as<br />
she is. “He’ll be tapping a beat on<br />
his table and I’ll start writing a song<br />
with it, then we’ll be like ‘That’s<br />
a smash!’” says Meghan. “It’s fun<br />
moments like that where you don’t<br />
feel like you’re at work.”<br />
Meghan hasn’t had a panic attack<br />
for “probably more than a year”.<br />
Does she feel more resilient since<br />
finding light after darkness?<br />
“I feel like I conquered it,” she<br />
says. “It sucks in the moment when<br />
it’s happening, you think ‘this will<br />
never end and I’ll live with this for<br />
the rest of my life’, but you don’t<br />
have to. You ask for help, and I<br />
can say I’m so much better. I know<br />
what triggers me now. If I don’t get<br />
sleep, and my body’s exhausted, it<br />
confuses my brain with panic. I can<br />
listen to my body more now.”<br />
Meghan no longer has counselling,<br />
but is intent on finding an industry<br />
mentor, someone who’s “been<br />
through” what she has, to guide and<br />
advise. Someone like?<br />
“Kelly Clarkson,” replies Meghan.<br />
“Every time I see her she’s the<br />
nicest human I’ve ever met. I’m<br />
like ‘Ah man, I want to be a Kelly<br />
Clarkson!’”<br />
As for other plans for the future,<br />
motherhood is calling. Loudly.<br />
During a recent shopping trip, the<br />
elevator doors opened to reveal<br />
a floor-to-ceiling display of baby<br />
products. It sparked a surge of<br />
broodiness in Meghan.<br />
“I always say my ovaries are crying<br />
because they just want babies.<br />
My body is so ready for it. I’m not<br />
trying, but I’m learning new tips<br />
from my mum every day. I go on<br />
YouTube and I’ve been studying like<br />
I’m going to school. It’s so weird!”<br />
Family means everything to<br />
Meghan. Every song on her new<br />
album features appearances from<br />
the Trainor clan and Daryl, who<br />
pulled out all the stops for the<br />
couple’s first wedding anniversary<br />
before Christmas, a celebration<br />
at their home in Los Angeles –<br />
Meghan’s “happy place”.<br />
As my time with Meghan draws<br />
to a close, I question whether she’s<br />
finally found love for the person<br />
she’s struggled to value most over<br />
the years – herself. Meghan smiles.<br />
“I’m very proud of myself and,<br />
yes, I love myself,” she says. “I feel<br />
accepted for who I am. That’s why I<br />
love doing TV, because I don’t have<br />
to go up there and act, to pretend<br />
I’m someone else.”<br />
With a speciality in never taking<br />
her talent for granted, Meghan<br />
Trainor should buckle up. She’s<br />
destined for the long-haul.<br />
Meghan’s album ‘Treat Myself’ is out<br />
31 January. Follow her on Instagram<br />
@meghan_trainor, and watch her as<br />
a judge on ITV’s ‘The Voice’.<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 23
How to build a<br />
healthy<br />
relationship<br />
We all seek friendship, love, and happiness with others, but it’s important<br />
to keep nourishing those relationships over time. Here are some expert<br />
pointers to help you create strong and lasting personal connections<br />
Writing | John Kenny Illustrating | Rosan Magar<br />
Every relationship needs a bit<br />
of work, no matter how long<br />
it’s lasted. One of the most<br />
common things that can<br />
affect a relationship in a negative<br />
way is what we learn to expect.<br />
We expect that they should know<br />
us, know how we feel, what we are<br />
thinking, and constantly be on our<br />
wavelength. We assume that we<br />
know them, what makes them tick,<br />
what kind of mood they are in, and<br />
how to make them feel better. But,<br />
the long and short of it is that, well,<br />
maybe we don’t.<br />
Here are four things that people<br />
in healthy relationships do:<br />
THEY KNOW THEMSELVES<br />
The first and, in my opinion, the<br />
most important thing you need<br />
to do is to understand you. The<br />
relationship that you have with<br />
yourself will reflect all others that<br />
you have.<br />
Whatever you bring to a<br />
relationship will determine how<br />
you are in a relationship, and<br />
how the other person is towards<br />
you. Knowing yourself, and what<br />
truly makes you happy, will help<br />
you to live in a positive space,<br />
and positively affect all of your<br />
relationships.
Be self-aware – get to know<br />
yourself and how you ‘tick’. By<br />
gaining this understanding, and<br />
knowing your triggers, means<br />
you can try to control them, and<br />
address what sets them off in your<br />
relationships.<br />
Understand your wants and<br />
needs – most people will be able<br />
to tell you what they don’t want,<br />
but hardly ever what they do want.<br />
Without this knowledge, or why<br />
you have specific needs, then you<br />
may struggle to feel fulfilled.<br />
Learn what your values and<br />
principles are. We have a tendency<br />
to live by the values we learn<br />
from others, and sometimes<br />
life can feel incongruent<br />
because of this. Living by<br />
your own values will enable<br />
you to live authentically, and<br />
align with people who live<br />
the same way.<br />
THEY DO IT BECAUSE<br />
THEY WANT TO<br />
When I first started working with<br />
clients, we spoke a lot about the<br />
importance of compromise. How<br />
we all need to give something for<br />
the relationship to be a success.<br />
However, this had a tendency to<br />
lead to animosity and a ‘you give, I<br />
give’ mentality in some people.<br />
Compromise has a negative<br />
connotation: ‘I am giving<br />
something up!’ Nobody really<br />
wants to think they are sacrificing<br />
in this way, as what they are giving<br />
is not being given freely. So now,<br />
nobody compromises.<br />
This will play out differently,<br />
depending on the type of<br />
relationship, but remind yourself<br />
what the best thing for you to do is.<br />
An example is when you really<br />
care about someone, you do<br />
something for them just because<br />
you care. Giving something<br />
because you want to is a great way<br />
to ensure a happy and healthy<br />
relationship. It needs to feel<br />
authentic to make it a ‘want to’ or a<br />
‘could do’, rather than a ‘should’.<br />
In a healthy relationship, this will<br />
be reciprocated.<br />
THEY’RE ALWAYS LEARNING<br />
ABOUT EACH OTHER<br />
When we embark on a<br />
relationship, we get to know one<br />
another, and then start to assume<br />
that we really know each other.<br />
What’s common, however, is that<br />
we get to know them from our own<br />
perspective, from what we need,<br />
and what makes us feel good.<br />
In his book The 5 Love Languages,<br />
author Gary Chapman says that<br />
“your emotional love language…<br />
may be as different as speaking<br />
Chinese and English”.<br />
What he means is if you feel<br />
loved by someone telling you they<br />
love you… and they feel loved by<br />
receiving affection, you can tell<br />
them you love them until the end<br />
of the earth, and they won’t feel it.<br />
And if they constantly cuddle you,<br />
then you won’t feel it, either.<br />
Take the time to understand what<br />
the other person really needs to<br />
feel cared for, and don’t forget to<br />
tell people what you need, too!<br />
THEY TALK ABOUT THE GOOD<br />
AND THE BAD<br />
How often, and how well, do<br />
we actually communicate with<br />
others? And how often, and how<br />
well, do we think we communicate<br />
with others? We have a tendency<br />
to communicate something<br />
when we ‘need’ to and when<br />
we ‘need’ to, it’s generally<br />
something negative.<br />
Take some time,<br />
on a regular basis, to<br />
communicate something<br />
positive to someone. And<br />
when you have something<br />
negative to say, remember to set<br />
up a time to discuss things when<br />
everyone is in the right frame of<br />
mind to talk.<br />
Relationships can be<br />
complicated, as we are all<br />
individuals with our own ways of<br />
doing and seeing things.<br />
For yours to be healthy, you need<br />
to take the time to understand<br />
yourself, reflect on what other<br />
people need, and then live the best<br />
relationships possible.<br />
John Kenny is the founder of<br />
Interpersonal Relationship Coaching<br />
(IRC), and author of ‘The P.E.O.P.L.E<br />
Programme’. Visit<br />
johnkennycoaching.com<br />
for more.
Photography | Thai An<br />
“<br />
Self-compassion is simply giving<br />
the same kindness to ourselves<br />
that we would give to others<br />
– CHRISTOPHER GERMER
Spend some quality time…<br />
with yourself<br />
As Carrie Bradshaw said in<br />
Sex and The City, the most<br />
significant relationship in our<br />
lives is the one we have with<br />
ourselves. So why not spend<br />
some essential you-time<br />
with your truest soulmate?<br />
Writing | Kat Nicholls<br />
1 Head to a museum or art gallery<br />
Feed your curiosity with a trip to a<br />
museum or gallery. Visit somewhere<br />
you’ve never been to before, and go<br />
all out – use the audio tour, enjoy<br />
lunch in the cafe, pop into the gift<br />
shop before you leave. Soak up every<br />
piece of information, and follow<br />
whatever piques your interest.<br />
Need some museum inspo? Head<br />
to tripadvisor.co.uk. According to<br />
reviewers, the top museums in the<br />
UK include the National Railway<br />
Museum in York, the National<br />
Gallery in London, and the Roman<br />
Baths in Bath.<br />
2 Go for a coffee and reading date<br />
When you’re craving some quiet<br />
time, or even a little escapism, grab<br />
a book and take yourself off to your<br />
favourite cafe. Order a drink and<br />
settle into a comfy seat.<br />
Enjoy the bustling hum of the<br />
cafe in the background, or put your<br />
headphones on and listen to some<br />
soothing music. Get lost in the<br />
pages, and let everything else fall<br />
away for an hour or two.<br />
3 See something at the cinema<br />
How often have you missed a film<br />
you were excited about because no<br />
one else wanted to see it? Next time,<br />
We’d love to hear<br />
about your solo<br />
adventures! Tag<br />
@happiful_<br />
magazine on<br />
Instagram<br />
head to the cinema solo. You won’t<br />
have to worry about sharing your<br />
popcorn (or deal with that friend<br />
who loves talking through the<br />
trailers), and you can go whenever<br />
suits you.<br />
4 Learn something new<br />
Developing a new skill can be<br />
incredibly fulfilling, and helps to<br />
keep our brains healthy. According<br />
to research, learning a second<br />
language can increase your grey<br />
matter and slow down brain ageing.<br />
Why not try a class in your local<br />
area? You could take a pasta-making<br />
course (and enjoy the finished<br />
product at home with a glass of<br />
wine), an art class, or grow your<br />
brain by learning a language.<br />
5 Go street combing<br />
A creativity technique devised<br />
by Dutch innovation consultant<br />
Richard Stomp, street combing<br />
involves walking up and down<br />
a street and taking pictures of<br />
anything and everything that<br />
interests you. It sounds simple,<br />
but it’s an amazing way to get<br />
your creative juices flowing while<br />
getting you out in the fresh air –<br />
and helping you see familiar streets<br />
with fresh eyes.
Tackling trauma…<br />
with Grace<br />
As a trainee counsellor, and having experienced trauma first-hand,<br />
Grace Victory opens up about what it’s really like to live with PTSD<br />
There are so many<br />
topics I want to<br />
confront and discuss<br />
concerning wellbeing<br />
and trauma – the list<br />
is literally endless. I have such a<br />
huge passion for dissecting these<br />
topics because, in the midst of<br />
life, everything always feels a bit<br />
better when you realise you’re<br />
not alone.<br />
I remember the very first time<br />
I spoke openly about depression<br />
and my eating disorder. It was<br />
way back in 2011, in a YouTube<br />
video, and it felt revolutionary,<br />
like something had been lifted<br />
and my eyes had been opened. I<br />
remember thinking “Wow... when<br />
you talk about your feelings, other<br />
people talk about theirs, too.”<br />
It was powerful. While talking<br />
may not be the only way to heal<br />
and recognise the difficult things<br />
within us, it really can be a good<br />
place to start.<br />
As a child, I always knew<br />
something was a bit off with me,<br />
but I could never pinpoint what<br />
it was exactly. I rarely felt angry,<br />
I always felt sad, and I never felt<br />
safe. Maybe some of you can<br />
relate? I felt like the black sheep<br />
who was shunned by others, so I<br />
isolated myself.<br />
My basic needs were met, but<br />
many other needs were not, which<br />
is still something I’m coming to<br />
terms with. For a long time, I didn’t<br />
realise I hadn’t experienced what<br />
other people would call a ‘normal’<br />
childhood, but I guess it was normal<br />
for me.<br />
I remember the first time I sat<br />
down with a therapist and told<br />
them what my childhood was like. I<br />
reeled off things I’d heard, seen, and<br />
had happen to me. I was so used to<br />
trauma that I minimised it in my<br />
head. If it was small and locked in<br />
a cage then I didn’t have to feel or<br />
deal with it. I detached so much<br />
from myself that telling my story<br />
became matter-of-fact, as if it wasn’t<br />
my own story that I was telling.<br />
It wasn’t until I was 26 that I began<br />
to realise the effects that trauma<br />
had had on me, and in the summer<br />
of 2016 I received a diagnosis of<br />
post-traumatic stress disorder<br />
(PTSD). My initial reaction was<br />
“Well WTF is that? It sounds like<br />
some sort of weird disease that I<br />
definitely do not want.” I was that<br />
person. I had (still have) so much<br />
shame inside of me about my<br />
victimhood that I hated the fact I<br />
had ‘something’.<br />
For those of you who are unsure<br />
what PTSD is exactly, allow me to<br />
I am learning that<br />
being a victim<br />
doesn’t make me<br />
weak, feeling pain<br />
doesn’t make me<br />
a burden, and<br />
that what other<br />
people did, has<br />
never been my<br />
fault<br />
Photography | Paul Buller<br />
28 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
@GRACEFVICTORY<br />
First steps<br />
for support...<br />
If you feel ready to reach out<br />
for help, the best thing to do<br />
initially is speak to your GP.<br />
They can advise you on<br />
treatment options, and<br />
remember, you don’t have<br />
to go alone. A friend or<br />
family member can be<br />
there beside you.<br />
break it down for you. PTSD is a<br />
mental health condition triggered<br />
by an event, or a series of events,<br />
that the individual experiences as<br />
terrifying. This can be something<br />
happening to them, or watching it<br />
happen. PTSD causes your brain<br />
to remain in the danger zone due<br />
to increased stress levels. PTSD<br />
can then manifest as flashbacks,<br />
anxiety, and depression, when<br />
triggered by anything from scents<br />
to loud noises. Some catalysts for<br />
PTSD include war, rape, domestic<br />
violence, and severe sickness.<br />
My diagnosis meant that I<br />
needed to confront my issues head<br />
on, and I felt overwhelmed with<br />
dread. However, somewhere deep<br />
inside of me, I also felt relief. Like<br />
my inner child was saying: “Thank<br />
God I’m not making all of this up<br />
in my head.”<br />
It’s been three years since my<br />
diagnosis and honestly, most<br />
days I am surprised by how much<br />
trauma has affected my life. I<br />
don’t tend to talk about it much<br />
online because everything is<br />
pretty painful still. Isn’t it weird<br />
how much pain a person can feel,<br />
and still smile? I smile every day,<br />
but every day I feel confused and<br />
lost, and like everything I once<br />
knew was a lie. I am learning that<br />
being a victim doesn’t make<br />
me weak, feeling pain doesn’t<br />
make me a burden, and that<br />
what other people did, has<br />
never been my fault.<br />
PTSD keeps you in an almost<br />
constant state of “fight or<br />
flight” – like a ticking time<br />
bomb that’s about to explode<br />
into rage or erupt into tears.<br />
And for some people this could<br />
be disappearing (physically or<br />
emotionally) and not feeling<br />
anything at all.<br />
Now that I am working on my<br />
subconscious programming,<br />
and learning how to re-parent<br />
myself, I am so aware of my<br />
triggers and internal thoughts,<br />
so life is so much easier. Now I<br />
know why I’m angry, or why I’m<br />
sad, and I have the tools to sit<br />
with those feelings, or release<br />
them safely. Some days are<br />
battles that I lose, some days are<br />
battles I win, and some days no<br />
battles exist, and I am learning<br />
to be OK with all three.<br />
Love<br />
Grace<br />
x<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 29
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30 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong><br />
Helping you find the help you need.
The heart<br />
of health<br />
A regular face on our TV screens,<br />
Dr Rangan Chatterjee knows better<br />
than most what good health looks<br />
like. But in a time when the secrets<br />
to wellbeing seem more convoluted<br />
than ever, Dr Chatterjee is stripping<br />
things back. Here, we talk about<br />
the key to keeping up New Year’s<br />
resolutions, the importance of making<br />
connections, and his revolutionary<br />
new book: Feel Better in 5<br />
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler<br />
Hi Rangan! <strong>2020</strong> has just begun<br />
– what are your thoughts on New<br />
Year’s health trends?<br />
Now, here’s a thing that I’ve<br />
noticed in my practice: a lot of<br />
people are trying to cut back on<br />
sugar or alcohol, and for a week<br />
or two, they can do it. But then<br />
normally, by week two, week<br />
three, they’re starting to slip back<br />
into their existing behaviours.<br />
The reason why this is<br />
happening, in a lot of cases, is<br />
because that alcohol and sugar<br />
was serving a role. It was helping<br />
someone soothe the stress in<br />
their life. Maybe their work was<br />
too stressful, or they were lonely.<br />
Whatever the stressor, they were<br />
using sugar and/or alcohol to help<br />
them. So, they won’t reduce sugar<br />
or alcohol in the long term, unless<br />
you address the root cause of why<br />
they were using it in the first place.<br />
Does that make sense?<br />
It does, and that’s very much the<br />
theme of your new book?<br />
Absolutely. That’s why I couldn’t<br />
write a book just on food. In Feel<br />
Better in 5, I’ve made health super<br />
simple. Everything in the book<br />
takes five minutes, maximum. >>><br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 31
If you look at all the behavioural<br />
science, you don’t create a new<br />
behaviour by making it difficult<br />
What do you mean by ‘heart’?<br />
When it comes to health, heart<br />
is something that doesn’t get<br />
spoken enough about – it’s our<br />
connection. Our connection with<br />
our self, our connection with our<br />
friends or our partners. When<br />
you miss one of these areas, it’s<br />
very hard to make changes stick<br />
because they all feed into one<br />
another.<br />
It sounds like a gimmick, but it’s<br />
really not, because if you look at<br />
all the behavioural science, this<br />
is the way that you create a new<br />
behaviour – you don’t create a new<br />
behaviour by making it difficult,<br />
you create a new behaviour by<br />
making it easy.<br />
How does Feel Better in 5 work?<br />
You have to choose one fiveminute<br />
intervention from mind,<br />
one for body, one for heart – and<br />
do them every day, five days a<br />
week. So, literally 15 minutes a<br />
day, five days a week, is all you<br />
have to do. By doing this, you’re<br />
covering the three important<br />
areas.<br />
You’re working on your mental<br />
health, which is the mind piece,<br />
body is actually a series of fiveminute<br />
workouts, whether it’s<br />
strength, HIIT, or yoga – none of it<br />
requires any equipment. The third<br />
section is heart.<br />
You often speak about loneliness<br />
and its effect on our physical<br />
health. How are they connected?<br />
Research suggests that the feeling<br />
of being lonely is as harmful as<br />
smoking 15 cigarettes a day… Just<br />
think about that for a moment.<br />
That is a staggering statistic. So,<br />
why could that be?<br />
Well, our stress response<br />
evolved a couple of million years<br />
ago. Two million years ago, we<br />
would have been in tightly knit,<br />
hunter-gatherer tribes that were<br />
communities, which kept us safe.<br />
If you don’t have your tribe around<br />
you, you might be attacked by a<br />
lion, by a predator. So, your very<br />
clever body prepares you for that.<br />
It ramps up your stress response.<br />
It ramps up your immune system.<br />
It makes your body inflamed.<br />
Why? Because that means that if<br />
you do get attacked, you will have<br />
your best chance of survival.<br />
So, if we think about what’s going<br />
on, if we’re feeling lonely, if all<br />
32 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
we’re having is that electronic<br />
communication or interaction<br />
with other human beings, we’re<br />
missing out on that real human<br />
connection. Our body thinks that<br />
we’re vulnerable to attack, so it<br />
prepares us for our attack; we<br />
become inflamed, we become<br />
stressed, our immune system<br />
goes on high alert. This is what is<br />
happening for many of us in <strong>2020</strong>.<br />
Another study found 2.5 million<br />
men have no close friends, or<br />
believe they have none. Is that<br />
surprising?<br />
In a way. I’m very lucky that I’ve<br />
got a very tight group of friends.<br />
Now, I say I’m lucky, but none of<br />
them live near me. I don’t have<br />
It takes the<br />
pressure off that<br />
I know for the rest<br />
of the day, I’ve<br />
done something<br />
for myself<br />
any good friends who live near me.<br />
This appears to be a problem that<br />
affects men quite a lot. As I’ve got<br />
busier with work, marriage, kids, a<br />
mortgage, I don’t really find that I<br />
have time to make new friends.<br />
But maybe it’s not good enough<br />
anymore to say you’re too busy,<br />
you haven’t got time. There are<br />
things that I could do and I’m<br />
going to work on them. But<br />
I’m very lucky that I do have a<br />
very tight group of mates from<br />
university, who I meet up with<br />
two or three times a year for a<br />
weekend, and literally it nourishes<br />
me on a deep level.<br />
So, for someone who’s struggling,<br />
I’d say, well, what do you like? Do<br />
you like going to the gym? Maybe<br />
go to a class. Do you like reading?<br />
Maybe there’s a local book club.<br />
Find something nearby where<br />
people share similar interests, and<br />
that’s how you’re going to start<br />
creating these new friendships.<br />
From your perspective, how do<br />
you see the increase in mental<br />
health awareness playing out<br />
in your practice?<br />
Things are shifting in a really<br />
positive way, but we’re currently<br />
not where we need to be. We need<br />
to do much more because let’s<br />
not forget that actually, the male<br />
suicide rate in the age group of<br />
30 to 45 is really shocking, really<br />
worrying, and it seems to be<br />
climbing.<br />
The fact that more and more<br />
people are talking about this<br />
openly on social media, these<br />
things are really helping bring<br />
these topics into the public<br />
domain.<br />
I’m seeing patients coming in<br />
now, particularly men, who may<br />
not have had the courage to talk<br />
about their problems a few years<br />
ago, are now openly coming in and<br />
saying, “Hey, I heard this podcast,”<br />
or, “I saw this thing online and I<br />
thought that might be affecting<br />
me. I just want to talk to you about<br />
‘Feel Better in 5: Your Daily Plan<br />
to Feel Great for Life’ by Dr<br />
Rangan Chatterjee (Penguin<br />
Life, £16.99) is out now.<br />
it.” So, I think things are changing<br />
in a very positive way, because<br />
the first thing we have to do is be<br />
aware of the problem.<br />
What steps do you take to<br />
support your own wellbeing?<br />
As soon as I get up, before I do<br />
anything else, I’ll do five minutes<br />
of deep breathing or meditation.<br />
Just five minutes. Then, I do five<br />
minutes of movement. So, it’ll be<br />
one of the workouts in the book.<br />
Either a strength workout, or a<br />
yoga workout, or some stretches.<br />
Then, I do five minutes for my<br />
heart. I’ll write down things that<br />
I’m grateful for and the positive<br />
things in my life.<br />
It takes the pressure off that<br />
I know for the rest of the day,<br />
I’ve done something for myself.<br />
I prioritised myself, and I give<br />
myself that self-respect every<br />
morning, to do something for me.<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 33
How to<br />
take care<br />
of your<br />
financial<br />
wellbeing<br />
The link between money worries and mental health problems<br />
is clear, but fortunately there are some simple steps you can<br />
follow to keep your cash concerns under control<br />
Writing | Fiona Thomas<br />
A<br />
single bead of sweat drips down my<br />
clammy back, even though it’s the<br />
middle of winter. My face is flushed,<br />
and I feel lightheaded as my thumb<br />
rests on the fingerprint button of my phone.<br />
I log in and wait an agonising few seconds<br />
for the figure to appear on the screen. The<br />
number that will dictate the tone of my day,<br />
the amount of cash I have to my name. As the<br />
figure appears in black and white, I breathe a<br />
gentle sigh of relief. Phew. My bank balance<br />
isn’t (currently) in the danger zone, so I can<br />
afford to get some groceries on the way home<br />
this evening. >>><br />
34 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Social media<br />
creates a warped<br />
reality that<br />
pressures people<br />
into spending<br />
money on the<br />
wrong things<br />
This is a process I go through<br />
almost every day. Habitually<br />
checking and rechecking my bank<br />
balance to make sure that I can<br />
afford to buy the things I need in<br />
life. Food, bills, travel costs, and<br />
of course the little extras that<br />
privilege provides, like a new<br />
lipstick or a fancy bottle of gin.<br />
Worrying about cash flow is a<br />
horrible, sinking feeling. But it’s<br />
one that constantly bubbles away<br />
under the surface for many of us.<br />
Two-thirds of those aged between<br />
22 and 38 say that money worries<br />
keep them up at night, with debt,<br />
bills, and mortgage payments<br />
ranking highly on the list. Another<br />
survey found that one in four Brits<br />
admitted they would struggle if<br />
faced with a long period of unpaid<br />
sick leave, and 23% would not be<br />
able to cope with the expense of a<br />
broken boiler.<br />
The link between money and<br />
mental wellbeing is clear, and it’s<br />
one that we can work to strengthen<br />
in a positive way. Money coach<br />
and mentor Emma Maslin says:<br />
“At its heart, financial wellbeing is<br />
about acknowledging our emotions<br />
around money, feeling in control of<br />
our finances, being able to withstand<br />
financial unpredictability and<br />
unexpected expenses.”<br />
With a quarter of people in the<br />
UK believing that poor financial<br />
wellbeing is a significant cause<br />
of stress within their workplace,<br />
it’s clear that many of us need<br />
to address our relationship with<br />
money.<br />
ROOTED IN CHILDHOOD<br />
The emotions we feel towards<br />
money are closely linked to the<br />
beliefs that have been instilled<br />
in us from a young age. For<br />
example, if you were brought up<br />
being repeatedly told you that<br />
you shouldn’t talk about money,<br />
then you may exhibit avoidance<br />
behaviours as an adult. If you were<br />
taught to be vigilant with money,<br />
then you may find it difficult to<br />
spend money as an adult, even if<br />
you are financially stable.<br />
To make things worse, social<br />
media creates a warped reality<br />
that pressures people into<br />
spending money on the wrong<br />
things. A poll commissioned by<br />
BBC Radio 5 recently found that<br />
more than a third of 20 to 29-yearolds<br />
agreed that social media posts<br />
by influencers made them spend<br />
money they otherwise would not<br />
have wanted to spend.<br />
I spoke to psychotherapist and<br />
Counselling Directory member<br />
Paula Coles, who has observed<br />
young people distracting<br />
themselves with small purchases<br />
as a way to self-medicate. “People<br />
might compulsively shop, or try<br />
to buy ‘the appearance ideal’,”<br />
says Paula. “Others may find<br />
themselves prioritising things<br />
such as escapist holidays over<br />
establishing an everyday home life<br />
that they enjoy.” This inevitably<br />
impacts future wellbeing, with<br />
36 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
FINANCIAL WELLBEING<br />
IMPROVEMENT CHECKLIST<br />
• Every month, record your<br />
expenses and income, then<br />
reflect on how you can make<br />
small changes.<br />
• Tackle any high-interest debt<br />
by finding lower interest ways<br />
to pay. Visit stepchange.org<br />
for free debt advice.<br />
• Open a savings account, and<br />
put a little aside each month –<br />
and look to increase this<br />
over time.<br />
• Set up a direct debit, so<br />
that savings come out<br />
automatically.<br />
• Contribute as much as<br />
you can to your workplace<br />
pension.<br />
• Set short- and long-term<br />
financial goals.<br />
• To learn the basics on a wide<br />
range of topics, including<br />
benefits, Brexit, redundancy,<br />
and insurance, visit<br />
moneyadviceservice.org.uk<br />
16 million people in the UK<br />
having less than £100 in savings,<br />
according to a Money Advice<br />
Service survey.<br />
DAZED AND CONFUSED<br />
Alongside unnecessary spending,<br />
debt worries, and mental blocks,<br />
perhaps the most frustrating threat<br />
to our financial wellbeing is a lack<br />
Creating a savings<br />
pot can help you<br />
control your spending<br />
by encouraging you<br />
to work towards a<br />
specific goal<br />
of understanding. With terms such<br />
as ‘effective annual rate’, ‘loan-tovalue’<br />
and ‘compound interest’ it’s<br />
no wonder that 77% of UK adults<br />
are confused by financial jargon.<br />
Six million Brits have racked up<br />
late fees due to misunderstanding<br />
language, and others have seen<br />
a negative impact on their credit<br />
scores.<br />
This can lead to further<br />
difficulties, and general avoidance<br />
behaviour, because people don’t<br />
know how to make changes for the<br />
better. Paula says that education<br />
and awareness around financial<br />
matters can be hugely powerful<br />
for our wellbeing.<br />
“In psychotherapy, we talk about<br />
individuals flourishing when<br />
they have a positive internal<br />
locus of control, meaning that an<br />
individual feels they have personal<br />
power in their life and therefore<br />
they make positive choices,” she<br />
says. “By increasing awareness<br />
of complicated topics, such as<br />
pensions and taxes, a person<br />
might develop a stronger internal<br />
locus of control, be less avoidant,<br />
and more able to make informed<br />
choices about how to manage their<br />
finances.”<br />
So, here are some expert tips<br />
on how to improve your financial<br />
wellbeing…<br />
GET PRACTICAL<br />
“The best way I learned to manage<br />
my finances was to write down<br />
absolutely everything. I write down<br />
every penny I earn and spend. I use<br />
Google Docs to make spreadsheets<br />
to easily keep track of my income,<br />
outgoings, spending, and savings.<br />
You can also find plenty of free<br />
printable templates online. Writing<br />
everything down has made a huge<br />
difference to my spending habits<br />
and my financial wellbeing. I don’t<br />
tend to overspend so much and I<br />
have managed to keep my savings<br />
goals.” – Claire Roach, money<br />
saving blogger at Daily Deals UK.<br />
PLAN<br />
“Look at the long-term as well as<br />
the short-term – try to look ahead<br />
with your finances. Where do you<br />
want to be in five to 10 years? Are<br />
you thinking about your future<br />
with a pension, or spending on<br />
unnecessary things that are only<br />
bringing you temporary joy rather<br />
than long-term stability?” – Chloe<br />
Rowlands from TIC Finance.<br />
SET A GOAL<br />
“Creating a savings pot can help<br />
you control your spending by<br />
encouraging you to work towards<br />
a specific goal; this could be<br />
anything from a house deposit,<br />
to a holiday. By putting away<br />
a dedicated amount of money<br />
every month, you’ll become more<br />
mindful with your purchases,<br />
knowing that this self-control will<br />
be rewarded.” – John Ellmore from<br />
knowyourmoney.co.uk<br />
Fiona Thomas is a freelance writer<br />
and author, whose book, ‘Depression<br />
in a Digital Age’, is out now. Visit<br />
fionalikestoblog.com for more.<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 37
Photography | Anna Baker<br />
“<br />
Growth begins when we start<br />
to accept our own weakness<br />
– JEAN VANIER
TRUE LIFE<br />
I tore up the<br />
script of my life<br />
On the surface Kerry was living the dream, yet<br />
underneath she was empty, sad, and desperate.<br />
Personal setbacks threatened to be the final<br />
straw – but instead they gave her just the jolt<br />
she needed to change everything<br />
Writing | Kerry Lyons<br />
I’m Kerry Lyons.<br />
The creator of<br />
The Imperfect<br />
Life website and<br />
planner. And<br />
I live with depression,<br />
with pride.<br />
You see, day-to-day, my<br />
time is now filled with<br />
coaching women through<br />
the adventure of turning<br />
their daydreams into their<br />
day jobs; helping them<br />
create the businesses<br />
they were made for, and<br />
designing products that<br />
support them on their<br />
journeys. I can say, handon-heart,<br />
that I love what<br />
I do. But man, it wasn’t<br />
always this way.<br />
Let me take you back to<br />
2006. Justin Timberlake<br />
was bringing ‘SexyBack’.<br />
Gnarls Barkley was ‘Crazy’.<br />
And I didn’t have a clue<br />
whose life I was living.<br />
I was 25, and ripe for<br />
what I’d later learn was a<br />
quarter-life crisis.<br />
I’d always been a hyper,<br />
happy-go-lucky girl, and<br />
my life until that point had<br />
been filled by an almost<br />
manic pursuit to achieve<br />
big fat checks through the<br />
societal tick-boxes of life.<br />
Long-term relationship?<br />
Tick. High grade GCSEs,<br />
A-levels and degree? Tick.<br />
Dream career as a graphic<br />
designer straight out of<br />
uni? Tick. Owning my<br />
dream car three months<br />
into my first proper job?<br />
Tick. Owning my dream<br />
home? Tick. Regular, sunsoaked<br />
holidays? Tick.<br />
So why did I feel the most<br />
empty, the most sad, and<br />
the most confused that I’d<br />
ever felt?<br />
Well, I’d people-pleased<br />
myself into oblivion. On<br />
reflection, I can see now<br />
that I’d been a sponge;<br />
absorbing and responding<br />
to outer expectations, and<br />
finding myself in a life<br />
that society informed me<br />
I should have, without<br />
stopping for a minute to<br />
listen to what I actually<br />
wanted.<br />
But that wasn’t even the<br />
toughest bit. You see, I<br />
felt all this. I was aware<br />
of all this. But I wasn’t<br />
ready to face any of it. The<br />
truth hurt. And the idea<br />
of changing, outwardly<br />
‘failing’ or disappointing<br />
people, was so unbelievably<br />
crippling that it kept me<br />
exactly where I was.<br />
For two whole years.<br />
I remember my decisionmaking<br />
process at the time<br />
was to just ‘pretend I was<br />
fine’. If I just ignored this<br />
pull, this sadness, this<br />
emptiness, if I just painted<br />
on a smile and tried to<br />
be like everybody else, it<br />
would eventually – poof –<br />
go away.<br />
But, of course, it didn’t<br />
go away. In fact, it got<br />
way, way worse. Because,<br />
as it turns out, when you<br />
overrule and ignore your<br />
feelings, intuition, and<br />
instincts, your mind, body,<br />
and even the universe, will<br />
gather forces to find a way<br />
to get you to listen up. And<br />
boy, did they.<br />
Towards the close of<br />
2007, I sank into the<br />
darkest depression of<br />
my life. I could barely<br />
get myself out of bed.<br />
Washing and drying<br />
my hair physically hurt >>><br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 39
every single follicle on<br />
my head. Getting dressed<br />
was a mammoth task. My<br />
favourite foods tasted of<br />
nothing, and everything I<br />
used to love doing just felt<br />
hollow. It was like I’d lost<br />
the ability to feel anything<br />
but pain. And worst of all,<br />
I felt like such a burden<br />
to those closest to me<br />
because I couldn’t explain<br />
what I was experiencing.<br />
The bleakest moment<br />
came when I was<br />
attempting to dry my hair<br />
Kerry in her element, coaching<br />
daydreamers to be action-takers<br />
Slowly, with each big<br />
decision I made, for myself,<br />
my life-cloak of solid-black<br />
darkness began to get shafts<br />
of light punching through<br />
one evening. I already felt<br />
defeated knowing I had<br />
to somehow get myself<br />
up and out to work in<br />
the morning, with tears<br />
streaming down my face<br />
as they so regularly did.<br />
And a voice inside me<br />
poked: ‘What are you<br />
doing Kerry? This isn’t<br />
living. Why are you even<br />
here?’ And my response<br />
to that was absolute<br />
agreement; there wasn’t<br />
any point in living the<br />
way I was. Things would<br />
be better for everyone if I<br />
wasn’t here.<br />
The thought of this being<br />
‘the end’ shocked me. And<br />
as horrific a headspace<br />
as that was to be in, I’m<br />
genuinely grateful that<br />
things got that dark.<br />
Because this is what<br />
brought the fighter out<br />
in me; my inner coach,<br />
who had been there all<br />
along, rooting for me.<br />
This is what jolted me into<br />
fighting for my life.<br />
And that’s when things<br />
started changing, slowly<br />
and painfully, but<br />
changing all the same.<br />
I realised that I couldn’t<br />
get better by myself<br />
anymore, so I finally<br />
started working with a<br />
psychotherapist who<br />
helped me pull out and<br />
work through so much<br />
‘life gumpf’ that I’d<br />
unknowingly buried.<br />
But as helpful and<br />
groundbreaking as that<br />
was, I was still filled with<br />
so much resistance to<br />
change.<br />
So, as ever, the universe<br />
swooped in and got me<br />
to pay attention in the<br />
most heartbreaking of<br />
ways. I lost my pet after 14<br />
gorgeous years together,<br />
my dad got unexpectedly<br />
40 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Photography | Amy-Rose Photography<br />
sick and was rushed to<br />
hospital, my nan passed<br />
away, and I lost one of my<br />
closest friends to breast<br />
cancer at just 26 – all<br />
within the space of a few<br />
months.<br />
The trauma and acute<br />
awareness of my mortality<br />
jolted me into action like<br />
nothing before. Within<br />
weeks, I handed in my<br />
notice at my ‘dream’ job.<br />
I’d sold my ‘dream’ home.<br />
I’d ended my 12-year<br />
relationship. And I’d<br />
moved into my dad’s spare<br />
bedroom shortly before<br />
running away to the west<br />
coast of America and<br />
emigrating to Dublin soon<br />
afterwards!<br />
It was life-changing<br />
action. I tore up the script<br />
of my life. And slowly,<br />
with each big decision<br />
I made, for myself, my<br />
life-cloak of solid-black<br />
darkness began to get<br />
shafts of light punching<br />
through.<br />
Fast-forward 13-plus<br />
years and I’m out the<br />
other side, living the<br />
most insanely imperfectbut-gorgeous<br />
life with<br />
my husband David,<br />
and our daughter Lola,<br />
while building the most<br />
fulfilling business I ever<br />
could have dreamed of.<br />
I’ve spoken at big events,<br />
I’ve launched an online<br />
training academy, and I’ve<br />
single-handedly raised<br />
more than £21,000 on<br />
Kickstarter to bring the<br />
flagship edition of The<br />
Imperfect Life Planner<br />
to life.<br />
And this is why I live<br />
with depression with<br />
pride; not only because<br />
it was the catalyst that<br />
helped me step into the<br />
life I now have, but also<br />
because it continues<br />
to challenge me, help<br />
me grow, and help me<br />
deeply connect with my<br />
clients. I’m by no means<br />
‘fixed’, and life is far from<br />
perfect. But I now know I<br />
don’t want perfect. I just<br />
want a life that’s mine.<br />
If you’re reading<br />
this, feeling that you<br />
can relate and you’re<br />
wondering how you can<br />
begin to create change,<br />
too, please listen to<br />
yourself. Learning and<br />
seeking what you want<br />
and need is not selfish,<br />
nor is it self-serving. It’s<br />
self-love. And there’s no<br />
better gift you can give<br />
to those who care about<br />
you than a you that loves<br />
herself, and the life that<br />
she’s in.<br />
Kerry is running another<br />
crowdfunding campaign<br />
in early <strong>2020</strong> for the third<br />
edition of ‘The Imperfect<br />
Life Planner’, with<br />
some incredible rewards<br />
available for her loyal<br />
backers. Connect with<br />
Kerry on Instagram<br />
@kerrylyonsco, and visit<br />
theimperfectlife.co<br />
I’m by no means ‘fixed’, and<br />
life is far from perfect. But I<br />
now know I don’t want perfect.<br />
I just want a life that’s mine<br />
Who Kerry does it all for: her husband, David, and daughter, Lola<br />
OUR EXPERT SAYS<br />
Kerry’s story shows us that<br />
true happiness doesn’t<br />
come from the way<br />
others perceive us – or<br />
even the way we think<br />
others perceive us – it’s<br />
what is going on inside<br />
that really matters. We<br />
can have all the things<br />
we are ‘supposed’ to have<br />
on the ‘checklist of life’,<br />
but if there’s that nagging<br />
feeling that things aren’t<br />
right, we can’t brush those<br />
feelings aside and hope<br />
they go away – we need to<br />
step up and do something<br />
about it.<br />
Kerry sought professional<br />
help and that began her<br />
journey to finding a way<br />
out, and discovering who<br />
she really was inside. As<br />
Kerry says, if this message<br />
resonates with<br />
you, it could be<br />
time to create<br />
some positive<br />
changes for<br />
yourself, too!<br />
Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr<br />
Life coach<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 41
HAPPIFUL TOP 10<br />
<strong>February</strong><br />
Make the month of romance about loving yourself, every day. Create an outside space<br />
you can enjoy, find the courage to open up about mental health by listening to others,<br />
and check-in with yourself on the app that helps you to take five<br />
1PAGE-TURNERS<br />
RHS Your Wellbeing Garden:<br />
How to Make Your Garden<br />
Good for You – Science, Design,<br />
Practice<br />
Are you curious about how the<br />
great outdoors can enhance<br />
your wellbeing? RHS Your<br />
Wellbeing Garden explores the<br />
secrets of design, plants, and<br />
gardening itself, to help you<br />
get the most out of your green<br />
space.<br />
(Out 6 <strong>February</strong>, DK, £16.99)<br />
OUT AND ABOUT<br />
Nottingham Festival of Science<br />
and Curiosity<br />
3<br />
PUT ON A SHOW<br />
4<br />
The National Wedding<br />
Show, London<br />
Are you planning the wedding<br />
of your dreams? Start your<br />
day with a glass of bubbly<br />
before you walk around with<br />
your wedding party to find<br />
everything you need for your<br />
special day. The show will also<br />
be held in Birmingham and<br />
Manchester in March,<br />
so don’t worry if you have<br />
other engagements.<br />
(15–16 <strong>February</strong>. Visit<br />
nationalweddingshow.co.uk<br />
to find out more)<br />
2<br />
A week-long festival that takes<br />
science out of the lab and into<br />
our everyday lives. This festival is a celebration of knowledge and<br />
curiosity, giving visitors a chance to ask questions as well as share<br />
what they know. Interactive, fun and free events will take place across<br />
Nottingham, with opportunities for people of all ages to get involved.<br />
(12–19 <strong>February</strong>, for more information head to nottsfosac.co.uk)<br />
PLUGGED-IN<br />
Norbert the dog<br />
Meet Norbert, the<br />
very small therapy<br />
dog with a very<br />
big heart. A quick<br />
glance at Norbert’s Instagram<br />
profile is enough to put a smile on<br />
anyone’s face, but our furry friend is<br />
also a registered therapy dog who<br />
volunteers at Children’s Hospital<br />
Los Angeles.<br />
(Follow<br />
@norbertthedog<br />
on Instagram)<br />
5<br />
TECH TIP-OFFS<br />
Stop, Breathe & Think<br />
How often do you take the<br />
time to check in on yourself?<br />
Stop, Breathe & Think helps<br />
you to do just that. Pause<br />
for 10 seconds of breathing<br />
before selecting how you’re<br />
feeling, on a scale of great<br />
to rough. You can also add<br />
in your emotions, and receive<br />
recommended breathing<br />
and meditation exercises based<br />
on how you’re feeling.<br />
(Download from the App Store<br />
and Google Play, find out more at<br />
stopbreathethink.com)
Images | Dolittle: Universal Pictures, Nottingham Festival: nottsfosac.co.uk, Nortbert the dog: Intagram @norbertthedog<br />
6 9<br />
LEND US YOUR EARS<br />
‘Open Mind with Frankie<br />
Bridge’<br />
In her ‘Open Mind’<br />
podcast, Frankie Bridge talks about<br />
the mental health challenges she<br />
has faced, and invites guests such<br />
as Giovanna Fletcher and Andrea<br />
McLean to share their experiences.<br />
Frankie’s new book Open is also out<br />
in <strong>February</strong>, where she shares her<br />
journey with mental health.<br />
(Listen to the podcast on iTunes<br />
and Spotify)<br />
7<br />
SQUARE EYES<br />
A reboot of the family<br />
favourite Doctor Dolittle will be<br />
coming to our screens in <strong>February</strong>!<br />
Featuring a star-studded cast,<br />
including Robert Downey Jr, Tom<br />
Holland, and Emma Thompson,<br />
the animal antics are set to have<br />
you smiling from ear to ear.<br />
Dolittle<br />
(In cinemas 7 <strong>February</strong>)<br />
THE CONVERSATION<br />
Time to Talk Day<br />
We can all help to change the way people think<br />
and act about mental health problems. Time<br />
to Talk Day encourages everyone to be more open about<br />
mental health, and this year it’s using the game ‘Would<br />
You Rather?’ to help<br />
break the ice and<br />
get the conversation<br />
flowing.<br />
(6 <strong>February</strong>, get<br />
involved at time-tochange.org.uk)<br />
8There’s nothing like a batch of warm home-made cookies…<br />
or so we thought! Doughlicious ready-to-bake cookie dough<br />
comes in a range of flavours, from classic chocolate chip to tasty<br />
peanut butter, along with vegan and gluten-free options. Enjoy the<br />
taste of freshly baked cookies without making a mess in the kitchen.<br />
TREAT YOURSELF<br />
Doughlicious<br />
(£3.99, visit doughlicious.co.uk for more)<br />
9<br />
10<br />
GET GOING<br />
Run Your Paws Off – Love Your Dog<br />
Run Your Paws Off are champions of<br />
‘canicross’ – it’s all about being outside<br />
and enjoying running with your dog.<br />
Their ‘Love Your Dog’ event includes a<br />
5K or 10K off-road course, so whether<br />
you’re a keen runner, or looking for a<br />
new way for you and your pet to get<br />
fit, this is pawfect for you!<br />
(16 <strong>February</strong>, find out more at<br />
runyourpawsoff.com)<br />
WIN!<br />
For your chance to win a selection of cookie dough from Doughlicious,<br />
simply send us a message (competitions@happiful.com) with your<br />
answer to the following question:<br />
What year were chocolate chip cookies invented?<br />
a)1938 b)1952 c)1966<br />
UK mainland only. Competition closes on 20 <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>, good luck!
How to rekindle your creativity<br />
and get into creative writing<br />
We’ve all heard about the benefits of writing for pleasure, or as a<br />
therapeutic practice, yet getting started can feel daunting. We share five<br />
ways you can get into creative writing right now<br />
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford<br />
It’s an old adage, yet it’s one that<br />
many of us secretly harbour:<br />
we’ve all got a book inside of<br />
us. “If only I had more time.”<br />
“Work’s too stressful to think about<br />
starting a personal project.” “I’m<br />
just waiting for inspiration to<br />
strike.” Before you know it, weeks,<br />
months, years have passed, all with<br />
nothing to show but that untapped<br />
feeling of “I could be creating<br />
something, if only…”<br />
Whether you’re new to creative<br />
writing, or have just fallen out<br />
of practice, we share five simple<br />
tips to help spark your creativity,<br />
prioritise your passions, and<br />
start writing.<br />
1 EMBRACE COMMUNITY<br />
Writing communities are among<br />
some of the most welcoming and<br />
passionate places – you can make<br />
new friends, gain advice and<br />
guidance. Local writing groups<br />
often offer weekly, bi-weekly, or<br />
monthly sessions where you can<br />
write together, share your work,<br />
gain feedback, and even discover<br />
competitions worth entering.<br />
Some may even offer writing<br />
retreats or regular write-a-thons,<br />
where everyone can get together<br />
and write with no distractions – just<br />
a supportive environment filled with<br />
encouragement.<br />
If you don’t have a group near you,<br />
or your confidence is holding you<br />
back, there are plenty of online<br />
communities for writers of all<br />
genres, styles, and experience levels.<br />
Facebook has many writing groups<br />
(both private and public), as do sites<br />
such as Tumblr and Reddit. Signing<br />
up is free and easy. There’s no need<br />
to feel pressured to share your work<br />
before you’re ready, but you can<br />
still pick up great tips from reading<br />
others’ creative works-in-progress.<br />
2 TAKE UP A 30-DAY CHALLENGE<br />
You may not have heard of it, but<br />
each year thousands of writers<br />
around the world take on the<br />
National Novel Writing Month<br />
(NaNoWriMo) challenge. Based<br />
around the idea of writing 50,000<br />
words in just 30 days, the goal is to<br />
focus on getting a first draft done<br />
without getting caught up in editing,<br />
polishing, and restarting the bits that<br />
aren’t quite there yet, or that you’re<br />
struggling with.<br />
While the official NaNoWriMo<br />
takes place every November, many<br />
online writing groups and websites<br />
offer 30-day prompts to help<br />
get you started. A great way of<br />
challenging you to write outside<br />
of your comfort zone, a prompt<br />
may include writing in a different<br />
genre, including a set theme, item,<br />
or setting. Books such as The Five-<br />
Minute Writer or The Write Stuff are<br />
filled with prompts, exercises, and<br />
inspirations to get you writing now,<br />
rather than waiting for that elusive<br />
‘perfect idea’.<br />
3 REDISCOVER YOUR<br />
LOVE OF READING<br />
If you’re ever stuck for inspiration,<br />
going back and reading your<br />
favourite book can help you<br />
remember why you love writing.<br />
‘You can’t be a good writer without<br />
being a reader’ is something drilled<br />
into writing students throughout<br />
their time at uni, and it really holds<br />
true. How can you know what’s<br />
already been overdone within<br />
your preferred genre, if you don’t<br />
read? How can you keep pushing<br />
yourself to do your best, if you<br />
don’t have benchmarks to aim for?<br />
Reading can be an important part<br />
of the process – just make sure<br />
you don’t allow it to consume all of<br />
your precious time for creativity.<br />
44 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
‘If your confidence is holding you<br />
back, try online writing communities’<br />
Try online book recommendation<br />
sites like GoodReads to find<br />
out what’s popular within your<br />
genre, or to discover entirely new<br />
subgenres of fiction you didn’t<br />
know were out there.<br />
4 CREATE A SCHEDULE<br />
Neil Gaiman once said: “To be a<br />
good writer… read a lot and write<br />
every day.” An ethos shared by<br />
many successful writers, the idea<br />
is that writing every day creates<br />
a positive habit that can help<br />
avoid common excuses that hold<br />
us back. Writer’s block may feel<br />
very real for us, but by creating<br />
writing habits that work with<br />
your schedule – even if that’s just<br />
sitting down for 15 minutes with<br />
your morning coffee and a blank<br />
notebook – you can train yourself<br />
to push through the parts of the<br />
creative process that you struggle<br />
with. With time and practice, you<br />
will start to find it easier to write.<br />
5 LET GO OF PERFECTION<br />
We’d all like to think that we could<br />
be the next JK Rowling or Stephen<br />
King, but the truth is, almost<br />
no authors get it right the first<br />
time. A first draft is meant to be<br />
just that – a draft. When we get<br />
overwhelmed with our need to<br />
create something that is perfect,<br />
we allow our worries and fears<br />
to rule. Soon the creative process<br />
can slow or even grind to a halt.<br />
Instead of aiming for perfection,<br />
challenge yourself to just get<br />
something done. It could be a<br />
set chapter or number of words,<br />
or even just a paragraph. Set<br />
yourself a goal, and start writing<br />
without re-reading or editing as<br />
you go. You may be surprised at<br />
just how freeing it can feel.<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 45
“<br />
Who looks outside, dreams;<br />
who looks inside, awakes<br />
– CARL JUNG<br />
Photography | Gerardo Rojas<br />
46 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
In it to<br />
QUIT it<br />
A smoking addiction can easily take over your life. But it doesn’t have to be<br />
that way. We speak with clinical hypnotherapy expert Andrew Major to get<br />
some tips for stubbing out this bad habit, for good<br />
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler<br />
According to the pressures,” Andrew explains.<br />
Office for National “So, making the decision to stop<br />
Statistics, 58.4% of smoking for good can seem like a<br />
people who smoke daunting task, as it involves letting<br />
cigarettes say that go of a crutch that smokers may<br />
they want to quit. believe helps them cope.”<br />
And yet 7.2 million people in the It’s true that smoking, on the<br />
UK are still smoking.<br />
surface, can feel like it’s benefiting<br />
So what’s the hold-up?<br />
our mental health – calming<br />
When it comes to addiction, the anxious minds and relaxing our<br />
answer is never straightforward. A bodies. Despite this, Andrew<br />
plethora of reasons, from genetics points to studies which suggest<br />
to the environment we live in, can that smoking can actually lead to<br />
affect the ways that we respond poor mental health in the long<br />
to stimulants, meaning that the term, as the cigarettes temporarily<br />
journey to giving up the habit increase the feel-good hormone<br />
can vary hugely from person to dopamine, encouraging the brain<br />
person.<br />
to switch off its own dopamine<br />
But, as Andrew Major – a clinical production.<br />
hypnotherapist – points out,<br />
“A lot of my clients say that they<br />
making the decision to quit in the smoke to help them deal with<br />
first place can be a big challenge stressful situations,” says Andrew.<br />
in itself.<br />
“But in fact, turning to chemical<br />
“Many people believe that<br />
substitutes to relieve stress when<br />
smoking helps them relax, relieves you’re having a bad day actually<br />
stress, and gives them time out increases the risks of depression<br />
away from daily work or family and anxiety, because smoking >>><br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 47
CONTROL CRAVINGS<br />
According to the NHS, on<br />
average cravings last five<br />
minutes. If a craving hits,<br />
try one of these five-minute<br />
activities:<br />
• Go for a walk around<br />
the block<br />
• Play a mobile game<br />
• Tidy up your space<br />
• Listen to music<br />
• Do a quick workout<br />
• Make a round of tea or<br />
coffee<br />
• Suck on a hard sweet<br />
• Do a puzzle<br />
• Prepare some food<br />
• Read a book<br />
affects the hypothalamic-pituitaryadrenal<br />
axis (the system that<br />
controls our response to stress).<br />
This leads to the production of<br />
an overload of hormones like<br />
cortisol, which affects the way<br />
we regulate reactions to difficult<br />
situations and experiences.”<br />
Of course, as well as the mental<br />
health side-effects, smoking comes<br />
with serious physical health risks.<br />
According to the NHS, smoking is<br />
the cause of 70% of lung cancers,<br />
and can also cause cancer in other<br />
parts of the body including the<br />
mouth, throat, liver, stomach, and<br />
bowel. In addition, smoking can<br />
lead to heart and lung disease, and<br />
reduce fertility in both men and<br />
women.<br />
So, when you’re ready to stop<br />
smoking, what are the options? For<br />
some, switching to alternatives,<br />
It isn’t magic,<br />
but it does help you<br />
to use your mind in<br />
a fundamentally<br />
different way<br />
such as nicotine patches and gum<br />
can be a good way to gently move<br />
away from cigarettes. For others,<br />
going ‘cold turkey’ and cutting<br />
them out immediately, spending<br />
more time with non-smokers, or<br />
attending support groups, can help.<br />
In Andrew’s practice, he uses<br />
solution-focused hypnotherapy<br />
and neuro-linguistic programming<br />
(NLP) techniques to help his<br />
clients fundamentally understand<br />
why the addiction has formed, and<br />
ultimately kick the habit for good.<br />
“In a single two-hour session,<br />
we begin by talking to you about<br />
why and how you smoke,” Andrew<br />
explains. “Critically, we also talk<br />
about how the mind works in<br />
relation to smoking. This helps<br />
you develop a different mindset<br />
in relation to smoking, such as an<br />
understanding of how the internal<br />
conflict develops in your mind,<br />
so you can overcome the fear of<br />
stopping.”<br />
Another important part of the<br />
process, Andrew says, is reflecting<br />
on the impact that smoking is<br />
having on you. Are you having to<br />
keep to a tight budget to pay for<br />
cigarettes? Do you suffer from<br />
nasty colds in the winter? Are you<br />
losing out on time spent with your<br />
friends and family?<br />
A key ingredient for hypnotherapy<br />
is a positive, willing mindset.<br />
And so for Andrew, ensuring that<br />
clients are committed to the idea of<br />
quitting is essential.<br />
“We then consolidate the<br />
discussion with the use of<br />
hypnosis to reprogram your<br />
subconscious mind, remove any<br />
conflict and fears that have held<br />
you back,” Andrew continues. “It<br />
isn’t magic, but it does help you to<br />
use your mind in a fundamentally<br />
different way, taking away your<br />
desire to smoke so you will no<br />
longer see smoking as something<br />
48 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Making the<br />
decision to stop<br />
smoking for good can<br />
seem like a daunting<br />
task, as it involves<br />
letting go of a crutch<br />
THREE TIPS TO TRY<br />
FROM DAY ONE<br />
Andrew says:<br />
• Understand how smoking<br />
affects your overall health<br />
Take the time to research the<br />
damage smoking causes,<br />
to boost your inner strength<br />
and determination.<br />
• Visualise the benefits<br />
How will your life be better<br />
once you have quit? Write<br />
down a list.<br />
• Practise positivity<br />
When we make a conscious<br />
effort to recognise the<br />
positive things in life, we<br />
build new, helpful thought<br />
patterns which help us move<br />
forward with a more positive<br />
mindset.<br />
you like – you will see it for the<br />
danger it really is.”<br />
Brighter things are on the<br />
horizon. Within just 20 minutes<br />
of quitting smoking, your heart<br />
rate and blood pressure drop<br />
back to normal. After 12 weeks,<br />
circulation and lung function<br />
increases. A year in, the risk of<br />
coronary heart disease drops by<br />
50%, 15 years down the line and it<br />
returns to that of a non-smoker.<br />
Breaking any kind of addiction is<br />
never an easy feat. And yet, with<br />
good support, and with the right<br />
goals in mind, you can take back<br />
control and kick the habit for good.<br />
Andrew Major is a solutionfocused<br />
clinical hypnotherapist<br />
who combines psychotherapy and<br />
clinical hypnotherapy techniques,<br />
based on the latest research from<br />
neuroscience. Find out more at<br />
andrewmajorhypnotherapy.co.uk<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 49
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50 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> HAPPILOVE, <strong>2020</strong> which expires on 19 March <strong>2020</strong>. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com
LET’S GET<br />
PHYSICAL<br />
We all know that our mental health can be impacted by<br />
physical illness, but have you ever thought about how that<br />
connection goes both ways?<br />
Writing | Katie Conibear<br />
A<br />
few years ago, I was notice a pattern, and that these poor mental health on physical<br />
ill with a bout of<br />
inner ear infections were somehow illnesses costs the NHS at least £8<br />
depression. I felt linked to my mental ill-health... billion a year.<br />
incredibly low, was<br />
But the best way to understand<br />
hardly sleeping, and HOW DOES MENTAL HEALTH the connection is on a personal<br />
felt a crushing lack of self-worth.<br />
I remember being at work when<br />
all of a sudden I felt incredibly<br />
dizzy and shaky. I was suffering<br />
with intense migraines and felt<br />
exhausted.<br />
My doctor diagnosed me<br />
with labyrinthitis, an inner ear<br />
infection, and I was signed off sick<br />
for three weeks. The only thing<br />
that made me feel remotely better<br />
was to lie in bed in the dark. I<br />
spent days in bed, unable to look<br />
at screens, or eat properly. All I<br />
could do was sleep.<br />
This kept happening to me.<br />
Every few months I would develop<br />
another ear infection.<br />
I live with bipolar disorder and<br />
have mania, which fills me with<br />
energy. I’m often ‘on the go’ for<br />
months on end, then when this<br />
feeling goes away, I crash and<br />
become depressed. I began to<br />
AFFECT US PHYSICALLY?<br />
Have you ever really thought about<br />
all the various physical symptoms<br />
we get with mental illness? Your<br />
stomach twisting in knots when<br />
anxious, migraines when stressed,<br />
insomnia, a racing heart, catching<br />
more colds and the flu… The list<br />
goes on and on.<br />
While the impact of physical<br />
illnesses on our mental health<br />
is more understood, the way<br />
our mental health can impact us<br />
physically seems less discussed –<br />
and yet research suggests they are<br />
intrinsically linked.<br />
On a societal scale, understanding<br />
this connection is important, as<br />
when mental health problems<br />
exacerbate physical illness, they<br />
can affect outcomes and the cost<br />
of treatment. In fact, The King’s<br />
Fund and Centre for Mental<br />
Health estimates that the effect of<br />
level. Take Liz, who lives with<br />
borderline personality disorder,<br />
mixed anxiety and depressive<br />
disorder. She believes her mental<br />
ill-health led her to develop<br />
irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).<br />
“It plays up when I go into crisis,”<br />
Liz says. “When my mental health<br />
is suffering, I also tend to get an<br />
extreme illness – or at least that’s<br />
how it feels. I generally feel aches<br />
and pains throughout my body.”<br />
Olivia, who has bipolar disorder,<br />
noticed an impact of her condition<br />
on her physical self as well.<br />
“When I experience depression, I<br />
feel it in my bones. I feel unstable<br />
when walking. My entire body<br />
feels cold and detached. When I<br />
experience hypomania, my heart<br />
races, my head spins. When I<br />
experience anxiety, my stomach<br />
literally knots, and it triggers IBS<br />
episodes. >>><br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 51
to be associated with an increased<br />
risk of coronary heart disease.<br />
Hayden, who lives with anxiety<br />
and panic attacks, recalls being<br />
taken to hospital with chest pains.<br />
“It’s happened to me a fair few<br />
times. I now suffer with sleep<br />
anxiety, where I’m awake for three<br />
days straight at times, because<br />
I’m terrified to sleep in case<br />
something happens.”<br />
This lack of rest caused by her<br />
anxiety, as you can imagine, is<br />
affecting her physical health.<br />
“The only way I can explain it is<br />
the way some people have fear of<br />
food, I have a fear of sleep – which<br />
can mess up blood pressure and<br />
general health. Now I’m finding<br />
my hair is falling out, even walking<br />
can be difficult.”<br />
When I experience depression, I<br />
feel it in my bones. I feel unstable<br />
when walking. My entire body<br />
feels cold and detached. When I<br />
experience hypomania, my heart<br />
races, my head spins<br />
“Because of my psychosis, I take<br />
anti-psychotics that are known<br />
to cause weight gain and heart<br />
conditions. I’m constantly tested<br />
through ECG, blood tests, scans…<br />
It’s a difficult balance to maintain,”<br />
Olivia adds. “Mental illness has not<br />
just affected me psychologically,<br />
but I live with several physical<br />
health issues. It’s like your whole<br />
body is either completely shutting<br />
down or revved up.”<br />
WHAT’S THE EVIDENCE?<br />
While even short-term anxiety can<br />
show physical symptoms, such as<br />
headaches, increased heart rate,<br />
and difficulty breathing, it’s the<br />
long-term mental illnesses and<br />
their impact on our overall health<br />
that are the greatest concern.<br />
A study from the British<br />
Medical Journal reports that poor<br />
mental health can actually lead<br />
to an increased risk of some<br />
conditions. In a study examining<br />
mortality rates in cancer patients,<br />
researchers reported that people<br />
with the highest levels of self-rated<br />
distress (compared to lowest rates)<br />
were 32% more likely to have died.<br />
Depression has also been found<br />
Dr Natasha Bijlani, consultant<br />
psychiatrist at the Priory<br />
Hospital Roehampton, explains<br />
that optimal health involves<br />
maintaining a reasonable balance<br />
of many factors.<br />
“Mental and physical health are<br />
inextricably linked. When people<br />
become mentally unwell, they are<br />
also likely to experience various<br />
physical symptoms. Those with<br />
poor mental health are less likely<br />
to receive the physical health<br />
care they’re entitled to, partly<br />
because they are less likely to<br />
seek treatment for these issues,<br />
52 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Top tips to support your mental<br />
and physical health:<br />
• Consistency is key, so try to<br />
develop and stick to routines<br />
that support your health,<br />
such as a set bedtime, eating<br />
healthily, and exercising<br />
regularly.<br />
• Keep a diary or record of your<br />
emotional state, alongside<br />
sickness. If you notice a pattern,<br />
you can start to think about<br />
how to address the issue.<br />
• Take time out to recharge when<br />
you spot early symptoms – the<br />
sooner you address things the<br />
better in the long-run.<br />
• Ask for help when you need it –<br />
whether from friends, family, or<br />
your workplace.<br />
but also because professionals<br />
tend to focus on alleviating their<br />
emotional distress, rather than<br />
screening for or treating physical<br />
symptoms that might also be<br />
present.”<br />
SO WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?<br />
Knowing we often feel run down<br />
when our mental health is not in<br />
a good place, it’s important to look<br />
after our overall health. Having<br />
a sleep routine, eating healthily,<br />
taking regular exercise, and any<br />
prescribed medications will<br />
benefit general health.<br />
“Lifestyle factors are known to<br />
play a strong role in maintaining<br />
all-round health,” Dr Bijlani<br />
explains. “Those who become<br />
mentally unwell can sometimes<br />
either neglect such factors, or<br />
their symptoms prevent them<br />
from maintaining healthy habits.<br />
These can include disturbances<br />
in sleep and appetite, which can<br />
affect their energy levels and<br />
performance, as well as nutritional<br />
status. Oversleeping, or inability<br />
to get enough sleep, affects<br />
bodily functions, including blood<br />
pressure, risk of stroke, heart<br />
attacks, diabetes, forgetfulness,<br />
impaired judgement, and can lead<br />
to increased risk of accidents.”<br />
With mental illnesses, it’s<br />
important to understand why we<br />
become unwell in the first place.<br />
Looking out for warning signs, the<br />
early symptoms and triggers of<br />
mental illnesses, help us to seek<br />
help and make lifestyle changes.<br />
We can ask for support, or confide<br />
in friends and family how we’re<br />
feeling. The more we educate<br />
ourselves about mental health, the<br />
more we can look after our health<br />
overall.<br />
Katie Conibear is a freelance writer,<br />
focusing on mental health. She blogs<br />
at stumblingmind.com and has a<br />
podcast, ‘A Life Lived Vividly’, with<br />
a focus on hearing voices.<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 53
Good<br />
vibrations<br />
A practice founded on the belief in a ‘life force energy’ that runs<br />
through us all, Reiki is a complementary therapy that’s thought<br />
to aid ailments from depression to chronic pain. So what can<br />
you expect from a session? <strong>Happiful</strong>’s Kathryn Wheeler finds<br />
out what makes this ancient technique relevant in <strong>2020</strong>, and<br />
what really goes on behind the therapy room doors<br />
54 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
On a mid-week<br />
afternoon, the low<br />
winter sun was<br />
catching on the<br />
leaves of a long,<br />
tree-lined avenue leading to the<br />
Surrey and Hampshire Wellbeing<br />
Clinic, where I had come to try<br />
Reiki for the first time.<br />
Reiki is a holistic therapeutic<br />
practice that is centred on the<br />
belief in a ‘life force energy’. This<br />
‘energy’ is thought to flow through<br />
all of us, and the world around us,<br />
and followers of Reiki believe that<br />
the energies can be rebalanced by<br />
practitioners – the results being a<br />
calm, soothed, body and mind.<br />
I arrived at the centre and was<br />
led into a low-lit treatment room<br />
by Reiki master Jenny Douglas.<br />
Sitting on deep, comfortable<br />
chairs, each holding a mug of<br />
herbal tea, I admitted that I didn’t<br />
have a clue what to expect from<br />
the session. Although, in part,<br />
this was a deliberate choice – I<br />
didn’t want to obsess over other<br />
people’s experiences to the point<br />
where I created a mental checklist<br />
for my own.<br />
But what I did know before<br />
the session was that this was an<br />
unintrusive therapy, meaning<br />
that you remain fully clothed<br />
throughout, with little-to-no<br />
physical contact, depending on<br />
the therapist. And that over the<br />
course of the hour session, the<br />
therapist would move their hands<br />
over your body to rebalance and<br />
manipulate your energies.<br />
In the centre of the room was<br />
a massage table. I lay down on<br />
a soft pillow and was covered<br />
with a heavy wool blanket. As I<br />
closed my eyes and settled down,<br />
low ambient music played in the<br />
background, and I instantly started<br />
to feel relaxed.<br />
Jenny’s role in the Reiki session is<br />
to act as a mirror for my ‘energies’,<br />
able to pick up on the areas of<br />
my body where the energy is<br />
strongest, and where it needs to be<br />
rebalanced. Using her hands, she<br />
began by lightly touching my head.<br />
What happened next was<br />
unexpected.<br />
I felt as though my head was<br />
expanding, or perhaps more<br />
accurately, I suddenly couldn’t tell<br />
where my head stopped and Jenny’s<br />
hands began. It was unlike anything<br />
I had experienced before, and yet<br />
at no point did it feel alarming or<br />
uncomfortable. It was a kind of<br />
tingling, mixed with a sensation of<br />
heat, but all of it pleasant.<br />
Throughout the<br />
session, I was<br />
able to tune in<br />
to my body in an<br />
entirely new way<br />
Jenny moved down to my ears and<br />
neck, and then my chest, before<br />
holding her hands over my legs<br />
and feet. At points, the sensations<br />
felt more intense than others –<br />
especially around my ears, and<br />
later my ankles. And throughout<br />
the process, I felt as though I had<br />
slipped into the state of mind<br />
similar to when you are on the edge<br />
of falling asleep, where you feel<br />
warm, relaxed, and slow.<br />
As time went on, I was able to<br />
tune in to my body in an entirely<br />
new way. Feeling the sensations,<br />
TRY THIS AT HOME<br />
At the core of it, Reiki is about<br />
tuning in to ourselves and<br />
the world around us. Is there<br />
a place you’ve visited that<br />
feels special to you? Perhaps<br />
a historical site, or a natural<br />
spot that you feel especially<br />
drawn to? Make a solo trip<br />
and take a quiet moment to<br />
tune in to how that space<br />
makes you feel. Let whatever<br />
you are feeling wash over you,<br />
and allow your mind to be<br />
free to explore.<br />
whatever they may have been,<br />
moving down my body gave me<br />
the opportunity to check in with<br />
each part and realise where I was<br />
holding on to the most tension.<br />
When the session finished,<br />
Jenny gently touched me on the<br />
shoulder. I opened my eyes, and<br />
stood up feeling soothed and slow,<br />
as if I had just woken up from a<br />
long, nourishing sleep.<br />
Leaving the clinic, I went about<br />
the rest of my day. But I felt<br />
different. I felt lighter, as if my<br />
worries had melted away. I was<br />
refreshed and rejuvenated.<br />
For those already some way into<br />
their own spiritual journey, Reiki<br />
is said to tune in to everything,<br />
from stress and anxiety, through<br />
to bodily pain. But for people<br />
like me, for whom this is a whole<br />
new world, it’s an opportunity to<br />
understand how your body holds<br />
on to tension. And at the end of<br />
the day, however you choose to<br />
do it, we all stand to benefit from<br />
taking time to slow down, catch<br />
a quiet moment, and listen to our<br />
bodies.<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 55
“<br />
Strength lies in diff erences,<br />
not in similarities<br />
– STEPHEN R COVEY<br />
Photography | Joseph Greve
TRUE LIFE<br />
How being<br />
bipolar was a<br />
blessing for me<br />
After a dramatic breakdown in Italy, Dan stripped<br />
his life back to the basics. For six months he may<br />
have lost his sense of self, but gradually he found<br />
a new purpose – as a motivational speaker and<br />
mental health activist<br />
Writing | Dan Keeley<br />
Seven years ago,<br />
I was diagnosed<br />
with bipolar<br />
disorder. Now I<br />
consider it my blessing.<br />
Let’s be 100% clear,<br />
bipolar disorder can be a<br />
b*tch. On any given day it<br />
can wear you down, pump<br />
you up, play tricks on you,<br />
be all-consuming. It will<br />
take you down paths you<br />
could never imagine (some<br />
good, some bad), and it<br />
will make you ask yourself<br />
the biggest questions in<br />
life. And for that last part,<br />
I am truly grateful.<br />
Through the first half of<br />
2012, my mind took me<br />
on such a journey that I<br />
ended up preaching from<br />
the middle lane of a major<br />
motorway in northern<br />
Italy at rush hour – not to<br />
be recommended!<br />
After six months of<br />
escalating moods, and<br />
ignoring all the warning<br />
signs – the fast talking,<br />
the racing thoughts, the<br />
sleepless nights, the poor<br />
nutrition, the excessive<br />
spending – my mind took<br />
me from believing I was<br />
the next Steve Jobs, to<br />
believing in my core that I<br />
was The Chosen One.<br />
I was ‘the one’ who<br />
was put on this planet to<br />
show people how to ‘slow<br />
down and follow your<br />
heart’, which at the time I<br />
believed was the answer to<br />
all the world’s suffering.<br />
But there were two<br />
main issues as I stood on<br />
that motorway: firstly,<br />
my mind was going at<br />
200mph; and secondly, I<br />
wasn’t showing anyone<br />
how to slow down and<br />
follow their heart, I was<br />
trying to force them to.<br />
Combined, this was never<br />
going to end well.<br />
Soon I was being fasttracked<br />
to the closest<br />
psychiatric ward and being<br />
pumped full of drugs to<br />
make me slow down. Soon<br />
I was repatriated back to<br />
the UK, with two nurses<br />
who had to fly out to bring<br />
me home. I was in the<br />
Maudsley Hospital in south<br />
London in a crippling state<br />
of confusion, given that<br />
five minutes ago I thought<br />
we’d be setting up our new<br />
world headquarters at the<br />
Colosseum in Rome. Soon<br />
came the diagnoses. Then,<br />
now home, the worst six<br />
months of my life kicked<br />
in. Six months where, quite<br />
simply, I wanted to take my<br />
own life.<br />
If we go that high, we’re<br />
going to crash down<br />
with the biggest bang<br />
imaginable, right? This<br />
was it. And if I had to<br />
choose just two words to<br />
sum up this whole chapter,<br />
they would be… to endure.<br />
My mind had made me<br />
believe I was ‘the one’,<br />
100% convinced by my<br />
ideas, my thoughts, and<br />
every word that was<br />
leaving my lips. Now, here<br />
I was, completely numb,<br />
in limbo, emotionless,<br />
barely living, barely<br />
breathing, overwhelmed,<br />
crippled, debilitated,<br />
broken, bed-bound…<br />
done. Or was I? Not quite.<br />
With an incredible<br />
amount of love, patience,<br />
kindness, and warmth<br />
from those closest to me,<br />
plus my professional >>><br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 57
Dan raised more than<br />
£15,000 for CALM with<br />
his Rome to Home project<br />
Whatever you may be going<br />
through right now, just<br />
remember this – that when<br />
suffering finds meaning, it<br />
ceases to be suffering<br />
counsellors who guided<br />
me through the rocky<br />
waters, I stripped it all<br />
back and started again.<br />
I mean I really stripped<br />
it all back! We’re talking<br />
ridding myself of physical<br />
possessions and clutter,<br />
the apps on my phone,<br />
email subscriptions,<br />
unimportant<br />
responsibilities, negative<br />
relationships… anything<br />
that was getting in the<br />
way of the five things that<br />
truly mattered most: my<br />
health (both mental and<br />
physical), relationships,<br />
passions, growth, and<br />
being in service to other<br />
people.<br />
See, this is the part where<br />
I was forced to ask myself<br />
the biggest questions in<br />
life, namely what truly<br />
matters most. And it really<br />
started working.<br />
Clearing away life’s<br />
excess, so I could<br />
concentrate as much of my<br />
time, energy, and focus on<br />
these five light bulb areas,<br />
really started to work<br />
for me. So much so that,<br />
by 2013, I was going out<br />
in public again, back in<br />
employment, socialising,<br />
and being open about my<br />
experiences to others, and<br />
I was being asked to share<br />
my story.<br />
And three incredible<br />
things started to happen.<br />
I felt lighter every time I<br />
shared my story. I started<br />
building an even greater<br />
support network around<br />
me. And on pretty much<br />
every occasion, sharing<br />
my story gave permission<br />
for others to share theirs.<br />
This was truly gamechanging.<br />
And I knew I<br />
had to do something more<br />
with this.<br />
So, what better way<br />
to give permission to<br />
hundreds of others to<br />
speak up about their<br />
experiences with their<br />
mental health than by<br />
creating a huge project<br />
and platform to do so?<br />
What if – five years on<br />
from the motorway<br />
incident – I were to take<br />
on a big running challenge<br />
to share my story on a<br />
national scale? What if I<br />
returned to Italy, but this<br />
time, instead of losing<br />
my sh*t, I were to run –<br />
solo and self-supported<br />
– 1,250 miles from the<br />
Colosseum in Rome back<br />
to the London Eye? In that<br />
58 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Find out more about Dan at<br />
dankeeley.co, and follow him<br />
on Twitter @iamdankeeley<br />
I felt lighter every<br />
time I shared<br />
my story. And<br />
on pretty much<br />
every occasion,<br />
sharing my story<br />
gave permission<br />
for others to<br />
share theirs<br />
moment, my Rome To<br />
Home project was born!<br />
And we smashed it!<br />
‘We’ as in everyone who<br />
supported me on this<br />
mental adventure over the<br />
years, who were with me<br />
in spirit every step of the<br />
way – and without whom I<br />
could not have done it.<br />
This was majestic. This<br />
was an oil painting I was<br />
lucky enough to live in for<br />
65 days, waking up every<br />
day with an overwhelming<br />
sense of gratitude to be<br />
out there, five years on,<br />
having responded to those<br />
big questions I asked<br />
myself when I was pinned<br />
to my bed for six months.<br />
Having given myself the<br />
time to get my mental<br />
health in the best shape to<br />
take on this adventure.<br />
And this time, without<br />
knowing it (until someone<br />
whispered this in my ear<br />
when I finally arrived at<br />
the London Eye), I was<br />
now truly showing the<br />
world how we can slow<br />
down and follow our<br />
hearts, on a massive scale.<br />
Each step of the<br />
adventure lit up my five<br />
light bulbs: my health (I<br />
was in the best shape of<br />
my life), my relationships<br />
(imagine the people I met,<br />
and the support online),<br />
my passions (obviously),<br />
my growth (beyond<br />
words), and being in<br />
service to other people (I<br />
raised more than £15,000<br />
for the Campaign Against<br />
Living Miserably, who<br />
were absolute rock stars<br />
behind the scenes). This<br />
was life-affirming.<br />
I’ll say it again, bipolar<br />
disorder can be a<br />
b*tch. But without the<br />
experiences of 2012, would<br />
I have taken on such an<br />
adventure, one which<br />
kick-started my career as a<br />
professional speaker and<br />
mental health activist, one<br />
where I get to wake up<br />
every day and empower<br />
everyone across the UK<br />
to speak up when we’re<br />
suffering? No chance.<br />
What advice would I give<br />
to anyone going through<br />
a similar struggle? To<br />
hold on, to know that<br />
we’re all in this together,<br />
to know that every single<br />
one of us is suffering<br />
with something and that<br />
together – by speaking up<br />
– we truly can show future<br />
generations how it’s done.<br />
So, I’m telling you that<br />
whatever you may be<br />
going through right now,<br />
just remember this – that<br />
when suffering finds<br />
meaning, it ceases to be<br />
suffering.<br />
We’ve got this.<br />
OUR EXPERT SAYS<br />
Dan’s bipolar hit a<br />
crisis with his extreme<br />
changing moods, which<br />
took him from euphoric<br />
to despairing. With the<br />
support of professionals<br />
and his friends, he started<br />
his journey to recovery,<br />
slowly finding out what he<br />
needed, and focusing on<br />
what was core to him as a<br />
person. Through setting<br />
himself the challenge<br />
of running home from<br />
Rome, he revisited his<br />
recovery in an emotional<br />
way, which helped him<br />
to have purpose. So often<br />
finding meaning<br />
in our lives<br />
can help us to<br />
cope better with<br />
suffering.<br />
Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP<br />
Reg Ind counsellor<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 59
How to<br />
conquer your<br />
shopping<br />
£<br />
addiction<br />
£<br />
Compulsive spending can lead to psychological problems, relationship<br />
difficulties, and serious debt. If you find it hard to resist temptation, here are<br />
some strategies to help control your urge to splurge<br />
Writing | Wendy Gregory Illustrating | Rosan Magar<br />
Addiction is defined<br />
as a compulsive<br />
engagement in<br />
rewarding behaviour,<br />
despite adverse consequences.<br />
A bit of retail therapy might not<br />
be the first thing that springs to<br />
mind when you hear this, but<br />
thanks to apps, instant pay, and<br />
targeted advertising, shopping<br />
is easier than ever, and most of<br />
us occasionally make impulse<br />
buys – especially during the<br />
sales. Often, we regret it when<br />
we get home, realising we’ve<br />
wasted money on something we<br />
don’t need. But for an addict,<br />
shopping can be used to avoid<br />
feelings of depression, anxiety,<br />
low self-esteem, or boredom.<br />
The act of buying something,<br />
in a shop or online, produces<br />
a surge of adrenaline and<br />
dopamine, making it feel<br />
exciting and pleasurable. It can<br />
also relieve anxiety and stress,<br />
but only temporarily. Soon after,<br />
the shopping addict is likely to<br />
experience guilt and shame,<br />
leading to further low mood and<br />
anxiety. As with all addictions,<br />
it’s usually a secretive activity.<br />
There will be a progressive loss of<br />
control, and increasing compulsive<br />
buying, even though the addict<br />
knows it is causing them problems.
The adverse consequences are<br />
not limited to psychological and<br />
emotional difficulty, but can lead to<br />
relationship problems, and serious<br />
debt, as the addict continues to<br />
buy things that they don’t need,<br />
on credit. Because of the instant<br />
gratification it brings, making<br />
impulse purchases masks the true<br />
cause of the anxiety, and may<br />
prevent the addict from seeking<br />
more long-term solutions or<br />
treatment for their anxiety.<br />
Because so few people with a<br />
compulsive overspending problem<br />
report it or seek help, it’s very hard<br />
to know exactly how many people<br />
experience this. Some studies,<br />
however, estimate that between<br />
30% and 50% of Europeans suffer<br />
from at least mild to moderate lack<br />
of control when spending.<br />
Whether you feel you have a<br />
serious problem with shopping<br />
addiction, or whether you would<br />
just like to resist occasional impulse<br />
purchases, there are strategies to<br />
help you break that pattern.<br />
OUT AND ABOUT<br />
Give yourself time<br />
If you’re tempted to make an<br />
impulse purchase, tell yourself that<br />
you’ll wait a couple of days and if<br />
you still really want it and can afford<br />
it, then you’ll go back to get it.<br />
Make a list<br />
Even going to the supermarket for<br />
the weekly food shop can lead to<br />
overspending, so do the<br />
old-fashioned thing<br />
and make a shopping<br />
list before you go – and<br />
stick to it. There is<br />
also something<br />
quite satisfying<br />
about getting to<br />
cross things out<br />
on your list!<br />
Just take cash<br />
To avoid temptation when you are<br />
out shopping, just take the amount<br />
of cash you need. Leave cards at<br />
home. That way you can’t make an<br />
impulse buy.<br />
ONLINE SHOPPING<br />
It’s so easy to scroll through<br />
eBay or ASOS every evening, and<br />
many people find it extremely<br />
hard to break the pattern, in<br />
spite of escalating debts. Online<br />
sites exacerbate the problem<br />
by constantly coming up with<br />
suggestions for items you might<br />
also like, and it’s all too easy to<br />
click on them. So how can you get<br />
out of such addictive routines?<br />
Cold turkey<br />
The fastest way to treat any<br />
addiction is to go cold turkey,<br />
which means abruptly stopping<br />
completely. To do this you would<br />
need to delete those sites from<br />
your devices, and seek other ways<br />
to control the anxiety.<br />
Gradual withdrawal<br />
If that’s too difficult, it can be done<br />
more gradually. You could limit<br />
the time you spend browsing. For<br />
example, stick to 30 minutes at a<br />
set time every day, then browse<br />
every alternate day, gradually<br />
reducing it each week. Do<br />
something constructive with the<br />
time you’d normally spend online<br />
(exercise, cooking, writing, etc).<br />
Distraction<br />
If you can’t resist, then before you<br />
hit buy, get up and do something<br />
that distracts you for 10 minutes.<br />
Most cravings subside in that time.<br />
Or put it in your basket and resolve<br />
not to check out until the next day.<br />
You will probably find that your<br />
urge to splurge goes.<br />
Have a positive plan<br />
Add up the amount you’ve spent<br />
shopping online over the past<br />
month. Work out what this<br />
amounts to in a year and make a<br />
goal to save the money instead, to<br />
put it towards something you really<br />
want (a new car, dancing lessons, a<br />
deposit for a house, a holiday).<br />
Help and support<br />
If you’ve tried all of this and still<br />
feel you have a problem, contact<br />
Citizens Advice for support with<br />
debt management. Cognitive<br />
behavioural therapy (CBT) can<br />
really help to find alternative, more<br />
positive ways of managing anxiety<br />
and low self-esteem as well.<br />
Wendy Gregory is a counselling<br />
psychologist and writer, as well as a<br />
regular guest psychologist on<br />
BBC Talk Radio.<br />
0000 0000 0000 0000
62 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Make it<br />
mindful<br />
Embrace the magic of mindfulness with these four easy exercises, utilising<br />
daily activities to blend seamlessly into your day<br />
EATING<br />
Something we do every day, but when<br />
was the last time you really savoured<br />
the moment while you ate? Drop the<br />
multitasking and step away from<br />
screens. Focus on the texture of your<br />
food – how does it feel in your mouth?<br />
What flavours can you dissect in each<br />
bite? How do you feel?<br />
CREATIVITY<br />
Whatever your craft – drawing,<br />
painting, writing, crochet – take<br />
the time to really be present in the<br />
creation, with less focus on the<br />
outcome. Listen to your needles brush<br />
against each other, or the pencil on<br />
paper. What are you feeling? Where do<br />
your thoughts go?<br />
EXERCISE<br />
Whether you’re going for a highintensity<br />
sweat-sesh, or a walk<br />
around the block, connect with your<br />
body and the sensations as you move.<br />
Can you feel your pulse quicken, or<br />
the breeze on your skin?<br />
REST<br />
A quiet moment to reconnect with<br />
your body. Simply sit, or lie, and focus<br />
on your breathing. What can you see,<br />
hear, feel, smell? A gentle hum of the<br />
heating, birds outside, a tap dripping?<br />
Let go of all the distractions and let<br />
your senses explore the moment.<br />
TOP TIPS<br />
Awareness: focus on the<br />
moment, acknowledging all<br />
your senses, and taking in the<br />
detail in everyday activities.<br />
Free your mind: allow your<br />
mind to roam – go with it!<br />
Return to the moment: bring<br />
yourself back by returning<br />
your attention to what’s<br />
happening, either through<br />
something you feel, your<br />
breathing, a sound…<br />
Embrace your emotions: open<br />
yourself up to your feelings,<br />
and become really aware of<br />
them. Allow them to be, with<br />
no judgement or expectations.
Smooth<br />
operator<br />
Three vitamin-boosting drinks to help you<br />
fight off the <strong>February</strong> flu<br />
Writing | Ellen Hoggard<br />
While the sight of<br />
a bright green<br />
smoothie can set<br />
your stomach<br />
churning, many of them do,<br />
in fact, taste very nice. The<br />
trick is to find flavours you like.<br />
Some people love the fresh<br />
taste of celery or cucumber,<br />
others may prefer to hide their<br />
greens among the overpowering<br />
flavours of pineapple or mango.<br />
Whatever works for you.<br />
Smoothies and juices are a good<br />
way to get some additional fruit<br />
and veg into your diet, and after<br />
trying a few different recipes,<br />
you can easily make your own.<br />
Experiment with fruits and<br />
vegetables, push yourself and<br />
test your bravery. Avocado in a<br />
smoothie may sound strange, but<br />
it’s actually delicious.<br />
It’s important to acknowledge<br />
that shop-bought smoothies<br />
often contain a lot of sugar,<br />
and can be quite expensive.<br />
Making your own at home can<br />
help to reduce sugar intake and<br />
are much more cost effective,<br />
especially if preparing in bulk.<br />
They are refreshing, quick to<br />
make and can be just what you<br />
need to kick-start your energy<br />
levels this <strong>February</strong>.<br />
Orange & Carrot Smoothie<br />
Serves 2<br />
Ingredients<br />
• 1 orange<br />
• 1 large carrot<br />
• 2 small sticks of celery<br />
• 50g mango<br />
• 200ml water<br />
• Handful of ice<br />
Method<br />
Peel the fruit. Roughly chop the<br />
orange, carrot and celery. Slice the<br />
mango. In a blender, add the fruit,<br />
veg and ice. Top up with water and<br />
blend until smooth.<br />
Berry Breakfast Smoothie<br />
Serves 2<br />
Ingredients<br />
• 225g frozen berries<br />
• 225g Greek yoghurt (or dairy-free<br />
alternative)<br />
• 50ml milk of choice<br />
• 2 tbsp porridge oats<br />
• 1 tsp honey or agave syrup<br />
Method<br />
Blend the berries, yoghurt and<br />
milk until smooth. Add the oats<br />
and pour into glasses. Taste. For<br />
extra sweetness, add a drizzle of<br />
honey or agave syrup. Enjoy.
OUR EXPERT SAYS…<br />
Orange & Carrot Smoothie<br />
This smoothie packs a ‘vitamin-C<br />
punch’ that will give your immune<br />
system a much-needed boost. The<br />
stand-out star is the beta-carotene,<br />
obtained from the bright orange<br />
of the mango, carrot, and orange.<br />
Beta-carotene is the precursor<br />
to vitamin A production, which<br />
is essential for skin, eye, and<br />
reproductive health. Adding celery<br />
will prevent it being too sweet,<br />
while boosting the fibre content.<br />
Berry Breakfast Smoothie<br />
Berries provide a high dose of<br />
numerous antioxidants, oats add<br />
a good source of soluble fibre,<br />
promoting bowel health and<br />
balanced blood sugar levels.<br />
Adding honey is a lovely<br />
sweetening agent – if possible,<br />
treat yourself to a raw and<br />
unprocessed brand that will<br />
contain both antimicrobial and<br />
antifungal properties.<br />
Find a nutritionist near you at<br />
nutritionist-resource.org.uk<br />
Zesty Green Smoothie<br />
Serves 2<br />
Ingredients<br />
• Half an avocado, sliced<br />
• Juice of half a lime<br />
• Large handful of frozen pineapple<br />
• 2 handfuls of kale<br />
• Fresh ginger<br />
• 1 tbsp cashew nuts<br />
Optional: 1 small banana<br />
Method<br />
Add all the ingredients into a<br />
blender. Add a handful of ice and<br />
blend. Add a splash of water and<br />
blend until smooth. Serve.<br />
Zesty Green Smoothie<br />
Avocados are not only a great<br />
source of healthy fats, but also<br />
provide more potassium than<br />
bananas. Potassium supports<br />
healthy blood sugar levels, while<br />
the lime, kale, and pineapple have<br />
immune-boosting properties. It<br />
also features an enzyme called<br />
bromelain, present in pineapple,<br />
that improves digestion. There’s a<br />
great balance of fruit to veg, while<br />
cashew nuts add a protein hit for a<br />
very satiating smoothie.<br />
Josephine (Beanie) Robinson<br />
is a nutritional therapist,<br />
yoga and meditation teacher,<br />
and co-founder of The Health<br />
Space. Find out more at<br />
thehealth-space.com
A menu<br />
for change<br />
Celebrity chef Tom Kerridge was nearing 40 when he noticed his weight had<br />
crept up too, and realised he had been using food and alcohol to escape the<br />
stresses of running his businesses. Now, six years later and fitter than ever, he has<br />
transformed his life, and wants to encourage others to do the same<br />
Writing | Gemma Calvert<br />
Tom Kerridge is full of<br />
apologies. He’s running 20<br />
minutes behind schedule<br />
after a morning in<br />
London marking the first birthday<br />
of Kerridge’s Bar and Grill, his<br />
Michelin-starred restaurant at the<br />
city’s Corinthia Hotel.<br />
“I’ve been all over the place,”<br />
says the TV chef, his cheerful West<br />
Country accent diluting any hint<br />
of lateness-fuelled panic. By the<br />
time we speak, he’s back in leafy<br />
Marlow, Buckinghamshire. Home.<br />
It’s also where Tom runs his pub,<br />
The Hand and Flowers – the only<br />
pub to ever win a pair of Michelin<br />
stars, and a place so popular,<br />
customers apparently wait up to<br />
six months for a table.<br />
For Marlow residents too<br />
ravenous for patience, there’s<br />
fortunately another Tom-owned<br />
boozer nearby, The Coach, which<br />
also boasts a Michelin star. In this<br />
pocket of South-east England, pub<br />
grub has never tasted so good.<br />
Lately, however, Tom has become<br />
better known for making healthy<br />
food taste extra good. Following<br />
his 2010 foray into television on<br />
BBC2’s Great British Menu, and<br />
landing his own telly series Tom<br />
Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food, in<br />
2012, he realised his lifestyle was<br />
putting his health at risk.<br />
Four months before turning 40,<br />
and weighing almost 30 stone,<br />
Tom realised he had been eating<br />
and drinking too much, to help<br />
him cope with the pressure of<br />
building the reputation of The<br />
Hand and Flowers. Overnight, he<br />
made drastic changes. Healthy<br />
protein-rich foods replaced<br />
high-fat, carb-heavy options, and<br />
exercise – swimming and bike<br />
riding – became a non-negotiable<br />
part of his routine.<br />
What’s been the greatest reward<br />
since transforming his health?<br />
“The ability to move, to feel that<br />
I’m quite active, to keep up with<br />
a four-year-old!” answers Tom,<br />
referring to his son, Acey.<br />
“In general life, feeling fitter is<br />
wonderful. I can now run a 5K,<br />
and as a 46-year-old that feels<br />
nice, because I never used to be<br />
able to.”<br />
Tom considers himself very lucky<br />
for not having experienced selfesteem<br />
issues or anxiety.<br />
“I’ve always been very<br />
comfortable in my own skin [and]<br />
communicating and talking to<br />
people on a professional basis.<br />
Even when I was at my biggest, and<br />
drinking and eating, professionally<br />
the business was succeeding.”<br />
Yet at the helm of a growing,<br />
thriving business where he<br />
felt huge pressure, Tom began<br />
playing as hard as he worked, in a<br />
misguided attempt to find balance.<br />
After last orders, he’d sink up to<br />
eight pints with his staff, before<br />
heading home in the wee hours to<br />
eat chilli sauce-topped cheese on<br />
toast. Just four hours of sleep later,<br />
he’d wake up, do a full day’s work<br />
and hit repeat. Alcohol, he admits<br />
now, was his ‘escape’ button.<br />
“I recognise that for some people,<br />
when they have low self-esteem,<br />
the comforting thing is to eat a<br />
packet of biscuits – and that is a<br />
66 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
For some people,<br />
when they have low<br />
self-esteem, the<br />
comforting thing is<br />
to eat a packet of<br />
biscuits – and that is<br />
a mental health issue.<br />
It’s the same with me<br />
and alcohol<br />
mental health issue. It’s the same<br />
with me and alcohol,” he says.<br />
“It was an escape and a release<br />
from reality. My escape from the<br />
pressure of running multiple<br />
businesses.”<br />
Tom has now been tee-total for<br />
six years.<br />
“I have an issue with it, and I<br />
wouldn’t be able to have just one,<br />
that doesn’t exist,” he says matterof-factly,<br />
adding that although he’s<br />
‘100%’ happier since knocking<br />
alcohol on the head, he has no<br />
regrets about the part drinking<br />
played in his life and career.<br />
“I wouldn’t go back and do<br />
something different, because<br />
without being that person, without<br />
that drive, I wouldn’t have achieved<br />
two Michelin stars,” he says. “You<br />
should never regret something that<br />
you’ve done. They’re all learning<br />
curves. Every negative can be a<br />
positive experience.”<br />
Did he ever have counselling to<br />
help him on his journey?<br />
“No, I just did it all on my own.<br />
I worked it out for myself,” says<br />
Tom, who wrote his new book,<br />
Lose Weight & Get Fit, to encourage<br />
others to be more active while<br />
eating more healthily. It’s packed<br />
with nutritious, home-cooked<br />
recipes that are both filling and<br />
flavour-packed.<br />
“For me, it wasn’t about reaching<br />
a target weight, but more about<br />
getting fitter and healthier. Setting<br />
fitness goals alongside weight-loss<br />
goals is a win-win formula for<br />
lasting success,” says Tom, adding<br />
that planning healthy meals helps<br />
him to feel more emotionally in<br />
control, especially when work is<br />
so busy and “things aren’t quite<br />
balanced enough”. >>><br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 67
TUNA<br />
COBB<br />
SALAD<br />
BOWL<br />
This is a good example of the<br />
kind of salad that you can throw<br />
together using ingredients that<br />
might already be in the cupboard<br />
and fridge. Feel free to swap<br />
things around depending on<br />
what you have. The one thing I’d<br />
say you need to keep is the baby<br />
capers – they may be tiny but<br />
they add so much flavour.<br />
SERVES 4<br />
Tom’s<br />
recipe<br />
Extract taken from Lose Weight and Get Fit by Tom Kerridge / Photography © Cristian Barnett<br />
• 4 large free-range eggs<br />
• 400g tinned tuna in spring<br />
water (drained weight)<br />
• Juice of ½ lemon, plus an extra<br />
squeeze for the avocado<br />
• 1 tbsp baby capers, rinsed<br />
• 50ml light mayonnaise<br />
• 350g Iceberg lettuce, shredded<br />
• 150g carrots, grated<br />
• 8 cherry tomatoes, halved<br />
• ½ cucumber, halved lengthways<br />
and thickly sliced<br />
• 200g drained tinned sweetcorn<br />
• 8 radishes, quartered<br />
• 1 ripe avocado, peeled,<br />
quartered and stoned<br />
• Sea salt and freshly ground<br />
black pepper<br />
For the dressing<br />
• 3 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil<br />
• 1½ tbsp red wine vinegar<br />
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard<br />
• Place a small saucepan of water<br />
over a high heat and bring to<br />
the boil. Carefully add the eggs<br />
and cook for 7 minutes. Remove<br />
the eggs and immerse them<br />
in a bowl of cold water to cool<br />
quickly.<br />
• Flake the tuna and place in<br />
a bowl with the lemon juice,<br />
capers and mayonnaise. Season<br />
with salt and pepper to taste<br />
and mix well.<br />
• Lay out 4 containers and cover<br />
the base of each one with<br />
shredded lettuce and grated<br />
carrot. Top with the tuna mayo,<br />
cherry tomatoes, cucumber,<br />
sweetcorn and radishes.<br />
Squeeze some lemon juice over<br />
the avocado slices and add<br />
these to the containers.<br />
• For the dressing, whisk the<br />
ingredients together in a small<br />
bowl and season with salt and<br />
pepper to taste. Spoon over the<br />
salads.<br />
• Peel the cooled boiled eggs,<br />
then halve and season with a<br />
little salt and pepper. Add the<br />
eggs to your containers. Serve<br />
straight away or seal and keep<br />
in the fridge. Eat within 2 days.<br />
68 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
“My life is like other people’s – I<br />
have a young son, I have a job,<br />
some evenings I manage to get<br />
home on time, but not very many.<br />
I know how it feels to get through<br />
the door at 7pm. The last thing<br />
you want is to then spend three<br />
hours cooking dinner. It’s about<br />
organised structure, and getting<br />
your head in the right space,” he<br />
explains.<br />
So many parents worry about<br />
the quality of their children’s diet<br />
and, naturally, Tom is often asked<br />
by mums and dads for the secret<br />
to getting youngsters to consume<br />
more fruit and vegetables.<br />
“I’m not overly stressed about it,<br />
and I don’t think parents should<br />
be either. But parents should be<br />
making an effort for themselves to<br />
be eating the right stuff so they’re<br />
leading by example,” he says,<br />
pragmatically.<br />
“That’s the right way to do it. If<br />
[Acey] wants fish fingers and oven<br />
chips one day, that’s fine – but<br />
we aren’t going to sit there and<br />
eat fish fingers and oven chips<br />
with him. We’re going to have a<br />
lovely salad so it gets to be in his<br />
consciousness that he’s having<br />
something different.”<br />
What about making sure we’re<br />
always prepared in the kitchen to<br />
achieve maximum flavour with our<br />
cooking, to avoid getting stuck in<br />
a rut and feeling uninspired to eat<br />
healthily – is there one ingredient<br />
every kitchen should stock?<br />
“Honestly, it’s only one – smoked<br />
paprika!” laughs Tom. “That<br />
goes on everything and makes<br />
it taste amazing! Most people<br />
have their home repertoire of<br />
recipes that they cook for friends<br />
and family. You can get into<br />
routines. But you should restock<br />
your spice cupboard so your<br />
cooking repertoire becomes super<br />
exciting.”<br />
He’s wealthier than most of us<br />
dare to dream possible, but Tom’s<br />
relatability is rooted in his appeal<br />
as an average Joe, and the fact he<br />
doesn’t pretend to be perfect. And<br />
despite getting healthier in the<br />
glare of the public spotlight, Tom<br />
denies feeling under pressure from<br />
anyone but himself to continue<br />
making progress.<br />
“I do it for me. I did it for me in<br />
the first place,” he says. “I’m not<br />
doing it because it’s on television<br />
or it’s for commercial gain. I did<br />
it because it’s the right thing to be<br />
doing as a 46-year-old bloke who<br />
wants to try to be a bit fitter.”<br />
Before Tom departs, we talk<br />
about how he’s welcomed the<br />
public into his kitchen, but also<br />
his private life, by being so honest<br />
about his reasons for transforming<br />
his lifestyle and his subsequent<br />
journey towards better health. Has<br />
he always felt comfortable with<br />
that level of exposure?<br />
“From the moment I was asked to<br />
do TV, I promised myself I wasn’t<br />
going to be a caricature of me.<br />
That if I was going to do it, I was<br />
going to be honest,” replies Tom.<br />
“The biggest reward is helping<br />
people. One of the nicest things<br />
that happens is when I bump into<br />
people on a weekly basis, who I’ve<br />
never met in my life, and they say,<br />
‘thank you ever so much’.<br />
“It’s hard work putting a book<br />
together, but my life is about food<br />
so it’s enjoyable, and if it helps<br />
someone else out there, then that’s<br />
brilliant.”<br />
‘Lose Weight & Get Fit’ by<br />
Tom Kerridge (Bloomsbury<br />
Absolute, hardback £22)<br />
WIN!<br />
For your chance to win one of two<br />
signed copies of Tom Kerridge's<br />
new book, simply send your<br />
answer to the following question<br />
to competitions@happiful.com:<br />
In what year did Tom open his<br />
pub, The Hand and Flowers?<br />
a) 2000 b) 2005 c) 2009<br />
UK mainland only. Competition closes on<br />
20 <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> – good luck!<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 69
Blending in<br />
Confined to a wheelchair, Tess Daly often felt self-conscious about her<br />
disability as she grew up. Now, the 31-year-old is proud to stand out, having<br />
made a name for herself as one of the UK’s leading beauty bloggers<br />
Writing | Suzanne Baum<br />
pplying makeup<br />
takes confidence,<br />
patience, and a<br />
steady hand –<br />
traits Tess Daly is<br />
the first to admit she doesn’t have in<br />
abundance.<br />
In fact, it’s only through using<br />
a robotic arm that the disabled<br />
beauty blogger has been able to<br />
fine-tune her online makeup posts<br />
and tutorials that have seen her<br />
amass more than 200,000 Instagram<br />
followers.<br />
Tess was born with spinal<br />
muscular atrophy – a<br />
neuromuscular disorder that<br />
means she has never been able to<br />
walk. Despite being in a wheelchair<br />
since the age of two, she grew up<br />
refusing to let her disability get in<br />
the way, having from an early age<br />
a determination to one day work in<br />
the creative world.<br />
“I was always interested in fashion<br />
and beauty,” Tess tells me as we<br />
chat in her Sheffield home, where<br />
she relies upon a team of carers to<br />
help her with everyday tasks. “I had<br />
my heart set on becoming a fashion<br />
designer. I studied art in school, With the use of what she<br />
and spent every spare minute nicknamed ‘the bionic arm’,<br />
drawing clothing and shoe designs. Tess was able to teach herself<br />
“Unfortunately, during my GCSEs, to do certain things again,<br />
I rather inexplicably lost the use including her own makeup.<br />
of my right hand, which meant “I found ways to make things<br />
I was unable to do lots of things, work, and I have always<br />
including my own makeup.”<br />
preferred to talk about the<br />
In a bid to feel as normal as<br />
things I can do, rather than<br />
possible, Tess began paying<br />
stuff I can’t do, as there’s no<br />
makeup artists to do her face for point thinking of negatives.”<br />
a night out almost every weekend When I suggest that Tess is an<br />
throughout her early 20s. “It was ‘influencer’, she’s quick to point<br />
an expensive affair, trust me! But out she’s not. “I’d much rather<br />
I always prided myself on looking be known as a ‘role-model’ –<br />
good on the outside to make myself standing up for people with<br />
feel better inwardly.”<br />
disabilities, who don’t often see<br />
However, things changed a few themselves represented in the<br />
years ago when a friend – who beauty industry.”<br />
also has spinal muscular atrophy Having perfected the use of<br />
– shared a video of her applying the bionic arm, Tess – who<br />
eyeliner with the help of a piece of never used social media much<br />
equipment called the ‘neater eater’. – began posting pictures of her<br />
It’s attached to the wheelchair progress on Instagram, tagging<br />
and functions as a bionic arm to the makeup brands she was<br />
manipulate the limb; although using. After a few months, she<br />
designed for helping to feed<br />
gained more than 10,000 new<br />
yourself, Tess found it worked just followers after her work was<br />
as well when applying makeup – shared by makeup guru to the<br />
and it changed her life. stars, Anastasia Beverly Hills. >>><br />
70 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Reading the comments<br />
made me realise how<br />
under-represented<br />
disabled people are<br />
within the beauty<br />
industry, and also how<br />
eager people were to<br />
see that change<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 71
Tess (centre) as part of the<br />
Isle of Paradise’s Get Body<br />
Posi campaign<br />
72 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Images | Isle of Paradise<br />
“The response that it got was<br />
nothing short of phenomenal,”<br />
Tess says.<br />
“Reading the comments<br />
made me realise how underrepresented<br />
disabled people are<br />
within the beauty industry, and<br />
also how eager people were to<br />
see that change. Up until this<br />
point, posting pictures of my<br />
makeup had just been a hobby.<br />
Seeing this reaction, however,<br />
really pushed me to try to fill the<br />
gap in the industry. Growing up,<br />
I had never seen anybody like<br />
myself within either the beauty<br />
or fashion industry, and I wanted<br />
to help change this.<br />
“I genuinely had no idea that<br />
my platform would escalate into<br />
what it is today. I never thought<br />
I would have the confidence to<br />
post photos, let alone videos.<br />
The way I think about myself<br />
has changed so drastically from<br />
when I first started, it’s strange to<br />
me now that I had such negative<br />
feelings in the beginning.”<br />
Despite her sudden fame on<br />
social media – which has led to<br />
Tess being the face of numerous<br />
skin and makeup campaigns –<br />
she remains down to earth.<br />
“I’m still blown away every<br />
single day by how kind and<br />
supportive my followers are. I<br />
have a community around me<br />
that motivates and encourages<br />
me to tackle my insecurities<br />
head on. It is down to my<br />
followers that I have not only<br />
posted videos of me applying my<br />
makeup, but I have posted bikini<br />
pictures.<br />
“Every time I overcome one<br />
of these insecurity obstacles,<br />
I’m met by such love and<br />
kindness from my followers<br />
that any negativity pales into<br />
insignificance.”<br />
By this, she means the online<br />
trolls who regularly post nasty<br />
comments about her appearance.<br />
“As somebody who has been<br />
heavily trolled, my advice<br />
would be to completely rise<br />
above it. It is easier said than<br />
done, but the saying ‘don’t feed<br />
the troll’ exists for a reason.<br />
Unfortunately, people like this<br />
live to get a rise from the people<br />
they are attacking. Ignoring<br />
them is single-handedly the<br />
most annoying thing you could<br />
possibly do to them.”<br />
When it comes to posting<br />
her makeup looks, it’s a long,<br />
incredibly tiring process, that<br />
can take up to four hours.<br />
But Tess says: “The effort is<br />
worth it as, to me, makeup is<br />
freedom. There isn’t much I<br />
can do ‘independently’, but my<br />
makeup is something I can call<br />
my own and feel proud of.”<br />
Unfortunately, Tess feels<br />
that there is still some stigma<br />
affecting disabled people within<br />
the beauty industry.<br />
“There are still so many<br />
stereotypes that surround us,<br />
all of which are simply not<br />
true. It is still heavily believed<br />
that we don’t take pride in our<br />
appearance, therefore why<br />
should beauty products be aimed<br />
at a disabled audience?<br />
“Fortunately, I am seeing a<br />
shift in how not only the wider<br />
community perceives disabled<br />
people but also how brands<br />
represent us. I was recently<br />
lucky enough to be selected to<br />
feature in Isle of Paradise’s selftan<br />
campaign, and the response<br />
was phenomenal. Having a huge<br />
Tess is currently fronting a body<br />
acceptance campaign for the<br />
Isle of Paradise’s launch of Get<br />
Body Posi – a free download<br />
written by Jules Von Hep, which is<br />
a global commitment to making<br />
body acceptance top of the<br />
beauty agenda. The campaign<br />
includes all shapes, sizes, skin<br />
tones, and abilities, and is the<br />
first tanning brand to do so.<br />
Follow Tess on<br />
Instagram @tess.daly<br />
brand feature me alongside so<br />
many other beautifully diverse<br />
models helps to normalise<br />
disabled people within the<br />
industry, which really does have<br />
a ripple effect on the rest of the<br />
world.”<br />
As for future projects, Tess<br />
is working with other brand<br />
campaigns in a bid to raise<br />
awareness of body positivity –<br />
something she believes strongly<br />
in, now more than ever.<br />
“I used to be stared at a lot, and<br />
feel so unconfident – but I’m<br />
in a wheelchair, that’s nothing<br />
new really, is it? And yep, I got<br />
comments, I still do, all over<br />
good old Instagram! But the<br />
difference is, now I don’t care.<br />
I’ve got one life and I intend to<br />
live it how I want, no matter<br />
what anybody else says, or how<br />
society thinks I should live it!”<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 73
Ask the experts<br />
Counsellor Annabel Giles answers your questions on<br />
therapy and what to expert from professional support<br />
Read more about Annabel on counselling-directory.org.uk<br />
QI’m interested in counselling, but<br />
I’m nervous. What can I expect?<br />
When I first see a client,<br />
A I explain that we’re<br />
here to see if we want to<br />
work together, and that it’s<br />
OK to say no. I take a few<br />
details, such as date of birth<br />
and an emergency contact,<br />
and then we talk about<br />
what made them come to<br />
My family are struggling. Things have been<br />
said, and nobody can talk without arguing<br />
Q or getting upset. Can counselling help us?<br />
A<br />
Definitely. Often a family<br />
has become entrenched<br />
in relating to each other in<br />
a particular way, and as<br />
nothing stays the same for<br />
very long, relationships can<br />
change very quickly. The<br />
more people in the group,<br />
the more changeable the<br />
dynamic! Everyone has to be<br />
counselling. Most people<br />
have something they are<br />
very keen to talk about, but<br />
not always. At the end of the<br />
session (we use the full 50<br />
mins) we know if we’re going<br />
to get on, and (usually!)<br />
make an appointment for<br />
the following week.<br />
willing to do this, however.<br />
If not, sometimes it helps<br />
to see key individuals (e.g.<br />
sisters) as a couple, to work<br />
out what’s going wrong.<br />
Sometimes it’s just one<br />
person who needs to talk<br />
safely and privately. A good<br />
therapist will help you find<br />
the best approach.<br />
Q<br />
Can anyone<br />
benefit from<br />
counselling,<br />
even if you’re not<br />
in crisis?<br />
Yes! And yes again!<br />
A I believe it should<br />
be compulsory for<br />
everyone to sit and look<br />
at themselves and their<br />
behaviour on a weekly<br />
basis. This would bring<br />
clarity, understanding,<br />
and helps so much with<br />
decision-making. It makes<br />
sense to untangle stuff as<br />
you go along, rather than<br />
wait for a crisis. Where<br />
else can you talk about<br />
yourself and your life, in<br />
total confidentiality, without<br />
worrying about what the<br />
other person thinks, or<br />
having to listen to them?<br />
I’ve been in therapy for the<br />
past 32 years, and still find<br />
it really useful, even during<br />
the good times.
Counselling<br />
Q<br />
I don’t know<br />
who I am<br />
anymore. I’ve<br />
recently come out of<br />
a relationship and I’m<br />
unhappy in my job, but<br />
have no one to speak<br />
to. Will counselling<br />
help me?<br />
AIn many ways, this is<br />
exactly what counselling<br />
is for. People are so busy<br />
these days, it seems we’re<br />
just firefighting life as it<br />
happens, rather than taking<br />
considered decisions. I see<br />
many clients who feel they’ve<br />
lost their way and need<br />
to get back on track, but<br />
have no idea which path to<br />
choose. Together we look at<br />
how they got here, where<br />
they’d prefer to be, and the<br />
journey in between. I always<br />
say we’re walking through<br />
the woods together – I’m just<br />
holding the torch!<br />
Counselling Directory is part of the <strong>Happiful</strong> Family | Helping you find the help you need
How to<br />
cope with<br />
first day<br />
anxiety<br />
B R E W<br />
So, you’re feeling apprehensive about a new job? Don’t let nervousness hold<br />
you back – here are some ways to help conquer those workplace worries<br />
Writing | Caroline Butterwick Illustrating | Rosan Magar<br />
Starting a new job<br />
can be exciting.<br />
It may be a<br />
wonderful chance<br />
to do something you<br />
enjoy, make new<br />
friends, develop your skills, and, at<br />
the very least, earn a living.<br />
But, for many of us, the build<br />
up to our first day can also come<br />
with increased anxiety. A new job<br />
means learning new routines, new<br />
places, new systems, and meeting<br />
new people. We may be nervous<br />
about this big change. But there are<br />
things we can do to ease that first<br />
day anxiety.<br />
PREPARE<br />
Make the first morning of your<br />
new job as stress-free as possible<br />
by preparing as much as you can<br />
in the days before. Little things,<br />
like choosing your outfit and<br />
deciding what you’ll have for<br />
breakfast, means these aren’t<br />
decisions you’ll have to worry<br />
about on the day.<br />
Most importantly, decide what<br />
time you’ll need to leave by<br />
planning your journey in advance,<br />
giving yourself extra time to suss<br />
out the route. As I use public<br />
transport to get to work, on my<br />
first day in my current job I got<br />
a train earlier than I technically<br />
needed to, so I wouldn’t be<br />
anxious about being late. When<br />
I arrived early, I went and got a<br />
coffee in a nearby café and read a<br />
book for half an hour – a calming<br />
start to the day.<br />
76 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
READ THE JOB DESCRIPTION<br />
One of the main anxieties I<br />
have before starting a new job<br />
is worrying what the day-to-day<br />
routine will be like. Have a read<br />
through the job description from<br />
when you first applied for the<br />
role to jog your memory about<br />
the specifics of the job. It can also<br />
be worth having a look online,<br />
and reading blogs and articles by<br />
people who work in similar roles,<br />
to get more of an insight, especially<br />
if you’re new to this area of work.<br />
It’s likely that on your first day<br />
you’ll meet your new line<br />
manager, so have a think<br />
in advance about any<br />
questions you might have<br />
for them about the role<br />
and the workplace.<br />
REALISE YOUR SKILLS<br />
Imposter syndrome is<br />
the feeling that you are a<br />
fraud in your success, and<br />
can crop up at times when<br />
we’re growing, like taking a<br />
step up the career ladder.<br />
Remember, though, that<br />
you went through a recruitment<br />
process to get here. Your new<br />
employer will have seen your<br />
potential to flourish in this job.<br />
Think of evidence that<br />
demonstrates to you that you’re<br />
capable – like past achievements<br />
and positive feedback you’ve<br />
received. If this job is stretching<br />
your skills, try turning your anxiety<br />
into excitement: this is a chance to<br />
grow professionally. Accept there<br />
will be things you need to learn in<br />
your new job, and know that it’s<br />
perfectly fine – and expected – that<br />
you will need to ask questions as<br />
you settle in.<br />
Make the first<br />
morning as<br />
stress-free as<br />
possible by<br />
preparing as much<br />
as you can in the<br />
days before<br />
MIXING WITH COLLEAGUES<br />
Most of us have been there, being<br />
paraded around the office as<br />
you’re introduced to a whole host<br />
of people while you try, and fail,<br />
to remember everyone’s names.<br />
Come prepared to be friendly and<br />
open, and accept that you will<br />
forget your new colleagues’ names<br />
and roles – don’t worry about<br />
asking for a reminder!<br />
It can take time to work out<br />
the office culture, so go with the<br />
flow a bit on your first day. Get to<br />
know people, asking about the<br />
workplace and their role. This<br />
will not only help you understand<br />
your new surroundings, it’ll help<br />
you get conversations started.<br />
If the opportunity for a team<br />
lunch or after-work drinks comes<br />
up, take it – it’ll be a perfect<br />
opportunity to get to know<br />
everyone better.<br />
DISCLOSING A MENTAL<br />
HEALTH CONDITION<br />
According to the charity Mind,<br />
one in six UK workers experience<br />
poor mental health. If you<br />
have a diagnosed mental<br />
health problem, starting<br />
a new job comes with<br />
additional worries about<br />
whether you should tell<br />
your employer. Most<br />
people with a longterm<br />
mental illness<br />
are protected under<br />
the Equality Act. This<br />
means your employer has<br />
a duty to make reasonable<br />
adjustments for you, which<br />
could include regular breaks,<br />
time off for medical appointments,<br />
or flexible working.<br />
I tend to bring up my mental<br />
health condition in an initial<br />
meeting with my line manager:<br />
“Just to make you aware, I have<br />
anxiety and depression.” This<br />
almost always prompts them to<br />
ask what will help me.<br />
In the run up to your first day,<br />
think about whether you want<br />
to disclose, and what support<br />
may help. We’re at work for so<br />
much of our time, it’s worth doing<br />
whatever we can to make it as<br />
comfortable and enjoyable as<br />
possible.<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 77
Media partner<br />
Live Well London<br />
In <strong>2020</strong>, our resolution at <strong>Happiful</strong> is to move beyond the pages of our<br />
magazine, and connect with our readers IRL. So, to start as we mean to go<br />
on, we’re partnering with the wonderful Live Well London Festival to get stuck<br />
in to discussions around authenticity in the industry, bust a move during disco<br />
yoga, and invest in intimate conversations with the best in wellbeing!<br />
Here, we chat to festival founder Sam Willoughby about the<br />
wellbeing weekend not to be missed…<br />
Hi Sam, what inspired you to<br />
start Live Well London? I’d been<br />
working in global events and<br />
exhibition companies for 19 years,<br />
starting my career in marketing<br />
and working my way up to event<br />
director. But as a mum of two, I<br />
was beginning to find the 50-hour<br />
weeks at a very corporate, top<br />
heavy organisation, a bit much.<br />
My motivation and passion for the<br />
job was waning, and I was starting<br />
to lose confidence in what I was<br />
doing. The work-life-balance,<br />
didn’t really exist!<br />
That sounds like quite a<br />
relatable scenario for many<br />
people… After seeing a personal<br />
coach, I realised that what I really<br />
love doing, and what I’m good at,<br />
is events, and building something<br />
up that culminated in a physical<br />
experience. So, I made the leap<br />
and left the company I’d worked<br />
at for 13 years to start my own<br />
events business – luckily with an<br />
investor. Given my own struggle<br />
for a work-life balance, combined<br />
with knowing how important<br />
it is to look after yourself both<br />
physically and mentally, Live Well<br />
Events was born.<br />
What do you love most about<br />
your work? Meeting some of the<br />
truly inspirational and genuinely<br />
lovely people in the wellbeing<br />
industry, who are so welcoming,<br />
so open with their advice,<br />
generous with their time, and<br />
genuine in their desire to spread<br />
the message of the importance of<br />
a balanced approach to wellbeing.<br />
What makes this festival so<br />
special? Live Well was founded<br />
on the ethos that a healthy mind<br />
is just as important as a healthy<br />
body, and focusing on emotional<br />
wellbeing as much as physical<br />
wellbeing is key. We believe that<br />
wellness is unique to each of us,<br />
and that’s why it’s important for<br />
people to be able to make their<br />
own informed wellbeing choices –<br />
based on trying out what works for<br />
them, and learning from credited<br />
experts and evidence-based<br />
brands.<br />
What makes the festival really<br />
special, is all the people who<br />
contribute – we’re passionate<br />
about a balanced approach<br />
to wellbeing, and have a<br />
special interest in creating a<br />
happy, welcoming, inclusive<br />
environment.<br />
‘Wellness’ can sometimes<br />
be seen as a privilege – how<br />
does Live Well London address<br />
that? We feel that wellbeing<br />
should be accessible to all, not<br />
a luxury. We’ve priced tickets
Event images | Live Well Events<br />
to be affordable, and there are<br />
no hidden costs or extras for<br />
booking on to classes. We have<br />
more than 130 classes across<br />
yoga, meditation, pilates, fitness,<br />
mindfulness, and the Boutique<br />
studio sessions, plus a packed<br />
programme of daily talks and<br />
workshops in the Knowledge Hub<br />
and Live Kitchen – all included in<br />
the ticket price.<br />
And you can absolutely come<br />
as you are! You don’t need to feel<br />
like you have all the latest kit, or<br />
be gym-ready and well-practised<br />
in the moves, to join us. If you’re<br />
not into classes, come along to<br />
the talks, have a mindful cocktail,<br />
relax and chill out in The Retreat,<br />
while trying something new like a<br />
Sound Gong Bath. There really is<br />
something for everyone.<br />
What has working on the festival<br />
taught you? Being so entrenched<br />
in this industry, you are constantly<br />
reading and hearing about new<br />
ways to look after yourself, both<br />
physically and mentally – but I<br />
think if I had to narrow it down<br />
to just one thing, it would be the<br />
importance of credibility in the<br />
wellness industry. There are so<br />
many new brands popping up,<br />
and new advice coming out, so it’s<br />
important to make sure you source<br />
your information from credible<br />
experts and brands.<br />
What principles will you be<br />
living well by in <strong>2020</strong>? It’s<br />
important when looking at<br />
starting a new year that any<br />
Founder<br />
Sam Willoughby<br />
We’re passionate<br />
about a balanced<br />
approach to<br />
wellbeing, and have<br />
a special interest in<br />
creating a happy,<br />
welcoming, inclusive<br />
environment<br />
principles or personal pledges<br />
must be sustainable, achievable,<br />
and something that can be<br />
continued across the year. It<br />
can be something small, like<br />
remembering to step back and<br />
take a breath every now and again,<br />
or trying to commit to taking a<br />
small amount of physical activity<br />
every day to support mental<br />
health.<br />
I’ll also be taking more time<br />
to be kind to others, as well as<br />
remembering to be kind to myself<br />
– especially as we head into the<br />
last few busy weeks before the<br />
festival!<br />
Live Well London takes place<br />
from 28 <strong>February</strong> to 1 March<br />
at Old Billingsgate, London,<br />
with speakers including<br />
psychologist Kimberley Wilson,<br />
sportsperson Jonny Wilkinson<br />
CBE, and the unstoppable<br />
Dame Kelly Holmes. Visit<br />
livewelllondon.com and use<br />
the code Happy15 for 15% off<br />
tickets (excluding VIP).
Book<br />
Review<br />
Craving a<br />
creative career?<br />
From messy workspaces to unique challenges faced by<br />
creatives, in her latest book, author Sheila Chandra takes<br />
readers by the hand and helps put them on the path to success<br />
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford<br />
As a creative<br />
person, I’d<br />
be the first<br />
to admit<br />
that I’m not<br />
exactly great when it<br />
comes to organisation.<br />
Planning? Sure, that I<br />
can do, no problem. But<br />
my haphazard home<br />
and office desk spaces<br />
alone are enough to<br />
hint at just how chaotic<br />
things get when I’m in<br />
the zone with a writing<br />
or research binge.<br />
Like many creatives,<br />
I want to focus on the<br />
thing I’m passionate<br />
about – which can leave<br />
some of the important<br />
details parked in that<br />
precarious ‘I’ll get to<br />
it later’ pile that never<br />
seems to get done.<br />
From the best-selling<br />
author of Banish Clutter<br />
Forever, Sheila Chandra’s<br />
latest book, Organizing<br />
Your Creative Career,<br />
looks to challenge the<br />
idea that creatives need<br />
to be messy in order to<br />
create. Tackling all of the<br />
big challenges around<br />
being a creative who is<br />
looking to channel their<br />
passion into a career –<br />
from disorganisation to<br />
how to actually monetise<br />
what you do, personal<br />
branding, creative<br />
wellbeing, and support<br />
systems – Chandra<br />
talks readers through<br />
everything they need to<br />
know about launching,<br />
maintaining, and<br />
elevating their creative<br />
career.<br />
OWNING YOUR<br />
CREATIVE SPACE<br />
Having a home office<br />
sounds great in theory,<br />
but in practice? Our<br />
personal creative<br />
spaces can tend to<br />
get a little out of<br />
hand. While Chandra<br />
focuses specifically on<br />
artistic creative spaces,<br />
her advice is widely<br />
applicable for those<br />
from any creative field<br />
who struggle to tame<br />
their administrative<br />
tasks and create some<br />
form of order.<br />
If you’re looking for<br />
a prescriptive how-to,<br />
Organizing Your Creative<br />
Career offers some solid<br />
foundations across the<br />
board to help you get<br />
started, and elevate<br />
your career to the<br />
next level. While the<br />
advice shared is solid,<br />
if you have had an<br />
introduction to other<br />
organising self-help<br />
books or life coaching<br />
sessions, it can feel<br />
a little basic. Firmly<br />
focusing on a particular<br />
type of creative (one<br />
that often relies on<br />
visual reminders), if<br />
you don’t fit within this<br />
mould, the advice may<br />
not feel as relevant.
In many areas, the<br />
advice feels more<br />
tailored for those with<br />
a freelance creative<br />
career, rather than<br />
those following a<br />
creative career path<br />
within a business.<br />
Blending together<br />
work and life advice on<br />
managing things like<br />
your master to-do list,<br />
while this can be helpful<br />
for some, it can err on<br />
the side of too much<br />
detail in some places.<br />
BALANCING<br />
CREATIVITY AND<br />
WELLBEING<br />
Looking at both<br />
personal and career<br />
wellbeing, nearly two<br />
thirds of the book is<br />
dedicated to focusing<br />
on your headspace, over<br />
your physical creative<br />
space. Perfect for those<br />
who feel like they have<br />
a handle on the physical<br />
side of organisation,<br />
Chandra dives into the<br />
complexities that can<br />
cause confusion, or feel<br />
like they are weighing<br />
you down.<br />
Some generalisations,<br />
such as separating<br />
what works efficiently<br />
for creative people<br />
compared to ‘everyone<br />
else’, can feel a little<br />
frustrating, however if<br />
you do fit within this<br />
general ‘creative’ mould,<br />
the advice is sound.<br />
Offering advice on<br />
productivity, efficiency,<br />
balance, organisation,<br />
strategising, and more,<br />
sections are broken<br />
up neatly and cleanly,<br />
making it easy for<br />
readers to skim and find<br />
the sections that will<br />
most likely help them.<br />
One particularly useful<br />
section focuses on the<br />
importance of saying<br />
no. Something many<br />
of us struggle with, no<br />
matter what our role,<br />
the author delves into<br />
the personal cost that<br />
can come from our<br />
inability to put ourselves<br />
first, highlight when<br />
our skillset may not be<br />
the best fit for a task,<br />
and the benefits we<br />
can reap when we do<br />
allow ourselves to better<br />
police our time.<br />
SHOULD I BUY IT?<br />
If you’re a creative<br />
person who struggles<br />
to balance your<br />
workload outside of<br />
the creative process<br />
itself, Organizing Your<br />
Creative Career offers a<br />
great starting point. If<br />
you aren’t considering<br />
a more freelance form<br />
of career progression,<br />
or if you’ve already read<br />
other career-related<br />
organisation books, it<br />
may be worth trying<br />
something a little more<br />
personalised and indepth,<br />
such as working<br />
with a creative or career<br />
coach.<br />
Organizing Your<br />
Creative Career: How<br />
to Channel Your<br />
Creativity into Career<br />
Success<br />
By Sheila Chandra<br />
(Watkins)<br />
If you liked this, you’ll love...<br />
I’m the Boss of Me<br />
By Jeanne<br />
Beliveau-Dunn<br />
The must-read guide to<br />
owning your career. Sharing<br />
career-building lessons,<br />
strategies and tactics, with<br />
stories of courage, resistance,<br />
and persistence.<br />
What Color is Your<br />
Parachute? <strong>2020</strong><br />
By Richard N Bolles<br />
A practical manual for<br />
those looking to make a<br />
career change. Filled with<br />
support, encouragement,<br />
and advice on job-hunting<br />
strategies that work.<br />
Must<br />
Reads<br />
So Good They<br />
Can’t Ignore You<br />
By Cal Newport<br />
Focusing on why skills trump<br />
passion in your quest for<br />
work you love, Cal helps<br />
readers discover how to<br />
channel what they naturally<br />
excel at into a career.<br />
Great for…<br />
• Disorganised<br />
creatives looking<br />
for direction<br />
• Anyone<br />
experiencing a<br />
career slump<br />
• Those looking to<br />
launch their own<br />
creative brand or<br />
career
Remap:<br />
lightening the load<br />
When you really think about it, after our basic needs are taken care of, it’s<br />
the little things in life that make all the difference to our wellbeing. From<br />
mobility solutions to quick-fixes, Remap is the charity that pairs volunteer<br />
engineers with disabled people, to create solutions to obstacles both big<br />
and small, so they can continue to live life to the fullest<br />
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler<br />
I<br />
often think of us more like a<br />
dating agency than anything<br />
else,” says David Martin, CEO<br />
of Remap.<br />
But this isn’t a ‘try your luck<br />
on a swipe-right’ kind of deal, the<br />
matchmaking that David is talking<br />
about is between highly-skilled<br />
volunteer engineers and the<br />
people who need their help.<br />
Founded in 1964 by Pat Johnson,<br />
an engineer whose first project<br />
was an electric hoist to give his<br />
sister more independence in her<br />
home, Remap (Rehabilitation<br />
Engineering Movement Advisory<br />
Panel) is about pairing up skilled<br />
engineers with people who have<br />
needs that cannot be solved by<br />
commercially available products.<br />
Today, Remap covers the<br />
whole of the UK, completing<br />
an astonishing 3,500 projects<br />
every year with the help of 900<br />
volunteers. Here, David, along<br />
with a Remap volunteer and<br />
beneficiary, gives us the low-down<br />
on the ins and outs of the charity.<br />
“<br />
THE BLUEPRINTS<br />
David continues. “The volunteer<br />
In practical terms, the way Remap gets the opportunity to meet the<br />
works is, firstly, people get in person who has this challenge,<br />
touch to explain what their need understand what they want, design<br />
is. The central office passes the something, take them a prototype,<br />
request on to local groups, that make it... They get to see the whole<br />
assign cases to volunteers whose cycle from designing something<br />
skills are best suited to the project. to seeing it used, and that’s hugely<br />
“Our only requirement is that satisfying for people.”<br />
you’ve checked to see if this is<br />
As David sees it, the process<br />
already out there,” David adds. is a partnership between the<br />
“Because we’re here to fill the volunteers and the beneficiary,<br />
gap where something isn’t<br />
often providing a place for<br />
commercially available.”<br />
collaboration where both can<br />
Beyond that, the projects Remap throw out ideas to solve problems<br />
takes on vary between mobility in innovative ways.<br />
solutions and electronics, to the<br />
simple things that enhance our AT YOUR SERVICE<br />
wellbeing in immeasurable ways. In his role as CEO, every week<br />
From wheelchair turntables in David sees what he describes as<br />
tight corridors, to customised endlessly interesting, challenging,<br />
stepladders and voice amplifiers, and remarkable stories.<br />
no job is too big, or too small.<br />
“As the challenges come in<br />
“What’s so nice about the process I’m left thinking, ‘I wonder how<br />
is that there are opportunities for they’re going to solve that one.’<br />
different people to use their skills And then you see the photos or<br />
in different ways – because we a video and think, ‘Oh, that’s a<br />
get asked about so many things,” cracking solution!’” he says. >>><br />
82 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Linda’s piano<br />
Linda is an accomplished singing and piano teacher but, following treatment<br />
for breast cancer, she found that she was unable to support her left arm<br />
enough to play. With the help of a Remap volunteer, Linda had a rail fitted to<br />
the front of her piano to allow a wrist support to slide silently up and down.<br />
Immediately, Linda was able to enjoy her hobby and continue teaching.<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 83
‘It in no way interferes<br />
in his enjoyment, but<br />
it gives them that<br />
reassurance’<br />
Tom’s trike<br />
“Tom’s a lad who has a three-wheeled trike which he uses for exercise,” says David.<br />
“His parents got him this trike so he could burn up all the energy he’s got. But the<br />
problem was that he just sped away and they couldn’t keep up with him. What they<br />
needed was something that meant they could keep going with him, and also have an<br />
emergency brake.<br />
“So our volunteer built a kind-of buggy board that goes on the back. Mum or dad<br />
rides behind him – he does all the work, but they can help and they have a brake. It in<br />
no way interferes with his enjoyment, but it gives them that reassurance.”<br />
James’ vocal cord paralysis<br />
means he can only speak<br />
quietly. With his voice<br />
amplifier, he can now be<br />
heard loud and clear!<br />
Margaux’s dwarfism comes with<br />
challenges. But her custom step<br />
gives her the same independence<br />
as other children<br />
84 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
Brian is one such beneficiary of<br />
the simple fixes Remap creates.<br />
Having played bass guitar since<br />
2000, Brian’s deteriorating<br />
condition meant that it became<br />
increasingly difficult for him to<br />
continue enjoying his instrument.<br />
In order to keep up his much-loved<br />
hobby, Brian needed something<br />
that would take the weight of the<br />
guitar off of his spine.<br />
Brian had heard about the work<br />
that Remap do, and so he reached<br />
out with his problem. This is where<br />
Paul came in.<br />
A Remap volunteer for two years,<br />
Paul first got involved with the<br />
charity to give something back<br />
to his community. When Brian’s<br />
dilemma was presented to Paul’s<br />
Remap group, he knew it was<br />
something he could help with.<br />
“I went over to Brian, had a<br />
look at the problem, took some<br />
measurements, and then came up<br />
with a design,” Paul explains. Over<br />
a fortnight, he crafted a custom-fit<br />
guitar stand, that would support<br />
Brian’s bass while he played.<br />
“I went back, it all fitted perfectly<br />
and it worked first time – which<br />
doesn’t normally happen!” Paul<br />
adds. “Brian takes the armrests off<br />
the wheelchair. There’s a socket<br />
where the chair arms go in, and the<br />
guitar rest has brackets that fix into<br />
that slot – it’s all fully adjustable.”<br />
Brian was delighted with the<br />
bracket, which he says renewed his<br />
love for the instrument.<br />
“On the feel-good factor, it’s<br />
quite an important thing for me<br />
to be able to participate in, and<br />
play, music,” Brian explains. “This<br />
bracket has taken all the weight<br />
off my shoulders and I’m playing<br />
the guitar again – I’d even say it’s<br />
improved my playing.”<br />
Brian can now<br />
enjoy his hobby<br />
without limits<br />
LAYING FOUNDATIONS<br />
Brian knows all too well the<br />
impact that being physically<br />
limited can have on your<br />
mental health.<br />
“You have this little zone which<br />
you know you can do things in,<br />
and if things in that zone become<br />
incredibly difficult it’s even<br />
worse, because you feel as though<br />
you’re becoming more and more<br />
restricted,” he explains.<br />
For Brian, taking back control<br />
of something that brought him so<br />
much joy has had a huge impact<br />
on his wellbeing, in a way that he<br />
believes can often be overlooked.<br />
“Clinically, the NHS has supplied<br />
me a chair and that’s the big<br />
picture. But once you’ve got the<br />
big picture solved, to really feel<br />
the benefit, it’s the small things<br />
that matter.”<br />
This is something David sees<br />
regularly through Remap’s work.<br />
“With the medical professionals,<br />
someone will ask: ‘Can you get<br />
yourself in and out of bed?’, ‘Can<br />
you make a cup of tea?’ It’s a list<br />
of things to tick off and then on to<br />
the next person,” David explains.<br />
“But what gets missed is: ‘What’s<br />
your passion in life? What do you<br />
love doing? And can you do that?’<br />
“For anybody, to not be able<br />
to do the thing that you’re in<br />
to is a big downer in your life.<br />
But if you already have a big<br />
restriction, it becomes even<br />
more important that you have<br />
some way to express yourself.”<br />
JOB DONE<br />
We all deserve to live in an<br />
accessible world where we<br />
can move and our enjoy our<br />
hobbies, unrestricted. There<br />
is so much joy to be found in<br />
the small things in life. From<br />
making music, like Brian, to<br />
the countless other remarkable<br />
fixes that engineers have<br />
created over the years – Remap<br />
is the charity that picks up on<br />
the things that can easily slip<br />
down the priority list, and<br />
bumps them to the top.<br />
Powered by the generosity and<br />
aptitude of volunteers, things<br />
that begin life as dreams are<br />
turned into reality, and so often<br />
it’s a life-enhancing process for<br />
all involved.<br />
To find out more and to donate,<br />
visit remap.org.uk<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 85
Photography | Naitian Tony Wang<br />
“<br />
When admiring other people's<br />
gardens, don't forget to tend to<br />
your own f lowers<br />
– SANOBER KHAN
TRUE LIFE<br />
From client<br />
to counsellor<br />
Creativity had always helped Nicola Vanlint to thrive,<br />
until panic attacks ground her world to a halt. But<br />
now she’s combining her experiences to live her best<br />
life, and support others on their journeys, too<br />
Writing | Nicola Vanlint<br />
I<br />
loved my career<br />
as a fashion<br />
stylist – being<br />
creative, meeting<br />
new people, and<br />
travelling the world – until<br />
one day I experienced<br />
the horror of a panic<br />
attack, and my whole life<br />
changed...<br />
Growing up, I enjoyed<br />
primary school as I<br />
had the freedom to be<br />
creative, but when things<br />
became more academic in<br />
secondary school, that all<br />
changed. At the time I was<br />
unaware of my dyslexia,<br />
and thought that I was just<br />
stupid. When I left school<br />
in 1990, I came away with<br />
no qualifications.<br />
I worked in retail and<br />
customer services for a<br />
few years, until I was made<br />
redundant. I didn’t know<br />
what to do next, until I<br />
saw a job advertised for a<br />
part-time window dresser.<br />
Even the interview was<br />
fun, as I got to go around<br />
the store and gather items<br />
for a window display. I was<br />
offered a full-time position<br />
in their flagship store in<br />
Marble Arch and was over<br />
the moon – I still look<br />
back at that job with fond<br />
memories.<br />
Through my colleagues<br />
in the press office and PR,<br />
I first heard about fashion<br />
styling. I was excited that<br />
you could have a career<br />
in dressing people rather<br />
than mannequins, so I<br />
contacted some fashion<br />
stylists and offered to<br />
be their assistant on<br />
weekends.<br />
From collecting and<br />
returning clothes to<br />
PR companies, I then<br />
began assisting on some<br />
photoshoots. On these<br />
shoots the photographers<br />
always had assistants,<br />
like myself, who wanted<br />
to build a portfolio of<br />
work – in those days<br />
a qualification wasn’t<br />
required but a portfolio<br />
was. I started to do ‘test<br />
shoots’ where assistant<br />
stylists, make-up artists,<br />
photographers and<br />
budding models got<br />
together to create images<br />
for their portfolios.<br />
There, in 1998, my career<br />
began; I thought I was set<br />
up for a dazzling life in<br />
fashion for the rest of my<br />
career. Until one day that<br />
all changed.<br />
I was shopping with my<br />
fiancé, which resulted in a<br />
minor disagreement about<br />
what to buy. Not only was<br />
my reaction to him totally<br />
disproportionate to the<br />
event, but suddenly I felt<br />
like I couldn’t breathe,<br />
the world was closing in<br />
on me, I was dizzy and<br />
couldn’t see properly – I<br />
was even foaming at the<br />
mouth. I managed to<br />
get back to the car and<br />
collapsed on the floor,<br />
completely terrified and<br />
confused. I knew I had<br />
to make an appointment<br />
with my doctor, who<br />
advised me to talk to<br />
someone at Mindline – a<br />
helpline in south east<br />
London.<br />
Like my initial<br />
unawareness of styling,<br />
counselling was a<br />
complete unknown to<br />
me. I didn’t know anyone<br />
who’d had counselling,<br />
and couldn’t understand<br />
how simply talking to<br />
someone was going to stop<br />
these horrendous attacks. >>><br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 87
Find out more about Nicola by<br />
visiting nicolavanlint.co.uk<br />
I felt like I couldn’t breathe,<br />
the world was closing in on<br />
me, I was dizzy and couldn’t<br />
see properly<br />
Unlike now on the NHS,<br />
where you might wait<br />
months, this was 2002 and<br />
I was lucky that I only had<br />
to wait a couple of weeks<br />
for an appointment –<br />
although they were some<br />
of the hardest weeks of<br />
my life. The panic attacks<br />
continued, I became quite<br />
depressed, and had to<br />
cancel work as I didn’t<br />
want to leave the house. I<br />
was unable to live my dayto-day<br />
life through fear.<br />
I attended counselling<br />
once a week, which,<br />
despite my apprehension,<br />
actually started to help.<br />
I was able to discuss my<br />
fears and thoughts openly,<br />
without being judged. I<br />
started speaking about my<br />
childhood and past. How<br />
my dad neglected me, my<br />
nan, who had been my<br />
main carer at the time due<br />
to my mum having to work<br />
all hours, died suddenly<br />
when I was eight years old.<br />
My early teenage years<br />
involved physical and<br />
emotional bullying, and<br />
during my late teens I was<br />
in a violent relationship.<br />
I now know that these<br />
experiences are classed<br />
in psychological terms as<br />
small ‘t’ traumas, and an<br />
accumulation of these,<br />
especially in childhood,<br />
can lead to post traumatic<br />
stress disorder (PTSD),<br />
which can manifest in later<br />
life through panic attacks.<br />
Small ‘t’ traumas are<br />
highly distressing events<br />
that affect us on a personal<br />
level, causing disruption<br />
in emotional functioning,<br />
which we may not even be<br />
aware of until later in life.<br />
These distressing events<br />
are not inherently life<br />
threatening, but can cause<br />
an overwhelming amount<br />
of stess that exceeds our<br />
ability to cope, or integrate<br />
the emotions involved with<br />
that experience.<br />
I started to build my<br />
confidence back up<br />
through journalling and<br />
therapy, but I was still<br />
unable to go on jobs abroad,<br />
or be in large crowds. I had<br />
to give up my career as a<br />
stylist because I couldn’t<br />
attend the shoots, and took a<br />
local admin job instead.<br />
My counsellor suggested<br />
I go on a self-awareness<br />
counselling course, and<br />
that is where my journey to<br />
become a counsellor began.<br />
I was intrigued as to how<br />
my suppressed emotions<br />
had manifested and erupted<br />
at a time when I felt most<br />
settled in my life.<br />
I’ve always been interested<br />
in how the mind works,<br />
but never pursued it due<br />
to my struggles at school<br />
88 • happiful.com • <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong>
I was intrigued as to<br />
how my suppressed<br />
emotions had<br />
manifested and<br />
erupted at a time<br />
when I felt most<br />
settled in my life<br />
– it wasn’t until I actually<br />
attended college that my<br />
dyslexia was diagnosed,<br />
with help from a very<br />
supportive tutor. During<br />
the course I developed<br />
severe psoriasis all over<br />
my lower body and in<br />
my hair. The psoriasis,<br />
like the panic attacks,<br />
was a symptom of my<br />
suppressed emotions.<br />
To gain experience as<br />
a therapist, I returned<br />
to Mind as a volunteer. I<br />
went on to become a crisis<br />
counsellor with them,<br />
and then set up my own<br />
private practice in 2010.<br />
My personal experience<br />
has shaped my way of<br />
working as a therapist,<br />
and I still like to see my<br />
work as being creative –<br />
counselling is like fashion<br />
and one style of therapy<br />
may not suit all.<br />
Unknown to me at the<br />
time, my performance in<br />
my career was affected<br />
by the little ‘t’ traumas I<br />
experienced in childhood,<br />
and held on to in my<br />
body. I learnt that our<br />
mental health affects our<br />
performance in every<br />
aspect of our lives –<br />
including our career.<br />
In working this<br />
way, I came to notice<br />
that in addition to a<br />
client’s improvement<br />
in mental wellbeing,<br />
their performance and<br />
productivity at work<br />
increased. This has led<br />
me to offer performance<br />
therapy to sports people,<br />
and workshops within<br />
organisations on how<br />
to perform better in all<br />
aspects of life.<br />
Although counselling is a<br />
collaborative and creative<br />
process, I realised that<br />
when I stopped working<br />
as a stylist, that creative<br />
part of me had gone<br />
stagnant. I started to look<br />
at the psychology of the<br />
creative process, and how<br />
this affects our wellbeing,<br />
and found studies<br />
showing that artistic<br />
self-expression might<br />
contribute to maintenance<br />
or reconstruction of a<br />
positive identity.<br />
I have come to realise<br />
that for my own wellbeing<br />
I have needed, and still<br />
need, to be creative –<br />
whether it’s through<br />
changing my hair colour,<br />
my clothes, making<br />
greeting cards, taking<br />
photos, gardening or<br />
home interior projects.<br />
The latter creative<br />
activities also help my<br />
stress levels, as I am being<br />
mindful in the process.<br />
It’s been a journey to get<br />
to this point, and I will<br />
always be aware of how<br />
my past, the dyslexia,<br />
panic attacks, and<br />
counselling have formed<br />
my life to be what it is<br />
today. No matter what<br />
path my life takes in the<br />
future, I know that I need<br />
to continue to tap into<br />
my creativity, and selfexpression,<br />
for my mental<br />
health and wellbeing.<br />
OUR EXPERT SAYS<br />
Nicola’s inspiring journey<br />
highlights how our life<br />
experience is truly with<br />
us forever, and if we do<br />
not have opportunity to<br />
explore such difficulties<br />
that we have experienced,<br />
they can impact our lives<br />
negatively in the future –<br />
and in her case manifest<br />
as severe panic attacks.<br />
Nicola courageously<br />
explored what was<br />
happening for her, to<br />
understand and also<br />
grow, via the process of<br />
counselling. Thankfully,<br />
Nicola was able to navigate<br />
her way through her<br />
trauma to a place where<br />
she now draws upon<br />
her experience<br />
as a source<br />
of strength,<br />
determination<br />
and positive<br />
energy.<br />
Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)<br />
Counsellor and psychotherapist<br />
<strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 89
Mental health<br />
matters<br />
Lucy Sheridan, the first and only comparison<br />
coach, knows what it’s like to feel to be crippled<br />
by self-doubt. Now, it’s her mission to help<br />
people all over the world to break free from the<br />
comparison trap. Here, she opens up about her<br />
own experience, and shares words of advice...<br />
Follow @lucysheridan<br />
on Instagram and Twitter<br />
Mental health matters to me<br />
because… it colours every part<br />
of my life. More and more,<br />
people are feeling safe to discuss<br />
their experiences, and realising<br />
that we don’t have to wait until<br />
things feel unbearable before<br />
recognising we need support.<br />
I’d like to see things progress<br />
to the point where we express<br />
our mental health as freely as we<br />
do with physical health, and are<br />
met with the same compassion,<br />
understanding, and empathy.<br />
When I need some self-care, I…<br />
take myself offline and retreat<br />
from the world for a few days.<br />
The best lesson I’ve learned in<br />
life is… the timing will always<br />
be perfect. Setting goals is great<br />
for our focus, but sometimes,<br />
no matter how committed we<br />
are, things don’t work out as<br />
planned. The tendency is to let<br />
self-doubt creep in, and yet often<br />
the progress we seek is unfolding<br />
as it needs to. Years ago, I was<br />
unhappy in my job, but expected<br />
that it might be a few years<br />
before I could leave. Suddenly big<br />
changes came in at the company,<br />
and I ended up leaving within<br />
a few months! Although I felt<br />
worried and unprepared, it was<br />
just the push I needed.<br />
Three things I would say to<br />
someone experiencing mental<br />
ill-health are… to share how<br />
you’re feeling with someone that<br />
you trust. It’s OK to seek therapy<br />
– we each deserve to heal. Take<br />
time out from the internet – the<br />
stimulus rarely helps when we<br />
are not feeling ourselves.<br />
The moment I felt most proud of<br />
myself was… a couple of months<br />
ago, when I created a new course<br />
– after too much time thinking<br />
about it – called The Good<br />
Gram, that taught social media<br />
confidence and strategy. Seeing<br />
it out in the world was a big<br />
moment that highlighted to me<br />
what I can do when I set my mind<br />
to it. It silenced the inner critic<br />
that had dominated my thoughts<br />
for too long.<br />
Being a comparison coach has<br />
taught me is... there is always<br />
more work to do, and I’ll continue<br />
to be a prime case study.<br />
‘The Comparison<br />
Cure’ by Lucy<br />
Sheridan is out<br />
now (Orion<br />
Spring, £14.99)<br />
The main thing I want people to<br />
know about the comparison trap<br />
is… it will take a while to free<br />
yourself, but if you stick at it you<br />
can and will. There isn’t a switch<br />
to flick, rather it’s a process we<br />
can tailor to our own needs. It’s<br />
so important to have an open<br />
mind and set new standards for<br />
yourself. I used to feel constantly<br />
in comparison, and it was like a<br />
dull ache that permeated my life.<br />
I still compare myself, but today<br />
those episodes are short-lived<br />
and spread out, which feels like<br />
great progress.<br />
When I’m lacking motivation I…<br />
check what day of my cycle I’m<br />
on... When I have PMT I know<br />
I need to listen to my body and<br />
rest rather than bully myself into<br />
being productive. At other times<br />
when I need a boost, I look at my<br />
vision board to remind myself<br />
what rewards are in store if I stay<br />
the course!
Photography | Christian Buehner<br />
“<br />
By being yourself, you put<br />
something wonderful in the<br />
world that was not there before<br />
– EDWIN ELLIOT<br />
December 2018 • happiful • 91
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