Mother&Baby Mar20

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Baby&Toddler
Love is
all around us
You are your baby’s first love – here’s how to build on your bond
and support his ability to forge connections as he grows…
tip
A recent study found that
men who take their babies
out of the house in a sling
develop a stronger relationship
with them. So grab a carrier
and make 15-minute walks
a regular date – it works
for mums too!
WORDS HATTIE GARLICK PHOTOGRAPHY SHUTTERSTOCK, ADOBE STOCK
At this time of year we’re
constantly being bombarded
by hearts and flowers and mad,
overblown images of romance
that most of us fall well short of
in our usual day-to-day lives.
But there is one rush you feel that means
more than a million Valentine’s Day cards
and a houseful of flowers – that crazy little
thing called love you have with your baby.
Because, right now, you’re the centre of his
universe, and the very first person he’ll have
a relationship with. You are his first love.
And it’s from the bond he makes with
you that he’ll learn how to handle all of his
future connections as he grows. Yes, all of
his future friends, playmates, even romantic
relationships, will stem from your special
bond. Research suggests that the quality of
the relationships in your child’s early years
will affect almost every aspect of his later
development, from his self-confidence to
his motivation to learn and his ability
to forge friendships. By understanding
how your baby bonds with you, you
can support these developing skills.
Just like any relationship, the
moment true love strikes happens at
different times for different people:
some mums feel a strong bond growing
with their bump, some find it’s love at first
sight, while for some it can take days or
months for it to form and strengthen. But
whichever way it happens, it does happen.
Attachment is based on familiarity so, simply
by being with your baby, your bond grows.
From your baby’s point of view, though,
this connection happens from the get-go.
‘From the moment of birth, if not before,
babies appear to have innate mechanisms that
prompt them to learn about who looks after
them, and who can teach them about social
MEET THE
EXPERT
Professor Pasco
Fearon is a professor
of developmental
psychopathology
and a clinical
psychologist at
University College
London
tip
When you’re soothing
your baby, make your first
step to slow everything
down. What’s important is
that you’re connecting with
your baby, rather than
rushing to find an
instant fix.
interaction,’ explains clinical psychologist
Professor Pasco Fearon. Skin-to-skin contact
with your newborn releases oxytocin, a
hormone that promotes bonding. And
experiments show that babies as young as
12 hours old show a clear preference for
watching their mum’s face over those of
strangers, and for her voice. In fact, babies
in the womb have been shown to turn their
heads in response to voices outside from just
24 weeks into a pregnancy, so your baby
will have grown used to yours well before
he makes his appearance.
Your bond grows as you spend time
together. ‘The attachment process is very
much a two-way street, involving you
as much as your baby,’ explains Pasco.
And that’s because all those day-today
interactions you have with your
little one are the building blocks of
his early brain development.
When your baby
babbles, you
respond
62 | March 2020 | motherandbaby.co.uk motherandbaby.co.uk | March 2020 | 63

WORDS EMILY THORPE PHOTOGRAPHY ISTOCK, GETTY IMAGES
Meaningful
ME-TIME
In the midst of manic motherhood, every mum needs
her Unicorn Space. Confused? Read on…
It’s 8pm and the house is finally quiet
after a day of chaos. Your baby is
asleep after some resistance, and the
remnants of dinner have been cleared
away. A pocket of glorious free
time stretches out in front of you.
The question is – what exactly do you do
with this rare opportunity?
For many of us mums, it’s time to try to
make a dent in the never-ending to-do list
of jobs that need to be done. It hardly even
crosses our minds that we could use this
time for... ourselves!
‘Many new mums willingly take on this
new role without fully recognising the endless
emotional, mental, and physical effort
parenthood requires,’ says organisational
specialist and author Eve Rodsky. ‘Before
we can catch our breath in between sterilising
bottles, doing dishes, folding laundry,
restocking the nursery, running to the
supermarket, picking up prescriptions,
preparing meals, tidying up, and attending
to our little ones, we discover that we have
no time left for ourselves.’
And it’s not just this eternal busyness that
may prevent you from spending any time
on yourself – we’re all-too familiar with
the looming presence of mum-guilt, too.
‘Recent research exploring mother’s guilt
found that mothers feel far guiltier than
fathers,’ says Eve. ‘So many of us have bought
into the cultural messaging that a good
mother spends the bulk of her available time
in service to the family, or risk suffering
disapproval from her community, peers and
even her partner for spending her hours
differently. But it’s time that we re-frame
what it means to be a “good” mum as a
woman who spends her time in service to
her family and to herself.’
Time where you’re not being mum may feel
like a rare experience you’ve only occasionally
MEET THE
EXPERT
Eve Rodsky is an
organisational
specialist, author of
Fair Play (£16.99,
Quercus), and
a mum of three
dabbled in – but it’s an important one. Eve
has dubbed this time as Unicorn Space. That
might make it sound magical, whimsical, and
even slightly unobtainable but, don’t worry,
it’s actually pretty straightforward.
‘Unicorn Space allows you to reclaim or
discover the interests or talents that make you
uniquely you, driving you to be the fullest
expression of yourself,’ she explains. ‘It boosts
your individual happiness and strengthens
partnerships. The necessity for Unicorn Space
emerged from my interviews with hundreds
of women around the world who shared a
longing for their pre-parent self, or for a new
version of themselves that they described
as “more alive”, “fuller”, “expressive”
and “purposeful”.’
Unicorn Space is not just another version
of self-care, either. While that might include
you getting a massage, or cosying up with
a good book, Unicorn Space is a form of
meaningful me-time which is connected to a
larger goal that can also be shared with others
in some way. While both are important, these
should be treated as very separate things.
If you’re thinking to yourself, ‘Sure,
Unicorn Space sounds great! But how on
Life&Kids
Win!
If you fancy getting your hands
on Eve's book Fair Play (£16.99,
Quercus), we’ve got five copies
to give away. Visit winit.mother
andbaby.co.uk by 18 February
2020 – see website for terms
and conditions.
84 | March 2020 | motherandbaby.co.uk
motherandbaby.co.uk | March 2020 | 85

FEATURE NAME
Pack Mane ‘N Tail
Detangler (£7.99, superdrug.
com) in your hospital bag.
Giving birth can lead to extreme
bedhead hair, but this will take
care of the most stubborn
of knots!
During pregnancy you expect
to look and feel different –
after all, there’s a whole lot
of impressive stuff going on
inside you to help grow a
baby! But changes to your
hair can be a lot more unpredictable – you
may be blessed with the most voluminous,
shiny hair you’ve ever had, or experience
oiliness or a change in texture – all of which
are completely normal. ‘Pregnancy hair varies
from woman to woman,’ says trichologist
Anabel Kingsley. ‘Some pregnant ladies
experience lots of changes to their hair, while
others don’t notice anything at all. Hair can
even react differently in different pregnancies.
Just like pregnancy skin, sometimes it improves,
sometimes it doesn’t. Rest assured, though,
your hair will be back to your hair – possibly
with added perks – around a year after having
your baby.’ So, stay positive and remember:
there are ways of handling the changes so you
can experience lots more good hair days!
THE THICK OF IT
‘The most common hair change reported by
pregnant ladies is fuller locks,’ says Anabel.
‘But you’re not magically growing more hair
– this thickness happens because you’re losing
less hairs daily than you would normally. The
average person usually loses around 100 hairs
a day as part of the natural hair cycle. But
when you’re pregnant, increased oestrogen
levels, which soar during the first trimester
and continue into the other two, cause your
hair to sit in the growth phase of the hair
cycle for longer, so hair shedding is delayed.
This means you only lose around 20 hairs a
day.’ It’s this strand build-up that gives you
the appearance of thicker hair.
‘Some women are convinced their hair is
growing longer, too,’ says Anabel. ‘But strands
can only grow half an inch a month. So,
this is just a perceived concept thanks
to the thickness.’ This thickness
makes any hair style look
amazing, but you might need to
take smaller sections when
curling or straightening to
get good results. And, when
pinning your hair up,
double up and use grips
lapped over each other
across the grooves at each
end, for added support.
THINLY VEILED
At the other end of the
strand-scale, you may
experience hair loss – known as
shedding. While this is most likely
to occur post-baby, it can also strike
Colour
crisis?
Deciding whether
to colour your hair
when pregnant is a
personal choice.
Your scalp can be
more sensitive,
so an adverse
reaction could
happen even if
you’ve had
treatments for
years – do a patch
test first.
Whatever you
decide, once
you’ve had your
baby a trip to the
salon can help
your hair’s
appearance. ‘Visit
a good colourist
who won’t
over-process your
post-partum hair,’
advises Anabel.
‘Also work to
reduce the
contrast between
your scalp and hair
colours in order to
make hair appear
fuller when that
shedding starts.’
Little
fluffers
During the fourth trimester, as all those
old hairs start shedding on mass, new hairs
must grow. Which means baby hairs are pretty
much inevitable. ‘It’s actually when your hair
starts to grow back that you notice how much
you’ve lost,’ says Anabel. ‘You do lose hairs from
your crown, but it’s most noticeable around your
temples and above your ears, as you see these
areas daily. Ride these wispy bits out – your
baby is the reason why they are there,
it’s out of your control, and every
baby hair is one hair closer to
getting your former
locks back.’
Bump&Birth
during pregnancy. ‘Morning sickness can
contribute to shedding,’ explains Anabel.
‘Your hair needs nutrients to grow, but the
essentials go to your baby first. Gestational
diabetes, coming off the contraceptive pill, and
iron deficiency can also encourage shedding.
Stress plays a part, too, especially when the
shedding happens during the first trimester,
or very soon into the second. The loss is a
reflection of what happened three months
earlier – tying into the hair cycle – so if you
had a tough time getting pregnant or in the
early days, your hair can react.’
All these factors, and more, can contribute
to hair loss once you have your baby. ‘Postpartum
hair loss is reported to affect 50 per
cent of women,’ says Anabel. ‘However,
experts believe the figure is likely to be much
higher, given what women go through to get
their babies safely into the world. Then you
need to consider the sudden dip of oestrogen,
which happens after birth and takes effect on
your hair around three months afterwards –
or later if you’re breastfeeding.’ It kick-starts
your hair cycle into a more typical time frame,
so the shedding begins and it’s time to lose
the hairs you’ve been building up over the
previous nine months.
It’s frustrating, but it isn’t forever. ‘About
six months on, the shedding will go back to a
typical hair growth and loss cycle,’ reassures
Anabel. ‘Once your baby is here, or after you
finish breastfeeding, it’s time to support new
hairs as the increased shedding goes on.’ This
means eating the right foods packed with iron
– beetroot, spinach and steak are great – and
keeping to regular meals as much as possible.
Managing this stress, with the help of family
and friends, will allow your hair to grow back
stronger than ever – just like you.
And while you’re experiencing shedding,
you can make your hair feel thicker all over.
You gotta love a mum bun – try plaiting
your hair before you swirl it up into
the bun, pin it in place and then
pull at the sides of the plait to
add volume. Or curl your hair
in chunky sections – thinner
hair bends so much quicker
– to add width. It’s also
worth using Lee Stafford
Hair Growth Scalp
Scrub (£8.99, boots.
com) once or twice a
week, to help things along.
SHINY HAPPY HAIR
Another hair wild card is
how shiny your hair will
go during pregnancy. ‘Your
scalp produces less oils when
you’re pregnant, which means
22 | March 2020 | motherandbaby.co.uk motherandbaby.co.uk | March 2020 | 23

The food
of love
Get your little helpers on board this Valentine’s Day!
SUITABLE
FROM 12
MONTHS
A new way
to sneak in those
veggies! Plus, the
beetroot will help to
keep this cake lovely
and moist.
Beetroot
chocolate cake
Prep: 10 minutes
Cook: 20 minutes
Makes: 12 portions
Directions
1 Preheat the oven
to 160˚C/300˚F/
gas mark 2.
2 Line a small baking
tray or roasting tin with
non-stick paper.
3 Measure all of the
ingredients into a bowl.
Whisk together until
light and fluffy.
4 Spoon into the tin
and level the top.
5 Bake for 20
minutes,
until well
risen
and firm
in the
centre.
SUITABLE
FROM 12
MONTHS
Ingredients
● 3 eggs
● 70g light
brown sugar
● 125g self-raising
flour
● 1 tsp baking
powder
● 25g cocoa
powder
● 100g butter,
softened
● 50g maple syrup
● 100g beetroot,
cooked and grated
● 80g melted
chocolate
MEET THE
EXPERT
Annabel Karmel
is a children’s
food expert,
bestselling author,
and a mum of three
Plum & almond heart cake
Prep: 20 minutes
Cook: 1 hour 10 minutes
Makes: 8 portions
Directions
1 Preheat the oven to 160˚C/
300˚F/gas mark 2. Grease and line
the base of a heart-shaped baking
tin (roughly 20cm).
2 Measure the butter, sugar, eggs,
flour, ground almonds and almond
extract into a bowl. Whisk using an
electric hand whisk. Dice 2 of the plums
and stir into the mixture.
3 Spoon into the tin and level the
surface. Slice the remaining plums
and arrange on top. Sprinkle with
flaked almonds.
4 Bake for 1 hour 10 minutes until well
risen and firm to the touch in the middle.
Leave to cool slightly.
5 Meanwhile, heat the jam in a pan
over a low heat until loosened, to create
a glaze. Brush the glaze over the top
of the cake to serve.
This recipe
requires lots of measuring,
mixing and whisking
assistance – the perfect
tasks for those new to
the kitchen.
● 175g butter,
softened
● 150g caster
sugar
● 3 large eggs
● 150g self-raising
flour
● 75g ground
Ingredients
almonds
● 1½ tsp almond
extract
● 4 large plums
● 25g flaked
almonds
● 1 tbsp raspberry
or plum jam
Rice Krispie
hearts
Prep: 10 minutes
(excluding chilling time)
Cook: 5 minutes
Makes: 6-8 hearts
Directions
1 Measure the syrup and butter into a
pan. Heat until melted, stirring. Add the
white chocolate and stir until runny. Add
the remaining ingredients and mix well.
2 Spoon into 6 to 8 small heart-shaped
moulds. Chill for 2 hours, until firm.
3 Loosen the edges and turn out the
Rice Krispie hearts. Chill in the fridge
for a further 2 hours.
● 100g golden syrup
● 100g butter
● 100g white chocolate
● 50g Rice Krispies
Ingredients
● 75g porridge oats
● 50g dried cranberries,
chopped
● 40g pecans,
chopped
SUITABLE
FROM 12
MONTHS
These little
bites of heartshaped
loveliness
say it all!
FUN WITH
FOOD
For more
family meal
inspiration and
healthy-eating
guides, head to
motherandbaby.
co.uk/food
96 | March 2020 | motherandbaby.co.uk
motherandbaby.co.uk | March 2020 | 97

Babies can’t do anything for themselves when
they’re born. They need you to feed them,
cuddle them, help them to sleep… ‘So, it’s no
surprise that they have a strong motivation to
communicate what they want,’ says Annie.
‘They need it to survive!’ Right from the
get-go, your baby’s cries are trying to tell you
something. ‘In the first few weeks, the noises
your baby makes when she cries will probably
just sound piercing and strained,’ says Annie.
‘She’s learning to use her voice and you’re
learning to interpret it. But as the weeks go by,
if you listen very carefully, you’ll gradually
start to hear that there are differences in the
cry: your baby is using a variety of noises to
indicate what she wants.’
Newborns always have a hearing test –
either carried out before you leave hospital
or done by a health professional in the first
few weeks of your youngster’s life. ‘This is
really important because, if babies can’t hear
sounds, they can’t copy them,’ says Annie.
Copying is one of the skills babies use to learn
language. And it’s not just sounds that babies
imitate – it’s also the way our mouth, face and
eyes move when we talk. As time progresses,
listen out for your baby starting to make a few
gentle open vowel sounds, such as ‘ooh’ and
‘ah’. ‘It doesn’t take much strength in the
tongue, jaw or lips to make these sounds, so
they’re the ones that come first,’ says Annie.
‘By five to six months this cooing turns into
a babbling sound that is more rhythmic.
This shows that she’s enjoying the sound
of her own voice, which is important for
developing language skills, and she’s trying
out the sounds that she hears.’ Here’s what
you can do to help her…
Have
daily sayings
When you have a baby, there are some
things you do every day: you change her nappy, you
feed her, you put her in her cot. ‘Each daily routine is a
rich opportunity for communication,’ says Annie. ‘If you use
the same words to describe each experience, each time,
your baby will become attuned to those words. So, say,
“nappy time!” every time you change her. And
reinforce the word “nappy” by tapping her nappy
when you say it. Keep it simple: you just want
two to three words for each action, such as
“Bedtime!”, “Let’s have milk!” and
“Let’s go out!”’
LEARNING
TO TALK
Special
0-6 months
Hold
her close
Your baby can’t see very far when she’s
tiny, but she’s able to focus on your face when
you’re holding her in your arms. In this position
she’s able to see, feel and smell you. Spend time
alone with her, looking at her and chatting. It’s
a wonderful opportunity for your baby to
watch you and focus on the sounds
you’re making.
Think
tummy talk
time
Your baby may not be a fan of tummy time, but
there’s a simple way to make her happier on the floor
and to build her language skills – get down there with
her! ‘If you lie on your tummy, facing your baby, it
motivates her to raise her head and look at you,’ says
Annie. ‘This builds her muscles, which she needs
for eating as well as for rolling, crawling
and walking, and it’s a great opportunity
Use a
parent-facing
stroller
Babies love looking at faces – and of all faces, your face
is the one your baby loves best. ‘When you’re out and
about, have your baby facing you,’ says Annie. ‘She can hear
you and watch your mouth as you talk. Plus, you will be able to
see what she’s aware of. If she jumps when a car horn beeps,
you can respond to that and say, “That’s a car horn. Beep
beep!” That gives words to her experience, which is an
important part of helping her to understand the
world. She needs to understand before she
can communicate with gestures or words.’
Make
up lullabies
‘Singing any lullaby or nursery rhyme is a
wonderful way to build up your baby’s understanding
of words and language,’ says Annie. ‘But if you can adapt
existing lullabies, or make up your own, you can add in words
that your baby hears a lot anyway.’ These familiar words act
as an anchor – helping to secure your baby’s understanding
of the sounds you’re making. For instance:
Woof, woof, woof, says our dog Jack,
Chasing leaves around the track.
He just likes to bark and run
And give a lick to everyone…
Woof, woof, woof, says our dog Jack,
Chasing leaves around the track.
‘I talk non-stop to my
two – about everything!
What clothes I’m putting on
them; what we’re doing; what I’m
writing on the shopping list. My
oldest has a wide vocabulary and my
youngest is already babbling away!’
Samantha Shea, 34, from
Bedford, is mum to Artemis,
four-and-a-half months,
and Olivia, four
48 | March 2020 | motherandbaby.co.uk
to talk face-to-face.’
motherandbaby.co.uk | March 2020 | 49