A FREE magazine on and around coercive control
CCChat
The Free Magazine
On and Around
Coercive Control
FREE
April
2020
When things are overwhelming
Time To Schedule in a Cry Spa
THE CCCHAT INTERVIEW
SUE PENNA OF ROCK POOL
THE A-Z Of A JOURNEY TO RECOVERY
Alison Bird on Trauma
TRAUMA &
RECOVERY
The Apple
Technique
Making The Invisible Visible
An Apple A Day
Acknowledge: Notice and
acknowledge the uncertainty as it
comes to mind.
Pause: Don't react as you normally do.
Don't react at all. Pause and breathe.
Pull back: Tell yourself this is just the
worry talking, and this need for
apparent certainty is not helpful and
not necessary. It is only a thought or
feeling. Don't believe everything you
think. Thoughts are not statements or
facts.
Let go: Let go of the thought or
feeling. It will pass. You don't have to
respond to them. You might imagine
them floating away in a bubble or
cloud.
Explore: Explore the present moment,
because right now, in this moment, all
is well.
Notice your breathing and the
sensations of your breathing.
Notice the ground beneath you. Look
around and notice what you see, what
you hear, what you can touch, what
you can smell. Right now.
Then shift your focus of attention to
something else - on what you need to
do, on what you were doing before you
noticed the worry, or do something
else - mindfully with your full attention.
If you are worried or feeling
anxious, This acronym is
recommended by
AnxietyUK.
A - acknowledge
P - pause
P - pull back
L - let go
E - explore
Making The Invisible Visible
Editor's Notes
About The Editor
Min Grob started
Conference on Coercive
Control in June 2015,
following the end of a
relationship that was
both coercive and
controlling.
Since then, there have
been 6 national
conferences and several
smaller events.
Min’s interest lies in
recognising coercive
control in its initial
stages, identifying
the ‘red flags’ of abusive
behaviour so that a
person can leave a
relationship before it
becomes gets serious,
and it's harder to leave.
Min also talks about
identifying covert abuse,
and how it might look on
social media.
Min is a public speaker
and speaks on both her
personal experience of
coercive control as well
as more generally of
abuse that is hidden in
plain sight.
Let's Grow The
Conversation!
To contact Min:
contact@coercivecontrol.
co.uk
“ To study psychological trauma is to come face to face both with human
vulnerability in the natural world and with the capacity for evil in human
nature “
Judith Herman
Welcome to the Trauma edition of CCChat Magazine.
This has been an interesting issue to put together, not only
because of my own personal journey with trauma but also
because of the unprecedented 'lockdown' that has been
imposed as a response to coronavirus.
Living in these unprecedented times, I am only too aware of
how many of us have experienced elevated levels of stress
and anxiety. I know this because my inbox is full of survivors
needing a listening ear because this pandemic has created
significant challenges. It is clear that social media and its
propensity to spread misinformation and catastrophise is
having a significant effect on wellbeing - both good but also,
significantly, in creating more anxiety and fear.
It is with this in mind that I have decided to split this issue into
two parts and focus much more on the recovery side, leaving
the trauma side until after this pandemic is over. I think now,
more than any other time, there is a need for coping
strategies to reduce fear, anxiety, worry and panic attacks.
Even though this issue has been split into half, it is still a
bumper issue, packed full of information that will be useful to
victims, survivors or anyone who is worried during this time.
I have also used mostly uplifting and peaceful images in this
issue to, hopefully, give some joy in these very strange times
Stay safe and see you soon, Min x
Making The Invisible Visible
Contents
The Apple Technique
2 A simple way of managing anxiety.
Editor's Notes
5 With Covid-19, Min this issue has been
split in two,with greater focus on managing
worries and anxiety.
Understanding Trauma
9 Traumatic memories are encoded in a
different way to ordinary memories.
Book Into Cry Spa
14 Sometimes it all gets too much and you
just need a really good cry.
Finding Joy In Nature
21 Taking photos of nature to help with
melancholy.
The 3 Stages of Recovery
24 A summary from Judith Herman's book
'Trauma and Recovery.'
Recovery College
29 Putting recovery into action.
Making The Invisible Visible
Contents
The CCChat Interview
32 Meet Sue Penna of Rock Pool
Self Compassion
43 Self care to prevent compassion fatigue
A-Z of a Journey of Recovery
45 Ways of alleviating anxiety during these
difficult times.
CCChat Opinion Piece
90 Alison Bird discusses trauma
Coronavirus Relief Fund
96 Introduction to Maanch
Making The Invisible Invisible
Understanding
TRAUMA
I
n
her groundbreaking book Trauma and Recovery
Judith Herman, a Professor of clinical psychiatry at
Harvard University Medical School writes: 'The
Conflict between the will to deny horrible events and
the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic
of psychological trauma.
People who have survived atrocities often tell their stories in a highly
emotional, contradictory, and fragmental manner which undermines their
credibility and thereby serves the twin imperatives of truth telling and secrecy.
When the truth is finally recognized, survivors can begin their recovery. But
far too often secrecy prevails, and the story of the traumatic event surfaces not
as a verbal narrative but as a symptom.' As anyone who has been through,
worked with or supported anyone who is traumatised, this comes as no
surprise yet there is a huge lack in understanding of what trauma looks like, to
the outside world.
The American Psychological Association defines trauma as " an emotional
response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster." It goes
on to say that shock and denial are typical, that longer term reactions include
unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships and even physical
symptoms like headaches or nausea which, whilst normal, can result in
difficulty in moving on with lives. Judith Herman views psychological trauma
as an affliction of the powerless where, at the moment of trauma, the victim is
rendered helpless by overwhelming force, where the traumatic event
overwhelms the ordinary adaptions to human life.
When it was first included in the diagnostic manual, the American Psychiatric
Association, in 1980, post-traumatic stress disorder was described as "outside
the range of usual human experience" but Herman is of the view that rape and
other forms of sexual and domestic violence are so common that they can no
longer be described as atypical.
The common denominator, according to the Comprehensive Textbook of
Psychiatry, is a feeling of " intense fear, helplessness, loss of control, and
threat of annihilation"
Making The Invisible Visible
When people respond to danger, it
arouses the sympathetic nevous
system resulting in an adrenaline rush
and a heightened sense of alertness
which may alter peception such as the
ability to disregard hunger, fatigue or
pain, as the body prepares for fight or
flight.
When escape or resistance is not
possible, the body then becomes
overwhelmed and the normal response
to danger morphs into an altered state
which persists long after the actual
danger is over.
provocations and often sleeps poorly.
This hyperarousal occurs both whilst
awake and during sleep, causing
frequent wakings during the night,
with an inabilityto tune out repetitive
stimuli that others find merely
annoying.
Intrusion
Long after the danger has passed,
people who are traumatised relive the
event as though it were still happening,
experiencing nightmares during sleep
as well as flashbacks during waking
hours, which will often occur as a
response to seemingly insignificant
triggers.This hugely impacts daily life.
Traumatic memories are encoded in a different way to ordinary
memories in that they are not always linear, but are fragmented.
Traumatic events produce long and
lasting changes in the physiological
arousal, emotion, cognition and
memory and the traumatised person
may experience intense emotion yet
have no clear memory of the event, or
they may remember it without any
emotion. Traumatic symptoms have a
tendency to become disconnected from
their source and to take a life of their
own. Many of the symptoms of posttraumatic
stress disorder fall into three
main categories: Hyperarousal,
intrusion and constriction.
Hyperarousal
After a traumatic event, the body goes
into a permanent alert mode, always
looking out for danger. A person will
startle easily, react irritable to small
The seeming insignificance will evoke
vivid memories of the traumatic event,
to such an extent that even safe
environments can feel unsafe as these
triggers can strike at any time, often
with no forearning.
Traumatic memories are encoded in a
different way to ordinary memories in
that they are not always linear, but are
fragmented so, whereas a normal
memory is like the action of telling a
story, a traumatic memory is not a
memory because of ' an inward
reaction through the words we address
to ourselves, but through the
organisation of the event to others and
to ourselves ' (Pierre Janet)
Traumatic memories aren't really
memories at all, as they lack verbal
narrative and context but exist as vivid
images and sensations.
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In his essay, The Concept of The Survivor
Robert Jay Lifton describes the traumatic
memory as an 'indelible image' or 'death
imprint' Often one particualar set of images
cystallises the experience , in what Lifton
calls the "ultimate horror".
The intense focus on fragmentary sensation,
image without context, gives the traumatic
memory a heightened reality. In her book,
Judith Herman describes a vivid memory by
Tim O'Brien, a combat veteran in the
Vietnam War: " I remember the white bone
of an arm. I remember the pieces of skin and
something wet and yellow that must have
been the intestines. The gore was horrible,
and stays with me . But what wakes me up
twenty years later is Dave Jensen singing
'Lemon Tree' as we threw down the parts."
This, according to Bessel van der Kolk,
is because linguistic encoding of
memory is inactivated and the central
nervous system reverts to sensory and
iconic forms of memory reminiscent of
early childhood.
In the same way that traumatic
memories are not the same as ordinary
memories, traumatic dreams differ
from ordinary dreams. They often
include fragments of the traumatic
event in exact form,with little or no
elaboration, occur frequently and with
terrifying immediacy, as if happening
in the present.Kolk suggests traumatic
nightmares occur in stages of sleep,
where people do not ordinarily sleep.
“Psychological trauma is an affliction of the powerless. At the moment of trauma,
the victim is rendered helpless by overwhelming force, When the force is that of
nature, we speak of disasters. When the force is that of other people,
we speak of atrocities." Judith Herman, M.D.
According to Bessel van der Kolk, the
predominance of imagery and bodily
sensation with the absence of verbal
narrative in traumatic memories
resembles the memories of young
children who do not yet have the
verbal narrative to explain their
memories.
The studies of children, by psychiatrist
Lenore Terr offer insight into
traumatic memory. Terr found that
non of the children in a study of twenty
children, with histories of early
trauma, could give a verbal description
of events that occured before they were
two and a half years old, but eighteen
of the children showed evidence of
traumatic memory in their behaviour
and in how they played.
Constriction
When a person is completely powerless
and any form of resistance is futile,the
system of self defence shuts down as
the person goes into a state of
surrender.The helpless person escapes
the situation, not by actions in the real
world but by altering the state of
consciousness.
These alterations of consciousness are
at the heart of constriction, or
numbing, Sometimes situations of
inescapable danger evoke not only
terror and rage but also detached calm.
Events continue to register, but in a
numbed sense, often in slow motion
and may feel like a bad dream from
which the person is hoping to wake.
These detached states are similar to
hypnotic trance.
Making The Invisible Visible
“Traumatised people who can not
spontaneously dissociate, may attempt to
produce similar numbing effects
using drugs or alcohol. ”
Studies show that although people
vary in their ability to enter hypnotic
trance, it is a normal property of
human consciousness and that
traumatic events can powerfully
activate the capacity for trance.
While people usually enter hypnotic
states under controlled circumstances,
traumatic trance states can occur in
uncontrolled circumstances and
usually without conscious choice.
Traumatised people who can not
spontaneously dissociate, may attempt
to produce similar numbing effects
using drugs or alcohol.
A study of war veterans, by the
psychologist Josefina Card showed
that men who developed PTSD were
far more likely to engage in heavy
consumption of narcotics and street
drugs.
The constrictive process keeps
traumatic memories out of normal
consciousness, either as amnesia or in
the form of a truncated memory,
because we don't allow ourselves to
remember, for fear of opening up all
the pain, terror and distress.
Though constricted symptoms are the
body's way of defending against hugely
overwhelming states, they can narrow
and deplete quality of life and prevent
healing by becoming maladaptive once
the danger has passed.
Trauma and Recovery
The Aftermath of
Violence From Domestic
Abuse to Political Terrorby
Judith Herman, M.D.
Making The Invisible Visible
Book Yourself Into
CRY SPA
Making The Invisible Visible
CRY SPA
What is Cry Spa? Do you ever have those feelings where
you are rushed , trying too hard to cope with everything
that has been thrown at you and all you want to do is
scream at the world? In the same way that I have found
myself so overtired, I have been unable to go to sleep, I
have been so stressd, I have been unable to cry.
Cry Spa came about purely by accident when, during a time of enormous
pressure. and at a time when I would have ordinarily gone out of my way to do
anything that would cause me more upset, I sat down to watch a movie,
knowing that it would make me cry, and then, having finished watched
another one, just as sad. I've done the same thing with music, when
heartbroken or in some other despair, I deliberately chose to listen to
melancholic songs of rejection and abandonment or, worse, bereavement and
wallowed in the comfort that these songs brought. They spoke to my
desolation, put my distress into words and made me feel less alone.
What I hadn't anticipated was the cathartic relief I would find from crying
until I could, literally, cry no more. All the pent up despair had been lifted and
had dissipated and although I was not exactly transported to a place of joy, the
relief of having released some of the tension meant I felt less on edge, the
migraines felt reduced, the jaw less clenched and the cloud was - even if only
slightly- less suffocating.
Now, during moments of intense stress and anxiety, I make sure I schedule in
a weekend specifically devoted to crying. It is an emotional detox; a way of
eradicating and eliminating. A wellbeing colonic, if you like.
So what does it entail, to devote a weekend to crying?
For obvious reasons, it's best to do this when you are on your own. I make
sure it's on a weekend when my children are away. Feeling sad and missing
the children is a natural starting point for Cry Spa, so we are at first base
before we've even started. I make sure I get in comfort food- something hot
and soothing- nourishment for the soul.It isn't about stuffing your face with
junk food, it's about food that tastes good, although it would be a lie to say
that junk food doesn't feature, I try and make sure that it isn't the main or
only feature.
Making The Invisible Visible
sometimes crying is the only
way to feel better
It is about releasing emotion but also
about enveloping your self in love, so
you are better able to face the future.
Setting the mood is important so
depending or where you will spend
most of your time, clear the sofa, fluff
up the cushions or change the
bedsheets. There is nothing better and
more life affirming that crisp, fresh
sheets, even better if they are starched,
so that they rustle as you put them on
the bed. Get in a candle or some oils
you can burn. The olfactory sense has a
unique intimacy with emotion so
soothing scents like rose, geranium,
vanilla or lavender can all help to set
the mood to release stress.
All that crying will make your eyes and
nose sore and your face puffy, so it's a
good idea to combine a Cry Spa with
some indulgent treatments for your
face or, at the very least, get in some
eyedrops, a soothing moisturiser, a lip
balm and lots of lotion impregnanted
tissues.
This may be going over the top, but I
even have a Cry Spa wardrobe - the
softest, fluffiest tops, leggings and
pyjamas for winter, or crisp cotton for
when the weather is warmer. Of course
there is a huge blanket, a hot water
bottle and plenty of tea. Get yourself a
playlist of the saddest songs and a
collection of tear jerker movies and cry
yourself to wellness.
AVOID ALCOHOL
Use the time to soothe
yourself with warming and
nourishing drinks. Try to
avoid alcohol, which is a
depressant, as you want to
cry to release frustrations
and pent up emotions, to
be able to feel better, not to
drown your sorrows.
Some soothing alternatives
to tea include Horlicks,
Matcha or turmeric lattes
and Barley Cup.
Making The Invisible Visible
Cry Spa Essentials:
Set aside some time, it doesn't have to be a
whole weekend, it can just be enough time to
watch a couple of sad movies. I like to make it
a whole weekend as I will also spend the time
listening to music and cooking.
Comfortable clothes
Moisturiser
Tissues
Balm
Lip balm
Comfort food
Nourishing food
Music - some ideas:
Gregorian Chants
Ethos Music - Nothing Left To Lose
Eric Satie - Gnossienes
Axi Rosenberg- Spiro
Amy Winehouse - Back To Black
Dido -White Flag
Lyeoka-Simply Falling
Verdi -Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves, Nabucco
Astrud Gilberto - Only Trust Your Heart
Nina Simone -Please don't let me be
misunderstood
Nat King Cole- Smile
Etta James - I'd Rather Go Blind
Ain't No Sunshine Bill Withers
Andrea Bocelli - Con te Partiro
Ave Maria
sometimes crying is the only way to feel better
Food - some ideas:
Risotto
Shepherd's Pie
Sponge puddings and custard
Mashed potatoes and gravy
Soup
Bubble and Squeak
Rice Pudding
Lasagne
Cauliflower Cheese
Potato Dauphinoise
Dim Sum
Gnocchi
Polenta
Roti Canai
Udon Noodles in broth
Linguine with crabmeat
Ice cream
Trifle
Jambalaya
Moussaka
Aubergine Parmigiano/ Involtini
Movies- some ideas:
The Painted Veil
The Light Between Oceans
Sylvia
The Elephant Man
Blood Diamond
The Green Mile
Terms of Endearment
Big Fish
Hotel Rwanda
Ghost
Moulin Rouge
Butterfield 8
Jean de Florette
Remember Me
The Diving Bell and The Butterfly
Bambi
Marley & Me
Cast Away
The English Patient
Cinema Paradiso
Dead Poet's Society
Making The Invisible Visible
Finding Joy
In Nature
Making The Invisible Visible
As cathartic as a
good cry can be,
sometimes we
just want to find
some joy in our
lives and one way
of doing this is to
spend time in
nature.
I
t can be really difficult to
motivate yourself to go out
for a walk, more so when you
are feeling particularly down.
The weather also plays a huge part in the
decision. Cold damp weather and the
recent high winds have significantly less
beckoning power than a bright blue and
sunny sky. One thing I've done for some
time now, which helps with melancholy,
is to take photographs of everything I see
in nature, that is beautiful. It might be a
blue sky, a vibrantly green copse or the
Making The Invisible Visible
rich blue of a linseed field, the bright
yellow of rapeseed or a beautiful
building, a blossoming tree, even the
sun's rays dancing off the surface of a
river, I now photograph these, not for
the joy they create at the time, but for
the low days, when I really need them
to lifet me up but can't motivate myself
into the outdoors.
I will often stop at a lay-by or pull over
on my bike to take a photo ( 'not
another photograph of a sunset, sigh
my children) or wake up really early
and drive to the sea for a life affirming
picture and then put them together in
one place - an album, or even on a
mood enhancing Instagram account
which only contains photos you know
will lift you out of your gloom and raise
your spirits. Look at them, when you
are feeling low. Look at them often
because, as the saying goes: small
steps in the right direction can turn
out to be the biggest step of your life.
Making The Invisible Visible
The 3 Stages of
Recovery
This is a summary of the 3 Stages of Recovery from Judith
Herman's seminal book “Trauma and Recovery”.
This model is used in therapy.
Trauma is often caused by natural
disaster, war , rape, childhood sexual
abuse or domestic abuse. It can be
caused by experiencing the abuse or
witnessing someone’s else’s abuse,
accident, or sudden death.
When several traumatic incidents
happen over a period of time, this is
known as chronic trauma. A one-time
traumatic event is known as acute
trauma.
The severity of impact experienced
from the trauma will depend on the
person, their history and any previous
trauma they may have experienced.
It is not uncommon for people who
have been traumatised to persistently
re-experience that trauma so they will
avoid any stimuli related to it.
It is likely that any negative thoughts
or feelings will worsen as a result of
the trauma and that the traumatised
person will be in a heightened state of
anxiety and hypervigilance - known as
hyper-arousal and possibly also be
reactive, so are irritable and are prone
to fly off the handle.
There may also be feelings of betrayal
and loss of trust.
The three stages of recovery, as
described in Judith Herman's book are
not a simple linear process. Each
traumatised person will move through
the stages at their own pace and may
even need to revisit the stages at any
point during their recovery, if they
later find that there is more to
process.
Making The Invisible Visible
Stage 1: Establishment of Safety
Judith Herman talks about how
traumatic events can destroy
assumptions of safety which can have a
negative impact on how you much you
value yourself. Shame and guilt often
fuel this negative experience of
yourself. According to Maslow’s
hierarchy of needs your sense of safety
and trust is established early in life and
trauma shatters that safety and
trust. At this first stage you share your
history with your therapist. It is crucial
that you feel comfortable with your
therapist as you need to feel the sense
of safety and trust which was taken
away from you due to the trauma. The
focus at this stage is about creating
more stability and reducing the
feelings of being out of control. This
stage is where a good history is taken,
so that assessments or evaluations,
agreed by you and your therapist, can
set the pace, and determine how to
move towards the second stage. Your
therapist will work on strategies that
will help you feel less overwhelmed
and more likely to stay within your
'Window of Tolerance'. Being outside
of your 'Window of Tolerance' is when
you are likely to get triggered and feel
overwhelmed with panic, anxiety,
anger or depression. The strategies
commonly used by therapists who
have experience with trauma recovery,
may include going into your
imagination to create a place that feels
safe & calm for you. Another strategy is
where you create a box in your mind to
put your memories or feelings in to, so
that you can come back to them at a
time when you are ready. These
strategies can help you feel grounded,
calm, and start to put some distance
between yourself and the feelings or
memories. When you have established
a readiness to do the deeper work you
will move to the second stage.
Making The Invisible Visible
Stage 2: Remembrance &
Mourning
This an empowering stage in your
recovery. According to Herman,
“trauma resolves only when the
survivor develops a new mental
‘schema’ for understanding what has
happened”. In stage 2, you tell your
story of the trauma by putting words
or feelings to the memory, naming the
sensations you feel in your body. It is
this naming of the trauma that may
give you a sense of the power that was
taken away from you. Sharing parts of
your experiences or being willing to
confront them is an act of courage so
you will set the pace. It may be that
telling your story brings up
uncomfortable emotions so it may be
necessary to revisit stage 1 to revisit
the strategies you learned to establish
safety, to keep you within your
‘Window of Tolerance’.
The relationship with your therapist, is
crucial. The therapist listens with no
judgment, giving you a language to use
to describe your experience to help you
construct a new interpretation of the
traumatic experience that is not based
on shame and guilt and you no longer
feel responsible for what happened.
Stage 2 can feel like putting together a
difficult picture puzzle. Patience is
important during this stage. You may
feel that you have made some progress
and then feel that you are stuck again.
When you are in the midst of the work
it may be difficult to see that there has
been any movement, yet there most
likely has been. When this stage comes
to completion you will need to rebuild
your life in the present and pursue
your dreams for the future. This all
happens in Stage 3 of the recovery
process. This will be challenging but
empowering.
Making The Invisible Visible
You may need to re-establish a sense of
safety as you approach reconnecting
with others. Now there is the capacity
to revisit old hopes and dreams.
This is an opportunity to create a new
self. Letting go and forgiving yourself
even if you had no control over the
event is possible at this time. The
positive aspects of yourself can be
embraced now. They become
incorporated into your new self.
Stage 3: Reconnection
In the 2nd stage you will have
mourned the old self that the trauma
destroyed. This stage is about
developing a new self. The goal is to
emerge with a sense of empowerment
and reconnection.
The old beliefs that gave meaning to
your life have been challenged and you
must now develop new relationships.
It is important during this final stage
that you devote time and energy to
taking care of yourself. According to
Herman, this means taking care of
your body, your environment, your
material needs, and your relationships
with others. food, body, peace.
In this process you may revisit some
issues related to safety that you did in
the first stage.
In Stage 3 of recovery you focus on
issues of identity and intimacy. The
trauma should have receded to the
past and there will likely not be the
barriers to intimacy that were there in
the past but it's important to
understand that recovery may not be
100% complete. Under stress, old
memories and symptoms may recur
but putting in place the strategies you
have learned can help you stay within
your 'Window of Tolerance'.
During such a time, it may be a good
time to reconnect with your therapist,
to both check in and practice the
coping strategies you have both put in
place, as a prevention, to help you to
focus on the present and the future
without being controlled by the past.
Trauma and Recovery: The
Aftermath of Violence- From
Domestic Abuse to Political
Terror
by Judith Herman, M.D.
available as a book and an audiobook.
Making The Invisible Visible
Recovery
College
Recovery College provides courses to help people build an
understanding of themselves. It is where the lived experience
and the learned experience join forces.
There are a number of Recovery
Colleges running across the country.
They offer educational courses about
mental health and recovery which are
designed to increase knowledge and
skills for self management of a
student's own mental health and
wellbeing. For a person with a lived
experience of mental ill health, it can
help them to become an expert in their
own wellbeing and recovery.
Recovery colleges can be used as an
alternative to, or alongside mental
health services, or to help move out of
mainstream services and they are a
place of education where service users,
carers and staff learn together.
This differs from the traditional
therapeutic approach where a client/
patient talks to a therapist, in a
recovery college both those with lived
experience of mental illness and those
who work as professionals learn from
each other.
Another difference between traditional
ideas of clinical recovery and what a
recovery college is able to offer is that
traditional recovery focuses on
removing symptoms and 'getting back
to normal', whereas personal recovery
means different things to different
people and is defined by the person
who is experiencing the mental illness.
Putting recovery into action means
focusing care on what is personally
meaningful and important and
recovery colleges provide a range of
courses and workshops open to service
users, carers and members of staff to
develop their skills, understand mental
health, identify goals and support their
access to opportunities to learn, grow
and plan for the future.
The courses are co-developed and codelivered
by people with lived
experience and learned experience of
mental health challenges.
Making The Invisible Visible
Recovery is learning to live a meaningful life beyond
illness, either with or without ongoing symptoms.
Who can attend the Recovery
College?
You need meet certain eligibility
criteria which differs from college to
college but, broadly speaking, it is
open to anyone aged 18 and above,
with experience of mental health
issues, carers and and National Health
Trust members of staff and volunteers.
What is Recovery?
• Recovery is learning to
live a meaningful life
beyond illness, either with
or without ongoing
symptoms
Ask your GP, local wellbeing service or
mental health support worker if there
is a Recovery College in your local
area.
• Recovery is a journey of
personal development and
discovery which focuses on
your wellbeing.
Useful Contacts:
MIND
charity for mental health
There is a network of around 125 local
Minds across England and Wales.
To locate your nearest one, use the
map on www.mind.org.uk
Recovery College Online
www.recoverycollegeonline.co.uk
Making The Invisible Visible
CCChat Interview
Sue Penna
Sue Penna is the Chief
Creative Officer of
Rock Pool Life CIC.
She has worked with
individuals who have
psychological trauma
as a result of adverse
childhood experiences
(ACEs) for over 30
years in her
professional life as a
clinician, trainer and
supervisor both within
the NHS and
independently.
Sue has written
trauma informed
domestic abuse
programmes including
the Inspiring Families
Programme, Adult and
Children and Young
People Domestic
Abuse Recovery
Toolkits and the
Sexual Violence
Recovery Toolkit.
Sue has also devised
the ACE Recovery
Toolkit written for
parents and the
ACE Recovery Toolkit
for children and
young people.
www.rockpool.life
S
ue
Penna specialises in writing psychoeducational
programmes that promote
trauma informed practice and a
recovery model and CCChat is delighted
to be able to interview Sue, to find out
more.
Min: Hi Sue, thank you so much for agreeing to this
interview, I’m really glad to be able to speak to you and
find out more about what you do at Rock Pool.
Sue: It’s lovely to be asked, thank you.
Min: Could you tell me a little bit about you and how
you came to start Rock Pool?
Sue: My background and training is in occupational
therapy. I specialised in adult mental health and also
trained as a counsellor. Most of the clinical work I did,
when I was in the NHS, was working with adults that
had experienced some sort of trauma as children,
mostly child sexual abuse. I left the NHS back in 2004
and became a domestic violence coordinator in the
third sector before it was mainstreamed into the local
authorities, back in the day when it was all voluntary
sector. I did that for a couple of years. I didn’t want to
go back to a mainstream local authority and so started
working on my own.
The world of domestic violence, bizarrely, started for
me, when I moved house and started volunteering. I
didn’t know anybody where I moved and saw an advert
in the local art centre asking for women interested in
sitting on a management committee of a refuge and
that’s where it all started. I went along and became a
member, I did that for a while and that was even before
I became a DV coordinator and it sparked my interest
and frustration around what happens to women really.
I was also volunteering in a refuge, another refuge, and
they wanted to run a programme for the women in the
refuge .
Making The Invisible Visible
“The world of domestic violence, bizarrely, started for me, when
I moved house and started volunteering.”
Sue Penna, Rock Pool Life
They knew that my background was in
writing groups. That’s what I did as a
therapist. I ran lots of group work for
sexual abuse and people with eating
disorders which is probably as a result
of trauma, so this trauma work I did, is
where the Recovery Toolkit started.
The first Recovery Toolkit for domestic
abuse was written and piloted in a
local refuge and then we piloted it with
Victim Support in Cornwall. They ran
it for two years. 77 women over two
years. We looked at the results of it, to
make sure it was useful and it had
been useful. And then out of that came
the children’s programme and then the
other toolkits.
Min: Are the toolkits for survivors or
facilitators? Who can access them?
Sue: What we do is train. Rock Pool
came about because I realised that I
couldn’t keep travelling around the
country delivering on my own, so we
set up Rock Pool because, at some
point I’d quite like to retire. What we
do is train agencies to deliver the
training to their clients so they are all
for individuals that have experienced
abuse and are separated from their
perptrator except our Inspiring
Families programme which is for
families where there is domestic abuse
and they want to stay together, which
is a huge number of people who don’t
get services because they often dip
under the radar.
For me, the thing around domestic
violence is that we are, on the whole,
Making The Invisible Visible
not good at assessing the dynamics of
domestic violence, in this country. We
tend to lump everybody in as the same.
I think that there are nuances to
people’s experiences- we don’t assess
what those dynamics are in that
family.
I think that there are families where
there is coercion and control, where
there isn’t necessarily any violence
because there doesn’t need to be,
because that control is so huge that
people, women mainly, are frightened
but I think there are other families,
and I think this is where the trauma
stuff comes in, where, if you have
grown up in a household where you
were traumatised and the people who
brought you up were traumatised, and
passing the trauma on, what are your
norms? Your coping strategies and the
things you do to survive are really
unhelpful both in adult relationships
and as a parent.
Min: Yes, that’s very true
Sue: So what happens at the moment
is that, if your way of resolving issues
is through violence, it will be classed as
domestic violence. It is wrong but if no
one has ever spent any time telling you
that there are other ways that that
relationship can be – and this isn’t
where there is power and control- this
is where there is violence without
power and control, that violence is a
poor coping strategy that has been
learnt by living in households that are
violent.
Min: I agree with you. It really
frustrates me when I see narratives
like ‘all abuse is abuse’. There is a
spectrum, you need to look at the
intention and you need to look at
where it is coming from.
Making The Invisible Visible
Sue: Absolutely. And because we don’t
assess the dynamics very well, we don’t
know that and just lump it all together.
Inspiring Families is a 10 week
assessment and they more or less go
through the same programme. It’s an
educative programme so at the end of
that, we will be able to look at the
families we are working with and go,
‘You know, there’s coercion and
control here, he’s really dangerous and
we need to protect these children at
any cost. This isn’t going anywhere
good.’ Or ‘there isn’t any power and
control in this relationship but there is
violence and actually what we know is
that violence is always about alcohol
and this person had lots of adverse
We struggle to get this programme out
there because what we are saying isn’t
very popular.
Min: This is a conversation that needs
to be had. With domestic abuse, the
emphasis tends to be on high risk,
which is good because that is where
the greatest danger lies, where there is
risk to life, but there is hardly any help
for coercive control at the lower end of
the continuum, where the behaviour is
wrong, where the perpetrator wants
tools on how to change, or the victim
needs tools on how to manage. It
seems to consistently be written off as
a toxic relationship where people
shouldn’t be together.
“If we start off shaming, we are not going to engage.”
Sue Penna, Rock Pool Life
childhood experiences, and when
they’re stressed they turn to alcohol
and there is violence at that point and
what we have to do is we need to
intervene with that alcohol.’ This
person isn’t going to benefit from
going on a perpetrator programme,
because that isn’t going to help that
person. What’s going to help that
person is if we can deal with the
alcohol first. We also make sure that
the children are supported, so we train
people to run this and we go in at week
4 and week 10 and we help them make
sure it is appropriate for that family
and we have had amazing, amazing
results. Some people need locking up
and the keys throwing away, and
unfortunately, sometimes we have to
take the children because, whatever is
going on for her, she isn’t able to
protect the children.
Sue: So, they don’t have to admit that
they are being awful before they come
onto the programme, because they
might not know they are and if we start
off shaming, we are not going to
engage with them. Before I finished
writing the programme, I went to
speak to some women’s groups and
asked the women what do you think
would have happened if you had been
offered this programme when he said
that he wanted to change? So, the first
thing they said to me was that he
wouldn’t come and, actually, that’s not
true. We have hugely high retention
rates on this.
Min: And what risk level are those
men assessed at?
Making The Invisible Visible
Min: I think that a situation can be
made worse if you shame someone, it
doesn’t motivate anyone to want to
change and they are more likely to
minimise their actions and feel
resentment for being made to feel
guilt. I think that’s a huge problem.
Sue: We don’t do that. What we do is
very trauma informed, we go here’s a
bit of information, here’s what you can
think about it, and they both know that
each of them is getting the same
information every week. I was
terrified, the first time we ran. Eight
families started the first group and
they were all high risk, and eight
families finished.
Sue: From high to low. A lot of them
are high. No one has ever worked with
them like this before. No one has ever
said come along and we’re going to
give you some education about it. No
one’s ever done that. With most
participants, the kids are on the
register. Most of the families are
safeguarded. We engage them and I
said, anyway, if he didn’t come, what
would that have said to you? And they
said ‘well he didn’t want any help, did
he?’ and they all said that they might
have got out earlier, so that’s a win.
My view, when we started this, was
that if no one completes this, I don’t
care because what happens is we will
have made those women safer. We’ve
given them an opportunity to
understand what’s going on and given
them an opportunity to exit earlier and
safely.
My primary aim was not to get the
men through the programme but to
make the women and children safer.
Min: Do you still keep in touch?
Sue: No, I don’t run it. This was in
Slough. We train the people to deliver
it. We’ve done a cost benefit analysis in
Slough, and we had an audit and an
audit evaluation on one we’ve
delivered in Wales and even the
auditors said, some people said it was
like magic. We can’t claim all of that
because there’s lots of factors so we
can’t just claim that it’s our group that
made all that difference to families and
I understand that, but it’s massively
more important than what has been
happening to them because most
perpetrator programmes are so long.
When I was working independently, I
did a massive evaluation over quite a
long time, 3 years of a perpetrators
programme and I’m not saying ours is
the it is a solution but it is a different
approach. When I volunteered in
outreach, I got to see this young
woman and she was 20, she had a baby
and he had punched her when she was
holding the baby. She didn’t come
from any background like this at all.
She rang the police and he was
Making The Invisible Visible
that young man off and just say he’s a
nasty bad person and have him sitting
in a room with die hard, nasty
controlling blokes who have been
doing it for years, it would have done
his head in.
Min: There would be no commonality,
he wouldn’t be able to properly engage
and he would just feel shamed.
removed from the house and put on
bail. We thought he was going to go on
a Perpetrators Programme with some
really hard core perpetrators. When
she told me about her partner’s
childhood, where his mum was a sex
worker and drug user. He had seen
possibly, even suffered abuse as a
child. I couldn’t believe he had
managed to make a relationship with
someone who wasn’t damaged.
Somehow his resilience was that he
had made a relationship with a person
who was whole and the fact that he
had made this relationship with this
whole person indicated that he was
amazing, but also, under stress, he just
reverted to his default position. He’d
been beaten up as a kid and when he
was stressed, he didn’t know what to
do and didn’t have the verbal ability to
say, so he thumped and what he did
was wrong.
What he did was very, very wrong. He
could have hit that baby and it could
have been dreadful but we can’t write
Sue: He would be so shamed to think
that the world thought he was like that
and I think that someone like that
deserves an opportunity to be educated
about how you can be different. And to
be educated on how you can manage
that emotional regulation in a different
way, so that he can make that work
and he wasn’t getting that. I never
forgot that couple and I think that
Inspiring Families was written partly
because of them. So that’s my stuff.
I think there are a core of mainly men
out there who, through toxic
masculinity, through developmental
trauma, because of the rubbish they
have been through as children, need
some help as adult males to
understand that they can have
relationships that are not about
violence. It won’t work if there is
control and coercion, I’m not
suggesting that, I think that some of
that is so embedded for some men that
it’s not going to change, but I think
that we can at least think of some of
them being treated differently.
We worked with this Polish couple. He
had punched her at a wedding
reception, pissed, and police were
called, he was arrested, bail conditions,
but she would sit in a group and she
was clearly saying ‘I’m not frightened
of him, he doesn’t control my money I
do what I want. His issue is alcohol.’
Making The Invisible Visible
That book ‘See What You Made Me Do’
(by Jess Hill) just sums up what we do.
I love that book and Judith Herman’s
book (Trauma and Recovery) was
hugely influential for me, when I was
doing my work. When I worked in
adult mental health I was constantly
being told I worked with people with
borderline personality disorder, even
though what they had actually
experienced was complex
developmental trauma as children, and
I worked in a really medical team and
the doctors would say ‘ This is
borderline disorder and then I’d go
what? What does that mean, really? So
they’ve had a bit of a shit life, why do
we have to label them?
Sue: It’s about giving the person the
knowledge that the experts have.
Teaching people about the dynamics of
domestic abuse, telling them these are
recognised ways that perpetrators
operate, giving them information on
how they can get their self-confidence
back, how to challenge the negative
thinking that the perpetrator will
instilled.
Get the voice out of the perpetrator out
of their head. If you’ve been
brainwashed to believe you’re a piece
of shit for years, you will see yourself
as different but if you can identify how
they did that, you can challenge it. You
can turn it round.
“Why can’t we just work with some of the consequences of the
horrors they’ve experienced, rather than write them off?"
Sue Penna, Rock Pool Life
Why can’t we just work with some of
the consequences of the horrors
they’ve experienced, rather than write
them off? Which is what the
programmes are about because, again,
a lot of the women who have had to
deal with DV get labelled with
personality disorders or something
bizarre, and they’re not.
They are trauma victims. They’ve
experienced trauma and we should
treat people as though they have
experienced trauma not treat people as
though they’re ill.
Min: Or treat the person as though
they are so totally devoid of autonomy
that they can’t have a say in their own
lives and that experts know best.
It doesn’t have to be a life sentence,
but just putting sticking plasters on
people or just patronising people and
telling them you know better.
Min: Or cocooning
Sue: I don’t like it when agencies
control victims.
Min: What I’m really interested in
focusing on is shame. I think that it is a
big issue and one that is more
destructive than constructive. Shame
never comes from a good place and
there are no positive learning
experiences to be gleaned from being
shamed. I think that it’s a way of
making people feel bad from a position
of moral superiority. It is a tactic used
by perpetrators and abusers, but also
used as a way to humiliate people by
Making The Invisible Visible
those who aren’t abusers and, as a
society we need to understand that
making people feel inadequate is the
root of emotional abuse.
Sue: Looking at all of this with a
trauma lens on, it’s about making
people safe. I don’t necessarily mean
physically safe, as in going to a refuge,
it’s about being psychologically safe.
How do we let people understand, it’s
about trustworthiness and safety and
we can do so much by establishing
that. I don’t think years in counselling
is needed and it’s something every
frontline worker can do, if we just
think about it in a different way.
Min: If you had one tip
for professionals and one tip for
survivors, what would that be?
Sue: Tip for professionals – you need
to be professionally curious about what
is happening to people and for people
who have experienced abuse, that
there will be help somewhere, and if it
doesn’t work out the first time, just
keep going with it.
Min: Sue, what do you do to relax?
Sue: I watch rubbish telly
Min: With or without wine?
“You need to be professionally curious about what is happening
to people.”
Sue Penna, Rock Pool Life
Min: Have you worked with female
perpetrators?
Sue: We haven’t. There’s no reason to
think Inspiring Families wouldn’t
work, if the perpetrator was female, we
just haven’t done it because we aren’t
delivering in enough places, but the
Toolkit can be run with men or
women.
Min: How would a survivor get to hear
of it?
Sue: It depends if their area is
running it. Lots of Women’s Aid
affiliated organisations and third
sector providers run it, but we don’t
have a database.
Sue: With Gin. I like Gin. I like
cinema, I love walking. I just like being
home with friends and family. It’s
difficult at the moment, with this
lockdown. The thing that really relaxes
me is that I’m in a choir. I love singing.
I was one of those kids who was told I
was tone deaf
Min: Are you kidding? I was called a
growler and they needed people in the
choir to make up the numbers but I
was told I couldn’t sing, I could only
mime.
Sue: Yes, that was me. My daughter is
a soprano, classically trained and has
perfect pitch. A few years ago my
husband bought me singing lessons. I
thought was the worst present I’d ever
received in my life, except that it did
make me go and sing and now love it.
Making The Invisible Visible
“Words are the most powerful and we all have the
ability to use words that heal or harm.”
Sue Penna, Rock Pool Life
I sing in a choir, I sang in a band for
my husband’s sixtieth. When my
children were growing up, I didn’t even
sing them happy birthday because I
believed I made such a noise.
Min: It’s interesting though, isn’t it,
how someone made you feel ashamed
and it’s had a lasting effect. I often
wonder how different things could
have been if I hadn’t been made to feel
ashamed.
But we also all have the ability given
the right information and support to
challenge the harmful words and the
hurt they caused and choose our own
words, make our own destiny.
Min: That's a beautiful thought and a
beautiful way to end this interview.
Thank you so much, Sue, for agreeing
to talk to me for CCChat Magazine. It's
been really insightful and a real
pleasure.
Sue: I often think of the saying ‘sticks
and stones may break my bones but
words will never hurt me ‘ and the
absolute nonsence that is . Words are
the most powerful and we all have the
ability to use words that heal or harm.
For more information :
www.rockpool.life
An Introduction to Rock Pool
This is a really lovely short
film explaining why Rock
Pool was established and
outlining the work they do
https://youtu.be/
NtTfWrPeOfM
Making The Invisible Visible
Self Compassion
Not Compassion Fatigue
B
eing
a compassionate and empathic person who cares
for others is an admirable trait. But if you are always
trying to make other people happy and putting their
needs before your own, you could be neglecting
yourself and be at risk of compassion fatigue.
The author Andrew Boyd writes that 'Compassion hurts. When you feel
connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you
cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You
must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. From that quote, it
sounds like someone who has invested so much energy into the struggles of
others that it has had a detrimental impact on them.
If you find yourself in this situation, you could be at risk of compassion fatigue
which is described, by Dr Charles Figley,director of the Tulane University
Traumatology Institute as ' an extreme state of tension and preoccupation
with the suffering of those being helped to the degree that it can create a
secondary traumatic stress for the helper.'
Compassion fatigue happens when you are exhausted by it all, you feel
drained and become irritated. People in the caring professions are most at risk
of compassion fatigue and surveys have revealed that many workers have
recognised the symptoms in their colleagues. Compassion fatigue is also
common in those helping after a disaster or who are at the frontline working
with victims including therapists, which is why they have supervision, to be
able to offload worries that they have absorbed.
Compassion can be a good thing in that it can motivate us to help others but it
can also become overwhelming when someone cares more for other people
than they do about themselves.
There are ways to care without risking your own mental health. The first one is
to put your self first. You can't help others if you are not in a good place
yourself. Play to your strengths. If someone asks you to do something you
know you're not good at, tell them you're not the best person to ask and
suggest something else or someone else instead. Stop seeing yourself as a
rescuer and take a step back. This could be in the form of finding some
professional help or a support group for the person you are caring for.
Making The Invisible Visible
A-Z of a
journey of
recovery
Making The Invisible Visible
Instead of challenging distressing
thoughts by looking for evidence and
coming up with a more rational
response (CBT), in ACT, the thought is
accepted as a thought and then
defused using a variety of techniques,
which may include mindfulness,
metaphors and language with
a commitment to values-based living.
ACT is based on the idea that trying to
rid ourselves of pain and distress only
increases it, and turns it into
something traumatic. We learn to
make room for painful feelings,
thoughts, and sensations - allowing
them to be there, coming and going
without us struggling against them.
AWARENESS
One of the ways of healing from abuse
is to have a better understanding of
what abuse is and how and why it
happens. We may not be able to get the
answers we seek and we should be
prepared for that, but what we will get
is a deeper understanding that this is
something that happened to us, does
not define us. It is an acknowledgment
of what has happened and recognising
the impact it has had.
ACCEPTANCE AND
COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT)
ACT is a form of behavioural analysis
developed by clinical psychologist Dr
Steven Hayes and others, that builds
psychological flexibility. It differs from
traditional cognitive behavioural
therapy (CBT ) in that, unlike CBT, it is
not about controlling or eliminating
thoughts, feelings and memories, but
about accepting that they are there and
learning how to live with them in a
meaningful way.
Resources:
ACT in context: The Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy Podcast
www.contextualscience.org
www.stevenhayes.com
A Liberated Mind:
The essential guide to ACT
by Dr Steven C Hayes
AUDIOBOOKS
When in a heightened state of anxiety,
it can be difficult to muster enough
concentration to be able to focus on
the task of reading. When this
happens, I find that audiobooks are an
excellent way of getting the
information that I am unable to glean
from reading and find it especially
soothing to listen whilst driving down
secluded country lanes, in bed or when
cooking and tidying.
Making The Invisible Visible
BALANCE
As we age, things start to deteriorate,
one of these being our sense of
balance.There are several reasons for
this, ranging from inner ear problems
to nerve damage but, arguably, the
main one is either a loss of, or poor
core strength caused by deteriorating
muscle mass.
BE KIND
If you can be anything, be kind.
Experiencing a traumatic event can
make you feel violated and constantly
unsafe. Feeling as though you have
little control over your life can lead to
anger. Feeling angry is a natural
response to experiencing or witnessing
trauma. It is your body's way of
communicating that it has exceeded its
ability to cope but it can affect your
relationship with people around you
both at home, at work or online.
If you find yourself having anger
outburst and blaming those around
you for those outbursts, or your social
media engagement is becoming more
aggressive , it is a good idea to take
some time out and seek support.
Making yourself feel better by making
someone else feel worse is not a
sustainable self-care model.
Having a sedentary lifestyle is not only
a contributor to poor core strength, but
research suggets that it also increases
anxiety. In recent years, there has been
a lot of research into 'active sitting' in
which stabilising postural muscles are
worked, whilst sitting, by using wobble
cushions and physio balls. The
unstable surface activates the body's
stabilising muscles which, in turn,
improve balance.
When we improve our balance, we
lessen the risk of falling - a concern for
us all as we age. - but we also improve
our posture, our proprioception and
our coordination. Active sitting has
also been shown to have positive
benefits on concentration and focus in
children with ADHD, it is thought that
this is due effort required to stabilise
on a moveable object.
A Sissel Sit Fit cushion is an active,
dynamic seating aid which helps
engage stabilising muscles, to improve
balance, and tone the pelvic floor.
www.sisseluk.com
BREATHING
We all know how to breathe - or do
we? It might come as a surprise that
the majority of us breathe inefficiently,
mainly because we have always known
how to breathe and we do it
automatically, so have never had to
question whether or not it needs
Making The Invisible Visible
refining. There are many breathing
techniques that, depending on whether
you need to get more oxygen in the
lungs, correct hyperventilation,
manage a panic attack or dispel
anxiety, can help.
When people are anxious, they tend to
take rapid and shallow breaths. This is
known as thoracic breathing and,
when you are breathing in this way,
you are only part using yourwhole lung
capacity.
A simple way to check if you are
breathing thoracically is to stand in
front of the mirror and breathe. If your
shoulders rise as you breathe in, you
are breathing into your chest.
Because this form of breathing doesn't
use your whole lung capacity, it is very
easy for the oxygen and carbon dioxide
levels to become unbalanced resulting
in hyperventilation or a panic attack.
The way to breathe and ensure you are
using your whole lung capacity is to
breathe either through the abdomen
(diaphragmatic breathing) or laterally
(intercostal breathing).
Abdominal Breathing
This is the breathing that moves the
belly. As you inhale, your belly
extends out and as you exhale it
moves back in. Belly breathing is what
is used in Yoga practice.
Lateral Breathing
This breathing technique is used in
Pilates. It uses the whole of the lungs
and allows the abdominal muscles to
stay engaged for exercise.
Breathing is wide and full and directed
into the sides and back of the ribcage.
Making The Invisible Visible
Intercostal Breathing
1. Place each hand on the side of your
rib cage.
2. Inhale.Try not to lift the shoulders
as you inhale. Feel how your rib cage
expands sideways.
3. Exhale, concentrating on expelling
their air from your lungs as if you are
squeezing air from an accordion.
4. Inhale and visualise the breath
going both into the sides and the back
of your ribcage.
Some Breathing Exercises:
Diaphragmatic Breathing
1. Sit comfortably, with your feet on
the floor and place your hands on your
belly.
2.Breathe in slowly and calmly. Fill up
the belly with a normal breath. Try not
to breathe in too heavily. The hands
should move out when you breathe in,
as if you are filling up a balloon.
Try not to lift the shoulders as you
inhale.
4. Breathe out slowly to a count of 5.
Try to slow down the rate of the
exhale. After the exhale, hold for 2-3
seconds before inhaling again.
5. Work to continue to slow down the
pace of the breath. Practice this for
about 5 to 10 minutes each day.
Note: Breathing deeper may cause
light-headedness. A temporary
response to inhaling more air.
5. Visualize your ribcage expanding on
the inhale, like an accordion and
coming back together as you exhale.
6. It is easier keeping shoulders down
if, instead of placing your hands on the
ribcage, you loosely tie a pair of tights,
an exercise band or scarf just under
your chest.
Breathing for panic attacks.
This breathing focuses on the
outbreath, just letting the in breath
happen.
1. Sit somewhere quiet and still and
inhale. Feel the breath enter your
body. Note the coolness of the air.
3. Exhale. Notice the different sound
your breath makes, as you breathe out.
Feel how your body anchors down.
4. Inhale. Nice and soft. Until you can't
breathe in anymore.
5. Exhale. Visualise all the stale air
being expelled from your lungs. Expel
every last drop of stale air.
Repeat until the feelings of panic start
to subside.
Making The Invisible Visible
CRY SPA
Please see the full article on this in the
magazine.
COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL
THERAPY (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is
a form of psychotherapy that focuses
on modifying dysfunctional emotions,
behaviors, and thoughts by
interrogating and uprooting negative
or irrational beliefs. It is a "solutionsoriented"
form of talk therapy, and
rests on the idea that thoughts and
perceptions influence behavior.
CBT aims to identify harmful thoughts,
assess whether they are an accurate
depiction of reality, and, if they are
not, employ strategies to challenge and
overcome them. CBT was founded by
psychiatrist Aaron Beck in the 1960s,
following his disillusionment with
Freudian psychoanalysis.
CBT is a preferred modality of therapy
among practitioners and insurance
companies as it can be effective in a
brief period of time, generally 5 to 20
sessions, and can be delivered
effectively online, in addition to faceto-face
sessions.
COCONUTS
When you are stressed, the scent of
coconut may have an effect in blunting
the natural ‘fight or flight’ response by
slowing down the heart rate.
A small pilot study at Columbia
University found that people who
breathed in coconut fragrance, saw
their blood pressure recover more
quickly after a challenging task.
Researchers speculate that inhaling a
pleasant scent enhances alertness
while soothing our response to stress.
CHOCOLATE
Making The Invisible Visible
Chocolate contains theobromine, a
compound that exists naturally in a
variety of plants, most notably the
cacao bean. Theobromine generally
occurs in higher quantities in dark
chocolate than in milk chocolate due to
the cacao content being higher in a
dark chocolate.
Theobromine is said to have certain
health benefits such as
- It may help lowering blood pressure.
- It may improve “good” cholesterol.
- It improve blood flow.
- It may give an energy boost.
- It may improve cognitive function.
- It may result in a mood boost
As if anyone needs an excuse to eat
choclolate when they are in need of
cheering up......in moderation of
course!
DANCING
Dancing improves your heart health,
overall muscle strength, balance and
coordination. It also improves mood
and reduces depression. For those of
you who would never consider joining
a dance class, there arenow a wealth of
online alternatives available.
Just Dance
Available as an app, or as a game. Copy
the dance moves to popular tunes and
receive a score. Just Dance recently
celebrated its 10th anniversary.
www.ubisoft.com or app stores
DETOX
We all know that ditching the junk
food and eating healthily can have
postive effects on our health and a
social media detox can have a positive
effect on mental health. I write this
during the Covid-19 lockdown and
have, in recent weeks, become acutely
aware of how the constant reporting
on coronavirus, the level of
misinformation, and uncertainty has
created a climate of fear. Add to this
the increase of online aggression - all
of which have a negative impact on
wellbeing.Too many people end up
comparing themselves to others and
even if you aren’t aware of it, social
media brings out the competitive side
where each reaction and comment is a
measure of how popular a post is. All
of which can have a detrimental
impact on self-esteem, anxiety and
depression. Social media is also highly
addictive and by focusing energy on
what is happening online, it ironically
takes you away from what is
happening offline.
Seen On Screen
Founder Bonnie Parsons and her team
of dance trainers break down dance
moves and teach everything from how
to strut, hip roll and even flip your
hair. Her classes are available online.
www.seenonscreen.dance
Body Groove
Misty Tripoli is the founder of Body
Groove, a dance inspired fitness
programme that doesn't rely on
following complicated steps. It is
available to stream online.
www.bodygroove.com
Ballet Beautiful
Mary Helen Bowers, former ballerina
with the New York City Ballet has
created an online streaming platform
for ballet inspired exercises.
www.balletbeautiful.com
Making The Invisible Visible
EXERCISE
Exercise in almost any form can act as
a stress reliever. Being active can boost
your feel-good endorphins and distract
you from daily worries but I'm not
going to tell you all about the benefits
here, instead, here are some quotes to
inspire you:
" All truly great thoughts are
conceived while walking.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
“A bear, however hard he tries,
grows tubby without exercise.”
EMDR
Eye Movement Desensitization and
Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an
interactive psychotherapy technique
used to relieve psychological stress. It
can be an effective treatment for
trauma and post-traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD).
During EMDR therapy sessions, the
client relives a traumatic or triggering
experience in brief doses while the
therapist directs their eye movements.
EMDR is thought to be effective
because recalling distressing events is
often less emotionally upsetting when
attention is diverted elsewhere. This
allows the client to be exposed to the
memories or thoughts without having
a strong psychological response.
Over time, this technique is believed to
lessen the impact that the memories or
thoughts have on a traumatised
person.
A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
“An early-morning walk is a
blessing for the whole day.”
Henry David Thoreau
“If you are in a bad mood go for a
walk.If you are still in a bad
mood go for another walk.”
Hippocrates
“My grandmother started
walking five miles a day when she
was sixty. She's ninety-seven
now, and we don't know where
the heck she is.”
Ellen DeGeneres
" I like to move it, move it. I like
to MOVE IT."
Erick Morillo
Making The Invisible Visible
FRIENDSHIPS
Sometimes, we come to realise that the
friendships we have are no longer
healthy. It can be difficult to let go of
relationships we may have had for a
long time but when maintaining that
friendship takes a toll on your
wellbeing, it is time to evaluate.
Some signs to look out for:
1. You are constantly making more
effort in the friendship
2. The conversation is mostly about
them.
Franklin Method®
The Franklin Method® combines
creative visualisation, embodied
anatomy and physical and mental
exercises. It was founded by Eric
Franklin in 1994 and it is taught all
over the world, including the
Universities of Vienna, Cologne,
Karlsruhe and the Juilliard School in
New York
It starts with the knowledge that we all
have the power to change and teaches
how to move your body with maximum
efficiency, using coordinated
movements and dynamic alignment, to
keep your body youthful and
energized.
It uses the knowledge of neural
plasticity; that the lives we live shape
the brain we develop and teaches how
to use your brain to improve your
body’s function.
www.franklinmethod.com
3. They put you down or make fun of
you in front of others
4. You feel constantly drained after
spending time with them.
5. The friendship has become too
competitive.
6. They are not happy for you when
things go well.
7. The friendship is conditional.
8. Your friend constantly cancels at the
last minute. If this has been
consistent, throughout the friendship,
it shows unreliability. If this coincides
with a new relationship, make sure
they are not in an abusive relationship.
Cutting ties with family and friends
could be a sign of abuse.
9. They constantly make you feel
guilty.
10. They encourage criminal or risky
behaviour.
11. They exclude you from things with
mutual friends.
Making The Invisible Visible
GRATITUDE
For many trauma survivors fear gets in
the way of feeling gratitude and
thankfulness yet healing from trauma
can happen in multiple ways and a
gratitude practice can help the process.
Knowing what we are grateful for can
be something that we think in our
heads but don’t quite feel in our hearts
and although the positive effects of
gratitude may not happen
immediately, they increase over time
and with practice.
GARDENING
Gardening is good for your mental
health. Firstly, you are out in the fresh
air and sunshine, which improves
mood, it can also reduce anxiety and
depression as well as lower blood
pressure and improve fitness.
Gardening allows you to focus on an
activity in a mindful way that keeps
you in the present, without being
distracted by the past or what is
happening in the future.
GRAVITY BLANKET
Gravity blankets are therapeutic
weighted blankets designed to aid
insomnia by simulating a hug to gently
distribute pressure over your body. It
has been shown to produce a calming,
soothing effect that reduces stress,
alleviate restless leg syndrome and
promotes better sleep.
www.gravityblankets.co.uk
A simple way of practicing is to keep a
gratitude journal and, each day, record
something positive that happened. It
can be something as small as
appreciating a sunny day or an act of
kindness but, with practice, it will help
to develop a more positive outlook into
our lives.
Book: The Life-Changing Power of
Gratitude
Marc Reklau
GABALONG TEA
Gabalong is a type of Oolong tea that
has undergone a special fermentation
process, resulting in accumulated
GABA in the tea leaves.
GABA, or Gamma-Aminobutyric acid,
is an amino acid produced naturally in
the brain which reduces the activity of
neurons in the brain and central
nervous system, which can increase
relaxation and reduce stress.
GABA is found naturally in varieties of
green, black, and oolong tea, as well as
in fermented foods including kefir,
yogurt, and tempeh whilst valerian,
hops, magnesium, and L-theanine,
also have an effect on the brain’s
GABA activity.
Making The Invisible Visible
HIBERNATING
Humans cannot actually hibernate, but
in the coldest months of the year,
many of us are drawn to something
similar. We want to batten down the
hatches against the treacherous
weather outside, preserve our energies,
lay on fat. If only we could suspend the
demands of life, just until the sun
comes out again, all would be well. In
the meantime, we have Duvet Days.
HAPPINESS
HULA HOOPING
Apart from being a fun activity, hula
hooping can be a seriously effective
exercise. Adult sized weighted hoops
are inexpensive to buy and it's easy to
learn from online tutorials.
Some benefits of hula hooping:
1. Cardiovascular. It can burn as many
calories as a treadmill.
2. Tones abdominals, hips and back.
3. Improves blood flow to spine.
4. The rhythmic motion is like a
massage.
5. Improves breathing, focus and
concentration.
6. Alleviates anxiety and depression by
increasing endorphins
www.hooplovers.tv
www.hulafit.com
Do you wish you were happier?
According to Russ Harris, author of
The Happiness Trap, the way most of
us go about trying to find happiness
only ends up making us more
miserable and increasing our stress,
anxiety, and depression.
This book looks at how, by clarifying
our values and developing mindfulness
(a technique for living fully in the
present moment), we can learn to find
true satisfaction in life.
The techniques in the book are based
on ACT ( Acceptance and Commitment
Therapy) and practicing these will help
to :
(a) Reduce stress and worry;
(b) Handle painful feelings and
thoughts more effectively;
(c) Break self-defeating habits;
(d) Overcome insecurity and selfdoubt;
and
(e) Create a rich, full, and meaningful
life.
www.thehappinesstrap.com
Books:
The Happiness Trap
ACT Made Simple
both written by Russ Harris
Making The Invisible Visible
ISOLATION
Being alone is often equated with
loneliness. Research suggests that
social isolation and loneliness increase
the risk of heart disease, obesity,
anxiety, depression, Alzheimer's
disease, high blood pressure, and even
early death. But research is also
increasingly showing that there are
real benefits to finding things to do by
yourself.
Doing things by yourself allows you to
enjoy activities you love at your own
pace and in your own way. Through
solitary pursuits, you learn more about
yourself and reflect on your
experiences.
IKIGAI
Ikigai is a Japanese concept that
essentially means “a reason for being.”
It is made from two Japanese words:
iki, meaning “life” and kai, meaning
“effect.” so together it means a reason
for living. Ikigai is the reason why you
get up in the morning. To discover it,
you must first find what you are most
passionate about and you can then
find the medium through which you
can express that passion.
Ikigai is often associated with a Venn
diagram with four overlapping
qualities: what you love, what you are
good at, what the world needs, and
what you can be paid for. The ultimate
goal of Ikigai is not happiness but
fulfilment and practicing is defining
your purpose, and discovering your
full potential. The aim is to define what
you can best contribute to the world,
the things you’re good at and that give
you pleasure while doing.
Book: My Little Ikigai Amanda Kudo
While there is a wealth of research
pointing to the psychological
downsides of loneliness and social
isolation, there is an increasing
amount of evidence suggesting that a
certain amount of quality time alone is
critical to well-being.
Some things, this research suggests,
are just better off being done by
yourself without the distractions,
opinions, or influences of other people.
Even though people sometimes fear
seclusion, research has shown than
many people actually seek and prefer
solitude.
Even if you naturally seek the company
of a crowd, you can learn how to enjoy
a little time to yourself now and then.
It is important to remember that being
alone and loneliness are two very
different things. Loneliness involves
being isolated despite wanting social
connections, whereas being alone
means taking time for yourself
between regular social interactions.
Making The Invisible Visible
JOURNALING
If you struggle with stress, depression,
or anxiety, keeping a journal is a great
way to help gain control of your
emotions and improve your mental
health by writing down your thoughts
and feelings to understand them more
clearly. There is also increasing
evidence to support journaling as
having a positive impact on physical
well-being.
Some of the benefits include clarifying
any thoughts and feelings. By writing
them down, you will get to understand
yourself better, as well as become
clearer about what it is you want to
say, what makes you happy, what
causes discord.
You will also become clear about what
makes you angry or sad and situations
and people who have a detrimental
impact on your mental health. By
writing about painful emotions, you
are able to release the intensity of
these feelings and feel calmer as a
result.
JOGGING
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As well as the fitness benefits of
jogging or running, there are many
psychological benefits. Some of these
include increased mental flexibility,
confidence, stress relief,and improved
mood.
Because jogging is an aerobic
cardiovascular exercise, it sends
oxygenated blood to the brain, which
can help you think more clearly. It also
releases your natural mood-elevating
compounds.
Exercise is one of the key factors
associated with the growth of new
neurons in the brain, a process known
as neurogenesis and running builds
confidence and determination and
better self-esteem.
Going for a jog might improve your
mood in the short-term by helping get
your mind off your troubles, but it can
also lead to longer-lasting stress relief
benefits.
Research suggests that sticking to a
running regimen in times of stress
leads to greater resilience, meaning
you are better able to handle the
challenges life throws at you.
Experiencing that “runner’s high”
triggers feel-good emotions that can
boost your mood and reduce stress.
Researchers believe that these positive
feelings happen because running
triggers the release of endorphins.
There are a number of running apps
that can help start up and motivate:
Couch to 5k
Map My Run
DRT (Dynamic Running Therapy) - a
combination of running, mindfulness
and talk therapy.
KARAOKE
According to research conducted at the
University of Frankfurt, singing boosts
the immune system. The study
included testing professional choir
members’ blood before and after an
hour-long rehearsal singing Mozart’s
“Requiem”. The researchers noticed
that in most cases, the amount of
proteins in the immune system that
function as antibodies, known as
Immunoglobulin A, were significantly
higher immediately after the rehearsal.
The same increases were not observed
after the choir members passively
listened to music.
KINTSUGI
Kintsugi is the Japanese art of
repairing broken pottery by mending
the breakage with lacquer dusted or
mixed with powdered gold, silver, or
platinum.
It teaches that broken objects are not
something to hide but to display with
pride. When a bowl, teapot or vase
breaks, instead of throwing it away,
Kintsugi enhances the breaks giving it
a new lease of life and valuing it even
more because of its 'scars'.
Kintsugi can also be seen as a
metaphor for life as people often talk
about feeling “broken” after enduring
heartbreak, grief and trauma. It can be
the process of healing wounds and
rebuilding lives while acknowledging
that our scars make us strong and
interesting people.
Kintsugi: The Japanese Art of
Embracing the Imperfect and Loving
Your Flaws Tomas Navarro
Singing is a lung workout resulting in a
stronger diaphragm with better
breathing and posture. It also releases
endorphins, the feel-good brain
chemical that makes you feel uplifted
and happy. In addition, scientists have
identified a tiny organ in the ear called
the sacculus, which responds to the
frequencies created by singing. The
response creates an immediate sense
of pleasure, regardless of what the
singing sounds like. Not only that, but
singing can simply take your mind off
the day’s troubles to boost your mood.
Singing releases stored muscle tension
and decreases the levels of a stress
hormone called cortisol in your blood
stream. Singing improves mental
alertness Improved blood circulation
and an oxygenated blood stream allow
more oxygen to reach the brain. This
improves mental alertness,
concentration, and memory.
The Alzheimer’s Society has even
established a “Singing for the Brain”
service to help people with dementia
and Alzheimer’s maintain their
memories.
Making The Invisible Visible
LISTENING
Learning how to listen better can have
many benefits. Being an effective
listener can help to resolve conflicts,
build trust, and inspire people.
If you are part of a team, it is especially
important for leadership and
to strengthen teams. By spend most of
your conversations listening , you will
be able to absorb the information as it
is given to you so that you collect all of
the facts instead making assumptions
which will put you in a better position
to make well-informed decisions.
LAUGHTER
One of the best feelings in the world is
the deep-rooted belly laugh. It can
bring people together and establish
amazing connections.
Everything from a slight giggle to a
side-splitting guffaw can change the
temperature of a room from chilly
unfamiliarity to a warm family-like
atmosphere.
Here are some other benefits of
laughing:
1. lowers blood pressure
2. reduces stress hormone levels
3. works the abdominals
4. improves cardiac health
5. boosts T cells for immunity
6. releases endorphins
Read: How to Be Miserable: 40
Strategies You Already Use
Randy J Paterson
When you stop worrying about what
you’re going to say and focus on what’s
being said, you will put more thought
into what you want to communicate.By
listening, you will be able to uncover
undelying issues and be able to
identify what is really being said.
Being an effective listener also means
not being distracted and allowing
yourself to zone out, just to focus on
the bits and pieces of what they’re
saying.
People feel valued when they are being
listened to and this promotes feelings
of trust and respect and better
cooperation as active listeners have
greater powers of persuasion because
they encourage mutual feelings
of respect.
How do emotional reactions get in the
way of real communication? Therapist
Mike Nichols provides easy-to-learn
techniques, and practical exercises for
becoming a better listener--and
making yourself heard and
understood, even in difficult
situations.
Read: The Lost Art of Listening
Michael P Norris
Making The Invisible Visible
MUSIC
Studies show that listening to music
can benefit overall well-being, help
regulate emotions, and create
happiness and relaxation in everyday
life. Listening to ‘relaxing’ music has
been shown to reduce stress and
anxiety in healthy people and in people
undergoing medical procedures.
Music also lessens anxiety. In studies
of people with cancer, listening to
music combined with standard care
reduced anxiety compared to those
who received standard care alone.
MINDFULNESS
Mindfulness is about being fully
present, aware of where we are and
what we are doing. It means paying
attention to the present moment as the
present is the only real moment we
have. The past has already gone and
the future is yet to happen so
mindfulness focuses on the present,
being here, in the now.
Paying more attention to the present
moment – to your own thoughts and
feelings, and to the world around you
has been shown to improve mental
wellbeing by helping us to enjoy the
world around us more and understand
ourselves better, as it allows us to
become more aware of the stream of
thoughts and feelings that we
experience.
Read: The Power of Now Eckhart Tolle
Studies suggest that music can
enhance aerobic exercise, boost mental
and physical stimulation, and increase
overall performance.
Research has shown that the repetitive
elements of rhythm and melody help
our brains form patterns that enhance
memory. In a study of stroke survivors,
listening to music helped them
experience more verbal memory, less
confusion, and better focused
attention.
In studies of patients recovering from
surgery, those who listened to music
before, during, or after surgery had
less pain than patients who did not
listen to music as part of their care.
Listening to music can also help people
with Alzheimer’s recall seemingly lost
memories and even help maintain
some mental abilities.
MOOD
Mind Over Mood: Change How You
Feel by Changing the Way You Think
www.mindovermood.com
Making The Invisible Visible
NUTRITION
According to Dr. Maxine Barish
-Wreden, an integrative physician, a
healthy diet can be more effective for
treating depression than prescription
medications. Studies have shown a
reduction in depression of 40 to 60
percent when people eat the right
foods.
The vagus nerve transfers messages to
and from the guts and brain and while
the gut is able to influence emotional
behavior in the brain, the brain can
also alter the type of bacteria living in
the gut. Gut bacteria produces
neurochemicals used by the brain for
the regulation of physiological and
mental processes, including mood. It’s
believed 95 percent of the body's
supply of serotonin, a mood stabilizer,
is produced by gut bacteria.
Stress is thought to suppress beneficial
gut bacteria which can lead to
depression, when the gut is inflamed
by processed foods such as sugar and
flours.
To remedy this, reduce flour and sugar
adding fresh fruits, fibre, fish and
fermented foods to create a new
microbiome of healthy bacteria to help
your gut bacteria thrive.
Read: The Happy Kitchen: Good Mood
Food Rachel Kelly
NATURE
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The idea that spending time in nature
can make you feel better is intuitive.
We all feel better having spent some
time in the garden or taken to the
mountains or woods to heal.
Researchers are amassing a body of
evidence, proving what we all know to
be true: nature is good for us and has
both long and short term mental and
physical health benefits.
NORDIC WALKING
Nordic Walking has been around since
competitive cross country skiers in
1930's Finland started using poles in
their off season training when there
was no snow. They discovered this
technique kept their heart and lungs in
top condition and ensured upper and
lower body muscles remained in top
shape. Nordic Walking uses poles in
order to add two major benefits to
walking - using poles means the upper
body muscles are used as well as the
legs. The poles help to propel the
walker along so they have to work
harder than usual yet the support
given by the poles makes it feel easier.
The poles are not planted in front of
the walker but in a specific way that
increases the use of the upper body.
It can be done by anybody, anywhere
and does not require expensive
equipment or clothing.
www.nordicwalking.co.uk
OASIS
Although the literal meaning of oasis is
"a green spot in the desert," it can also
be used to describe a peaceful area in
our everyday lives, whether this is a
location, or an imagined place.
ONESELF
“He who lives in harmony with himself
lives in harmony with the world.”
~Marcus Aurelius
Know your ideal self. Make a list of all
your positive qualities, or the ones you
would like to cultivate:
ONLINE THERAPY
As a result of the coronavirus, online
therapy is rapidly taking over
traditional therapy as a place for
support. Online sessions are
convenient- you can send your
therapist a message from anywhere, at
any time — and cost effective as there
is no commute, so no travel expenses.
The therapy can be interactive and face
to face - via Skype, Zoom and other
video platforms, or live chat with
either a real person or an automated
bot at the other side. It can also be
through email or text. All you need is
web access or mobile. The most
attractive part, for me at least, is that
you don't have to go out into the world,
when you've bared your soul and all
you want to do is retreat to your duvet.
www.talkspace.com
www.e-therapy.uk
www.teencounselling.com
www.qwell.io www.regain.com
www.7cups.com www.betterhelp.
Will you be kinder, fairer, more
tolerant, more magnanimous, more
patient, more dignified?
How do you respond to difficult
situations?
Which principles do you wish to
uphold?
It may be difficult, to act with integrity
all the time and you may find yourself
behaving in a less than ideal way. In
order to build up a habit of sticking to
your principles, just practice doing the
“next right thing” all the time. It is ok
to make mistakes, we are all human
but it is important to learn from them,
if you value your principles.
Are you a positive or a negative
person?
Negativity thinking has an effect on a
peaceful mind if you allow that
negativity to dominate your thinking.
Radiate compassion and be a good
Samaritan. Not only will others
benefit; you’ll also add to your own
sense of self-esteem.
Making The Invisible Visible
A number of studies point out that
negativity may lead to poor health. In
one study of nuns over their lifespan,
novices were evaluated regarding how
they saw the glass half full or empty.
The result was that the ‘half empty
individuals’ lived ten years shorter
than their counterparts. There are
many ways to be more positive in your
life, even when you’re experiencing
sadness, anger, or challenges. In his
book, Born to be Good, Dacher Keltner
writes: ‘Positive thoughts are a
biological mandate for health.’
Book: Born to Be Good: The Science
of a Meaningful Life by Dacher Keltner
POSTURE
Good posture keeps bones and joints
in the correct alignment so that
muscles are being used properly. It
also helps decrease the abnormal
wearing of joint surfaces, decreases the
stress on the ligaments holding the
joints of the spine together and
prevents the spine from becoming
fixed in abnormal positions. Because
muscles are being used properly, less
energy is used so there is less fatigue.
Good posture also prevents backache
and muscular pain and contributes to a
good appearance which is also good for
confidence and self esteem.
POSITIVITY
“Watch your thoughts; they become
words. Watch your words; they
become actions. Watch your actions;
they become habit. Watch your habits;
they become character. Watch your
character; it becomes your destiny.” ―
Lao Tzu
PILATES
The Pilates Method was created by the
late Joseph Pilates whilst interned
during WW1 because of his German
nationality. He developed a fitness
regime for his fellow internees, in
order to maintain their health and
fitness levels whilst being held in
confinement. Pilates later set up his
first fitness studio in New York, at an
address he shared with the New York
City Ballet and he soon began to
attract leading ballet dancers because
his exercises perfected and
complemented their traditional
exercise programme. Actors and
actresses, and sportspersons were all
attracted to a workout that built
strength without adding bulk,
balancing that strength with flexibility,
and achieving the perfect harmony
between mind and muscle.
For online pilates classes go to:
www.bodycontrolpilatescentral.vhx.tv
Use code KEEPMOVING to enjoy a
25% discount for first 3 months after
the initial free 7 day trial.
Making The Invisible Visible
Being more positive means making a
conscious decision to change our
thinking and accept that life will bring
difficulty and negative moments. To
see the glass as half full and not as half
empty, even when life throws us
challenges. Here are some ways of
developing a more positive outlook:
1. Accept challenge as a natural part of
life that we learn to navigate.
2. Cultivate self-reliance. An attitude of
entitlement sets us up for unrealistic
expectations that others should cater
to our needs and wants, but being able
to depend upon ourselves to get our
needs met will make us happier and
more fulfilled.
QWELL
Qwell is an online counselling and
emotional well-being platform
accessible through mobile, tablet and
desktop and free at the point of need.
www.qwell.io
QUALITY OF LIFE
Our quality of life is greatly affected by
how much negativity there is in it.
Whether it is spending time with
negative people, being stuck in a
negative situation or our own negative
attitude, these can all sap our energy
and significantly impact our lives.
To experience negative times is normal
but to constantly have negative energy
pervade our lives can limit our
potential and keeps us from living a
purposeful, hopeful and fulfilling life.
Those of us with a negative outlook on
life also have greater amounts of
stress, increase in health problems and
less opportunity because of inability to
see past the negativity to opportunity.
3. See life as full of opportunity instead
of in terms of lack. Learning to
appreciate all we do have. People who
are grateful are able to see the good
instead of complaining and living in a
constant state of suffering.
4. Choose not to sweat the small stuff.
5. Have a purpose. Happiness is the
by-product of achievement and
inspiration. It keeps us motivated and
active in our lives.
6. Choose good company. Emotions
are contagious and for that reason we
become the most like the people we
spend our time with. If our friends
and/or family groups are full of
emotional-vampires we will
unconsciously become like them or
become drained by them.
7. Take responsibility for our thoughts
and attitude. If we consistently believe
bad things happen to us we inhibit our
potential.
Making The Invisible Visible
RESTORATIVE YOGA
Often overshadowed by more dynamic
styles of yoga, restoratice yoga offers a
more a more healing and recuperative
experience that offers many benefits to
anyone with anxiety or affected by
trauma. Some of the benefits are:
1. It consists of fewer poses that are
held for longer - anywhere between 5 -
20 minutes per pose, using props to
support the body giving you the
benefits of deep, passive stretching
and a respite from the frenetic pace of
life.
RECOVERY COLLEGE
Recovery Colleges offer educational
courses about mental health and
recovery which are designed to
increase students' knowledge and skills
and to help them feel more confident
in self-management of their own
mental health and well-being. For a
person, with lived experience of
mental ill health, this may help to take
control and become an expert in their
own well-being and recovery and move
on with their life despite mental health
challenges. This will hopefully help to
achieve or work towards whatever is
meaningful in their lives. Recovery
College can be used alongside or as an
alternative to mental health services,
or to help move out of mainstream
services. Students choose their own
courses to work out ways of making
sense of what has happened and
become experts in managing their own
lives. There are a number of Recovery
Colleges running across the country.
Contact your local wellbeing service to
see if there is one in your area.
2. The slower pace and deep breathing
activates the parasympathetic nervous
system, reduces cortisol and slows
down the effects of the fight-or-flight
stress response.
3. The prolonged poses allow the
opportunity to create the conditions
needed to cultivate the skill of
conscious relaxation, to release
unnecessary habitual tension in the
body and mind.
4. The nature of restorative yoga
promotes mindfulness.
5. Restorative yoga boosts the immune
system by encouraging relaxation and
regulating the body's inflammatory
response to help you heal faster and
some poses can relieve sinus pressure,
increase circulation, and help with
breathing more efficiently.
Try restorative yoga at home:
www.gaia.com - 7 days free
www.movementformodernlife.com -
14 days free
www.yoga international.com- 14 days
free
Making The Invisible Visible
SLEEP DISTURBANCES
Stress and anxiety can cause sleeping
problems or make existing problems
worse. Dr Guy Meadows is a sleep
physiologist who is a cofounder of The
Sleep School and author of The Sleep
Book which uses a blend of
mindfulness and ACT therapy
techniques, in a five-week plan to
improve sleep problems.
There is also an app, the Sleep School
for Insomnia app which contains a
5-step approach to retrain the brain to
build a new regular sleeping pattern.
SELF CARE
Self-care is the key to living a balanced
life and is any activity that we do, in
order to take care of our mental,
emotional, and physical health.
Although the concept is simple, in
theory, it is something that is often
overlooked.
Self-care should be something we
enjoy doing and not be a chore we
force ourselves to do, or it defeats the
object. It is something that replenishes
rather than depletes from us and is not
only about considering our needs; it is
about knowing what we need to do in
order to take care of ourselves in order
to be able to take care of others.
Rather than something that just
happens, plan your self- care. Add it to
your calendar. It can be as simple as
making sure you book in those missed
medical appointments or a haircut, to
making time for a long walk, meeting
friends, visiting the cinema or trying a
new hobby.
www.thesleepschool.org
The Sleep Book by Dr Guy Meadows
SELF ESTEEM
Recognise what you're good at.
Make a list. We tend to focus on what
we can't do, instead of everything we
can do.
Focus on positive relationships.
If certain people bring you down or
make you feel bad, spend less time
with them. It is important for your self
esteem to build relationships with
people who are positive and who
appreciate you.
Be kind to yourself
We can all be our worst critic. Think of
what you'd say to a friend in a similar
situation. We tend to give far better
advice to others than to ourselves.
Be assertive
Being assertive is about respecting
other people's opinions and needs, and
expecting the same from them. One
way of doing this is to start saying "no"
to things youknow you will resent.
Making The Invisible Visible
TRIGGERS
Emotional triggers are how you react
to someone else’s behaviors or
comments. When triggered, you may
either withdraw emotionally and
simply feel hurt or become angry and
respond in an aggressive way. The
reason your reaction is so intense is
because you are defending against a
painful feeling that has surfaced. Being
triggered is exhausting and painful but
being aware of what the triggers are
can go a long way towards mitigating
the emotional pain.
1. Identify your top three emotional
triggers.
TRAUMA STEWARDSHIP
Laura van Dernoot Lipsky is the
founder and director of The Trauma
Stewardship Institute and author of
Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday
Guide to Caring for Self While Caring
for Others and The Age of Overwhelm.
She is widely recognized as a pioneer
in the field of trauma exposure.
The book Trauma Stewardship is
written for anyone who is exposed to
hardship, pain, crisis and trauma. It is
for those who notice that they are not
the same people they once were, or are
being told by their families, friends,
colleagues, that something is different
about them. It is a navigational tool for
remembering that we have options at
every step of our lives. We can make a
difference without suffering; we can do
meaningful work in a way that works
for us and for those we serve.
www.traumastewardship.com
What causes you to be most upset and
thrown off balance. Is it when
someone criticizes your weight or
appearance? Your achievements? Do
you feel undeserving of a healthy
relationship?
2. Find the trigger’s origin.
Knowing where your triggers come
from allows you to know yourself
better.
3. Substitute negative beliefs.
Start with one trigger that has the least
emotional charge and tell yourself that
this is not the reality. Substitute the
negative belief with a positive, more
realistic one.
4. Pave the way for more positivity.
It takes time and practice to change
your way of thinking and for it to sink
in and become real.
5. Working with a therapist or coach
can help in identifying and managing
triggers.
Making The Invisible Visible
UNFOLLOW
There will be times when those you
connect with on social media either no
longer inspire or engage you or can
make you feel deflated - even angry. If
you find that you are becoming
increasingly negatively affected by
someone's posts, it could be time to
unfollow. It's not necessary to inform
someone you have unfollowed, this
isn't about attaining the moral high
ground, it is about how anger and
negativity can impact your wellbeing.
If the account questions your decision,
be honest, let them know the posts are
having a negative impact on your
wellbeing. Good reasons to unfollow
include accounts that:
UNFAIRNESS
Life is inherently unfair and for anyone
who has suffered injustice, especially
when others seem to have it so easy, it
can be an extremely bitter pill to
swallow. For anyone who has
experienced abuse, dicrimination or
loss, it is natural to want someone held
to account but all too often abusers
will refuse to admit culpability and
when accountability is either not
forthcoming or there is denial, there
may be a desire to seek repercussions
for what was done - even wanting
revenge but ultimately, none of that
makes the pain go away. It feeds the
anger, keeping the pain alive for
longer. To quote John Milton " He that
studieth revenge keepeth his own
wounds green, which otherwise would
heal and do well". Some people react
more to injustice and are more
invested in seeking revenge whilst
others are able to move on with their
lives. When we are caught up in a cycle
of vengeance, it is time to seek help to
manage our emotions.
- Are too narcissistic and constantly
post selfies, photos of what they have
and who they know that make you feel
inadequate.They are looking for the
validation you don't need to give.
- Only promote their own content or
products. Unless it's an influencer
account or you value the content.
- Deliberately pick fights. This isn't
about informed debate but someone
spoiling for a fight. If following is
becoming a chore due to hostility or
negativity either from their posts or
comments and conversations they
encourage, it's time to unfollow.
- Deliberately encourage divisiveness,
taunting, provocation and hate.
- Abuses hashtags. If the list of
hashtags is much longer than the
actual post.....
- Constantly asks you to retweet their
posts.
- Constantly makes you feel angry.
Making The Invisible Visible
VALIDATION
“You have been criticizing yourself for
years, and it hasn’t worked. Try
approving of yourself and see what
happens.” ~Louise L. Hay
It is common to seek validation from
others, to confirm we did not do
anything wrong and are not a bad
person but that should not be our only
way of affirming ourselves, we also
need to be able to validate, support,
and help ourselves.
VALUES
Life presents an endless series of
decisions, that require difficult choices
and while many factors are involved,
your core values are critical to deciding
them. These values define the kind of
person you are, or want to be, and
provide guidelines, or even
imperatives, for your actions.
But how do you know what the
principles that give our lives meaning
and allow us to persevere through
adversity, are? Some examples of what
core values can be about include:
financial security, health and fitness,
accomplishment, compassion, love,
creativity, dependability, work, calm,
beauty, gratitude, leadership, learning,
survival, security, self preservation
family, success, bravery or freedom.
Russ Harris , author of The Happiness
Trap has a You Tube video which looks
at a values focused life:
https://youtu.be/T-lRbuy4XtA
We can do this by taking an honest
look at ourselves and acknowledging
both our strengths and areas where we
are less so, using praise instead of
shame. If something did not work out,
at least we tried and can try again.
Read: How To Raise Your Self-Esteem
Nathaniel Branden
VENTING
Venting can feel good but research
shows that venting can perpetuate
anger issues by reinforcing negative
responses to situations. When we
enlist others in our rants, it reinforces
the anger even more resulting in a
lesser likelihood of resolution. We are
very good at making snap judgments
and condemning others on a moment's
notice. Instead of venting, practice not
jumping to conclusions and, instead,
practice staying with the emotion,
without labeling and judging to allow a
more informed reaction and next time
you find yourself venting, pay
attention to how many times you
repeat the same information. When
we're worked up we repeat ourselves
for emphasis. Setting limits will force
us to keep it brief, sort out our
thoughts, and then focus on to a
solution.
Making The Invisible Visible
WALLOW
Sadness doesn’t worsen or last longer
if you give it your full attention.
Often, the fastest way out of emotional
pain is through it, as ignoring bad
feelings can make them worse in the
long run.
Pretending everything is ok can
undermine self-acceptance as you are
effectively telling yourself that your
feelings are inappropriate or
unimportant but allowing yourself to
have these feelings is self-acceptance
in action.
WABI SABI
wabi sabi is centered on the acceptance
of transience and imperfection. The
aesthetic is sometimes described as
one of beauty that is "imperfect,
impermanent, and incomplete".
It helps us to see the beauty in
imperfection, appreciate simplicity and
accept the transient nature of all
things.
From reframing failure to ageing with
grace, the wabi sabi philosophy can
teach that joy and inspiration can
come out of an imperfect life.
For survivors of abuse who have been
made to feel worthless, or trauma
survivors who feel their experiences
have irrevocably damaged them, this
philosophy of seeing the beauty in
damage is affirmative.
Letting yourself wallow means that you
also learn to feel more comfortable
around other people’s despair.
WALKING
Psychologists have found that a
10-minute walk may be just as good as
a 45-minute workout when it comes to
relieving the symptoms of anxiety.
Walking can also be used as a
mindfulness exercise to manage or
offset a panic attack, as well as
improve balance.
Here is a walking exercise that can be
helpful for alleviating anxiety and
panic:
Imagine you are walking on a
tightrope. Place one foot directly in
front of the other. Do this looking
straight ahead and- either with arms
outstretched, or holding a pole, like a
broom handle or a dowelling rod.
For a more challenging exercise,
imagine walking the tightrope
backwards, toes touching heels.
Making The Invisible Visible
Because sighing involves taking such a
big breath, it can work to reinflate
most of the alveoli. When we are
stressed, the breath is quickened. This
rapid breathing, or hyperventilation,
which can make us feel breathless, can
be accompanied by an increase in
sighing. According to research,
excessive sighing can also play a role in
some anxiety disorders, including
panic disorder, post-traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD), as well as phobias
but it is unclear whether excessive
sighing contributes to these disorders
or is a symptom of them.
XHALE (or sighing)
We sigh when we are frustrated,
worried and when we are relieved. A
sigh tells others about our current
mood and is used in drama to convey
mood. On average, humans produce
about 12 spontaneous sighs in 1 hour.
That means we sigh about once every 5
minutes. These sighs are generated in
the brainstem by about 200 nerve
cells. If, on the other hand, we sigh
more than what is considered normal,
that can indicate an underlying
problem like uncontrolled anxiety,
depression or a respiratory condition
Research reveals that sighing is much
more than a sign of frustration or
sadness, it helps preserve lung
function. When we are breathing
normally, the small air sacs in the
lungs, the alveoli, can sometimes
collapse spontaneously. This can
negatively affect lung function and
reduce the gaseous exchange that
occurs there. Sighing helps in
preventing this.
A 2008 study investigated whether
persistent sighing was associated with
a physical health condition and whilst
no association was identified, it is
interesting to note that researchers
found that 32 .5 % of participants had
previously experienced a traumatic
event, while 25 % had an anxiety
disorder or other mental disorder.
The researchers found that all
participants reported a greater sense of
relief after they were instructed to take
a deep breath, indicating that
controlled, deep breathing could play a
role in reducing stress after an anxietyprovoking
event.
Participants with a high propensity
towards anxiety showed a significant
decrease in muscle tension after a
spontaneous sigh, whereas
participants with a low propensity
towards anxiety showed a significant
decrease in muscle tension after
spontaneously holding their
breath. However, neither was
associated with a greater sense of
psychological relief. The results
suggest that sighing could have
important implications for how we
understand the role of breathing in
anxiety disorders.
Making The Invisible Visible
This style is really great for people with
injuries who need to work slowly and
methodically.
Kundalini yoga
Kundalini yoga practice is equal parts
spiritual and physical. This style is all
about releasing the kundalini energy in
your body said to be trapped, or coiled,
in the lower spine. These classes are
pretty intense and can involve
chanting, mantra, and meditation.
Ashtanga yoga
YOGA
Yoga is an ancient form of exercise that
focuses on strength, flexibility and
breathing through a series of postures.
Yoga originated in India about 5,000,
with many different styles:
Hatha yoga
Hatha yoga classes are best for
beginners since they are usually paced
slower than other yoga styles. Hatha
classes today are a classic approach to
breathing and exercises.
Iyengar yoga
Iyengar yoga focuses on alignment as
well as detailed and precise
movements. In an Iyengar class,
students perform a variety of postures
while controlling the breath and poses
are held for a long time while adjusting
the minutiae of the pose. Iyengar relies
heavily on props to help students
perfect their form and go deeper into
poses in a safe manner.
Ashtanga yoga involves a very
physically demanding sequence of
postures, so this style of yoga is not for
a beginner.
Vinyasa yoga
Vinyasa is the most athletic yoga style.
Vinyasa was adapted from ashtanga
yoga in the 1980s. Many types of yoga
can also be considered vinyasa flows
such as ashtanga, power yoga, and
prana. In vinyasa classes, the
movement is coordinated with your
breath and movement to flow from one
pose to another.
Restorative yoga
Restorative yoga focuses on winding
down after a long day and relaxing
your mind. At its core, this style
focuses on body relaxation. Restorative
yoga also helps to cleanse and free
your mind. Many of the poses are
modified to be easier and more
relaxing. There are fewer poses that
are held for longer to facilitate a
deeper stretch and props such as
blankets, bolsters, and eye pillows are
used to help you sink deeper into
relaxation.
Making The Invisible Visible
Practicing Yoga from Home:
Yoga International
Stream hundreds of expertly led yoga
& meditation classes on any device.
Free trial.
www.yogainternational.com
Down Dog Yoga
Down Dog Yoga is part of a series of
exercise apps which includes HIIT,
Barre, and 7 Minute Workout
Because of Covid-19, all apps are
completely free until May 1st.
www.downdogapp.com
Making The Invisible Visible
ZEN
Zen simply means slowing down.
Anytime you need to:
Close your eyes. It’s simple, really:
Anytime you want, you can stop and
pull the blinds shut, turning your gaze
inward.
Take deep breaths. Pull a big inhale
in through your nose, filling up your
belly from the bottom of you all the
way up to the top of you. Hold, then
exhale the breath out your nose from
top to bottom. This mindful breathing
increases your focus, slows your heart
rate and contributes to a feeling of
balance and grounding.
Choose Zen. “Think. Say. Do.” Every
action is first a thought. Every thought
has an intention. Set a clear and
positive intention to “find Zen” in your
everyday life. Think it, say it, and do
it.
Read: Zen: The Art of Simple Living
Shunmyo Masuno
ZEAL
Losing zeal can be scary. Along with
losing your enthusiasm for life or the
dreams you once had, can come a loss of
confidence. When that happens, what can
you do to regain the passion you once
had?
1. Doubting Your Abilities. Don’t get stuck
in the comparison trap. If you compare
yourself to other people all too often, to
their successes and especially to their
high-light reels that they share on social
media then self-doubt can quickly creep
up. compare yourself to yourself.
2. Are you putting too much pressure on
yourself ? Ask yourself the following: Why
did I start it? What motivates me? What
keeps me coming back to it?
3. Did you get what you came for? Is it
time you let it go?
Get it back:
Making The Invisible Visible
1. Take a break now. include distancing
yourself from things that hurt. Keeping
away, I protect my own sanity and I'm
spending time exploring other things I
previously wouldn't have. Let your body
rest. Recharge and refuel.
2. Give yourself a deadline to evaluate.
Take an honest look and ask if anything
has changed for the better. Recognise the
truth
Look towards people who inspire you to
see if that fires up your enthusiasm.
See a setback as temporary. When you
have a setback then you may start to see
things through a negative and dark lens.
You might see this current setback as
something that will simply be your new
normal. This way of looking at things can
trap you in thinking that there's no point
in continuing to take action.
CCChat Opinion Piece
Alison Bird on Trauma
Alison Bird is the
Interim Services
Director and Clinical
Stalking Lead for
Changing Pathways,
an Essex-based charity
that supports both
domestic abuse &
stalking survivors and
their children. Alison
has been working in
the field and
nationally for over a
decade with survivors
from the general
public to high profile
persons. Alison has sat
at Parliamentary level
discussions on the DA
Bill and also for
Stalking Protection
Orders. Additionally
Alison is a DHR Chair
& a national trainer/
speaker on the
following subjects: •
Stalking • DASH 2009
• Domestic abuse •
Coercive control •
Victim Advocacy for
professionals.
To contact Alison:
welcome@changingpa
thways.org for any
training or other
enquiries and look at
SDAST.co.uk for more
information.
W
orking
with people who are suffering
and have suffered trauma in many
different ways can be challenging and
yet really rewarding.
One of my really strong feelings is that society likes to
label survivors of domestic abuse, stalking & rape with
ADHD, ADD, EUPD and many other acronymns that
frankly mask the underlying issue which is trauma.
So how did someone without a PHD who is not a Dr,
Psychologist or Psychiatrist come to conclude this?
Having worked with over 1000 clients within a
domestic abuse and stalking setting – both adults &
children. It is impossible not to notice themes.
If I had a £100 for each time I spoke with a domestic
abuse/stalking survivor who advised me they have
children and then went on to say “who have been
diagnosed with ADD, ADHD,” in some cases Autism or
that they are waiting for a diagnosis – well then I
would be a wealthy woman by some people’s
standards! So this cannot be coincidence.
Having spent time working at Family Solutions, Essex
(taking the DA/Stalking cases) & alongside our
amazing children’s counsellors at Changing Pathways
the pieces of the jigsaw come together and each time
the answer is TRAUMA.
Of course there are examples of children without this
background of trauma where they have Autism, ADHD
etc so I don’t want to take away from that.
Making The Invisible Visible
out there who agree with this theory
and are also better equipped to back
up the theory with their psychology &
psychiatry degrees and specialisms.
The area of trauma is one that really
intrigues me and I think that we need
to look more closely at the labels for
children adults and assess if they are
righy and what else can be done.
Dr Daniel Siegul – Window of
Tolerance
What I do suggest is understanding
the underlying issues in each case and
treating them accordingly and not
ignore abuse & trauma.
Again this issue manifests itself with
the adult victims/survivors of DA &
stalking. Many of them will say that
they have been diagnosed with EUPD
or a similar acronym and that it’s a
personality disorder and may be told it
is untreatable. Some will tell us they
were diagnosed as children and carry
the label around for years without any
more recent Psychiatrist, Psychologist
or counsellor seeing them and
wondering if perhaps that label is still
accurate and ask is it correct? This is
where professional curiosity must can
in and professionals can ask is this
label still applicable? Has it altered?
Have we treated the route cause? Does
the client have the right tools to help
herself or himself?
As a speaker and trainer on DA/
Stalking the labels & trauma come up a
lot and I know there are others
So what actually happens to our
domestic abuse and stalking victims
whilst they are in a dangerous
situation or even in a situation that for
them replicates and stimulates the
same responses as danger? One of the
best and simplified explanations of a
trauma response can be found in
Daniel Siegul’s work.
Daniel Siegul talks about “the window
on tolerance”. In layman’s terms if you
are within the window of tolerance
(not overwhelmed by anything and in
your comfort zone) your brain will
function “normally” and you are able
to make rational decisions.
When you are out of your window of
tolerance this becomes impossible and
your rational thinking part of the brain
stops functioning. Again in simple
terms – a frightening event will trigger
our alarm centre in the brain (called
the Amygdala); you could call it your
internal burglar alarm. Once that is
triggered your brain either goes into
FIGHT or FLIGHT mode (hyperarousal)
or it FREEZES (hypoarousal).
Daniel Siegul also states “if you name
it you can tame it”.
Making The Invisible Visible
So if more people know about this
simple way of understanding how our
brains functions and reacts to trauma
we are then more able to create a
toolkit to help when someone becomes
overwhelmed. So if you take a
developing brain, that is not fully
formed, such as a child’s brain and
then put the child into a repeatedly
traumatic situation eg, domestic abuse,
stalking – is it any wonder that their
brains are not going to form in the
same way a child, without this ongoing
trauma will be able to thrive.
The latest thinking is that brains are
not fully formed until you are 20 years
old. However, the first 24 months of a
child’s life are critical regarding
attachment & attunement. As are the
first 8 years critical. Trauma will
dysregulate the following: areas of
language, mobility, physical and social
skills and managing emotions. The
amygdala regulates emotions so if it is
triggered constantly emotions will
become dysregulated.
Danielle Crockett (USA)
The extreme and tragic USA case of
Danielle Crockett – who was locked in
a confined space for almost the first 7
years of her life delineate the impact
on a child when there is abuse, neglect,
no parental interaction, trauma etc.
Danielle was discovered by a Detective
Holste in Tampe Bay Florida whilst
responding to a Child Abuse claim in
July 2005. When the Detective arrived
at the house and saw a small creature
moving on the floor and realised it was
a girl, he described it as the worst case
of abuse he had ever come across and
said “she weighed almost
nothing….she didn’t smile, make any
expression…it was like she was looking
through you”.
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Dani is also known as the Girl in the
Window as she was spotted in the
window of the house by a passer-by
who was the one who called it into the
police.
The director of paediatric psychology
at the University of South Florida
medical school, Dr Kathleen
Armstrong who assessed Dani said “85
percent of a child's brain develops
during her first five years of life.
He said she: “Didn’t speak, was
covered in rashes, covered in bites
strong odour…there were cockroaches
& faeces everywhere”. Dani was found
wearing a nappy at nearly 7 years old,
had been kept in a space the size of a
wardrobe, had no interaction with
others or her mother, could not eat,
drink and had not learnt any of the
Dr Armstrong’s assessment was that
Dani had become “environmentally
autistic”. This case again highlights the
need for the right ingredients for a
child to meet their milestones
otherwise the brain with all the
functions will not form the correct
attachment/attunement that it
should.
If you overload a child or an adult with
fear, it sets off the alarm centre, then
the cortisol floods the brain
(adrenaline reaction) and too much of
that repeatedly is also damaging.
“if you name it you can tame it”
basics so was in essence like a baby. In
her story someone says: “if you isolate
song birds from other song birds they
do not learn to sing”. She didn’t get the
stimulation for her brain to grow at the
right stages. She was underweight and
undernourished. Neurological tests
showed there was nothing wrong with
her brain again proving that without
the right conditions children’s brains
do not develop as they should. She was
adopted by a loving family but she still
cannot speak and is now
approximately 20 years old.
Repeatedly being in a heightened state
of hyper-arousal or freeze state of
hypo-arousal will mean there is an
impact on a child or adults brain’s
functionality.
And without the right recognition
leading to the right intervention -
children/adults will not be supported
correctly.
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Examples of Ways To Treat
Hyper or Hypo Arousal
Taken from the Attachment and
Trauma Centre for Healing
(See Diagram)
Sample activities to decrease aousal
include: Sample activities to decrease
arousal include:
• Diaphragmatic breathing (deep and
slow tummy breathing)
• Drinking from a straw
• Throwing a therapy / yoga ball at a
blank wall or outside wall
• Jumping on a trampoline or mini
trampoline
• Weighted blanket
• Warm water
• shaking or stomping out excess energ
• Therapy / yoga ball (rolling along
back when child / youth is lying face
down on mat – gentle but firm
pressure)
• Heavy work (lifting, pulling,
pushups, wheelbarrow races, crab
walk, leap frog etc.)
• Music (soothing and calming music
and sounds)
• Comforting food (hot chocolate or
something chewy but smooth such as a
tootsie roll)
Sample activities to increase arousal
include:
• Anything that stimulates the senses!
• Smelling essential oils (smell is the
fastest way to the thinking brain -
where are strategies are!)
• Chewy crunchy food
• Use of sensory shaker (ball pit) for
tactile input
• Movement
• Jumping on a trampoline or mini
trampoline
• Gently sitting and bouncing on
therapy ball (simulating rocking
motion)
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• Rocking chair
• Weighted blanket
• Water play with a straw (blowing
through the straw)
• Dancing and music
Elevated arousal makes it more likely
that an individual will be more
reactive, startle more readily, have
difficulty concentrating and focusing,
feel unsafe in open or crowded spaces,
and constantly be scanning for threat
even when no threat is present
(Scarer, 2013; van der Kolk, 2014;
Steele, & Kuban, 2012). Finger
painting
Additionally we need more facilities
and professionals to help work with
our traumatised survivors: both adult
& children. Currently we are letting
these survivors down. Waiting lists for
help are long, private counselling/
psychologists are expensive and out of
reach for the majority of people. Our
mental-health network in Essex is not
fully equipped to help all survivors.
At Changing Pathways we are lucky to
have a team of counsellors who work
with survivors who have been
supported by us for 3 months or longer
and additionally their children.
“without the right recognition leading to the right intervention -
children/adults will not be supported correctly.”
Alison Bird
This is important information for
schools to understand as well. ATTCH
offers a trauma-informed schools
trainings. So there is some excellent
work being done out there but in my
opinion there is not enough
understanding of TRAUMA in the
domestic abuse/stalking world –
which then leads to “problem children”
with “labels” that don’t fit and children
who don’t fit into society, they are
often expelled etc.
If we can understand what trauma
does to children & adults we can use
the coping strategies an work with the
survivors to ensure they really are
survivors and thrivers and not
mislabelled misfits.
Play therapy is used with the
children and is extremely successful.
Sadly we are seeing under 10s selfharming,
disclosing abuse and with
suicidal ideation.
These children do not need labels
they require intensive work bespoke
to their needs. However, this takes
funding.
If you would like to help fund
us please donate on our
website:
www.changingpathways.org it
saves lives.
If you are a victim of domestic
abuse or stalking in Essex
please call
COMPASS on 03330 333 7 444
Making The Invisible Visible
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