CCChat-Magazine_Issue-15

not good at assessing the dynamics of
domestic violence, in this country. We
tend to lump everybody in as the same.
I think that there are nuances to
people’s experiences- we don’t assess
what those dynamics are in that
family.
I think that there are families where
there is coercion and control, where
there isn’t necessarily any violence
because there doesn’t need to be,
because that control is so huge that
people, women mainly, are frightened
but I think there are other families,
and I think this is where the trauma
stuff comes in, where, if you have
grown up in a household where you
were traumatised and the people who
brought you up were traumatised, and
passing the trauma on, what are your
norms? Your coping strategies and the
things you do to survive are really
unhelpful both in adult relationships
and as a parent.
Min: Yes, that’s very true
Sue: So what happens at the moment
is that, if your way of resolving issues
is through violence, it will be classed as
domestic violence. It is wrong but if no
one has ever spent any time telling you
that there are other ways that that
relationship can be – and this isn’t
where there is power and control- this
is where there is violence without
power and control, that violence is a
poor coping strategy that has been
learnt by living in households that are
violent.
Min: I agree with you. It really
frustrates me when I see narratives
like ‘all abuse is abuse’. There is a
spectrum, you need to look at the
intention and you need to look at
where it is coming from.
Making The Invisible Visible