Parenta July 2020 Magazine

Helping siblings when
the new baby arrives
Our children are used to love, attention, and relationships - and anything that rocks that boat
can have a big impact. We have the language and comprehension to understand that changes
may be temporary, or for a reason, whereas our children do not. This can be what happens
when a parent becomes pregnant again, and when things change at home, our settings need to
remain the oasis of consistency that our children need.
Our children are used to love,
attention, and relationships - and
anything that rocks that boat can have
a big impact. We have the language
and comprehension to understand
that changes may be temporary, or
for a reason, whereas our children do
not.
The arrival of a new baby in the family
is a cause for excitement, joy, and
oftentimes, a lot of frustration and
confusion for young children, who
have to suddenly shift from being
the baby of the family to being a big
brother or sister. The family dynamics
and relationships change, which
can cause anxiety and unwanted
behaviours from the older sibling,
both at home and in our settings.
30 July 2020 | parenta.com
I’d like to share a few examples of
children that I have worked with.
• Joshua overheard his parents
talking about a hospital trip on
the way to nursery. In nursery
he was withdrawn and clearly
worried. A chat with his key
worker revealed he thought
his mum was ill, because you
only go to hospital when you’re
sick. It was soon explained that
mummy was having a pregnancy
ultrasound.
• Charlotte’s dad was doing the
nursery drop off as mum was
at home with their new baby.
Without her normal goodbye
routine, Charlotte was distraught.
• Sami, a usually gentle threeyear-old,
was showing a lot
of aggression towards other
children. When asked to share
toys he became very upset. A chat
with dad explained that Sami’s
cousins were visiting for a while,
and sharing Sami’s room.
For Joshua, Charlotte and Sami, there
were a few common themes:
1. Adults didn’t expect their actions
to have an impact on the children.
2. Change to routines was upsetting
and difficult to process without
help.
3. The children were unable to
communicate their emotions in a
way that was understood.
So as early years settings, how can
we support children through these
changes?
First and foremost is open & trusting
communication. When parents feel
they can share personal information
with staff, this should be respected -
not shared unless necessary, recorded
if appropriate, and acted on when
needed.
Secondly, encouraging and modelling
how to talk about our feelings is really
important. Whether this is 1:1 or in
group sessions, quickly checkingin
with each child helps them to
understand that they are valued and
there is someone who wants to listen
to them. This doesn’t have to be a
verbal activity - though it does help
language development if you can
provide the words a child might not yet
know.
Other than communication, there are
lots of other activities you can plan
to support the emotional needs of
children with a new baby in the family:
• Create a role-play area with dolls
and various accessories to go
with them. Make sure you have a
diverse selection so that children
can choose the most appropriate
doll for their family. Adults can
then model how to safely and
gently take care of babies. This is
great even for the younger babies.
• Invite the pregnant person into the
setting to give a regular update
on their bump. If they are willing,
you could create a display with
photos, ultrasound pictures, and
create a chart of measurements…
This is something I did in my own
pregnancy - the group of SEN
children I was working with loved
using a tape measure to measure
my bump and carefully add to our
chart.
• Invite the family to bring the new
baby into the setting. Give the
older child the chance to proudly
show off their sibling and answer
any questions! This is a great
opportunity to talk about growth,
and differences & similarities.
• Work with the child to create a
book of pictures, stories and other
treats for them to give to the new
baby.
• Talk about what to expect when
the new baby arrives - they will
cry lots, not because they’re
unhappy, but because they can’t
talk. They eat a lot, and they poo
a lot! They won’t be able to play
just yet, but they love listening to
you sing, etc.
You’ll notice that most of these
activities are focused on the new
baby, rather than the older child.
It’s critical that we also plan time
for the older child to have time for
them to be themselves, without
being the older sibling. Could you
have a talent show in your setting?
Make a display of artwork? How else
could you encourage pride in their
achievements and abilities? As the
attention at home turns to the new
baby, our children will more than
ever appreciate a simple hug, or the
intimacy of sharing a book on their
own with an adult in a quiet corner.
Lastly, I want to talk about the
importance of supporting new
parents, as this will have a direct
impact on children too. I recommend
that as a setting, you make yourselves
aware of the signs and symptoms of
postnatal depression and anxiety,
which can affect both mothers and
fathers, for months and years after
the birth of their baby. Have you got
a quiet place for parents to sit and
talk if they need to? A private area
where they can breastfeed in peace
if their little one wakes up and needs
a feed? Even a gentle “How are you
doing?” and the offer of a cup of
tea and a biscuit can go a long way
to supporting new parents. Where
possible, consider whether you can
be flexible on things like drop-off
and pick-up times, and how you can
sensitively bring up concerns such as
behaviour, without adding too much
stress for the parents who already
have their hands full.
Ultimately, children adjust, and they
adapt. But while their home life is in
the midst of changing, our settings
can be the calm in the storm, with
just a little time and attention. Get to
know your children, and their families,
so you can spot the signs that they
need a helping hand - not only will
www.theplymouthdoula.com
Rosie Das
Rosie Das is the owner of ‘The
Plymouth Doula’, where she
supports families in their transition
to parenthood through birth &
postpartum doula services, and
childbirth education. As a qualified
teacher, she specialises in the early
years as well as having a passion
for working with children with
Special Educational Needs. She
has worked in the UK, USA, France,
India, and most recently a 3 year
stint in a large international school
in Malaysia where she was the
SENCo.
When not working with new families,
she can be found tending to her
chickens or digging in the family
allotment. Rosie has a mischievous
toddler called Max, and is married
to Giresh, who keeps her topped
up with his amazing food creations
whilst she’s working.
Rosie loves talking about all things
pregnancy, birth and baby related,
and is always excited to meet
and support pregnant people
and their families. You can find
out more on her website, www.
theplymouthdoula.com . The
Plymouth Doula can also be found
on Facebook: facebook.com/
theplymouthdoula.
they love you for it, but you will gain a
reputation for being a supportive and
nurturing provider, which can only be a
good thing for your business.
parenta.com | July 2020 31